I really love this picture, and not because my face looks huge or because this was taken on Cams birthday. but just cause its "us"... relaxing and having fun. so I thought I'd share.

well... nothing exciting has happened at all lately, like nothing at all! hahaha... well, other then this wonderful woman who I know, from somewhere. I know its bad, but I honestly have no idea where I know her from. But anyways!
She knows of a counselling office in Abbotsford which is chrisitian and geared for pregnant teens and those struggling with having an abortion or such cases. Exactly what I want to get into when I graduate from CBC, and what Im looking into for an internship for my third year. Not this next year coming but the year after. so... YAY!
if I can volunteer there, or at least have coffee with some of the ladies that run it, and learn from them.. then that would be incredible!
so this woman I know that Im not sure if I actually know.. is getting me all the contact information I need.
I know its going to be hard to volunteer and connect there my first semester cause Im going to be so swamped. But it'll be sooo nice to get my "foot in the door" as my dad always says. or at least make it known that Im interested in that career choice and heading in that general direction and want some "mentoring" or help getting there.

yay... Im excited!

Blessings on ya! ;)

i believe that this summer is going to end up being something incredible for me. a change, a chance to grow in becoming the person i know that i am. in doing the things that ive always wanted to do. like paint! im SO EXCITED to finally paint. and the best part about it is my grandmother is a crazy good painter, i mean shes pro. so i must have some talent hidden within my genes somewhere! i asked her if she would show me how, get me started and she told me not to buy anything cause she has it all... perfect! however, she did tell me that the best thing to do to start is to sketch, so i need to go to Micheals and get me a sketch book with some pencils. im a little afraid that im going to suck! but i'll grow in it..

maybe when im a little bit more confident i'll post something ive done... when i finally produce something, yay for growth. that although its painful, its beautiful as well!

Be Blessed! :)

Pictues like I promised! My new Haircut! LOVE IT! What about you!?

well... I got a hair cut! totally spontaneous and completely shorter than I had oringinally hoped for, but hey! its a change. I will post a pic once I get back on my own computer at home in surrey with internet access, its frustrating to have no internet here in my apartment at CBC... Im really REALLY nervous about what my parents and Cam will say, but they need to love me, short hair and all anyways! :) **heehee** tonz of girls here say they love it, so thats such an encouragement... I love it too, just total shock right now, thats all!
Be Blessed!

yesturday i came to the point of realising that the ankle that i now have which is messed up and sprained i have no desire what - so - ever! to fix. what!?!?! this is what im a little afraid of... it seems so strange that having an injury like this would in no way bring me to want to change it. and i know for a fact that this is not a healthy thought process. it can't be... there is no way. ive been thinking, contemplating, wondering how in the world i can change this... pray for me!? im icing my ankle by the way and its slowly getting better, im wanting to finally do something about it.

why do things need to be so hard??... sometimes I just want to cry and pray with heart felt tears for things to just be better, for anything to happen to make it better.
Father God, I need a hug.

at the dinner table yesturday I was given the news that a girl who went here to CBC last year was killed in an avalanche.
the news has shocked me and although I do not know the girl personally, her boyfriend still goes here to CBC and lives in the OL house (outdoor leadership house) where a couple of my friends live. I do not know James, but I can only imagine the pain that he is experiencing and it's brought me to tears several times since yesturday.
the unnerving reality that death is sudden and real... and even that death can happen to those who I love and hold dear, that cam, my parents, family, friends are not safe from it, and neither am I. i never want to experience receiving a phone call hearing of cam or anyone else for that matter, who has passed suddenly.

so here is my heartfelt sorry.. for James, for Kims family and all those that have been affected by her death. I am so so so so sooo sorry, that this has happened, and I pray with all of my heart and energy that God will bring peace and comfort to you.
God Bless.

okay... so Im going to be writting my paper tomorrow and doing my argument on tuesday in class on my ethical issue. However, I want your opinion and advice when it comes to my topic, everything you got. For or Against. Get me thinking about more angles, there is tonz of research in this, its VERY interesting! (at least to me!) so... leave me a comment. PLEASE! :)

POST-MENOPAUSAL PREGNANCIES
having a child after menopause which average age is about 55-56 years old.

how ethical is this? considering the child's life.

I loooove being spontaneous, its one of my favorite things EVER! next to being surprised, which Cam has taken to doing lots and lots of which is super sweet! Past Sunday was one of those spontaneous times... after a halarious lingere shower for Lena, Nan and I drove home to Abby and since the sun was out, our shades were on and the music was blared, Nan had the fantastic idea of going to the tunnels outside of Hope just to hang out, so we did!! We pulled into the parking lot of CBC, grabbed Cam, Julie and Caitlin and took off! It was soooo much fun! if only we had rememberd to bring a flashlight though!! opps on that one... but seriously it was georgous!! absolutely beautiful, yet the tunnels were terrifying you couldnt see a thing!

At least I had fun on the sunday, cause the rest of this past week has been sucky to say the least. I was horribly sick with stomach cramps and head aches/dizzyness on Monday... Cam was a SWEETHEART! and surprised me with Ben and jerrys icecream and some cuddles! :) my favorites!! then Tuesday along with what was left of the cramps and dizzyness I sprained my ankle going up the stairs to go to Vespers, I didnt think much of it cause it didnt hurt too much...but when I tried to walk home, Cam had to help steady me and I used him as my "cane" for the rest of the way... now it hasnt gotten better, but worse and Cam was sooo sweet to take me to the clinic yesturday afternoon to get it checked out. The doctor was no help at all, but did tell me Im not allowed to work all weekend or walk around too much, I have to ice it as much as possible on a pillow for height... yep! sucky!
but O well... at least I had my super sweet man to take care of me all week long! which he did! I love him! :)

Blessings and please pray for my foot :'( Im such a gimp right now!

its been a while...sorry guys!
life has been very busy, lots of homework to get done, most of which I finished Monday and Tuesday, all the small stuff so that I can get started and keep focus on the big stuff! like my ethical reasoning paper.

Im doing the ethical issue of post-menopausal pregnancies, meaning woman who have babies when they are not physically able anymore through fertalization. there is something about this that makes me angry!!! I mean... why would a woman be so selfish as to bring a baby into the world, only to "enjoy" that child for a short amount of time because of the reality that woman in their 60's don't usually live very much longer! I find that its kinda crazy... but thats just my opinion.
Im also doing an assignment with Alissa on Haggai in the minor prophets, this assignment is very very fun!
next is my Anabaptist integration paper... long and all about how the Anabaptist movement of the 16th century has effected my own theology and in what ways, this one Im looking foward to writing (i love writing anyways!) but I think its going to be more challenging.... O well, a challenge is good!

so yep! thats going to be my life for the next three weeks O well!

o... I know what Im taking next semester already!

Biblical Hermenutics
Intro to Phsycology 1
Intro to Counselling 1
Marriage and Family

It'll be a good one! although Im thinking of throwing in another biblical elective just to make it 15 credits, but we'll see.
till next time! :)

Blessings!

so Im aware that this is an old picture, taken on Cams birthday last year (april 17) BUT the reason for the post is that... I GOT CONTACTS TODAY!!! and this picture represents the last time I wore contacts for an extended amount of time, before I ran out and became a broke college student. Now that my glasses broke, and I took a kaaa-ching outta my bank account... my parents were kind enough to step in and offer to buy me contacts from costco for a third of the price my glasses cost and half the price I paid last year to have contacts! so yippeee.. for finding a waaaaay cheaper way to buy contacts and a even louder yippeee that my mommy and daddy are happy and loving enough (out of pity I guess) to buy me a six-month supply... heck! I should accidently break more expensive yet manditory stuff more often! :) *heehee*... I'll post another more recent pic of my non-glass wearing lifestyle as soon as Im back at school and re-united with my camera, maybe I'll coax Cam into a pic as well!

