well... we made it safe and sound to Ontario, already went to see the Niagara falls last Saturday, wow time flies! It was gorgeous! I will post pics once I am on my own computer at home, but the ice and snow all around the falls made it the most beautiful site to see. And the tourist shops around the falls were fun as well, we ventured into the Hershey chocolate store, the fudge shop and the coke store. It was incredible to know that just a few feet away on the other side of the falls was New York! I saw New York! only I was the only one with my passport so we didn't walk across the bridge to visit the USA side. That made me really sad, so instead of stating that I had been in New York I can only say that I had seen New York. But I have a plan, that next time we come here to Ontario for a visit we will make it two weeks so we can spend one week here with the family and then the other week we will rent a car and drive the eight hours to New York City!!!!! I'm psyched to plan that trip, won't happen for a few years though.

Timmy is the most adorable little baby boy. I keep telling him that he is my favorite nephew, because he is the only one I have, so far! He seriously makes me want to have a house full of boys someday, even though Cam still wants a baby girl to throw into the mix for fun. He is so much fun to cuddle and carry around, since babysitting him a few times already this week I feel much more confident in my abilities. Should be fun when that time of life starts.

Ive started researching for my paper already today, and Lindsay you sure are right about the amount of information there is out there. I have narrowed my topic down to anxiety sensitivity in development. I am very curious once I start diving into the journal articles, what I will find and how I will narrow down the subject even further. If I receive a good grade, then I will post the paper for you all to read if you're interested. I'm always protective of my work, kind of nervous about how others will respond to it. I need to get over that if I'm to move on in school.

Jen, my sister in law has got me thinking about being a librarian. Although the psychology counselling degree at Trinity still has my attention. I was looking into it further the other day and for some reason it doesn't feel as intimidating as it did a few months ago. But who knows what direction I will end up going, if any at all. It's just so overwhelming to me. I want a career, that's for sure. But decisions like this are always so difficult to make.

Time for some grub! I hear Jen juggling pots and pans downstairs. My diet has been tossed out the window this past month... I am very disappointed in myself, and still feel very sick on a daily basis. I don't know what to do to kick myself into gear, but I hope that I can keep fighting hard to be healthy, especially since my IBS symptoms are returning with vengeance.

Blessings from Ontario! :)

The homework is getting done so that the trip to Ontario can be filled with lots and lots of family boding time! :) But the reality of my adult psychology research paper being due eight days after we get home from the trip is going to be hard for me to swallow while Im there. SO... Im going to have to start researching online at their place to ease my panic and get a good start on my thesis. Im planning to do the topic of either mood disorders with a concentration on anxiety or premenopause and how the symptoms can affect everyday life. Anyone have any other ideas? Or good research sites and resources?

Other than school being fabulous, things around here are great. Cam is working on a regular basis which is such a praise item for us. However, the hours he works each day are not full time so that is still a need for prayer. I do have an important prayer item that involves my sister in law Jen, her husband Dan and their new son Timothy who we are visiting in Ontario next week.

Timothy may have cystic fibrosis, the doctors tried a sweat test on him and the results came back inconclusive so now we have to wait until Tim is two months old for his next test. There is no family history of cystic fibrosis on either side of the families so we are in high hopes that the test comes back negative and that little Timmy is okay. Please pray that he is completely healthy and that when Tim is tested in March again, that the results are good. Thank you, we all appreciate it.

until next time... blessings!

Im reading by far one of the BEST books that Ive read in a looong time. Its called The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. She is a psychotherapist and is brilliant! And after Im done with this book (which Im reading for conflict management class) Im going to go searching to buy it and others by her. I believe that every single married woman needs to read this book! Im serious... it is profound the revelations that have come from reading it. I have two chapters left to read and I just picked it up on thursday morning. When Im done, I need to write a book report on it and Im actually really excited to do it. One of the most profound things Ive learned about myself, which may be obvious to others but was apparently oblivious to me, is that I am responsible for myself, for my own desires, my own behaviors, my own wants and needs. And only I can see them come to pass. Cam is not responsible for me... I am responsible for me! And anger usually results from not taking responsibility for ones self but placing that responsibility on another and blaming the other. So yes... only I am responsible for my health and happiness! Who knew?!

First off, just because I changed the blog name DOES NOT mean Im pregnant! Im not! at least as far as I know Im not! so no jumping to conclusions here!... please. No baby Stehr, at least its not in the plans anytime soon. Cam and I both kinda just came up with a new name, I didn't really like the other name, and Im not convinced that this is a good one either. It'll do for now though.

