I haven't been more afraid of the future than I have these past few months. Taking steps in the direction of change is incredibly frightening. Especially with an infant on board. The responsibility is tremendous and the decisions seems incredibly "adult" like.
We knew we needed to make a change. We knew we needed to take a risk. We've wanted to move forward for a while and it became apparent that standing still was just that, being still. So... Now here we are. In a place scarier than even a few weeks ago, and I'm surprisingly calm.
So we are praying like I don't think we've ever prayed before. And we are trusting and we are growing our faith although it hurts like hell. Because change hurts, increasing our faith makes us uncomfortable and stepping out of a comfort zone is terrifying.
How will bills be paid? How will we move forward in our careers? When will we have more children? Should I work full time? Part-time? When will I get a job? I LOVE my job and it's becoming more obvious to me just how much I love it.
And yet... Is there more? What else could there be? What other passions do I have? What about eventually buying a home?
So many choices, so many adult decisions to be made. So much stress, pressure, expectation. What if instead we hand it over, put one step in front of the other and let it all go.
What is going to come back?
Well... whatever it is I hope it's going to help us pay the bills.
N.
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