IT'S SNOWING OUTSIDE!!!
cam wins... he said it would snow, I said that it would rain.
He was right, I was wrong.
O well, at least tomorrow I have an excuse to make a snowman and drink hot chocolate while wearing my sweatpants all day long!
yippppeeee.... I loooove winter!

HAPPY ONE YEAR!!! (yesturday)
so... February 24, 2007 was Cam and I's one year anniversary!
I was soooo super happy and excited to be celebrating such a special day. The day before Cam asked me to meet him at Willowbrook mall at 9:45 the morning of the 24th. Of course I was there early. I had nooooo idea what to expect, and since I love surprises, Cam has taken a liking to surprising me every chance he gets! (yippeee) He made sure I had no idea...
so he took me through Sears, while telling me that "the mall was a decoy, we're not actually doing anything there" minutes after he says this he spots the photo studio and leads me in.. he had set up an appointment for us to get professional photos done!!!
it was SUCH A SWEET IDEA! and it was soooooo much fun, a memory not soon forgotten.
After we went for brunch at White Spot thanks to Jason who gave us a gift card for Christmas... we both enjoyed eggs benedict (our favorite).
Then I had to take him to the ferry terminal for him to catch the 1:05pm ferry to the Island where he is right now...
an awesome morning spent with my wonderful man! :)

So... the most tragic thing happened. On Wednesday I was in prayer counselling, and it was going soooooooo good! Everything was great! and I thought "hey! I should clean my glasses, just cause their dirty and I have a midterm soon" yep. BAD IDEA! They snapped in half in my hands!!!! SO I had to tape them together for temorary relief from blindness... twenty minutes after and I was writing a midterm in Timothy and Titus class, sooo many people made fun of me :'( **sniff sniff** but its alright... I had fun with it!
The Good news is... I GOT A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES! Which I am super happy about. Cam loves them, my parents appreciate them, and I paied for them.. therefore I Love them. I got a great deal too, which was a blessing. So.. thats my story! Im also getting contacts again tomorrow, so I will be back to contacts and everyonce in a while be wearing these super sexy new glasses!

I GOT TO SEE THE BABIES AGAIN today!!! :D
yippeee...... I had such a blast, I LOVED it. I just hope I dont have to wait as long for the next time I see them... now its time to meet Jen and Michele's husbands, then I can finally say Ive met them all.

I took some photos of my own this time, and Jen is emailing me some more soon but here we go!

Here I am holding Addison again... shes SOOOO sweet! They both are!






This is Jen and Addison!








Another one of Addie, but can you see that her hair is sticking up? Super sweet! :)








Here is Michele and Jaclyn!!










Baby Jaclyn again!! I looove her green sleeper.

yesturday was one of my most exciting days! I FINALLY got to meet Jen and Michele, Cams older sisters, and let me tell you... they are GREAT! I had such a fun time with them, and I am so blessed because they were/are seriously interested in getting to know me, and they were both very excited to meet me as well.
I was giddy all day! :)
Also, I got to meet Addison (Jens daughter) and Jaclyn (Micheles daughter) these kids are BEAUTIFUL! very very VERY cute! Whenever Cam or Kelvin (cams dad) was ready to hand over one I would volunteer!!!! I LOVE babies, and I especially love these two.
I felt so honored to be apart of that family get together, I felt so welcomed and so appreciated.. it was great!
Also... what was sooooo much fun, was that Jen offered to show me Cams baby/kid/teenage photos, so Michele and Jen sat with me on the couch while they pulled out photo after photo of Cam as a kid. HE WAS SOOOO ADORABLE!!!! seriously, even his "geeky" stage was super sweet! :) It made me smile all that much more!
They are coming back this year for Christmas 2007, so I will get to see them again this year! I am excited... the babies are going to be huge compared to now, but then I'll be able to go shopping again for them! yipppeee....
I copied some pics off of Micheles blog thats the link for it, if you wanna see more pics.


I am holding Addison and Cam is holding Jaclyn... awwww, Cam! always the funny faces **heehee** :)

so... you're probably wondering what Cam did for me for Valentines day... huh??
well! He woke up at 7:30 in the morning! which is UNHEARD OF for him. He decided that surprising me just after 8am would throw me off and I would talk to him (remember I wasn't supposed to because of the game).. anyways, he banged on the door for like ten minutes waiting for me to wake up, and then waited for me to get to the door... I finally let him in and the surprise was AWESOME! I LOVE BEING SUPRISED.

