Sickly

I promised Cam that this year 2012, I would try hard not to complain as much. I had NO idea that I had come to be such a frequent complainer. Which is definitely NOT ok.

Currently however, I am STILL sick for now my fourth week and I'm done with it. Going through box after box of tissues is just a pain and I'm exhausted from constant coughing!

Tonight I even stubbed my toe so hard (I have tremendously bad luck with that) that I started crying hysterically. Cam took pictures of my little melt down but I'm not posting them!

Please body, I beg you, get better soon.

N.

End of complaints. Good night!

New years (a little late)

I realize that this post is a little late, but I figured that was ok. My New Years eve was actually quite different this year (like everything else about Xmas 2011). We went to my bestie's house, her boyfriend was there and my brother came along. It was a lot of fun! We played games, ate a good meal and counted down to midnight. Good times were had by all.

I've been thinking a lot lately about this new year 2012 and the plans that Cam and I have for the year. I don't really do resolutions, I have goals for myself but that's about it.

Here are a few of our plans/goals to share for 2012:
* Continue to work on making this new home feel like home. Paint the bedrooms and bathroom, get area rugs, shelving, pictures framed, a shelving unit for the living space, finish the mini projects in the kitchen, get the curtains up.
* Pay off Sadie (our car) while saving up for a down payment for a future home. Go and speak to the bank about mortgages and what we need to do to get what we want.
* The talk of pregnancy and having a baby is becoming a very frequent conversation for us. Maybe there will be a baby to join our family this year? I won't give more details on this until a test says (+).
* Stay at home and don't go traveling anywhere outside BC. Take a few camping trips this year close by.
* Send Cam to school in the coming fall to start on his horticultural degree for his landscaping career.

A few plans/goals I have for myself to share for 2012:
* Get healthy! Kick sugar from my diet, start exercising. I'm not interested in going on a diet I just want to get healthy and strive to eat healthier.
* Finish all the classes I need to complete by the end of this year so all I'll have left to complete in 2013 will be practicums and observation papers! Then I'll have my full ECE license.
* Start spending more time in prayer and with my bible. Start trying to listen to what God is saying and to not be afraid of the change that He may be making in my life.
* Make my treatment at Vancouver General Hospital a top priority. Do exactly what they say, and believe that I can achieve healing through the program.

I think that's about it! I'm really proud of Cam and I. The year 2011 was fantastic, it was really busy but we had some great changes happen. We moved into a bigger space paying less rent, I went to school and got a great full time job in my career choice. Cam decided to make landscaping his career choice over youth work. We bought a car, we did a lot in our home to make it ours. We travelled to Vegas, Harrison Hot Springs and Winnipeg. Wow! What a year.

Thanks for reading and we wish you a really great New Year 2012!

Blessings, N.

Train stopped me on my way home from work!

More Xmas fun

This is my niece Jackie, she consistently climbed into my lap while we were there in Winnipeg for Christmas. I got a lotta love, hugs, kisses and joy from being with her! What a great Christmas break! :)



When we got back home from Winnipeg, we got to have Christmas with my side of the family!!! A true Kroeker family Christmas, with presents and fantastic food! The best Christmas day on December 29th that we've ever had!! I got these (below) from my little brother, SO comfy!



I hope everyone's celebrations were fantastic this season. I know we had 2 solid weeks of fun fun fun! Although I'm sad (and a bit nervous) to get back into the routine of full time work... I'm thrilled to get back into the swing of things and "real life". Plus, before I know it I'll have another 2 weeks off in march for spring break AND I don't have night classes this semester. Yippee!

Blessings, N.

Christmas eve winnipeg emergency experience

Never did I think that I'd spend any amount of time in emergency on a Christmas eve but I did the other day. Don't worry, it wasn't an emergency but all the clinics around here were full and my cough turned on me. My lungs started hurting/aching the night of December 23rd and I was puking up stuff and hacking out green thick stuff so I figured a check up was required. I got to emergency, was registered and in minutes called up for blood work, brought to the back of the hospital, given a gown, a bed and told to pee in a cup. I was honestly horrified! We (cam & I) waited for what felt like a lifetime (while listening to a poor man talk about his recent stroke adjacent to where we were) then the doc came in. She looked at me and kinda chuckled, said that the urine test and blood test were unnecessary (really? Great!). She listened to my lungs and concluded that I have bronchitis, gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. What an unforgettable Winnipeg Christmas eve!!! Now I just need to wait for this cough to take its course, I could have it for up to a month more... depending if it's viral or bacterial. This is what happens when you work with eighty children who cough on you! At least they are lovable, cute and incredibly fun to teach. Or else I may be a bit bitter about the Christmas sickness. The Christmas gifts I got from them help me through the coughing too! :)

One more week then it's back to work!!
Blessings, N.

Location:Winnipeg,Canada

Merry Christmas everyone!

What a beautiful time of year! Merry Christmas from Winnipeg! We will be back home on the 28th to celebrate with my side of the family.


What a beautiful bunch of children, love them to bits.


Our puppy niece juno, what a sweetie!

Happy holidays to family and friends we love!
N.

Location:Des Meurons Rue,Winnipeg,Canada

Stockings are ready!

I had a vision a couple years ago (our 1st xmas) concerning how I could personalize our stockings for Christmas. This year since there would be many stocking gifts and we had no way to distinguish whose stocking was whose. I took the time to make them our own. Cam requested the snowman, so I tried to make him as cute as possible! And I made myself the xmas tree, I'm going to eventually get beads for it, just not this year. I love how they turned out! I'm very very happy! Who knew I could be that creative with some left over felt and thread???








Now we are ready for christmas, officially!!!

We are off to Winnipeg at 6am in the morning tomorrow! Pray that we get there safely please.

Christmas Blessings,
N.

Life is hard these days!

What a beautiful place to be for our anniversary!

N.

Location:Harrison Hot Springs,Canada

Anniversary get away!

So we are off!!! And taking full advantage of our time off (for xmas) to get away for our 3rd anniversary to Harrison hot springs for 2 nights. We have dinner planned tonight at a very nice German restaurant, then it's dinner tomorrow at the Copper room in our hotel. With lots of hot tubbing in between. It's going to help this very nasty cold I've had since Friday.

I'm so excited to get away with my hubby... Just us, no other family but our own! It's going to be so nice!

N.

Location:Harrison Hot Springs,Canada

Merry & joyful :)

I'm enjoying the Christmas tree, a glass of red wine, a great new recipe for dinner and the company of my husband. I really LOVE my life, I truly haven't been this happy in a while. It's like everything I've ever wanted in life has been granted (just need a baby and it would be perfect!).

Only 9 more days and I'll be celebrating the holiday with my Stehr in-law family in Winnipeg. I can't wait :)


Our pretty tree...

N.

What a weekend!

Today was a good day! Actually this whole weekend was great, but let's start with what I did today!!

A very good friend of mine is preggo and due middle of January (16th to be exact) so we threw her a baby shower! And it was a lot of fun!! We played the "don't say baby, baby" game, the "name the poop" game and "how many sour soothers?" game. We decorated, ate lots and lots of food and had many laughs! She also got tons of gifts. I hope you had a great time Alissa Dueck, we love ya!

Saturday was just as fun! The company that Cam works for had their Christmas party and it was a blast! We went to a pub, in a limo! We even got some great gifts, thank you to Sue aka. Boss lady.


Pretty tree outside the pub on Saturday night, it was HUGE!!

I'm SO excited for our Winnipeg Christmas this year. It's going to be so much fun, T-minus 11 days until we leave for the Stehr family Christmas and 7 days until our 2nd honeymoon to Harrison hot springs! And only 1 more week of work full of Christmas activities and performances it's going to be crazy fun.

Lots to look forward to :)
N.

What Saturdays are all about

N.

A sweet note!

A great end to a rough day that involved a boy having potty trouble which resulted in a puddle of pee and my foot.


At least I got quite a few hugs!

N.

