I can't even believe that I've waited this long but it became clearly obvious to me last week that Edison was desperately needing a change. I thought I was doing my boy good by "going with the flow" and "observing his needs." And I'm sure at the beginning that was what he needed, but clearly my boy has been calling out for structure and I wasn't getting the memo.
The beginning of this "leap" of development that washed over my boy last week was brutal. All the sudden he stopped sleeping three or sometimes four hour chunks and instead went back to his one to two hour sleeps. When I read the information on the wonder weeks app about this phase it clearly stated that parents are usually exhausted by the end of it. Well, no shit if all I'm getting is a few hours of sleep at night! Couple that up with Edi being in our room right next to our bed and my husband moving around like a freight train in his sleep and you've got one hell of a horrible combination.
My baby was miserable and went back to crying all day long everyday. I was a zombie and ended up breaking down in tears myself one evening after Cam came home (lucky guy). I decided that night that something HAD to change but my mommy guilt sirens were screaming at me. So I messaged my good friend and she basically told me in the most loving way possible that I'm the one that needs to make the decisions for my son and I need to own those decisions with confidence. It doesn't matter what someone else thinks.
So... I changed it up! All at once, no turning back! And yesterday was AMAZING! My baby boy slept four incredible naps (still in my arms but we're working on that next) and I put him in his crib for night last night and I owned that decision.
I of course went in when he cried for his night feeds because my belief in the cry it out method still applies. BUT I slept SO MUCH BETTER! Even though Edison still only did his two hour sleeps all night, I feel much more rested today, much more relaxed knowing we finally know what's coming in the day and night. My boy is safe in his crib, he's warm and happy and our room is so close that I still feel like he's right there next to me.
I don't regret the way I've been mothering him so far. I don't regret the five months he was sleeping in our room or our occasional nights bed sharing. I'm almost sad to know those days are gone because it means he's growing up. But that's just it, he's growing up and his needs are changing and I'd be a bad mother to not change things when he needs them changed. I never wanted to be one of those moms who does everything for their kids and labels them incapable of doing things they obviously are ready to try. This was one of those moments for me. I knew I needed to let go of my anxieties and worries and allow my son the ability to try a routine and try his crib for night. I'm so very glad I did.
So now I'll just try and stay home for a little while to get our routine fine tuned. I'm excited for what Edison will show me next and eager for this leap to end so I can hopefully get some sleep again.
N.
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