school is just around the corner, its coming more quickly than I had anticipated, although longed for! :) I am so excited that I am going to be on campus soon, that I cant stop smiling about it! Yipppeee.... more friends, late nights, exams, essays, and fun fun fun! although this year I will be working on weekends, and my exhaustion will only grow as the weeks progress, I am thrilled that I am where I am, and that God is as amazing and good as he is!

today I spent most of my day packing, and more of my day shopping for school stuff. Its nutty the amount of things that I have already packed away and are waiting to be loaded in the van for sunday morning. I am working on reading a book which I need to finish reading tomorrow and write a book report on, along with another eight page paper on my service practicum that I did in the summer, there is just not enough things I can say in eight pages worth. I will make it work somehow though, I always seem to.

I am stressed though. With school approaching... and the amount of stuff I need to get done its overwhelming.... my new job as well is going to be crazy, learning all those codes for the fruit and bulk. AHH!!!... HELP! :S How can I possibly fit that into what I need to get done? At least I have until friday to get familiar with them before my shift.... I will get it, I believe I can. :)

BE BLESSED! :)
and pray that this stress of mine doesnt end up in my digestion.. Im not allowed to be stressed, doctors orders! :P

GOD IS SOOOO GOOD! OKay, this is the story and the explanation why there is an IGA marketplace logo on my blogger. So, after the all-nighter with the girls last night I came home at 8:30 with only approx. 2 hours of sleep, so I crawled into bed and had a fantastic sleep till 12:30. Woke up, did my usual morning routine, when all the sudden right before breakfast (more like lunch) Jason calls me from IGA and says "get your butt down here right now with your resume, I told my boss John about you yesturday and he is asking when your resume will be in!". So in a frantic way I got myself looking not so tired, put together my resume and rushed down. There I asked for John, went into his office, talked ten minutes... then out of nowhere in our casual conversation asks "so you're a small right? you look like a small" and hands me a shirt while stating "welcome to the team!"
I GOT A JOB! I am the new offical cashier at the IGA marketplace just down the street from my house. I am sooo super excited. The reality still hasnt hit me yet... but the anticipation is really there. I am making more money, and I have more hours than Jacob Connexions, I am thrilled. Its going to be AWESOME! So, GOD IS GOOD and answered my prayer, out of nowhere he brought an amazing opportunity and now I am so eager and excited to do the absolute best I can do there. And be the best Godly example I can be to all the teenage girls that work there. Its going to be GREAT! so
YIIIPPPEEEE.... my first day is this friday, and my last day at Jacob Connexions is this saturday. SO, dont go looking for me at Jacob Connexions, I will not be found.

prayers are answered, when you believe they can be, when you agree and know that GOd is bigger and greater then the problem you are praying for and what you may do about it on your own.... KNOW that GOD answers PRAYER!
BE BLESSED! :)

good afternoon all!!
so have you ever had that feeling when there is something you have on your heart and you are praying to God constantly for some answers, and some relief? Well... tuesday all day I had that feeling, and while I was out at TImberline Ranch with Dara and Nantina, the overpowering need to talk to them about it frustrated me enough to spill my guts, even though what I wanted to talk about I felt completely guitly and ashamed of, now I believe that I was held in bondage by what was going on, and talking things out with them was such a God thing! PRAISE GOD! :)
Some of the things that Dara said really struck my heart... it was like "YES! thats whats going on... thank you GOD! that she is speaking your words to me!" Now I have a new perspective and a new strength, that only God could have brought. I believe the truth that God uses people to speak into our lives, to use them to guide us and shape our being. Because Dara definatly did just that... so Dara, THANK YOU! for letting him use you for me.
Now things are worked out and I am gleaming with happiness, you should see me! :) **Heehee**

yesturday Cam and I went to playland and the PNE, just us... it was SO MUCH FUN! I had such an amazing time with him... it helped me a lot to spend that time as just us, alone, yet surrounded by many, just having fun with one another, having great conversation and learning more about who we are... I am so blessed... Cam is definatly the best thing thats happened to me! Now our plan is to go to science world. I cant wait! I am thrilled... and I'll take some pictures then and post them!!
Its actually our SIX MONTH! Today. This is my most happy month to celebrate cause Ive never been with anyone longer then six months. And for him and I to just get here causes me to smile extra big :D!!

