calming my mind, labor prep!

It truly is remarkable how the mind can control the body. I've experienced this before in my vulvodynia treatment, in my never ending years as an IBS sufferer and now as I await my baby being born. The mind is a force to be reckoned with and can absolutely control the body's functions, for the better or worse.

I previously stated in my earlier blog post how I stared at my ultrasound picture on Friday and bawled and then things started happening. Well, my doula in her infinite wisdom suggested I do an exercise where I sit and go through (visually) my entire labor and identify fears out loud and release them. Now, you might think that sounds goofy, or "new age", but if you've never sat with yourself and truly identified what's going on in your mind, then you're missing out on an incredible self discovery.

I highly encourage any woman who is going through pregnancy and is afraid of various aspects of the experience to sit down with herself and picture her baby, what her life will be like with her child and what she anticipates at her labor and birth. Whenever there is a point of hesitation or tears then talk out that fear and release it's power over you. I know for myself that it's done nothing but positive things. Take a look at my picture below.


Bubba dropped!!!!! Like seriously shoved itself into position and is now what my doctor calls "engaged". All due to calm, relaxed, meditation on Friday night, releasing fears and accepting what is to come.

Last night after an hour of visualization I immediately started having cramping like I've never felt before. It was a reassurance that my body and baby know what they're doing and my mind needs to follow suit and stop getting in the way. I woke up this morning and immediately repeated the process, more fears were identified and released and I feel more than ready! I'm confident that this baby will be born soon and I'm quite excited to witness my body doing exactly what it's been created to do. As I sit here and type my cramps are once again getting stronger, my mind is at peace with the process and my stomach is saying "Cheerios!" (Which is my cue to go and have my breakfast, excuse me).

So with hopeful anticipation I pray that tomorrow I will post about Bubba and not update my 41 week belly shot. BUT if you do get a belly shot, please know that I'll be meditating away any disappointment and will choose to trust that labor was meant for a different date.
N.

What I've been learning...

I've definitely been learning a lot through this whole labor process. And no... in all technical/medical terms I'm not "officially" in labor yet. BUT I argue that I'm on the outskirts of it happening. Like at any moment my belly could contract and BOOM labor! At least that's how I picture it happening.

What I've learned and what my wonderful doula has taught me, is that labor like a lot of things in life, is a process. Here I thought I'd be hit with contractions out of nowhere, suffer for 12+ hours, push, tear & out comes Bubba! I'm starting to understand that the body gives out SO many warning signs of impending labor that you start to wonder "is it now?" "Now?" "Now?" At least this has been my experience.

Yesterday I was hit with such aggressive movement and pressure I thought for sure Bubba was clawing his way out. One hour after a 1/2 off cream based Starbucks ribbon caramel crunch frapp (YUM!) and I was convinced that either my water was going to break or something was going to start happening. Jason (my brother) drove like a maniac back home and I proceeded to pace the house, press the pressure points and breathe in the most relaxed way I could. I felt stuff happening well past 10:30pm that night only to wake up this morning disappointed that I wasn't in full on active labor. But thrilled to see that Bubba absolutely dropped further in my pelvis! Things are happening, just slower than I thought they would.

But one thing that really stood out to me yesterday, was how anxious I really was to go through this process. So hours before my Starbucks frapp I sat on the floor in my living room and while staring at the ultrasound picture of Bubba I prayed, I bawled, I told myself that I could do it, I talked to Bubba, I pictured my child being born and I let go!! Now every moment that I catch myself thinking negatively, or feeling tension in my body I stop, I breathe deeply, I relax my body and I pray. That experience definitely changed how I now feel about motherhood and especially how I feel emotionally about this birthing process and physically its easier too.

This process truly is an emotional, spiritual and physical one that takes a lot of strength and endurance and I'm not even at the most difficult part yet. When the time does come and go, I'll be sure to come here and share more. I'll want to brag about how my beautiful baby came into the world.

But before that happens, THANK-YOU! To all of my incredible friends and family! For your texts, Facebook messages, phone calls, emails, etc... for your support and encouragement is incredibly appreciated and isn't going unnoticed!!!!!! We are SO blessed by you!

And we can't wait for each and every one of you to meet our precious Bubba!

N.

40 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 40 weeks pregnant! I MADE IT! 😃

Size of baby: pumpkin
(19 - 22 inches & 6 - 9 pounds)

Yah, there's no way this child is 6 lbs. That was proven by the ultrasound, I'm quite sure that Bub's will be around the 9 lb mark.

Weight gain/loss: DAMN YOU WET WEIGHT!!! still swollen, still have lots of water weighing me down. BUT, today I lost 3lbs! YES! SO happy! that puts me at a gain of around 30lbs with approximately 8-10 of it being water & another 8-9 of it being Bubba!

Maternity clothes: I'm wearing my new sports bras every day now. I love them! They're SO comfy & I just need comfy right now.

Movement: so much movement! Still lots of kicks in my rib cage, this baby must be loooong cause head is down but still not engaged & feet are in my lungs.

Sleep: I'm waking up a lot still but I've just got to get used to it. I'm still snoring but I'm sure that'll change once baby is out.

Cravings: chocolate ice cream with bananas! YUM! Oh and every type of fruit I can consume. AND salt/original chips. Don't worry, my sugar numbers are still good!

Symptoms: DAMN YOU WET WEIGHT!!!! Stupid swelling all over my stupid body & in my stupid feet which hurt & my stupid hands that can't make a fist. Oh, & stupid heartburn!
But I loooove my baby belly when it's not in the way 😊

Yep the above still sums it up! Although my spazzing legs are getting more annoying.

Best moment of the week: Cam & I had a fantastic meal at Ocean Park in Langley. It was fabulous! We also walked Campbell valley park on Saturday & crescent beach on Sunday. We didn't succeed in putting me into labor but we did have a really great weekend together just us!

So here we go! Come on Bubba, there are so many people who want to meet you. But most of all your daddy and I want to see you, hug you & kiss your chubby cheeks. The doctor today even touched your head 😊
please! please come out!
N.

nearing the end

This is it... well, not technically RIGHT at this moment, but any second now my body can begin labor. My due date is tomorrow, April 30th (changed from April 24th when I was in my 27th week). So every moment now has the potential to bring on what will begin the most incredible journey of my life, labor and motherhood. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a wee bit freaked!

Not scared for the labor process, I have faith in myself and I believe that my body can accomplish what it was designed to do. Plus I have an amazing doula that will help and an incredibly supportive husband. I also believe that my track record and having had suffered from insanely painful menstural cramps since I was eleven and undiagnosed endometriosis pain for five years gives me an advantage. So when it comes to that "type" of pain, I'm a pro! Obviously it's not the same but I'm sure it's darn close.

So what freaks me out? I'M GOING TO BE A MOMMY! How in the world will I know what to do and when to do it? Yes, I've read books, articles, blogs. I've taken child psychology classes and I've worked in child care for a year and a half before this pregnancy. But I still can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed with the notion/idea of what's to come. I keep asking myself, "will I love it?", "will we bond?", "will this ruin my life?". I know! HORRIBLE things to consider but I'm just being honest here. And I'm sure after my labor I'll come back to this post and wonder how I ever let myself think those things. But the thing is, this is such unknown territory for me and I accept that these crazy thoughts are valid. As long as I don't allow them to take over.

I AM excited!
I AM eager!
I WANT this child!
and having a little bit of apprehension about the whole thing is perfectly normal. Right?!

Well... I'll keep you updated :)
So far I have symptoms that labor is impending, just no contractions yet and I'm thinking that those are the key to getting things started!

Maybe this red leaf tea will help?!
N.

39 weeks + 1 day pregnant!

How far along: 39 weeks + 1 day pregnant! SO close :)
Today was my original due date.

Size of baby: watermelon
(19 - 22 inches & 7 - 9 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: DAMN YOU WET WEIGHT!!! still swollen, still have lots of water weighing me down. I'm looking forward to having Bubba on the outside and seeing the scale go down.

Maternity clothes: Well, I did buy some sports bras from Walmart the other day & they're AWESOME! I wanted something for the hospital so I didn't have to buy a nursing bra & these bras were definitely the right choice.

Movement: I'm feeling a lot of kicks up in my ribs now. I'm being told over & over how long this child is so Bub's dropping really hasn't given me much relief but that's ok. I'm doing movement counts frequently if I feel like Bubba is being a little too quiet. Yesterday at the hospital I had no movement for a solid 30 minutes. It wasn't the ideal time for Bubba to nap.

Sleep: I'm sleeping better again which has been nice! I'm still snoring (sorry Cam!) & I'm still waking up to pee but that's just part of it I guess.

Cravings: I really wanted McDonald's yesterday after being at the hospital for four hours with no food! So I gave in & then felt suuuuuper guilty afterwards :(

Symptoms: DAMN YOU WET WEIGHT!!!! Stupid swelling all over my stupid body & in my stupid feet which hurt & my stupid hands that can't make a fist. Oh, & stupid heartburn!
But I loooove my baby belly when it's not in the way :)

Yep the above still sums it up! Just feeling like a complete fat ass! I've never been this large in my life & that's hard to accept some days. But I get a gorgeous baby out of this experience & I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the whole world.