He came to me with a huge boquet of carnation flowers, and my FAVORITE Ben and Jerrys icecream.. it was the SWEETEST thing ever!!!





but... I didnt talk, and didnt talk all day to him because of that stupid game. I could have been with him all day, instead, I only was with him for a bit.
next year. I AM NOT PLAYING!

and I DO NOT want to be pressured again to not talk to my boyfriend on what was supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. I am so angry against my entire unit and all my friends for making me do it.. and making me feel horribly guilty for not wanting to. AAAAHHHH... GRRRR....
I just wanted an amazing day with Cam and instead I watched girly movies and made a house out of felt for Nantina. **angry face**

yes... I am bitter! :P

but, Cam... was AMAZING! on that day... I have such a wonderful man! :D

Blessings!

tomorrow is valentines day!
am I excited?? Heck yes I am! WHY?? you ask??... well, you see there is a game at CBC which is called something like "heart day!" or whatever. Pretty much the girls on campus make carboard hearts and decorate them with their names on it... they then are unable to talk to all boys on campus until 6pm, unless they want to give up their heart. the boys with the most hearts in the end (taken from girls, by making them talk) and the girls with the most hearts at the end (who have not talked to boys and get to keep their hearts) wins a pizza party with some other goodies. My unit is DETERMINED! to win, plus my RA wants pizza badly, the food here is horrible some days, well... most days, and we're desperate for some good junk food.
PROBLEM!!!
Cam is DETERMINED! to get my heart... I told him that he Must do something exceptionally extrodinary for me to talk to him... so now Im scared to see what hes going to come up with. NO smile, or childish little gesture is going to make me say anything... it needs to be GOOD!
I'll let you know what happened... and what he tried so hard with... but hes had a grin on his face for the past week, with his sly little comments like "we'll see about you keeping your heart on valentines day!" I know he had to fight for the car for tomorrow too, so there must be something up! hmmmm.... I keep trying to figure it out! maybe mini-golfing??? we ALWAYS go mini-golfing!!
but yes... so tomorrow, Nantina has decided to be my escort for the day, walking with me everywhere so that I do not talk to Cam, then I'll lock myself in one of the Medowoods girls apartments for the day... this way, my unit isnt going to hate me when I break down and talk to Cam...

anyways... fingers crossed that I keep it... I want pizza too! :)
Be BLessed!!!!

so I've been tagged by my friend Heather also known to be Calamity Jane, her blog is great, you should check it out...
so apparently Im supposed to write out

6 Weird Things You May or May Not Have Known About Me (or were afraid to know)
to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what to put down here.

1. I hate sleeping in a house alone... I dunno, just the fact that at anytime someone could break into the house and kill me while Im sleeping and there would be nobody to save me, scares me half to death. I will NOT sleep in any house alone... even my place at school. I had a hard enough time sleeping in the doorm room last year by myself when Holly was gone, and there were 50 other people in the building... but nobody in the immediate room... nobody to come to my resuce when someone might possibly kill me! I know.... Im paranoid!

2. I eat with plastic cutlery... I hate eating with metal spoons, knives and forks. Even when Im at home, I especially hate it at school. I won't eat with a fork if there aren't any plastic ones left... why? I like chewing on it! or just the thought that possibly 499 other people may have sucked on that same fork grosses me out! I dunno... but people ALWAYS look at me strange when I go for the plastic.... I just say "dont ask!" and usually, they still do!

3. I hate the color blue... I like navy blue, its different, its darker and more attractive. but blue... no thanks! even the color of the button I could press to save this blog entry... UGLY!
yet everyone likes to point out that Cams eyes are blue... his eyes, amazing! anything else thats close to lightish, royal like blue... **thumbs down**

4. Im obessed with peppermint, its my favorite! I have peppermint tea, cough candies, lip gloss, gum, tooth paste, candy, icecream, hot chocolate, coffee.... yep! all of it! what can I say? Its good!

5. I love elephants... they're big, yet gentle like, crinkly and yet have a little bit of hair on the tops of their heads. One of my greatest ambitions is to ride an elephant, maybe one of these days! :)

6. last one huh!? ummmmmm........
American Eagle is my favorite clothing store, when Im in a mall.. I CAN NOT go past it without going in, rarely do I buy from there but never the less, I cant pass it without stopping, Cam usually grabs onto my hand and holds it tight when we walk past when we're in the mall, he knows me too well! :)

yep... so there we have it. 6 some-what interesting facts you may or may not know about me! but now you do... so there :P
and now... I will tag....

lauren

Dara

Kortney

Holly

Mr. Jon Poon

and Heather (even though she already did it!)


