the title of my blog seems so interesting to me... "simply driven by Christ" .... I wish that the word "simple" was actually close to reality, yet there never seems to be anything simple with being driven by Jesus Christ. Now I am even struggling with the question, Am I even being driven by Christ at all never mind the simple part?

Its not that Im questioning whether or not God loves me... I have a huge big book that declares he does. And when I pray I can be comforted in knowing that he is truly there. Its not that there is his audible voice declaring "Nicole I am here I love you" its more a feeling that I can not describe, yet a feeling I know very very well. For its been comforting me ever since I can remember, ever since God became the true reality of my life.

Someone recently told me that all she wants to do is serve God, is obey God. I caught myself wondering what that means in my own life. I caught myself asking "Am I doing that?" And then with a true answer spoke out "no, I am not" A terrible flow of emotion followed and now the overwhelming sence of failure has overcome me. I guess I feel as though God is not in need of me... why would he be? What could I do anyways for his kingdom? Yet I hear every part of me, every part of who I am declare within me with such a strong knowledge that those words are not true. Those lies pierce me, yet I know that they have no truth to my life. So how can I get rid of them? How can I get back to the life I know to be truly fulfilling and completely mine... centered around Jesus Christ.
The true love of my life.

I am NOT the true love of my life.

wow... what a reality.... what a conviction, what I deep need to realise.

surrender.... its almost the only word that comes to mind... so please excuse me now, as I learn once again to surrender my all, my life... to Jesus Christ.