so i seriously had the WORST weekend ever! like it doesn't get any worse than this. i got to work, walked up to the office where i have the little file work space, which is now more mine than it was friday (richelle, my file buddy left me and quit **sniff sniff**) so now its just angela and I, and I LOVE her. shes fantastic, shes super sweet and kind and knows all the tricks of the trade which has made my life SO much better and A LOT less stressed.

but anyways, back to yesterday. so there were flowers for me on the desk with the most adorable letter from richelle about how she loved working with me "RICHELLE! I loved working with you too!!!!" then Lee walks up with a million and one things for me to do, so Im thinking "thank goodness I got all my weekend prep stuff done on Thursday" I was also informed that I was short a cashier due to her baby troubles at home.

so all is well, i got what Lee needed done, signs and tickets were hung, life was good aside from my pounding headache. until I scanned a Set For Life ticket and it rang up 1 dollar. "odd" I thought. I went to change it back to 4 dollars and thought maybe someone screwed it up while building it in. No biggie, little did I know, HUGE biggie.

I was called to the deli where four lovely co-workers of mine (no seriously they are great, and I will miss them when I leave) informed me that their cakes and random deli products where scanning in at a dollar... this was the exact moment of complete and utter PANIC!!!! I looked Nakita in the eye and said "SHIT! I don't know how to fix this!" "I have no idea what items are scanning in at a buck and which aren't" Until genious of them to figure out that all the cakes were test items (items not in the computer, that I need to manually add in) turns out that ALL and I mean HUNDREDS of items from every department were ringing in at a dollar.

So... I called Lee, then I called our support, then Lee, then Dave from support called me, then I panic called Angela who didn't pick up... then I finally phoned Rob who was already on his way. He was crazy calm when I was a storm of panic/stress/furry and harsh regret thinking it was all my fault. I literally sat at a table on my break and Nakita came to give me a side hug and invited me out drinking (I didn't go)

Angela finally rescued me at 7:30pm or so that night and came to the store. we are on it with fixing the problem but we have to do it all manually.... its THE WORST! but we're almost all ready there in completely fixing it. so the hubby and I had take-out as well as an attempted calm and relaxing night so I can de-stress because I was sure stressing ALL day yesterday and most of today.

now... BED! i sure need a looooooong sleep before Im up at 5am for books in the morning.

today was such a nice relaxing day, it was weird though cause I just couldn't get enough sleep. I had to keep going back to bed, I had three naps! Mom and Dad are gone with Jason and Brandon to California. Its so weird to have them go on vacation without me. For so long no matter what was going on in my life, I always went with them, they are the most fun to go on vacation with. But this year, its different! New last name, new hubby... Cam and I just can't do it this year considering next summer is going to be packed with trips and all. For Jessica and Colins wedding, SO excited to travel to Winnipeg to spend time with the family. Actually Mikki is having her second, due in two and a half weeks! Im secretly hoping for a boy, so I can spoil a nephew with tonka trucks and nerf guns. But another neice would be so much fun as well, more cabbage patch kids and sparkly glitter.

so this Friday is the count down to ten weeks until I leave IGA. Its seriously bittersweet to leave. I have been SO blessed with that job, the 40 hrs, the pay, the security was/is so wonderful. But school and finishing a BA is much more important to me. I don't want to be an IGA lifer, I have plans, plans that I truly feel directed to complete, plans that I feel more passionate about than I ever thought possible. The file was and is so much fun to do, and now Im trying to get on landscaping with Cams boss Sue for some hours in spring/summer of next year. I have no idea where I will end up with work before a masters is complete. But the journey and trying something new with a LOT more freedom is what I truly need. I can't stand the confinement of shift work, its unreal how it truly takes over your life. I feel like I haven't been able to do anything for the past year and a half. I have felt trapped and thats NOT how I chose to live anymore, counseling will be soooo much more relaxed and freeing when I eventually get there, but also so will landscaping. Sue is AMAZING! the best boss I have known in a long time. She called my brother Brandon to work because the team wanted to take him out to the bar on their lunch break and treat him to a beer for his 19th birthday. What other boss does that? No... seriously!