my whole job situation is still on the rocks. I have no idea what to do... and I am praying over and over again for guidence, I know that GOD IS GOOD! and has his amazing plan for me, so I am waiting paitently until he gives me the direction I need. There are so many ups and downs to "should I get a job at home? in abby? at the mall again? starbucks? where!!!" so those of you that pray, please keep this plea in mind for me... Its not really about the money, although thats a big part, its just getting the hours I need and feeling safe and secure in the job I have, cause those factors are fading away at J Connexions.

off to get ready for school! yiiiiipppeeeee!
BE BLESSED! :)

"trust God from the bottom of your heart, don't try to figure everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go, he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own, give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friends, resent God's discipline, don't sulk under his loving correction. Its the child he loves that God corrects, a father's delight is behind all this." Proverbs 3:5-12 (the message translation)

when i was in the bathroom in hawaii my little brother brandon (hes actually not so little anymore, being 16 and 6"3) placed my beloved stuffed bear and note up for me to see when i got out. i honestly almost cried cause i wasnt feeling so great that day, missing someone special from home and having my routine stomach pains. it touched the deepest part of my heart, which prompted me to take a picture.
you know, lately ive felt so far away from God that it hurts... a pain other then my stomach, yet one which cuts the deeper part of who iam. i realize over and over again how horribly lost i am without Christ. i see so much sin in my life that it overwhelms me and convicts me. the verse that you read at the beginning of this blog is what i read everyday, day in and day out, something which i should take the effort to memorize. its opening up my eyes to see the most important thing... my relationship with God... its telling me that I dont know everything! I am nothing compared to the majesty of God, to the increasing amazing power of Christ in my life. I especially love the part "your body will glow with health". I do not blame anyone for the things in my life, i blame myself at most times, yet the peircing thing that keeps me stuck is fear I guess. the fear that i am not pleasing God the way I should be, that im not "doing all i can" to bring him what he expects from me. this is such horrid thinking. GOD LOVES ME! no matter what i do, no matter who i am, there is nothing that can keep him away from me... so why!? why am i allowing lies to keep me stuck in the fear of where i am. pastor mike said something that really grabbed me... that God will always complete what he starts in his people, that he IS NOT going to give up on me, even if i give up on myself, even if what i think isnt enough for him, he will continue to try to convince me that it is, cause hes not looking for me to measure up. hes just looking for me to seek him, love him... Love, its the only word that describes who God is and what he expects from us. L-O-V-E, so love, here I come! :)

well... this is my Cheesecake Factory experience... if you really know me, like really really know me then you would absolutely know that i ADORE cheesecake, and the foodnetwork. one day when i was watching the food network while dreaming of cheesecake a special on the resturant Cheesecake Factory came on and since then i really REALLY wanted to go. so, while i was walking downtown Hawaii and the resturant was right there, i jumped up and down. the next day, i waited two hours to get in.. and then i had CHEESECAKE! yay!

so this is the napkin... hahha... i know, kinda dorky, but i was sooo excited to be in there that i got even more picture happy then usual. by the way the inside of the resturant is gorgeous!!! the bathrooms are even impressive for crying out loud!, you laugh, but i just had to check out the bathroom, i didnt even need to go! heehee! :)

so, as the list of cheesecake options got more and more overwhelming, i narrowed it down to the two things i love other then cheesecake, chocolate and peanutbutter (hence my email address) so what else other then white chocolate peanutbutter cheesecake? its the best of all worlds!!!! there was no other choice...it was obviously the one!

now, let me tell you IT WAS GOOD! so good that i tried my hardest to eat the entire thing.. it was HUGE! i tried, i promise i tried, but i was one bite away from completely polishing it off. yummies... i would have licked the plate even, if i wasnt so full at the end, im sure i was really entertaining, i was having the time of my life!

