Disney Land is wonderful! I wanna find Mickey Mouse and Goofy today! :) heehee... Tomorrow we're going off to Palm Desert. Im very excited for relaxing and tanning. Yipppeeeee...

YES! I am STILL in California... and today, we went to SIX FLAGS and it was amazing!! the picture above is of mom and I on the ride Tatsu, yes, that is me on my stomach on a roller coaster that goes millions of miles per hour which tosses you upside down and around. It the scariest thing EVER! but soooooo much fun, I loved it! :)

Tomorrow... DISNEY LAND!!!

COUNT DOWN!!!! 2 FULL DAYS UNTIL DISNEY LAND!!!!
yay... soooooooooooo excited.
yep, very very VERY happy :D
I'll say "HI" to Mickey Mouse for all of you... heehee.

CAM IS COMING HOME IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!! I'm really excited to spend more than just one day with him a week... **blushes** I really love this boy! :)

I had no idea how loved I am at IGA! wow!! I told my friends there that my last day is this Saturday and most of them, the look on their faces was like "what are you doing!!" Ive had some say they aren't talking to me anymore (only joking of course), and others make sad faces. I honestly had nooo idea!!! WOW! I feel so loved! and now it makes it even harder to leave **sniff sniff** but it needs to be done.
I already said goodbye to a couple people and it was sad, but with a hug it was all better. Glen one of the regular costumers even came up to me several times saying that hes sad Im leaving and he wants a hug on my last day! hahah...
Well, to all my IGA buddies, its been an honor to work with you! I have loved every moment of our cashier conversations and jokes, gossip and what-nots. Its been wonderful! I hope to work there again next year... but if not. I'll make sure I visit often.
**Hugz**

Cam and I in the boat, I was freezing... its so windy!!! :)

from left to right: Karen Roeck, Nicole (me!), Stephanie Martens, Jason Kroeker, Tanya Ens, Brandon Kroeker, Jenny Ens

Every once in a while when we were all little children, our parents would sit us on a couch from oldest to youngest and take a picture at the Hatzic Lake Ens cabin. This year we were fortunate to be able to go the cabin for a dinner with the Ens family. Cam came along too! It was SO MUCH FUN! and once again, a picture was taken. O, and in case you were confused Mrs. Roeck, and Mrs. Martens were Ens children at one time, but are both now married.

COUNT DOWN TO DISNEY LAND AND CALIFORNIA!!! 10 days.
Im so excited to see Mickey Mouse, you have noooo idea!! its going to be such a blast. It's official and Im extatic. Im heading off, and driving to California, specifically Palm desert, Palm Springs. Im going to roast! :'( Its 93 degrees at SEVEN THIRTY IN THE MORNING! imagine high noon??? ahhhhhhhh.. O well, at least I'll be tanned! heehee!

So.... I quit IGA today! actually, I put in my two weeks notice to Kathy, to give to Jon and my last day will be August 11th. Why??? Because I am going to be living full time in Abbostford at CBC this coming fall, September 2nd to be exact. And going back and forth to work, from Abby to Surrey to Abby to Surrey is just soooo hard with 15 credits, deadlines and opportunities to hang out with friends. Last year, I had no life at all. This year, I want time to socialize and I don't want to be stressed outta my mind that I get more ulcers and anxiety attacks. I will be applying for a job at the CBC cafeteria, for approx. 8-10 hours a week, which is nothing really compared to the 20 hours I was doing at IGA each weekend last year. So yep.. this is the plan. I'll reapply for cashier at IGA in April of next year for the summer... hopefully Jon will take me back, and if not. I will be applying to other places as well anyways! :)

O, also guess what???
IM GOING TO PALM SPRINGS most likly for vacation, after August 11th sometime. I will die though from the intense heat there is over there.. but o well! it'll still be TONZ OF FUN! and hopefully I'll get an awesome tan!!!!

well.... gots to go and sleep soon
Be Blessed!

IM SO BURNT... it hurts sooo much **sniff sniff** and its all in my cheeks and my nose. It's going to be horrible once it starts to peel... waaaaaaaaaaaaaa... I will now go and rub aloe vera on it, maybe that will help.

I have a pic to post soon :P

wear sunscreen!

I came across this old photo of Lauren and I, Im acutally not even sure when this was taken, but I absolutely LOVE this picture of us. Its one of my favorites. Reminds me how much life has changed, now that Lauren is off in England and has been since November of 2005. I miss her of course, but thats life. People move on, things change and thats okay. Im so happy that shes built such an incredible life there for herself.


Here is another one of Becky and I, she is now "Becky Davidson" and Im thrilled for her. Even more thrilled that she now lives here in Burnaby. I get to see her often when before I had to cross the border in order to visit, now she's only a 20 minute sky train ride away. YAY!!!!

Today...when I came up the stairs to the kitchen, a bunch of BEAUTIFUL red roses were awaiting for me along with a letter. Cam had dropped them off on his way to the airport this morning, waaay early this morning. and I LOVE THEM! Actually, I LOOOOVE him. SO much! So here are my perfect, red, wonderful roses.
I MUST show them off! :)

IM SIIIIIICK! **sniff sniff** yesturday I had heat stroke (im pretty sure thats what it was) and today my nose is all stuffy and all... sooo sucky! :P but O well! It'll pass in a couple of days.

I hope that everyone who is going to California to celebrate Cams grandmas birthday has a wonderful time! Be safe all of you! :)

Blessings!

my dad is so amazing I love him SO MUCH! he came home and surprised me with pink roses as his present to me for my birthday... the card made me cry!

Me and my beautiful flowers!