Well... I have a prayer request if you don't mind. Im not sure if Ive posted much about it, but Ive been feeling sick again. Lots of chest pressure/pain and so I went to the doctor finally, with a lot of concerns about it. My mom told me its probably heart burn, which I agreed. But taking tums does such a huge number on my stomach so I never take them. So, the doctor grilled me with questions... including what I have and haven't been tested for. I was SO impressed because finally it seems like the guy cares. I am being sent for whats called a GI test, at some imaging place in Langely so Im assuming that its going to be a drink that I have to take and then some sort of scan. Its apparently supposed to show whether or not I have an ulcer or some other problem in my esophagus. Only my appointment is September 18th, and I got the appointment a week ago! always so long to wait for these things. I am a little nervous cause I feel like throwing up ALL the time, and Im sure Im not pregnant (whew!) Im also getting my stomach pains back. grrrr.... no cramps though so it cant be endo. Im thinking of going back on my strict no wheat, no sugar thing to see if thats whats doing the damage. Its just SO frustrating, like this stupid sick thing never ends. Please just consider me in your prayers that if something is wrong that it is caught and treated, and if not, than I can just control whatever sensitivity I have with diet.

**yawn** bed time again!
cheers :D
Nicole.

last night was so much fun! cam and i went to his ten year highschool reunion and i had some great talks with some of cams friends wives. one had a five month old son, jullian and he was adorable. it was just so great to spark up conversations with people i have never met but strangely felt completely comfortable with. i might have even been the youngest wife there! heehee. it felt like everyone there was older than me, with a kid, or two. but it was so much fun. one of the wives and i talked about so many personal things, it was crazy! and her friend is going into the same counseling field as i want to go into, so that was interesting!

but yah, so now today cam and i are going to potters because its a 50% off sale! which is super exciting for cam. and then we're going grocery shopping for me! (because Im getting recipies for coconut cream pie and chimichangas) Im making mommy stehr her b-day dinner tomorrow!

going to eat cereal, then we're off!

smiles :)

I am really tired! camping was so much fun, and once I have some more time to post some pictures I definitely will. Cameron, Jason, Brandon and I headed out to Clearwater, specifically Dutch Lake on Wednesday, the 5th and then stayed until today, the 10th. We woke up this morning to rain, rain and more rain! Cam had to jump out of our tent around 3am to prevent a lot of our things from getting wet. We had a sweet set up though with tarps, two picnic tables, two coleman stoves and although we weren't allowed to have a fire, we made the best of it.

Yesterday was full of hot hot sun and a beautiful sky, all the boys got a little bit more red than they wanted. I got really red as well, but ventured into the shade just in time I think. On Saturday night we had a wicked thunder/lightning show. That was soooo nice and fun to watch, under our tarp with hot chocolate and marshmellows. My diet was pretty well thrown out the window, but thats alright. I start back up again tomorrow.

We found the BEST diner type resturant, Greys Inn just across the hwy from our camping site. The food was incredible and very very reasonable. We are keeping that in mind for the next time we're around that area.

As well, I got the BEST phone call from my soon to be sister-in-law Jessica Noel who is Cam's, younger brother Colin's, fiance. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids! :D and I am SUPER SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! The wedding is August 14th, 2010.
And Im really thrilled because I should have at least a week/ten days in Winnipeg for Jess and whatever it is she needs help with, hanging out with the family, seeing my new nieces or nephews that should be coming this fall/winter, Michele is due in the fall, Jen in the winter. SOOOO excited for whats in store next summer/next year.

I better get in the shower, and then in bed. Another day off work tomorrow to relax a bit more and then its back to IGA, I should probably call for my hours! heehee.

Blessings and hugz.

My mom text messaged me (we constantly text message, its our "thing") that I had to promise her to check out the http://www.joycemeyers.com/ online tv sermons that you can watch on the website. And so I tried watching a few the other day, and too bad that I had to leave for work cause in that 28 minutes my entire outlook on things changed! Its just that I guess I haven't been focused on the true things in life. Its hard when you feel like you've lost yourself, thats exactly how I've felt lately.

Okay... so enough of my "diary blabbing" whats coming up for us? We are going CAMPING! with the family... well, with my brothers. Mom and Dad can't come cause they are already taking time off for Palm Dessert this August (lucky butts!).

As well, I can officially announce (since I told my boss this morning) that I will be leaving IGA the first week of November and take some time off to visit family, and study my butt off because....... IM GOING BACK TO CBC FULL TIME IN JANUARY! yipppeee.. Im sooooo excited. The plan is also for me to complete my Masters Degree very soon afterwards and study to be a Christian Counselor where I can work pretty well anywhere (church, school, own practice). I will be cramming three semesters hopefully into two, and do some correspondance next summer with a "sister college" of CBC's from Alberta. We'll see how it works out, I still need to complete an internship as well. Its going to be sooo hard, so I definitely need to start doing something in my routine to handle stress.

loves and hugs all!
Nicole

ps. me and the boys went to the Kutless concert on Sunday and it was AWESOME! very upbeat, one of those types that gets you teary.

okay... so since I have some time I can now blog about the past adventures in the lives of well, my hubby and I. Not entirely interesting, but here it goes.

