Blueberries

So I was at my good friend Alissa's house yesterday. When I got there she suggested going to the local farm to pick blueberries. Which doesn't sound like a big deal I know, but if you knew me then you'd know I despise picking berries. Cam LOVES picking berries, he did it as a child and we always get invited to go picking with his parents every summer. When he asks me to go he always bribes me with chocolate strawberries and Starbucks. But how could I say no to Alissa's darling 6 month old daughter and the idea of fresh blueberries? So I went, without a fuss and without a Starbucks.

When Cam found out that I willingly went picking he was jokingly confused and furious. He requested a homemade blueberry pie immediately and so I figured I'd give it a try. You know, I've never baked a pie before.


Just waiting to go into the oven


All done and waiting for Cam to get home from work. What do you think?

N.

pretty flowers

My husband really has a wonderful gift given by God to make landscapes gorgeous! And I am always excited when the flowers make their debut.





These are just a few I took pictures of today. There are many more ready to bloom in the next few days. And our vegetable garden is flourishing. We absolutely love our backyard oasis. The fish are even getting much bigger in their pond, hopefully I can get a close up picture of them soon.

I think tomorrow I'll be spending a lot of time outside :)
N.

Broadway CCC (child care centre)

This week I'm subing at a child care development centre (fancy language for daycare) for W&T. I thought it'd be a great opportunity to see the schedule in action.

I was slow at first with getting back into the swing of things and daycare is incredibly different from preschool. I knew it would be but not as much as I've been experiencing this week.

So today I finally "got it"; the flow of the day, the rules that are different, the 25 names of the children and their individual personalities. I felt like a teacher again today and it was AWESOME! I'm so glad to be working child care come September. I'm loving all of it!! What a fabulous opportunity to spend some real quality time with the children in my care. It's going to be so much fun!

I'm already not looking forward to saying goodbye tomorrow to the kids I've met this week. I got so many hugs today! And I overheard a mother tell her daughter at drop off, "you are smart, you are beautiful, you are important"! It made me grin ear to ear.

I'll be glad to have my break back come Monday. But this experience has just made me more aware of how much I love my career and how excited I am
for September and my future as a W&T teacher.

Goodnight :)
N.

Bike intervals

So my brother has been seeing a personal trainer for a while now for his work outs. He's lost a lot of weight so of course I asked him to ask his trainer "what's one simple thing I can do at home?". Of course he came back with something hardcore! Bike intervals, 3 times a week for 16 minutes each time. This is to help promote fat loss (not just weight loss). Jay added that I'll want to die every time I do it, and as soon as I can't beat my calories lost then I need to move up the level (meaning it gets tougher!). So I've been doing it... and I've almost thrown up a couple times, I sweat like crazy (gross!) but I LOVE the challenge. So guess what? I kicked ass this morning, my previous success was 204 calories lost and today 229 calories lost!!!!!! So crazy happy about it that I'm having sushi tonight... but no worries, it's in my calorie count for today, so it's alright :)


PS. I always feel so darn awesome after my work outs.

Happy Saturday!
N.

Location:Stehr Residence :)

mint yogurt & pretty nails

I got new nail polish, now my cracked pretty pink nails are all sparkly! I love it :) o, and that's my new favorite frozen yogurt in that picture below. I got a big 2 liter tub at the store for like $2.86 or something, it's the best EVER!!!! And I make sure I have enough calories in my day available to have a bowl, every day since I got this stuff... YUM!


Happy frozen yogurt eating on this wonderfully lazy Friday!

N.

Working hard!

Making that number on the scale go down means hard work!!!


Do you see that sweat on my forehead?? Gross right?? :)

At least all that hard work means this:


Looking and feeling FANTASTIC!!

Yep, I'm not going to stop, I'm crazy happy and excited to get my bum out of bed in the morning and out side working up a sweat!

Happy exercising!
N.

Pretty toes!

Yesterday was a VERY busy day... So busy in fact that I never even saw my hubby (sorry Camy). My best pal Nantina is getting married Saturday in a very small backyard barbecue wedding and I am the matron of honor! So of course manicures and pedicures had to happen, awesome!!! I'm so in love with my nails right now which is a big step up from my constant abuse of them (big toe nail ripped off by door, remember that one?). Maybe this means I need to make this an every birthday type of luxury?? I'm thinking so!


Onto more wedding errands today... ONE MORE SLEEP!

N.

Yes, I live in my parents basement & it's awesome!!

Way back in March 2011 my parents approached Cam & I and asked if we'd actually move into the basement of their home if they bought a new one. This was both a big surprise and a wonderful blessing. A surprise cause it was always the running joke that we'd live with them. And a blessing because we wanted a yard for Cam to garden, cheaper rent and more space.

I got super excited when we started looking and even more excited when we found, "the one". We moved in July 1st, 2011 and things were fantastic. Then I found myself defending our home to those that asked where we lived. I said that, "the market is so expensive we can't get a place", or "the rent is cheaper and we need to live somewhere so we might as well."