So yesturday was my 22nd birthday and I had SUCH A BLAST! it was the most wonderful day. My mom and younger brother Brandon took me out for breakfast to IHop, then we came home and mom and I suntanned outside for a couple hours while talking. We had the most incredible conversation, and discussed such matters as my previous post. Its so remarkable to me that her and I have such a close relationship, I am so blessed! Then her and I went out for starbucks, came home and my dad came home shortly after. WITH FLOWERS! I absolutely love flowers! especially roses. I cried when I read my card and hugged him so much in thanksgiving for such a beautiful gift. I then opened up my gifts. Underware (my favorite thing!) Starbucks travel mug, and the Peter Pan cartoon Disney movie. Indian food dinner is where we ate (also my favorite) and then picked up Becky from the skytrain station, Alissa and Lena came home and we hung out and had such a blast for the night. Saturday I get my birthday date with Cam and I am SOOOO EXCITED! its going to be wonderful, we're hopefully doing the beach and then seeing the Transformers movie! :) I know hes eager to see it, and so am I. so, YAY!
THANK YOU EVERYONE! for making my day amazing, for the phone calls, the gifts on facebook, the messages. IT HAS MEANT THE WORLD TO ME! seriously, you have no idea how much love I feel when I see those comments and how special you have all made me feel as well. I am beyond blessed.

I LOVE ROSES! :)

Im trying SO HARD to understand more about myself and why I abuse myself with food. And actually, Im finally getting somewhere! :) Im finally starting to find why I have taken the task of eating and have made it into an abusive activity. Which has caused all sorts of digestive and emotional problems.
This is actually because all my life Ive been told that Love is food. When I eat I used to be taught by my grandparents and then parents actions that to feel love is to eat, and to feel comfort is to eat. And so, I always have associated food with feeling loved. If I was sad about something, angry at someone and just plain unhappy... I would turn to food to make me feel better because I was taught to do that. Instead of dealing with my problems, working them out, coming to terms with tough situations, my reaction was to hide behind food.
NO MORE! and Im serious.
Im sick and tired of being sick...and I get sick A LOT. Im tired of feeling tired, Im tired of not dealing with myself and the things of my past. Because these actions and the way Im dealing with my problems and life today, is NOT going to help me tomorrow. Its not going to help cam and I when we finally do get married and it surely isn't going to help my children when I finally have them.
so... YAY! Im not afraid to revisit my past and deal with the hurts and pains I experienced that I was too afraid to experience at the time. Bring it on! :)
hahaha.....

I love my life, and I Love the people in my life.
I love Cam and the promising future that him and I have... I love myself and the path that God has me walking on, my life is NOT easy I can say that twice, but it is SO incredible and I am SO thankful.
So love... does not come from a chocolate bar, not from a bowl of icecream, nor from the craving that is overwhelming at the time. It comes from amazing people and an amazing God, This I FINALLY can understand.
yay for healing! :)
yay for promises unraveling themselves before my very eyes.

BE BLESSED!

Yesturday Cam had a day off of Camp, so he came home! :) which meant... I GOT TO SEE HIM! yay. I was smiling all day long. It was super sweet too cause he called just after lunch and asked for me to come over to his place, so I made my way over there. We got in the car and on our way over to wherever we were going (I had no idea at this point) he kept asking me "do you know where we are?" "do you know where we're going?" he took an alternate route so I really had no clue.

We then pulled into Fort Langely, and he took me to visit the Fort! I had never been there before and we had previously been to Fort Langely to walk around and have coffee we walked past the tall walls and I was so curious as to what was behind it. So Cam took me in! It was SO MUCH FUN! we had such a blast... I really loved every moment of it.

He is now back to Stillwood today... he's doing the single moms camp and then Sunday afternoon the first load of kids come (over 500) and the summer camps begin! Ten more days and I get to see him again, and that Saturday (July 7th) is my Birthday day with him! For he misses my actual b-day on thursday! SO EXCITED!

YAY for healing!!! my thumb is getting better... a lot better! Not very much pain anymore and hardly any more throbbing, just left with a very ugly nail and no feeling on the tip of my thumb or side, apparently the nerves will return (hopefully!) so yay.
two more days and then I get to see Cam!
Im VERY excited. :)

my icky thumb! :P

my first hospital bracelet ever! can you see the monkey sticker?

so... many have been asking because of my facebook profile how I did this AGAIN to my finger! well, it was in October of 2006 when I did this the first time, so it isn't like it was a couple months ago, it was about eight months ago! :P
so there!!
but this time I was taking cigarettes out of the safe, and the door was closing a lot faster than I realised and it smashed on my thumb. This time it was waaaay worse too :'( I went to the Emergency at the nearest hospital where the doctor froze my entire thumb! you know when you get your mouth frozen at the dentist? he did that to my thumb!! It was SOOOOOO painful!! I cried and squeezed my brothers hand so hard! then he put my thumb in a shotglass of chemicals which bubbled and dissolved all the blood which was scabbing on my thumb! :P it was gross and painful...
but
my thumb isnt broken and Im back to work on Tuesday.
my hospital adventure was very... entertaining in the least, Jason (my brother) took me and stayed with me the entire time! we laughed and kept ourselves smiling and all the nurses there were amazing! the nurse that I registered with even put a monkey sicker on my hospital bracelet she told me that it was to make me feel better and to try and help me stop crying! soooo sweet! she then tried to set me up with her son! hahaha.... the one thing that would have made it all better was if Cam was there :'( but it's okay cause I got to see him last night and he kissed it all better!

so... now I am going to stay faaaaaar far away from the cigarette safe if I can help it.

I MADE WHEAT-FREE COOKIES TODAY!... and they were soooooo good! :)
Im sooo excited to experiment with making wheat-free bread, cake and other yummy things soon, hmm... actually I think I'll make brownies tomorrow! I bought a wheat-free cook book today too! so I can make TONZ of stuff, and I've found the flour I need at such a cheap price, some of it at Pricesmart and some at Choices! (you need to mix four non wheat flours to make the flour needed for wheat free baking/cooking, this is cause only one flour doesn't have the right consistency) so its surprisingly afforadable! YAY! :D yes.. this is my awesome good news. so Summer Goal: learn how to cook/bake wheat-free!!!!!!!

here is a big YIPPPEEEEEE for PriceSmart foods.. why you ask!?
cause I was there yesturday in their bulk foods section just hanging out with my mommy and guess what I came across??? RICE AND BROWN RICE FLOUR @ 29 cents for 100g. Thats amazing! :) Im sooooooo excited! you have no idea what this means! (well, I think you're guessing where Im going with this) I can FINALLY start doing my own stuff with this flour which is CHEAP! sooo much cheaper than buying it any other way I've found so far. so YAY... BIG HURRAY! for this new discovery I was sooo giddy at the grocery store that I actually hugged the flour containers and jumped up and down! and then wanted to find someone who worked there to hug them too (I didnt though, cause thats creepy)... AHHHH!!! sooooo excited! :D I can experiment, now my plan is to find a recipie book so I can make some good rice bread and Karen (cams mom) has offered to help me perfect the art of rice break making... yipppeee!!!....