**Hugz** and Blessings to all!

O... and yes, DON'T FORGET to spring ahead tonight! :)

take a look at this cuttie!! isnt she ADORABLE!? and check out her super sweet shirt? like? thats right, I picked it out! Jen just sent me this picture and since its too cute for words I thought I'd post it to show off one of the two amazingly adorable baby girls!! each one belonging to one of two of Cams sisters... Michele, you've got to send me a pic of Jaclyn in her shirt when shes fitting into it and when you get the chance! Plllllease! **puppy eyes**


O and I couldnt resist not posting this one... yep, thats Cam! No, not the one wearing yellow! ;)
Blessings!!

I finally watched it today!... PETER PAN! and it was GREAT!... o, how I missed the adventure :)
I was up till very late last night, 4:00am writing an exegetical paper on Jonah 2:1-10
12 pages! oooo yah.... way too long though, I know that I went over, but its too hard to just keep the thing to only 9-10. Yikies! O well... whats done is done.
But now... BED!

Blessings! :)

I am sooo excited! and probably really geek like to post this... but my FAVORITE Disney film is coming out of the vault on Tuesday!! can you guess which one?? PETER PAN! I dunno, something about the adventure of pirates, the living in trees and not wanting to grow up. I've always loved this classic! hook, the newer live Peter pan version and the recent finding Neverland have all helped urge on my love for this story! Yet, you can always find me at the end of the film getting mad at Peter Pan for not going back with Wendy... and staying in Neverland (especially when I watch the newer live one). BAAAA!!!! makes me so angry... cause if you love the girl, then be with her! (geezz)... **heehee** but never-the-less, this one most definatly beats out those girly princess Disney films, like snow white and beauty and the beast... I much rather be tinker bell or wendy, then ariel or cinderella! Fighting off pirates and living in a cool tree house!
well.... can you guess what I'll hopefully be doing Tuesday night??? YOU GUESSED IT! other then writing my huge minor prophets paper, My eyes will be set to the screen watching the classic Ive missed seeing for years!

the snow stopped **sniff sniff** ... not enough for making snowmen or wearing sweatpants all day. Darnit! O well, at least I cleaned my room, so I was some-what productive today!
Although.... I think Im still going to go and make that hot chocolate! :P

IT'S SNOWING OUTSIDE!!!
cam wins... he said it would snow, I said that it would rain.
He was right, I was wrong.
O well, at least tomorrow I have an excuse to make a snowman and drink hot chocolate while wearing my sweatpants all day long!
yippppeeee.... I loooove winter!

HAPPY ONE YEAR!!! (yesturday)
so... February 24, 2007 was Cam and I's one year anniversary!
I was soooo super happy and excited to be celebrating such a special day. The day before Cam asked me to meet him at Willowbrook mall at 9:45 the morning of the 24th. Of course I was there early. I had nooooo idea what to expect, and since I love surprises, Cam has taken a liking to surprising me every chance he gets! (yippeee) He made sure I had no idea...
so he took me through Sears, while telling me that "the mall was a decoy, we're not actually doing anything there" minutes after he says this he spots the photo studio and leads me in.. he had set up an appointment for us to get professional photos done!!!
it was SUCH A SWEET IDEA! and it was soooooo much fun, a memory not soon forgotten.
After we went for brunch at White Spot thanks to Jason who gave us a gift card for Christmas... we both enjoyed eggs benedict (our favorite).
Then I had to take him to the ferry terminal for him to catch the 1:05pm ferry to the Island where he is right now...
an awesome morning spent with my wonderful man! :)

So... the most tragic thing happened. On Wednesday I was in prayer counselling, and it was going soooooooo good! Everything was great! and I thought "hey! I should clean my glasses, just cause their dirty and I have a midterm soon" yep. BAD IDEA! They snapped in half in my hands!!!! SO I had to tape them together for temorary relief from blindness... twenty minutes after and I was writing a midterm in Timothy and Titus class, sooo many people made fun of me :'( **sniff sniff** but its alright... I had fun with it!
The Good news is... I GOT A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES! Which I am super happy about. Cam loves them, my parents appreciate them, and I paied for them.. therefore I Love them. I got a great deal too, which was a blessing. So.. thats my story! Im also getting contacts again tomorrow, so I will be back to contacts and everyonce in a while be wearing these super sexy new glasses!

I GOT TO SEE THE BABIES AGAIN today!!! :D
yippeee...... I had such a blast, I LOVED it. I just hope I dont have to wait as long for the next time I see them... now its time to meet Jen and Michele's husbands, then I can finally say Ive met them all.

I took some photos of my own this time, and Jen is emailing me some more soon but here we go!

Here I am holding Addison again... shes SOOOO sweet! They both are!






This is Jen and Addison!








Another one of Addie, but can you see that her hair is sticking up? Super sweet! :)








Here is Michele and Jaclyn!!










Baby Jaclyn again!! I looove her green sleeper.

yesturday was one of my most exciting days! I FINALLY got to meet Jen and Michele, Cams older sisters, and let me tell you... they are GREAT! I had such a fun time with them, and I am so blessed because they were/are seriously interested in getting to know me, and they were both very excited to meet me as well.
I was giddy all day! :)
Also, I got to meet Addison (Jens daughter) and Jaclyn (Micheles daughter) these kids are BEAUTIFUL! very very VERY cute! Whenever Cam or Kelvin (cams dad) was ready to hand over one I would volunteer!!!! I LOVE babies, and I especially love these two.
I felt so honored to be apart of that family get together, I felt so welcomed and so appreciated.. it was great!
Also... what was sooooo much fun, was that Jen offered to show me Cams baby/kid/teenage photos, so Michele and Jen sat with me on the couch while they pulled out photo after photo of Cam as a kid. HE WAS SOOOO ADORABLE!!!! seriously, even his "geeky" stage was super sweet! :) It made me smile all that much more!
They are coming back this year for Christmas 2007, so I will get to see them again this year! I am excited... the babies are going to be huge compared to now, but then I'll be able to go shopping again for them! yipppeee....
I copied some pics off of Micheles blog thats the link for it, if you wanna see more pics.


I am holding Addison and Cam is holding Jaclyn... awwww, Cam! always the funny faces **heehee** :)

so... you're probably wondering what Cam did for me for Valentines day... huh??
well! He woke up at 7:30 in the morning! which is UNHEARD OF for him. He decided that surprising me just after 8am would throw me off and I would talk to him (remember I wasn't supposed to because of the game).. anyways, he banged on the door for like ten minutes waiting for me to wake up, and then waited for me to get to the door... I finally let him in and the surprise was AWESOME! I LOVE BEING SUPRISED.