So whats been up lately!? School is going really good. I am actually learning a whole lot in my conflict management class. It is such an eye opener to some of the conflict I have experienced over this past year (and more). The serious, heart breaking type of conflict. This is information that every single person should learn and practice. It is amazing how most of it just makes sense, well... until you are living in the conflict and resort back to your habiats. But still... common goals or different goals and percieved interferences are the source to every conflict! yep... its true! If you want to read my text book after Im done with the class, then I will for sure lend it to you. Or call me up for a coffee if you wanna talk about it. However, that text book cost me over a hundred dollars, so I'll want it back! :P

I saw Gay Lynn Voth on Monday! she is one of my former teachers, and one of the best! My first semester of CBC, Cam and I took her theology class and it was AWESOME! I must say that my mind does not think too well when it comes to post-modern stuff and theology. But her ethnics class was incredible and I got a super good grade on that big paper. It was just awesome! Apparently way back I wrote a bit about her on this blog, and well, she found it! heeheehee... so she just was saying how kind it was for me to mention her on my blog and that I said some really nice things. Awwww!!! Gay Lynn I sure hope you come back to campus more often! (if you ever find this blog again!) Her husband is having his last chemo treatment, I don't know what cancer he is suffering from. Please pray for him and his recovery.

I know I must say it a lot, but Im truly MOST happy when Im in the classroom. When Im being educated. I have no idea where that came from, but it is absolutely one of my most favorite things. Even studying for my adult psych tests are so much fun! (minus the tension headaches). You know when you think you've found what you're called to do? Or where you just know you're called to be? I got that when Im in the classroom learning psych and working towards the goal. I dunno... it just consumes me. Kinda strange, yet, kinda completely overwhelming, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Im actually doing really well in psych too... Im getting high A's on my assignments so far! Im just so excited, its hard to explain.

Well... I caved, again! blah! I had some Red Robins tonight and pizza last night. gross Im feeling really ill, I really can't digest high fat food very well. I sure hope that I can get my act together and seriously commit to this thing. I really want to. The thought of me wearing a size eight dress to some of the weddings this summer just makes me smile so big! O, you know, and the health part about it is good too! heehee.

blessings all!

O... and please keep Timmy, my new nephew in your prayers. It's important. Thanks.

PRAISE GOD!!!! our car is now running... Cam and his dad fixed it for under $15! wahooooo... it is totally worth it to have a hubby who loves to tinker with the car. Did NOT know that about him until after we were married. Now, the pile of homework awaits me... a 5 page reflection paper for conflict management (awesome class!), along with studying for the first test in that class as well, a test tomorrow in adult psychology along with reading chapter three and a journal article and answering questions for the following week, as well as a book report and oral presentation for effective teaching along with the required weekly reading, then I need to pick out a journal article myself for adult pscyh and present it to the class. AHHHH!!!! thats lots... and I need to get started on some things due in February so Im ok to go to Ontario. I guess its lots of coffee and staying in the house for this week!

My diet is getting really difficult right now, Its like Im fighting with myself to stay on track... its always hard I think when you try and change. No matter where the change takes place in a persons life... its very easy to resist. But I like what my mom talked to me about... she said that no matter how many times I fall down, its making the decision to stand back up and get back on the right path that matters, that the decisions I make, and the committments I make mean more than the feelings and emotions I experience. I thought that was great advice, no matter what circumstance in life.

so... heres to getting out the yogurt and getting back on track! :)
blessings!

On friday it was my mothers 50th birthday!!! and it was soooo much fun to make her dinner, and even her cake! we had indian food, she wanted something that she never makes, and she never makes indian food! It actually turned out real well... I was very impressed with how everything tasted. And Im glad that she liked it a lot... consdering it was very spicy. I also went to the dollar store to buy a bunch of 50 decorations! so my place was very "festive" for the occasion. Now the decorations are down and waiting for dads 50th in February!


mommy enjoying her time waiting for the rice to cook on the stove! apparently white and brown rice have very different cooking times! hahhahah..... I thought it would just take a few mintues more, turns out that few minutes was a bit bigger! haahahah.... know now for next time.


Here I am trying to make sure the butter chicken is all cooked up and delicious! I always love to throw in some cashews and ripe tomatoes to keep it fresh. Not as good as White Spots, but it was goooooood!


Things otherwise are great! Other than our stupid car not starting, cam and his dad are trying to make it work now. All I wanna do is eat the cake in my fridge and cry cause if we can't get that car started, we're in a real pickle since I need to get to school in Abbostford and we can't afford to fix it at a professional mechanics. Please please PLEASE pray for us! we desperately NEED cam to get back to work soon, and there just isn't some right now.... we have faith, but its definitely being tested. Thanks guys! you're the best!

Being at school right now is like a dream come true! I can't believe how natural it feels for me to sit in the classroom and learn. If you would have told me in highschool that seven years from now I would be in college and about to complete a degree in psychology... I'd probably laugh! Well, and maybe cry a bit. When I was in highschool, I wasn't big on the school thing, I thought I was too stupid and didn't think that science was my "thing". Now, being 24, and being serious about my education and seeing where it could potentially take me, I am completely motivated and have a completely different mindset. I think that in highschool, sometimes we are too immature to understand how valuable education can be. Or, we just don't believe it's our "thing".

Yesterday, while doing my effective teaching homework, I was reading an article on teaching. It was such an inspirational article. Not because I want to teach (I actually don't believe I will, ever!) but because what the author spoke of about his journey through his education helped me to understand mine. When I first got to CBC I thought that my focus was going to be school work and only school work. There are SO many distractions when you live on campus, work a little part-time, visit your family on some weekends and have roomates who become your best of friends. School and the plans you had set out kind of get set on the back burner. Don't get me wrong they are still evident, but none-the-less... are pushed aside when a snow ball fight is happening outside and you have a chapter of psychology to finish reading.