It was as though I was ashamed of the fact that we weren't in our own home and that we had to live with my parents, that we had no choice. That it somehow made us less successful people since many friends of ours owned property. I look back and I'm ashamed that I thought that way.

We chose to live in my parents basement because yes, it's helping us save for the home we want. An actual house that's unattached, with a yard for a play set, large dog and my husbands gardening.

But that's not the only reason, having coffee on the deck with my mom in the morning is such a treat. Being able to walk up a flight of steps to spend time with my dad and ask him questions about his work is the best! It's moments like those that help me grow in my relationship with them. My mom when she was 42 lost both her mother and father. Therefore, my time spent with my parents, even if it's living in their basement is valuable and important to me. My kids will have their Omy and Papa around much more often than if we were a drive away. That'll be very special when the time comes.

So yes, I live in a basement suite in my parents house and it's AWESOME! And I'm sure when Cam & I buy our home, we'll miss this suite and my parents very much.

Blessings,
N.

just a few things...

My hubby picked these beautiful roses for me! He also installed our new towel racks in our bathroom and curtain rods in our living space. You can see a bit of the curtains in the photo, I sewed most of them myself! Of course with the help of my mother in law.
This part of my home is now my favorite, I'm eager to get the rest of our place done now.


I also got a new Starbucks mug with the money I got at work from all my kids. I saw it and HAD to have it, I mean look at it, it has an elephant on it!!


One last picture to share then I'm done, I promise! Us on my birthday at the beach, right before we got gelato. It was SO FUN! What a great birthday this year. Thanks to everyone for the wishes and love sent my way, it made turning 27 a lot easier.


This weekend my bestie is getting married and I get to be matron of honor! I'm very excited, the wedding is a small backyard BBQ and its going to be a big party!! FUN!!!

Until next time,
N.

Morning at the beach

I love the days when Cam wakes me up a little bit early and waits for me to get ready for the day. We then get into the car, grab a Timmies coffee and go for a walk in one of the many beautiful areas around us. This morning it was Crescent Beach, I absolutely love the beach. Actually, I absolutely love where I live. I don't want to live in any other province in Canada or in any other part of the world. I'm perfectly content living my life here in beautiful British Columbia.





Just gorgeous isn't it? Can you spot Cam in the first photo?

Many blessings for a fabulous day ahead, we're BBQ'ing hamburgers for dinner. YAY!
N.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

summer is here already?

I've been thinking about what I would write here to mark the end of my first year as an Early Childhood Educator. I had all these stories going through my mind and things I could say about how of a great year it was, and it was! I guess I'm just really sad to be here now on July 1st and not going back to the W&T 140th location for another year. I won't see those incredible faces of the threes that I taught this year make their way into the class as four year olds in September. I won't see my co-worker every day and chat about the happenings in our lives and her reminding me to "stop thinking about it!". I had so many parents on Tuesday say the words, "we can't wait to see you next school year" and me saying back "actually, I'm being moved to a daycare location and another assistant is taking my place here at 140th." I even had a mother get quite mad at me that her child had to say goodbye to "Teacher Nicole for forever!". Did I really have THAT much of an impact? It didn't really feel like I had while I was surviving my first year of ECE and preschool, I had fun... don't get me wrong, this is the job God created me to do. But I never felt like I was THAT much apart of these children's lives. Yet, the cards and the gifts I was struggling to hold onto (there were so many)... the hugs, so many hugs! No wonder I cried on my way home from work those two days of graduations and goodbyes. Every day that I was there never once felt like "work", it never once felt like an obligation, nor was it ever a bore. I was there because it was something I was honored and privileged to do day in and day out and I am SO excited to do it all over again in daycare in September. I'm already setting up subing jobs for the summer cause I'm going to be bored here at home with nothing to do and I'll miss it. I know that I'll miss those children, the joy in their eyes, the hugs they give freely, the overwhelming excitement over the littlest of things and the incredibly long amounts of time for them to accomplish anything (they're just learning!). I love it all.

It makes me constantly pray for patience for when God will bless us with a baby and a family of our own. There are babies all over, everywhere I look women are pregnant and children are born. It makes it hard to keep off my mind, and surrender that to God. I am very thankful however, that the vestibulodynia treatment is working!!!!!!!!! and that I'm enjoying the intimacy in my marriage for the first time, now we're just waiting for that pregnancy test to say positive! :)

Now that I will have an incredible amount of free time on my hands for 8 weeks straight, I'll be writing on here a lot more! Be ready to be updated!

Blessings on this Canada day!
N.  

found what works for me!

After months (more like a year) of pursuing whatever it was that would help me loose weight and live better (& never finding it). Well.... I found it!

My body I've learned SUCKS at processing grains, sugar and processed milk products. I get the worst digestive upset, bloat, nausea and cramps. It's hell! And at times so bad I need a hot water bottle and bath to calm the pain.

