WE GOT THE PLACE! the one that I was describing in the previous post. We got it! And the best, most crazy part? Well, let me tell the story, since I love telling it!

After a very exhausting and horrible day of packing, Cam came home to pick me up and we went down to this new place to take a look at this newly renovated, pretty in the photos basement suite. However, we've been through that before and were extremely dissapointed before, so I didn't want to get our hopes up.
We knocked on the door, and this young guy (only a few years older than Cam) holding this adorable little girl answered. He was really friendly, really nice and I breathed a sigh of relief! He took us to the suite, around the side of the house (which has its OWN patio and private cemented area with a fence) and let us in. The moment I stepped through the entrance (which are french doors!) I LOVED it. Lamenant flooring in the kitchen, beautiful fireplace with mantel, good size family area, an island in the kitchen which actually IS a kitchen, has the best fridge around and a great dishwasher and stove. We then moved to the bedroom which is such a great size and has cable... the other bedroom which has such a cute stacker washer/dryer and then the super small but adorable bathroom. We turned around to the guy and asked "what is the next step? we want to rent this!"

As Jon was explaining, he stopped and asked Cam (who has his youth worker shirt on) what a youth worker was? where did he go to school? are you guys christian? Yes, we're christian! we stated a little unsure where he was going with it.
Then it comes out that he goes to Cams parents church! He works at Langley Christian High and the family that lives across the street from them also know the Stehrs... Weird we say... then give them our info. They said they would call but another couple are interested too... they need to discuss it.
So... we head off to White Spot, and then two hours later. They call and what do we find out? Cams sister Michele had graduated with Jon and his wife. Christy (his wife) hung out with Michele in gym class in grade nine!! and a lady that Jons mom works with knows Cams family!!! They then state that they are looking at Cams grade nine photo as they sit there speaking to us on their home phone.
we're like WHAT!????
The next thing was like music to my hears "we want to reserve you guys! come over in a couple days and if you bring us your deposit we would LOVE for you guys to be our renters"

so there you go... what an incredible answer to prayer huh?!

We went over the other day to sign their rental agreement, and give them our deposit so we can secure the suite for July 1st. They said they are so thrilled to have us as their tenants and we're so thrilled to have them as our landlords. We ended up staying over there for about two hours just talking and realised that we have a lot in common!

God is seriously good, because situations like this, I believe, never occur without Him. Things like this have been happening left right and center for my family and my life with Cam. Its unbelieveable how God has provided, and blessed us. Im beyond words, this season of life is absolutely the most wonderful. So... I'll post some pic once we finally make it our own.

But for now, since we're living with Cams parents, there will be no access to internet unless I walk down to my parents house which I will do on a regular basis. So.... call me if you wish!

hugs and loves!
The Stehrs :)

wow! its been a while... and come on, no comments!? :P just bugging...

so whats new? Um... still haven't found a place "officially" we LOVE this one place (at least we love the online photos, whats included, the price and location) its all that we're looking for. BUT we haven't seen it yet, we haven't put money down on it yet, and its not available until July 1st. SO! we're hoping to see it tomorrow after Cam is off work, and that means if we get it **fingers crossed** we'll be staying with Mom and Dad Stehr until then. SURPRISE MOM!
it should be allll good, Im actually really looking forward to the bonding time with my new folks. I haven't had the opportunity to be that close to them, so its all exciting to me! But if this place falls through, then we're back to square one with searching. We're not too worried, just had enough and want to settle down.

so it was one of my best friends birthday last friday and we went to her party. im really sad cause she hasn't found a job around here yet (she is from Ontario and doesn't want to go back) but no job equals no income and no money to live here or pay for school next semester, so.... shes in a tight spot, and I HATE seeing her in that tight of a spot. Its actually a very common thing to hear around here, CBC students without summer jobs. Im SO thankful for the work that Cam and I have... even my good friend Amy's husband has no job and she has to go to school in September, her PDP which is impossible to get accepted to. She got in!!! And now the hubby has to take over the job of "bringing home the bacon" but there is no work in his trade. What to do? Other than just completely rely on God. Please keep these very special people in your heart and prayers, I hate to see them living out this terribly difficult season.