This year is already different, I am taking classes slow with only starting out with the three. I believe that if I acted like this in highschool I would have been a lot more successful, but probably would have also been "the geek". Trying to comfort Cindy at the lunch table on Wednesday about our adult psychology class in proclaiming that "I already read the first two chapters and they are great!". Didn't help out any! Neither for me, or Cindy!

I guess, I feel like when I am in the classroom, when I have the most interesting subjects to read and study... I feel most happy, and most like myself. I feel like I have finally captured apart of me that I never knew existed, and I am thrilled about it. Am I scared about what potential career is out there? Heck yes! but I am confident now in my abilities and I am growing through the process of being educated, and I think thats an incredibly amazing thing. I think I will always strive to learn, and to take classes, no matter what the subject is.

So... here goes nothing! I will give it my all, and I will believe in myself while I finish. I can't wait to wear the blue robe and get that BA! :)

So here is the start of 2010! The first 4 days have been alright, the Christmas decorations have come down, and we have ventured out of the house a few times to use some gift cards and go grocery shopping (the first time in about a month). Like my pal Kortney, I find it kinda corny that when the new year rolls around a bunch of people make resolutions! I will admit though, that I make them too! I actually appreciate making goals, even if they end up forgotten. I find it important in my own life. If I make goals then I feel like there is some sort of direction. If there is direction then I feel like I am making progress in my life.

So... as corny as it is, here are my and our 2010 goals

Nicoles 2010 personal goals:

* finish and succeed in my Sureslim program. This means reaching my goal weight by my birthday, July 5th. And then learning to maintain this weight with a practical strategy I can continue for the rest of my life. This is also to help me get past my emotional eating troubles

* do my best in school and succeed in my classes and assignments. My husband today said that I will do fine and that I always work at each assignment with my full heart and attention. In this goal I will also need to learn to balance my anxiety and not let it get the best of me, especially with the new professor I will have in Adult Psychology. My hope is to graduate CBC with an A average, but we'll have to wait and see if that happens. I won't kill myself over a grade... but I'd like to have options when I graduate.

* be the best wife I can be. This goal is very special to me, its not that I feel like Im a bad wife its just that I know that I can always be better. Specifically to pray for Cameron and support him in all decisions and ventures. As well, to be submissive to him and give up my overwhelming need to control all situations. To give him the space to thrive as the leader of our home and our family, and to hope and pray that he succeeds in living the role that God has laid out for him.

* to be a better friend. This past year I have felt that my life has gotten in the way of my social life. I know that sounds retarded, and yes, I did see majority of my friends regularly. But I feel as though I have not participated as much as I should have in some of my most cherished friendships. I feel as though I have let the stresses of life, circumstances, and distance come between me and opportunities for me to develop even deeper relationships with some of my most beloved friends. I hope this year will bring freedom and a drive for me to invest more of my time and myself into the people I love.

* to find, attend and be apart of a home church and to grow deeper in my relationship and understanding of God.

Stehr family 2010 goals:

* save earnestly for a down payment on a house. We aren't planning to buy in 2010, but we are planning to look, save and research our options in 2010.

* find, attend, and be apart of a home church.

* save earnestly again for a vacation away to a hot destination! This would be intended as a "second honeymoon" for before I get pregnant.

* As Cam stated at our anniversary dinner: "to NOT get pregnant" (the getting pregnant will probably be a goal for 2011/2012)

* maybe we can get a new couch! hahahaha... an ikea couch! Pretty much making our house pretty and getting some pictures on the walls. O, and buy a futon, we really want a futon for our "study"/storage/laundry room.

* to unplug our cable and learn to do other things that don't involve watching tv or being on the computer. Hopefully this will develop opportunities in our marriage and help us thrive in our hobbies that we normally ignore. This however will not effect our Big Bang Theory/House dinner date with Jason and Dave.

so there you have it! our goals for 2010. Im really excited for what this new year is going to bring and what adventures Cam and I are both going to face, together and separate. Landscaping is going to be interesting... and a huge need in prayer that this landscaping year is going to be successful so that our income is successful!

Winnipeg is going to be SO exciting! That trip is going to be so much fun! I am thrilled to have Jessica be apart of our family! She is going to be the next Mrs. Stehr, so I won't be alone! hahahaha.... the trip itself is going to be such a blast and since Cam and I are apart of the wedding party we get to be front row and centre to all the fun!!!!

Actually there are five weddings happening this summer, all people that were at our wedding and all friends that are significant. I have no clue if we're invited to all the weddings, but I know for sure that we're going to two. The friends and the dates? Tanya & Cameron on May 8th, Katherine & Jared on July 17th, Leigh-Ann & Ryan on July 31st, Jessica & Colin on August 14th, and Traci & Dayne on August 21st. Yep, thats a lot!

So this new year, is going to be full of change but hopefully its going to be the kind of year we get to remember on December 31st as one full of fun, love, opportunities and growth.