Snow

Well... The first dump of the white stuff for the season and I needed to head off to my night class. Good thing there is a snow policy and I got to leave early. Sadie our new car passed the snow test (such a relief). I'm so thankful we got her, she's SO much safer than Bernie (our previous vehicle). Now let's hope it melts over night so I can get to work in the morning.


N.

I want this painting, SO badly. I love elephants and would proudly hang this in my living room. Maybe one of these days I can convince my church to sell it to me.


N.

Feeling good!

So since I've begun eating healthfully and tracking my food intake, I've lost weight!!! 6 pounds in one month!!! I'd say that's victorious :) I bought a cute sweater today to celebrate. I got more to go but I'm off to a great start.

Next step is adding exercise, my new goal is to start waking up at 6am to spend time in the gym and meditate before my day starts.

I'll let you know if the early to rise is a success. I keep telling myself that I will probably not get to the point right away where I want to get up and go on the bike. But that I should do it anyways because I love and respect myself. Which means taking care of myself! And buying myself gifts (like my cute sweater) when I succeed!!!

Happy long weekend :)
N.

My ECE heart

lately I've been thinking a lot about my job. You see, in my Foundations of ECE class I've been assigned the task of writing my own philosophy of ECE paper. This paper includes my beliefs and values in what it takes to be a quality ECEducator. I need to write about what my opinion of quality care is, what the environment and curriculum in a centre should look like and many other aspects of the field.

It's got me thinking. What do I really believe is important? What are my beliefs in regards to child care and early learning? Why have I pursued this role and what does my future in this field look like?

Well... What I know I believe from the depths of my heart is that children, all children, deserve quality education, care and access to a variety of different experiences. Children should be allowed to get dirty outside (and inside) and finger paint to their hearts content. I strongly believe that children should be able to be as creative and free in creativity as much as possible. There is a time and a place for product art, but if they want to scribble out of the lines and draw a sun brown, let them! They are experiencing and learning. I also firmly believe in risk taking for children and allowing them to try things in a safe environment. As well as, encouraging children to do things by them self, or at least try.

I know my future in this field will be only success and hard work. I plan on working for W&T for as long as possible. I know I'll get my diploma and I know I'll move up into a supervisor role. Maybe convince W&T to open up an infant toddler centre in the future?? Who knows, it's Gods plan. He put me here, I have no doubt that I was meant for this. I finally have passion for my job, there is purpose in what I do. I get hugs and smiles everyday!!!

But, I'm still thinking and eventually that paper will get written... Maybe you'll see more Posts like this until that day :)

N.

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happy HALLOWEEN!!!!

happy Halloween!!! I'm a kitty cat, what are you dressed up as today??


Tonight will be a nice relaxing night of handing out candy at home! At work, my fours dressed up and there was a fantastic variety of super heroes, princesses and animals. My threes dressed up last week too and although party day is a very stressful time for us teachers, it was truly a lot of fun!!! Especially with costumes.

Have a safe Halloween!!! I'm sure I'll be seeing more super men, Cinderella's, monkeys and dragons tonight, starting in about 20 minutes :)

N.

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birds

Feeding the birds is always so much fun for us! They come and land right on your hand, it's so incredible. What a reminder that the world we live in is truly amazing.



N.

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Oh food...

I've got so much going on lately that it feels overwhelming some days. Lately I've just had crazy cravings, I'll get off work and come home and all I want is a hamburger, or chocolate bar. I've discovered a lot about myself in terms of my eating by just being more aware of what I'm doing.

This is what I've discovered:
1. I don't eat enough, and then I get crazy hungry and eat everything I can get my hands on. This then brings me to over eat, on an empty stomach.
2. I never plan anything, this then results with us not having food in the house and then we eat out. If I saved receipts from all our restaurant visits in any given month I'd probably be disgusted by the number.
3. I'm an emotional eater, if I'm sad or had a really hard day at work then I want to come home and eat something. And not something good for me. If I'm happy or something great happens then I want to go celebrate, with good food of course.

Yesterday as I was driving to school, I realized that I need to do things that I may not want to do at the moment because I care for and respect myself, my body, my life and my future.

This means that I need to:
1. meal plan
2. exercise which means waking up earlier in the morning
3. kick sugar and junk food out
4. keep track of what I'm eating in a food journal or my phone app
5. drink waaay more water

There are probably more things I could do, I already stopped drinking caffeine. Anyone have any other ideas?

I'm glad I'm finally respecting myself enough to make changes, even when those hamburger cravings are overwhelming. Like tonight I had spaghetti with veggie sauce, whole wheat noodles and a pear for dessert! Even though all I wanted was fries :)

Off to college now, got a presentation today.

N.


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Happy Thanksgiving

This weekend is our Thanksgiving holiday, I'm so happy for this break it's so great to have good food and spend time with family.

I've been thinking about what I'm thankful for and the list is long. Here are a few:
- my husband who loves me unconditionally
- my immediate family, and in-law family who I adore
- my nieces and nephew and the one Jessica has on the way
- my friends who I love and I am always thrilled to see
- my fantastic job and co-teacher, my regional manager and all the staff at W&T, also all the adorable kiddies
- my health and the opportunity I have on Tuesday at VGH, my gynecologist and the fact that she's made it possible for me to be functional without crazy Endo pain :)
- school and that I found something I love love love to study (psychology) and a career path I'm good at and passionate for

Yah, that's all the obvious stuff. I am also very thankful for coffee, chocolate, my new cute car, flip flops, sweatpants and sweaters, contact lenses, and my ability to be super creative! Oh, and flowers which reminds me


One of my three year olds handed me these gorgeous flowers and with a big hug said "happy thanksgiving teacher Nicole". It made my Thursday all that much better :)

There's just SO much to be thankful for

N.

Also... HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANTINA! love you lots friend, you're my sister in so many wonderful ways, my bestie, have a super day, cheers!! Xoxo


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Wednesday ramblings

So I'm still sickly, not nearly 100%. I suffered from a headache all day yesterday, and still woke up with a stuffed nose and a cough with phlegm this morning. I'm sure this will eventually go away, but I'm done with it already. I want my normal back.

Tonight is my first night class, I'm not looking forward to it. Other than the fact that I get to see my friend Jen. It just doesn't feel like I'm back in school. I wish I had this degree complete before I started work. But I just couldn't pass up the chance to work at W&T. I'll get the degree, eventually.

I'm so excited for thanksgiving this weekend. I get three family meals and I'm overly excited to consume some great food and see all my family. It's going to be good times. I also have a very important assessment appointment at the hospital on Tuesday. I am SO nervous for it, but that's another post.

Time for dinner! I'm thinking a sandwich would be delicious :)

Blessings, N.


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Sick!

So its official (it's actually been official for a while) but I'm sick! Like really sick, like it started as a headache and slowly moved it's way down my body to my lungs of fire kinda sick. My head aches, my eyes ache, my nose is plugged, my ears are plugged and my throat feels like fire. It's like I'm a dragon, radiating heat with every breath. Delightful right?

I didn't call sick into work once this week. I probably should have and my co-worker keeps telling me how much she feels sorry for me (thanks!). My ECE friends in the summer kept saying... "you'll get sick in September, just you wait!" it's like they cursed me. No, they just knew the in's and out's of preschool life. 20 snotty nosed kids in one class times four, it was bound to happen.

In other news, I've got a 7 hr college class tomorrow and I can't skip it. I'm sure my classmates will appreciate my coughing! And my phlegm :)

Happy Friday!
N.


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Sickly & busy...

Went to a wedding yesterday, it was beautiful and I know the extended family quite well so the after wedding party was lots of fun. Cam and I got home at 2am.

Then this morning... Not fun!
- woke up with a cold, stuffed nose, headache and watery eyes

This week...
- coffee date with best friend
- start of night classes (college) and therefore homework
- desperately need to clean house
- desperately need to pre-make dinners and freeze them
- anticipate my cold getting worse
- party day for threes and fours at end of week

Hard week ahead! But I'm sure nothing that a little blueberry tea and a bubble bath won't fix :)

N.

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Hubby loves me!

Hubby came home yesterday with these gorgeous flowers! It was so sweet of him. I absolutely love it when he surprises me like that.