As well, Jason, my brother just got layed off work. Please pray for him and that he finds a job soon. He is at a cross road as to what to do for his career, stay with the Union? Or venture out, go to BCIT and move forward quicker. If only he can find that job!!

other than the realization of the recession things are going really well! my long-time friend and practical cousin Karen Roeck (used to be Ens) just had her first baby this morning at 5am! CONGRATS YOU GUYS! LOVE YOU LOTS! The babys name is Katlyn Margaret Roeck and she was 7lbs 12oz or so. We visited them at the hospital tonight and Karen is glowing and Aaron couldn't keep his hands off his daugther. What a cute family.

I will leave you with some fun photos from Julies birthday... Take care all and have a happy Tuesday!

hey peeps! well... there is a LOT going on right now in the lives of us, the new Stehr newlyweds.

1. We put in our notice to leave our place here in Abby for May 31st, we have no place to live however and are panicked that we'll end up in one of our parents basements! please pray for us to find a suite FAST! thats cheap, good location, has laundry and amazing landlords.

2. Cam is back to work! and since we are in Abby for now, we're both waking up at 6:15am to make the drive out to Langley so Cam can be at work for 7:30am and I can be at IGA whenever my shift starts. We're spending a LOT of time at my parents right now cause mom takes Brandon and Cam to work and I hang out there until my shift starts and pick Cam up when its done. We haven't had dinner at our place in about two weeks!

3. We are coming up with some future plans and goals, this is all very very exciting and terrifying and crazy stressful all at the same time. When we finally understand what these goals look like... we'll let cha know! Mostly its me figuring out what I want to do once Cindy gets back to IGA and my year commitment and responsibilites are done.

4. We are planning two vacations this summer! Nothing too crazy cause we're going to be saving up our money like mad this summer. But we're going to my friend Carlene's wedding on July 4th and since thats the day before my birthday and its in Dawson's Creek. We are ROAD TRIPPING! SOOOO excited!! And on the way back after the wedding we are going to do some wine tastings in Kelowna or Pentiction. Its going to be fun fun fun! Then we're camping in August with my brothers, fishing, drinking some beer, BBQ'ing, the works!

Life is looking great like usual... we have some very exciting times ahead, I feel like life is going to start at any moment and be amazing!!! But then I forget that it already is! :)

Update on my doctors appointment, it went well. There IS something wrong that I need some meds for, but I will NOT go into it so do not ask! No surgery needed though, so thats fantastic!! I still think that something is wrong with my stomach/chest/lungs. I need to see a doctor for it, but Im not sure how to go about it quite yet. Pretty well stress is taking over my entire body and messing it up. Thats the ultimate problem, so I need to figure out what my life needs to look like in order for me to control it and stop the medical problems. Lots of discipline, self discovery and journaling in store for me this year... its my goal to fix everything before Cam and I are ready for kids. Thats about two years then, its going to take time. But I need to do this for myself and my future, my husband and family. Pretty well if I keep up what Im doing Im probably just going to be sick and get sicker for the rest of my life, my body is just waay to sensitive.

Alright. Time to put together some food and go out to get my mothers some presents for tomorrow, Im really excited to celebrate them!!!!

Lots of love and hugs!

O.. and YAY for Third Day! Cam and I get to go to the concert tonight with a bunch of friends for REALLY cheap! Front row too! I'll brag about it tomorrow :P

i was going through my wedding photos today... just to take a peek again, i loooove looking at them because they make me feel sooo beautiful and so loved. it was such a magical and wonderful day! Especially with the snow.

but i came across this photo of my dad and WOW it captures the exact essence of my father. i looove my daddy, im such a daddys girl. i adore him, and i am sooo thankful because as of yesterday my dad has officially been hired on to Microplex once again! YIPPEEEE! praise the Lord, my father has a job. and we are thrilled. it means so much to me, and cameron that my father has work and stability, just more proof of how good God has been and the blessings he's given to my father, mother and us. so now we can all breathe a little easier!

