so you may wonder who that is standing there in both of these lovely images!? well.. its me! there on the right, infront of the Mac store was me last summer August 2005, and that other picture there on the left is of me at the local mini golf in February of this year. So whats different? in the picture on the left, I am 40lbs lighter.
I posted these next to eachother for me to realize and visually see how far I have come physcially in my quest for greater health.... Because for me remembering what it was like last year at this time is almost a hard task, I have decided to just push it aside so because of that I need to continue to remind myself of the days when a size 12 was stretching it, now I walk into my favorite store American Eagle and their size 8 is already too big....
I think my body has had enough time to adjust to my new size... and now I believe since I am back on my super strict diet I may shrink even more.
trust me, Im not complaining.

Although dropping that much weight in such a small amount of time (october-december) was almost the easiest thing ever! it melted practically... it was also the hardest. It was sooo hard in the way that I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) I have come to realise how important health can be, and surrounding yourself with people that care and are willing to smack your hand when something that looks soooo good may not be such a great thing to digest a couple hours after consumption....

I find it funny when I tell other people that I have a digestive problem and cant eat most foods, how they say "you're soo lucky I wish I could have that so I can lose some weight!" hahahaha... although when Im in the right mind set I am thankful that what tastes good could cause lots of pain so its necessary to avoid, which means saving me some extra calories. But it is most definatly the hardest fight of my life... you are always against yourself... I at most times become my own worst enemy and I get depressed, emotional (im naturally super emotional), and agressive. If I want to screw myself over... trust me I Know the best way how.
I have recently come out of one of my "screw it" phases that cost me 10lbs of weight back on, lots of pain, lots of emotional turmoil, stress and hate against myself. When I am in this midset, its hard to come out of... I go to food to hurt myself, because I feel so much like I dont deserve to be healthy, its a really horrible roller coaster. My last eposide lasted maybe three months.... I'am determined not to fall back... God has showed me how much I am worth and how badly I had been damaging the important blessing of health

What am I trying to say? Mostly I guess I am venting it out... I have found that if I allow myself to talk about it, instead of screwing my body over then everyone is happy! hahaha.... I have found out that I truly care, I truly want and deserve great health... I can deal with the fact that my stomach doesnt work the way it should, and I realize I can handle a treat every now and again...

so be prepared, if you're going to be a casual reader to hear some of my stories...of a girl that is full of emotion... and that cant eat everything out of the grocery store.... but that loves God!!! and is thankful and grateful for the health she has held onto.