What if Bubba really is a boy? And the first child I have isn't a girl. What if I never have a girl? Even after the three children we're planning to have (God willing of course). What if I never get to experience the close mother-daughter relationship I have with my mom but with a daughter of my own? What if my future is filled with toy cars, dirt, robots, wrestling and endless sport activities?
I'm just going to be real here with you for a second. I want a daughter, plain and simple. That doesn't mean that I want ALL my children to be girls but it does mean I pray someday for a girl. But you know what else? I want a son too. I yearn for the day my little boy looks up at me with the big blue eyes he got from his daddy. My heart aches for moments of cuddling my little guy to sleep and dressing him up in cute ties and suspenders.
So what am I getting at here? Well, I hope my future has nothing but healthy children in store. But if I am able to have any say in the genders I am blessed with, I would ask for at least one of both. I'm just being honest.
Why you may ask? Because I am so desperately scared of missing out on something. If Bubba is a boy then I'm terrified of having only boys in my future. What if I never have a daughter? If Bubba is a girl, then by golly will I only have girls? I don't know if I can handle three or four mini Nicole's.
Will my life be any less fulfilled if I only have girls or only boys? Absolutely not! I just continue to remind myself of this truth and ignore the fear and the lies my mind gets overwhelmed with. I'm having a child, a beautiful, precious, little one that I'll love more than life. It does not make a difference if that child is a girl or boy. It does not change the way I feel about my baby.
I'm just being honest here, was/is anyone else feeling the same way?
Blessings,
N.
2 comments:
It's funny because before Aksel was born I was feeling some of these feelings. I thought it was a girl I wanted... But the second Aksel arrived I could never ever have pictured having anyone other than Aksel. Now...if I'm blessed with more children... I am totally okay with all boys because I know how crazy wonderful a boy is and perhaps the frugal person that I am enjoys knowing I won't need to buy anything new. :) blessings nicole & bubba.
I am with you on (not so) secretly wanting a girl..when Kate was born, Aaron checked to see the gender. When he said, "it's a girl!" I literally put my hands up and said, "YESSS!!!!" Oh, the cute clothes, pig tails, ganging up on Daddy..there is nothing better! I couldn't ever imagine having anything other than all girls...then again, I couldn't picture myself having kids more than 2 years apart either! God has a plan for everything, and once I realized that and was able to give up control, I was at ease. Now that we are 7 (or fewer!) weeks away from delivering our first boy, I am so excited to see what God has planned for our family. Hope that helps!
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