so you would think that things would be easier now that I know exactly what is making me sick. But unfortunately thats not the case. I think that the whole eating completely differently than what was expected is almost harder. I feel lost. I have no idea what its like to not eat meat, I haven't touched it really since the results. I feel like I am eating carbs way too much, but I only have tortilla wraps (no yeast) as my source of "bread". At this moment I have excruciating pain on my left side which hasn't gone away, and I haven't eaten anything off the "no" list. I wonder if it is psychological, thinking for so long that dairy, wheat, sugar was making me sick and all the sudden finding out that its fine. Either that, or Im not eating enough, so when I eat a normal size meal all the sudden my "insides" get blocked and it causes great pain. I've been on the couch since 7pm and its close to midnight.

I ask for fellow believers to pray for me and for guidance to help me discover what it is I am supposed to do. There is so much preparation, so my time, effort, that needs to go into all of this. I feel so much like I don't have a grasp on anything and the cravings have become overwhelming again.
I mean sugar is alright, coffee is alright, dairy is alright, as long as I am giving myself time in between my helpings. I can't over due it. I just don't have the body that allows such a thing.

Its getting used to who I am, discovering the body I have been given. Its understanding whats going on.
My mom was encouraging yesterday. She said "you have Leaky Gut Syndrome Nicole, it took years for you to get to this point, you cannot expect it to take you a week to heal and recover"
shes right!
the villi (I think I spelled that right) are shrinking and retracting because of all the sensitivity in my system, this is NOT GOOD! but its reality for me.
Its something I can not ignore, its something I can not deny, its something that will live with me for a while longer. And God has blessed me by introducing me to healing in this way.

I need to allow God to be glorified through this... I can not allow this to be all about me. I will have no strength on my own accord to get through this.

Thanks for listening to my ranting... I greatly appreciate it!

Blessings!

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT!!!! I hardly believe it myself... actually I am in a state of complete shock as to what my test results are. No worries, it's nothing horrible and it is DEFINITELY something doable. so what Am I sooo crazed about??

I am allergic to MEAT!!!! hahahahaah.... come on now, laugh with me!
Thats right, No:
Beef, Chicken, Turkey, or Eggs.
ALSO! NO:
shell fish of any kind, and no fish in general.
I will NEVER again be able to eat tuna or sole fish, the sensitivity is the highest on the scale. As well, Salmon is one food that will probably take me years to regain.

BUT! you haven't heard the clincher yet...
I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO: wheat, gluten or cows milk! :P

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?!?!?!?!?
This means that I can have wheat, I can have icecream, I can have chocolate!
I CAN HAVE COFFEE!!!!!

BUT!!!!!!
I am allergic to Yeast :P
which still means no bread, no baking, nothing at all with yeast in it. No crackers, no cake, no donuts, none of that fun stuff still... As well, those things contain egg.
So the whole time I thought I was wheat/gluten/dairy sensitive, I was actually reacting to the egg and yeast in bread and baking products.
AMAZING right!? :)

As well, NO goats milk, NO cheese, NO cottage cheese.
and FINALLY! an explanation for my mother as to why I was so sick as a new born and why I had such horrible stomach pain... I am allergic to breast milk! (go figure huh!?)

So... ALL fruit is okay!!!! yay!!!! and I am only allergic to garlic, green beans, carrots and peas in the veg department.
Along with NO peanuts, NO sesame, NO oats, NO white rice (but brown rice and wild rice is okay)

My body is still severely sensitive, I am on a liver detox, and there are still some funky hormone tests and such things I need to do... I need to keep going back once a month, I have waaaaaaaaay more protein shakes, oil supplements, pills and such things that I'll need a serious system, journal and calendar log of everything!!!

I can not eat ANYTHING the same every day... I need to wait for four days until I can eat something I ate four days ago. I HAVE to do this. If I don't then I will become sensitive to different things all over again... a new way of life for me I guess!

Tomorrow I will wake up a vegetarian... and I will most likely have to stay that way for a LOOOONNNNGGGG time in order to confirm that I can regain it back. If I stay away, regain and than eat meat all the time again within a couple months, the sensitivity will come back again. Better to stay away and keep staying away. As well, every year I will have to take this blood test and re-adjust my diet to the results.

SO!... thats it!!!! different huh???
But I know that I can make it work... having icecream, and chocolate back makes my day!!!! I already bought a chocolate bar today and had a frapp!!!
yippppeeee for it all, its good news and bad news, but its news that I can handle and that I was preparing myself for... for a loonnng time!
FINALLY! I have clearance and confirmation.

Be as Blessed as I!
and PRAISE GOD! that it's not as bad as it could be... I am honestly completely HAPPY!