Best moment of the week: just spending time with friends and family has been great! Hearing my brothers talk about becoming uncles has been so sweet & doing last minute prep has been fun! I'm just ready to become a mommy, I want to meet & hold my baby so badly!

I'm SO close to labor & I'm SO excited. I'm not afraid to birth my baby naturally, I'm SO looking forward for the experience to start! Maybe tonight?! :)
N.

An interesting day (39 weeks pregnant!)

Today was supposed to be a nice lazy day, I woke up around 9 am and slowly got out of bed. Waddled my pregnant self to the kitchen and got some breakfast, things were good!

Then my phone rang and it was my doctor asking me to meet her at triage at the hospital as soon as I could get there. She explained that my blood results came back with an abnormality and they wanted to check me, check Bubba and re-do the blood tests. All as a precautionary of course, but then she said "if we find something then we'll have to do something". I must of gone from cheery to stone cold silent cause she quickly asked if I was ok. I said I was, told her I'd be there in a hour and hung up. But I was honestly in a moment of complete freak out!!

For a second there I thought the worse, but then I pulled myself together and immediately prayed a prayer for calm and handed myself and my baby over to God. I was at peace right in that moment with whatever was to be. I thought to myself, "this could be it! I could be meeting Bubba today! I didn't want it to go this way but as long as we're both safe & healthy, that's all I care about."

I got to the hospital and after a little while I was in a gown and attached to a fetal monitor. I had to pee in a cup, had my blood taken, blood pressure checked, pulse was checked, temperature checked. Everything was done! The nurses there were AMAZING!


I'm SO grateful for my mom, she was with me the whole four hours I was there. Keeping me calm, keeping Cam updated (he was at work), drove me and took care of the parking. THANK-YOU MOM!!!

The tests came back with two higher than normal liver readings but everything else is good. So I was free to go with instructions to go for more blood work on Friday and another blood pressure test on Saturday.

Now... I'm going to concentrate on keeping healthy but I'm also going to walk like crazy, and try to encourage Bubba to come out soon!!!

Thanks for all the love & prayers friends. I appreciate all the support I got today, it meant SO much!
N.

Funny side note: when the nurse measured me she said "whoa, long baby! Having trouble breathing?!" Hahaha! That really put a smile on my face! :)

Camy's birthday is today... so Bubba that's your cue to come any day now!!

Things have drastically changed these last couple weeks. I went from feeling "alright, a little big" to feeling like "get the baby out now!!!". I'm huge! A lot bigger than I anticipated lugging around more weight that I wanted (damn you wet weight!) with a now constant stabbing/stinging pain as though someone karate chopped me in the vagina. I walk so painfully slow these days that even my parents dog is getting annoyed and for the life of me I can't reach the coffee table to get my water bottle anymore. My feet are SO swollen that I'm now officially in flip flops and they hurt so much now when I try to massage them that tears run down my face. I can't sleep either, even moving in bed hurts and the thought that Bubba could come out as a boy and be without a name has me constantly thinking.

I'm now just even more eager to meet Bubba. Jason birthday has past (Bubba's Uncle Po Po) and today was Cameron's birthday, so we're good. Bubba will get his/her own birthday!! YAY!! I'm so very glad!!

So now anytime dear child... don't be like your daddy and take your sweet sweet time. Unless that means you'll sleep great and be as relaxed as can be, because I'm quite okay with that :)

N.


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38 weeks, 9 1/2 months pregnant!!

How far along: 38 weeks pregnant! That's 9 1/2 months, WOW!!!

Size of baby: watermelon
(19 - 22 inches & 7 pounds)

Cam & I saw watermelon at the grocery store the other day & bought one :) that was sure an eye opener to how big baby is.

Weight gain/loss: DAMN YOU WET WEIGHT!!!

Maternity clothes: I don't even have an extra extra large shirt to lounge around in anymore. So I've given up! lol.

I did decide to buy my nursing bras AFTER bubba arrives. This way I get exactly what I want & what fits. I'll just drag Cam & Bubba to the maternity store with me! :)

Movement: surprisingly not as much movement as previous weeks, BUT I hear that's a sign of baby dropping & preparing so I'm ok with that. Bubba seems to love it when I drink cold water, always moves then.

Sleep: I'm exhausted, SO tired! I'm still waking up all the time at night but of course that just comes with pregnancy right?! And poor Cam, I'm still snoring :(

Yep! Above is still all so true.

Cravings: ice cream, candy, lots of fruit still (which I do eat). I'm getting nauseous again a lot so that prevents me from wanting to eat but I think Bubba stretches into my rib cage (good times!).

Symptoms: DAMN YOU WET WEIGHT!!!! Stupid swelling all over my stupid body & in my stupid feet which hurt & my stupid hands that can't make a fist. Oh, & stupid heartburn!
But I loooove my baby belly when it's not in the way :)

Best moment of the week: well.... my aunt Lina who lived in Germany & was 109 1/2 years old had died. That was NOT a good moment, but she's in heaven now & that's good!

My brother Jason had his 26th birthday on the 10th & we went out to dinner & a movie with my family which was really awesome!

And tomorrow is Cameron's 32nd birthday!!!! So maybe Bubba will arrive to say happy birthday to Daddy :)

Yikes! The time, I've got to go to the doc & get my membranes sweeped. Has anyone done that before?? I'm a bit nervous about it, but rather have it done than a medical induction at 41 weeks.

Love!
N.

wet weight

So.... Today I found out the reason behind my sudden crazy unusually high weight gain. The term is apparently "wet weight" and is associated with a stupid amount of swelling. And when I say stupid amount, I really do mean RIDICULOUSLY high amounts of water volume all over my body. Just take a look for yourself (below).


I took that picture tonight at the end of the day, only because I couldn't believe how huge they were. This morning I thought the swelling was bad when I went to the doc but I never imagined it getting THAT bad! This is the worst, but it's okay cause the doc said I'll just end up peeing it all out after Bubba is born. When I told my mom that she just laughed and said that I'll be spending all my time in the hospital bathroom then.

The good in all of this?! I didn't actually gain 8 lbs of real weight in two weeks (yes, HOLY COW!). But instead I just ballooned out because of extra liquid which will go away (the key here is "go away!"). So that's good! I can live with that then. I'll just keep saying "it's not forever" over and over again so I feel better :)

Oh, and today my diabetes doc said I'm doing so well that she insists I only prick ever other day. And since she has no intention of putting me on insulin cause I'm doing so awesome, I'm done with seeing her! So that means no more diabetes visits! Just every other day I've got to prick for my records and to keep myself accountable! I'm really happy that even after having doubts and guilt at times I still managed to do my best and keep my health for my baby!

Not much longer now, but please... no more water retention. I don't think my feet can handle any more liquid!
N.

37 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 37 weeks pregnant! YAY! I made it to full term

Size of baby: watermelon
(19 - 22 inches & 6.5 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: the scale went up again and that is all I'm going to say about it this time.

Maternity clothes: it makes no sense to get anything new now but at my awesome surprise shower my friend Amy got me a couple nursing tops! I'm looking forward to wearing those :)

Movement: still tons of movement! I can see Bub's move around like waves, lots of rolling going on in there. And head butting, this baby LOVES to head butt my "business".

Sleep: I'm exhausted, SO tired! I'm still waking up all the time at night but of course that just comes with pregnancy right?! And poor Cam, I'm still snoring :(

Cravings: carbs, sugar, fruit... I just wanna eat lots of fruit. I REALLY wanted McDonald's today but I stopped myself.


Symptoms: LOTS of swelling in my hands, legs and feet, it's getting harder to bend my knees because of it. I'm getting cramps, "stabby crotch", Braxton Hicks, and tons of pressure. The doctor was not kidding when she said that it just gets more uncomfortable the farther you go, but that's ok! If you take a peek at the picture above you may see why I thought baby dropped, it's lower but not "engaged" yet. Hopefully that happens sooner than later, but I keep telling Bub's to come when he/she's ready.

Best moment of the week: if you read my earlier post then you know my amazing friends threw me a surprise baby shower! It was AWESOME! I had so much fun! I'm SO lucky :)


Another fun thing is we chose outfits for Bubba! I picked the girl ones and Cam picked the boy ones. We'll just have to wait and see which set we get to use!

I also had an ultrasound on the same day as my baby shower. We found out that Bub's is still in the 90th percentile for leg length and currently at approximately 7 lbs 2 ounces (give or take 500 grams). This means babe is average and my GD isn't seriously affecting the growth (YAY!). However, it is measuring at 38 weeks (which would make d-day April 18th) so maybe we'll have an early delivery?! I'm getting membrane sweeps at my next two appointments so we'll just wait and see!

I guess we're going to do Cams birthday celebration early to make sure he gets one (his birthday is April 17th!). At the ultrasound Leigh-Ann (who is the only one who knows the gender) gave us a gift! A GENDER SPECIFIC gift! So Cam immediately hid it on me... But I know that somewhere in my house is a present that will tell me Bubbas gender. It's SO hard not to tear the house apart to find it but I'm doing a good job at resisting :)

Ok, time to nap now, I'm exhausted and Bubba is head butting again!
N.