July 1st... it didnt even feel like a stat holiday since that was MOVING DAY! which was wonderful to say the least. Cams best man at the wedding, Trevor came to help out, that was awesome. We also had the help of brother Jason, My parents and Cams parents! wow! karen (my mother in law) also prepared lunch so I wouldn't have to worry about it. It was fantastic! now... just piles upon piles of boxes and I seriously have no motivation right now, its Cam doing all the work.

July 3rd... crunch time to get to Dawson Creek before night fall on the fourth. So what crazy thing do we do? Leave at 3:35am for the looooong drive over there. We arrive at 5:25pm. And you can see the sleeplessness in my eyes, lack of shower, lack of nutrious food... everything in all the photos of that day. We also found out that Nicole + roads that twist & turn + lack of gravol = the need of a puke bucket and serious pill popping. I had no idea I got so sick on road trips like that, I don't remember it as a kid. But... well, now we MUST have gingerale, crackers, gravol, advil, water, food, bucket in order for me to get through it.

July 4th... WEDDING! and Carlene was GORGEOUS! sooo happy that we made it and that we got to see Mike, Anita and Cat again. It was sweet, and fantastic.

July 5th... MY 24TH BIRTHDAY! and another horrible day in the car. At least my hubby treated me to presents in the morning and a Tim Hortons breakfast. We left Dawson Creek that morning at 10:30am ish and arrived in Kelowna for 9:30pm. lots of rain so camping was outta the question even though it was our original plan. Here we are, sad to be leaving Dawson Creek.

July 6th.. we decided to stay one day in Kelowna and saw TRANSFORMERS! for my birthday cause well, I loooooove transformers (thats what growing up with boys will do to ya). It was awesome! so impressed by the film. Then a really nice dinner and a swim in the pool followed by lots and lots of relaxing.

July 7th... on the road again! towards HOME! we got home early afternoon and crashed.

Then a couple days Cam and I had off work together, to just re-adjust to life in our new place and unpack some boxes and try to relax before life started again. We will definitely NOT do that again unless, like Carlene, its someone we truly care for. That was soooo exhausting, what we thought was going to be a nice drive and a nice vacation turned into a tired, sickly mess. We both came away with such horrible headaches, fuzzy/dizzy minds and an aching body along with the ever pressing desire to throw up! And now I have a really bad cough and sore throat. So... we hope next year will free us up financially to do something a little bit more relaxing. Even though Winnipeg is definitely a must

since......

CONGRATS TO CAMS BROTHER COLIN WHO JUST GOT ENGAGED!!!! and to Jessica, who has been pretty well apart of the family since I have. So we are SO GLAD to have them be official and to welcome the new Mrs. Stehr!

loves and blessings to everyone! :)

the Stehrs

hey peeps! so, its been a while, and well... its been exhausting. No worries pictures will come soon of the new place, once the unpacking is done.
We went to Carlenes wedding which was wonderful and beautiful, up in Dawsons Creek!!!!! We are now back, and to our jobs and trying to juggle everything involved with life right now.

so this is going to be just a quick one to let you know that Im still here... that Im loving life, Im stressed and sickly so please pray for me.

Also, please keep my very good friend Alissa Dueck and her family in your prayers, her father recently passed away and it breaks my heart that this incredible family is in such pain.
Love you Alissa, **hugz**

blessings!

well... the move is complete. we are IN! and i am beyond THRILLED! its wonderful to be out of the in-laws place and finally into our own space. SOOOO EXCITED to move things around, get organized and decorate. im just overly excited to be in my own space, i love my in-laws but to be in my own place is just fantastic. i am too independant to live with any form of parents anymore. and i am sooooo excited to start cooking again. its honestly my new hobby and passion, i just love to cook! and ive come to realise how picky i am with my meals. but then again, im getting sick again... like REALLY sick again :'( so things are going to have to desperately change once again... o well, im committed to making it work and not letting it ruin my life any longer.

well... Cam is unloading boxes and although im so frustrated at everything right now because its so overwhelming. i feel so guilty leaving him to do all the work. so... here i go, getting off the super ugly couch that must be replaced! hahaah...

loves and hugs.

WE GOT THE PLACE! the one that I was describing in the previous post. We got it! And the best, most crazy part? Well, let me tell the story, since I love telling it!