This is it... tomorrow I am going in for my results, I can not even believe that it has come this fast already. I feel nervous for it, yet at the same time I feel ready to finally know and finally start my six month journey of elimination dieting. As well, its been a month since I first went to Galina, and Ive "cheated" only three times! and not really big cheats either... THIS IS HUGE! I used to cheat all the time, I used to pig out, I used to be obsessed with it all. And now, I just cheated three times in ONE MONTH! whoa. I am proud of myself. I just need to keep it up (not the cheating, the LACK of cheating!). Today I had a bit of chocolate in anticipation for tomorrow, a small treat for the big day. Tomorrow marks the start of another big change, I know that I can do it... I've proven it already. I am so proud of what I have done, who I have become (in regards to self discipline) THANK YOU! for your support, I am seriously going to need it more and more these next six months.

I'll post my results tomorrow... just in case you're a little curious.

Be Blessed! :)

MY STYE IS GONE!!! .... I repeat... MY STYE IS GONE!!! poof, last night I was in bed with a puffy, painful eye, this morning woke up and kept blinking to make sure it was true... and it was! no more painful eye! yippppeeeee.....

so you may be wondering about this picture, my right eye in this photo is puffy because I have a stye. It was taken back in April of this year and now today the nice doctor at the walk in clinic informed me that... FUN FUN I have another one!!!! in the other eye. It hurts like CRAZY! but Ive been placing a hot cloth on it and its taken away some of the pain and I have antibiotics for it as well, which makes it hurt too... BUT at least I now know what it is.

so you know what made my week? I CAN HAVE SALTED KETTLE CHIPS!!! but only kettle chips and only the salted or salt & pepper flavor. I am SUPER excited.

As well..... CAM IS A SWEET HEART! he took me to the clinic, waited a hour for me to go in and out, and went shopping with me twice this week for groceries. He has had to deal with my dizziness and stupid painful eye this week too... wow!! he has GOT to love me. I mean, he sees my crazy health stuff, and I mean ALL OF IT. He has a front row center seat.... and is so willing to comfort me, take me wherever I need to go, and be a sweetheart in the midst of it all.
I LOVE YOU CAM!!!!! THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL YOU DO FOR ME!!!!!! **muah**

Be Blessed all you! :)

TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL I GET MY BLOOD TEST RESULTS!!!!!!

I attempted to make chicken noodle soup with rice noodles today for lunch...it was GROSS :P so I resorted to peanutbutter and banana on rice bread...mmmmmmmmm... at least the pineapple was good! :) but you know what I was most defiantly thankful for this thanksgiving??!!! I got rice crust, non dairy pumpkin pie yesterday at thanksgiving dinner. you have no idea how amazing it was!!!! my life rocked yesterday with my pie...mmmmm.... I can still taste it! :)

so... today I cheated and ate an entire banana loaf that my grandmother gave me. **tear** Im really sad that I did it... but I literally felt like I could not handle it anymore, the cravings were out of control and I had already felt sick because of some potatoes I ate today, as well as breakfast which did NOT agree, so I was sick all day (and by the way both of those times were food that I am supposed to be able to have and I still got sick)

:'( baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... I think I just need to have a good cry, pull myself together again and remind myself of why I can't just eat like everyone else.

I knew that I had to post this slip, or else it would eat me up alive **sniff sniff**

Love me please, and please pray for me.

Be Blessed.

I pretty much love this photo!!! We went to the fire hall last night, for unit meeting. It was SO MUCH FUN! we got to climb up all over the fire trucks, and shoot water outta the hose!!! YAY!!!

well... today was my first really hard day. I don't know why especially, it just was. Maybe the reality of this situation is setting in, maybe I've had enough salad to last me for a loooooong time that thinking about eating more lettuce makes me feel like a rabbit. I have no idea!! hahahaha... but its hard. I said a short prayer today while making my boiled potatoes, that I submit this all to God. I mean, I'm doing it for a reason, it's not just "cause" its waaaay more than that. You would be happy to know that even in the midst of my hard day, I did not cheat. Not once! I do not have the luxury. If I cheat and fall back into my old ways I am afraid I will never get out of them. I will not be able to go back to the doctor (I got a firm talking to by my parents and the doctor herself about the consequences of cheating), I will not be successful, I have to find the strength within my self to stand up and say "I am worthy of this! I am strong! I am able" and I am.... I know that I am.

Blessings! :)

WEEK ONE: well, this new diet is amazing! I feel wonderful. Really!! one of the pills that I was given wasn't working. It was a guess whether or not it was actually a problem of stomach acid or anxiety. Unfortunately there is no such test to provide information as to what it specifically is. So... we guessed. And... I got serious chest pain for two days. But other than that... Im off of it and everything seems to be working fine! Im really excited to go back and get the details of my blood test, to find out what exactly is up with me and have the definite yes or no to which foods I can or can not consume. Thanks to something the doc gave me as well, I have next to no cravings for anything, so this whole not eating what everyone else is... is working out really well. Its a lot, and seriously A LOT easier this time! And I am soooo much more committed! yippeee... health is on its way!

school is good... handed in a paper, don't think it was my best work, but it was my first of the year. Now, need to read a book for marriage and family class, this ought to be insightful! :P

Blessings!