See, pretty right?

N.

Lunch break...

Monday morning thoughts!

There are going to be some mornings like today where I do not want to get out of bed. I think that's perfectly normal, especially if one is just starting out in their career choice and feels inadequate. I know that I'm doing well, I know because my supervisor/fellow teacher had said this numerous times already. And W&T doesn't expect their assistants to be the all around experienced teacher until their 5th anniversary in the company.

So for crying out loud breathe Colie! Finish your delightfully delicious cup of coffee and enjoy your day today. And at the very least remember, at 4pm you get to see Alissa anyways :)

Happy Monday!
N.

Nothing could compare...

My first full week as an official ECEducator was hectic, exhausting, and crazy, with lots of random happenings including a bee sting, nose bleed and a child accidentally stabbing her self with scissors as she fell off her chair. YIKES!

Yet, when I was talking to a gorgeous blonde, blue eyed four year old girl yesterday I thought to myself "if I wasn't here, I'd be home doing nothing that compares in significance to this job." What else would I do with my time if I wasn't at work? Probably a whole lot of nothing. Therefore, no matter how hard, exhausting, or down right crazy this job gets. Spending my life and time doing ECE is exactly what I should do. Nothing else can compare.

I want babies again! Haha, after a long talk with Camy yesterday we both came to the conclusion that at the end of our lives if we didn't have children then we'd regret it. It's worth the chaos, and it will be the greatest thing we could do with our time, love, money and energy. I just made it abundantly clear that if we are having 3 or 4 then I want at least a three year gap between #2 & #3! I don't want three or four under five years old! No way!

My health mindset has begun to change. I just want to eat healthy and stop obsessing over loosing X amount of weight in X amount of time. I just want to treat my body with respect and focus on the creator of my life. I want to focus on God and the cross. That's most important to me, and therefore, it's where my focus should lie.

Other than running some errands today, this weekend will consist of yoga pants, hopefully some wine, this book (AMAZING! by the way), and a nice long bubble bath. I love having my weekends back and the feeling of fall in the air is making me a very happy girl :)


Happy Saturday :)

Blessings, N.

I came home from work today and realized "holy crap, kids are hard work!" and I don't mean just to teach. I had this moment of clarity where I looked at my life and understood that if I have a kid then this peace and quiet I come home to will never be again. My life would forever change and I would have a soul to take care of all the time. I would be the one at home saying "walking feet" and other type of ECE positive terms/language constantly.

Yah, um.... That freaks me out!

I said to cam, "I dunno if I want kids now." he was stunned. I don't blame him, I've been pestering him for years to get me pregnant. Yikes!

In other news: I'm getting so damn frustrated, depressed and hopeless in the health department of my life. I feel like there will never be a day when I will over come this.

What a hard day it's been today

N.

I love my job!

I'm exhausted, we are doing gradual entry for the three year old classes and that means the same 1 hour class times 4! There are twenty children in each class and so we split them in half and do 10 for the first hour and the other 10 for the second hour, we then get a hour break and do it again for the afternoon. This was the second day of our gradual entry, Thursday is the full 20 for 2 hours!!!! I'm sure I'm going to need a nice hot bubble bath Thursday night with a very easy dinner and an early bed time.

But quite honestly, I LOVE it! I do not feel like it's a job. I actually feel like I'm doing something that means something. Not just serving grease like I did at mcdonalds or putting up signs and counting tills like I did at IGA. I'm educating and investing in the lives of children. I get big hugs, and wipe away tears, hold the hands of little ones, play and sing songs. I get to smile all day, hear about some very interesting facts about transformers, Mario and the princesses. I get to do show and tell and gasp in excitement and amazement at every opportunity. I also have all the sudden memorized 80 names, and that's without the use of name tags!!!

I love what I do. I know I am where I am supposed to be and I am honored to get to spend my time with the children in my classes.

It's the four year olds again tomorrow and I wonder what will happen. I'll be sore, I'll be exhausted, I'll be happy to get my hugs, see the smiles and hear all about the many happenings in the world of the fours.

Maybe there won't be tears tomorrow, here's to hoping :)

N.

Missing Camy

Cam is away at a youth leader retreat this weekend so I'm home all by myself. I usually get to wake up every Saturday morning to a nice, perfect, hot cup of coffee and a smiling hubby. This morning I woke up alone to no coffee and no smiling hubby. I really do miss him


However, I did manage to make a decent cup of coffee.

N.

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Puppy love

Our family dog Riggs had torn a ligament in one of his back feet and had surgery last Friday to repair it. It was a whole lot of drama that surrounded his diagnosis and treatment. Especially because of a ridiculously stupid vet who told us incorrect information that may have lead to us loosing him. Once we got the correct information we made the choice to ensure he'd get the help he needed.

So here is the cutest photo of our dearest Mr. Riggs



N.

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choices

I won't go into much detail out of respect for my husbands family, but there has been a discussion surrounding my in-laws decision to not own a cell phone and us kids (all of cams siblings) wanting them to get one. You see, my father-in-law has diabetes and my mother-in-law doesn't drive. Therefore, if they were on the road and there was an emergency where my FIL needed medical help asap, MIL couldn't help what-so-ever! Their oulook is that they have gone 37+ years without a cell and therefore, do not need it. God will be with them, they have faith and that's all they need.

Now, I am a christian just like my in-laws and extended in-law family, and I absolutely believe that God is with us and that God hears our prayers and that we should have faith in Him alone. I also believe, and hence the title of this post, that we make choices that dictate the outcome of our lives. I believe that my grandfather got cancer and died at 79 because he smoked and his choice to smoke caused the cancer to develop, grow and kill him. I know that my grandfather was a God fearing man, I know that he prayed and had a stronger faith than most men I know. I believe that God allows us to make choices for ourselves, and if those choices walk us down a road of suffering and death, then God will be there giving us peace and holding our hands while we suffer. But I do not believe that God will always take that suffering away, we made our choices, we walk our own roads, we get the benefit of having Him (God) there with us along the way. The same is true of my grandmother who ate herself into diabetes and heart disease and then died from a stroke. She made the decisions that lead her down that road and God was with her willingly to the end. She was also a God fearing woman, she also prayed fiercely and full heartidly. It was her actions that caused the outcomes in her life.

I understand where my in-laws are coming from, but I believe that if they continue to choose to not protect themselves with something as simple as a cell phone for "just in case" then when that emergency happens (and it will because shit happens in life). The outcome of that emergency will be reflective of the decisions they made. God will be there holding their hands with them, but I am not sure that God will deliver them from the outcome.

This whole debate has got me thinking a lot about the decisions I am making in my own life and what am I chosing to do that could lead me down a path I do not wish to walk in the future. Am I eating myself into sickness and disease? I already have a list of conditions I suffer from that I do not want to see grow larger. What if I chose to make changes? What would those changes look like, and I actually sit down and listen what is God going to ask me to do to better my life? The life He has so graciously granted to me. 

It's food for thought, that's for sure. Do not judge me on my theology, I may hold a diploma from a Christian Institution but I am not a theologist. You may agree or not, that is entirely up to you. I just hope that you take a moment to analyze your own choices and be at peace with them and their outcomes.

Blessings, N.

Camping fun!

This weekend we took off to chilliwack (just outside abbotsford) for a camping trip with cams work. His boss put on a whole trip with all the fixings, yesterday was golf. I lost miserably... But proudly made it to the 13th hole, and today is just a day to relax.

As hubby demonstrates so well...


I named this guy Jimmy... Cute little cricket


Soon enough we will be back home to reality and I'll be in the classroom with a bunch of kiddies :)

N.

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For the love of staff meetings

I went to my very first W&T staff kick off today. Turns out that they love me (and the rest of their staff of course!)

I mean take a look...



Yes, you're right that's a very pretty in purple Lululemon bag that belongs to ME!

I love my job, this preschool company is the bestest ever :)

N.

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Preschool beginnings

Take a peek...


It may look a bit bare, but this classroom will soon be full of eighty lovely children in four separate classes. Awaiting play, education, social fun and field trips! And I get a front row seat through all ten months of fun, fun, fun!