He came to me with a huge boquet of carnation flowers, and my FAVORITE Ben and Jerrys icecream.. it was the SWEETEST thing ever!!!





but... I didnt talk, and didnt talk all day to him because of that stupid game. I could have been with him all day, instead, I only was with him for a bit.
next year. I AM NOT PLAYING!

and I DO NOT want to be pressured again to not talk to my boyfriend on what was supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. I am so angry against my entire unit and all my friends for making me do it.. and making me feel horribly guilty for not wanting to. AAAAHHHH... GRRRR....
I just wanted an amazing day with Cam and instead I watched girly movies and made a house out of felt for Nantina. **angry face**

yes... I am bitter! :P

but, Cam... was AMAZING! on that day... I have such a wonderful man! :D

Blessings!

tomorrow is valentines day!
am I excited?? Heck yes I am! WHY?? you ask??... well, you see there is a game at CBC which is called something like "heart day!" or whatever. Pretty much the girls on campus make carboard hearts and decorate them with their names on it... they then are unable to talk to all boys on campus until 6pm, unless they want to give up their heart. the boys with the most hearts in the end (taken from girls, by making them talk) and the girls with the most hearts at the end (who have not talked to boys and get to keep their hearts) wins a pizza party with some other goodies. My unit is DETERMINED! to win, plus my RA wants pizza badly, the food here is horrible some days, well... most days, and we're desperate for some good junk food.
PROBLEM!!!
Cam is DETERMINED! to get my heart... I told him that he Must do something exceptionally extrodinary for me to talk to him... so now Im scared to see what hes going to come up with. NO smile, or childish little gesture is going to make me say anything... it needs to be GOOD!
I'll let you know what happened... and what he tried so hard with... but hes had a grin on his face for the past week, with his sly little comments like "we'll see about you keeping your heart on valentines day!" I know he had to fight for the car for tomorrow too, so there must be something up! hmmmm.... I keep trying to figure it out! maybe mini-golfing??? we ALWAYS go mini-golfing!!
but yes... so tomorrow, Nantina has decided to be my escort for the day, walking with me everywhere so that I do not talk to Cam, then I'll lock myself in one of the Medowoods girls apartments for the day... this way, my unit isnt going to hate me when I break down and talk to Cam...

anyways... fingers crossed that I keep it... I want pizza too! :)
Be BLessed!!!!

so I've been tagged by my friend Heather also known to be Calamity Jane, her blog is great, you should check it out...
so apparently Im supposed to write out

6 Weird Things You May or May Not Have Known About Me (or were afraid to know)
to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what to put down here.

1. I hate sleeping in a house alone... I dunno, just the fact that at anytime someone could break into the house and kill me while Im sleeping and there would be nobody to save me, scares me half to death. I will NOT sleep in any house alone... even my place at school. I had a hard enough time sleeping in the doorm room last year by myself when Holly was gone, and there were 50 other people in the building... but nobody in the immediate room... nobody to come to my resuce when someone might possibly kill me! I know.... Im paranoid!

2. I eat with plastic cutlery... I hate eating with metal spoons, knives and forks. Even when Im at home, I especially hate it at school. I won't eat with a fork if there aren't any plastic ones left... why? I like chewing on it! or just the thought that possibly 499 other people may have sucked on that same fork grosses me out! I dunno... but people ALWAYS look at me strange when I go for the plastic.... I just say "dont ask!" and usually, they still do!

3. I hate the color blue... I like navy blue, its different, its darker and more attractive. but blue... no thanks! even the color of the button I could press to save this blog entry... UGLY!
yet everyone likes to point out that Cams eyes are blue... his eyes, amazing! anything else thats close to lightish, royal like blue... **thumbs down**

4. Im obessed with peppermint, its my favorite! I have peppermint tea, cough candies, lip gloss, gum, tooth paste, candy, icecream, hot chocolate, coffee.... yep! all of it! what can I say? Its good!

5. I love elephants... they're big, yet gentle like, crinkly and yet have a little bit of hair on the tops of their heads. One of my greatest ambitions is to ride an elephant, maybe one of these days! :)

6. last one huh!? ummmmmm........
American Eagle is my favorite clothing store, when Im in a mall.. I CAN NOT go past it without going in, rarely do I buy from there but never the less, I cant pass it without stopping, Cam usually grabs onto my hand and holds it tight when we walk past when we're in the mall, he knows me too well! :)

yep... so there we have it. 6 some-what interesting facts you may or may not know about me! but now you do... so there :P
and now... I will tag....

lauren

Dara

Kortney

Holly

Mr. Jon Poon

and Heather (even though she already did it!)


PS: I got a 80% on that Timothy and Titus paper! which is an A- which is IMPOSSIBLE to do with that professor! Im super happy! :)

so Im done my papers!!! YIPPEEE!!! :D
I was officially done last night at 2:30am... Im exhausted though.. sleep didnt happen until 3:30am.
O well... at least theres... NO HOMEWORK THIS WEEK!!!!
life is good that way! ;)

so at this moment I am researching for my Timothy and Titus paper. I am excited to do this paper, as it is from the text, 1 Timothy 2:8-15. which speaks about how women are supposed to be "quiet" and "submissive" and to not have any authority over a man... its a verse that many people would avoid at all costs. Yet, I, of course, am too curious to just ignore the possibility to do a paper on it... but here is what Ive come to agree with as I've been researching...

"Eve's being made after Adam, and out of him, puts an honor upon that sex, as the glory of man (1 Cor. 11:7). If man is the head, she is the crown... The man was dust refined, but the womam was dust double-refined, one removed further from the earth. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved." Matthew Henry

so my head hurts sooo much right now... I dont understand why, I never get headaches, really I dont! But of course, just as I am to write my huge Timothy and Titus paper that is due on monday, I get a huge headache!!! :'( **sniff sniff**
O well, I have all morning and night tomorrow and then all morning again sunday to finish it.....

I feel lately like Ive been pulled in so many different directions, I have soooo many people asking to have coffee with me, or talk, or hang out...and I love these people, these people are my closest friends, yet my life is so crazy insane and full of things non-stop everyday that I feel as though these demands from other people are the hardest things to fulfill....
I have school work, work, school classes in general, and as much as most people hate hearing me say it, time with Cam is essential for me...
so when others at school, at home, where-ever ask for some of my time, I feel horrible because I have no time to give, hardly any to offer, and then I have next to none for myself...

how can I juggle it all?

If you ask me for coffee and Im unable to do it for a while... please try and understand. I have 5 coffee dates waiting who just live in surrey, more people at school who I love and adore asking for my time as well, my amazing boyfriend who I just want to be with all the time needs to see me too... I go home weekends for work and go to school full time.... BAA!!!!

just so everyone knows who reads this!
YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME! you really are... just please try and understand how much I am trying to make time for you! :)
be paitent with me!

Be Blessed! :)

so I picked up the book "captivating" on friday afternoon, last night I started reading it and today Im having a hard time putting it down, even though there are two research essays I absolutely have to get done soon.

This book has opened up my eyes to a huge reality which I have been struggling with every since Cam and I started dating and has seemingly not gone away.
I long, I THRIVE, no.. I desire with every part of my being to be persued, loved, taken care of, protected, chased after and told that I am beautiful.
I desire to be held when I am sick, to be stared at when I am stunning, to be chased when I am busy, to be kissed when I am vunerable... to be protected when I am scared, to be loved when I am angry, to be entertained when I cant seem to smile, and to be told that I am everything he has ever wanted, that I am the angel he has prayed for and can not seem to understand how I came into his life.
I long, want and was created to be... persued, and beautiful.