So I read some stuff (a lot of stuff) about those particular foods. Then I read a bunch of stuff on IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), endometriosis and digestive problems in women.

The choice was clear, continue like I was and likely gain more weight while feeling miserable all the time. Or change my eating dramatically and see what happens.

I took out all grains (rice included & limited corn intake). I've dramatically limited my sugar (except fruit). And cut out all processed dairy, I still eat full fat plain yogurt.

I've lost 7 pounds so far in just under two weeks! Success FINALLY!!! I'm feeling like me again and I LOVE it. Never going back to eating what makes my body feel like garbage.

I know now that grains & sugar are the culprit, I popped some popcorn yesterday and had a nibble of chocolate and instantly the cramps, nausea, and bloat were back. I'm positive that I can live a kick ass life without grains!! Don't you think? Life isn't about pizza and crazy bread.




I'm seriously loving life right now!
Blessings,
N.

garage sale treasures!

I went across the street this afternoon to a garage sale and ended up getting some things. I'm very happy with the treasures I've found. Take a look for yourself!


I'm most impressed with that tub of blocks. I got them for $1, and that book was 50 cents. All those foam puzzle letter/numbers were there and in great condition for $1. It's like at least $30-$40 worth of stuff! And my neighbor said that she'll donate me more stuff down the road now that she knows I'm an ECE educator.


I'm saving this stuff for myself and future child. Some new parents want everything brand spanking new for their children. Although there are things I won't compromise on (car seat, stroller, crib, cloth diapers). I'm not willing to spend thousands on all new things when I know I can get used stuff for cheap and save. Used toys for example have exploration, learning, love and discovery already found in them from another child. I think it's important to recycle those toys and pass them on. So I've already started collecting for my child's library and toy chest before they have even been conceived!

In other news, we've picked a color to paint the bathroom and bedrooms. It's called, cream puff by Behr paints. I'm so excited to be rid of all the ugly and make this home feel even better. We want it looking good for when Cam's sister Michele her hubby Scott and their girls (jackie & ashley) come for a visit at the end of May!!!!! Maybe we'll even have our area rug bought by then :)

Well, happy Saturday!!!!
N.

A loss too soon

Someone who I knew of from the church I grew up in died suddenly on April 20th in Budapest during her travels. She was 19 years old. It's a serious reminder of how fragile we truly are and how important it is to cherish our life, our families and friends.

Please keep the Olsen family in your thoughts and prayers as they mourn their loss.


Rest in peace Ariel, have fun partying it up there in heaven

Blessings, N.

Go Canucks Go!

Come on Canucks... I believe in you! You can do it tonight! :)

Love, N.


Showing my love & support today!

School... STILL!

Trying to do homework in the back yard can sometimes be impossible with this cuddly distraction!



All in all, being back in night class hasn't been too bad. I'm absolutely exhausted thursdays after my 3 year old day which makes it tough but I'm managing to get my butt there and be semi awake for the lecture. Thank goodness for friends in class to keep me occupied! The assignments this class aren't difficult either which is nice. Such a change from my CBC days of biblical research papers and twelve page psychology research assignments.

I'm such a dorkie college addict :)
N.

Last trip into Vancouver General Hospital

Today is my last appointment with the gynecologists and doctors who have walked with me through this process of treatment. Cam is coming with me, and although it feels very surreal it also feels very final. It's up to me now, and honestly I feel like I haven't done very well so far. I am supposed to continue on with my physio exercises and I have only done them a few times since my last appointment, Im supposed to do them everyday! I think that the fact that it was so positive when we left my last physio and I had done so well, I almost forgotten that this is an everyday matienance type of problem. I wasn't going to walk out of that office magically better and I experienced the reality of that the other day. No, things are not "magically all better". But alas, there has been progress! So that is worth a cheer and a big smile.

I am going to bring up the pregnancy topic once again to this gynecologist who is meeting with us. Im sure there will be words of advice, maybe some positive, maybe some negative. Maybe we will get the green light from her since we did get one from the physiotherapist, maybe not. But whatever the case, it's in our hands now. We have the information and are able to make this decision just us two, Camy & Colie. So... we'll have to see what happens with that very real, very life changing decision. It's interesting how I've wanted children for years and years and now that I'm at the point of my life to take the steps to get pregnant I'm all the sudden scared out of my mind! Funny how things work like that huh? You always think the future is so far away until it becomes the present.

In other news: Easter was fantastic! We had such a great weekend with my family celebrating my younger brothers 25th birthday on Saturday and then had our Easter dinner on Sunday. Cam and I went to church and I was very moved by the worship, sand art presentation and message. So much so that I had tears in my eyes during the entire length of the service. Yesterday Cam worked and I stayed at home cleaning and relaxing. Im definitely looking forward to my summer months at home, all to myself... subbing every once in a while at the daycare and enjoying the sun in my backyard. Maybe I'll pick a few books to get through and a walking route to take around my block on a daily basis. So excited, 12 weeks left of work!, I'll miss those kiddies.