PS: I got a 80% on that Timothy and Titus paper! which is an A- which is IMPOSSIBLE to do with that professor! Im super happy! :)

so Im done my papers!!! YIPPEEE!!! :D
I was officially done last night at 2:30am... Im exhausted though.. sleep didnt happen until 3:30am.
O well... at least theres... NO HOMEWORK THIS WEEK!!!!
life is good that way! ;)

so at this moment I am researching for my Timothy and Titus paper. I am excited to do this paper, as it is from the text, 1 Timothy 2:8-15. which speaks about how women are supposed to be "quiet" and "submissive" and to not have any authority over a man... its a verse that many people would avoid at all costs. Yet, I, of course, am too curious to just ignore the possibility to do a paper on it... but here is what Ive come to agree with as I've been researching...

"Eve's being made after Adam, and out of him, puts an honor upon that sex, as the glory of man (1 Cor. 11:7). If man is the head, she is the crown... The man was dust refined, but the womam was dust double-refined, one removed further from the earth. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved." Matthew Henry

so my head hurts sooo much right now... I dont understand why, I never get headaches, really I dont! But of course, just as I am to write my huge Timothy and Titus paper that is due on monday, I get a huge headache!!! :'( **sniff sniff**
O well, I have all morning and night tomorrow and then all morning again sunday to finish it.....

I feel lately like Ive been pulled in so many different directions, I have soooo many people asking to have coffee with me, or talk, or hang out...and I love these people, these people are my closest friends, yet my life is so crazy insane and full of things non-stop everyday that I feel as though these demands from other people are the hardest things to fulfill....
I have school work, work, school classes in general, and as much as most people hate hearing me say it, time with Cam is essential for me...
so when others at school, at home, where-ever ask for some of my time, I feel horrible because I have no time to give, hardly any to offer, and then I have next to none for myself...

how can I juggle it all?

If you ask me for coffee and Im unable to do it for a while... please try and understand. I have 5 coffee dates waiting who just live in surrey, more people at school who I love and adore asking for my time as well, my amazing boyfriend who I just want to be with all the time needs to see me too... I go home weekends for work and go to school full time.... BAA!!!!

just so everyone knows who reads this!
YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME! you really are... just please try and understand how much I am trying to make time for you! :)
be paitent with me!

Be Blessed! :)

so I picked up the book "captivating" on friday afternoon, last night I started reading it and today Im having a hard time putting it down, even though there are two research essays I absolutely have to get done soon.

This book has opened up my eyes to a huge reality which I have been struggling with every since Cam and I started dating and has seemingly not gone away.
I long, I THRIVE, no.. I desire with every part of my being to be persued, loved, taken care of, protected, chased after and told that I am beautiful.
I desire to be held when I am sick, to be stared at when I am stunning, to be chased when I am busy, to be kissed when I am vunerable... to be protected when I am scared, to be loved when I am angry, to be entertained when I cant seem to smile, and to be told that I am everything he has ever wanted, that I am the angel he has prayed for and can not seem to understand how I came into his life.
I long, want and was created to be... persued, and beautiful.

I do not think that guys understand this longing that most women have, (some more than others) to be chased after, protected and taken care of.
And when we do not feel this way, when our men do not "get it"... it hurts us to the very core of our being.
Yet, I also think that some men do "get it" but are clueless as to how they are supposed to "measure up" to the expectations that some women have.
I hate that Ive even put up those expectations... those which I have torn down.

TRY!!!!! o my goodness just TRY!
say that you love her, say that she is the best thing thats happened to you since take out sushi! ;)
TELL HER SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
surprise her with a date, surprise her by showing up at her house with flowers, surprise her with Ben N' Jerrys icecream... find her and give her the sweetest hug and kiss just because you couldnt stand being without any longer.

I have truely come to realise how important this is to me... that this is the way that I feel and that its okay because I was created in the likeness of God, I was created to be vunerable, beautiful, and a delight.
Praise God!

PS: TODAY IS CAM's AND I ELEVEN MONTH!!!

woot woot! **doing a little dance :P **
I know... Im a dork, but still... can't a girl be happy!? and proclaim her love for her boyfriend, well, I won't be quite that descriptive other then:

I LOVE YOU CAMERON LYLE STEHR!
**heehee**

so this is the word of the day: HEALING

what did you think I was going to talk about??? hhaha... you're probably thinking, "this again Nicole, you always talk about healing... its like your obsessed" YEP! good observation and I probably am, but this is because its so very real in my life that there is nothing else I ponder really, Other than the revelations of Christ, Of course!

last night at vespers there was a song about healing and it really brought me to start thinking again about what it truely means to be healed and to be walking in healing, what I really have started to appreciate is to see myself as a person of healing grace... as a person being healed by God in the grace of God, to not see my "disease" of negative thought or self destruction, but to see the healing which is taking place every single day! I love this revelation of thought...

