Lord give me strength to parent my baby boy through the moments when tears swell up in my own eyes cause I can't take the screaming anymore.
I want to put him in his crib and walk away and yet I'm not sure that's the answer. Don't worry, I'm nowhere near the point of injuring him. Quite frankly I can't walk away from him and his crying because to me that's injuring him in the most emotional way possible. He's going through something. The world is suddenly really big again and he can't cope and so he cries and cries and cries and I cry along with him. If God was going to test my patience and teach me something about myself, life and love, he's definitely done that in giving me my son.
So in my moment of weakness and lack of sleep I asked for advice on Facebook yesterday on moving Edison to his crib for naps. My friend messaged me and reminded me that I had blogged prior about being okay with Edison's sleep routine and that I didn't have to change anything if I didn't want to. So I pulled myself together and once again realized things are still perfect the way they are. My son needs comfort and finds that comfort at my breast. No soother, bottle, thumb or other comfort toy can give him what he's found when he's latched to me. So... I have to decide to either strip him of my breast to get my body back more often or keep going as it is.
This will not last forever and the bond we are developing is one that will last our entire lives. My son is sensitive like me, needy like I was and even though my body feels exhausted from the lack of sleep and the crying, I'm still going to choose to be there for him, always.
So if I've been canceling plans with you, I'm sorry. If I've been meaning to get back to you and haven't, I'm sorry. Or if I'm simply not all there when you do get a piece of me, I'm sorry. Because right now I belong to Edison first and I'm thinking that's the way it should continue to be.
It won't last forever, it's just a season and we've already begun slowly introducing his bed for nap times. Like when he finally accepted his car seat and sleeping in it on his own time. He will accept and sleep in his bed for naps in his own time too. Just lots of patience and love.
For out of true dependence will come true independence (a quote I frequently come back to).
N.
2 comments:
There will be small signs too, that indicate he might be close to getting ready to nap on his own.
For mine, it happened probably around 7 months... I noticed that he was sleeping without my support for up to an hour *most* of the time. And he began to rarely wake after a cat nap.
He can nap for up to two hours unassisted now, though that's still long for him. And when I'm not around, he adapted! It took him about 2 weeks to adapt to me (or daddy!) not being around, but it happened. And he's happy :)
This too shall pass. Don't push yourself to make too many plans. For myself, one get together a week was good enough. Other times, I allowed A LOT of flexibility so that I could go out by mylsef (and my boy) if it worked that day (e.g. I wasn't too tired, baby wasn't too fussy, etc.)
My boy is almost 1. It goes too, too fast. Even as I am still experiencing sleep deprivation, I think to myself: I can't believe he won't want to snuggle with me on a daily basis in a year. Or less! nooooo....! :)
http://noobmommy.com/2008/11/to-ferberize-or-not-to-ferberize.html
hope this helps. worked for me after being very anti-CIO.
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