so sad...its all gone. **sniff sniff** my cheesecake experience is over... but thats alright, it was everything i was hoping for! hahah... now im looking forward to going again, i wanna go to the one in seattle, hopefully for my birthday or some other special occasion sometime this year or the next...i know i will have my cheesecake again! :D

so you may be wondering why i am on a giraffe?? well we went to the zoo! and it was so much fun! we got to see tonz of animals, ones that make you wonder how or why would be in hawaii!? like giraffes and elephants for instance. O... and hippos, they were SO cute!








if you really know me, then you know how in love i am with elephants! i just looove them, they are giants, yet are so cute, and sweet. they have so much power, yet are so gentle...thats why i love them. also cause they have a little bit of hair on their heads and are completely wrinkly.. hahaha.. one of these days I will ride one! Im telling you i will.


my mommy and i enjoying the beach... we didnt get burnt that day, actually the only day any i got burnt was the last day! thursday afternoon, on the back of my legs and back, it HURTS! soo much... but o well... life goes on and soon it will be an awesome tan! heehee! :) yeeessss... which was one of my goals of the trip, get as dark as possible! i think i achieved that.


my family... awww!!! in front of diamond head and more crazy fancy hotels on waikiki beach, the sand thank-goodness wasnt so hot at that time, considering it was after dinner time. in case you didnt know thats jason, brandon, my mommy (liz) and daddy (don).

well can we all say surf boards? I stood beside them and wondered to myself "If Im ever going to learn how to surf.. which I do want to learn someday...then how can I possibly carry one of these? They're twice my size!!"




so this is the most incredible view from the beach... those are some of the most fancy and expensive hotels Ive ever seen! this time we didnt walk in them, but I have before... the water is warm and such an incredible color, salty however, so not so great when it gets in your mouth and eyes.. eeek!!!!!


rain rain!!! I loooove hawaiian rain, its so much fun to walk around hawaii when its raining, cause its not like the rain here in B.C, its like a midst. you know, the kind when you're walking around a grocery store and your in the produce section and the sprinklers just suddenly come on, so you run towards it and put your hand underneath? thats what its like! but A LOT more fun!

so this was my dads idea, my brothers are sure characters... this was obviously a statue infront of a rock cafe in the area Kings Corner a block before the beach. There are a bunch of fun picture opportunites everywhere... as you can tell, we're not burnt yet there... so we still could move normally! hahahaha.... hey! brandon, stop looking at her panties down there!

so yet another picture opportunity... cause would you ever think that all three of us could possibly take one surf board out at once?? well... actually now that I think about it... I guess that could be possible.... we'll save it for next time! :)

well.... Im back now, Hawaii is officially done and over, its sooo sad **sniff sniff** i had such an incredible time. the beauty of hawaii amazes me every time i go, i definatly suggest to everyone to go and experience what im talking about. the water is an amazing color and the plants just make you stare. although im exhuasted i am burnt on the back of my legs, back and chest, so sleeping tonight will be a task as was last night. it hurts a lot right now so i guess im just going to update this first before i attempt my sleep.

as dissapointed as i am that i needed to leave the beauty and fun that is hawaii, i am glad and super excited that i am home again. i missed home... i love traveling, i love going to other places and experiencing other cultures, but i always still miss home, especially this time since i have someone to miss ;)

since this wasnt my first time in hawaii i we didnt do the whole "tourist scene" we did of course do some tourist things such as rent a car which we took to Hanama Bay and Diamond Head volcano, which both were fabulous experiences... we were already there before the last time we went so there wasnt anything new to expect. it actually surprised me how much at home i felt there in hawaii, it was my third time there and i pretty much new where everything was... and we had traveled around the entire island three times in two days so ive seen the whole island literally front to back. so going there was more of visiting a friend rather then going to an exotic place.... o well, the adventure was great and there are definatly some really awesome laughs and things that happened... you just need to ask to see the pictures and you'll see what i mean.

well... the burn still hurts but i guess i will try to get to sleep at a reasonable time. the plane landed at 9:08pm, and there is a three hour difference, so even though its 12:18am right now on saturday morning, to me its still 9:18pm friday night. But I guess i should force myself into a regular scheduale as much as i can.