Bring it on 2010!!!!

so i just finished watching Julie and Julia which i felt was just fantastic! I loooove cooking shows and i loooove chick flicks, so this movie is perfect for me. so, because of this grand movie i decided i should at least blog tonight, although im not nearly as good as julie in the movie and there isn't much i made today to eat, other than pasta bake and garlic bread! mmm....

but then again this is why im blogging too.... tonight. im eager to start another new time in life, where i finally take charge of my eating habiats and get real with my body and my relationship with it. tomorrow marks day one of many... but at the very least it may be one that i hope will lead to full out change. im starting sureslim again, what i thought i wouldn't want to share on here, but after a lot of thought decided that if i at least make it clear on here my intentions then at least i'll HAVE to own up to my words. and well.... prove that i can do it. and prove that im serious about living. which i am.
i went on this plan when my gynecologist right before my surgery told me that i MUST loose weight for my laproscopy (i always spell that wrong, im sure of it) also... i seriously did NOT want to be a fat bride. so, in six weeks and twenty pounds less... my incredible wedding dress fit like a glove (it was ordered too small!) and my gynecologist was pleased and the surgery went very well. but now over a year later ive gained back my weight which I lost for my surgery and more. EWWWW! is right. thank goodness my amazing and incredible husband said he loves me no matter what!
its my new found love to cook and my amazing talent to not give a shit (pardon my language) thats put me in the place im afraid to be but darn good ready to leave. my grandmother died at 75 from heart disease which was caused by many years of being obese and diabetic cause she just didn't give a shit (again, pardon my language) im sooo pissed at her cause she could have made a difference in her life if she would have only ate lettuce instead of butter.... and now im doing the same to my body that she had done to hers and i say "HELL NO!" if im going to die at 75 its cause i got hit by a bus, not because i ate myself into disease.

so here goes nothing... bring it on sureslim! and lets get rid of my fat ass so that i can live long enough to piss off my grandchildren and have a sexy body while i do! heehee!

so those of my friends who read this and invite me out for dinner or over for baking, I LOVE you dearly! but im going to say no, cause this new year for me has to be about getting healthy... and stopping the ulcers and gallbladder diseases from starting. i can have decaf coffee though if you're offering!

loves, and healthy eats :)

WOW! I can't believe that the season, that Christmas has already come and gone, and even my first anniversary has come and gone as well. Firstly, Cam and I had such a romantic Keg dinner and was blessed with cards, phone calls and facebook postings, so thank-you to everyone who wished us a happy anniversary! I was very surprised!
Our technically second Christmas, but first here at home was SO wonderful! It was very different from what I remember being the typical "Kroeker Family Christmas" but thats what happens when you move on, get married and aren't a child anymore! hahah... but I sure was over the top spoiled by both sets of parents and family members so THANK YOU TO ALL! I loooove you dearly. I was even very impressed and proud of my wonderful hubby... who bravely walked into my most favorite store (forever yours lingere) and bought me the most gorgeous piece of sexy silky thing... but the story of how he got it was just as fabulous! hahaha...

Now, in about a week and a half I will be back at CBC and in classes, with homework, tests, papers and STRESS! hahhaha.... its going to be wonderful and surreal to be back and Im not prepared at all! But hopefully sometime this week I will be.
Actually, our plan has changed for the New Year. I will be dropping two of my classes and only keeping three. Those classes will be Adult Psychology, Effective Teaching, and Conflict Management. I will also for the moment, be dropping my plan to graduate with a completed diploma in Intercultural Studies. Maybe later on I will change my mind and complete that, but for now... focusing on my BA is the best choice for Cam and I and our future. So then I will be in classes Monday and Wednesday and then working two days in the week, have my weekends off and an odd day for homework, library studying and errands. I think its the best plan possible and helps us out financially... Where will I be working you ask!? well NOT IGA... I will be landscaping! I know! I know... me.... landscaping!??!?!?! But seriously, I believe fully that after some very sore weeks and lots of blood, sweat and tears (literally!) I will find a way to do it. Its the same money I was making at IGA, and I will be working with my hubby! AND Cam looooves the job, so if I love it too... then maybe something can come of that later in life. Who knows!!??!??!?!? Stehr Landscapers sounds kinda catchy right!? You'd hire us... right!? heehee!

I have come to the point that Im alright with the thought of finishing school a little slower than previously planned, even if that means my Masters as well. I believe that things are going to work out for the good and that as long as I don't throw out my dreams and my desire for education then its going to be okay. I don't want Cam and I to risk financial ruin just cause I demand that I need to get things done "NOW!" thats not right. That goes for the baby plans as well as the buying a house plans. I talked to my amazing aunt and uncle who are relators and said that they would LOVE to help us find a house, they have insane connections that could help us out soooo much here in ways other people our age don't have the luxury of. Im thrilled! A house in BC is not out of our reach! It just will take time, money and lots of hard work. But we're up for the challenge.