Blessings on you this day!

N.

look what I made for Easter dinner? SO good :)

Spring break fun

A peek into how my two weeks of spring break went...


















It was wonderful :)

N.

last appointments... great news!

So where did I leave off last post? Ah yes! That's right... (just caught myself up!) Onto my update of my very last cognitive behavioural therapy appointment and my last physiotherapy appointment. I promise that I have some good stuff to share.

My last cognitive therapy appointment was really quite sad cause I knew it would be the last time I was in the room with the other ten women going through the same things I am going through. They understand me, they talk about this problem just like I do! They know what it means to have this condition, what it means to have chronic pain. They know the struggles that are in marriage because of it, self image, sexual identity and self worth because of it. It was hard to say goodbye, but I am grateful to have gone through those sessions with them. They are some very strong and beautiful women and I wish them all of lifes incredible blessings and especially healing both physically and mentally.

What I got most out of my cognitive therapy was just the realization of how impactful my thoughts are on my behaviour and vice versa. I left those sessions with the understanding that I control my mind, it doesn't have to control me. And that I can just lay my thoughts down and decide whether or not to engage in them. I do not have to be captive to whatever pops into my head. I believe that this revelation will transform the way I live, think and act. It's definitely a discipline that needs practice, along with the mindfulness/meditation, but I fully intend on continuing in it.

My last physiotherapy appointment was last Wednesday, Cameron came with me and I was really REALLY nervous. There were so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind about what she might say and what my life could potentially be like after seeing her. Would I need more physio? Would we be able to start trying for a baby? If I do get pregnant, how would this condition affect my labour and delivery? I could go on with all the questions that were running through my mind. I had to stop myself and surrender the fears to God through prayer many times. I also took a lot of those running thoughts and put them in the river of my mind and let them drift away (an analogy the therapist encouraged us to use). But when we got there in her office and we sat with her, she immediately asked us, "do you have any questions for me?" After all that thinking and all that contemplating the only thing that fell out of my mouth was "we want to get pregnant!" Then she immediately grinned ear to ear and said "YES! absolutely go for it!" I just about cried. I was over the moon excited that she was so willing to support us 100% and give us her full encouragement and educate us concerning the impact of my condition. We had a very detailed conversation about how to move my and Cam`s intimate relationship forward, information that was of great value to us. We also talked for a long time about labour and delivery for when the time comes. She made me understand that I will have to take full responsiblity for informing the doctors again and again about my Vestibulodynia. This means that I would need to have less vaginal exams than the normal labouring woman would and that I would need to be very clear to the doctors about why. I thought this would be fine since I have no problems at all with being very loud, informative and stubborn concerning my Vestibulodynia and that area of my body.

After the shrieks of joy, and my little happy dance. She then went over the exercises with me, showing Cam what I've been doing and explaining why I`ve been doing it. What is really great is that we also started to see a pattern with my pain over the last two weeks and we discussed that as well. It's great that I've been doing those self exams to know exactly when it is and is NOT a good time for me pain wise. And remember that exercise that I didn't want to explain to you, well... it turns out that I've done so well with it that I'm in the 1%! What that means is 99% of women with this condition CAN NOT do the exercise the way I can (with NO pain!). This is wonderful news! I am beyond excited, and also do not need any further physiotherapy. I will however, have to do the exercises for as long as I have this condition. So I could be doing them for years to come, but that does not matter so long as the condition is in my control (which it is now!).

So to sum up... We can start trying whenever we want to have children, and I am doing incredibly well with both cognitive therapy and especially physiotherapy. Just one more discharge appointment in April and the program is done! I am so blessed to have been given this opportunity and am so thankful for all those who have supported me and Cameron through it.

I do believe that this was the work of God and that He heals through extraordinary ways, I had prayed for years for healing and have witnessed that prayer request granted. I look forward to finally being able to try to get that pee stick to say positive, I cry many happy tears over the reality of that dream coming true very soon. Please Lord God, may nothing more stand in the way of me becoming a mother. May my children be born in Your timing. Amen.

Thanks again for reading as I shared my journey with you... and stay tunned to see when I actually do start to grow a baby in my belly :)

N.

More of my journey to healing...

It's been a little while since I've written about my ongoing journey in my treatment against Vestibulodynia. I am currently doing a lot better in the emotional department of all of this. I guess I just decided to take the perspective of "this has happened, it doesn't change who I am or how much I love my husband or my life, I will accept it, treat it and move on". So, here I am in acceptance of this condition. It doesn't mean that I wake up happy about it every morning. It just means that I smile and thank God for each moment of every day because I am thankful for the blessings I have in life. This problem will not kill me, it will not prevent me from having children, it will not prevent me from being intimate with my husband and it will not deprive me of my happiness.

