Wait a minute... I'm having a baby!!!

As I sit here in bed with my nettle tea, left leg spazzing, lower back hurting and strong Bubba movements I realize the plainly obvious fact that I AM HAVING A BABY! This kid can come out at any time and have a very strong chance of making it. Therefore, I'm a mommy! I, me, Nicole Elisabeth is Bubba's momma. WOW! HOLY CRAP! When/how did that happen? (don't answer that, I know how! 😉).

I know this sounds ridiculous, I mean I've chosen every action, every decision that got me to this point in my life and I am THRILLED, but I can't help but also feel crazy overwhelmed. It's not like life eases you into parenthood, it's BAM! Here's your son or daughter, congrats!!! By the way... good luck! have fun! you'll figure it out (with very little sleep). Yah! I have friends with kids, I see/hear what they go through. I'm not naive.

But then again I knew that if I went through life without even trying to have a child and doing the mom thing then I'd regret it. I knew that I absolutely love my job and investing in the lives of children, it's my calling. So having babies just made sense. But having a plan, and planning for that plan and talking about the plan is SO different than living it! You experience so many more anxieties, fears, inadequacies, when living it.

So what am I doing? I'm praying! It's always my "go to" I know that God will be there to offer peace and comfort. Even if you don't believe that, I do and it gives me an incredible strength and peace. I also go to Cam and share my thoughts. Just today he reassured me how normal all this is... it's OK to feel overwhelmed and emotional. I love him! He also told me that my stretch marks are beauty marks! SO SWEET!

So I'll continue to pray, to accept that this is a normal part of the process. And as things continue to become more and more real (like the crib getting set up, my belly getting bigger, saying goodbye at work) I'll breathe and believe that I'll rock it! The labour/delivery thing and of course the motherhood thing cause I'm more than capable of being a fantastic mother. Even if right at the moment it scares the crazy out of me!

N.