"this is the message he has given us to announce to you. God is light and there is no darkness in him at all. so we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness. we are not living in the truth. but if we are living in the light of God's presence just as Christ is then we have fellowship with each other and the blood of Jesus, his Son cleanses us from every sin. " 1 john 1:5-7

I love this book of the bible, 1 john is probably my favorite new testament book. Just because it talks so much about living as a christian. It talks so much about living as Christ.... and about love. chapter 4 alone talks so much about the love God has for us and the love we should have for one another.

but this verse above, speaks so loudly to me.... "so we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness" I had lived so long in spiritual darkness, I still struggle with the reality that God loves me so much and wants to spend every moment with me... if I allow him to do so. I have accepted him.... but have I truly accepted the life that goes along with him? once again dont get me wrong, I am a christian, I do love God... and I do want to worship him with every part of my life. but what does that exactly look like?

I think it looks like "living in the light of Gods presence" having conversations with him regularly without a set scheduale, I think it means allowing him to be apart of every single area of my life, even if i struggle to control it. He understands my struggles, he understands my emotions, he understands my frustrations... because he understands me, completely. I believe that my mind is set to see things the way they are "supposed" to be. For instance. I am "supposed' to wake up every morning at a certain time to pray and read... and meditate and if I dont do this then I am a "crazy horrible christian" isnt that legalism? Isnt that completely destructive? because if I do not do what I am "supposed" to do, then I consider myself worthless and a failure. yikies!...

so.. the greatest commandment is to love God.
its not to "pray to God" or "set a scheduale to worship God" because those things, when they are done with a feeling of desperate need to fulfill oneself, are selfish. thats not love. Love is not selfish.
Those things will come out of my love for God.... talking to him, having him be a part of my everyday life, longing to be and spend time with him... those things come out of love.
However, "he will not do my miracle what i am to do by obedience"....
by loving him, I obey him... by worshiping him, I obey him...he will not perform the huge miracle of changing my life if Im just going to sit around and watch him do it, I need to be involved as well. I need to put in work.... I just need to understand that Loving him, is MOST important.

so excuse me as i go and pray.... and have a converstaion with the God that I do, truly, and honestly LOVE!