I'm getting more excited with each passing moment. Right now it's lunch break and I'm slowly drinking my coffee... Thankful for the opportunities this job will bring. I am truly happy :)

Blessings, N.



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New found love...

Quinoa, yep... That's right. This lovely super food has grabbed my heart and made me fall in love with it's lovely nutty, fluffy self. It's SO good, and so versatile, for example my dinner tonight



Quinoa with zucchini, acorn squash, onion and garden fresh tomatoes. In a tortilla shell, yummy in my tummy

N.

killer stomach

I've been needing to desperately change the way that I eat and how I view food for a while now. Since getting married back in December 2008, I've gained a fair bit of weight. It's no secret (as much as i want it to be). If you knew me three years ago and saw me now, you'd know that I got bigger. At first I was mortified once I realized how much I gained (far too much) but then after a while I stopped getting mad at myself and instead asked myself why I allowed this to happen while not entirely realizing that it was.

Lately however, I have gotten far less worried about the number on the scale and far more worried about my health. It is evident from my lack of energy, abundance of stomach pain, brain fog and other symptoms that change is in order if I want to live happily.

Tonight I started a change and my body immediately reacted with vengeance. I haven't had stomach pain like this since early this year... Lucky me. Should go away by Tuesday night, I hope.

In other news, my hubby cut me some flowers from the garden he's such a sweet heart!



Blessings, N.

Happiness

There was one delightful morning when I woke up and saw this...




Seeing it every morning brings a big smile to my face. Life is good, my life is so damn good.

Blessings, N.

Sadie

So in an earlier post I communicated my frustrations regarding our big, boat like, long and green 1998 Chrysler Concorde. She was named Bernadette or Bernie for short and she was hell to drive and a money pit of unsafe horror. I'm honestly not exaggerating. My husbands parents got it for him when we were only a few months into our relationship and now nearly six years later... SHE IS GONE! We almost threw a party we were so incredibly happy.

So it was obvious that we needed a set of wheels... And after a long search and many tears...

Let me introduce you to the newest member of our family.

Meet... Sadie




She is a 2006 Hyundai Tuscan, low mileage, incredibly clean and well loved and cared for. We love her!!

Can you see the joy in our faces? Well, hubby is pretending to take a bite out of her (I dunno why, my husbands humor sometimes confuses me too!). We immediately took her out for a drive around the beach and tomorrow we are hoping to get to a lake and continue to enjoy her company, so we can all get to know one another better!

Her name came from a girls name that I absolutely LOVED but got vetoed by Cam as a contender for a future daughter so he let me use it for the car (not even an option for a future dog). And yes, we are weird like that, naming our cars and referring to them by their names it just makes it more fun!

So yes, welcome to the family Sadie you will be loved and cared for. I promise :)

N.

New hair cut :)

So yesterday I got a cut and color done, and I LOVE it. I went darker, more to my natural hair color and cut off a whole bunch of length, so now I have whats considered as a "bob". So its shorter in the back and longer in the front. I'm really excited for this change, it's going to be nice to maintain and keep looking good :)

In other news, I've been feeling so much lately like everyone I know around me is having babies. My sister (in law) is pregnant, and Im SO happy and excited to have another niece or nephew (Im thinking nephew) to spoil and love and cuddle. My other good friend Alissa is pregnant, which Im also super excited about too! (Im also thinking she will have a boy). And then there is my college roomie Traci who is preggo with a girl, and another college friend Carlene who is preggo... the list goes on...

Ive been wanting a baby for a LONG time, and I felt for so long that my time may never come because my body may never allow it. It wasn't until an appointment earlier this year with the gynecologist who did my surgery when I finally got some relief and some answers. She did an internal ultra sound and examination and behold, no more Endo!!!!!!!!!!!! which means, that my body should be able to conceive a child. It was just amazing because on the ultrasound screen she showed me my uterus and my eggs!!!! It was one of the most amazing experiences :)

I know that my day will come eventually and it's not a case of "she has one so I want one" it's more the feeling of knowing that I'm ready and that it will be the most incredible time of my life. Soon... I know that to be true. But the maternal heart strings are tugging and I can't wait much longer :)

Blessings, N.

Car frustrations

I've always had a love-hate relationship with the car I drive. It was my husbands when we got married so we just continued to use it, and I guess I should be thankful that I even have a vehicle to drive. But in this case, I'm not! She has left me stranded in some frustrating spots around the lower mainland, her tire went flat while I was driving, and she stalled just moments before us entering the busiest intersections in Langley, BC. Now, after an extensive overview by the mechanics who gave her an a-ok, she once again refuses to start and we've had enough!!! So we are on the search for something new (to us) and the search hasn't been easy. I came home crying yesterday just completely overwhelmed. We want to make the best decision and not end up car poor, or just poor in general. But at least we've narrowed it down to SUV for sure!! Maybe this week we will find something? I sure hope so.

In other news, staff training was so much fun! I'm VERY nervous to start and teach, but I'm learning and I'm brand new to the field of early childhood educators so I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself. As long as I'm doing my very best, that's what counts.

Blessings, N.

Pirate Paks!

Ever since I was young, The local and only British Columbian restaurant White Spot has been my favorite. Why you may ask? Because it's just the best. And it makes me sad when I get a craving outside BC and there is no Spot in sight. As a child my parents would take me after my dentist appointment for lunch, or for my birthday or just because and every time I would get the pirate pak and it was SO COOL! so when I heard that there was pirate pak day at White Spot today for adults with proceeds going to sick children I HAD to go! And so we did and I got a chicken burger and for a moment I was 5 again and it was was delightful. I was sad when my pirate ship was taken away. But I got my chocolate coin so I got over it.

Teacher Nicole?!

Years ago, when I was in highschool I had the opportunity to go to Mexico three seperate times for mission work. I got to help run a daily vacation bible school for children and hang out with a bunch of incredible kids. It was the highlight of my highschool career, and out of it I decided that I would be a missionary. Then came graduation and going onto choose where I would go to school and what I would do. So... I went to CBC, started doing a Intercultural Degree and then ended up meeting Cameron (my love!) and realising that marrying him was my dream and my future. So I changed my major to psychology and LOVED every moment of it.

To make a very long testimony short... I NEVER thought I'd EVER become a preschool teacher. If you could go back and talk to Nicole Stehr even just one year ago, Im sure she'd laugh, or shake her head, or maybe even brush off what you were saying if you'd tell her that a year from that moment she would be a preschool teacher working for W&T.

Back in my college years each roommate I ever had outside the dorms was an Early Childhood Educator, and there were songs, and they were silly, and they had weird homework and everything was over expressive. And I thought to myself, by golly! why in the world would anyone EVER go into that career field?! Little did I know that I was destined to follow in their footsteps, because now... I LOVE every single moment of the sillyness, the joy, the laughter, the songs, the FUN! Cause it truly is incredibly fun and if you love children as much as I do and if you love watching children grow and develop and learn as much as I do, then you can only LOVE love love this career.

When I took child psychology and finished reading that text book from cover to cover, I was just overwhelmed with how a child develops, learns, grows and becomes the person they will be as an adult. I have the honor of being able to teach and love children at the most vital time in their development and that is incredibly special to me. I have lots to learn and lots to master in terms of how to do the guiding and the teaching right. But I have an incredible amout of love to offer those three and four year olds that will walk into my preschool classroom and I am eager to get started!

Teacher Nicole? Yah... I can handle that title. I will wear that badge proudly :)

so its been a while...

Ive been thinking about all the many things I could update you on, cause it has been over six months since Ive taken a glance at this blog. So lets continue where we left off, huh?

