My second pregnancy

This past weekend has been really hard. We tried to keep busy with family outings but I think that just delayed the inevitable. I'm trying to mourn the loss of my pregnancy while experiencing every emotion possible. At the drop of a hat I cry, I bawl, I shake in despair at the thought of who that baby could have been. I long to know.

Was it a boy? A girl? What would we have named it? What would the birth have been like? Would he/she have looked like Edison?

I close my eyes and long for God to give me a vision of my lost baby. Please God, please show me who my beloved child would have been. Please wrap me in comfort and peace, please hold my unborn child in your heavens and whisper in their ear all about me, all about Cam & Edison. Please tell them how much they are loved by us. Please show them how much we care. Please Heavenly Father, please.

Most moments throughout the day I feel like I have forgotten that not long ago I was pregnant. And now I'm not. No big belly, no labour, no kicks, no more cravings, no more heart burn, the bloat has faded, the bleeding is gone, no evidence left of what could have been.

I know we'll start trying again soon and I hope I'll get pregnant quickly once again. But it'll never become the baby I lost. My second pregnancy, my six week old angel.

I'm sorry my beloved, I'm so sorry. I love you.
N.