so today... was kinda a bad day... i sat around contemplating whether or not Cam might possibly walk through my front door in a "surprise!" kinda way. no luck :'(
he hasnt told me when he will be home next.. he said he has a day off somewhere, sometime... but never said which day.. ah! seriously missing him, seriously a lot! and its seriously hurting...
makes me wanna cry.. saturdays are not going to be my fun days this summer... cause they will be days i know he has off yet wont know whether or not i'll get the chance to see him...
i know im sounding like a sap, but its been 17 days since ive seen him last.. and i dont like it :P

because of my vunerable "miss cam" thought process... ive come to other conclusions that have helped me feel really depressed today. dont you hate it when you allow something to make you sad and then the enemy or yourself feeds on that and other things start to come to your mind???
i bet you all know what I mean...
that happened to me today. i was sitting in my living room going "am i all alone?" are there friends out there i could call? nantina is always busy now with work... so i feel like i miss her all the time, dara is so far away, lauren is in england... my best friends just seem so far, and now cam is at camp.
BA! i feel as though all the sudden i have no friends... i have no relaitonships, they are all scattered all over the place. and im left alone in my house... sometimes i really REALLY hate this house and the tv.

then i asked myself, am I loving others enough? am I really being the christian friend that i could be? am I loving them with true Christ love? or am I just keeping myself hidden from it all.. and allowing myself to become this lazy, 21 yr old hermit girl that watches tv all the time and only works??
boy... i want to hang out with people more often, even though at most times i avoid it... why!? why am I avoiding it?