In March, my parents had Cam and I over for dinner... this wasn't anything out of the ordinary. My mother liked to have us over as much as she could to feed us and therefore, help us out with our grocery bill by not having to worry about some of our meals. It also helped me out BIG time cause I was in full time school and not wanting to worry about dinner. But at this particular dinner gathering they brought up the question, "what if we bought a house with an incredible basement suite in it and you guys move in?". SHOCK was one of the initial reactions since they had been throwing an idea like that around for years, pretty well the moment they knew Cam and I would be married there was talk. But this time, they were actually serious!!! We left that night with something serious to talk about, so we talked. And then came back to them with, "YES!, as long as the basement suite isn't crap!" (trust me, its not!). So, here we are, August and we've been in this space for 5 or so weeks now and LOVE it. Our space is twice the size for less rent then we were paying at our old place and we get the luxury of saving for our 1st home years down the road, what is not to love about that? Now, we're just contemplating paint colours!

In April, I GOT A JOB! with the best preschool company around! I am SO excited to start staff training tomorrow and then begin the school year September 1st. The way this happened can only be described as an incredible blessing from God. Because in December 2010 I ran into someone who I haven't seen in YEARS! and she just casually asked what I was doing, I told her I was going back to school for my ECE and then she mentioned that she knew the director of W&T and that she would be happy to be a reference for me if I decided to apply to W&T. So, at the end of January I applied and then the first week of April I got a call. I went into the interview with absolutely no expectations other than excitment for a great opportunity. It was five minutes after meeting me that the director of W&T offered me a job and asked me to accept full time!!! I was beyond excited, I left the coffee shop shaking and praising God for I knew it was only Him that made it happen.

Unfortunately though a few weeks after this excitment my college was closed by the Langley school board and I was forced to find a different educational institution. Thankfully, I found where to go and will be returning to school starting the end of September for two night classes a week. I should be graduated December 2012, with my certificate and then another year or so after that be done with my diploma.

In July, Cam and I went to VEGAS!!!!! with my family, it was to celebrate my parents anniversary and just have a great time in a place that doesn't sleep. It was so much fun, lots of late nights, lots of walking, lots of things to see. We saw Blue Man Group, and The Vegas Show (a must see!) we ate at Mario Batalli's resturant (such a highlight for me!) and went to Serendipitys resturant for their frozen hot chocolate (very yummy!). We had such a great time, but I seriously missed having a beach :( so Cam and I are hoping to plan our own incredible vacation for next year, with a beach! and just the two of us!

Im sure that there is more to share, but Im going to stop there... until next time!

Blessings, N.

School Rocks!

So I really should update this thing more often, not that I really have much news to update on. School so far has been a blast, I truly am a school junkie. Cam always jokes saying that I'll be in school forever, he is probably right! I can still see myself being in my mid thirties working on my BA or Masters, having fun at work, raising my kidlets (or correct term: children) and keeping up with the house work while still finding ways to romance my husband (hahaha). I would love to live a life like that one. I finally see myself heading in that direction.

School is so much like psychology that Im thrilled I chose to go in this direction, the way children behave and why they behave the way they do is fascinating! Im learning so many ways to guide and direct them through teaching them problem solving skills and ways to encourage but not praise them, affirm but not reward them, etc. It really is a skill. And the creative aspects of the field are thrilling, I LOVE to be creative, I feel like it just is a natural thing for me to do, so to find ways to show literature, art, math, and science to young children is just so much fun! Im really nervous for my practicums, but Im sure I'll be okay.

There are SO many babies being born, our landlords had a little boy in January and good friends of ours had their second boy in January too. It was so much fun to go to the hospital and hold little adorable James Karl in my arms. so CONGRATS Trevor and Angela on the birth of James & Jon and Christy on the birth of Mattius. O, and my nieces had their 4th birthdays one in December and one in January, and my little nephew turned 1 in January too! so happy birthday to all you little ones, Love you SO much, xoxox.

now off to do some homework... its not so hard, just really time consuming. O did I mention that I aced my child development test? 100%! yep, thats right :)

N.

a look at 2010

The tree is still bright in our living room, with the lights shining on our front window, stockings are still up and none of the Christmas decorations have been put away as of yet. Unfortunately however, Christmas has come and gone. It's always sad to me when the final gift has been given and opened, and the final moments of Christmas are over. I have so many fond memories of my childhood Christmas's that its sad to me that each year they continue to change. It's okay though, life keeps changing and Christmas is not exempt from the changes that occur. This past year has been an interesting year thats for sure...

I had started 2010 with intentions of going back to school, and I had! I did three classes from January to April at CBC towards my psychology BA there. I had completed two of those classes with an A and one with an A-, one of these classes being Adult Psychology and the other effective teaching, two classes that I was terrified to start that month.

I had started a job in an organization that I thought I could make my home, and my career in. Unforunately, bad experiences and the reality of what sacrifices it meant to succeed there made it unfit and I left after one two months of full time work there. However, through this I understood that ECE (preschool teacher and/or infant & toddler work) are for me! and I was determined to make a career out of something I loved, and looked forward to doing.

Cam had stayed landscaping this entire year, starting in Feburary and ending in December. A year that had its challenges with finances, but we learned to endure and make the best of our rescources. It was absolutely a year of learning and understanding for Cam, that he wants to persue horticulture as a career direction! being a landscaper has a held his passion and he wishes to make it his lifes work. 2011 will give him challenges in how to move forward in this step and choice, whether school is his best option.

We did some trips this year. One to Ontario in Feburary to hold our nephew Timothy for the first time! we were absolutely honored to be the guests in Jen and Dans home and see Timmy and Addison, play in the snow and go see the Niagra falls, it was gorgeous! We were also honored when they came in November here to BC to see Cams parents, (and us of course!). We also travelled to Winnipeg, Manatobia to see the family and to celebrate Colin and Jessica's wedding! (Cams younger brother). We were both in the wedding party and had such a blast there in the summer (we had previous been there December 2009, to meet our newest neice Ashley!).

Cam and I also had an adventure in August with almost buying a condo in Murrayville, it was one of those steps that we thought we could handle. But thankfully the Lord new that we were waaay over our heads and lead us away from the opportunity which meant walking away from the deal and back in the rental we were currently living in. We hope that soon we will be able to journey in the direction of owning a place of our own, but for now we are more than happy with our location and landlords.

We celebrated our 2nd anniversary this month as well (December 20th!) it was incredible to be aware that its been two years already that we've been together under the same roof, living as a family. I hope that every year gets better and better.

2011 will bring changes once again. I am going to school at Langley College, its not certain if I will be going full time the entire year, but I will be going full time January to June for certain (two semesters with one practicum). I am eager to see what will happen this next year, yet I am aware that it will feel like just a moments notice when I am back here writing about the year of 2011 and our hopes for 2012. I wish to savor every moment, and not wish away the year... everything happens when its meant to I believe.

So... here is a big *cheers* to 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

update & change of plans

I'm back! Jen mentioned when she was out here in November that she keeps checking to see if I have updated my blog yet... and then is sad when she sees that I haven't (now you'll have to comment on this post Jen so I know you've read it!)

Life has been kinda crazy since August (my last post) considering its December and two weeks away from Christmas, I have a lot to catch you up on, but most of you who read this already know about my life... so I guess its not so bad.

so 1st, I got the job at QMM, I started on September 13th and then I quit on November 10th. It is a long story why I quit, and if you honestly want to know the full story then just ask me. I don't want my personal details on that one to be lost in the orbit of the internet world. It is because of QMM and that experience that I decided that I really wanted a career that I know I would love, I thought, I prayed, I considered, I researched, I pondered, cried and came to the conculsion that ECE (early childhood education) was the route for me. I can go to school full time in the day (with one evening class) and finish my certificate, then finish my diploma at night while I work (after the certificate is complete) and then if I want, I can even take it into psychology to become a child psychologist OR I can continue at UFV and transfer my ECE into their Child and Youth Care BA and then keep going for a Masters degree in ECE. So there are SO many options it is unreal... so there will be so much that I can do with it! Im excited to start. I actually went to an orientation at Langley College on a Tuesday, went to their testing and interview process two days later on Thursday and was accepted that Monday for their January semester!!!! YAY me! I even got 96% on their entry exam!

Other than that.... Christmas is going to be awesome this year! We are going to spend equal time between Cams family and my family, its going to be different this year but thats okay! we finally get Brandon this time! he isn't in Germany this year like he was last year.

