I've already been thinking for weeks about if I was going to write this particular post and how I was going to write it. Should I include all the information, some of the information, no information? Then I thought, "well... all my close friends know, my entire family knows, what if there is a woman or couple out there that comes across this post and needs the info?" So here I am, writing this post and offering up my testimony so that I can potentially help another woman with this disease, or at least encourage a woman who is ashamed or embarrased come out and find the correct help.
All I've ever wanted in life was my own family, I was the girl that dreamed about her prince charming and her perfect home with at least four kids running around. So when I was diagnosed with Endometriosis back in 2007, I was devestated, horrified, lost, depressed, angry, and experienced sadness I had never felt before. There was a potential for infertility, it was NOT good news. Then I got refered to the best doctor and got surgery two months before my wedding day and life was perfect again! No pain, No side effects... poof! it was gone!
Until... I experienced once again a pain that can only be described as "though I was being ripped open!" on my wedding night. I thought, "of course it will hurt the first time, no big deal". But then it hurt every other time after that, for months! At my review appointment with my miracle doctor who did my Endo surgery, we concluded that she actually did get all the Endo out!! There was a moment of excitment and joy and celebration, until I told her about my new pain. I was immediately examined by her, and with a look of saddness in her eyes she gave me a new booklet and sent me into the waiting room. As I opened the booklet and reviewed the material I came across the words "chronic pain disease" and I started to cry. Alone in the waiting room of the Womens hospital I found out that I had what's called provoked Vestibulodynia, with paitents recovery rate at 60%, and 75% if they go through the MVP treatment program at Vancouver General Hospital.
I felt a whole range of emotions as you can probably guess at the diagnosis, I was once again angry, felt defeated, sad and was in a serious state of denial for a very long time. Finally in March of 2011 (I was diagnosed originally in May of 2009) I saw my doctor again and asked for a referal into the MVP program at Vancouver General Hospital. It was time that I came face to face with the reality of this disease. At this appointment I was once again examined to confirm the original diagnosis of provoked Vestibulodynia. Even though to hear the diagnosis once again made my sadness return, the doctor did an internal ultrasound exam to check my ovaries, eggs and uterus to ensure that I could get pregnant in the future. Let me tell you that seeing my eggs brought tears to my eyes, the good news coming out of that appointment was that I could in fact get pregnant, and that my fertility changes were much higher now because of the surgery she preformed to remove my Endometriosis! I was THRILLED!
Although that was a positive experience I had to once again face that even though my reproductive system wasn't being influenced by this new diagnosis, my sexual response and association with sexual touch was (and continues to be) in serious trouble. I was refered and immediately got a phone call from the director of the program at the hospital. I got all the information I needed and talked to my the director at my new job W&T for the time off to complete the MVP program. I was once again THRILLED when the W&T director in her office gave me a big hug and said "you MUST do this!". What an answer to prayer, to have been hired on by such an incredibly understanding company and get into the MVP program at the hospital for such a horrible vulva disease.
So here I am...
A confirmed (again!) sufferer of provoked Vestibulodynia, going through a program that I hope will save my sex life. I will blog some of my experiences through this program, as it is incredibly helpful for me to sort of "journal" these moments. But I will keep it somewhat vague, since we are talking about a very intimate part of my anatomy and relationship with my hubby.
My number one goal right now: getting to the point where I will have the ability to conceive a child without the fear or experience of tremendous pain.
Wish me luck!
N.
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