I do not think that guys understand this longing that most women have, (some more than others) to be chased after, protected and taken care of.
And when we do not feel this way, when our men do not "get it"... it hurts us to the very core of our being.
Yet, I also think that some men do "get it" but are clueless as to how they are supposed to "measure up" to the expectations that some women have.
I hate that Ive even put up those expectations... those which I have torn down.

TRY!!!!! o my goodness just TRY!
say that you love her, say that she is the best thing thats happened to you since take out sushi! ;)
TELL HER SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
surprise her with a date, surprise her by showing up at her house with flowers, surprise her with Ben N' Jerrys icecream... find her and give her the sweetest hug and kiss just because you couldnt stand being without any longer.

I have truely come to realise how important this is to me... that this is the way that I feel and that its okay because I was created in the likeness of God, I was created to be vunerable, beautiful, and a delight.
Praise God!

PS: TODAY IS CAM's AND I ELEVEN MONTH!!!

woot woot! **doing a little dance :P **
I know... Im a dork, but still... can't a girl be happy!? and proclaim her love for her boyfriend, well, I won't be quite that descriptive other then:

I LOVE YOU CAMERON LYLE STEHR!
**heehee**

so this is the word of the day: HEALING

what did you think I was going to talk about??? hhaha... you're probably thinking, "this again Nicole, you always talk about healing... its like your obsessed" YEP! good observation and I probably am, but this is because its so very real in my life that there is nothing else I ponder really, Other than the revelations of Christ, Of course!

last night at vespers there was a song about healing and it really brought me to start thinking again about what it truely means to be healed and to be walking in healing, what I really have started to appreciate is to see myself as a person of healing grace... as a person being healed by God in the grace of God, to not see my "disease" of negative thought or self destruction, but to see the healing which is taking place every single day! I love this revelation of thought...

... I absolutely LOVE Romans chapter six verses ninteen to twenty three, which reads:

19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[b] Christ Jesus our Lord.

LET YOUR BODY, SOUL AND LIFE BE USED FOR GODS RIGHTEOUSNESS!!!
AMEN!
Be Blessed! ;)

although the pain of realtionships are still very real and still a very repeating process, i have discovered that the joys of realtionships continously overthrow the bad encounters.
things are good... life is wonderful... and the darkness of night has brightened with singing birds and blooming flowers. what has progressed you may ask to make me talk of birds and flowers?
the acknowledgement that i am among the fallen in the world....what i mean is that my thoughtprocesses have caused me more harm than good, on most days. I now have to come to terms that there will always be a fight in the way I think, and that capturing my thoughts is a practice i need in every way to learn..
the enemy has made expert attempts in making one feel rotten and distorting their mind to think of themselves as nothing other than the fallen being they are.
ive got news!
I AM WORTHY! and so are you!
yesturday morning i walked into my prayer counsellors office... (you may gasp at the notion that one like me would ever dream of going to prayer counselling, not that "one like me" is even meant to sound like i am near better than anyone else, i am not, which is my point)But if you read in my previous posts you will discover that God has done things in my life that no other could possibly do... healing has been my "foundation word" among others as the theme of my past six months... but what i am really trying to get at is that the thought proccess which i was indugling in was nowhere near healthy... and nothing like what God has been trying to whisper in my ear
so what are the whispers that resound after chasing away the lies????
that I AM LOVABLE!
I AM BEAUTIFUL... and I AM A CHILD OF GOD!
this I know with more than anything now... is TRUTH! Praise God!
when lies seem to be the foundation of your thoughts, serious consequences become what you start to live out... which seep into the everyday of life, relationships and all.
i no longer long to "fix" no longer long to "control" no longer feel the threat of unworthyness and unlove... i recongize now that i am truely a fallen human soul, and so is my scooby of a man, But... I am also saved by the grace of God...
i can not... i REFUSE to allow myself to beleive that all my worth depends and is laid within the boundries of my previous "happily ever after" mentality, which is of itself a falseness, an obvious lie!
To lay the monster burden of dependance and completeness on the man I love is false as well, that is a shoe that only God can fill...
I am WORTHY enough and worth enough to change myself, for myself but most importantly for God and in the basis of God changing me for him... not solely for another human, even if that human is the one which happens to be the love of my life...

PRAISE GOD! another wall has fallen, may it never be built again.

Be Blessed! :)

as i sit here...
there are so many things going through my head.. about life, love, relationships, people. i guess i dont understand sometimes why emotional pain can come so easy and yet be so complicated to understand, or express. there is so much flooding my mind in regards to one of the most important relationships in my life... so many questions unanswered, so many misunderstandings and things i dont believe i will ever understand about him... there is pain, sorrow, deep burdens that seem to never lift themselves off of me. im not entirely sure what im getting at.. or if what i say here has any reason to be said, i dont know what will result from a nights conversation, or if the "dream" of happily ever after will ever really be "happily", i wish that it can and in a lot of ways i believe and trust in the promise that it may and it could. but who would have ever thought that love could be this painful and this complicated?? i thought that you love, and then thats it... life makes sence, yet when in fact it seems that you love and life gets more complicated, the mirrior is infront of you and you dont wish to take a look at yourself... isnt that apart of it all? taking a look at yourself? loving another with the expectation and assumption of personal change? i believe so... in lots of ways i want to change to benefit another, in regards to less emotional trama, less selfishness, less anger, less "blowing up" and less want for myself... isnt that what love and marriage are all about? giving to another your complete self... desiring to better yourself for the sake of the other? i dont know anymore, things seem so complicated when it seems like they could be so simple... love is so hard when it should be so easy... i dont expect answers tonight... i dont really expect anything but a hug and a few tears... i guess i mostly expect another painful episode and another cuddle session with my Columbia girls, nothing has changed so far, so why could i expect a change now? yet the Godly voice still resounds in my ear "stay... I promise..." so that i will do... i still love, i still love very much, i just wish it could be easier.

ps. my eye... sooo much better! Praise God! Because i wouldnt of been able to handle an infection with school going full swing

so here I am... back at Columbia. I am sooo happy that I am back.
I mean I love my family and all, they are great! But I was just wanting to get out and be on my own again. Yippeee... for being here and finally getting back into the swing of things with classes and all, but thank goodness that doesnt start up until wednesday!!!!

news on my eye you ask?
still taking antibiotics for it... its been doing alright, until this morning where it hurts really badly again! :S BAAAAA!!!!
but everything should be well again soon. **fingers crossed**
at least my eye doesnt still look swelled, although Im still not allowed to wear eye makeup. O Well!

Be Blessed! :)

I am officially a gimp, why you might ask? Look at this picture, I didnt post it just because I like taking pictures of myself for fun, but because look at my right eye compared to my left eye. Doesnt it look like Im squinting or that my right eye is just shut a little bit too much? No my eyes are not naturally that way, it just decided to do that on wednesday morning and hasnt gone away! My eye is swelling, and it HURTS, not just a slight itch... it HURTS! It has a sharping, horrible pain whenever I close my eye, squint or slightly touch the surrounding area. I even went to the clinic yesturday where the nice doctor guy said "well, I dont know why your eye is swelled like that, I do not see anything... so here are some anti-bacterial drops just in case!" Thanks kind doctor, I really appreciate that you told me you have no idea after I waited a hour and a half to see you! :P O well, I got the drops, they make my eye sting and nothing has changed but I hope things do... I dont want to drive right now in fear that my eye will all the sudden blur on me, that'd be scary! But this isnt the best part, Ive been biten by my adorable ten pound dog, smashed my finger at work where it completely turned blue and was horrible to bend to having my eye swell up on me and make me cry, which made me cry even more because the crying hurt so much I cried.... yep! All in a week..wow, isnt that sad?
Cam asked me to not do anything else that would cause me physical harm for the rest of this week, ive pretty much covered the basics, feet, hands and eyes.
Pray for me that I dont accidently do something else which would be more horrible I think I might cry again, which I know would HURT! :'(, O the pain of it all!