SURPRISE!!!!

Yesterday evening I went out for a nice dinner with Cam, Nantina and Rachael. Cam needed to take off for youth group so us ladies hung out at the restaurant with plans to head off to Alissa's afterwards. We couldn't be at Alissa's until 7:30pm because apparently Alissa had plans (or so I thought!) so we just took our sweet time at white spot.

I had absolutely NO IDEA what was in store for me when we made it to Alissa's front door. Nan approached and knocked while I proclaimed, "no need to knock, I never knock!". All the sudden the door swung open and there were SO many of my friends, my mom and my mother-in-law yelling "SHOWER" right at me!!!!'

I was SO surprised, SO excited, SOOOOO happy!!!!! It was incredible to have that many people I loved (and who obviously love me) in one room! From all parts of my life too, I had friends from Gracepoint Church, CBC, Langley College, Wind & Tide, etc... It overwhelmed me and I kept thinking to myself "is this happening?!" I keep thinking about that moment with a big smile on my face :)

Bubba and I got SPOILED! The gifts just kept coming, and gosh they were very very cute. We got onesies, booties, toys, books, a nursing pillow, a nursing scarf, socks, blankets, hooded towels, stuffed animals, even two nursing tops for me and more. My nieces and nephew got us the Canuck pacifiers that Cam really wanted too!

There was a cake in the shape of a baby, games to play, yummy food out to eat and adorable decorations. I loved all the belly rubs, hugs and smiles. I was giddy all night long and when I got home I couldn't fall asleep for hours because I was so happy :)

So THANK-YOU THANK-YOU THANK-YOU!!! To my fantastic friends Alissa and Nantina for planning and hosting. To my husband Cameron for helping them and keeping it the best kept secret. And to everyone who attended, I love you all :)

I can't wait for you to meet our precious baby Bubba!
N.

Maternity pictures!

On Easter weekend Cam and I went out to the very same park we did our wedding photo shoot at and met up with my friend Angela. I've known Angela for a VERY long time (since we were babies) and I was thrilled to have stumbled upon her website and notice how amazing she is in her photography skills. Seriously people, this girl is FANTASTIC! She is so much fun and so talented, and has such an incredible vision for the exact style of photography I was looking for.

Cam and I wanted to do a maternity shoot because we believe that this time in our life is very important and we wanted to capture it all in photo memories! I'll hopefully be putting together an album with these photos for Cam and I to keep and then another one for Bubba along with the newborn session photos we'll be getting from Angela too! This way, Bubba has an album for him/herself capturing these moments as well. We're also going to frame a bunch for the house and when you scroll below to take a peek you'll see why I'm going to have the hardest time picking out which ones to frame!

So here are some of my favorite that are on Angelas website! Ella Haus Photography

Now go and click the link and see the rest she has posted as well as all her other work and  hire her for your own photo shoots! I promise she's amazing, you won't be disappointed :)

N.

36 weeks pregnant, NINE months!

How far along: 36 weeks, that's nine months pregnant! One more week and I'll be considered full-term which means Bub's could come at ANY time after April 9th.

Size of baby: large cantaloupe
(19 - 22 inches & 6 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: the scale went up again, 2.6 pound gain. So that's a total gain of 24.4lbs this pregnancy. I was hoping that I would be within a gain of 20-25lbs but I've come to terms with the fact that I might be closer to a 30lb gain instead. I've decided to TRUST my body to gain what it needs as long as I'm eating healthy and moving my body daily. I need to understand that it's not about loosing weight right now or staying a certain weight. It's about the last few weeks of carrying a healthy baby and trusting that I'll be able to be healthy afterwards as well. My body knows what to do, as long as I'm feeding it appropriately. One thing I've definitely learnt through this diabetes process is that I'm absolutely addicted to sugar in every form. Whether it be fruit, carbs, plain sugar, milk sugars (just not milk itself) and I NEED to do something to change that. So that's something I definitely need to work on.

Maternity clothes: I had planned to get a couple nursing bras but after a conversation with my doula I'm thinking of holding off. I'm just not sure what I'll bring to the hospital then?! Hmmm....


Movement: there are times when this babe moves so much that my stomach rolls around like waves, it's crazy!! But since room is running out in my tummy, Bubba is moving less which makes me nervous at times. So when that happens I rub his/her bum (which is always at the top of my belly) and in minutes Bub's starts to move around and I feel better.

Sleep: I can't believe that I've started snoring!! Cams actually recorded me on his phone to prove to me that I'm snoring (sadly, I am).

Cravings: I'd love a good glass of wine or a gin & tonic with lime :)
But of course I'll wait to satisfy that craving.

Symptoms: I thought I wouldn't suffer the swollen hands and feet but I was sadly mistaken. My hands are huge and often hurt while I try to make a fist. My feet are also puffy and now my socks and Tom shoes make imprints. It's okay though, soon I will have a baby and my body will heal and go back to normal.

Best moment of the week: Easter was fabulous this year! My grandma gave us a knitted blanket that she's had made and wrapped for two years!!! She said she was just waiting for her first great grandchild. My whole family is thrilled to be welcoming this baby in the family :)

Can you believe that it's April 2nd?! You know what that means? I might have a baby this month! WOW!

Happy Tuesday
N.

getting closer :)

So I haven't really updated anything other than my belly (which is still getting bigger by the way!). Bubba's room is coming along very nicely, we've received and assembled the gliding chair. The storage for clothes and things is done in the closet and we're just trying to figure out shelving. Grandma Stehr (cams mom) has made Bubba's curtains and is finishing his/her baby blanket for the crib. The car seat is out and awaiting a cleaning so it can go into the car this week. My hospital bag is on the dresser awaiting a few more items before its ready to go! And the cradle has been moved from the garage to our living room for Bubba's nap times. Equipped with a mattress, sheet and soft blanket.





Yesterday we had our maternity photo shoot done by a friend of mine who is SO talented and has started her own business.
Check out her website here:
http://www.ellahausphotography.com/
So we are very excited about that! Angela will also be doing our newborn photo shoot when Bubba gets here.

I've been feeling good lately, I am very grateful for an amazing husband, parents, family and a fabulous doula! My doctors are AMAZING! And I can't wait for this little one to make an appearance. Not only do I finally feel ready enough in terms of preparation in our home for Bubba to be here. But I feel ready emotionally to take on the beautiful challenge of labor and birth my child naturally.


SO swollen!!! hands & feet :)

I must say; it is imperative that I keep my mind focused on positivity and my absolute natural ability to labor without meds. I hope and wish that friends and family will continue to support me by agreeing to be positive alongside me. Thank-you!

Happy Easter everyone! We've had a fabulous weekend and look forward to spring and all it has in store!

Until Tuesday :)
N.

35 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 35 weeks! Next week I'll be 9 months pregnant.

Size of baby: large cantaloupe
(19 - 22 inches & 5.5 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: the scale went up again, 3.2 pound gain. So that's a total gain of 21.8lbs this pregnancy. I honestly had a really hard time with this number this morning. I've been having a tough time with the whole weight gain process in general. The only explanation other then baby growing is the sudden increase of dairy I've been consuming. I feel the need to do some extra pricking to keep me accountable.

Maternity clothes: nothing new, nothing to update. My jeans are getting uncomfortable so I'm in my tights a lot.

Movement: so much movement! This baby is very very active and I'm now feeling the hiccups on a regular basis which is a lot of fun.

Sleep: some nights it's great, other nights not so much. So it's just depending on my exhaustion level and my heartburn. I'm giving up on the pregnancy pillow most nights and my trick is to massage my feet before bed to try and avoid the spasms.

Cravings: something to drink other than water & raspberry leaf tea. I get carbonated water but it would be nice to have a great glass of wine or juice.

Symptoms: lately I've had huge swollen feet and hands. It's horrible!! (could be contributing to my crazy weight gain). I'm VERY hormonal and quite sad, that's been hard considering I really am happy in life. I'm still nauseous on occasion and just feel REALLY really big at all times. I'm actually measuring 38 weeks but that's partly because Bubba hasn't dropped yet.

Best moment of the week: seeing David & Carley Iwai last night was great! We got our gliding chair delivered today, my taxes are finally done (yes!), we got a couple "to-do's" crossed our list and we fine tuned our baby name choices. So progress is being made and I'm glad for that.

Tonight I need a relaxing warm bath to pray and get things sorted out in my crazy prego mind.

Until next time :)
N.

simply uncomfortable

You know that time in pregnancy where your "baggy" shirts become tight, you feel absolutely enormous and bloated and you're out of breath after just walking up one flight of stairs? Yep! That's where I am about now... It hit me recently like a sack of bricks! Just BAM!

I am definitely looking forward to labor and holding this baby in my arms. I'm ready! Did you hear me Bubba? Mammas ready, so you can come anytime now! But I guess we should wait until full term, so anytime after April 9th okay sweetheart?!

N.

34 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 34 weeks! 8 1/2 months, wow it's gone by so fast.