We hope and wish that you... (whoever reads this, Im sure only a few!) had a fantastic and wonderful Christmas season! and that you have an incredible New Years as well! we're just sticking around home this year for the 31st and hanging out with my brother, Jared, Katherine and some cigars with brandy! mmmmm..... GOD BLESS! :)

Christmas is my most favorite season of the year! I absolutely LOVE every aspect of Christmas, the purpose/reason, the food, the family affairs, dressing up.... buying gifts for loved ones and seeing their expressions, singing carols, drinking hot chocolate or starbucks treats! its all just magical... it reminds me of my childhood, it reminds me every year what life is about and what family is about. This year however, has been very difficult financially, which was completely expected. But expecting and living things are completely different. Ive never been in the position to be completely financially unsure. My parents have always "taken care of me" and now that its between Cam and I, all the sudden I'm petrified for our future. Expecting a certain type of life, and actually seeing the reality of what my life may look like in five years, or where we are going... I have had to re-adjust my expectations. God is seriously working out in my mind what it means to want and to need, what is realistic and over the top and that maybe the brand new home that would be wonderful, may turn out to be a beautifully "lived in project" cause that would be all we can afford.

We just recently came back from Winnipeg to see Cams sister Michele, her husband Scott and their children Jackie (turing 3) and new baby Ashley (3 months). As well, we were there to see Colin (cams brother) and his fiance Jessica. It was a FABULOUS time! However, very VERY cold! The weather network would call for "-26, but will feel like -32" what the heck!?? Why not just say "-32!" The city of Winnipeg has so much character in the types of buildings there are, all nice and brick and lots of murals all over the place. However, the homes that were around where Mikki and Scott live, were not that fabulous on the outside. Because of the harsh winters, the homes look like the weather.... cold and sad. However, even though the outside looks warn and torn, majority of the homes on the inside are cozy and cute! (I looked through lots of realty magazines and tv) The prices of homes there are laughable compared to BC. Its actually made me cry a few times with how less expensive it really is to live in Winnipeg compared to BC. Im really starting to learn and live out the idea of sacrifice. Live here, maybe be able to afford a townhome and be near my family and love the land, weather and community... OR... live in Winnipeg, leave my family, have the perfect home, let our money go a lot further and deal with the harsh winters. Its a hard toss up... does Cam wish to move!?? No way! but the reality of the situation may be that we may be better off there. I have no idea.

Holding Ashley made me seriously want to have children like... now! hahahaah.... she is the most precious and adorable baby girl. but so is Jackie too! to chase her around and give her hugs and try to help her learn about the potty! it was just such a peek into what my future could hold.... and I LOVED it. I had Ashley on my bed almost every morning when Mikki drove Scott to work, it was so special to just have that time holding her and watching her kick, smile and be a happy, adorable baby. I would pick Ashley up more than once and just keep her in my arms for hours, until she needed a feeding. I learned how to keep her quiet while she screamed cause of gas (the football hold and rocking!) and even changed her a few times! I can't wait to visit Jen (cams other pregnant sister) and Dan and their going to be brand new baby boy in Feburary and want babies all over again!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! if I don't post again before then.

O... and Cam and I, thanks to my parents, are going to have the most fabulous anniversary meal and date night tomorrow! I can't believe its been a year already. Man has time passed very very quickly!

lately, life has been GOOOOOOOD! I have been off work for a month already! can you believe it? thats just so crazy! and I haven't looked back. I do not regret quitting, it was absolutely the best move for me! Since learning that I do not have gallbladder disease, Ive been eating MUCH more healthy, and Ive been making better choices. I haven't seen such a big difference on the scale yet, but that will come. Im not going to rush the process... Im just going to take my time so I succeed. Ive been going to massage therapy which has helped so much with my headaches, so thats just perfect that Ive found something thats affordable and perfect for fixing that all consuming problem of migraines.

something that really touched my heart this week was a post that I read on my friends blog. This particular friend has also suffered from Endometriosis and has helped me through my journey of appointments, discovery and surgery. There are times that I forget the process even happened, and then there are times that I very much remember the pain, the actual surgery and feel the scars on my stomach. I remember dr. williams saying that after two surgeries there shouldn't be a third due to scar tissue, and that there is a 30% chance of Endo returning after it has been removed. I also remember the claim that pregancy at most times "cures" Endo. But now I read off my friends blog that she believes her Endo has returned! and she has had two surgeries with dr. williams and had a daughter last year (babies born of Endo sufferers I believe are miracles due to the percentage of infertility associated with the disease). And if you haven't experienced the pain and anguish of Endo, then you really have no way of understanding how devestating this is for her. Please keep her in your prayers as she trys to get answers and help. I hope that above all else, God will cure her and bring her peace and strength to deal with this once again. It keeps me on the look out for myself that mine doesn't return.

Yesterday cam and I put our Christmas tree up! and our lights around our front window.... since we don't have a place to put up lights outside so ppl will see at the front of the house (last year we had a balcony) we decided that the window will be our focal point. Im not sure the tenants before us were this "creative" with the space. Our landlords seem pleasantly surprised by our constant decorating and use of their basement, and our patio.
I'll post a photo later if I remember.

T-minus 13 days until we leave on a jet plane for winnipeg!!!! wahoooo!!!! I have most of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped, cards almost completed and some of my baking done! Im ahead of the game. Lots to do before we go, but Im SO excited for a little mini winter vacation.
Im still looking and hoping that we can get a killer deal to go to Ontario in February to see Jen and Dan, Addie and the new baby boy they have coming in January!