Be Blessed! :)

Lauren and I spent thursday morning/afternoon together. We went to Tim Hortons because she hadn't been there yet! Our conversation was great.. relaxed and on-going. Its like she never left... Like shes been here the whole time. Im so excited to see her again tomorrow and then shes back for a while in May! Yipppeee....
Lauren! I know you read this:
thanks so much for being such a wonderful, fun, bright, encouraging and inspiring woman of God. I am so glad and excited that we have kept friends for so long and continue to even though we are miles apart.
You are FAB ;)

there are many times when I take a step back and evaluate my life. where i am at, and what i am doing. who i am and the things i want to change to better help myself, the things i want to do to create more confidence, more love and display Christ's love a bit more within me.
i do not know why things happen in life. i do not know why i have gone through so much in the past year of 2006. i honestly can not even come to understand that the year is almost gone. already, 12 months of hardship, pain and tears. there has been a lot of crying in these past 12 months, a lot of evaluating, a lot of praying, a lot of depending on God. these things are good, depending on a heavenly father is always a good, yet terribly hard thing to do. but there have also been many blessings this past year. many smiles, many tears of joy! and i imagine that both these things... the good and the bad will present themselves over again in 2007.
i have no idea... no idea at all what this next year will bring.
at least in my last days of 2005, God gave me some idea of what i may find in 2006. but this time... nothing. not even a little hint.
its all up in the air, and it will all fall where God decides to put it.
this i am confident is an alright thing to do. this I am confident, is a wonderful thing to believe in, that God has my life, and espeically 2007 all sorted out already, i just need to hand it over, relax, and enjoy the ride... enjoy my life.

I have been praying over and over again for confirmation in how to take care of myself, how to love myself, how to make sure that the bondage of sickness doesnt take hold of me again.
I can not stand the thought of going through 2007 sick.... Ive done it for too many years already. NO MORE!
no more sickness, I no longer allow its control.
i finally am taking a stand against it.
i finally want to take hold of what i am worth in the eyes of God and stand up for it. health wise, and in other ways as well...
I deserve health, and God deserves for me to take care of myself,
SO! I am asking how...and God is being incredibly faithful. I am soooo excited for what 2007 will bring in regards to me finally stepping up to my responsibility to myself.
yippppeeee......

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
Blessings :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! I hope that your Christmas has been as amazing and blessed as mine!! This is a pic of my family infront of our tree this morning, presents unwrapped and wonderful memories made! Now... we're waiting for an appetizing dinner and fun family time!
BLESSINGS!

Cam and I had a blast on monday, buildling our Gingerbread train! it was halarious because we couldnt find the train... we went to Safeway, Save-on-foods and then finally IGA, and there sure enough was the train at IGA... it took us an hour!!! But it was so much fun!

Here is Cam, deciding where to put everything... he actualy made a huge candy cane gun thingy that came out of the back part of the train



Taaa Daaaaa!!!!! Here is the finished product... dont cha love my pose???!!!!! I love it! :)

I GOT 83% ON MY OLD TESTAMENT SURVEY FINAL!
do you know what this means????
I got a 79% final mark!
O MY GOODNESS!
and I thought I'd fail!

yipppeeee.... now I really dont have anything to worry about for next semester! :)

ANOTHER WEDDING INVITATION!!!
o my goodness... they keep coming and coming and coming.... I need to buy another dress and another set of sexy heels to keep up with all of these wonderful celebrations. I am excited for this one (Im excited for them all!) and I didnt even expect an invitation to Tamaras wedding but Yippeee!! I love going to weddings and celebrating a couples love and committment, so sign me up! Im going! :)

Today I feel GREAT, Fantastic, and like a huge burden has been lifted away! Things still need to be talked through, but I have a much better understanding of everything... which I can only thank God for!
Praise God... for his amazing blessings

Lauren is home!
"hello lauren! cant wait to see you!"
I havent talked to her yet... but Im sure shes super busy with family things and wedding planning for her best friends! so I completely understand. I just hope I dont miss her call these next couple of days.

can you believe it?
ONE WEEK! and its Christmas... im still not prepared :S
O daddy, what shall I get you?????
any ideas anyone????

Be Blessed! :)

I am so excited for finals to be over and to be home relaxing! yipppeee... relaxing! :)
tomorrow cam and his parents are coming over for dinner! we're gonna have lasgana!
and then sunday work :(
Monday Cam and I are going to make and decorate a gingerbread house! im extatic!

I just came back from the annual Christmas movie outting with my parents and brothers, every holiday we go and pick out a holiday movie to see... I cant even remember what movie it was we saw last year but this year it was The Nativity!
and it was AWESOME! I recommend that movie to everyone... and if you cry really easily than I recommend bringing tissues with you when you go, it was an emotional one. The kind of movie that brings to you realise how Holy God is and how human you are. Everything was so accurate as well, and the girl who plays Mary is beautiful!

I think right now Im going to go and sit with God... it seems like the perfect ending to my day... especially after that movie.

Blessings!

Watch your thoughts; they become words.|Watch your words; they
become actions.|Watch your actions; they become habits.|Watch
your habits; they become character.|Watch your character; it
becomes your destiny.

-- Frank Outlaw


watching my thoughts has been a huge struggle for me lately... feelings sometimes can get in the way of reality or at least morph it in a way that is distorted, yet feels so real. all that i am most aware of now is that i need to be true to who God has called me to be and true to my relationship with him. im not so sure of much else... waiting for someone you love is a hard buisness... at least thats the way i feel right now... hahah... "feel" i really hate how your "feelings" are misconceptions, that they can take you in completely different directions. Happy, Sad, Depressed, Mad, Angry... etc...
i know... you're probably confused... haha... thats alright. i wont explain, but im sure you have felt the way i feel right now at one point of your life.
thank goodness that God is so good
and thank goodness that hes speaking so loudly right now... "wait it out, Nicole, trust in me, Nicole, i have plans you can't even imagine, Nicole, stay, Nicole"
i want to go to Marysville, however in a way thats my running place, my place of refuge, the place i hear God the loudest, the place i find answers.........
i think i will make that a goal in the New Year, not the running, at least not a long run.... but a time of meeting God in a place that i feel safe and secure to talk to people.... there is a part of me thats screaming to talk to someone...
at least I get to see Kevin Davidson next week! thats a piece of Marysville.

Blessings! :)

Today at the lunch table here at CBC was such a confirmation of what God has established in my life, there was such encouragment, it makes me thrilled that the vision God has given me for what he wants me to do, or take the steps to do is shared by others as well. I was expressing my desire of doing purity and beauty seminars around BC for young girls as what I want to do after graduation, and the basis as to why I switched my major.
Laurie was so encouraging and such a blessing, she was confirming that one of her wants in life is to do the same thing...she was sooooo excited and kept saying how excited she is for me to do that and have the same vision.