So here we go with an update:

The last cognitive therapy appointment I had was really interesting, the therapist talked about the connection between our thoughts, emotions, behaviour and physical responses and how they are all interconnected with one another. Not one aspect can be changed without the others being affected by the change. Therefore, if I choose to change my thought proccesses or behaviours in regards to this disease, then the physical (ie: pain) may change too! My homework was to identify the things that I am believing to be true about this problem. The example she used was the thought of "this problem will never change" then there is a sheet to fill out with questions about that thought process. It asks what is your evidence to support your thought? What is the evidence that goes against your thought? Rate your thought in terms of how much you believe it to be true, etc... By doing this we are to see and identify that the opposite can be true of our negative thought process instead of the thought itself. What I mean is, there are thousands of women who have come out of this treatment and similar treatments like this one with incredible success. Therefore, I can also find success in defeating this disease and conclude that my intital thought of "this problem will never change" is wrong! I CAN be successful and get to a point where I can be intitmate with my husband without intense pain. I am VERY excited for that day :)

My last physio appointment was one of the best and most positive experiences I've had thus far in this program! She said that I was doing GREAT (did you just read that? she said great!). This makes me really happy because I was really concerned that the exercises I was doing daily on my own weren't changing anything. One of the things I am supposed to do is rate my pain every day by doing a particular self examination type technique that I will NOT discuss here (sorry!). I am starting to realise that this pain is "no big deal" I still have the pain but I am no longer emotionally attached to it. That may sound weird, trust me it sounded weird to me too at the beginning but I understand now what it means. At my first physio appointment when the doctor was showing me what to do for this particular self exam she mentioned "it is really important for you to not be emotinally attached to the pain". She said, "you have to accept that there will be some discomfort, maybe you'll experience some pain but before you preform the self exam relax your pelvic muscles (which she continues to teach me how to do) and bring your mind to a place with no emotional attachement, just acceptance". I feel like I've begun to get really good at this, it's not even really an expectation anymore to feel the pain. Rather it's like a "I accept that this pain may be felt but it's ok either way" type of experience now. I hope that when I go back again next week for my last physio that she will give me a thumbs up, more exercises to do and then send me on my way without any more follow up. I am bringing Cam with me and we have a lot of questions to ask the doctor in terms of intimacy and then pregnancy too (for future reference).

I am confident that I will get better, that this program is helping me to get better. I am so HAPPY that I am doing it and getting the chance to experience change in this part of my life. I am no longer haunted by it, or sad by it. I am accepting that this has happened and that it is OK that it has. I am kneeling infront of God, the rock of my life and offering it all to Him and asking for healing and peace. And I am thankful that this has only brought my husband and I closer together, I love him more today than I did the day we met and our wedding day.

Thanks for reading,
Blessings on you today,

N.

Fridge talk

A wonderful message left for me from my hubby!

I'm so in love with him :)

N.

Something positive

Today was my very 1st physiotherapy appointment, I have 2 more left. Although I knew I had no reason to be nervous, I was very nervous and very anxious. I had never met this woman before, what was she going to do?

Well... As we started to talk, she asked questions and I answered them and she actually said. "good!" to a couple things I said that I've been doing. Like getting into an exercise routine (reduces pain) and accommodating my intimate relationship with my hubby.

She described my problem as being like a car alarm. The pain is an alarm sounding in my brain, but the alarm is broken and going off when it shouldn't be. So what we need to do is fix the alarm. She said that NOTHING is wrong with my nerves or tissue, good news!!! It's just the alarm that needs fixing in my brain. Sounds complicated, and it is and it will take hard work. Like being dedicated to my homework exercises to be done everyday... But... She seems very confident in the therapy and that's good enough for me!!!

I'm still really emotional about this whole journey. I haven't had time to just sit on my bed in my room and cry it out alone. I'm hoping to do that tomorrow or Friday night. I have more cognitive therapy homework to do those nights, I'm sure that'll get my tears flowing.

Good Night!
N.

Thanks mom & dad!

Mmmmmmmm.... Salt water taffy. SO GOOD :)

not yet Nicole... but soon!

Last Wednesday, which was February 15th to be exact. I had my treatment planning appointment with one of the gynecologists in the MVP program. I really liked her (at the beginning of our appointment) up until the point in time where she gave us bad news. Great! More bad news! How can this shitty problem get any worse you might ask? Well... Let me tell you.

Cam came with me to this particular appointment because he was allowed and I thought it was important and valuable for him to be apart of the conversation. After some very awkward questions concerning our sex life from this perfect stranger, I brought up my past Endometriosis surgery. I thought to myself, "they must be linked together somehow!". Bad news #1: the two diseases are most certainly NOT connected in any way. So when I asked, "so I got some seriously bad luck?" and she replied, "unfortunately yes" I was not a happy gal. ALTHOUGH! My Endo is gone, I must keep reminding myself of that.