o yah! for those that were worried, the airport was frantic but everything went really smoothly. The way there nothing had happened yet so it was no problem, it was two days after we arrived when all the chaos with the airport and the liquid stuff happened, we watched CNN every night before bed to keep track of what we needed to do and they posted updates at the hotel in the elevators so we always knew what was going on.... its on the "orange" level now. So you have to be at the airports three hours before your flight, and you cant have ANY liquids or anything on the plane in your carry-on, however you can still pack it in your bigger case, so everything worked out well and we had no problems at all. So thanks for your concern everyone! God was amazing with everyhing as usual, we had no problems with anything at all the whole time we were there, God was certainly taking care of us! GOD BLESS AND GOODNIGHT! :)

well.... im off!
I will be on a plane heading to Hawaii in 13 hours. im really really looking forward to it, its going to be great! :)
when i get back i will update you all on how it went and post some pictures.

so i have been praying about my job and my new manager. although i was really upset about how she talked to me that other time i decided that i need to stay. i keep feeling that God is bringing me peace to stay, so i will. i wont take anything that aimee says personally, and i will be the best worker i can be!
so yah... i dunno, im really happy when im not being yelled at, i wanna keep my discount and my hours are going to be cut dramatically when i go back to school so it wont be that bad. then i will apply for something more right before im out for the summer again. thats my plan and i like it.

but for now.... HAWAII HERE I COME!

ps. everyone pray that i come home safely and that the plane doesnt go down...i wanna come home again! :)

HAWAII! Im leaving on Tuesday at 4:30 in the morning for the airport! and we'll be arriving at 11:00ish in the morning when we actually land in Hawaii. I cant even believe that im going again, this will be my third time. the beauty of the place just brings me to awe at the glory of God. that He created the incredible scenery, wow! words dont describe.
so i have about four hours when i get home from work tomorrow to pack and get things ready... AHHHH!!!... im not even close to being ready for it... im reminded of one of my horrible dreams when i need to pack in a hurry to get somewhere but i cant pack for some reason, those always end badly. i hope it doesnt end in that, i dont think it will... i have an idea of what i wanna bring, its just a matter of putting it all in a case.

so i got to see cam yesturday.
i miss him....more then i realise after he is gone back to camp. when i lay in bed, just about to fall asleep and think about him and how crazy blessed i am. then i miss him so much it hurts... i miss talking with him and getting to know him. we've been dating five months and ive only known him for eight. so there is still tonz to find out... im so curious, im so eager, im so in love with him! **blushes**

i have found that when i think about my digestion and lack of proper function, i come to understand how much i have allowed my IBS and my troubles with it to define who i am. this... is stupid! i am not "the IBS girl" i am "a child of God" and that alone shall define who i am and my purpose. i deal with a digestive problem, i get sick constantly... its a reality of my life, but it is not who i am. this i need to remember and take account. i am allowing it to control me... i dont need to let it anymore, cause it does not take the place of my God. i know in all the places of my heart that God is bigger then even my silly digestive system, and has the power to heal me! :)

Be Blessed! Amen.

i am so stressed right now that i cant even stand it... i hate my new manager, i really really hate what shes doing to the place, to the store, to everyone i work with. i cant even express how pissed i am right now at her. ba!
i used to love my job, if you ever talked to be before this week about my job i used to always say how much i loved it and how much fun it was... now... you wont hear that. im looking for something new, or im going to complain enough to get me transfered to the langely powercenter or guildford, cause honestly right now, i am dreading my shift tomorrow... my stomach is hurting, thats how stressed i am about this now.
AHHHH!!! why did this have to happen? why!? ba!.... yes, thats what i say when i cant express things. BA, BA BA!

okay...

i need to spend more time with God, i feel like i cant even look at myself in the mirror, thats how much i regret the way my relaitonship with God is at the moment, i feel as though its not there at all. i feel as though i am alone, and done so much on my own that he doesnt even want me anymore (this i know isnt true) i want so badly to be back in the arms of God, and i really think that after i type what it is i will type here, that i will end up crying.... the tears are already streaming. and i hope, i really hope that in the midst of my tears God will meet me here and hold me. i really want to be held by someone that loves me... i really want the words from God to say that everything is going to be okay, hes taking care of it.
i believe that he can... the question is why would he want to? after all the time ive spent ignoring him, not allowing myself to believe that he is listening or wants to hold me.... so, excuse me as i lay everything at his feet and beg for forgiveness.... because
Jesus Loves Me! The Bible Tells Me So.... and i truly will believe that deep down for the rest of my life.