I dont know what is going to happen... I am very much trusting that God has it all taken care of. But the excitement and the reality of the task is overwhelming... I know that I am not expected to do it all on my own. God is doing to amazing things!
PRAISE GOD!

Blessings! :)

ITS OFFICIAL!!!
I am as of now...

in the Care Giving and Counselling major here at CBC! :)

yippeeee...
Im excited.

Be Blessed! :)

well... it has been decided!
for the past six months I have been doubtful with whether or not missions and the intercultural studies program at CBC is right for me and what God has planned for my future. The thought of leaving home for eight months, and graduating with a BA which is meant for someone doing long term missions work, didnt seem right, nor something that made any sence.
The vision given to me from God has been with working in a youth group setting with young girls, grades 6-12. I want to run purity seminars and beauty seminars, fighting the North American media with Gods word and truth for the lives of these girls.
So.... what does this mean school wise??
I will be changing my major.
Instead of intercultural studies, I am now going into Care Giving and Counselling.
I want to be a counsellor for these young girls who are struggling with self image, puity, sexual immorality and pre-marrital sex, healing with struggle in eating disorders and an inability to take care of ones self.
This is my news!

it may come as a shock and surprise, believe me, I was surprised as well once I seriously sat down with God and asked him what HE wanted me to do with my life for his kingdom. But the vision is strong... its kinda scary, but I know that I can "do all things through Christ who gives me strength"
I will be graduating with a BA in care giving and counselling which could transfer credits for more schooling to get my masters if I choose.

missions is still a huge part of my life and heart. I want to continue taking part in short term missions trips with CBC and my church, but it will no longer be my main focus. A counselling degree can be used in the youth group setting and missions setting as well. It is the tool that I will use to do the best ministry I can through Christ who guides me...

so... my life looks completely different.
no more internship.... and maybe the need for one more year at CBC. No more looking into my future and wondering where it will take me, no more stressing over the implications of leaving Canada for half a year.
We will see what happens, and what this next year, 2007 has to offer!
But I am THRILLED to proclaim that God has shown me the way my life should take and I will follow in obedience and exicitement for the task which is laid before me.

Blessings! :)

I got some more pics from Cam!!!! hope you enjoy!!!

Old House buddies... Calvin is such a great guy! and these guys are halarious together.

So... Here I was last night at 4ish, getting ready for "Charlie Brown Christmas" at the CBC Christmas banquet, doing my hair, makeup, getting all "dolled" up for it... I even wore my "little black dress" and sexy shoes! It was so much fun getting ready with Dara, who then slept over here last night. Cam made his way to my MedoWoods aprtment to pick us up and we were off... and very very early! But got the best table most definatly!
Everyone that attended were all pretty in their dresses and suits, it was a fantabulous night! Then at the closing remarks... Eric gave the invitation for all who attended to come for a party at White House, (aka Cams place). And Im serious, that house is not meant to hold so many people, its small, its old and the floor feels like it will cave in when fourty people jump up and down on it, especially in the living room area!!! But... it was a Blast! I was exhuasted, considering I had only gotten about an hour and a half of sleep the night before, but I tried my best to dance all funky like! :P Unfortuently when the party was getting good, Earl, the security night guy came to crash it. Someone filed a complaint to the school and threatened to call the cops on us if we werent quiet. Which I find halarious since the house is on campus and we're a bible college, most got a kick outta that one! I stayed behind with Dara, Nantina and Andrew, hanging out with Cam... until 2am... well after curfew! O WELL! All and all, everything was great!
Cam made my night wonderful!!! He was the sweetest gentleman, getting my punch for me, pulling my chair back for me to sit down, escorting me to the banquet!! I was treated like a princess! :) So.. I got some pics to share with you and I will be getting more from Cam, so maybe later I'll post more... Blessings!! :)

Arent we the cuttest couple ever!?!?! He tried so hard to not make such a goofy face in this photo that he ended up making a goofy face! but thats what makes him Cam... :)





Doesnt Dara look fantastic?? seriously boys.... shes Hot! :)





Okay, this girl here... Heidi, is wonderful! Shes so much fun and she made my Mission class a lot more fun! Isnt she just gorgeous???



And here we have Amber, she is right beside my apartment, the door right across the "hall" practically.. and she is SO MUCH FUN! Shes my late night study, coffee run, talk about whatever buddy... and I LOVE YOU AMBER! (its the 3rd time we've said it!) Shes soooo amazing and beautiful!

Amanda!!! Shes sooooo much fun! this girl can make you laugh and laugh and laugh! Shes beautiful, and we like to do our late night, visit dara at her diner runs!!


MY UNIT! we're not all here... but most of us are! :)

"Be generous with me and I'll live a full life, not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road. Open my eyes so I can see what you show me of your miracle-wonders. I'm a stranger in these parts; give me clear directions. My soul is starved and hungry, ravenous! - insatiable for your nourishing commands."
Psalm 119:17-20

its been a while... i know! but life just keeps getting more and more busy, I have 7 more papers to write, 1 class presentation,1 more OT quiz and 5 finals. Yep! its crazy. Im keeping busy though, so that is good.
yesturday I was spontaneous, thus the reason for this blog entry. I went and got my nose pierced just cause I wanted to, and I found a great piercing place which was recommended by many people at school. So yep! I have it back.
Its on the other side now, my left, your right. Then it was before. and I am thrilled. I love it! its so cute (at last ive been told!) and Im getting used to it again.

my stomach is doing well... not great or fantastic, but well is a good enough word! Keep praying for me and my healing. God is definatly working, he is definatly doing amazing things, I just need to conquer some on going details that He is revealing to me slowly and one at a time... wow...

Blessings to all!

things in my life have been overwhelming and crazy, mostly because I have been stressed beyond my capacity. I have had instances where I would just break down and cry over situations that I felt were completely overwhelming, yet, were minor in comparission with everything else.
but thankfully... Cant you see me? Below? I am as happy as can be! But of course I am.... because I am loved and in love with the God of the universe who died on a cross for me!!
I also have amazing friends, family and the best, most loving and wonderful boyfriend!
Cameron, I love you!