I think I will try to think of other things we've been up to and catch you up next time...the pic is taken from my sister-in-laws blog, my nephew Timothy and I. He is 11 months this month, I love that little guy! the only nephew I have (so far!).

N.

The White House is no more :'(

When I came to CBC in January of 2006, Cam was living in the Jones Street House on campus. I remember many cuddling nights on the couch in the living room, falling in love with the incredibly handsome man beside me. The next year he went into The White House and again, the memories are many of the year he lived in the room in the basement. How we played video games in the living room for hours and how although I was supposed to be outta the house by 11pm, I would usually stay till 1am or later. Our relationship unfolded in the walls of the houses on campus at Columbia Bible College... and, now they are no more.

This week both of the houses were demolished on campus to make way for the construction of the new dorm building project. And although Ive known for a few years that this project was going to take place, I had no idea that the photos of campus with the empty spaces of where those homes were would make me cry as hard as they have. Seeing the photos of the demolished house were there were so many precious memories made.... were I fell in love with my husband, makes me cry tears of serious sadness. I know that those houses are just the places where the memories were formed, but still.... its another part of our new reality that CBC will never be the same, that we have to move on. I am thrilled for the plans that we have for our future, I am thankful for the memories we made at CBC... but it still hurts, and I am allowing it to.

Man alive, I will be a basket case when they demolish the chapel that we got married in whenever it is that they do.

It feels like forever ago that I attended CBC, I miss it SO much! and I am SO thankful for everything that happened in those halls... in those homes, my life... I don't want to consider who and where I would be without those precious years at CBC.

we're home!!!!!!!!!!!

the wedding was fabulous! I had such a fun time... Being in the party was so much fun, the dresses were incredibly sexy, my hair looked honestly incredible and my makeup was done by Anthony, who was SO MUCH FUN! He called me sweetie and talked me into buying more product that I probably should have (of course!) but anyways...

I got the ball rolling on the paper work to be done to be officially a Quality Move Management Customer Service Rep. Im SO EXCITED! It just dawned on me that my CBC days are quite far behind me... I don't have my completed degree yet, but there is always the opportunity to go back and complete it. I may not get it done until Im quite a bit older... my focus is going to be entirely on this job. My priorities have shifted from "MUST HAVE A BA" to "want to succeed at the opportunities that present themself to me, set my family up for our future and work towards a home and a baby" I honestly didn't go searching for this job, my friend informed me of it and then I put in an application and BOOM I got it, with the effort of interviews of course. But I truly believe that God had His almighty hand in this one. I will focus on doing more courses in January, after I got training for QMM and understand the job more. This will help me focus on the job so I can pass the probation. The owner of QMM wants to meet me apparently to get to know me, the office is like an intimate family... just knowing that the owner of the company wants to know who I am, to me is a fantastic sign of a properly run company who cares about who works for them.

Honestly, I am SUPER EXCITED to go shopping for some heels and super awesome office wear :) Alissa, you in???

Tomorrow, Jason gets back from Mexico... he was on a missions trip doing plumbing and Im sure he saw some things that touched his heart. He has never been exposed to that type of culture before. Please pray for his safe return and that once he starts looking for a plumbing job here that he will become successful. He has been out of work in plumbing since May of 09, its quite devestating and he is coming into some real bad financial problems because of it.

N.

I GOT THE JOB!!!

I finally heard back from QMM today!!! and..... Christina said that she wanted to proceed in the steps to hiring me! Just some paper work and a background check and I will be on payroll :)

I am soooo excited for the opportunity, a little nervous cause I will have to train and all for two weeks and all I want is to do my best and do great at the job, pass the three month probation and work there for a while! I hope I love it.

I start either the end of August, or middle of September. Doesn't matter to me when, as long as I am on staff!

Im super happy tonight...

N.

it's sure been a stressful ride *sad face*

so... after some real hard pushing to make this condo thing happen, Cam and I realised that it's not going to happen and we decided to back out of the deal. We didn't get approved, because Cam's work is seasonal it just wasn't working out for the banks to give us the loan and we refuse to have a co-signer so this is the end.

And.... as sad as I truly am to say "goodbye" to it, I know in my heart that it's okay and that this is just not the right timing for us. I believe that God is saying "just not right now you two, trust me!" so because of the overwhelming peace, my heart is happy. I am honestly happy. I know that there is a perfect home for us to purchase one of these days, just not today.

We will try again next year, probably next summer/fall and that's okay. In the mean time we're going to make this awesome basement suite more like home...

Still no word from the QMM job... hopefully that news is good, but if its not, I still believe that God has His hands in it all and that the right job will present itself. I will just look like crazy once I get home from Winnipeg. Maybe starbucks! :) Maybe the library! :) or... who knows, maybe QMM! :)

N.

alrighty... update again!

So.... QMM decided that since they have been traveling all week for meetings, that they would put off hiring. SO! when I called and spoke to Christina, she said that she would be calling me back early next week, and asked me if I could hang in there! I feel that if they don't want me at all.... then they wouldn't have given me a second interview, I also believe then that they would have told me no right away, or even today would have just said "we're going in a different direction" therefore, I have confidence that I have a very good chance of getting it. But things aren't final until they are final and I get that phone call and my cubical :)

The job is an office job, its a customer service representative position. Lots of phone calling customers, lots of answering phones, lots of paper work... etc.. etc.. but I really feel like I could do it and I really feel like I'd love it! So... still crossing my fingers that I get it!

No condo news as of yet... but I keep googling for ideas for the kitchen and bathrooms for renos.

Alissa, I'd love for us to sit in a starbucks/Chapters and go thru magazines for ideas :) if we do get it then it won't be until the new year that we would start big renos, but paint would probably be something we'd do sooner than later.

so.... another update will be posted as soon as there is true news to celebrate! its just incredible to me how Cam and I have been praying over and over and over again for God to guide us, show us, move us into the direction that He has planned. It was tears and pain and frustration of seeing where we wanted to be but never feeling like we knew how to get there and then BANG this condo comes up and BANG I get a text message from Kailee about a job she thinks I'd be great for in her office that'd be perfect... and BANG all these things fit PERFECTLY into where Cam and I are right now... this is it, this condo is our home we can feel it and I feel the same way about this job. Its just incredible to me how God works and answers prayers.

And even how God as been showing me how anxiety has been ruling my life and that instead of crazy trying to diet and crazy trying to "fix" who I am, I instead just need to focus on Him and ask Him to help me get through this anxiety and seek out my true self in Him and learn how to treat my body and myself properly without the restrictions and pain of a super strict life. Im not happy that Im the heaviest that Ive ever been, but its just been this past month that Ive noticed it... and that I am understanding how I got here, I want to change but help change my perspective first to stop using food for comfort, to stop using it to hide behind.
WOW is life a journey! :)

N.

ANOTHER update! (for you Alissa Dueck cause you requested one!)

okay guys... SO I found out yesterday that the managers that had interviewed me have left for Alberta yesterday and are back on Friday, so Im quite sure from that news that they won't be calling me until Friday. Im actually working landscaping Friday so that cell is staying in my pocket all day long! If they don't call me by like 2pm or so than Im just going to call the office myself and ask for Christina and get the info cause its KILLING me to not know. But come on... how many peeps could they interview Monday?? Or even last week?? So I hopefully have a pretty good shot :) They are filling two spots too... as far as I know, I also know that one of the girls they interviewed before me they didn't like! SCORE! So as soon as I know, I will be posting!!! I also put in resumes to Starbucks and Coastcapital but... I would work at McDonalds for a while if I have to cause...