Good night!

so.. I hate my doctor...okay hes a nice guy, i'll give him that. but does he even listen to a thing I say?? NOPE! he just nods his head, scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands me some drugs that I absolutely refuse to take. because he was seriously not listening to what is going on.
i have abdominal pain every day... I am always feeling like I need to throw up and other things I will not mention, but he didnt listen to that. he said "here is some zelnorm, see me when your done it"
NO!
ive heard things about zelnorm.. and I honestly dont want to do that, i want a diagnosis, i want a doctor to listen to what I am saying and care about it... I want someone to tell me "yes! here is it, there is something wrong" instead of feeling like Im the only one in the world that feels like crap, instead of feeling like what i am experiencing is all in my head... AHHHH!!!
okay thats my screaming of anger frustration.

I cried.... actually i bawled my eyes out when I got outta that office and into the car. my mom asked what I thought and I said "a new doctor!" so here i go on a search for a female doctor that wont look at me like im nuts when i tell her things im going through and who will tell me that i am not alone in it and suggest some sort of testing to make sure.
anyone want to share their doctor?

and right now that doctor appointment came at the worst time.
When I am sick with some sort of cold, flu or virus thats making me feel like crap...and when you feel sooo sick all you want is comfort food, and let me tell you brown rice and chicken is not comfort food. So Ive been bad with my eating these past couple of days... I just dont feel good.... so why try and feel better?
That silly doctor has made me feel so much like there is something wrong with me mentally, i know that this isnt true. BA!

But there is no excuse, I have been placing so much on my health that I have come to loose sight of God. This I completely regret... to focus so much on my IBS has been the most unhealthy thing to do. Cause in that I have lost my spiritual health and that is most important. I need so desperatly to get that back.... please think of me in your prayers!
FATHER GOD... FORGIVE ME! Amen.

thanks so much Kortney and Dara for what you wrote in my comments on my last post. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday and Im going to complain a lot more and get more testing done... hopefully something will show, hopefully I will get some answers, some real answers.
Yesturday was Brandons birthday, and so like we always do we went out to eat. I had previously been to Montanas that afternoon and unfortuently they put cheese on my salad (stupid cooks) so I was already feeling really gross, so I thought "hey why not get something I really want, Im already feeling like crap" so I did. And man alive! horrible HORRIBLE pain. So bad that I couldnt sleep... so bad that all I wanted to do was lie and moan and puke, really really bad. And then this morning when I woke up, I was a lot more nauxious feeling accompanied with dizzyness, blurred vision and other sort things. I hardly ate today cause it was so hard to....
BA! I yell in frustration... yes its my fault cause I was stupid yesturday and ate badly, but did I get heat stroke today? or are there other symptons that I need to add to my long list??

today is Cam and I five month! :)
yay... and this week he is home wed-sun, a nice long break for him from camp. I am so excited to see him. I am so excited to finally get to see him more then just once this week. Yay! :) big smiles for me.

I was reading Psalm 139 last night... it brought me to tears to realize the tremendous love God has, I cant even begin to imagine it. I cant even begin to understand it, although I am trying hard to... I keep talking to Him, I keep trying to listen to what he is saying, I feel so lost... so not who I am, almost like Ive lost myself. I guess Im just seriously overwhelmed....

time for prayer... God truly is good.