After a very exhausting and horrible day of packing, Cam came home to pick me up and we went down to this new place to take a look at this newly renovated, pretty in the photos basement suite. However, we've been through that before and were extremely dissapointed before, so I didn't want to get our hopes up.
We knocked on the door, and this young guy (only a few years older than Cam) holding this adorable little girl answered. He was really friendly, really nice and I breathed a sigh of relief! He took us to the suite, around the side of the house (which has its OWN patio and private cemented area with a fence) and let us in. The moment I stepped through the entrance (which are french doors!) I LOVED it. Lamenant flooring in the kitchen, beautiful fireplace with mantel, good size family area, an island in the kitchen which actually IS a kitchen, has the best fridge around and a great dishwasher and stove. We then moved to the bedroom which is such a great size and has cable... the other bedroom which has such a cute stacker washer/dryer and then the super small but adorable bathroom. We turned around to the guy and asked "what is the next step? we want to rent this!"

As Jon was explaining, he stopped and asked Cam (who has his youth worker shirt on) what a youth worker was? where did he go to school? are you guys christian? Yes, we're christian! we stated a little unsure where he was going with it.
Then it comes out that he goes to Cams parents church! He works at Langley Christian High and the family that lives across the street from them also know the Stehrs... Weird we say... then give them our info. They said they would call but another couple are interested too... they need to discuss it.
So... we head off to White Spot, and then two hours later. They call and what do we find out? Cams sister Michele had graduated with Jon and his wife. Christy (his wife) hung out with Michele in gym class in grade nine!! and a lady that Jons mom works with knows Cams family!!! They then state that they are looking at Cams grade nine photo as they sit there speaking to us on their home phone.
we're like WHAT!????
The next thing was like music to my hears "we want to reserve you guys! come over in a couple days and if you bring us your deposit we would LOVE for you guys to be our renters"

so there you go... what an incredible answer to prayer huh?!

We went over the other day to sign their rental agreement, and give them our deposit so we can secure the suite for July 1st. They said they are so thrilled to have us as their tenants and we're so thrilled to have them as our landlords. We ended up staying over there for about two hours just talking and realised that we have a lot in common!

God is seriously good, because situations like this, I believe, never occur without Him. Things like this have been happening left right and center for my family and my life with Cam. Its unbelieveable how God has provided, and blessed us. Im beyond words, this season of life is absolutely the most wonderful. So... I'll post some pic once we finally make it our own.

But for now, since we're living with Cams parents, there will be no access to internet unless I walk down to my parents house which I will do on a regular basis. So.... call me if you wish!

hugs and loves!
The Stehrs :)

wow! its been a while... and come on, no comments!? :P just bugging...

so whats new? Um... still haven't found a place "officially" we LOVE this one place (at least we love the online photos, whats included, the price and location) its all that we're looking for. BUT we haven't seen it yet, we haven't put money down on it yet, and its not available until July 1st. SO! we're hoping to see it tomorrow after Cam is off work, and that means if we get it **fingers crossed** we'll be staying with Mom and Dad Stehr until then. SURPRISE MOM!
it should be allll good, Im actually really looking forward to the bonding time with my new folks. I haven't had the opportunity to be that close to them, so its all exciting to me! But if this place falls through, then we're back to square one with searching. We're not too worried, just had enough and want to settle down.

so it was one of my best friends birthday last friday and we went to her party. im really sad cause she hasn't found a job around here yet (she is from Ontario and doesn't want to go back) but no job equals no income and no money to live here or pay for school next semester, so.... shes in a tight spot, and I HATE seeing her in that tight of a spot. Its actually a very common thing to hear around here, CBC students without summer jobs. Im SO thankful for the work that Cam and I have... even my good friend Amy's husband has no job and she has to go to school in September, her PDP which is impossible to get accepted to. She got in!!! And now the hubby has to take over the job of "bringing home the bacon" but there is no work in his trade. What to do? Other than just completely rely on God. Please keep these very special people in your heart and prayers, I hate to see them living out this terribly difficult season.

As well, Jason, my brother just got layed off work. Please pray for him and that he finds a job soon. He is at a cross road as to what to do for his career, stay with the Union? Or venture out, go to BCIT and move forward quicker. If only he can find that job!!

other than the realization of the recession things are going really well! my long-time friend and practical cousin Karen Roeck (used to be Ens) just had her first baby this morning at 5am! CONGRATS YOU GUYS! LOVE YOU LOTS! The babys name is Katlyn Margaret Roeck and she was 7lbs 12oz or so. We visited them at the hospital tonight and Karen is glowing and Aaron couldn't keep his hands off his daugther. What a cute family.

I will leave you with some fun photos from Julies birthday... Take care all and have a happy Tuesday!

hey peeps! well... there is a LOT going on right now in the lives of us, the new Stehr newlyweds.

1. We put in our notice to leave our place here in Abby for May 31st, we have no place to live however and are panicked that we'll end up in one of our parents basements! please pray for us to find a suite FAST! thats cheap, good location, has laundry and amazing landlords.