Size of baby: pineapple (19-22 inches & 4.9 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: I was scared of the scale this morning, I know my belly got bigger (I can just feel it) so naturally I thought I gained big again. Yet, the scale went down a tiny bit! Just by 0.2lbs but that's ok by me. So that's a total gain of 18.6lbs this pregnancy.

Maternity clothes: I keep trying to put new outfits together, my tights are still the BEST!

Movement: babe was moving a lot when I was baking cam cookies this afternoon :) I think Bubba also enjoyed my raspberry leaf tea this morning! (and yes I got the go ahead from my dula to drink the tea)

Sleep: it's still a struggle for me to get a full nights sleep but I'm surviving and allowing myself to just be lazy on days that I need it (like today) without any guilt. Also, Zantac is AWESOME!

Cravings: I still want candy, ice-cream & all the Easter goodies that are out. Especially paska! Mmmmmmm..... paska!

Symptoms: legs that spaz, Braxton hicks, cramps... you know, the usual third trimester stuff. It's ok though because soon I'll have my gorgeous babe in my arms.

Best moment of the week: I'm honestly not sure, I had some great days spent with my mom this week. Cam and I went to ikea and bought stuff for the house to make it feel more like home. I saw a friend yesterday who I haven't seen in a while which was SO fun! Things are going great, I'm really happy! & I'm really excited!

Happy Tuesday!
N.

33 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 33 weeks!

Size of baby: honey dew
(19 inches & 4 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: the scale went up again, 3 pound gain. So that's a total gain of 18.8lbs this pregnancy. I honestly FREAKED! That's a big gain and I had no idea why until it dawned on me that I've been eating extra everyday cause Bubba is pushing up on my stomach causing me some serious heartburn and nausea. I've been eating to try and make the uncomfortable feeling go away. I'm going to definitely be tracking my food intake again to make sure I don't jump that next time.

Maternity clothes: nothing new, I checked a couple stores today but just felt like I couldn't make any decisions so I left it. I need nursing bras but will wait until I'm 36-37 weeks before I get a few.


Movement: so much movement! This baby is very active and I LOVE it :)

Sleep: I feel really tired a lot of the time so I must be waking up often during the night. The heartburn really gets me at night but the doc today told me to start taking Zantac twice a day, so I'm starting that tomorrow.

Cravings: Cam made cookies again a couple days ago, need I say more?

Symptoms: the heartburn and nausea is the worst right now. I'm still struggling to keep my eating under control so that my sugar readings stay low. And my legs freak out on a regular basis, that's the worst when I just want to sleep or relax on the couch.

Best moment of the week: meeting with Kortney (our dula) and going over a bunch of stuff concerning the labor and what I can expect will/might happen.


This pic was taken in the elevator on our way to see Kortney! Cam took it and he was pretty excited about it! Can you see him??

Until next time :)
N.

I can do it!

Tonight I'm seeing my dula and I'm very excited about it! I'm really fortunate to have a dula who is also my friend. She's been a friend since early high school, I never thought (back then) that she'd be present with me at the birth of my first child. But I am incredibly thankful that she will be. I feel very strongly that I'll need the extra support and just knowing that I'll have a team helps my anxieties.

Now that I'm at 32 weeks pregnant the reality that labor is on its way has really started to sink in. I'm beginning to understand that it has a lot to do with ones mentality. That if I believe I can do it and make it through then I will. If I believe that my body has been created to do this, then I can put my trust in my natural abilities. I haven't done Lamaze or yoga, I didn't want to (in all honesty). Prayer has always been my source of strength, no matter my circumstance I have prayed through everything. I know I can search within and pray through this experience as well. And with the guidance of my dula I can figure out what will work for me. Don't get me wrong, I know that prayer won't make my pain magically go away. I also don't believe that God will suddenly make things easier, even if I beg. But I believe that it'll be what helps me focus and for me that's what matters.

At this time however, I feel very unprepared for labor and I'm not sure why. If it started today I may start freaking out!! Maybe it's because I keep coming across in my researching/reading how women should be going to Lamaze, yoga and practice breathing techniques but I haven't done any of that. Maybe it's because I'm nervous, I know it's going to hurt and I want to do it all without drugs but I don't know how I'll be able to handle it. I remember my menstrual cramps before my surgery, they HURT! BAD! And I'm expecting labor to basically be like that, but with the end result of pushing out a baby. I know I'll need lots of encouragement and positive feedback to succeed and not crumble under the pain.

So maybe I should just start saying "I can do it!" "I can deliver Bubba!" "I have the ability to birth my baby" "I believe that I have the strength" "I'm capable!"

Because I am!

N.

32 weeks pregnant!

Technically this photo was taken yesterday but I really liked what I was wearing so I took a picture!

How far along: 32 weeks pregnant! That's EIGHT months!

Size of baby: head of lettuce
(18.5 inches & 3.9 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: the scale finally went up again, 2 pound gain. So that's a total gain of 15.8lbs this pregnancy. As long as I stick to a 20-25lb gain in total then I'll be a happy girl! Seems as though the dietician I need to see for my diabetes is ALWAYS more concerned about my weight than my doctor and I. It's rather frustrating since I'm doing my best and by golly I thought I was doing quite well! I'm really not all that worried about it.

Maternity clothes: I bought pregnancy tights... they are THE BEST EVER!!! Every pregnant woman needs pregnancy tights & pregnancy underwear, they are equally amazing!

Movement: lots of movement, it's "violent" movements too! Not just pretty fluttering/rolling type sensations anymore. My belly moves around and I can feel that there is an actual baby in there.

Sleep: did you know that pregnancy insomnia is an actual thing that affects 70% of pregnant women? Yah, neither did I until I stopped falling asleep at night because my leg started freaking out and my heartburn went crazy out of control. Then once I do finally get to sleep I inevitably wake up an hour after to pee!

Cravings: Cam made cookies last week, so now when I'm home at lunch all I think about is chocolate chip cookies. And 5 cent candies, I REALLY want candy!

Symptoms: my diabetes machine is apparently fine and after I started paying much closer attention to the way I was handling how I pricked, my numbers went significantly down!! Therefore, my doc said I can prick less!!!! Like every OTHER day! So I'm much better with what I'm eating, when I'm eating and how much. Plus, I'm walking every single day for like a hour.

Best moment of the week: my amazing bible study friends threw me a baby shower last night! We chatted about a whole bunch of baby stuff, ate great food, they gave me amazing gifts and crowded around me to pray! I felt incredibly loved and blessed! THANK-you :)

*yawn* I'm tired, nap time!
N.

31 weeks pregnant!

Just one photo this week! I liked this one the best :)

How far along: 31 weeks pregnant!

Size of baby: head of lettuce
(18 inches & 3.2 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: once again, no change this week! so a total gain of 13.8lbs this pregnancy. As long as I stick to a 20-25lb gain in total then I'll be a happy girl!

Maternity clothes: my lovely friend Karen who had a baby boy recently (congrats again!) let me borrow a bunch of her maternity clothes! THANK-YOU!

Movement: I am absolutely loving the movement, it's so strong! Bubba's even taken to shoving its bum into my diaphragm causing pain at times (yippee!).

Sleep: I DESPISE PREGNANCY PILLOWS!! And yes, ALL of them! My chiropractor says I need one and I can tell the difference in my back pain when I say F**K it at night and don't sleep with one but it's waking me up all the time cause I like moving around. Also I'm getting heartburn the moment I lay flat in bed... which is awesome! lol.

Cravings: Mexican food... Mmmm, burritos!!! And 5 cent candies, the sugary kind. I want candy SO BAD!

Symptoms: diabetes SUCKS!!! but I think I'm doing it wrong or my machine is messed up. I'm getting high numbers but then I'll check again right away and I'll get a different number (like 0.5 less or more) right afterwards. SO frustrating and I'm feeling on & off crappy about it. I do NOT want to go on insulin.

Best moment of the week: meeting my friend Karens new baby boy Ben and thinking to myself "I know I can do this!". Also when my fabulous friend Alissa called me and I bawled on the phone with her about diabetes stuff. She calmed me down and educated me! And cant forget that Cams been a sweet heart with my crazy cleaning/nesting madness :)

Ok, gotta run! Registered at the hospital today! :)
N.

Who are you Bubba??

As I approach 31 weeks pregnant (tomorrow) I'm starting to understand how these crazy hormones are affecting my thoughts, feelings, emotions and perceptions on everything!! It's been a lot easier to recently identify what's "me" and what's "hormonal". I hope that continues after Bubba's born, I've heard how overwhelming post baby hormones can be. While at church yesterday I had this picture in my mind during worship of me sitting in the hospital bed holding my new baby, staring into its eyes and I just about lost it! I can't believe how close that day actually is.

I'm starting to get REALLY curious as to who this little baby is growing inside of me. Is it a boy? A girl? What name will we end up choosing? Will he/she have blonde hair? Darker hair? Blue eyes like Cam or green eyes like me? Will baby be active or calm? Colic or not? Tall? Short? What will he/she like? Not like? My goodness it's endless the possibilities of who this child is!