CAM AND I ARE BUYING A CONDO!!!! wahoooo!!!! in Murrayville, township of Langley!

http://www.realtylink.org/prop_search/Detail.cfm?areatitle=&ARPK=&ComID=&agentid=&MLS=F1014978&rowc=3&rowp=1&BCD=FV&imdp=116&RSPP=5&AIDL=911&SRTB=P_Price&ERTA=False&MNAGE=0&MXAGE=200&MNBT=0&MNBD=0&PTYTID=1&MNPRC=200000&MXPRC=900000&SCTP=RS

Above is the link to MLS... you can click and see photos! The deal isn't done yet, we're still trying to get our financing together and have to extend our subjects in order to do that so super fingers crossed that the seller will let us extend. They have accepted our offer so we just need to get approved and sign some papers and then September 1st we move in!! We are sure they will extend cause they need to sell it and we're the ONLY offer on the table. We LOVE it! It needs some serious love as you can see from the photos but Im already looking online for ideas and all that jazz. Even if I don't get the QMM job, we're still buying it. We are just going to make it work... we have a plan! Like my brilliant hubby has said "you need to fight for what you want, so lets fight hard for it!" and so we are.

So yes, the stressing??? I really want this job cause it will make our lives soooo much better in terms of us buying this condo and to have benefits and security is awesome! If I don't get it than its just another swamp of uncertanity and waiting for when I get a job wherever (including McDonalds) to make sure that mortgage payment is paid. Cam still has his job landscaping so we're not eating KD quite yet... but he is going back to school for landscape horticulture soon so thats another reason why I need a good enough job to handle paying the bills so Cam can go to school and get his degree to have a career in a field he LOVES! and will sustain our family when we have babies and Im off work and finishing my degree(s).

The stress comes from all the major decisions that need to be made in terms of our future! I guess we're taking a risk... but well, we figure if the going gets super tough and shit hits the fan we can always sell and start again. We won't know until we try!

N.

UPDATE! had another interview today!

so.... that first interview went really well. I was interviewed by only Christina who is one of the customer service manager type people. We got along really well I think and I felt really good coming out of the interview. It went for like a half hour!

I was then called for a second interview for today with another one of the boss people in the customer service department, I think this one went well. I was interviewed for a while and we both exchanged some laughs. I really hope that I made an impression cause I think the interview I had today is going to be the deciding factor...

They said they would let me know their decision by the end of next week... *fingers crossed* and many many prayers that I get it, I really REALLY want this job! It would be such a fantastic opportunity for me. If I don't get it however, I know that there will be something else for me to do and a different direction for me to go.

N.

job interview! gah....

today at 1pm I am interviewing for a job at one of the most popular moving compaines around the lower mainland and the rest of Canada (I had not heard of them prior to this interview however!) Quality Move Management is the company... they move major companies and other high end people like the Canucks :)

anyways... I have an interview for the customer service rep position, my good friend Kailee already works for them and has been promoted several times so I hope I can live up to the expectations they have of me cause of what Kailee has been saying.

The pay is good, I would get benefits for me and Cam again (finally) and its apparently an incredible company to work for (says Kailee) so Im super nervous but excited to give it a shot and try to get a good office job again...

all in Gods will right? I keep praying that its so... I know that if I don't get it, something else just as good will present itself.

PRAY FOR ME! :)

N.

so... Im going to go private with this thing... After I deleted it, I really did miss it and then began to think about all the things I could write about, and how this blog already contains a bunch of my life that I don't have documented anywhere else.

I just assumed that nobody read it... but then I got people asking me where it was, so I guess people do read it :) thats good to know!

Life has been interesting... I will post with more details, for now Im going to try and relax and spend some time praying before bed.

N.

we were just informed this morning about ten mintues ago that Grandma B had passed away earlier this morning. Today would be her 83rd birthday... We love you so very much Grandma B, have a happy birthday in paradise.

Tiena Balzer
July 11th, 1927 - July 11th, 2010

Out of respect to my mother-in-law I had taken off my post about my husbands grandmother and her diagnosis of cancer back in the earlier months of this year. It will be in the next few days that we will receive a phone call informing us that she has passed. Please keep my husband, his sisters, brother, parents and other beloved family members in mind as we remember a remarkable woman and member of our family. Grandma B, or Tiena Balzer as she was formally called, is a wonderful woman of God who loves her family... and adores her grandchildren and great grandchildren.

She had come out for our wedding in '08 and Cams graduation in '09, she will be incredibly missed by both Cameron and myself and of course the rest of the family.

WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA B... and we will see you again in heavenly glory.

tomorrow is the actual day... but today I woke up to discover streamers, balloons, and a 25 banner and paper on the wall that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIE! pink and purple roses, presents and my favorite Tim Hortons breakfast all set up! it was fabulous and super sweet of Cameron to put that all together. He is working tomorrow, so today he is making my day extra special... what a wonderful husband!

but tomorrow I will officially be 25!

that number has a bunch of different meanings to me... mostly there is symbolism in that number, that to me carries the reality of being an adult.
In highschool I thought that by the time I reached the age of twenty five I would own a home, have at least one child and be in a steady career, or in the midst of finishing a Masters Degree of some type. WOW! do things not exactly work out the way that they were initially planned. I got married when I knew I wanted to... 23 to be exact, and I am super happy that Cam came into my life when he did. He is my best friend and my everything.

I seem to get carried away that the expectations that I had put up for myself do not necessarily need to be fulfilled in the timeframe I gave myself when I was like thirteen. Its okay! Seriously, its okay! Life happens, shit happens! and figuring it all out so dramatically and perfectly in order to make sure every single avenue and piece of everything goes smoothly is impossible to handle. This I am realising. Its okay that I am not pregnant at this moment, that Im not living in a condo that Cam and I full out own. We will get there when we get there... and if shit happens along the way of meeting those goals, then we will work around it. All I wish for myself now, is to enjoy the ride of life and be happy and excited with every new adventure Cam and I step into...

I LOVE my life, I love my body and my spirit and my relationship with my most adored friends and most loving families (both Stehr and Kroeker) I LOVE my personality, dislikes and likes and big, opinionated mouth!
I Love that who I am is found in God...
I LOVE that I LOVE psychology and the motivation/drive I have to be someone someday in some sort of career, whether counselor or librarian

So... bring on twenty five! Im really eager to live out what it has in store!

Smiles and blesssings!
N. Stehr

this book by Geneen Roth has been inspirational to me... it has been apparent to me that I obviously have an eating disorder. It is not anorexia or bulemia, instead it is the obessive need to drown myself in overeating and starving and depriving myself, hating myself, loathing the person that I am and trying so desperately to fix it, to "fix" me.

I saw this books author on tv and it became very clear to me that I NEEDED with such a desperate plea to read that book... I remember being in the state of mind that said "you have to read that book Nicole, you must read it! freedom from all this shit may actually come from the psychology in that book" and well, it did in certain terms.

I read it with the knowledge that this woman is not a christian, she does not talk about Jesus or calvary, she does not speak about how Christ is the savior of the world and that through treating ourselves like temples we live out Gods plan. No, I am sorry this book is something different, what may be defined as "new age" if people may place it there... it is helpful... and I ABSOLUTELY recommend it to every woman. Not everyone may get the experience that I have gotten from it, but I believe that every woman who has learned to believe she is "fat, unworthy, left behind, unwanted" and has convinced themselves that they "aren't lovable" those women NEED to find themselves again... they do, absolutely deserve to love themselves, all of themselves, even the jiggly parts of themselves :)

Since reading most of this book (I have a few chapters left) I am glad to be in a place of examining how I react to food, to my own emotions, to my choices... I am listening to my body and understanding a heck of a lot about past experiences that got me here. To the place of loathing everything about myself. FINALLY I love my body, I think I am sexy and desirable and I can FINALLY see what my husband sees in me when I am naked. I have been in shitty past relationships... but the beauty of this book has helped me to realise that nothing defines me but me.. and the choices I make and how I want to be, and I loooove that. And the icecream that I used to drown my sorrows in, the cookies and anything else that I could get my hands is not needed anymore. I am finally whole and lovable and worthy and sexy and I see that in myself and I am starting to listen to my body and what it needs and wants... ironically what it wants isn't icecream all along, instead it's nourishment and love and movement.

Praise God! :)

hello hello! so things around here have finally calmed down, so much so that I don't know what to do with myself most days. I am only working two days a week so far... which is kind of nerve racking since my pay cheque is supposed to be helping pay for my schooling, but Im making a lot more than I would if I was to go and apply at Starbucks or a bank. So... I guess we will just have to wait and see how it goes, its apparently the start of the maintenance season, so there will be work... eventually!