2. Cam is back to work! and since we are in Abby for now, we're both waking up at 6:15am to make the drive out to Langley so Cam can be at work for 7:30am and I can be at IGA whenever my shift starts. We're spending a LOT of time at my parents right now cause mom takes Brandon and Cam to work and I hang out there until my shift starts and pick Cam up when its done. We haven't had dinner at our place in about two weeks!

3. We are coming up with some future plans and goals, this is all very very exciting and terrifying and crazy stressful all at the same time. When we finally understand what these goals look like... we'll let cha know! Mostly its me figuring out what I want to do once Cindy gets back to IGA and my year commitment and responsibilites are done.

4. We are planning two vacations this summer! Nothing too crazy cause we're going to be saving up our money like mad this summer. But we're going to my friend Carlene's wedding on July 4th and since thats the day before my birthday and its in Dawson's Creek. We are ROAD TRIPPING! SOOOO excited!! And on the way back after the wedding we are going to do some wine tastings in Kelowna or Pentiction. Its going to be fun fun fun! Then we're camping in August with my brothers, fishing, drinking some beer, BBQ'ing, the works!

Life is looking great like usual... we have some very exciting times ahead, I feel like life is going to start at any moment and be amazing!!! But then I forget that it already is! :)

Update on my doctors appointment, it went well. There IS something wrong that I need some meds for, but I will NOT go into it so do not ask! No surgery needed though, so thats fantastic!! I still think that something is wrong with my stomach/chest/lungs. I need to see a doctor for it, but Im not sure how to go about it quite yet. Pretty well stress is taking over my entire body and messing it up. Thats the ultimate problem, so I need to figure out what my life needs to look like in order for me to control it and stop the medical problems. Lots of discipline, self discovery and journaling in store for me this year... its my goal to fix everything before Cam and I are ready for kids. Thats about two years then, its going to take time. But I need to do this for myself and my future, my husband and family. Pretty well if I keep up what Im doing Im probably just going to be sick and get sicker for the rest of my life, my body is just waay to sensitive.

Alright. Time to put together some food and go out to get my mothers some presents for tomorrow, Im really excited to celebrate them!!!!

Lots of love and hugs!

O.. and YAY for Third Day! Cam and I get to go to the concert tonight with a bunch of friends for REALLY cheap! Front row too! I'll brag about it tomorrow :P

i was going through my wedding photos today... just to take a peek again, i loooove looking at them because they make me feel sooo beautiful and so loved. it was such a magical and wonderful day! Especially with the snow.

but i came across this photo of my dad and WOW it captures the exact essence of my father. i looove my daddy, im such a daddys girl. i adore him, and i am sooo thankful because as of yesterday my dad has officially been hired on to Microplex once again! YIPPEEEE! praise the Lord, my father has a job. and we are thrilled. it means so much to me, and cameron that my father has work and stability, just more proof of how good God has been and the blessings he's given to my father, mother and us. so now we can all breathe a little easier!

God is good... all the time! amen!

love, hugz and fuzzy thoughts!

yesterday as my name was called i walked across the stage at Northview Church in red, i had a funny hat on with a tassel that read "2009" and was given a folder with my name written on a piece of fancy paper indicating that i, yes, i indeed have succeeded in completeing a diploma in Caregiving & Counseling at Columbia Bible College. actually, two faculty members asked me if i wanted my named changed on my diploma because it read Nicole Kroeker, I replied "no, its exactly the way I want it".

why!? because i came into CBC as Nicole Kroeker, and i changed my major to Counseling and Caregiving as Nicole Kroeker, and i completed my diploma as Nicole Kroeker. So therefore, that name is staying attached to that particular accomplishment.

i didn't think that yesterday was going to affect me the way that it did. i kept telling everyone, including myself that its "not a big deal, this is Cams big grad, its not mine". but then as Doug Epp and my favorite professor, Gay Lynn Voth spoke at the dinner i started to break down in tears. This place, this home... is never going to be the same. Yes, I will walk these halls again in January and i will walk them proudly, but i will not have as many people who will stop me for a hug. i will not have my incredible roommates bug the heck out of me, and i will not take all of my meals in the cafeteria at that particular table anymore. its done! my degree may not be completed but my time at CBC the way i once knew it, was/is over. and that realisation is a very heartfelt one to experience. my beloved friend Julie and my "other brother" Dave are still going to be there when i return, there is thankfully tremendous comfort in that fact. but no longer will i have conversations with Carlene about our weddings and psych classes, no longer will there be Ryan to bug, or the Nolte couple to joke around with in the halls. Jackie is moving on, and so it changes.