Who will it look like? Or will he/she be the perfect mixture of us both? When I close my eyes to try and picture Bubba it's not clear because I truly have no clue. I was so sure at the beginning that Bubba is a boy but now... I have NO guess! No "feeling", no clue! Only Leigh-Ann knows for sure :)

9 more weeks to go! Then at least some of these questions will be answered!!

Bubba sweetie, I can't wait to hold you!
N.

Wait a minute... I'm having a baby!!!

As I sit here in bed with my nettle tea, left leg spazzing, lower back hurting and strong Bubba movements I realize the plainly obvious fact that I AM HAVING A BABY! This kid can come out at any time and have a very strong chance of making it. Therefore, I'm a mommy! I, me, Nicole Elisabeth is Bubba's momma. WOW! HOLY CRAP! When/how did that happen? (don't answer that, I know how! 😉).

I know this sounds ridiculous, I mean I've chosen every action, every decision that got me to this point in my life and I am THRILLED, but I can't help but also feel crazy overwhelmed. It's not like life eases you into parenthood, it's BAM! Here's your son or daughter, congrats!!! By the way... good luck! have fun! you'll figure it out (with very little sleep). Yah! I have friends with kids, I see/hear what they go through. I'm not naive.

But then again I knew that if I went through life without even trying to have a child and doing the mom thing then I'd regret it. I knew that I absolutely love my job and investing in the lives of children, it's my calling. So having babies just made sense. But having a plan, and planning for that plan and talking about the plan is SO different than living it! You experience so many more anxieties, fears, inadequacies, when living it.

So what am I doing? I'm praying! It's always my "go to" I know that God will be there to offer peace and comfort. Even if you don't believe that, I do and it gives me an incredible strength and peace. I also go to Cam and share my thoughts. Just today he reassured me how normal all this is... it's OK to feel overwhelmed and emotional. I love him! He also told me that my stretch marks are beauty marks! SO SWEET!

So I'll continue to pray, to accept that this is a normal part of the process. And as things continue to become more and more real (like the crib getting set up, my belly getting bigger, saying goodbye at work) I'll breathe and believe that I'll rock it! The labour/delivery thing and of course the motherhood thing cause I'm more than capable of being a fantastic mother. Even if right at the moment it scares the crazy out of me!

N.

30 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 30 weeks pregnant! Let the 10 week countdown begin :)

Size of baby: butternut squash
(17 inches & 3.1 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: wahoo! No change this week, so a total gain of 13.8lbs this pregnancy. As long as I stick to a 20-25lb gain in total then I'll be a happy girl!

Maternity clothes: I REALLY want to buy something new! :) We're doing a maternity shoot in March and I want to get a new outfit for it... maybe I'll get that dress at Old Navy that I really liked!

Movement: SO much movement! This babe is active :) my belly had obvious waves going on last night at bible study

Sleep: since I have no more work stress sleep has been wonderful! Bubba likes to be most active at night so it's fun to fall asleep to the movements :)


Cravings: I've had a serious McDonalds craving for weeks now! Just might have to give in to get rid of it.

Symptoms: heartburn SUCKS! But since I'm no longer "cross-cross applesauce", squatting eye level, picking up toys, cleaning child size tables & spaces, sitting in the nap room or picking up children all day long my back/hip/sciatic aren't as sore. It's AWESOME!


Best moment of the week: saying good-bye to everyone at work, it was so hard but I felt so loved and appreciated! Thank-you :)

Happy Tuesday!
N.

good-bye work, it's been fun!

This Friday is my last day at work before Bubba is born. It's really surreal to me that I'll be at home after one and a half days left (I'm only working a half day tomorrow). WOW! It went by so fast and I'm going to miss those kids so much! I've spent so much time with them since September and now the babe inside of me needs me off my feet and healthy. So the best choice is to listen to my doctor and go off work.

I've had an overwhelming amount of support from friends, family, co-workers and parents at work. THANK-YOU! It really made me feel down right sad and depressed when I realized I couldn't work any longer due to pregnancy complications. But after a lot of encouraging words, I've been able to see that I've just got to do what needs to be done and that's growing a healthy baby! Who knew making a human would be so hard? :)

So here is my TO DO list for my days at home after Friday:

1. Go through my boxes I still have packed from our move 1 1/2 years ago!

2. Organize my kitchen cupboards so that my kitchen is much more functional and clean!

3. Go through my closet, apparently Cam insists that the mess in there is mine (yah, right!)

4. Plan out and prepare freezer meals to get Cam and I through the first weeks when Bubba arrives. This way we eat well and don't have to worry about groceries or money used to eat out. Also, clean out deep freezer.

5. Go through living room hutch and transfer ECE stuff into bins for storage.

6. Do taxes

7. Re-do our budget/spending/saving

8. Create a cleaning schedule to keep on top of the gross mess that will accumulate in here. Do a deep clean first!

9. Look for, choose, order prints and pick frames for pictures to be hung around our home... FINALLY! Also secure dates for our maternity photo shoot and newborn photo shoot.

10. Read everything Kortney passes my way in terms of labour and delivery and newborns! Watch the movie "the business of being born"

11. Register at the hospital and schedule a tour

12. Get "padsicles" ready, pack my hospital bag, shop for things I want with me at the hospital, research what I'll need for the hospital.

13. Pick out Bubba's "coming home" outfit!!!

14. Finish Bubba's room

15. Take frequent naps, rest like crazy, read, walk, spend quality time with Cam, enjoy babes movements and get a name list together!!!!

Of course I'll be taking it easy, I'll be focusing on nothing else but this baby and getting ready for the most incredible blessing of my life! So goodbye work, I'll miss you for sure but I'm ready to be home and await my baby :)

N.

29 weeks pregnant :)

How far along: 29 weeks! WOW!

Size of baby: small cabbage
(17 inches & 2.9 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: this weigh in was rough! I blame the great meal I had last night at my dads birthday dinner :) I'm up 2.2lbs this week, so total gain of 13.8lbs this pregnancy. As long as I stick to a 20-25lb gain in total then I'll be a happy girl!

Maternity clothes: still haven't bought anything new, I'm wearing my Costco sweaters more often these days though. I REALLY want to buy something new! :) I just might use my Christmas money after my appointment Thursday.

Movement: lots and lots! And very strong, I'm going to miss it once babe comes out.

Sleep: it's hit and miss these days. Last night I hardly slept, heartburn has crept back which attacks me in the middle of the night. Thank goodness I still have an ample supply of Zantac on hand :)


Cravings: everything my diabetes tells me I shouldn't be eating. NOT fun, I haven't had the greatest blood sugar numbers lately :( really nervous about that for my Thursday appointment.

Symptoms: same old same old, although heartburn and exhaustion are back. Also my hips, siatic and lower back HURT! I can't wait to get that massage that was ordered by my doctor!

Best moment of the week: when a girl at work while saying goodbye told me she wanted to hug my baby and then hugged my baby belly. I'm going to miss these kids SO much!

Happy Tuesday!
N.

Bubba's room!

Would you like to take a peek into Bubba's room?!


Bubba's room is coming together quite quickly these past few weeks. We've got the crib in so the office is now moved to the storage room (which Cam has proclaimed his "man cave") and the dresser has been painted (take a look at the pic below). Can you believe that the crib came from a garage sale that Cams parents found and repurposed? And the dresser was made by my grandfather, Cam just spruced it up!


This green was SO hard for me to commit to, it's gorgeous now that I see it done. I love it! And believe boy or girl, we can make it work with whatever else we bring into the room. We still want a glider chair that can be moved to our living room later when I'm done nursing. It would be nice to put down an area rug but it's not something essential for before Bubba's born. We'll put up shelving to store the cloth diapers (probably something from ikea) above the dresser so I can use the top as a change table.


Like our fabric choice? It sure pays to have a mother in law who sews and is willing to share her talents. I loooove this fabric! It'll be used to make bedding and curtains! I'll post again when the room is all done, put together and waiting for Bubbas arrival. I can't wait :)

We've got so much more done than we both realized. Walking through the baby store today our wish list was smaller than we thought it'd be! If you're interested in what we're looking for, here it is:

* ergo baby carrier
* woven wrap carrier
* gliding chair
* travel booster seat
* basic baby monitor
* avent bottles & accessories (my pump is an avent manual)
* bathing tub
* nursing accessories (like nursing pads, cream, etc...)
* pacifiers (Cam specifically wants some Canuck ones)
* grooming/health kit (thermometer, nail clippers, nasal aspirator, etc...)
* child proofing kit
* disposable diapers & wipes (to get us through the first few weeks)
* swaddling blankets
* receiving blankets
* burp cloths
* clothes, sleepers, onesies (3+ month sizes)
* crib sheets
* humidifier
* dishwasher infant basket (for all the little baby things that need sanitization)
* baby/infant toys
* board books
* bibs
* privacy nursing thingy
* our cloth diaper preferred brand is Tender Tushies if you feel inclined to buy us more!
* gift cards to Motherhood or other maternity stores so I can get nursing tops & bras would be AMAZING!
* ANY gift cards for baby stores like babies R us, Carter's or children's place would be accepted with much enthusiasm!