God is good... all the time! amen!

love, hugz and fuzzy thoughts!

yesterday as my name was called i walked across the stage at Northview Church in red, i had a funny hat on with a tassel that read "2009" and was given a folder with my name written on a piece of fancy paper indicating that i, yes, i indeed have succeeded in completeing a diploma in Caregiving & Counseling at Columbia Bible College. actually, two faculty members asked me if i wanted my named changed on my diploma because it read Nicole Kroeker, I replied "no, its exactly the way I want it".

why!? because i came into CBC as Nicole Kroeker, and i changed my major to Counseling and Caregiving as Nicole Kroeker, and i completed my diploma as Nicole Kroeker. So therefore, that name is staying attached to that particular accomplishment.

i didn't think that yesterday was going to affect me the way that it did. i kept telling everyone, including myself that its "not a big deal, this is Cams big grad, its not mine". but then as Doug Epp and my favorite professor, Gay Lynn Voth spoke at the dinner i started to break down in tears. This place, this home... is never going to be the same. Yes, I will walk these halls again in January and i will walk them proudly, but i will not have as many people who will stop me for a hug. i will not have my incredible roommates bug the heck out of me, and i will not take all of my meals in the cafeteria at that particular table anymore. its done! my degree may not be completed but my time at CBC the way i once knew it, was/is over. and that realisation is a very heartfelt one to experience. my beloved friend Julie and my "other brother" Dave are still going to be there when i return, there is thankfully tremendous comfort in that fact. but no longer will i have conversations with Carlene about our weddings and psych classes, no longer will there be Ryan to bug, or the Nolte couple to joke around with in the halls. Jackie is moving on, and so it changes.

So the question being asked is .... What am I doing now?
Im going back and completeing a Bachelor of Arts degree in January, to me, a diploma is just NOT good enough... I will hopefully do some correspondance throughout the summer next year so I can continue to work and also so that I don't burn out and graduate when I want to (with Julie!)
I will then go on to a Masters Degree, Im looking and planning on the program at Trinity Western in ACTS.
we'll see... these are my plans, but well... we all know how plans can change.

Love and prayers... with lots of reflection today.
Nicole Stehr

lately ive been thinking a lot about my future. i guess one of my faults is that i always want to know whats coming around the corner, i always want to know what to expect. i LOVE surprises, but when it comes to my life and my future i want to be "in the know". which in most cases is absolutely ridiculous and completely impossible. this is why im convinced that God is going to throw a baby into the mix when i least expect it, (no! im not pregnant).

why have i been thinking about tomorrow? about two months, six months, a year from now? i guess cause im bored?! (i get bored very easily), or maybe because i know that what i wake up to do today isn't what im supposed to do tomorrow, or a year from now, or even eight months from now. i know that there is this incredible plan that i can see but just can't hold yet and thats whats so crazy exciting to me.

school... i ADORE school. i never, ever! thought that'd be me. i never thought that i would be the book worm, the psychology major, i never pictured myself trying to stay in school for the longest time possible, but i want to. and well... i will.
my dream goal? a PhD in psychology. and i seriously don't care if i reach that at 60 years old. i don't care that i may have to put school off when that pregancy comes completely out of the blue (im telling you its going to be the biggest surprise at the most unreal time!) at the very least I'll put my Masters Degree off. i KNOW that counselling, or what my friend said... social work is my future. and although i have the "plan" on the horizons, i still don't know what is around the corner and in a lot of ways that scares the crap out of me. but at least i know that once i turn the corner i have a strong sense of where i want to be and who i will be. and at least i know that by the time im in my thirties and finished my masters degree and talking in highschools, youth groups, community centres to girls about pre-marital sex, eating disorders, drug abuse, body abuse and more... i'll have seen more, know more, be more mature to deal with what will come my way. did i mention im excited and eager to get started?

i guess i just realised the other day while driving to work... that i know exactly who i am. i know exactly who i live for and know exactly where i am going in life. i know exactly what i want, and why i wake up everyday... and no one, not even the circumstances in my life and the people in my life that have tossed me around can take that away. this realization is incredibly empowering, and such a huge blessing!

im ranting, and my steak is waiting... so....

love and hugs!

ps. please pray for Cam and I, that we find a place around Langley, a cute, affordable home with laundry!!!! if you know anyone at all... give them our name!