O... update on Cams work. please please please pray for us! that Cam gets steady jobs until Winnipeg and then right back into it for January! Work has been soooo slow this summer, and now all the sudden its almost stopped. we're worried, but know, believe, and understand that God is our provider.

take care! :)

so.. today was the day! i went to see the doctor this morning... and what was the verdict? NO GALLBLADDER DISEASE! no stones! no surgery needed! nothing wrong! hahahaha, I had my mother come in the room with me (yes! sometimes I just need my mommy, even at 24). but mostly it was because I was expecting to be referred to a gallbladder specialist/surgeon. I was expecting to be given a lot of info at one time so I wanted another set of ears in the room with me to absorb all the bad news. But I instead sat there stunned at the lack of information, and the YOU ARE OKAY statement took me for a loop! It must of been aparent in my eyes... cause I was like... really!? Im okay? honestly!? seriously!? what do I do now!? hahaha.... Ive been getting used to there always being something wrong, when instead, now I need to stand strong and own the fact that nothing is wrong, and nothing has to be wrong. Im fine! I might have anxiety and heartburn which is causing discomfort, but thats about it!! so what now!? Loose weight! thats the advice from the doc, and excercise. So! by golly, thats what I will do, and I will be happy and glad to do it. I'll do anything if it means I don't need to be put under again!

so... today... I left the doctors office VERY happy! And yesterday I visited IGA... and left, VERY happy! Ive lately, just been soooooo happy, and sooooo excited for life, and so content in all things, learning a LOT from God and building my relationship with Him, with my husband and with myself. Things are GOOD!

Im excited for Christmas this year! Im extatic to visit Winnipeg to see my sister and brother in laws and my nieces! Im getting my hair cut again tomorrow with some foils too!, so I'll be sexy again! hahahah... Im going to now wrap some Christmas gifts, put up some fun snow flakes and write some Christmas cards! O.. and Ive been fully enjoying my Walmart adventures with my mom this past week! hahaha... Im becoming a very BIG fan of Walmart sales, its perfect for buying gifts to spoil my nieces with! (and soon to be nephew)

LOVES, happiness, smiles and hot cocoa!
Nicole.

this past couple of months have been really stressful again, ive been going through the process with my doctor of trying to figure out why it has been so painful to breathe deeply, and why after certain meals, my chest would just HURT! so... sitting in the doctors office last week, my test results from the ultra sound came in. And?! well, no results that day! GAH! seriously!? i was lectured again in regards to my eating habiats, and was sent home without any real answers. its just been SO confusing these past couple weeks, trying to research and understand whats going on in my body without knowing for sure. And since ive gone through IBS (still am) and the Endometriosis, all effecting what im supposed to eat and not eat, this has begun the all confusing game again of "what to eat and not eat" its just the MOST confusing thing in the whole world to be staring in the fridge and not understanding what to do.... it makes me cry most days! i even told the doc how helpless i feel in this department. he said to eat salads without dressing and no fast food.... FUN! hahhaha... what help! :)

this Friday is when i get to go back, sit down and hear for sure whether or not my test results reveal anything worth discussing.... but last week the doc said that if its gallstones then they won't go away with just diet... but that I HAVE to go on a specific diet regardless to control my symptoms, he said we will address stones when we get the results back but i know what that means... surgery!!!! im not even sure how i feel yet about it.... right now, just confused and helpless and since thats the case, im not doing very well in eating what im being told to eat. im not sure what my problem is... but i did tell cam that this is number three! im just twenty four years old and ive already been through three seperate health issues. this being the third, whatever it is. GAH! it makes me really sad.. yet it makes me really mad at myself too, since gall bladder disease is something that you could theoretically stop yourself. it develops from eating too fatty, not taking care of yourself and if family members have it, you're likly to develop it too.

the doctor once again made it clear that i have to loose weight and finally keep it off. im not sure how to do it this time though... i need to loose quickly again, like i did when i had endo, but im not convinced that SureSlim is the answer this time since i have to stay away from animal fats, cheese and full fat dairy, oils and consume a LOT more veggies and fruit.

im honestly just venting, this blog is more like journal entries... thanks for listening! ill let cha all know whats going on, once im done at the doctors office friday. im nervous.

cheers!

so on monday i went to CBC and it was fabulous to be back! i went into my meeting with Erv with all the positive energy possible. he said that ive completed 73 credits which translates to two complete years of school, and in total i need 129 credits to graduate with the degrees i want. we scheduled out the plan for me graduating and figured out that with just 3 extra credit hours i can actually graduate with both a BA in caregiving/counseling AND a diploma in intercultural studies which is the program i actually started taking at CBC way back in January of 2006. im sooooo thrilled that i can actually leave the school with a degree in ICS as well, its very exciting for me because i hope to be involved in short term missions trips so that type of education is important to me. so when all is said and done, April 2011 i will be walking across the stage in BLUE... then completeing my internship that summer. when i leave CBC i will have a diploma & BA in caregiving & counseling and then a diploma in intercultural studies.