so i decided that i wouldnt talk or post about my "health issues" any longer because it bores people and because i really need to rely on God about it and not other people to give me attention. in a way i believe that i was subconsiously enjoying the attention i was getting from people by telling them my "sick problems" and getting the "ooo... I feel so bad for you" response. im sorry to all!

yet, this is truly scaring me and although i am posting i ask that nobody do the whole "ooo... Im so sorry for you!" thing, but instead pray for me.

i went to the doctor about two weeks ago, because i had an anxiety attack and intense pressure, burning and such things in my chest. turns out i have a stomach ulcer, or at least the "start" of an ulcer which my doctor gave me meds for. good right? take meds and ulcer goes away!? well, wrong apparently! ulcers don't go away, at least ive been told.
but i believe that with the healing power of God, YES! they do!

so please pray for me, that this forming hole in my stomach shrinks and goes away, not only cause its a hole and that sucks, but because there is potential for it to become bigger and cancerous, there is also potential for me to get more anxiety attacks and so forth. so really it going away is the best thing possible.
Im also done my 15 days of medication and nothing has changed, still pain and pressure, still anxiety and apparently I need to learn to relax, no stress... any relaxing techniques that people have to offer me?

thanks to everyone who will pray on my behalf!
i appreciate it more than i can express,
be blessed :)

Cam and I enjoying everything!

Nantina and I goofing off, the chocolate fountain was our favorite! :) Yummies

So yesturday I was at Lena and Marcel Fast's wedding... it was BEAUTIFUL! soooo nice and elegant, Lena did such a fantastic job and she looked absolutely BEAUTIFUL! sooooo amazing. Sorry no pics of her cause I didn't get one :'( I wish I did. The ceremony was wonderful and the reception was tonz of fun, we got to square dance, I had such a hoot with it. So thank you Lena for such a good time, it was wonderful to share in your excitment and watch you on your special day! CONGRATS!

I got to see Lauren again on Monday!!! its been since her Christmas visit that I have had the chance to see and speak with her! it was soooo exciting, such an awesome visit and such a great time to catch up on our lives and pick up where we left off... that is pretty much how it works for us now! and I am thrilled.
I am so excited for the life she has in England I am so excited for the blessings God has in store for her life, and I am thankful for her support and love in the things that are within my life here in Canada.
yay! for a long distance, life-long friendship! :)

they were AMAZING!

he's eating beef jerky if you're wondering.

Cam and I went along with my brothers and our family friend Tanya to go and see HILLSONG UNITED! this past Saturday and let me tell you... it was AMAZING! soooo incredible, soooooo much fun! so much of a worship time that I can not explain how excited I was that I could go and experience it.

At one moment everyone was lifting their arms up to God and the band was singing... there was this white light upon the crowd and it was incredible to witness so many people worshiping looking almost angelic. I loved every moment of it!
I even got a t-shirt!

makes me want to just sit in Gods presence and reflect.

Be Blessed! ;)

these pics were my one year anniversary surprise from Cam back on February 24th of this year. it was such an awesome surprise cause he was like "meet me at Willowbrook mall no later than 9:45am" so I was sooooo interested in what was going on, then he proceeded to walk me through the mall explaining that meeting at the mall was a detour for what he really had planned. I was confused but followed. we then came to the Sears portrait studio and he was like "o! lets go in here" he had book an appointment and we had a blast with getting our pictures taken! I looooved it! so these are finally the pics from that wonderful surprise! hmmm... I wonder whats in store for our two year! ;) heehee.

so Im a dork.

cause I put one of those ticker factory time lines on this blog to count down the days before school starts up for me again. but can you blame me? Im SO EXCITED to go back... seriously, I've never been so disapointed for summer.
School is just too much fun, and working all the time isn't.

beds calling....

BE BLESSED! :)

ATTENTION ALL!!!
today is McHappy Day... this means that we get to eat McDonalds food for the children! isn't that soooo much fun!???
I think so,
today... go and get a Big Mac or a Happy Meal and help the kids!

Im going to! :)
heres the link if your interested in checking it out:
http://www.mcdonalds.ca/en/index.aspx

so I tired the detox kit... yep...NOOoOooooooOOoOOo.... not happening.
I feel soooo sick its just horrible!
I just want to puke and sleep, so I don't think Im going to keep it up. When I came home from work I went straight to the pantry, ate some corn chips and finally feel some-what better.

Im just going to stick to my no wheat diet and that'll be it.
booooo for detox :P

so there really is hardly any new news to share at all.... Im getting good hours at work which is sooooo nice! however, work I find is actually work! (go figure!) I havent worked these long hours in such a long time (since my mcdonalds days!) and now Im starting to realise the exhaustion that can take its toll on a person who puts in a good 33 hour week. And well, I just honestly get exhausted easily... of course!

but tomorrow starts an interesting week.

Im doing a detox week kit that my mommy bought me, honestly I do not think that Im mentally prepared for this!
It's where you need to drink this thick orange drink three times a day, eat a pack (well five huge pills) every day and are only allowed to nibble on veggies and cooked chicken. eeeeeeekkkkk.... seven straight days of this?????
but, of course I wanted to do it!
yet, that was two weeks ago when I was brave enough to...but I should.

I've been feeling ill again
I guess because the cafeteria food at CBC is horrid and full of wheat that my body went into the whole "I HATE YOU" and so now I need to calm it down to liking me again. Ive been staying off of wheat (minus today) and its been good, no wheat and I feel amazing and healthy, eat wheat and I balloon (literally!).
I mean there are women out there with so many problems and here I am with one of the most annoying...geeezzz, I feel sorry to any daughters I may pop out one day! (its genetic in girls)
but anyways...

gots to sleep and if something interesting happens in life, I'll post.
until then
BE BLESSED!