... I absolutely LOVE Romans chapter six verses ninteen to twenty three, which reads:

19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[b] Christ Jesus our Lord.

LET YOUR BODY, SOUL AND LIFE BE USED FOR GODS RIGHTEOUSNESS!!!
AMEN!
Be Blessed! ;)

although the pain of realtionships are still very real and still a very repeating process, i have discovered that the joys of realtionships continously overthrow the bad encounters.
things are good... life is wonderful... and the darkness of night has brightened with singing birds and blooming flowers. what has progressed you may ask to make me talk of birds and flowers?
the acknowledgement that i am among the fallen in the world....what i mean is that my thoughtprocesses have caused me more harm than good, on most days. I now have to come to terms that there will always be a fight in the way I think, and that capturing my thoughts is a practice i need in every way to learn..
the enemy has made expert attempts in making one feel rotten and distorting their mind to think of themselves as nothing other than the fallen being they are.
ive got news!
I AM WORTHY! and so are you!
yesturday morning i walked into my prayer counsellors office... (you may gasp at the notion that one like me would ever dream of going to prayer counselling, not that "one like me" is even meant to sound like i am near better than anyone else, i am not, which is my point)But if you read in my previous posts you will discover that God has done things in my life that no other could possibly do... healing has been my "foundation word" among others as the theme of my past six months... but what i am really trying to get at is that the thought proccess which i was indugling in was nowhere near healthy... and nothing like what God has been trying to whisper in my ear
so what are the whispers that resound after chasing away the lies????
that I AM LOVABLE!
I AM BEAUTIFUL... and I AM A CHILD OF GOD!
this I know with more than anything now... is TRUTH! Praise God!
when lies seem to be the foundation of your thoughts, serious consequences become what you start to live out... which seep into the everyday of life, relationships and all.
i no longer long to "fix" no longer long to "control" no longer feel the threat of unworthyness and unlove... i recongize now that i am truely a fallen human soul, and so is my scooby of a man, But... I am also saved by the grace of God...
i can not... i REFUSE to allow myself to beleive that all my worth depends and is laid within the boundries of my previous "happily ever after" mentality, which is of itself a falseness, an obvious lie!
To lay the monster burden of dependance and completeness on the man I love is false as well, that is a shoe that only God can fill...
I am WORTHY enough and worth enough to change myself, for myself but most importantly for God and in the basis of God changing me for him... not solely for another human, even if that human is the one which happens to be the love of my life...

PRAISE GOD! another wall has fallen, may it never be built again.

Be Blessed! :)

as i sit here...
there are so many things going through my head.. about life, love, relationships, people. i guess i dont understand sometimes why emotional pain can come so easy and yet be so complicated to understand, or express. there is so much flooding my mind in regards to one of the most important relationships in my life... so many questions unanswered, so many misunderstandings and things i dont believe i will ever understand about him... there is pain, sorrow, deep burdens that seem to never lift themselves off of me. im not entirely sure what im getting at.. or if what i say here has any reason to be said, i dont know what will result from a nights conversation, or if the "dream" of happily ever after will ever really be "happily", i wish that it can and in a lot of ways i believe and trust in the promise that it may and it could. but who would have ever thought that love could be this painful and this complicated?? i thought that you love, and then thats it... life makes sence, yet when in fact it seems that you love and life gets more complicated, the mirrior is infront of you and you dont wish to take a look at yourself... isnt that apart of it all? taking a look at yourself? loving another with the expectation and assumption of personal change? i believe so... in lots of ways i want to change to benefit another, in regards to less emotional trama, less selfishness, less anger, less "blowing up" and less want for myself... isnt that what love and marriage are all about? giving to another your complete self... desiring to better yourself for the sake of the other? i dont know anymore, things seem so complicated when it seems like they could be so simple... love is so hard when it should be so easy... i dont expect answers tonight... i dont really expect anything but a hug and a few tears... i guess i mostly expect another painful episode and another cuddle session with my Columbia girls, nothing has changed so far, so why could i expect a change now? yet the Godly voice still resounds in my ear "stay... I promise..." so that i will do... i still love, i still love very much, i just wish it could be easier.