so hello to all who read this... its late, and although i left nantinas house early to go to bed early i guess i never actually got to the "bed" part of it all. just the "lets check my email" part, which turned into two hours of doing things i cant even remember online. o well... at least i didnt waste my time with gold miner like i always do (reminds me of cam)

so once again... i got a sore tummy, yes i know, its my fault and yes i know i am complaining... but if you dont like it, stop reading! :P i tried my "rice bread pizza crust" its wheat and gluten free, but frankly i guess thats just not enough for my silly stupid digestion system. o well.... life goes on and here i go taking another two of my pills.
BA! i just wish that i was normal already... or at least physically normal.
other then the one cheat I had with a little icecream and one cookie, everything seems to be okay... that cheat though did cost me big time with a sore tummy for a couple of days. sooo not even worth it. especially when i can go and buy brown rice icecream and cookies, which reminds me to pick some up tomorrow! :) yummies!

so other then the whole complain of health issues, life is pretty much normal.
and since its getting closer to 1am im going to cut this really short... Good Night! Sleep Tight! :)

GOD BLESS!

okay, so this is me! (obviously) playing with the digital camera I got for my birthday.... dont I look great? hahaha!! Dont you worry, all my kisses are saved up for Cam!

so ive been complaining over and over again i know... and i apologize.
having the food restrictions that i have, i guess i have a right to complain... but truly, i am happy! really! i am. Im losing weight again, so that makes me excited... it melts away, i dont even notice it until my mom tells me, hahaha.... so yay! for that. at least there is something great about this... i actually suntanned in a bikini the other day, got darker, but ive never done that before.... im happy to do it again! hahaha... i burnt my tummy a little bit.

things are great right now.. God broke me down on sunday, he broke me to my core. i ended up crying, and praising, then falling asleep from all the emotion. i guess hes just showing me the truth of what ive been allowing myself to believe, all the lies in my life that i have listened to... thank goodness that God is so darn good! :)
Actually, I think I wanna go and talk to him again.... Goodnight!

its been a week...one week officially that ive been on this new IBS diet. everything has been a hit and miss when it comes to food and the affects with my digestive system i cant eat soy milk :'( which sucks cause I love it so much, i tried it and no luck and i found this delicious oat/flax cereal that i love, but again no luck, it hurts too much to eat.... ba!!! so frustrating
but yay to the new rice milk icecream that i found that is so far so good with my digestion! so yay!!! soo happy about that, and its delicious! :) so at least i have one of my favorite foods back, even though its not the real stuff.
its been hard though these past couple of days...
ive been getting cravings, and getting frustrated with everything... but thats going to happen, its just apart of life and apart of the process of dealing with it. Im getting used to all the powder drinks and the pills. they're fine. Things are going to get better... i can already tell! so a big YAY! :)
PRAISE GOD.. thank you so much Lord that you are healing me!!!!

okay.. so firstly PRAISE GOD! cause he totally did something incredible for me the other day... let me explain.
as you will, read the post previous to this... go on.... just read it... or at least the beginning of it.
did you read it?

if you did then you can come to this post with the understanding that i go through a lot daily when it comes to my health. that i have a digestive problem that causes frustration and overwhelming times of feeling as though giving up is the correct answer. in the post before i felt utterly hopeless... i felt like no one could ever understand and that there were no answers. i cried out to God over and over again for healing, for something, anything that would help. and once again PRAISE GOD! cause he brought me help! :)

a couple days ago i walked into Choices market. which is a huge organic food store. and thankfully they have a registered nutrionist working there that specializes in IBS and has it herself.
**can you see me smiling!**
when i first started talking to her, she could see that i was desperatly unaware of what is going on and what i need to do.
so.... right then started my health lesson. And right then i was pushing back the want to cry with joy that i have finally FINALLY found someone who understands and is telling me that whats going on is real and that she has answers. real answers, true answers and that I can HEAL! YES! :)

so this is the drill.... no wheat and dairy. NONE, nothing... not even a little bit... not even a smudge. none at all... for at LEAST six months, and even after six months, very very very little... so practically nothing for a whole year..
I am now taking eight pills each morning along with a fibre drink, another intestinal cleanser drink in the afternoon and two pills right before I go to bed.
I am only allowed approx. 1 cup of brown rice a day (the only carb im allowed other then veggies and fruit)
and no red meat.