I really love this picture, and not because my face looks huge or because this was taken on Cams birthday. but just cause its "us"... relaxing and having fun. so I thought I'd share.

well... nothing exciting has happened at all lately, like nothing at all! hahaha... well, other then this wonderful woman who I know, from somewhere. I know its bad, but I honestly have no idea where I know her from. But anyways!
She knows of a counselling office in Abbotsford which is chrisitian and geared for pregnant teens and those struggling with having an abortion or such cases. Exactly what I want to get into when I graduate from CBC, and what Im looking into for an internship for my third year. Not this next year coming but the year after. so... YAY!
if I can volunteer there, or at least have coffee with some of the ladies that run it, and learn from them.. then that would be incredible!
so this woman I know that Im not sure if I actually know.. is getting me all the contact information I need.
I know its going to be hard to volunteer and connect there my first semester cause Im going to be so swamped. But it'll be sooo nice to get my "foot in the door" as my dad always says. or at least make it known that Im interested in that career choice and heading in that general direction and want some "mentoring" or help getting there.

yay... Im excited!

Blessings on ya! ;)

i believe that this summer is going to end up being something incredible for me. a change, a chance to grow in becoming the person i know that i am. in doing the things that ive always wanted to do. like paint! im SO EXCITED to finally paint. and the best part about it is my grandmother is a crazy good painter, i mean shes pro. so i must have some talent hidden within my genes somewhere! i asked her if she would show me how, get me started and she told me not to buy anything cause she has it all... perfect! however, she did tell me that the best thing to do to start is to sketch, so i need to go to Micheals and get me a sketch book with some pencils. im a little afraid that im going to suck! but i'll grow in it..

maybe when im a little bit more confident i'll post something ive done... when i finally produce something, yay for growth. that although its painful, its beautiful as well!

Be Blessed! :)

Pictues like I promised! My new Haircut! LOVE IT! What about you!?

well... I got a hair cut! totally spontaneous and completely shorter than I had oringinally hoped for, but hey! its a change. I will post a pic once I get back on my own computer at home in surrey with internet access, its frustrating to have no internet here in my apartment at CBC... Im really REALLY nervous about what my parents and Cam will say, but they need to love me, short hair and all anyways! :) **heehee** tonz of girls here say they love it, so thats such an encouragement... I love it too, just total shock right now, thats all!
Be Blessed!

yesturday i came to the point of realising that the ankle that i now have which is messed up and sprained i have no desire what - so - ever! to fix. what!?!?! this is what im a little afraid of... it seems so strange that having an injury like this would in no way bring me to want to change it. and i know for a fact that this is not a healthy thought process. it can't be... there is no way. ive been thinking, contemplating, wondering how in the world i can change this... pray for me!? im icing my ankle by the way and its slowly getting better, im wanting to finally do something about it.

why do things need to be so hard??... sometimes I just want to cry and pray with heart felt tears for things to just be better, for anything to happen to make it better.
Father God, I need a hug.

at the dinner table yesturday I was given the news that a girl who went here to CBC last year was killed in an avalanche.
the news has shocked me and although I do not know the girl personally, her boyfriend still goes here to CBC and lives in the OL house (outdoor leadership house) where a couple of my friends live. I do not know James, but I can only imagine the pain that he is experiencing and it's brought me to tears several times since yesturday.
the unnerving reality that death is sudden and real... and even that death can happen to those who I love and hold dear, that cam, my parents, family, friends are not safe from it, and neither am I. i never want to experience receiving a phone call hearing of cam or anyone else for that matter, who has passed suddenly.

so here is my heartfelt sorry.. for James, for Kims family and all those that have been affected by her death. I am so so so so sooo sorry, that this has happened, and I pray with all of my heart and energy that God will bring peace and comfort to you.
God Bless.

okay... so Im going to be writting my paper tomorrow and doing my argument on tuesday in class on my ethical issue. However, I want your opinion and advice when it comes to my topic, everything you got. For or Against. Get me thinking about more angles, there is tonz of research in this, its VERY interesting! (at least to me!) so... leave me a comment. PLEASE! :)

POST-MENOPAUSAL PREGNANCIES
having a child after menopause which average age is about 55-56 years old.

how ethical is this? considering the child's life.

I loooove being spontaneous, its one of my favorite things EVER! next to being surprised, which Cam has taken to doing lots and lots of which is super sweet! Past Sunday was one of those spontaneous times... after a halarious lingere shower for Lena, Nan and I drove home to Abby and since the sun was out, our shades were on and the music was blared, Nan had the fantastic idea of going to the tunnels outside of Hope just to hang out, so we did!! We pulled into the parking lot of CBC, grabbed Cam, Julie and Caitlin and took off! It was soooo much fun! if only we had rememberd to bring a flashlight though!! opps on that one... but seriously it was georgous!! absolutely beautiful, yet the tunnels were terrifying you couldnt see a thing!

At least I had fun on the sunday, cause the rest of this past week has been sucky to say the least. I was horribly sick with stomach cramps and head aches/dizzyness on Monday... Cam was a SWEETHEART! and surprised me with Ben and jerrys icecream and some cuddles! :) my favorites!! then Tuesday along with what was left of the cramps and dizzyness I sprained my ankle going up the stairs to go to Vespers, I didnt think much of it cause it didnt hurt too much...but when I tried to walk home, Cam had to help steady me and I used him as my "cane" for the rest of the way... now it hasnt gotten better, but worse and Cam was sooo sweet to take me to the clinic yesturday afternoon to get it checked out. The doctor was no help at all, but did tell me Im not allowed to work all weekend or walk around too much, I have to ice it as much as possible on a pillow for height... yep! sucky!
but O well... at least I had my super sweet man to take care of me all week long! which he did! I love him! :)

Blessings and please pray for my foot :'( Im such a gimp right now!

its been a while...sorry guys!
life has been very busy, lots of homework to get done, most of which I finished Monday and Tuesday, all the small stuff so that I can get started and keep focus on the big stuff! like my ethical reasoning paper.