So then conversation continued and the topic of fertility and family planning came up. Now may I remind you that I've wanted to be a mommy for... Like always! And Cam has only been on board the baby idea completely for like a month. So insert, Bad news #2: no baby.... yet! She doesn't want my positive sexual arousal cycle to disappear so she said "treatment first, babies after, we will return to the baby discussion at your discharge appointment". I saw Cam nodding in agreement and all I could do was stare at the carpet and think, "seriously??? And I JUST got him on board with the baby thing!" I was a walking emotional wreck for a while afterwards. And in a state of depression until yesterday.

She said most young women with my condition want children and prioritize their babies first, but then because of that they don't follow through with their treatment. They end up loosing their ability to become sexually aroused and eventually avoid intimacy altogether. This becomes quite a problem and many relationships end because of it.

So right now it's a choice between fixing my Vestibulodynia with adequate treatment and having kids when that gets better, OR just ignoring treatment and start trying for kids with the risk of things getting much worse.

So updated goal: get to the point THIS LATE SPRING/EARLY SUMMER to conceive a child without the fear or experience of tremendous pain.

Cam and I both agreed to listen to the gynecologist for now and revisit the baby topic in April. I feel like if I continue the treatments after the program ends (the ones that are working for me) until I get pregnant and throughout my 1st trimester and then right away after delivery. I could have my baby and still get better, there has to be a way to do both.

Right now I'm taking it as Gods way of saying "not yet Nicole, but soon... I haven't forgotten".

I wonder what my 1st physiotherapy appointment will bring this Wednesday.

N.

I am a provoked Vestibulodynia sufferer

I've already been thinking for weeks about if I was going to write this particular post and how I was going to write it. Should I include all the information, some of the information, no information? Then I thought, "well... all my close friends know, my entire family knows, what if there is a woman or couple out there that comes across this post and needs the info?" So here I am, writing this post and offering up my testimony so that I can potentially help another woman with this disease, or at least encourage a woman who is ashamed or embarrased come out and find the correct help.

All I've ever wanted in life was my own family, I was the girl that dreamed about her prince charming and her perfect home with at least four kids running around. So when I was diagnosed with Endometriosis back in 2007, I was devestated, horrified, lost, depressed, angry, and experienced sadness I had never felt before. There was a potential for infertility, it was NOT good news. Then I got refered to the best doctor and got surgery two months before my wedding day and life was perfect again! No pain, No side effects... poof! it was gone!

Until... I experienced once again a pain that can only be described as "though I was being ripped open!" on my wedding night. I thought, "of course it will hurt the first time, no big deal". But then it hurt every other time after that, for months! At my review appointment with my miracle doctor who did my Endo surgery, we concluded that she actually did get all the Endo out!! There was a moment of excitment and joy and celebration, until I told her about my new pain. I was immediately examined by her, and with a look of saddness in her eyes she gave me a new booklet and sent me into the waiting room. As I opened the booklet and reviewed the material I came across the words "chronic pain disease" and I started to cry. Alone in the waiting room of the Womens hospital I found out that I had what's called provoked Vestibulodynia, with paitents recovery rate at 60%, and 75% if they go through the MVP treatment program at Vancouver General Hospital.

I felt a whole range of emotions as you can probably guess at the diagnosis, I was once again angry, felt defeated, sad and was in a serious state of denial for a very long time. Finally in March of 2011 (I was diagnosed originally in May of 2009) I saw my doctor again and asked for a referal into the MVP program at Vancouver General Hospital. It was time that I came face to face with the reality of this disease. At this appointment I was once again examined to confirm the original diagnosis of provoked Vestibulodynia. Even though to hear the diagnosis once again made my sadness return, the doctor did an internal ultrasound exam to check my ovaries, eggs and uterus to ensure that I could get pregnant in the future. Let me tell you that seeing my eggs brought tears to my eyes, the good news coming out of that appointment was that I could in fact get pregnant, and that my fertility changes were much higher now because of the surgery she preformed to remove my Endometriosis! I was THRILLED!

Although that was a positive experience I had to once again face that even though my reproductive system wasn't being influenced by this new diagnosis, my sexual response and association with sexual touch was (and continues to be) in serious trouble. I was refered and immediately got a phone call from the director of the program at the hospital. I got all the information I needed and talked to my the director at my new job W&T for the time off to complete the MVP program. I was once again THRILLED when the W&T director in her office gave me a big hug and said "you MUST do this!". What an answer to prayer, to have been hired on by such an incredibly understanding company and get into the MVP program at the hospital for such a horrible vulva disease.

So here I am...

A confirmed (again!) sufferer of provoked Vestibulodynia, going through a program that I hope will save my sex life. I will blog some of my experiences through this program, as it is incredibly helpful for me to sort of "journal" these moments. But I will keep it somewhat vague, since we are talking about a very intimate part of my anatomy and relationship with my hubby.

My number one goal right now: getting to the point where I will have the ability to conceive a child without the fear or experience of tremendous pain.

Wish me luck!
N.

A boy!

I wanted to introduce you to my newest nephew, David Nicolaus Stehr. I can't wait to meet him this summer, he is just perfect!

New hair!

I desperately needed my hair done and was THRILLED that my friend (and hairdresser) was available. So take a look, I loooooove my hair like this!