I'm sure there are more little things that'd be nice but this is our wish list. Not that we expect anything from anyone but we've had a few friends ask and so I thought I'd post it here. It's for myself too! This way I know exactly what we still need/want :)

29 weeks tomorrow!!!!
N.

Stretch marks

I don't think it would have mattered how much I psyched myself out for the daily body changes happening this pregnancy. The moment I saw that first tiny red stretch mark on my belly, I was heartbroken. I pouted, I made Cam promise me he'd still love me no matter how ugly my belly would be after Bubba exits it. I was having a moment of complete sadness, believing that I would never be confident in my body ever again. I was picturing a saggy, red marked, wrinkled mess. It freaked me out!!

Then I took a deep breath, wiped away the tears and realized that the baby growing in this belly is FAR more important than the marks made to bring him/her here. That the belly that's left after the labour process is done is one to be worn proudly, and I have the power to change it with sweat and determination.

I can say for certain that the hormones of this third trimester are impacting me in a very dramatic way! There are more tears, more emotion, less energy, much more intense physical pain and a very obvious BIG baby belly that just keeps growing (and stretching!).

My endo scars have become the source of the stretch marks, the very marks that helped Bubba come to be are stretching to accommodate his/her home. I guess it's just all apart of the process. I know it's going to be worth it, and I'm more than proud of my achievements thus far this pregnancy; keeping my weight gain in check, exercising often, working full time. I'm going to be okay, my body will still be beautiful and my belly will carry addition marks that I will choose to carry proudly! :)

N.

28 weeks pregnant, 3rd trimester... FINALLY!

How far along: 28 weeks! 3rd trimester is here!!

Size of baby: head of cauliflower (16 inches & 2.5 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: since my weeks change over on Tuesdays now I weigh in Tuesday mornings. Gained for the first time in three weeks! Up one pound, total gain of 11.6 pounds so far.

Maternity clothes: still haven't bought anything new, I'm wearing my Costco sweaters more often these days though. I REALLY want to buy something new! :)

Movement: it's definitely getting stronger and stronger as the days and weeks go by. When Bubba moves you can actually see my stomach move around which is amazing! Cam & my mom have seen it, I love watching it! Bubba also moves A LOT around 10pm, which is when I'm usually going to bed.

Sleep: getting out of bed every 2-3 hours to pee sucks and hurts :( but it's okay, I get back in bed and back to sleep quite quickly which is really nice!

Cravings: I'm probably a bit too brave with my gestational diabetes meals. I want McDonalds SO bad right now and I'm "testing" my sugar readings to see if I can get away with having a full banana at breakfast or a small bowl of ice cream after dinner :)

Symptoms: stretch marks :'( this one has been harder than I thought to cope with. I'm really terrified that my tummy with be HIDEOUS after the delivery. But I guess that is something I need to come to terms with, that I will probably look different but that it's okay. Other than that I'm still having siatic pain, hip and lower back pain and getting generally worn down. Also, REALLY emotional. I had a crying episode twice on the weekend, one in the middle of the night Saturday night for a couple hours and the other on Sunday morning and a bit at church. I'm sure that'll continue to happen! (poor Cam!). Leg cramps this morning too and swollen hands and feet are starting... Wearing my rings in my necklace now for just in case :)

Best moment of the week: going to my new maternity clinic and feeling AWESOME there! Having things sorted out that should have been taken care of and getting off thyroid pills I should have never been taking.


Happy Tuesday everyone! :)
N.

27 weeks pregnant (still)

I felt like I should update, for my own "records" but just in case you're interested too :)

Today was my very first appointment with the Community Birth Program at the Jim Pattison surgical centre with my incredible new doctor. She was great! The appointments are longer (45 minutes), more personable, I even sat on a couch and got checked on the couch rather than on a cold table. I felt taken care of, listened to and given information I was waiting for (regarding hospital registration). It was GREAT!

So a few updates:
1. I lost weight again this week (weird) that puts me back down to a total gain of 10.6lbs. Dr. Weiler told me she's going to monitor that and to STOP losing weight. That's the first time a doctor has said that so far. My weight gain has been great she said! YAY!

2. Bubba's due date changed!!! It probably should have changed back in October after my dating ultrasound in late September. When there is a discrepancy of 5 plus days between the given due date and the dating ultrasound then you're supposed to change the due date. The other clinic never changed it, my new clinic has! New due date: April 30th.

3. I'm measuring 29 weeks, even though I'm now at 27 weeks today. If I measure 3 weeks ahead at the next appointment then I'll be sent for another ultrasound (so I might see you again Leigh Ann).

4. My thyroid blood work shows that I'm hardly hypothyroid. Dr. Weiler said she would have sent me for another blood test before putting me on meds (go figure). But because I'm already on the meds, I should keep it up, so I am. She also said I'm JUST a gestational diabetic so she might not have even bothered referring me if I had been seeing her (again, go figure).

mmmm.... my diabetic chocolate collection (they're SO good!).


My sugars have been GREAT! I really don't think I'm diabetic. But oh well, if this whole process only helps me be healthier then that can't be a bad thing.

Oh, one last thing: the new clinic was horrified when I expressed to them how I was treated on the phone when I called the other clinic last Thursday. They are going to talk to someone about it and make it known to the people that matter how I felt and what happened. I feel so loved and so glad that they're taking the initiative to speak up for me! It's awesome! :)

Okay...I'm starving, time to eat...
Have a fantastic night, and I'll be updating Tuesdays from now on!
N.

Just to clarify...

I really hope that I'm not giving the impression that diabetes is horrible and the end all. Because it absolutely is not!! I do not want anyone to assume that I'm some complainer that can't deal with the reality of my situation because that's not the case either. I've always been the individual who processed best by talking and sharing, this has just been me processing.

And through this stage of accepting what's going on it's been really great to have friends and co-workers come to me with stories of their experiences with gestational diabetes. It honestly helps me to feel like I have some serious support (and I know that I do)!

So why has this process been so emotional for me? Because my family has a long history with diabetes. Especially with my moms mother, Linda Wittrien, who I loved and adored but was sick the entire time I knew her. I do not have a memory of my beloved Oma without her being morbidly obese, pricking her fingers, injecting insulin, taking a cocktail of meds, and more. What was she sick with? Well, a lot I think! But most obviously she had type 2 diabetes and heart disease, but a stroke is what actually killed her.

Unfortunately, my body seems to be quite similar to hers. I'm SO sensitive to so much and I have such a hard time processing (and accepting) what to do about it on a regular basis. Now please don't misunderstand me, I know I'm not my Oma. I try hard to not walk in her foot steps, I'm just recognizing the similarities and its troublesome at times. Telling my mom about my gestational diabetes (who watched her mom slowly die from the decisions she made) went through the same emotional process I went through regarding my diabetes diagnosis. She cried, I cried too.

But just because this is happening doesn't mean I'll get type 2 diabetes. It does NOT mean I'll go through the same experiences my grandmother did. Just because my Oma lived and died a certain way doesn't mean I will live and die the same way. She made her decisions and I'll make mine. I get to have my own life, I can't change my genetics, my sensitivities, the way my body works. BUT I can control the way I live and care for my body, especially now with Bubba taking residence inside It. I'm learning, I'm still processing, I'm trying my best. Like my incredibly wise dula said, it's just a bump along the way. And it is just that!

Thanks for the support!
N.

my baby, my body, MY choice!

I couldn't believe the experience I had today while calling the prenatal clinic I had been seeing to cancel my afternoon appointment and inform them I'm transferring my care to a different maternity clinic.

For weeks now I haven't been able to shake the thought that I should see my family practitioner and ask about my prenatal care options. I finally took the initiative and called, I saw her today and was reminded of why I liked her so much the last time I saw her. Too bad she was on vacation when I got pregnant in the summer. If she had been then I wouldn't of gone through what I did.

An earful of "why's" "come in & talk to the doctor" " we aren't releasing your information" "you're OUR patient and not theirs". There was no attempt at kindness, just rude and crude. I was stunned, shocked, hurt and very upset. Thank goodness my new clinic (who I called after in tears) said to not go in to explain myself and that it's my body and my decision and not to worry or stress. They'll work around the info they can get elsewhere without the release of my file from the other clinic. Phew!

So here I sit on my couch relaxed (finally!) when I am "supposed" to be in a prenatal appointment right now at the crazy mean clinic. I'm grateful I listened to my instincts, I'm upset that someone tried to dictate to me my right to choose who I want to care for me through the rest of my pregnancy. It's MY body, MY baby and MY right to choose.

This new clinic is all about natural birth, with only 6 doctors which include 3 midwives. I'm able to have Kortney as my very own dula still (which my doctor supports). I know this doctor well, I'll see her at every appointment (no more not knowing which doctor I'll see) and I'll still deliver at surrey memorial. She's so understanding about what I do for work and that I'll probably need some medical leave before maternity leave. We talked about my gestational diabetes and she ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME! I'm SO glad that I'm making this switch.

So women in my position who feel like something just isn't right about your prenatal care. Take it from me, it's YOUR body, YOUR baby and YOUR choice to change care at any time without explanation.