yep! its going to be hard. as you can plainly see. BUT she said that if I chose not to do this, if i just decide that its too hard... then there will be horrible consequences, she asked what was happening sympton wise and she was really shocked that I had done nothing until now. She said "YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.. SUCK IT UP AND DO IT... YOU HAVE TO!"
that did it for me... she said that if I dont do it, then my colon will shut down in a couple of years, meaning colitis, meaning not having the health to have kids, meaning horrible things down the road... this scared me, scared me soooo much!
its enough to make me suck it up and deal with the fact that this is real, a lot more real then I realized.

so.... no more "cheat days" for me, they no longer exist.
but when I look on the bright side, true health and healing is right around the corner! I will never be completely without it, I will always have IBS and there will always be the chance of it getting really bad again if I let it... but I finally have the brains and GODS strength to get me on the road to no more pain. and... well.... maybe I lose another 30 or so pounds! hahah.. :)

thank you all who have prayed for me and who have cared! thanks soo much! :)

so lately ive been feeling so bad, gross, nauxious, bloated, painfully aware of my IBS probelms and my lack of stopping them. honestly i dont want to eat, i dont want to put food in my mouth, i wish to avoid eating all together actually... does anyone know of a pill i could take that could leave me without the need to eat?? and not make me sick?? cause if you do, im seriously interested.

i cant help but cry about it lately... i cant help but ask questions like.. why?????!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!? and why cant i pull myself together to get over it?
mom keeps teling me that im not alone with it, which is true.. im not. just the other day i met my second cousin Matthew Kroeker and his fiance, who has the same wheat problem as I do...and she just deals with it. thats what I need to do, just deal with it. Stop fighting it, just allow it to be apart of my life. to live it out.... to allow God to work through it for his good.
I dont beleive that God intended this to happen, I dont believe that its from him, that he wants me to be in this much pain daily and to abuse myself in this way... I realize that i cant do anything without him... nothing wthout him... i am nothing without him...
I keep hearing him say "you werent intended on doing this alone... so stop trying to!... let me in!"

I came across a verse last night while i was doing my devotions in James. it says:

"Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven- healed inside and out." James 5:15

I am going to take this verse as my "theme song" for my life... to be healed would be the most incredible experience, but i need to believe that it can be done... and that maybe its going to take a lot longer than i thought, or anticipated.... that God has a lesson in the midst of this whole ordeal... that he can take this and turn it into something amazing, if only i let him...
all of you out there that pray... please say a small prayer for me concerning this... i just feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, but its time to stop crying about it and step up to grasp ahold of what can be done... with Christ, of course! :)

WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!!
David Brent Robert Neufeld... so here he is... the picture that Lauren sent me today... isnt he soooo adorable??? I think so!
So, CONGRATS! Once again Neufeld family on your new amazing blessing...
He is super cute :)

I PASSED MY "N" TEST THIS MORNING!! yay!! :D

I am soooo happy that its finally over and I have finally passed.... things are sooo good!! I now even have to remind myself over and over again that I did it! :) that I can finally drive without my mommy, now its just fighting with Jay and Mom for the car whenever I need it, obviously I will make it work... it'll be fine. Im just so glad!!

CONGRATULATIONS JON AND MELISSA NEUFELD!!!
their beautiful baby Boy was born last night... WELCOME TO THE WORLD... David Brent Robert Neufeld! :)
I am sooo happy for them! A child is always such an amazing blessing.

well... I got to see Cam on tuesday night at Stillwood and then he came home tuesday night for all day Wednesday and it was SO AWESOME! to see him again, it was such a great day! Now I have 8 days to wait to see him again, and I can do that, being without seeing him for 19 days was a lot... I can deal with waiting for 8. :)

THANK YOU FATHER GOD, FOR BEING WITH ME TODAY, FOR BEING WITH ME WHILE I WAS TAKING MY N TEST, FOR BEING WITH MELISSA AND JONATHAN WHEN DAVID WAS BORN LAST NIGHT, FOR BEING WITH CAM AND I WHEN WE GOT TO SPEND WEDNESDAY TOGETHER.... THANK YOU!
PLEASE BLESS AND PROTECT US THE REST OF TODAY AND TONIGHT! Amen.