So after work I came home to an empty loft, I opened up the door, knowing that Cam is at youth tonight doing something crazy with those kids. Although at most times I hate being alone, I really do enjoy my time to myself if its not hours upon hours... a nice three hour time span for me to reflect, make myself something to eat, and just tune out is really really welcoming.
I opened up the door to the Christmas lights on our railing being turned on and a piece of white paper that read "go upstairs & relax, love Cam" When I went upstairs there was Cams brown sweatshirt laid out for me on our bed that was so neatly made up! (I love wearing Cams sweatshirts after work cause its so comfy!) there was a letter on there as well telling me to go to the kitchen, so I did! To find a clean kitchen!!!! with my boxes of teas laid out, my favorite mug and the kettle full and another letter that read "turn the kettle on and pick a tea and relax, love Cam" so I turned the kettle on and picked my vanilla mighty leaf. Then on the couch Cam made up a "bed" with a bunch of blankets, pillows from our bed, my computer right next to the couch, the phone placed beside the pillow and another note that read "relax!!!"
it was soooo sweet! what a treat to come home to... so I made myself some dinner (eggs, turkey bacon and some toast ....mmm....) poped in the Shrek the Third dvd that Ive been dying to watch again and relaxed. Im still relaxing and its wonderful!!!!

WOW! I have such a considerate husband, I am so blessed and thankful.

well... hurray, at least i know FINALLY what is wrong. the clinic that Cam forced me into... literally with bribes and my kicking & screaming. but as i sat there in the cold chair waiting for my name to be called i realized that i really needed to be told what it was that i was going to be told.

so... after i had to lie down, after i was poked a dozen times and told to breathe deeply "in and out, in and out" i sat up to discover that yes, indeed stress is my enemy!

so here is the deal:
i have an imbalanced sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system.

The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is a branch of the autonomic nervous system along with the enteric nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system. It is always active at a basal level (called sympathetic tone) and becomes more active during times of stress. Its actions during the stress response comprise the fight-or-flight response. (http://en.wikipedia.org).

The parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) is a division of the autonomic nervous system (ANS), along with the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and enteric nervous system (ENS or "bowels NS"). The ANS is a subdivision of the peripheral nervous system (PNS). ANS sends fibers to three tissues: cardiac muscle, smooth muscle, or glandular tissue. This stimulation, sympathetic or parasympathetic, is to control smooth muscle contraction, regulate cardiac muscle, or stimulate or inhibit glandular secretion. The actions of the parasympathetic nervous system can be summarized as "rest and digest" (as opposed to the "fight-or-flight" effects of the sympathetic nervous system). (http://en.wikipedia.org).

Apparently because of this imbalance, one of my nervous systems is compensating for the other and dominating. Therefore, some of my organs aren't exactly "happy", they aren't functioning the way they are supposed to. So my stomach is pumping out more stomach acid than it needs, which is backing up into my esophagus and causing extreme heartburn/pressure/pain. The doctor said that the treatment is some pills and its fairly straight forward but the duration of the pill taking is tricky. i have to go see him next week this time, and he is forcing the second visit by only giving me a weeks worth of pills! Also, he figures that the last time i had an "ulcer" was not an ulcer at all but an inflammation like what im going through now, another "attack" as he called it.

After I got home and swallowed the monster pill, i did some research and am honestly a little freaked out but also very happy and excited with my findings. It turns out that this imbalance could be the result of the trauma I had when I was born (I almost died, I had the umbilical cord wrapped around my head three times), and could be responsible for my digestion issues and hormonal imbalances. crazy huh!? Well.... Im just taking it easy now, and trying to de-stress... Im going to research tactics on how to de-stress, does anyone have any pointers?