i have been hard core thinking and praying about what is the best possible path for me in regards to a masters degree and the point of time to have children. i think my friends, parents and even cam are humoured by my planning. it just gives me peace to know what the plan is.... to know where im headed and what i want to achieve. im not so calm with the "spontaneous" plan. i feel that finishing a masters degree before children is the best path for me. i will be looking into Trinity Westerns counseling degrees for September 2011... and then would be thrilled if once i graduate with my masters i would be pregnant and ready for family!

my classes this january are going to be HARD! hahahaha... its third year for me so the tough psych classes are coming! where I can't just "wing" it anymore, not that i did all the time anyways.
Adult psychology
Abnormal psychology
Intro to conflict management
Effective teaching (SO SCARED for this class)
World religions

then in late April, after those are done I will be in
Gospel of John
Sexual Ethics
both classes are out the end of April, so they are full time, 5 days a week, like 8 hours a day classes... eeeeekkkk!

Life is looking fantastic these days, and Im preparing the house to go full out Christmas this year! Last year there was the wedding, full time work and the move to Langley by my parents so Christmas was pushed aside by the chaos of life. This year I am SO HAPPY to share that Cam has work up until our Winnipeg trip December 6th, which is the BEST blessing! And so we will both be off work for Christmas, so will my brother Jason... and so far both sets of parents are sticking around BC. So we get a real Christmas this year. And our anniversary, which is coming up FAST, Cam suggested going up to Grouse Mountain for the ice skating and a very romantic dinner. Im excited to make that an anniversary tradition.

well... thats all the fun thats going on lately! Im going to start christmas baking next week! I promised Cam that I wouldn't start the Christmas stuff until November 1st. heehee... and we agreed that the tree can't go up until mid November so I don't go overboard. Mom and I are going Christmas decor shopping tomorrow! hahaha... and I get to see Karen Roeck and Kate today! yipppeeee, and then when the hubbies are off work we're all having dinner together. I can't wait. I think Aaron and Cam are going to hit it off really well.... Its nice to actually go to friends places now with Cam, instead of always having to try to make things work around IGA.

Wow, this is long, and I am thristy!
happy reading...

so im sitting here, watching tv, relaxing and enjoying a very nice glass of rosea wine, which is my favorite... with a little licorice treat. im celebrating the fact that tonight, at 9pm i left the store IGA in my uniform, finishing my last ever shift. and it was definitely bittersweet. i got a boquet of flowers and a card which was super sweet of the girls to put together... and amanda helped me take down the ad, as we talked in the aisles before she left. i got lots of hugs today! which i LOVE and yesterday i almost cried when i said goodbye to whitney and angela.

when i thought of leaving IGA, i only thought about leaving the job. then yesterday happened and i realised, im not just leaving a job... im leaving friendships. its necessary for me to leave. and i know from lots of prayer, that taking these next 9 weeks off before full time school hits, is neccessary too! and vitally important for my health. so...... im taking it in strides, and today, as i stood here infront of my husband, i took a deep breath in and said "im back!"

lately, ive felt like my life has been consumed by only work and i haven't had time to do the things that ive needed to do to foster my abilities, and my gifts. i haven't been to church in over a year in a half!!! can you believe it?? and when what brought you idenity, you're no longer involved in.... when your a christian and your maker gives you your life, and you stop talking to Him.... everything in yourself and life comes crashing down, and you feel so very confused, and so very much NOT like yourself. that is what happened to me. i realised that i allowed myself to be trapped in this very very dark, angry, frustrating place. and finally... ive allowed myself to walk out of that prision and kneel at the cross. im going to Fraserview tomorrow with my family and Cam. To not only see my grandparents but to be joyful in hearing the word. I am extactic to finally get involved again in church.

what else am i extatic about!? the conversation that Cam and I just had recently... about our future, about having children and after im done at CBC, when i will go for a masters degree. its something that Im going to have to decide, and with some counsel from professors who have gone through the same decisions, some long and hard prayer, and a lot more long talks with Cam and probably even my mother, to decide on the fate of my career... a decision will be made. but right now, Im seriously torn. what do i do once CBC is done?! kids!? YES! please! and Cam and I have decided too that once we start we won't finish until we're done for good! so what does that mean exactly!? have one, then wait a year, have another, wait a year, have another wait a year and maybe have a fourth! It will be HARD for a while and I might actually go crazy! heehee, but we're going to have me stay at home full time and be there for our children and live off one income. My plan is... if one is in diapers, then might as well have two in diapers! if one is up at 2 in the morning screaming, might as well have two up in the morning screaming! heehee.... I know, Im crazy... and I know... "once she has her first she will feel differently" ummmm.... I honestly don't think so! hahahahaha....

but then its.... do I go for a masters degree before children (masters takes two years) and then after graduation, have my first baby.... but then I won't pracitce/counsel for like four/five years! or.... I could wait until my youngest is in grade one, go to school full time while my kids are in school and then graduate and start counseling in my mid thirties. The later plan is probably going to be the one I go for.... I have no idea that at that point if I will even be up for it. hahaha, I think so though, I have such a passion for school and educating myself as well as having a career. Its hard though, the passion I have for having children is just a little bit more prominent than my passion to have a counseling career. its a hard decision to make with what passion to follow right away... but because of my Endo, my ovaries aren't "24" they are "31" as my gyno had said, so if I want kids, the younger I have them... the better!

well... this is long and full of my hopes and dreams I guess!
take care y'all, Im going to finish my wine and dig into my licorice! yuuuuuuumy!
xoxoxox

Its bittersweet to me that this saturday is my last day at Marketplace IGA, Im honestly sad to leave some of my co-workers, Ive grown close to Anglea, Whitney, Amanda. These past couple of months have finally felt like home there at the store, unfortunately, things like this never last and it is definitely time for me to move on.