Im doing the ethical issue of post-menopausal pregnancies, meaning woman who have babies when they are not physically able anymore through fertalization. there is something about this that makes me angry!!! I mean... why would a woman be so selfish as to bring a baby into the world, only to "enjoy" that child for a short amount of time because of the reality that woman in their 60's don't usually live very much longer! I find that its kinda crazy... but thats just my opinion.
Im also doing an assignment with Alissa on Haggai in the minor prophets, this assignment is very very fun!
next is my Anabaptist integration paper... long and all about how the Anabaptist movement of the 16th century has effected my own theology and in what ways, this one Im looking foward to writing (i love writing anyways!) but I think its going to be more challenging.... O well, a challenge is good!

so yep! thats going to be my life for the next three weeks O well!

o... I know what Im taking next semester already!

Biblical Hermenutics
Intro to Phsycology 1
Intro to Counselling 1
Marriage and Family

It'll be a good one! although Im thinking of throwing in another biblical elective just to make it 15 credits, but we'll see.
till next time! :)

Blessings!

so Im aware that this is an old picture, taken on Cams birthday last year (april 17) BUT the reason for the post is that... I GOT CONTACTS TODAY!!! and this picture represents the last time I wore contacts for an extended amount of time, before I ran out and became a broke college student. Now that my glasses broke, and I took a kaaa-ching outta my bank account... my parents were kind enough to step in and offer to buy me contacts from costco for a third of the price my glasses cost and half the price I paid last year to have contacts! so yippeee.. for finding a waaaaay cheaper way to buy contacts and a even louder yippeee that my mommy and daddy are happy and loving enough (out of pity I guess) to buy me a six-month supply... heck! I should accidently break more expensive yet manditory stuff more often! :) *heehee*... I'll post another more recent pic of my non-glass wearing lifestyle as soon as Im back at school and re-united with my camera, maybe I'll coax Cam into a pic as well!

**Hugz** and Blessings to all!

O... and yes, DON'T FORGET to spring ahead tonight! :)

take a look at this cuttie!! isnt she ADORABLE!? and check out her super sweet shirt? like? thats right, I picked it out! Jen just sent me this picture and since its too cute for words I thought I'd post it to show off one of the two amazingly adorable baby girls!! each one belonging to one of two of Cams sisters... Michele, you've got to send me a pic of Jaclyn in her shirt when shes fitting into it and when you get the chance! Plllllease! **puppy eyes**


O and I couldnt resist not posting this one... yep, thats Cam! No, not the one wearing yellow! ;)
Blessings!!

I finally watched it today!... PETER PAN! and it was GREAT!... o, how I missed the adventure :)
I was up till very late last night, 4:00am writing an exegetical paper on Jonah 2:1-10
12 pages! oooo yah.... way too long though, I know that I went over, but its too hard to just keep the thing to only 9-10. Yikies! O well... whats done is done.
But now... BED!

Blessings! :)

I am sooo excited! and probably really geek like to post this... but my FAVORITE Disney film is coming out of the vault on Tuesday!! can you guess which one?? PETER PAN! I dunno, something about the adventure of pirates, the living in trees and not wanting to grow up. I've always loved this classic! hook, the newer live Peter pan version and the recent finding Neverland have all helped urge on my love for this story! Yet, you can always find me at the end of the film getting mad at Peter Pan for not going back with Wendy... and staying in Neverland (especially when I watch the newer live one). BAAAA!!!! makes me so angry... cause if you love the girl, then be with her! (geezz)... **heehee** but never-the-less, this one most definatly beats out those girly princess Disney films, like snow white and beauty and the beast... I much rather be tinker bell or wendy, then ariel or cinderella! Fighting off pirates and living in a cool tree house!
well.... can you guess what I'll hopefully be doing Tuesday night??? YOU GUESSED IT! other then writing my huge minor prophets paper, My eyes will be set to the screen watching the classic Ive missed seeing for years!

the snow stopped **sniff sniff** ... not enough for making snowmen or wearing sweatpants all day. Darnit! O well, at least I cleaned my room, so I was some-what productive today!
Although.... I think Im still going to go and make that hot chocolate! :P

IT'S SNOWING OUTSIDE!!!
cam wins... he said it would snow, I said that it would rain.
He was right, I was wrong.
O well, at least tomorrow I have an excuse to make a snowman and drink hot chocolate while wearing my sweatpants all day long!
yippppeeee.... I loooove winter!

HAPPY ONE YEAR!!! (yesturday)
so... February 24, 2007 was Cam and I's one year anniversary!
I was soooo super happy and excited to be celebrating such a special day. The day before Cam asked me to meet him at Willowbrook mall at 9:45 the morning of the 24th. Of course I was there early. I had nooooo idea what to expect, and since I love surprises, Cam has taken a liking to surprising me every chance he gets! (yippeee) He made sure I had no idea...
so he took me through Sears, while telling me that "the mall was a decoy, we're not actually doing anything there" minutes after he says this he spots the photo studio and leads me in.. he had set up an appointment for us to get professional photos done!!!
it was SUCH A SWEET IDEA! and it was soooooo much fun, a memory not soon forgotten.
After we went for brunch at White Spot thanks to Jason who gave us a gift card for Christmas... we both enjoyed eggs benedict (our favorite).
Then I had to take him to the ferry terminal for him to catch the 1:05pm ferry to the Island where he is right now...
an awesome morning spent with my wonderful man! :)

So... the most tragic thing happened. On Wednesday I was in prayer counselling, and it was going soooooooo good! Everything was great! and I thought "hey! I should clean my glasses, just cause their dirty and I have a midterm soon" yep. BAD IDEA! They snapped in half in my hands!!!! SO I had to tape them together for temorary relief from blindness... twenty minutes after and I was writing a midterm in Timothy and Titus class, sooo many people made fun of me :'( **sniff sniff** but its alright... I had fun with it!
The Good news is... I GOT A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES! Which I am super happy about. Cam loves them, my parents appreciate them, and I paied for them.. therefore I Love them. I got a great deal too, which was a blessing. So.. thats my story! Im also getting contacts again tomorrow, so I will be back to contacts and everyonce in a while be wearing these super sexy new glasses!

