I feel as though the surgery has been this one overwhelming step in the right direction, although it feels like it NEVER happened, more like a dream, a very surreal experience. I am very cautious of how I am now, I am not expecting anything from this surgery except to feel exactly the same because if I expect anything other than that, and nothing changes, then at least I am not disappointed.

I need to take a step back and evaluate what happened, how I really feel and as soon as the after pains of surgery fade away, then I get to discover this "new me" that I hope gets to emerge. I hope that I start to love my body again, I hope I start to respect myself and the goals I wish to set out for me. I feel that I can close my eyes and see the place that I wish to be... the healthy place but it seems almost impossible to get there. BA!

But for now, I need to stay away from the mountains of Halloween candy thats filling my moms pantry... eeekk... I could really go for a m&m peanut right now :P