ALAS!!! I have found a doctor who knows how to fix me! a serious YIPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I have been so desperate to find some way, some thing, someone to help me and I have found her! I LOVE her, she is wonderful, kind, understanding, a genius and a person who knows exactly what it is that is wrong. Like seriously.... EXACTLY! :D AH! you should see my face right now, at this moment, it is beyond extatic. I have not been this excited in a LONG time... I will be healthy soon! I mean it won't be easy, I got a blood test taken and when it comes back it will reveal all that I am sensitive to. Which will be things that I will NOT be allowed to eat, no "if", "ands" or "buts" nope! none of that anymore. But it will be wonderful, 6 months for sure on this restricted diet, and then maybe I can introduce some more stuff back. However, some things I may always be sensitive to and I will just have to re-adjust my ways, I think it is going to take a little longer than just 6 months for complete health and transformation, but I am committed and I am NOT going to give up on this. YAY!

Yes... this day especially... I am SOOOOOO blessed! :)

"O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." Isaiah 33:2

I realise that this passage is from the Old Testament, Isaiah speaking to those who are going to be, or are already exiled by the high powers of that day. Judah and Jerusalem are in for the most difficult time of their history, so God uses His servant Isaiah to speak wisdom, and His words. Both pieces of who were once the 12 tribes are going into a time of judgment for they did not obey, nor follow Gods instructions. The Hebrew people time and time again disobey in their quest to be the children of God. Generation after generation, not learning from the previous and continuously seeking out sin instead of Gods ultimate plan. So punishment came in the form of Persia and Babylon, two high powers that at two separate times in history exiled the Hebrew people.

I don't know about you, but I am fascinated with the Old Testament story. Not only because it is the groundwork of the New Testament, but because its a story that helps one to realize that God isn't looking for the perfect ones. He isn't searching for you to be a certain expectation, the only thing is he looking for is a heart that longs to love and serve him.

This... is the biggest revelation that I have come across these past couple of weeks. The importance of Christ in my life. The importance to giving ALL over to him. I have been struggling with something that has literally rocked my world. Some might assume my recent health decision, my recent excitement and health discovery, and although that is going to rock my life a bit, I know that I am strong enough to step out and do that for myself.
No... this is almost bigger to me than that... but I know that the only way to get through is to place God before it, and realize that my life, no matter what happens is going to be amazing, there doesn't need to be anymore fear, or tears. Just full concentration on the cross, and a big step to claim that I am worthy of what I want, and I am worthy of something really wonderful.

be Blessed!

so... here we go again: those are the only words that really come to mind while starting to understand this "next step" of my lovely IBS adventure. Im still uncertain whether or not its exactly IBS, but I know that my body is becoming more and more sensitive to everything, honestly... everything!!! my conclusion: I am getting worse, and after talking to someone today in a similar position as I, only years ahead of me (shes one of my teachers) I am indeed getting worse and my immune system is slowing down. However, hope! I am going to see a naturopath on Friday and as I have come to realise, I need to do EXACTLY what it will be that she tells me, to the TEE. For when that is done, I can experience healing, absolute and wonderful healing!!!! its just going to be a season, a season of strength to eat what I have to eat, drink whatever drinks I have to drink, do whatever it is I have to do to allow my body the environment to go back to the way it was intended to be at birth.

So.... for Friday, wish me luck!

Unlike some who would simply state that this is a minor problem with minor detail and would not even warrant it a second guess. For me, is a huge life adjustment, a huge life decision, a huge life slap in the face. My body is not working properly, this SUCKS BULLETS! but it is not the end of the world, I have my life, I have the ability to walk, to think, to feed myself, I have the freedom to be who I am... I don't have cancer, I am not dying, I am blessed! very very BLESSED with or without IBS.

so school is going really well.... actually my apartment, my room mate, everything is just wonderful in my house. I LOVE it!!! we have couches from MCC, artwork all over the place and just personality from all three of us, its perfect, utterly perfect! :)
The boys are next door, like I said previous... which poses its problems, but its a lot of fun... they watch the Office, we watch the OC, they play video games ALL THE TIME! :P and we talk and hang out like girls do, and like the "typical male" they never come over to us, we have to always go over to them... TYPICAL! Even when we have goodies.

More classes tomorrow, and Ive done my reading for the day, Psychology and Hermeneutics... o what fun! but seriously, I have a good feeling that I will enjoy all of my classes and have fun trying to achieve the highest grade my poor mind can handle!