I GOT TO SEE THE BABIES AGAIN today!!! :D
yippeee...... I had such a blast, I LOVED it. I just hope I dont have to wait as long for the next time I see them... now its time to meet Jen and Michele's husbands, then I can finally say Ive met them all.

I took some photos of my own this time, and Jen is emailing me some more soon but here we go!

Here I am holding Addison again... shes SOOOO sweet! They both are!






This is Jen and Addison!








Another one of Addie, but can you see that her hair is sticking up? Super sweet! :)








Here is Michele and Jaclyn!!










Baby Jaclyn again!! I looove her green sleeper.

yesturday was one of my most exciting days! I FINALLY got to meet Jen and Michele, Cams older sisters, and let me tell you... they are GREAT! I had such a fun time with them, and I am so blessed because they were/are seriously interested in getting to know me, and they were both very excited to meet me as well.
I was giddy all day! :)
Also, I got to meet Addison (Jens daughter) and Jaclyn (Micheles daughter) these kids are BEAUTIFUL! very very VERY cute! Whenever Cam or Kelvin (cams dad) was ready to hand over one I would volunteer!!!! I LOVE babies, and I especially love these two.
I felt so honored to be apart of that family get together, I felt so welcomed and so appreciated.. it was great!
Also... what was sooooo much fun, was that Jen offered to show me Cams baby/kid/teenage photos, so Michele and Jen sat with me on the couch while they pulled out photo after photo of Cam as a kid. HE WAS SOOOO ADORABLE!!!! seriously, even his "geeky" stage was super sweet! :) It made me smile all that much more!
They are coming back this year for Christmas 2007, so I will get to see them again this year! I am excited... the babies are going to be huge compared to now, but then I'll be able to go shopping again for them! yipppeee....
I copied some pics off of Micheles blog thats the link for it, if you wanna see more pics.


I am holding Addison and Cam is holding Jaclyn... awwww, Cam! always the funny faces **heehee** :)

so... you're probably wondering what Cam did for me for Valentines day... huh??
well! He woke up at 7:30 in the morning! which is UNHEARD OF for him. He decided that surprising me just after 8am would throw me off and I would talk to him (remember I wasn't supposed to because of the game).. anyways, he banged on the door for like ten minutes waiting for me to wake up, and then waited for me to get to the door... I finally let him in and the surprise was AWESOME! I LOVE BEING SUPRISED.

He came to me with a huge boquet of carnation flowers, and my FAVORITE Ben and Jerrys icecream.. it was the SWEETEST thing ever!!!





but... I didnt talk, and didnt talk all day to him because of that stupid game. I could have been with him all day, instead, I only was with him for a bit.
next year. I AM NOT PLAYING!

and I DO NOT want to be pressured again to not talk to my boyfriend on what was supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. I am so angry against my entire unit and all my friends for making me do it.. and making me feel horribly guilty for not wanting to. AAAAHHHH... GRRRR....
I just wanted an amazing day with Cam and instead I watched girly movies and made a house out of felt for Nantina. **angry face**

yes... I am bitter! :P

but, Cam... was AMAZING! on that day... I have such a wonderful man! :D

Blessings!

tomorrow is valentines day!
am I excited?? Heck yes I am! WHY?? you ask??... well, you see there is a game at CBC which is called something like "heart day!" or whatever. Pretty much the girls on campus make carboard hearts and decorate them with their names on it... they then are unable to talk to all boys on campus until 6pm, unless they want to give up their heart. the boys with the most hearts in the end (taken from girls, by making them talk) and the girls with the most hearts at the end (who have not talked to boys and get to keep their hearts) wins a pizza party with some other goodies. My unit is DETERMINED! to win, plus my RA wants pizza badly, the food here is horrible some days, well... most days, and we're desperate for some good junk food.
PROBLEM!!!
Cam is DETERMINED! to get my heart... I told him that he Must do something exceptionally extrodinary for me to talk to him... so now Im scared to see what hes going to come up with. NO smile, or childish little gesture is going to make me say anything... it needs to be GOOD!
I'll let you know what happened... and what he tried so hard with... but hes had a grin on his face for the past week, with his sly little comments like "we'll see about you keeping your heart on valentines day!" I know he had to fight for the car for tomorrow too, so there must be something up! hmmmm.... I keep trying to figure it out! maybe mini-golfing??? we ALWAYS go mini-golfing!!
but yes... so tomorrow, Nantina has decided to be my escort for the day, walking with me everywhere so that I do not talk to Cam, then I'll lock myself in one of the Medowoods girls apartments for the day... this way, my unit isnt going to hate me when I break down and talk to Cam...

anyways... fingers crossed that I keep it... I want pizza too! :)
Be BLessed!!!!

so I've been tagged by my friend Heather also known to be Calamity Jane, her blog is great, you should check it out...
so apparently Im supposed to write out

6 Weird Things You May or May Not Have Known About Me (or were afraid to know)
to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what to put down here.

1. I hate sleeping in a house alone... I dunno, just the fact that at anytime someone could break into the house and kill me while Im sleeping and there would be nobody to save me, scares me half to death. I will NOT sleep in any house alone... even my place at school. I had a hard enough time sleeping in the doorm room last year by myself when Holly was gone, and there were 50 other people in the building... but nobody in the immediate room... nobody to come to my resuce when someone might possibly kill me! I know.... Im paranoid!

2. I eat with plastic cutlery... I hate eating with metal spoons, knives and forks. Even when Im at home, I especially hate it at school. I won't eat with a fork if there aren't any plastic ones left... why? I like chewing on it! or just the thought that possibly 499 other people may have sucked on that same fork grosses me out! I dunno... but people ALWAYS look at me strange when I go for the plastic.... I just say "dont ask!" and usually, they still do!

3. I hate the color blue... I like navy blue, its different, its darker and more attractive. but blue... no thanks! even the color of the button I could press to save this blog entry... UGLY!
yet everyone likes to point out that Cams eyes are blue... his eyes, amazing! anything else thats close to lightish, royal like blue... **thumbs down**

4. Im obessed with peppermint, its my favorite! I have peppermint tea, cough candies, lip gloss, gum, tooth paste, candy, icecream, hot chocolate, coffee.... yep! all of it! what can I say? Its good!

