today i feel sick... well, ive been feeling sick for a while but today and the days previous to this i have been wondering why i have let it get this far.
i love who i am, i truly do and i am impressed with how far i have come emotionally, spiritually but not exactly physically. i want to be healthier, i want to change my perspectives on food and myself so that i can get to a place of complete transformation and a new "me" in that way but im not sure.
i mean i am prepared and excited to get out of school and start a new lifestyle, one which will be difficult indeed but needed. i feel the sickness, i can see the sickness, the weight ive gained, the blanket, "as it were" ontop of me which has been suffocating myself.
once again though... how have i let it get this far? why? what has told me that i am unable to stop it? im not exactly sure... but i know that i need to get healthy, i NEED to.
i owe it to me, Cam, and our future children.
ba...