Edison keeps growing up!!

It's definitely true that the first year of a child's life goes very quickly. My son will soon be ten months old and I'm left wondering where has the time gone? Where is my precious newborn son? How did we get here so quickly? I get giddy watching my son do his latest developmental achievement and I get caught up in his smiles. But that doesn't stop my tears from flowing remembering even just a few months back when he was smaller.

Lately I feel like I'm being told of numerous pregnancy announcements and hearing of many birth celebrations. I'm not ashamed to say that a piece of me gets jealous every time those announcements are made. My heart has now started to yearn all that much more for another precious baby. Another baby Edi, or maybe a girl :)

Don't get me wrong, I'm crazy happy with my son. I'm loving every single moment I have with my boy. He's the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me and watching him grow up is the highlight of my life. But I'm starting to understand in the midst of my joy that there is also sorrow that he is growing up so quickly and is fast approaching toddlerhood. There are tears of sadness mixed into the tears of joy and NO ONE can tell me that I can't feel and experience each side of this crazy emotional roller coaster that is motherhood.

The reality of these emotions are coming to the surface and I fight back the desire to have another baby right away. It's not even possible right now so it's not like we're trying but it's definitely at the forefront of my mind. I'm longing for the joy that comes with seeing my children, holding my children, knowing my children. I've wanted a big family my whole life and so has Cam. We've equally talked about it our entire marriage and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But lately it's like I can't help myself and I talk about it more often again, especially with all the excitement surrounding me with other babies coming into the world.

Does that mean I'll be irresponsible and turn into a baby making machine? Absolutely not! Does that mean that I'll forget the other passions in my life like my career and school? Absolutely not! Does it mean that I'll forget myself and who I am? Absolutely not!

This figuring life out business is sure a journey of emotion, fear, joy, and choice. And at this moment I'm in the midst of experiencing all those things in regards to the fine art of mothering and family planning. Being a mother and having children is apart of who I am and I don't see anything wrong with that. But one of these days I will be done my family and fighting back these emotions for good will be a very hard thing to do. At least today I get to dream about the future and look forward to my next pregnancy, whenever that will be! Today I get to dream of holding another baby (or two) in my arms with Edison and Cam by my side and that's an exciting thing to dream about.

Ok. Phew! We won the hockey game, now I need to go and help my son stand again because that's his new trick and he can't get enough of it.

Damn, I'm so crazy happy!
N.