5. I love elephants... they're big, yet gentle like, crinkly and yet have a little bit of hair on the tops of their heads. One of my greatest ambitions is to ride an elephant, maybe one of these days! :)

6. last one huh!? ummmmmm........
American Eagle is my favorite clothing store, when Im in a mall.. I CAN NOT go past it without going in, rarely do I buy from there but never the less, I cant pass it without stopping, Cam usually grabs onto my hand and holds it tight when we walk past when we're in the mall, he knows me too well! :)

yep... so there we have it. 6 some-what interesting facts you may or may not know about me! but now you do... so there :P
and now... I will tag....

lauren

Dara

Kortney

Holly

Mr. Jon Poon

and Heather (even though she already did it!)


PS: I got a 80% on that Timothy and Titus paper! which is an A- which is IMPOSSIBLE to do with that professor! Im super happy! :)

so Im done my papers!!! YIPPEEE!!! :D
I was officially done last night at 2:30am... Im exhausted though.. sleep didnt happen until 3:30am.
O well... at least theres... NO HOMEWORK THIS WEEK!!!!
life is good that way! ;)

so at this moment I am researching for my Timothy and Titus paper. I am excited to do this paper, as it is from the text, 1 Timothy 2:8-15. which speaks about how women are supposed to be "quiet" and "submissive" and to not have any authority over a man... its a verse that many people would avoid at all costs. Yet, I, of course, am too curious to just ignore the possibility to do a paper on it... but here is what Ive come to agree with as I've been researching...

"Eve's being made after Adam, and out of him, puts an honor upon that sex, as the glory of man (1 Cor. 11:7). If man is the head, she is the crown... The man was dust refined, but the womam was dust double-refined, one removed further from the earth. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved." Matthew Henry

so my head hurts sooo much right now... I dont understand why, I never get headaches, really I dont! But of course, just as I am to write my huge Timothy and Titus paper that is due on monday, I get a huge headache!!! :'( **sniff sniff**
O well, I have all morning and night tomorrow and then all morning again sunday to finish it.....

I feel lately like Ive been pulled in so many different directions, I have soooo many people asking to have coffee with me, or talk, or hang out...and I love these people, these people are my closest friends, yet my life is so crazy insane and full of things non-stop everyday that I feel as though these demands from other people are the hardest things to fulfill....
I have school work, work, school classes in general, and as much as most people hate hearing me say it, time with Cam is essential for me...
so when others at school, at home, where-ever ask for some of my time, I feel horrible because I have no time to give, hardly any to offer, and then I have next to none for myself...

how can I juggle it all?

If you ask me for coffee and Im unable to do it for a while... please try and understand. I have 5 coffee dates waiting who just live in surrey, more people at school who I love and adore asking for my time as well, my amazing boyfriend who I just want to be with all the time needs to see me too... I go home weekends for work and go to school full time.... BAA!!!!

just so everyone knows who reads this!
YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME! you really are... just please try and understand how much I am trying to make time for you! :)
be paitent with me!

Be Blessed! :)

so I picked up the book "captivating" on friday afternoon, last night I started reading it and today Im having a hard time putting it down, even though there are two research essays I absolutely have to get done soon.

This book has opened up my eyes to a huge reality which I have been struggling with every since Cam and I started dating and has seemingly not gone away.
I long, I THRIVE, no.. I desire with every part of my being to be persued, loved, taken care of, protected, chased after and told that I am beautiful.
I desire to be held when I am sick, to be stared at when I am stunning, to be chased when I am busy, to be kissed when I am vunerable... to be protected when I am scared, to be loved when I am angry, to be entertained when I cant seem to smile, and to be told that I am everything he has ever wanted, that I am the angel he has prayed for and can not seem to understand how I came into his life.
I long, want and was created to be... persued, and beautiful.

I do not think that guys understand this longing that most women have, (some more than others) to be chased after, protected and taken care of.
And when we do not feel this way, when our men do not "get it"... it hurts us to the very core of our being.
Yet, I also think that some men do "get it" but are clueless as to how they are supposed to "measure up" to the expectations that some women have.
I hate that Ive even put up those expectations... those which I have torn down.

TRY!!!!! o my goodness just TRY!
say that you love her, say that she is the best thing thats happened to you since take out sushi! ;)
TELL HER SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
surprise her with a date, surprise her by showing up at her house with flowers, surprise her with Ben N' Jerrys icecream... find her and give her the sweetest hug and kiss just because you couldnt stand being without any longer.

I have truely come to realise how important this is to me... that this is the way that I feel and that its okay because I was created in the likeness of God, I was created to be vunerable, beautiful, and a delight.
Praise God!

PS: TODAY IS CAM's AND I ELEVEN MONTH!!!

woot woot! **doing a little dance :P **
I know... Im a dork, but still... can't a girl be happy!? and proclaim her love for her boyfriend, well, I won't be quite that descriptive other then:

I LOVE YOU CAMERON LYLE STEHR!
**heehee**

so this is the word of the day: HEALING

what did you think I was going to talk about??? hhaha... you're probably thinking, "this again Nicole, you always talk about healing... its like your obsessed" YEP! good observation and I probably am, but this is because its so very real in my life that there is nothing else I ponder really, Other than the revelations of Christ, Of course!

last night at vespers there was a song about healing and it really brought me to start thinking again about what it truely means to be healed and to be walking in healing, what I really have started to appreciate is to see myself as a person of healing grace... as a person being healed by God in the grace of God, to not see my "disease" of negative thought or self destruction, but to see the healing which is taking place every single day! I love this revelation of thought...

... I absolutely LOVE Romans chapter six verses ninteen to twenty three, which reads:

19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[b] Christ Jesus our Lord.