I will be coming back to Surrey weekend of the 22nd... wanna have coffee with me? give me a call or leave me a message!

hahaha... yes, as my time ticker has said, Im BACK AT CBC! and it is wonderful! No classes as of yet, they start on Wednesday, but campus life is SO MUCH FUN! this year is going to be so amazing. Amber Hodgkiss is my roommate, along with Traci. And the best and most exciting part of this year is....

CAM IS LIVING NEXT DOOR!

hahahahaah.... yep, Cam is living exactly beside me. No joke, just walk out my door and through his apartment door and there he is! If we can live THIS close together for the next eight months with no sweat... then Im even more confident that we're meant to get hitched! OOOOOOOO yah! :)

well.... I'll keep you updated. I start cash in the cafeteria tomorrow, Im kinda nervous.
BE BLESSED! :)

so yesturday was Cam and I one and a half year anniversary (which you can tell from my previous post) I didn't have the delight of seeing Cam that night :'( **sniff sniff** BUT! this morning Cam was SUPPOSED to come to my place at 11:30am to head off to my friends wedding... and INSTEAD he came over quarter after ten in the morning (this is amazing, usually he's still in bed at this time! :P) with FLOWERS!!!!! two bunches, one yellow and one pink and one single red rose all for me!! for our anniversary! I was just smiling cheek to cheek. I had just rolled out of bed myself so you can imagine how I looked... and he even said that I looked beautiful! can I get an "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!" Yep! I am officially the happiest and luckiest woman on earth! Amys day today was her big, special day... but Cam made my today, and our anniversary one of the best!!! and most special, he's even taking me to Science World on Monday for more celebration! YAY!!!!
THANK YOU CAMMY! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! more than words can say. **MUAH!**

HAPPY YEAR AND A HALF ANNIVERSARY CAM!!! LOVE YOU :)

Lauren tagged me so here I go!

Five's:

5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago:
- babysitting
- still "enjoying" elementary school
- I was IN Sunday school not teaching it
- complaining to my parents about my annoying little brothers
- getting ready for my "wonderful" teen years

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
- chocolate silk soy milk
- apples with honey or nutella
- corn chips or rice chips with salsa
- soy beans and salt
- all kinds of fruit

5 TV Shows I've Seen Every Episode Of:
- Saved by the Bell
- Full House
- Home Improvement
- Friends
- Gilmore Girls

5 Things I Would Do If I Were A Millionaire:
- pay off all my and Cams debts as well as both our families debts
- travel around the world, go back to Hawaii!
- give to our churches and organizations which are important to us
- invest, especially in realestate like flipping homes and having fun with different kinds of properties
- have Cam do whatever it is he wants to do with a big yard, in the means of giving him the financial freedom to garden and landscape till he can't no more!

5 Bad Habits:
- staying up too late
- eating too much when I'm obviously full
- watching too much tv when I have nothing better to do (that won't happen at school though!)
- not doing my homework when I should
- being impatient (probably my worse habit)

5 Things I Like To Do:
- spend my time with Cam!
- hang out with my family, and Cams parents, his sisters too but I don't get to see them enough **sniff sniff**
- have coffee (or in my case, tea) with friends, just spend time talking and hanging out
- I love to read, especially my bible and other Christian related books, haha... even the ones required for school
- staring at nature, like watching the stars or just sitting outside, playing in the rain, walks... suntanning!

5 Things I Would Never Wear Again:
- super low, butt crack jeans :P
- giant t-shirts which are obviously way too big
- shorter tops
- dresses with no substance
- crazy flower printed, neon type clothing, eeekkk...

5 Favorite Toys:
- my moms 2007 Honda Fit
- Camera
- iBook G4 Mac laptop
- my cell phone
- my mexico blanket (it may not be a "toy" but its one of my favorite things)

5 Things I Can't Stand:
- people who expect other people to do everything for them
- people who are just rude... all the time!
- people who can't drive
- people who "can't or don't" unload their grocery baskets when they obviously had no problem loading them
- people who ignore other people when they are on their cell phones :P

Now it's my turn to tag 5 people.
And I tag…- Dara, Jen, Michele, Nantina, and Amber.

CAM IS COMING HOME TODAY FROM STILLWOOD!!! yes, I'm a little excited, can you hear my excitement!? no no, don't get me wrong, I love it that he wants to be there at camp, year after year, doing whatever it is he does over there. I am soooo proud of him!!!! But, I just don't want to share him any longer :P I want my beau back... so, when I finally get home, I'll be singing for sure! :)
I LOVE YOU CAM!!! yes, I most definitely do.

In other news: its 109 degress F (42 degress C) in Palm Desert today and will be for all the days that I am here, that means HOT, SO VERY HOT!

Disney Land is wonderful! I wanna find Mickey Mouse and Goofy today! :) heehee... Tomorrow we're going off to Palm Desert. Im very excited for relaxing and tanning. Yipppeeeee...