The surprise party that us Kroeker kids threw was a HUGE success! it was so fabulous, I am so happy and proud of my husband and brothers and I. We had twenty people all together including ourselves and our parents. All of their close friends, and all from their several walks of life (old neighbourhood, bible study, dads brother & fiance and friends from waaaaay back) it was so much fun to surprise them like that, they literally had noooo idea! So we were all thrilled with how everything turned out. THANK YOU HERB & LYNN AND ROD & KAREN for taking my parents out so that we could surprise them! that means a lot to us :)
so I finally decided (with the help of cameron of course) that I will finish my BA in December of 2011, instead of April 2011. This is so that I can just enjoy my life... enjoy my school, and with only seven credit hours left to do in September 2011-December 2011 it really won't affect much of my life (the schooling) so that I can still work and Cam and I can still move on with plans that we have for us. As well, this means that we won't be putting so much of our finances into school and can now have more freedom to save up for a home, among other things. I feel very peaceful about this decision and am actually really excited for the internship opportunities I have. My sexual ethics class... although painful to be in (the class is difficult emotionally) really sparked my interest in women being abused, either sexually or emotionally and my wanting to work with them. I still want to talk to the teacher of the class and ask her some questions and maybe for some guidence on what I could do for an internship and where I could go, what compainies I could work for... etc... but even though I keep getting really scared to be a counselor and I keep trying different routes to be something else, I ALWAYS comes back to the same thing... counseling as the way for me to go. Im not as scared anymore... Im just more excited to finish my BA, although the thought of walking across that stage in a blue gown makes me think that the moment that moment is over I will be a grown up! hahaha, its silly cause I am a grown up and I will be 26 when I graduate, but still... once that part of my life is over, then the next thing is kids and a house!! and a masters degree which leads to a career, and to me... thats part of the definition of grown up!

blessings!
N stehr.

so... I was in bed the other day watching Joyce Meyers (she is FABULOUS!) and guess what happened?! A HUUUUUGE spider came crawling towards me on my blanket!!!! it was soooooo gross, I freaked and smacked it with my journal (that I was taking notes with) which then fell onto the ground, where I grabbed my fat psych text and placed it ontop of it so it wouldn't get away. I then came out to the kitchen and text messaged Cam... but then a monster fly flew into my face! I wanted to cry... and what did Cam do? Texted me back laughing.

I need to get out and work full time... even the crazy huge/giant bugs in my house say so!

Good News! Got work for tomorrow AND Friday, and then hopefully start full time in May! yippeeeee....

ps. we booked our flights for Winnipeg with a seat sale (score!) its actually the best seat sale Ive seen in a looong time so Im thrilled... we're leaving here August 7th at 11am so we'll land there at 7:44pm (stuck in Edmonton for four hours, maybe we'll hit the mall... heehee)

these past two weekends have been CRAZY! ... my little brother Brandon (not really little, he is now 6 feet 5) came home from Germany, where he was for the past eight months! Its crazy to think that he was gone and now he is back. weeeeird. Anyways... he came home on Jasons (my other little brother who isn't so little) 23rd birthday, so we did a dinner for Jason on the 9th, then a big breakfast on the 10th and then DQ that night as well for Brandons home celebration!!!! Then the 11th we went out with Jared and Katherine, it was good times had by all! That was just THAT weekend.... THEN this weekend, on the 16th we went to the Newsboys concert, it was FABULOUS! our seats were killer, they were perfect! Michael Tait is the lead singer and I kid you not that he was literally singing on stage three feet infront of me, and I was in the 22nd row on the floor. They had a catwalk and they played a bunch of songs at the end of the catwalk! soooooo cool! Not going to lie, I wanted to reach out and touch him... but I was too chicken (I totally could have touched him too!). That was Jasons birthday gift from all us kids, we then went to Mr. Mikes for dinner afterwards (at like 9:30pm) but that place is AMAZING for burgers... like seriously AMAZING!!! Cam is calling it our new favorite place (our previous fave was White Spot) so I think Mr. Mikes will be on the menu very soon once again! Then on the 17th it was my very amazing, handsome husbands 29th birthday! I can't believe that my hubby is 29!!!!!!! I remember throwing him a 25th b-day pizza party back in our CBC days and now I AM going to be 25 THIS july! eeeeekkk.... time flies by sooooo fast!!!!!! But that day, although it was our friends grad, from the festivities on the night prior, we decided to let Cam have a lazy morning, he opened his gift from me, a gift card to Home Depot so he can buy gardening tools (im clueless with that stuff) and a four pack of Guiness beer! mmmm....... then we went to Subway for his birday lunch and then Home Depot so that he could grab what he wanted (I kinda chuckled at the fact that he chose Martha Stewart gardening tools) and then it was to the mall where we caught up with my brothers, hung out and then to the PUB!!!! for the hockey game where the Canucks LOST :'( . Then on the 18th (yesterday) it was dinner for Cams birthday at my parents house where he chose meatloaf of all things... with hedgehog flavored cake! yuuuummy and wine! :)

So there you have it... my goodness this month has been FULL of fun... now its time to relax. I started landscaping on the 16th and truly LOVED it. It is nothing like IGA, I am outside, I have no customers to deal with, and its the same shift every single day with weekends off! but I am maitenance and that hasn't started up full swing yet.. so Im just waiting until I can pick up more hours which should be sometime in May! yippeee. for the blessing of work.

Hubby is home :)
N Stehr

my mother always told me that once I put my mind to something, I accomplish it. So, graduating from CBC is no exception! I technically have three semesters worth of classes left to do, once I get my grades back for the three classes I just finished (well technically I still have one final in adult psych to finish, due Friday, and THEN I will be offically done these classes).

So there were two options:
1. take three semesters to finish school and graduate December 2011
OR
2. work like crazy and do distance education and finish for April 2011

I took #2 as the game plan!

SO... the game plan is this: I am currently enrolled in Sexual Ethics class from April 26th to April 30th, this is a one credit modular class that goes from 1-4pm for just those five days. I will have a major paper due for it in May, but all the classes are done in that five day time span.

THEN...
I start distance education from a University in Alberta, Athabasca. I am already registered and accepted into their Cognitve Psychology class starting May 1st. I will also register and start their Social Psychology class starting June 1st. I have six months from the start date to complete these courses.... so Im not worried, but the goal is to work hard this summer and complete them before I go to Harrison Hot Springs in September.

THEN...
I have a 14 credit semester in September, followed by another 14 credit semester in January, while doing distance education through Athabasca again for the English Literature that I need to make sure is complete by August 2011...

THEN...
I will have to do my bible/theology level 3/4 class as either another distance education through Briercrest that summer OR as a two week modular through CBC at the end of April along with my internship (to be done by the end of August) to recieve my Bachelor of Arts degree. BUT I will get to walk across the stage and all that April 2011!!!!!!!

Sound complicated and hard??? ummm.... YEP! hahahaha.... but Im determined to get it done and to be successful and graduate with friends in April 2011. That way I can work throughout the summer and fall and figure out from there where and when and if I want to continue into a Masters Degree...
My most recent thought process is slowly doing distance education through Athabasca for a Masters in Counseling Psychology, I can just take my time, work, have babies! and all that jazz while still working towards my future career.

I had an awesome half hour talk with my pscyh prof about all my options and my fears (he is currently working on his Ph.d in psych)... he said that its interesting how fearful and worried I am about counseling when I am not even trained yet to do it... he is right! and well, Im starting to tell myself and realise that honestly, I can do anything!!! and be anything, and be good at it!!! I just need to work hard for it.

take care! need to run out and grab groceries for the hubby....
N Stehr.

WAHHOOOOO!!!!!!.... remember that adult psych research paper that I was stressing out about? My very first psych research paper that I needed to write?! Well, I got my grade back!

I GOT 96%!!!!!!!!

Im beyond excited, this brings my grade up to a 89% which is an A :)

Thanks for all the support and helpful advice that friends and family have sent my way!

N Stehr.