LET YOUR BODY, SOUL AND LIFE BE USED FOR GODS RIGHTEOUSNESS!!!
AMEN!
Be Blessed! ;)

although the pain of realtionships are still very real and still a very repeating process, i have discovered that the joys of realtionships continously overthrow the bad encounters.
things are good... life is wonderful... and the darkness of night has brightened with singing birds and blooming flowers. what has progressed you may ask to make me talk of birds and flowers?
the acknowledgement that i am among the fallen in the world....what i mean is that my thoughtprocesses have caused me more harm than good, on most days. I now have to come to terms that there will always be a fight in the way I think, and that capturing my thoughts is a practice i need in every way to learn..
the enemy has made expert attempts in making one feel rotten and distorting their mind to think of themselves as nothing other than the fallen being they are.
ive got news!
I AM WORTHY! and so are you!
yesturday morning i walked into my prayer counsellors office... (you may gasp at the notion that one like me would ever dream of going to prayer counselling, not that "one like me" is even meant to sound like i am near better than anyone else, i am not, which is my point)But if you read in my previous posts you will discover that God has done things in my life that no other could possibly do... healing has been my "foundation word" among others as the theme of my past six months... but what i am really trying to get at is that the thought proccess which i was indugling in was nowhere near healthy... and nothing like what God has been trying to whisper in my ear
so what are the whispers that resound after chasing away the lies????
that I AM LOVABLE!
I AM BEAUTIFUL... and I AM A CHILD OF GOD!
this I know with more than anything now... is TRUTH! Praise God!
when lies seem to be the foundation of your thoughts, serious consequences become what you start to live out... which seep into the everyday of life, relationships and all.
i no longer long to "fix" no longer long to "control" no longer feel the threat of unworthyness and unlove... i recongize now that i am truely a fallen human soul, and so is my scooby of a man, But... I am also saved by the grace of God...
i can not... i REFUSE to allow myself to beleive that all my worth depends and is laid within the boundries of my previous "happily ever after" mentality, which is of itself a falseness, an obvious lie!
To lay the monster burden of dependance and completeness on the man I love is false as well, that is a shoe that only God can fill...
I am WORTHY enough and worth enough to change myself, for myself but most importantly for God and in the basis of God changing me for him... not solely for another human, even if that human is the one which happens to be the love of my life...

PRAISE GOD! another wall has fallen, may it never be built again.

Be Blessed! :)

as i sit here...
there are so many things going through my head.. about life, love, relationships, people. i guess i dont understand sometimes why emotional pain can come so easy and yet be so complicated to understand, or express. there is so much flooding my mind in regards to one of the most important relationships in my life... so many questions unanswered, so many misunderstandings and things i dont believe i will ever understand about him... there is pain, sorrow, deep burdens that seem to never lift themselves off of me. im not entirely sure what im getting at.. or if what i say here has any reason to be said, i dont know what will result from a nights conversation, or if the "dream" of happily ever after will ever really be "happily", i wish that it can and in a lot of ways i believe and trust in the promise that it may and it could. but who would have ever thought that love could be this painful and this complicated?? i thought that you love, and then thats it... life makes sence, yet when in fact it seems that you love and life gets more complicated, the mirrior is infront of you and you dont wish to take a look at yourself... isnt that apart of it all? taking a look at yourself? loving another with the expectation and assumption of personal change? i believe so... in lots of ways i want to change to benefit another, in regards to less emotional trama, less selfishness, less anger, less "blowing up" and less want for myself... isnt that what love and marriage are all about? giving to another your complete self... desiring to better yourself for the sake of the other? i dont know anymore, things seem so complicated when it seems like they could be so simple... love is so hard when it should be so easy... i dont expect answers tonight... i dont really expect anything but a hug and a few tears... i guess i mostly expect another painful episode and another cuddle session with my Columbia girls, nothing has changed so far, so why could i expect a change now? yet the Godly voice still resounds in my ear "stay... I promise..." so that i will do... i still love, i still love very much, i just wish it could be easier.

ps. my eye... sooo much better! Praise God! Because i wouldnt of been able to handle an infection with school going full swing

so here I am... back at Columbia. I am sooo happy that I am back.
I mean I love my family and all, they are great! But I was just wanting to get out and be on my own again. Yippeee... for being here and finally getting back into the swing of things with classes and all, but thank goodness that doesnt start up until wednesday!!!!

news on my eye you ask?
still taking antibiotics for it... its been doing alright, until this morning where it hurts really badly again! :S BAAAAA!!!!
but everything should be well again soon. **fingers crossed**
at least my eye doesnt still look swelled, although Im still not allowed to wear eye makeup. O Well!

Be Blessed! :)

I am officially a gimp, why you might ask? Look at this picture, I didnt post it just because I like taking pictures of myself for fun, but because look at my right eye compared to my left eye. Doesnt it look like Im squinting or that my right eye is just shut a little bit too much? No my eyes are not naturally that way, it just decided to do that on wednesday morning and hasnt gone away! My eye is swelling, and it HURTS, not just a slight itch... it HURTS! It has a sharping, horrible pain whenever I close my eye, squint or slightly touch the surrounding area. I even went to the clinic yesturday where the nice doctor guy said "well, I dont know why your eye is swelled like that, I do not see anything... so here are some anti-bacterial drops just in case!" Thanks kind doctor, I really appreciate that you told me you have no idea after I waited a hour and a half to see you! :P O well, I got the drops, they make my eye sting and nothing has changed but I hope things do... I dont want to drive right now in fear that my eye will all the sudden blur on me, that'd be scary! But this isnt the best part, Ive been biten by my adorable ten pound dog, smashed my finger at work where it completely turned blue and was horrible to bend to having my eye swell up on me and make me cry, which made me cry even more because the crying hurt so much I cried.... yep! All in a week..wow, isnt that sad?
Cam asked me to not do anything else that would cause me physical harm for the rest of this week, ive pretty much covered the basics, feet, hands and eyes.
Pray for me that I dont accidently do something else which would be more horrible I think I might cry again, which I know would HURT! :'(, O the pain of it all!

Be Blessed! :)

Lauren and I spent thursday morning/afternoon together. We went to Tim Hortons because she hadn't been there yet! Our conversation was great.. relaxed and on-going. Its like she never left... Like shes been here the whole time. Im so excited to see her again tomorrow and then shes back for a while in May! Yipppeee....
Lauren! I know you read this:
thanks so much for being such a wonderful, fun, bright, encouraging and inspiring woman of God. I am so glad and excited that we have kept friends for so long and continue to even though we are miles apart.
You are FAB ;)