I'm determined now more than ever to listen to MY intuitions and instincts. As the nice receptionist at the new clinic said to me over the phone, "you're going to be a mommy, it's YOUR body and YOUR choice!"

N.

27 weeks pregnant! Last week of my 2nd trimester!

How far along: 27 weeks!

Size of baby: cucumber (15 inches & 2.2 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: I guess there's a positive (among others) in having to watch what I eat. I lost 0.4lbs this week which brings me back down to a 11.6 pound gain in total so far.

Maternity clothes: I'm not sure that there's anything to update in this category. I'm getting bored with what I've got but I'm not willing to go out and buy more right now.


Movement: I can now see my belly moving around!!! It's amazing, I could watch it all day long! I hope to sit Cam down and make him experience it with me soon.

Sleep: still struggling with getting up all the time to pee (SO annoying!). Otherwise, I'm doing the same as last week.

Cravings: haha, I would love to have pizza but won't until I understand more about this diabetic stuff. I'm eating much more fruit, veggies and cut way back on carbs so cravings aren't so overwhelming anymore and I don't need Zantac anymore either. No more heart burn!

Symptoms: the most frequent one that's bothering me the most is my hip and siatic pain. Im hoping that a belly band and my new ordered exercise will help it.


Best moment of the week: ummm... the doctor who broke the news of my gestational diabetes and hypo thyroid was SUPER sweet and I've decided to take the positive from it all. So it could have been a bad moment for me, but it really wasn't. This Friday I get to go to the class and learn what to do. I'm starting to see how much this will help me. That makes me really grateful.

Happy Wednesday everyone! :)
N.

gestational diabetes & my darn thyroid!

Well... It's true, I do indeed have gestational diabetes and hypothyroidism. What this means is that I have a thyroid not producing enough hormones which is slowing down my metabolism and contributing to my exhaustion and constipation. Only this is VERY mild and not worrisome, they just want to get control of it now. And it means that my sugars are JUST high enough to be considered gestational diabetes. The level they send patients to the diabetes clinic is 5.1 and my sugars read at 5.3 on one of my three test times (right when I got there before the sugar drink consumption).

SO! I've been given a prescription that's been filled, one pill a day for my thyroid. Which in fact should give me back my energy and ability to poop HALLELUJAH!!!!! And I've been referred to the diabetes clinic for a class to learn the in's & out's of gestational diabetes, the do's & do not's and how to take my sugar readings daily. Yes, I'll get to do the finger prick every day (woot woot!!). But NO insulin injections (can I get another HALLELUJAH??).

Yesterday I was definitely emotional in regards to going in today to learn the truth of what my tests came back with. But in all honesty, I'm not surprised. My body has always been sensitive and I haven chosen today to look at only the positive. It could have been WAY worse (it wasn't), I could have gotten a shitty doc telling me the news (I didn't, I got a dream doctor), it could have been the scariest moment of my pregnancy and it definitely was not.

I've decided to take this opportunity to kick ass even more in improving my health and make it a complete lifestyle change to better myself and my baby Bubba! Don't you worry, I do NOT eat crap all day (ask Camy) but I can always do better and this has been a serious wake up call for that.

So THANK-YOU! To all my wonderful friends and family who have texted me encouraging words, prayed for my health and supported me through this entire pregnancy thus far! Bubba and I are fabulous and will continue to be fabulous. I just might be poked more with needles than I had once thought, but no bigs!

I guess my chocolate consumption will turn to fruit consumption. Anyone got any great diabetes recipes for me???

Lots of love!
N & Bubba :)

before I know it I'll be "mommy" & not "Teacher Nicole" for most of my days

As I met with my regional director yesterday and talked about my maternity leave I realized that soon I'll be home and not at Prospect anymore. There will be a new teacher and I'll just be a memory to the 20 something children I love and adore at the centre.

I haven't given it much thought until now that I'll be replaced and probably won't be coming back to that particular placement. Instead I'll be at home getting bigger, growing Bubba inside until he/she is ready... waiting for labour to begin. Then everything will be different and instead of being responsible for the care of twenty five children forty hours a week, I'll be responsible for one child 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 365 days a year!!

But I'm nervous in a variety of ways, I'm quite sure that my schooling and ECE experience will influence my parenting. I'm sure that I'll be the mom putting out sensory tables in our house, reading books constantly, stocking up the free art corner daily and encouraging my child to "try" at many many developmentally appropriate tasks they are more than capable of doing before I step in. I'll be the mom that holds her child "too much" in the eyes of others because I believe in it. I'll be the mom who has her three year old in a car seat and breast feeds exclusively until at least a year! My experiences at work have allowed me a lot of time to build my philosophies of how children can be treated and taught to be a successful individual.

But then again I don't want my new title of "mommy" to influence my work and my identity of "teacher". I see too often that teachers get sucked into the adorable eyes of a 2 1/2 year old who proclaims that they just can't put their slippers on their feet (when they just did it for me a hour prior!). These teachers are usually moms who see their children in the eyes of the children at the centre and feel the need to "save" them from everything. Unfortunately "saving" them often debilitates them from learning the various life skills necessary to be successful in kindergarten, in ever day life. When a child learns to manipulate another to do what they want then they learn they never need to do anything for themselves. They won't learn to experience discomfort, frustration, conflict and successfully find a way to deal with it. I'm sure my strong beliefs in my work will not be hindered by my new role as a mom but I can't help but be a little nervous.

Okay, time to get ready for work. I'm closing the centre today. I'm really going to miss these kids when I'm gone :'(
N.

26 weeks pregnant!!

How far along: 26 weeks!

Size of baby: eggplant (9 inches & 2 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: up a little this week, that means a total gain of 12 pounds so far. I know that it's a small gain this entire pregnancy but it's still hard to see the scale climb.

Maternity clothes: I'm not sure that there's anything to update in this category. I'm getting bored with what I've got but I'm not willing to go out and buy more right now.


Movement: I love it when Bubba moves! And lately it's been stronger, I had my arm on top my belly yesterday and then all the sudden Bubba kicked it hard!

Sleep: What happened to my beauty sleep?! I'm up an average of 4-6 times a night to pee and turn over. This usually results in me being exhausted :(

Cravings: lots of fruit cravings, salty chips, chocolate. I'm trying to lower my wheat and gluten intake cause the heartburn is crazy and Zantac is working still but not all the time anymore :(

Symptoms: well... if you read my last post then you know my butt hurts. A LOT! Which has become a progressively annoying problem that I'm not very happy with. Oh well, at least in 14 weeks I'll have relief :) But other than that things are going well. Still having heartburn, still having troubles with #2, starting to see the beginnings of a single stretch mark (AHH!), still having baby brain moments and my hair is awesome! No recent nose bleeds, YAY!

Best moment of the week: ummm, for the first time I'm actually straining to think of one. I will say that my gestational diabetes test was... SO great (no actually not at all). But my mom came because Cam was in school and she stayed with me and I had such a great time with her and then she took me out for lunch! Yum! So that was fabulous!


Oh and if you have it in you to tell a pregnant woman that she's HUGE! Please refrain. A mom at work today told me that I'm SO big for 6 1/2 months pregnant. She said this aloud several times and then insisted my baby is a girl. THANKS! Wasn't that the exact thing I needed to hear today after the scale almost made me cry and my butt has been a constant source of agony for days.

Where's my chocolate?! :)
N.

why yes, that does ache... Thank-you!

Honestly, someone should have told me about the aches and pains that come along with pregnancy. Like for instance, my butt! Oh my goodness gracious my butt has never hurt so much in my entire life! Yes, I'm not joking, my right butt cheek aches. My hips are sore, my legs... it's as though I just did hours of a work out or ran a marathon!
I am aware of the fact that I was in horrible shape fitness wise before I got pregnant... but still!

Anyone have any ideas to help the aches?

And WHAT happened to my beauty sleep?! It's like I got to be 25 weeks pregnant and POOF sleep became difficult. I got a pregnancy pillow, it sort of helps but not really.

Gosh Bubba, momma just wants a good nights sleep and her butt to stop hurting. Can you do that for me sweetie? Yah... didn't think so.

*sigh*
N.

Stuff!

You know, I knew that there would be stuff out there for babies but the amount of crap to purchase is incredibly ridiculously overwhelming at times. I decided that in order to diminish the crazy stress, I'd tackle one necessary item at a time.

Thankfully we're not the first ones to have a child out of all the friend circles we have. I've been given bottles, books, nursing pillows, and gifts of clothes, blankets, etc. We've bought a bumbo, stroller, crib, and car seat all used from trusted friends (crib was a garage sale find). My sister is gracious enough to send me maternity clothes, a few cloth diapers and thankfully a breast pump (I'd only accept a used breast pump from her).

So phew! We've got a few things covered. I'm getting cloth diapers from Tender Tushies, after MUCH research and exploration on the topic. I'm thrilled, and YES! I'm cloth diapering. YES! I'm going to be successful at it and nope I'm not afraid of my child's poop. I work in Early Childhood education for goodness sake.