Im excited for my time off! I seriously need it. Im very very eager to start baking, cleaning/organizing our place, paint, see my friends I wasn't able to see before. Im so glad to have my weekends back and especially my Sundays! Cam and I have agreed that we will start attending the free evangelical church in Langley and are happy that friends attend there so it will be easier to become involved.

Also I am EXTATIC to start attending CBC again, I know that like each year, the campus is very very different since the last time I attended. But its going to be AMAZING to be back there. Hanging out with my friends that I miss and attending the classes that I am soooo excited to start studying for! (yep! I am seriously excited to study) Its going to be GOOD.

I can't believe also that last week (the 15th) marked one year since my endometriosis surgery. I have not had to take pills other than the occassional advil for cramps this whole year which is actually amazing for me. I have not had any problems what-so-ever regarding my endo, it is so far... gone for good! and PRAISE GOD for that.

Off to bed for me! Im wiped, made home-made pizza for the hubby and brother tonight. I need to sleep now for day four of five left at work.

wahoooo! I booked my ultrasound for November 3rd! Im thrilled that I can get in so soon, considering most waiting lists for tests Ive been on are like one-three months long. This should be good, and interesting. I did a little "test" today at work, I didn't bring my lunch and ate really high fat food. Like an egg salad sandwhich and chocolate bar, it was yummy! But I wanted to see what would happen afterwards, I mean, according to the doc and what I was reading last night. The pain that Ive been experiencing, if gallbladder pain, should be focused after eating, under my right ribcage and would be throbbing, etc... and YEP! wow it hurt... A LOT! so Im going to try and keep experimenting while waiting for my test, on different kinds of food, mainly meats, dairy products and wheat. And keep a journal and see what I can do... I mean, if it is gallstones and I can control it with diet, that might mean no surgery in the future. If that is even what may happen. I just want to see if I can control it with what I eat.... or, well, not eat.

but yipppeee.... ultra sound in three weeks! :)

AND.... CAM GOT OUT OF JURY DUTY! PRAISE GOD! its such an answer to prayer, so thank you to all who have put in a little "dear God, please..." for us, we appreciate it so much!

smiles and yawns

well.... I went to see my doctor today! I got a refill on my birth control which was much needed, and had a good talk with the doc. Im becoming very impressed with him, he misdiagnosed my endo for so many years so that made me so upset and unwilling to see him. Until all this stuff started to happen.

Anyways, so what went on? I have a form of rosacea its primarily on my left cheek, but it will most likly get worse and spread, depending on how soon I can find creams and oils to control it. My mother has it, and Ive apparently had it for about two/three years but didn't know what it was until it start to seriously flare up due to the hormones in this particular birth control. Thank goodness I caught it now, Im experimenting with creams... it should be interesting. There is no cure or magic cream to get rid of it... but Im okay with having it. My mom has had it all my life, so Ive seen her learn to control it and cover it with make-up so I will too.

what else? good news! my GI Tract test came back completely normal! YIPPEEE!!! so that was a praise to God. But the bad news now, is that Im going in for an ultra sound of my Gallbladder, he thinks that I have Gall stones, and that Im suffering from a combination of Gallbladder attacks and panic/anxiety attacks. So we're going to find out whether or not that is the cause, Ive been researching all day to see if it fits from the info Im finding online, and it does. Perfectly! So, it may mean surgery, but we'll wait to see. Ive found some diets that sound helpful so I will try that out and see what I can do to stop the attacks. They last for hours!

Its funny, my mother also had Gallbladder attacks and Gall stones and had surgery to remove her Gallbladder, so this doesn't scare me at all. I actually will have complete peace if this is the problem cause Ive seen my mother deal with it, I KNOW that I can too... it just means that I need to get smart and take care of myself and do what I need to do to get healthy, cause a sick Gallbladder is NOT fun.

so thats the update! its good and bad news, but I honeslty feel completely at peace with pursuing the possibility of these diagnosis'

thanks to everyone for their prayers during this very confusing and painful time in my life!
loves and smiles :)

just a quick one before Cam and I are off to our date night movie (toy story double feature!) this is a very BIG prayer request, please please please. Im actually not even nervous about it... there is a lot of peace, espeically since Ive previously been worrying about everything and its completely out of my control.

But Cam has been summoned for Jury Duty, he faxed in a letter stating how its going to dramatically hurt us financially which it ABSOLUTELY WILL! so please pray that he is either excused, or else the trial that he is assigned to, if chosen... will be quick.

thanks lots and lots
smiles, and pumpkin smells (i got this wonderful candle thats been burning all day long! yummy)

colie.