So the question being asked is .... What am I doing now?
Im going back and completeing a Bachelor of Arts degree in January, to me, a diploma is just NOT good enough... I will hopefully do some correspondance throughout the summer next year so I can continue to work and also so that I don't burn out and graduate when I want to (with Julie!)
I will then go on to a Masters Degree, Im looking and planning on the program at Trinity Western in ACTS.
we'll see... these are my plans, but well... we all know how plans can change.

Love and prayers... with lots of reflection today.
Nicole Stehr

lately ive been thinking a lot about my future. i guess one of my faults is that i always want to know whats coming around the corner, i always want to know what to expect. i LOVE surprises, but when it comes to my life and my future i want to be "in the know". which in most cases is absolutely ridiculous and completely impossible. this is why im convinced that God is going to throw a baby into the mix when i least expect it, (no! im not pregnant).

why have i been thinking about tomorrow? about two months, six months, a year from now? i guess cause im bored?! (i get bored very easily), or maybe because i know that what i wake up to do today isn't what im supposed to do tomorrow, or a year from now, or even eight months from now. i know that there is this incredible plan that i can see but just can't hold yet and thats whats so crazy exciting to me.

school... i ADORE school. i never, ever! thought that'd be me. i never thought that i would be the book worm, the psychology major, i never pictured myself trying to stay in school for the longest time possible, but i want to. and well... i will.
my dream goal? a PhD in psychology. and i seriously don't care if i reach that at 60 years old. i don't care that i may have to put school off when that pregancy comes completely out of the blue (im telling you its going to be the biggest surprise at the most unreal time!) at the very least I'll put my Masters Degree off. i KNOW that counselling, or what my friend said... social work is my future. and although i have the "plan" on the horizons, i still don't know what is around the corner and in a lot of ways that scares the crap out of me. but at least i know that once i turn the corner i have a strong sense of where i want to be and who i will be. and at least i know that by the time im in my thirties and finished my masters degree and talking in highschools, youth groups, community centres to girls about pre-marital sex, eating disorders, drug abuse, body abuse and more... i'll have seen more, know more, be more mature to deal with what will come my way. did i mention im excited and eager to get started?

i guess i just realised the other day while driving to work... that i know exactly who i am. i know exactly who i live for and know exactly where i am going in life. i know exactly what i want, and why i wake up everyday... and no one, not even the circumstances in my life and the people in my life that have tossed me around can take that away. this realization is incredibly empowering, and such a huge blessing!

im ranting, and my steak is waiting... so....

love and hugs!

ps. please pray for Cam and I, that we find a place around Langley, a cute, affordable home with laundry!!!! if you know anyone at all... give them our name!

So after work I came home to an empty loft, I opened up the door, knowing that Cam is at youth tonight doing something crazy with those kids. Although at most times I hate being alone, I really do enjoy my time to myself if its not hours upon hours... a nice three hour time span for me to reflect, make myself something to eat, and just tune out is really really welcoming.
I opened up the door to the Christmas lights on our railing being turned on and a piece of white paper that read "go upstairs & relax, love Cam" When I went upstairs there was Cams brown sweatshirt laid out for me on our bed that was so neatly made up! (I love wearing Cams sweatshirts after work cause its so comfy!) there was a letter on there as well telling me to go to the kitchen, so I did! To find a clean kitchen!!!! with my boxes of teas laid out, my favorite mug and the kettle full and another letter that read "turn the kettle on and pick a tea and relax, love Cam" so I turned the kettle on and picked my vanilla mighty leaf. Then on the couch Cam made up a "bed" with a bunch of blankets, pillows from our bed, my computer right next to the couch, the phone placed beside the pillow and another note that read "relax!!!"
it was soooo sweet! what a treat to come home to... so I made myself some dinner (eggs, turkey bacon and some toast ....mmm....) poped in the Shrek the Third dvd that Ive been dying to watch again and relaxed. Im still relaxing and its wonderful!!!!

WOW! I have such a considerate husband, I am so blessed and thankful.

well... hurray, at least i know FINALLY what is wrong. the clinic that Cam forced me into... literally with bribes and my kicking & screaming. but as i sat there in the cold chair waiting for my name to be called i realized that i really needed to be told what it was that i was going to be told.

so... after i had to lie down, after i was poked a dozen times and told to breathe deeply "in and out, in and out" i sat up to discover that yes, indeed stress is my enemy!

so here is the deal:
i have an imbalanced sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system.

The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is a branch of the autonomic nervous system along with the enteric nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system. It is always active at a basal level (called sympathetic tone) and becomes more active during times of stress. Its actions during the stress response comprise the fight-or-flight response. (http://en.wikipedia.org).

The parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) is a division of the autonomic nervous system (ANS), along with the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and enteric nervous system (ENS or "bowels NS"). The ANS is a subdivision of the peripheral nervous system (PNS). ANS sends fibers to three tissues: cardiac muscle, smooth muscle, or glandular tissue. This stimulation, sympathetic or parasympathetic, is to control smooth muscle contraction, regulate cardiac muscle, or stimulate or inhibit glandular secretion. The actions of the parasympathetic nervous system can be summarized as "rest and digest" (as opposed to the "fight-or-flight" effects of the sympathetic nervous system). (http://en.wikipedia.org).

Apparently because of this imbalance, one of my nervous systems is compensating for the other and dominating. Therefore, some of my organs aren't exactly "happy", they aren't functioning the way they are supposed to. So my stomach is pumping out more stomach acid than it needs, which is backing up into my esophagus and causing extreme heartburn/pressure/pain. The doctor said that the treatment is some pills and its fairly straight forward but the duration of the pill taking is tricky. i have to go see him next week this time, and he is forcing the second visit by only giving me a weeks worth of pills! Also, he figures that the last time i had an "ulcer" was not an ulcer at all but an inflammation like what im going through now, another "attack" as he called it.

After I got home and swallowed the monster pill, i did some research and am honestly a little freaked out but also very happy and excited with my findings. It turns out that this imbalance could be the result of the trauma I had when I was born (I almost died, I had the umbilical cord wrapped around my head three times), and could be responsible for my digestion issues and hormonal imbalances. crazy huh!? Well.... Im just taking it easy now, and trying to de-stress... Im going to research tactics on how to de-stress, does anyone have any pointers?

But Im not allowed coffee anymore, and no advil. O, and my headaches are connected to this all too apparently! So once my chest pain starts to go away with the meds the doctor gave me, my headaches should too.

love and hugs!

hey peeps... so I think I have come to the conclusion, after some Medical searching on the web, that I either have an ulcer or just really bad heartburn which either or SUCKS to be plagued with. O well, I guess the stress is getting to me and all the "over indulging" is causing my body to scream in revolt. Cam is taking me to the clinic today after he gets some homework done. I have today and tomorrow off (thank goodness!). But you know the sucky part? If it is an ulcer I'll have to stop taking Advil again, and stop drinking coffee again, so than WHAT THE HECK am I going to do for my headaches? AHHHH!
Stress SUCKS!

On another note, a lady came in to work yesterday, shes awesome I really like her. Actually there are a few customers that I adore! But anyways, she mentioned Sureslim to me because I had mentioned to her weeks before my wedding that I was on it cause she asked how I lost all the weight (I can't believe she noticed, Cam hardly noticed). But anyways, I had to ashamefully admit that I have been off of the program since the wedding and that its "hard to keep to now that Im married". But then on my way home I thought to myself, "what the heck is my problem? I have gained all the weight back that I had lost for the wedding and I desperately need to start taking care of myself if I want this heartburn/ulcer/stree to go away". So folks, Im going back on it on Thursday. I just need to buy a food scale. geeeeezzzzz.... Im becoming that kind of wife that I swore I never would become. You know, the kind that says "the hell with it!" and eats themselves into a size HUGE pant and gets diabetes and dies of a stroke (like my Oma).

O... speaking of my Oma, My moms aunt is amazing! My Tante Lilly gave me my Omas, mothers china set! (thats my moms grandmother, my great grandmother Angelika). I am OVER JOYED! I can not believe that I now own the china that my grandmother ate off of at special occasions, that has been in the family for years, its the BEST wedding gift of all time. Even my kitchen aid stand mixer, and my dyson vaccum don't add up to how much of an incredible gift this is. I am beyond thankful and beyond joyful to recieve it. Now I get to serve special occasion dinners with this china. And it is definitely my taste, its gold rimmed, with a floral pink pattern. I will post a picture of it soon. I bet there are second cousins and other women in the family that are pissed off that I am the one who got it! But I don't care and I fully intend on passing it down through the generations. Its like a piece of my Oma again, its like my Oma gave me this for my wedding, its like having her in my home. When I finally got to pick up that plate and exclaim how much I love it I cried a little... I miss my grandmother more than anything else in this whole world, I would give up soooo much just to be held my her again **tear**.

Well, Im off to relax on the couch and watch the remaining season 7 of Gilmore Girls. I really REALLY need this chilling time.

Love, prayers... and a big huge hug!

hey... just a quick one before work! Im working file this weekend and the next, then I get two off in a row! Just need to get through these two first before I get the sweet time off! Im not sure but now Im getting chest pain/pressure, still have the headaches, and Im dizzy and sorta sickly in the tummy if I don't eat the "right" things. I have no clue whats wrong with me! but Im dealing with it I guess....