Don't cha love the sexy foils!

All done and looking sexy!

Happy weekend!

N.

Supervisor

So today as I was trying to convince Cam to let me have a cup of his coffee, my phone rang. "Nicole, so Teacher D is sick, you need to be the supervisor today. All day! I got you subs." my response? "um... What? Ok. Thanks." insert brief panic attack followed by quick sprinting to get out the door and to work early to get things set up. All in all, it was a FANTASTIC day!

I've been praying lots for God to show me if I'm in the right spot. Please God, show me that I can do this. All of it, please bring me confidence and belief in my abilities. He answered those prayers today. Because honestly, I rocked it!! :)

So Teacher D, it's ok if you get sick! I promise I can take care of things.

Happy Friday,

Teacher N.

A little of this and that

So we got a lot of snow this past week, so much so that I cried in my car on the way to work one morning. I was petrified that I wouldn't make it there and instead hit black ice and end up in a ditch. I love snow, but despise driving in it. Sadie (my car) didn't even start one morning, I was late for work but just glad that my dad was home and able to take me in my little brothers car. That was definitely the worst morning so far, there was even a spider in my shower that morning. BUT now there is rain, no snow.

I've been reading this great book by Joyce Meyers about health and worthiness. It's inspired me to pay attention to what I eat once again and start exercising on a daily basis. So now I'm tracking my calories and waking up at 6am to use the gym in my garage. I'm honestly loving it, I'm not weighing myself cause frankly I don't care about that. I just want to be healthy.

I only have one week left at work before I go down to four days a week for two months. That's another post, I'm still not too sure how much I want to share. But I will say that I'm going to be participating in a treatment at Vancouver Hospital.

Well... Time for my lazy Sunday to commence.

Blessings, N.

A pic of my new favorite book (below)

dinner... whole wheat waffles

A big plateful of YUM! And I can't have waffles without a cup of tea. All around delicious!

The beauty of home

A nice walk with my hubby in the pretty snow covered neighborhood. I truly adore where I live, I don't want to be anywhere else.

Sickly

I promised Cam that this year 2012, I would try hard not to complain as much. I had NO idea that I had come to be such a frequent complainer. Which is definitely NOT ok.

Currently however, I am STILL sick for now my fourth week and I'm done with it. Going through box after box of tissues is just a pain and I'm exhausted from constant coughing!

Tonight I even stubbed my toe so hard (I have tremendously bad luck with that) that I started crying hysterically. Cam took pictures of my little melt down but I'm not posting them!

Please body, I beg you, get better soon.

N.

End of complaints. Good night!

New years (a little late)

I realize that this post is a little late, but I figured that was ok. My New Years eve was actually quite different this year (like everything else about Xmas 2011). We went to my bestie's house, her boyfriend was there and my brother came along. It was a lot of fun! We played games, ate a good meal and counted down to midnight. Good times were had by all.

I've been thinking a lot lately about this new year 2012 and the plans that Cam and I have for the year. I don't really do resolutions, I have goals for myself but that's about it.

Here are a few of our plans/goals to share for 2012:
* Continue to work on making this new home feel like home. Paint the bedrooms and bathroom, get area rugs, shelving, pictures framed, a shelving unit for the living space, finish the mini projects in the kitchen, get the curtains up.
* Pay off Sadie (our car) while saving up for a down payment for a future home. Go and speak to the bank about mortgages and what we need to do to get what we want.
* The talk of pregnancy and having a baby is becoming a very frequent conversation for us. Maybe there will be a baby to join our family this year? I won't give more details on this until a test says (+).
* Stay at home and don't go traveling anywhere outside BC. Take a few camping trips this year close by.
* Send Cam to school in the coming fall to start on his horticultural degree for his landscaping career.

A few plans/goals I have for myself to share for 2012:
* Get healthy! Kick sugar from my diet, start exercising. I'm not interested in going on a diet I just want to get healthy and strive to eat healthier.
* Finish all the classes I need to complete by the end of this year so all I'll have left to complete in 2013 will be practicums and observation papers! Then I'll have my full ECE license.
* Start spending more time in prayer and with my bible. Start trying to listen to what God is saying and to not be afraid of the change that He may be making in my life.
* Make my treatment at Vancouver General Hospital a top priority. Do exactly what they say, and believe that I can achieve healing through the program.

I think that's about it! I'm really proud of Cam and I. The year 2011 was fantastic, it was really busy but we had some great changes happen. We moved into a bigger space paying less rent, I went to school and got a great full time job in my career choice. Cam decided to make landscaping his career choice over youth work. We bought a car, we did a lot in our home to make it ours. We travelled to Vegas, Harrison Hot Springs and Winnipeg. Wow! What a year.

Thanks for reading and we wish you a really great New Year 2012!

Blessings, N.

Train stopped me on my way home from work!