So next on the long list??
- infant/toddler carrier
- rocking/gliding chair
- area rug for Bubba's room
- storage for the cloth diapers
- new light for Bubba's room
- curtains
- some type of art for Bubba's room
- swaddler type clothing like contraption
- receiving blankets
- avent bottles (that's the pump I'm getting)
- burp cloths
- round hospital type pacifiers
- clothes!

I'm missing A LOT I'm sure!! But you know what? I need stuff too.
- nursing bra(s)
- a hair cut
- nursing shirts/tanks
- hip band thingy
- probably bigger shoes by the time I have Bubba
- sports bra and clothing for laboring in the hospital

It never stops and I'm sure it never will. Oh well, I can't wait to meet you little one who's making me pee constantly and causing my right butt cheek to hurt when I sit. I absolutely and desperately love you and can't wait to meet you!!

N.

25 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 25 weeks!

Size of baby: eggplant (9 inches & 1.7 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: I gained 2 pounds again this week. That puts me at a gain of 11lbs so far. Considering the fact that Bubba's supposed to be doubling in size, I can handle it :)

Maternity clothes: I'm not sure that there's anything to update in this category. I'm getting bored with what I've got but I'm not willing to go out and buy more right now.

Movement: CAM FELT THE BABY! Two separate times this week and he smiles so big everytime!

Sleep: I counted six times that I woke up the other night cause I had to pee. So that's not fun.

Cravings: I suddenly want to eat constantly, like everything I see that looks good (like those caramel chocolates in front of me here at work). I'm still calorie counting and decided that I'm going to treat my labour like the marathon it is and exercise daily to prepare for it.

Symptoms: honestly, not much this week. Same old same old. Just feeling bigger and slower and I make sure my magic Zantac is taken twice a day like instructed :)

Best moment of the week: when Cam finally felt Bubba move. I was so excited for him, I think it helped him feel more connected to the baby. I can't wait for when the movements are more visible and Cam can see it.


Well, only 15 weeks until my expected delivery date but you never know. Bubs will come when he/she chooses, could be sooner than later :)

My gestational diabetes test is this Saturday morning. Wish me luck! It's the 2 hour test, yikes!

Happy Wednesday!
N.

oh baby names!

I realized once I got pregnant that picking out a name would be one of the hardest parts of preparing for a baby. Other parts of the process I was surprisingly quick to come to terms with. It's going to hurt, I'm going to get BIG, I'm probably going to get every symptom in the book. Okay, I can deal with that. But wait a moment, I have to choose a name for this baby that will grow into a person and it has to carry the name I choose for the rest of its life!? WHOA! That's a lot of pressure! Can't bubba just arrive with a birth certificate indicating the already given name like my cabbage patch kids did when I was young? God, can you please just whisper the name YOU have chosen for this baby so I don't have to choose?

FYI: cam chose the nickname bubba, cause even the nickname was too much for me.

I can name the fish we buy and the car we drive, but a baby?! When I close my eyes and picture what I believe a son of mine would look like I'm not sure which name would fit. A tough manly name? A short preppy name? A long traditional name? Will he be loud? Quiet? Outgoing? Timid? All those qualities I think affect what name would be best suited for him. And the name MUST mean something important, not anything like "crooked nose" (haha, the meaning for the name Cameron). And then when I stop to picture my daughter, I see bright blue eyes and wavy long blonde hair. Will she be a tomboy? Or a princess? Talkative or observant? Stubborn or relaxed? Is she deserving of a beautifully elegant name or would a cute spunky name be better suited for her? And again, it must mean something or reflect something important. Now insert giant ass monster baby name book:


You'd think after hours with this book and two long lists of preferred names that I'd have some clue. Nope, not really. I'm not sure I'll be ready to commit to any sure name for bubba until he/she comes and I look into his/her eyes and just know, I have a feeling that it'll be so obvious.

Yah, I know that it's going to be okay. And I guess if we just can't decide then using the name Bubba would be a good back up plan right?! ;)
N.

24 weeks pregnant!

How far along: 24 weeks! That's SIX months!

Size of baby: ear of corn (8.5 inches & 1.5 pounds)

Weight gain/loss: the Christmas season finally caught up to me, I gained 2 pounds this week. That puts me at a gain of 9.4lbs so far.

Maternity clothes: I'm not sure that there's anything to update in this category. I'm getting bored with what I've got but I'm not willing to go out and buy more right now.

Movement: I'm feeling a lot of movement, it feels great! Makes me happy that baby is alive and well. Cams still trying to feel the movements with no luck yet.

Sleep: I've been on vacation so my sleeping patterns have been off. I tried going back to my regular sleeping routine last night and ended up with only five interrupted hours of sleep. I'm getting up quite a bit more to pee at night, it's getting annoying.

Cravings: ummmm, just sweets like usual. I missed champagne at New Years but that's okay. I'd LOVE a good cheeseburger, that'd be good right about now.

Symptoms: the usual: nose bleeds, light headed more often (which usually means more blood & a bigger belly), heartburn, sore hips and crazy constipation. But I'm dealing with it all with minor complaining :)

Best moment of the week: I had a great New Year's Eve at my besties place with her husband, my husband, my brother & another good friend. They drank (I had bubbly juice), we ate (I learnt I can't eat lots anymore) and we played clue (my character was the killer, go figure!). It was good times!


I also wanted to say a huge THANK-YOU! To all of my incredible, wonderful, amazing friends who are messaging me, texting me, telling me that I look beautiful and I'm glowing. You make me smile every. single. time! So big a *hugs* to you :)
N.

A look back at 2012 and a look ahead at 2013!

Is 2012 really over? I can't believe that it is already 2013, last night we couldn't believe we were right back at the Tetz house ringing in another new year, AGAIN! Yikes!


The year 2012 went by really fast, so lets take a look at what happened and our plans for 2013.

Career Decisions:

2012
* I finished working my first year in a preschool (June). I also made the decision to move to a newly opened daycare (September). I tried to complete my ECE certificate but just couldn't handle my pregnancy, full time work in a new centre with a new role and school so I dropped my course and changed my shift at work.
* Cam made the decision and commitment to pursue a career in horticulture instead of youth pastoring. This was not an obvious decision for him to make since it involved more schooling. He started university in September and has been incredibly successful, more so than he was in bible college.

2013
* I will go on maternity leave somewhere between march 1st and march 15th. This is my choice, my work is not pushing me in any direction. I recognize now how much harder it's getting to be productive and move around, it's only going to get worse. And the time I have before Bubba comes, I'll never have again!!! So I'm going to take advantage of it. We have no set plans as to what I'll do in 2014 when my leave is over.
* Cams work is supposed to be "seasonal" but it sure hasn't felt that way for him lately. He'll be back to it January 3rd and back in university for one class this winter semester. We're not sure what his fall 2013 semester will look like, but this spring/summer work wise is looking to be nice and busy!

Family:

2012
* in the early days of August I went with my brother to a work out session and just about died. I committed to loosing some weight before trying to get pregnant. Yah, little did I know little Bubba had other plans. I took a pregnancy test and SURPRISE! Pregnant. I was freaked and thrilled, putting the work out/loosing weight commitment on hold ten months.

2013
* Bubba is due to arrive late April, so far everything is healthy, good and on track! A "perfect" pregnancy. I've only gained 7.2lbs so far, I see this as a huge accomplishment. I've asked my friend Kortney to be my dula, we're talking labour and delivery more these days and I'm reading a lot more on parenting. We've also been accumulating baby supplies, our newest addition being a teal bumbo I bought off a friend. The only brand new baby thing we've bought is a diaper bag, everything else is used and I believe that we're smart for buying this way. We've saved an estimated $250 on our stroller alone!

Church:

2012
* we started attending a life group at our church and we love it! It's such a great way to get connected into community. We only missed one study cause of Cams finals at school.

2013
* we have no plans to stop attending even after Bubba comes. We've been told that baby is more than welcome, so there will be many arms for babe to sleep in on Monday evenings! I also hope to attend women's ministry events once I have more time on maternity (ha! More time).

Now I know that this post is getting long but... Oh well.

I do have some personal goals for 2013, but most have to do with my pregnancy, labour, delivery and parenting. These all deserve their own posts but I'll touch briefly on them here.
* I want to eat VERY well these next four months. I haven't been awful but I can do better
* I should be more active, my hips hurt a lot these days so I believe if I exercise more then that will help it
* I want to have the most natural labour I can. I recognize that there is a time and place for medical intervention but if I can help it, I want all natural. Kortney and I are talking, don't you worry
* after Bubba arrives, I want to kick major baby weight butt!!! After my recovery I want to do what's best for my body and my future pregnancies. So loose the baby weight and get to my goal weight. I'm giving myself a year to do it.
* breast feed exclusively for a minimum of 6 months (I want to BF for a full year) and practice baby led weaning.
* I especially want to parent intuitively and hands on, listen to myself and my own beliefs before others. Do what I believe is best for my baby and hold onto the truth that I can do it! And I know my baby best.

That's all I guess, if you made it this far then thanks for reading. And Happy New Year! I wish your 2013 to be all you hope it will be.

Blessings,
N.