Life is wonderful! Cam and I are looking for an apartment in Langley, please keep us in your prayers that we find something in our price range that is perfect for us! Im really nervous since we're putting in our notice and last months rent the end of this month.

eeekk... just a few minutes before I have to take off!

hey folks! well... and update, and yes the nose tea-pot story for you Alissa!
it so happens that the water from the tea-pot, as I stuck the thing in my nose, tilted my head as I was supposed to according to the picture and directions.... almost make me throw up in the sink and cough like a crazy person!!!!! Cam was wondering what I was doing up there and was sad that he missed the spectacle that was me. Im not sure if that twenty bucks was a waste of money or not because Im scared of the thing and may never do it again! No! not me!

In other news... heehee, I went to the doc. Not my doc (I don't trust that lousy man who couldn't correctly diagnose me if my life depended on it). I went to the walk in clinic in Langley, with my mommy of course cause Im a little girl! But I was brave and waited in the little waiting room all by myself (really, I was impressed with myself). The doc came in, who was awesome! He was so nice, and so little, and so kind and listened which is new to me with medical doctors (other than Dr. Williams who is my gynecologist and the most amazing doctor ever! Kort will agree Im sure). Anyways...
He asked me the usual questions which were associated with trying to discover if my headaches are in fact migraine related, and since I researched before the appointment what kind of headaches I could be getting, I knew what info he was fishing for. Most of my answers were, "no! light & sound don't effect it", "no! Im not vomitting although Im feeling very much like I want to do so!". So he came very close to look into my eyes and TA-DA! nothing seriously wrong with me **breath of relief** but that my headaches are stress related and that I need to "change my lifestyle" and if I do indeed "change my life-style and take the advil he is recommending me to take" and Im not better in a couple months then I have to go back and see him again to talk about what else it could be.

If I take the advil every day on time (every four hours), then I feel somewhat alright, but if I miss it for a little while (like this morning) then I feel headachy, dizzy, sickly, and well... just not too pretty. More weird and faded like. Im not sure whats up! And no Kort, I haven't done what you suggested, although Im wondering if I should.

Okay guys... Cam and I are attempting to look at our taxes now, he has the stuff all laid out on our kitchen table, and as much as its going to give me a headache, he brought home my favorite wine so maybe that'll make it less painful.

Lots of love and smiles!

hello all who read (which I am assuming is only Alissa and Kort!) O well, no matter to me, this is such a good way to vent! hahaha...

so these past couple of weeks?
I FINALLY got to see Alissa a couple weeks back! which was super and so much fun, we talked so much that I ended up staying in that Starbucks for 3 1/2 hours with two beverages! And then I was finally able to see Kort yesterday and her adorable baby girl Alexys who is so pretty and looks very much like her mommy. Another Starbucks drink and lots of "adult" conversation which was very encouraging and fun. I also got to see Julie on Thursday night last week which was wonderful, another Starbucks date! (I always end up there). She filled me in on all of her Mexico adventures, and we were there for at least two hours, only one drink that time though.

Its been so great to finally catch up with important friends, and now a date with Amy will happen next week, and hopefully one with Traci as well, I feel like time just keeps slipping away.

Lately Ive realised that I just need to keep positive and keep my focus above. I find myself slipping into this helpless, hopeless, horrible depressive state which is ridiculous because there is NOTHING for me to be sad about. But I get into this state of mind where all I want to do is swear at everyone and everything, run and hide and cry forever! Im at least finding God again in all of it... and recently an entirely different state of mind. Ive also completely transformed my diet, and Im going to start moving more to relieve my stress. So... maybe thats what's helping?!

Ive been having these horrible headaches, they are behind my eyes and have more recently moved to the back of my head. I will get them in the middle of my sleep, while Im at work, while Im typing on my blog. They will come for hours and hours, leave for a little while and then creep back. Ive tried warm cloths, sinus pills, that water blue medicine pot, changing from contacts to my glasses and then back to contacts. Everything I can think of to explain it, and nothing seems to be the cause. So Im going to the walk in clinic tomorrow. I hope my mom can come with me for support, and well, to hang out cause I haven't seen her in a while.
Im a little nervous cause one of the girls from work has been in the hospital for three days because of her headaches :S
Fingers crossed that worse case I need to get my prescription changed in my glasses or I have an infection of some sort. I hope its nothing worse.

well... off to bed! Im exhausted and hope my head stops aching.

O yah... I seriously have the BEST husband ever! I was soooooo mean a couple days ago, dealing with my depressive state, and then when I finally snapped out of it I apologized like crazy! and what does my husband do? but buy me the most gorgeous pink roses (my fave!) because he thought that I needed a "pick me up!" and wrote in this super sweet card the most wonderful love letter. Seriously! where did I find this guy? And I am soooo glad that hes mine forever!

take care everyone, and be healthy!