But Im not allowed coffee anymore, and no advil. O, and my headaches are connected to this all too apparently! So once my chest pain starts to go away with the meds the doctor gave me, my headaches should too.

love and hugs!

hey peeps... so I think I have come to the conclusion, after some Medical searching on the web, that I either have an ulcer or just really bad heartburn which either or SUCKS to be plagued with. O well, I guess the stress is getting to me and all the "over indulging" is causing my body to scream in revolt. Cam is taking me to the clinic today after he gets some homework done. I have today and tomorrow off (thank goodness!). But you know the sucky part? If it is an ulcer I'll have to stop taking Advil again, and stop drinking coffee again, so than WHAT THE HECK am I going to do for my headaches? AHHHH!
Stress SUCKS!

On another note, a lady came in to work yesterday, shes awesome I really like her. Actually there are a few customers that I adore! But anyways, she mentioned Sureslim to me because I had mentioned to her weeks before my wedding that I was on it cause she asked how I lost all the weight (I can't believe she noticed, Cam hardly noticed). But anyways, I had to ashamefully admit that I have been off of the program since the wedding and that its "hard to keep to now that Im married". But then on my way home I thought to myself, "what the heck is my problem? I have gained all the weight back that I had lost for the wedding and I desperately need to start taking care of myself if I want this heartburn/ulcer/stree to go away". So folks, Im going back on it on Thursday. I just need to buy a food scale. geeeeezzzzz.... Im becoming that kind of wife that I swore I never would become. You know, the kind that says "the hell with it!" and eats themselves into a size HUGE pant and gets diabetes and dies of a stroke (like my Oma).

O... speaking of my Oma, My moms aunt is amazing! My Tante Lilly gave me my Omas, mothers china set! (thats my moms grandmother, my great grandmother Angelika). I am OVER JOYED! I can not believe that I now own the china that my grandmother ate off of at special occasions, that has been in the family for years, its the BEST wedding gift of all time. Even my kitchen aid stand mixer, and my dyson vaccum don't add up to how much of an incredible gift this is. I am beyond thankful and beyond joyful to recieve it. Now I get to serve special occasion dinners with this china. And it is definitely my taste, its gold rimmed, with a floral pink pattern. I will post a picture of it soon. I bet there are second cousins and other women in the family that are pissed off that I am the one who got it! But I don't care and I fully intend on passing it down through the generations. Its like a piece of my Oma again, its like my Oma gave me this for my wedding, its like having her in my home. When I finally got to pick up that plate and exclaim how much I love it I cried a little... I miss my grandmother more than anything else in this whole world, I would give up soooo much just to be held my her again **tear**.

Well, Im off to relax on the couch and watch the remaining season 7 of Gilmore Girls. I really REALLY need this chilling time.

Love, prayers... and a big huge hug!

hey... just a quick one before work! Im working file this weekend and the next, then I get two off in a row! Just need to get through these two first before I get the sweet time off! Im not sure but now Im getting chest pain/pressure, still have the headaches, and Im dizzy and sorta sickly in the tummy if I don't eat the "right" things. I have no clue whats wrong with me! but Im dealing with it I guess....

Life is wonderful! Cam and I are looking for an apartment in Langley, please keep us in your prayers that we find something in our price range that is perfect for us! Im really nervous since we're putting in our notice and last months rent the end of this month.

eeekk... just a few minutes before I have to take off!

hey folks! well... and update, and yes the nose tea-pot story for you Alissa!
it so happens that the water from the tea-pot, as I stuck the thing in my nose, tilted my head as I was supposed to according to the picture and directions.... almost make me throw up in the sink and cough like a crazy person!!!!! Cam was wondering what I was doing up there and was sad that he missed the spectacle that was me. Im not sure if that twenty bucks was a waste of money or not because Im scared of the thing and may never do it again! No! not me!

