not yet Nicole... but soon!

Last Wednesday, which was February 15th to be exact. I had my treatment planning appointment with one of the gynecologists in the MVP program. I really liked her (at the beginning of our appointment) up until the point in time where she gave us bad news. Great! More bad news! How can this shitty problem get any worse you might ask? Well... Let me tell you.

Cam came with me to this particular appointment because he was allowed and I thought it was important and valuable for him to be apart of the conversation. After some very awkward questions concerning our sex life from this perfect stranger, I brought up my past Endometriosis surgery. I thought to myself, "they must be linked together somehow!". Bad news #1: the two diseases are most certainly NOT connected in any way. So when I asked, "so I got some seriously bad luck?" and she replied, "unfortunately yes" I was not a happy gal. ALTHOUGH! My Endo is gone, I must keep reminding myself of that.

So then conversation continued and the topic of fertility and family planning came up. Now may I remind you that I've wanted to be a mommy for... Like always! And Cam has only been on board the baby idea completely for like a month. So insert, Bad news #2: no baby.... yet! She doesn't want my positive sexual arousal cycle to disappear so she said "treatment first, babies after, we will return to the baby discussion at your discharge appointment". I saw Cam nodding in agreement and all I could do was stare at the carpet and think, "seriously??? And I JUST got him on board with the baby thing!" I was a walking emotional wreck for a while afterwards. And in a state of depression until yesterday.

She said most young women with my condition want children and prioritize their babies first, but then because of that they don't follow through with their treatment. They end up loosing their ability to become sexually aroused and eventually avoid intimacy altogether. This becomes quite a problem and many relationships end because of it.

So right now it's a choice between fixing my Vestibulodynia with adequate treatment and having kids when that gets better, OR just ignoring treatment and start trying for kids with the risk of things getting much worse.

So updated goal: get to the point THIS LATE SPRING/EARLY SUMMER to conceive a child without the fear or experience of tremendous pain.

Cam and I both agreed to listen to the gynecologist for now and revisit the baby topic in April. I feel like if I continue the treatments after the program ends (the ones that are working for me) until I get pregnant and throughout my 1st trimester and then right away after delivery. I could have my baby and still get better, there has to be a way to do both.

Right now I'm taking it as Gods way of saying "not yet Nicole, but soon... I haven't forgotten".

I wonder what my 1st physiotherapy appointment will bring this Wednesday.

N.