On the day I turned 41 weeks I had to go in for A LOT of appointments. Turns out that when you're apart of the CBP (community birth program) they let you go later in your pregnancy to try and labor naturally but only if you're a-ok! So after fetal monitoring, a visit with my doc involving my 4th internal exam, an ultrasound & some blood work I was free to go home.... and wait for labor or induction.
I'm quite thankful for the nurse we got at our fetal monitoring appointment. She was fabulous and went over the entire induction process that I would be experiencing if I made it to Friday (obviously I have). She made it sound far less terrifying than I expected it to be, she took her time answering all my questions and really made me feel like it was all going to be ok. So today as I await the call for my induction time I'm really not all that worried, disappointed in the fact that I need the boost, but not terrified anymore. I've been experiencing early labor since 7 am Thursday morning so a boost to get things going faster is actually welcomed and what I believe I need.
But Thursday sure was a test of my emotional and physical endurance. I am incredibly grateful that Kortney set us up with our new doula Heidi who I actually know from my Bethany Baptist days. Heidi is AWESOME! She's been such an answer to prayer. Around 7 am yesterday I woke up to contractions that hurt! I was SO happy but didn't say anything until I was sure they weren't going away so I paced the house for a solid hour and they stayed! We then walked basically all day trying to encourage them to be closer together and stronger but we lost that fight and around 7 pm they faded away and I was left emotionally and physically exhausted! I even had a moment of complete emotional breakdown in my driveway, crying harder than I have in a long time. Why hasn't this happened yet? What am I doing wrong? I don't know how to do this... I just want to hold my baby. Those were some of the hard emotional moments, it's true when they say its a labor of love.
Today my hope and prayer is that I'm encouraged through the pain knowing that this time there is an end in sight rather than another long day of longing. I WILL get to hold my child soon, I WILL be giving birth within the next 24-48 hours, I CAN & WILL succeed. What a journey this has been!
Lots of love, N.
I once again just needed to say THANK-YOU!!!!! For the on going amount of love that both Cam & I have been receiving from you! At times I'm overwhelmed to tears at how much love is pouring in from everywhere, all the messages & texts. We are so blessed! Beyond blessed so THANK-YOU!!! Bubba already has more love poured out on him/her than I ever expected, I can't wait to raise my child with this much support! :)
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