More Xmas fun

This is my niece Jackie, she consistently climbed into my lap while we were there in Winnipeg for Christmas. I got a lotta love, hugs, kisses and joy from being with her! What a great Christmas break! :)



When we got back home from Winnipeg, we got to have Christmas with my side of the family!!! A true Kroeker family Christmas, with presents and fantastic food! The best Christmas day on December 29th that we've ever had!! I got these (below) from my little brother, SO comfy!



I hope everyone's celebrations were fantastic this season. I know we had 2 solid weeks of fun fun fun! Although I'm sad (and a bit nervous) to get back into the routine of full time work... I'm thrilled to get back into the swing of things and "real life". Plus, before I know it I'll have another 2 weeks off in march for spring break AND I don't have night classes this semester. Yippee!

Blessings, N.

Christmas eve winnipeg emergency experience

Never did I think that I'd spend any amount of time in emergency on a Christmas eve but I did the other day. Don't worry, it wasn't an emergency but all the clinics around here were full and my cough turned on me. My lungs started hurting/aching the night of December 23rd and I was puking up stuff and hacking out green thick stuff so I figured a check up was required. I got to emergency, was registered and in minutes called up for blood work, brought to the back of the hospital, given a gown, a bed and told to pee in a cup. I was honestly horrified! We (cam & I) waited for what felt like a lifetime (while listening to a poor man talk about his recent stroke adjacent to where we were) then the doc came in. She looked at me and kinda chuckled, said that the urine test and blood test were unnecessary (really? Great!). She listened to my lungs and concluded that I have bronchitis, gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. What an unforgettable Winnipeg Christmas eve!!! Now I just need to wait for this cough to take its course, I could have it for up to a month more... depending if it's viral or bacterial. This is what happens when you work with eighty children who cough on you! At least they are lovable, cute and incredibly fun to teach. Or else I may be a bit bitter about the Christmas sickness. The Christmas gifts I got from them help me through the coughing too! :)

One more week then it's back to work!!
Blessings, N.

Location:Winnipeg,Canada

Merry Christmas everyone!

What a beautiful time of year! Merry Christmas from Winnipeg! We will be back home on the 28th to celebrate with my side of the family.


What a beautiful bunch of children, love them to bits.


Our puppy niece juno, what a sweetie!

Happy holidays to family and friends we love!
N.

Location:Des Meurons Rue,Winnipeg,Canada

Stockings are ready!

I had a vision a couple years ago (our 1st xmas) concerning how I could personalize our stockings for Christmas. This year since there would be many stocking gifts and we had no way to distinguish whose stocking was whose. I took the time to make them our own. Cam requested the snowman, so I tried to make him as cute as possible! And I made myself the xmas tree, I'm going to eventually get beads for it, just not this year. I love how they turned out! I'm very very happy! Who knew I could be that creative with some left over felt and thread???








Now we are ready for christmas, officially!!!

We are off to Winnipeg at 6am in the morning tomorrow! Pray that we get there safely please.

Christmas Blessings,
N.

Life is hard these days!

What a beautiful place to be for our anniversary!

N.

Location:Harrison Hot Springs,Canada

Anniversary get away!

So we are off!!! And taking full advantage of our time off (for xmas) to get away for our 3rd anniversary to Harrison hot springs for 2 nights. We have dinner planned tonight at a very nice German restaurant, then it's dinner tomorrow at the Copper room in our hotel. With lots of hot tubbing in between. It's going to help this very nasty cold I've had since Friday.

I'm so excited to get away with my hubby... Just us, no other family but our own! It's going to be so nice!

N.

Location:Harrison Hot Springs,Canada

Merry & joyful :)

I'm enjoying the Christmas tree, a glass of red wine, a great new recipe for dinner and the company of my husband. I really LOVE my life, I truly haven't been this happy in a while. It's like everything I've ever wanted in life has been granted (just need a baby and it would be perfect!).

Only 9 more days and I'll be celebrating the holiday with my Stehr in-law family in Winnipeg. I can't wait :)


Our pretty tree...

N.

What a weekend!

Today was a good day! Actually this whole weekend was great, but let's start with what I did today!!

A very good friend of mine is preggo and due middle of January (16th to be exact) so we threw her a baby shower! And it was a lot of fun!! We played the "don't say baby, baby" game, the "name the poop" game and "how many sour soothers?" game. We decorated, ate lots and lots of food and had many laughs! She also got tons of gifts. I hope you had a great time Alissa Dueck, we love ya!

Saturday was just as fun! The company that Cam works for had their Christmas party and it was a blast! We went to a pub, in a limo! We even got some great gifts, thank you to Sue aka. Boss lady.


Pretty tree outside the pub on Saturday night, it was HUGE!!

I'm SO excited for our Winnipeg Christmas this year. It's going to be so much fun, T-minus 11 days until we leave for the Stehr family Christmas and 7 days until our 2nd honeymoon to Harrison hot springs! And only 1 more week of work full of Christmas activities and performances it's going to be crazy fun.

Lots to look forward to :)
N.