ps. my eye... sooo much better! Praise God! Because i wouldnt of been able to handle an infection with school going full swing

so here I am... back at Columbia. I am sooo happy that I am back.
I mean I love my family and all, they are great! But I was just wanting to get out and be on my own again. Yippeee... for being here and finally getting back into the swing of things with classes and all, but thank goodness that doesnt start up until wednesday!!!!

news on my eye you ask?
still taking antibiotics for it... its been doing alright, until this morning where it hurts really badly again! :S BAAAAA!!!!
but everything should be well again soon. **fingers crossed**
at least my eye doesnt still look swelled, although Im still not allowed to wear eye makeup. O Well!

Be Blessed! :)

I am officially a gimp, why you might ask? Look at this picture, I didnt post it just because I like taking pictures of myself for fun, but because look at my right eye compared to my left eye. Doesnt it look like Im squinting or that my right eye is just shut a little bit too much? No my eyes are not naturally that way, it just decided to do that on wednesday morning and hasnt gone away! My eye is swelling, and it HURTS, not just a slight itch... it HURTS! It has a sharping, horrible pain whenever I close my eye, squint or slightly touch the surrounding area. I even went to the clinic yesturday where the nice doctor guy said "well, I dont know why your eye is swelled like that, I do not see anything... so here are some anti-bacterial drops just in case!" Thanks kind doctor, I really appreciate that you told me you have no idea after I waited a hour and a half to see you! :P O well, I got the drops, they make my eye sting and nothing has changed but I hope things do... I dont want to drive right now in fear that my eye will all the sudden blur on me, that'd be scary! But this isnt the best part, Ive been biten by my adorable ten pound dog, smashed my finger at work where it completely turned blue and was horrible to bend to having my eye swell up on me and make me cry, which made me cry even more because the crying hurt so much I cried.... yep! All in a week..wow, isnt that sad?
Cam asked me to not do anything else that would cause me physical harm for the rest of this week, ive pretty much covered the basics, feet, hands and eyes.
Pray for me that I dont accidently do something else which would be more horrible I think I might cry again, which I know would HURT! :'(, O the pain of it all!

Be Blessed! :)

Lauren and I spent thursday morning/afternoon together. We went to Tim Hortons because she hadn't been there yet! Our conversation was great.. relaxed and on-going. Its like she never left... Like shes been here the whole time. Im so excited to see her again tomorrow and then shes back for a while in May! Yipppeee....
Lauren! I know you read this:
thanks so much for being such a wonderful, fun, bright, encouraging and inspiring woman of God. I am so glad and excited that we have kept friends for so long and continue to even though we are miles apart.
You are FAB ;)

there are many times when I take a step back and evaluate my life. where i am at, and what i am doing. who i am and the things i want to change to better help myself, the things i want to do to create more confidence, more love and display Christ's love a bit more within me.
i do not know why things happen in life. i do not know why i have gone through so much in the past year of 2006. i honestly can not even come to understand that the year is almost gone. already, 12 months of hardship, pain and tears. there has been a lot of crying in these past 12 months, a lot of evaluating, a lot of praying, a lot of depending on God. these things are good, depending on a heavenly father is always a good, yet terribly hard thing to do. but there have also been many blessings this past year. many smiles, many tears of joy! and i imagine that both these things... the good and the bad will present themselves over again in 2007.
i have no idea... no idea at all what this next year will bring.
at least in my last days of 2005, God gave me some idea of what i may find in 2006. but this time... nothing. not even a little hint.
its all up in the air, and it will all fall where God decides to put it.
this i am confident is an alright thing to do. this I am confident, is a wonderful thing to believe in, that God has my life, and espeically 2007 all sorted out already, i just need to hand it over, relax, and enjoy the ride... enjoy my life.

I have been praying over and over again for confirmation in how to take care of myself, how to love myself, how to make sure that the bondage of sickness doesnt take hold of me again.
I can not stand the thought of going through 2007 sick.... Ive done it for too many years already. NO MORE!
no more sickness, I no longer allow its control.
i finally am taking a stand against it.
i finally want to take hold of what i am worth in the eyes of God and stand up for it. health wise, and in other ways as well...
I deserve health, and God deserves for me to take care of myself,
SO! I am asking how...and God is being incredibly faithful. I am soooo excited for what 2007 will bring in regards to me finally stepping up to my responsibility to myself.
yippppeeee......

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
Blessings :)