Praise God!
I have been prayed for in regards to healing...
I wont lie, I was walking a thin line when it came to my eating habiats, mostly in the area where I just was hardly eating anything at all, or I was eating too much horrible food.
I was also terrified to eat, the fear gripped hold of me like nothing else, thankfully I am free of that too and welcome whatever food I am offered. I will still however, continue to choose healthy choices for I do believe that is what God has called me to do.... along with praising him for the food I eat... this is a new thing....I keep forgetting to thank him for my food before I eat it... so I feel very convicted to start thanking him before I dig in!
but good news.....Today I woke up, I made myself breakfast without the thought of skipping out, I had lunch and a complete dinner with a nice light snack. The whole time, I didnt feel completely overwhelmingly sick...And I continue to proclaim my freedom and praise God for my healing! so yippeee.... I know that this is not the end, yet I know that God is healing me! So yay! :)

just also wanted to share that the Old Testament Survey midterm that I was so terrified about I got an A!!! (87%) yippeee! :) AND I got another B- on the last test... which is amazing because you have no idea how hard this course is and how much information we need to know for these tests! so YES! Praise God for helping me in this class!!!

so.... bed time for me! After some prayer time
Be Blessed! :)

well... you may be wondering.

where is Nicoles IBS blog??
it is gone!

yep thats right... its gone! Thats because I am not going to focus on that part of my life on here and burden you all with the details of it. Thats one reason, another is that I dont even believe that I have it anymore.

you're probably wondering... "but nicole, you've been talking and complaining about it for years, why you do not believe you have it anymore?"

well.. those are all super private details and things that I am not ready at all yet to type out on here and let the whole world read.
First I want to express it to those that are super close to my heart, and well... I might not even tell you guys anyways... so :P
just deal with the fact that its not longer on here... and I no longer want to talk about it.
so there! :)
suprises all over the place today..

o yah... YIPPEEE... its November! That means CHRISTMAS EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE! yay. Im in the mood for some Christmas Cheer! :)

so im just in the midst of midterms... yep, thats right! Ive just finished my second for the day, and now I am just waiting for the third. Yikies, I dont think ive been this stressed for a while. And Cam is sick :'( So even when I need a hug or a bit of relaxation, hes so sick that he has been sleeping and cant come over... **sniff sniff** its okay though... Hes getting better! yay.
although I think I might be getting the cold now... after these three tests, I have one more which I need to start studying for, that one is on Halloween. Old Testament Survey! O yay! hahahah... I love the course, yet get overwhelmed with the studying involved, o well, I got 70% on my last test, YIPPEE!! considering the class average was 65%.
I guess I better go and brush up on my Acts knowledge, considering that one is up next...

Be Blessed :)

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything."Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."[b] But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corninthians 6:12-20



I absolutely LOVE this passage... and as I meditate on it I find that my body, my life and who I am has purpose and meaning in Christ. That I am united with Christ! He lives within me! I am Holy! What an incredible revelation, what incredible truth! I am thrilled to be called a daughter of the living God. I am a child of God.
I can not just allow myself to be destroying myself with things that are not good for myself. I can not self destruct. I am worthy! I am worthy of love, I am worthy of life and of love, especially the Love of Christ Jesus! PRAISE GOD!
I am freed from the perception that I am worthless, I am free from the perception that I am not worthy of anything but destruction, the enemy has shut up, because God is my God... and I am under the umbrella of his life, I am white as snow! I am loved, loved more then I can even imagine... you should see me! I am glowing. :)

Be Blessed!
And remember... JESUS LOVES YOU!
Believe it to be true.

lately ive had such a hard time with stuff... i dunno if any of you have noticed or not. its okay if you havent, dont feel bad, really!
things are going a lot better. in a half an hour (acutally less than that) im going to go and meet with John Schmidt and his wife for prayer counselling. Im nervous, Im scared, Im excited and Im eager. This is a step in the right direction and I am finally willing and ready to go there. To find spiritual healing as well as physical healing. so yay! :) be happy for me.
God has been revealing many things to me today and yesturday, once ive been ready to lay some things down and ready to take what is coming. its really exhausting to fight the spiritual fight, maybe that is why i am so exhuasted lately, im getting my 8-9 hours of sleep a night, so it shouldnt be, thats what makes me wonder, ive been in spiritual fights like this before, never though has it been so intense within myself.
God loves me! God is right here with me! God has a plan and purpose for me! God is leading me to places that I have not been willing to go for so long, and this is okay!
so.... yes! I have not much more to say... wish me luck! as I walk into my prayer time and discover ways that God is trying to meet with me! :)

Be Blessed! :)

so Im kinda scared, this new Old Testsament Quiz that I have going on... on Tuesday, this coming Tuesday.
I studied a bit today, will study again tomorrow, sunday and monday, I didnt do so good on the first one (barely pasted) now there is this one coming up thats supposed to be a lot harder :S
so PLEASE pray for me and think about me on Tuesday, espeically about this test.
I want to get at least a better mark then I did before... I love the material, I mean learning about the Old Testament is amazing and wonderful! Its incredible stuff... its just having to know ALL the detail, it gets really overwhelming, really really fast.
so thanks so much for thinking about me!

other then that, life is AWESOME!
work is great... although today wasnt such a great shift (fri night) However, I do have the next two saturdays off! :) But for studying for midterms :S So... not soooo much fun! I wanted the sunday off too, but didnt get it, o well, no big deal.
life is just super busy, keep busy with everything, its all good though...

off to sleep now, need to wake up tomorrow, buy more IBS pills... some brown rice bread! Yummies, and soy milk! extra yummies and then OT crazy studying! yippeee...
*yawn*

Be Blessed! :)

many of you who know me well, have been walking with me through this "healing journey" of mine for the past three and a half years. You have seen me cry... you have heard me wail, you have witnessed my ups and downs of life living with IBS. The drama, pain and complete helplessness. I have prayed since the day I started to feel unhealthy for healing... for a way to deal with this disorder/disfunction, a way to just make it so that I can be "normal" once again. And I have tried, through several ways... denying, ignorning, anger and frustrations to find "normal" within myself again, since I have honestly forgotten what life was like before IBS.

Yet... through my prayers.... through my desperate account of feeling hopeless, unnormal and without cause or puropse, God has clearly spoken his words, and Im finally mature enough and open enough to listen. I have finally set aside my anger at him, at life, at others and at myself to hear what he has had to say for some time.

I WILL BE YOUR STRENGTH IN YOUR WEAKNESS.

I love this! He will be my strength through my digestive problems. He will be my strength when I have nothing to eat, when I am sick, when I am hurting, when I am down to the lowest I possibly can get. HE will be MY strength. I believe now more then ever that God is using this problem of mine for his purposes, that he is transforming my life into his great will. I do not believe that he gave me this disorder, but I do believe that he can use it for his amazing purpose for his kingdom!! I do beleive that and now can understand that I do have a purpose, my IBS has a purpose and can be used has a means for compassion to the sick of the world. To those that are sick and have no hope, to bring them the understanding that there is always hope through sickness, there is always hope in Christ. :)

so... those that are praying for my healing. you can stop! You can pray instead that his amazing purpose is done through this struggle of mine. I no longer view my IBS as a means of a negative burden in my life, God believes that I can handle it... God has given me all his resources to handle it! so here I go... taking the step to believe that this can be the biggest gift and most positive event in my life!

PRAISE GOD! i say it again! PRAISE GOD! Amen! :)

so I have worked friday and today (saturday) and now tomorrow awaits another shift. I am getting overwhelmed once again with the amount of stuff I have to do. Practically every day is work, considering I have classes and then the actual IGA job. Which I really enjoy by the way... so its not that the job is super stressing or anything, its more that I feel like I dont have time for anything to do with school anymore, that I dont even have time to be at church even.
and this frustates me and stresses me out to no end. The down side, I would be loosing potential money. But is it worth it? I mean I'd most likly be working 12 hours a week at $9 a hour, instead of 18 hours a week. At least its something right?!
I think Im going to ask Jon if there is a possibility with cutting out sunday shifts. Just cause its getting too much, if he says no then I will obviously make it work, but if he says yes, then I think I would be a lot happier.
**cross fingers** pray that it will go over well, and that hopefully Jon likes me enough to not mind.

