so lately ive been feeling so bad, gross, nauxious, bloated, painfully aware of my IBS probelms and my lack of stopping them. honestly i dont want to eat, i dont want to put food in my mouth, i wish to avoid eating all together actually... does anyone know of a pill i could take that could leave me without the need to eat?? and not make me sick?? cause if you do, im seriously interested.

i cant help but cry about it lately... i cant help but ask questions like.. why?????!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!? and why cant i pull myself together to get over it?
mom keeps teling me that im not alone with it, which is true.. im not. just the other day i met my second cousin Matthew Kroeker and his fiance, who has the same wheat problem as I do...and she just deals with it. thats what I need to do, just deal with it. Stop fighting it, just allow it to be apart of my life. to live it out.... to allow God to work through it for his good.
I dont beleive that God intended this to happen, I dont believe that its from him, that he wants me to be in this much pain daily and to abuse myself in this way... I realize that i cant do anything without him... nothing wthout him... i am nothing without him...
I keep hearing him say "you werent intended on doing this alone... so stop trying to!... let me in!"

I came across a verse last night while i was doing my devotions in James. it says:

"Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven- healed inside and out." James 5:15

I am going to take this verse as my "theme song" for my life... to be healed would be the most incredible experience, but i need to believe that it can be done... and that maybe its going to take a lot longer than i thought, or anticipated.... that God has a lesson in the midst of this whole ordeal... that he can take this and turn it into something amazing, if only i let him...
all of you out there that pray... please say a small prayer for me concerning this... i just feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, but its time to stop crying about it and step up to grasp ahold of what can be done... with Christ, of course! :)