BE BLESSED :)

so things in life, in these regards are good.... I have nothing really to complain about, unless the amount of homework which gets increasingly large is something to vent about. The material is awesome! and its hard to believe that Im actually studying for a B.A! wow, me with a B.A??? that'll be the day (sometime in 2009 to be exact)
but anyways...
I encourage you all that are interested... to read my IBS blog.
I know, I know, hearing about a digestive disorder isnt so exciting, but its whats going on with me, so take a peek and I'll keep posting here too, I promise!

BE BLESSED! :)

o yah... still totally considering that nose piercing and tatoo that I am wanting... still not sure... yet still not totally convinced that its a no, maybe I'll randomly post a pic with me all decked out with both! hahahah..... **ponders**

what is with almost everyone I know getting engaged?? Two more of my friends just got engaged last week! Its crazyness, there are going to be sooo many weddings these next couple of years that I wont be able to afford it! AH! o well, I am sooo super happy for everyone being in love and celebrating the next step of their lives! yippee!!... so...
CONGRATULATIONS
Amy and Nowell, along with Katie and Mike!
Thats so awesome for you guys, Im SUPER excited for you! :)

Things ROCK!
I am so happy that I dont know what to do with myself... hahaha... School is awesome, Im still freaking with the amount of homework I have, but Ive calmed myself down a bit now. I'll just have to deal with some late nights and early mornings to get things done, but I think I'll manage, along with having some fun thrown in there somewhere.

Cam and I are awesome! Life is great there... things at school have gotten settled and I have found myself falling more and more in love with him with every moment we get to spend together. God is sooo good! :) I am so crazy blessed. Seven months are coming up soon! yay.

So its offical... Im going to Africa!! Just not right away... no worries, I wont be on a plane anytime soon, its more like January 2008, but still. Thats kinda soon, one year and four months. :S yikies! But its for my B.A I cant graduate without going to Africa, so what an awesome deal there huh!? hahah... I think so! :) When I go, chances are its going to be in Zambia working at a highschool with teenage girls, at a bible school, with discipling them. Working with the whole HIV and AIDS situation as well... its going to be great! Im looking forward to it, and harsh preparing myself emotionally, and Gods helping with the spiritual part as well (of course) But please pray for me with that decision, with if Africa is really where he wants me and that things go smoothly while setting up the internship. Thanks! :)

So... Im back on my big IBS/GLUTEN FREE eating plan. And its pretty much going super great. Ive kinda scared myself this past week with losing six pounds in a week!!! Im smaller than Ive ever been before! And so that really is exciting, Im not going to lie! haha, but If I keep losing this much then my mom is going to take me to a nutrionist, if it gets to be too much, but that'll only happen if I loose more than 25lbs. so, lets hope that I stop losing this fast, cause last time I was on my diet like this I lost approx.40lbs in two-three months :S ... but yah... but YIPPEE! That the eating plan is working as awesome as it is, I dont feel bloated, Im not wanting to throw up, I dont have any more stomach pain, and I just feel great! So YAY! :) Im so glad, and Im staying on it for good, I'll just cheat with Ben and Jerrys maybe once a month! :) you know, for a treat! heehee.

well... Im off to sleep now!
BE Blessed! :)

so school, although stressing about the homework, Im eager to get back on campus tomorrow night. I organized all of my books and wrote out a scheduale of all my assignments, there are actually not as many as I first anticipated. I think I'll do alright this semester! I think that I'll be okay... work these past couple shifts have been a walk in the park! it's so easy! Some people have been annoying, but thats what happens when you work with the public, o-well. I'll put on my happy face and ask for Gods paitence and love to shine through and be apart of me, especially at work.... I just cant let it phase me. I need the money, desperately! And Gods providing! so yay for that.
Even though this year is going to be crazy busy, I am not so stressed out about it anymore. Which I am thankful for, I am just going to take it a day and month at a time, and rest in Gods faithfulness.

well.... ive been doing a lot of thinking about my whole schooling, my semester this year and the next. You see I am in the Intercultural Studies BA program, which includes a eight month (minimun) internship missions trip to anywhere I want to go (or more like anywhere God tells me to go) before I wasnt so excited for it, more scared and terrified of the thought of it. But now that I have two amazing mission classes this semester I can't stop thinking about it. And I cant hep but feel the huge nudge and painful push to go January 2008, instead of my planned September 2008. SO! I am going to go in and make an appointment with Brian the missions director at CBC and see what he says, I know he'll encourage me to go for sure in January and if everything comes together super well, maybe that'll just be the case. WOW! I mean Ive always been super excited to do missions, but this will be alone, just me, in Africa most likly, doing Gods work. Its a dream come true, yet a scary reality. So, please pray for this internship, for Gods guidence. Cause I really hear him yelling at me to go in Jaunary instead of waiting and pushing it farther cause I want things my way. I want things to happen in life before I go, I want things to be secure before I go, I want to go with Dara! hahaha... but Im hearing him say that my life is his and HE SAYS when I go not me, and that life will be fine and his will is going to be done when I get back.... I hear him calling me to prepare myself and take these mission classes super seirously.
So.... here we go, lets see what happens!!!

O yah... Im going to China next summer! :) on a missions trip with my church, its not for sure yet cause I havent applied and I havent payed anything, but Im confident that I'll have the opportunity. Im super SUPER excited! :)

Be Blessed! **big smiles**

so this week has been crazy... even just today has been the most overwhelming of them all. My weeks to come look NUTS!
crazy overwhelming that I dont know when I'll have a chance to breathe, and I still have a man I want to spend time with and cuddle with whenever I get the chance :) So I hope that I'll learn to take energy out of whatever situation Im in this year... AHHH... yep, thats me thinking of what I have infront of me for the next eight months. O well....things are going to be great. My classes are AMAZING! I am super excited for everything I am going to be able to do. I am so excited for the things that are to come, for growth in Christ, for learning the bible so much more then I do now... for the assingments that seem to be so exciting. Also, for new friendships that will form throughout the months... things seem good... really good! :D
I think however that I might ask for Sundays off work now... I might give it a couple of months and see what happens, either that or ask for a smaller shift. Im not sure yet, I think I might give it a while yet to see... but Im scared that I'll run out of energy really quickly if I dont have a time to just stop and do nothing. I think I might run it by my boss/manager sometime this weekend. Hopefully it'll be okay... pray for me guys! :D

well... off to sleep! Im EXHAUSTED :S
Be Blessed! :)

ps. GOD IS GOOD! hes doing incredible things... like always! :)

those of you that visit often, may become confused to the new title, verse and layout of my trusty blogger site. Yes, this is still me, still my blog and still my life. I am still devoted to Jesus Christ (as the verse clearly states) and I still am "simply driven by Christ" that will forever be apart of who I am. Driven solely on the passion, purpose and faith that comes with giving ones life to Jesus Christ.

and although all those things are extremely important, I feel the need for a name change and a new direction to walk in my life.
to be a forgiven victory...

let me explain.
I recently found that my name means VICTORY, along with the definition of saved, victorious in battle and being given victory
I found this to be appropriate because there have been so many things in my life that I have been victorious in, and many things now that I need Gods grace, mercy and forgiveness to find victory and overcome them.
God has forgiven me for many events, and things that I have done, yet each time...hes is gracious enough to bring me victory in it all.

its an encouragement....that I can be a forgiven victory in the things today and tomorrow that are keeping me where I am, and I need, only through Gods strength to pass through the bondage.
so... PRAISE GOD!
AND
BE BLESSED! :)