In other news... heehee, I went to the doc. Not my doc (I don't trust that lousy man who couldn't correctly diagnose me if my life depended on it). I went to the walk in clinic in Langley, with my mommy of course cause Im a little girl! But I was brave and waited in the little waiting room all by myself (really, I was impressed with myself). The doc came in, who was awesome! He was so nice, and so little, and so kind and listened which is new to me with medical doctors (other than Dr. Williams who is my gynecologist and the most amazing doctor ever! Kort will agree Im sure). Anyways...
He asked me the usual questions which were associated with trying to discover if my headaches are in fact migraine related, and since I researched before the appointment what kind of headaches I could be getting, I knew what info he was fishing for. Most of my answers were, "no! light & sound don't effect it", "no! Im not vomitting although Im feeling very much like I want to do so!". So he came very close to look into my eyes and TA-DA! nothing seriously wrong with me **breath of relief** but that my headaches are stress related and that I need to "change my lifestyle" and if I do indeed "change my life-style and take the advil he is recommending me to take" and Im not better in a couple months then I have to go back and see him again to talk about what else it could be.

If I take the advil every day on time (every four hours), then I feel somewhat alright, but if I miss it for a little while (like this morning) then I feel headachy, dizzy, sickly, and well... just not too pretty. More weird and faded like. Im not sure whats up! And no Kort, I haven't done what you suggested, although Im wondering if I should.

Okay guys... Cam and I are attempting to look at our taxes now, he has the stuff all laid out on our kitchen table, and as much as its going to give me a headache, he brought home my favorite wine so maybe that'll make it less painful.

Lots of love and smiles!

hello all who read (which I am assuming is only Alissa and Kort!) O well, no matter to me, this is such a good way to vent! hahaha...

so these past couple of weeks?
I FINALLY got to see Alissa a couple weeks back! which was super and so much fun, we talked so much that I ended up staying in that Starbucks for 3 1/2 hours with two beverages! And then I was finally able to see Kort yesterday and her adorable baby girl Alexys who is so pretty and looks very much like her mommy. Another Starbucks drink and lots of "adult" conversation which was very encouraging and fun. I also got to see Julie on Thursday night last week which was wonderful, another Starbucks date! (I always end up there). She filled me in on all of her Mexico adventures, and we were there for at least two hours, only one drink that time though.

Its been so great to finally catch up with important friends, and now a date with Amy will happen next week, and hopefully one with Traci as well, I feel like time just keeps slipping away.

Lately Ive realised that I just need to keep positive and keep my focus above. I find myself slipping into this helpless, hopeless, horrible depressive state which is ridiculous because there is NOTHING for me to be sad about. But I get into this state of mind where all I want to do is swear at everyone and everything, run and hide and cry forever! Im at least finding God again in all of it... and recently an entirely different state of mind. Ive also completely transformed my diet, and Im going to start moving more to relieve my stress. So... maybe thats what's helping?!

Ive been having these horrible headaches, they are behind my eyes and have more recently moved to the back of my head. I will get them in the middle of my sleep, while Im at work, while Im typing on my blog. They will come for hours and hours, leave for a little while and then creep back. Ive tried warm cloths, sinus pills, that water blue medicine pot, changing from contacts to my glasses and then back to contacts. Everything I can think of to explain it, and nothing seems to be the cause. So Im going to the walk in clinic tomorrow. I hope my mom can come with me for support, and well, to hang out cause I haven't seen her in a while.
Im a little nervous cause one of the girls from work has been in the hospital for three days because of her headaches :S
Fingers crossed that worse case I need to get my prescription changed in my glasses or I have an infection of some sort. I hope its nothing worse.

well... off to bed! Im exhausted and hope my head stops aching.

O yah... I seriously have the BEST husband ever! I was soooooo mean a couple days ago, dealing with my depressive state, and then when I finally snapped out of it I apologized like crazy! and what does my husband do? but buy me the most gorgeous pink roses (my fave!) because he thought that I needed a "pick me up!" and wrote in this super sweet card the most wonderful love letter. Seriously! where did I find this guy? And I am soooo glad that hes mine forever!

take care everyone, and be healthy!

well apparently The Woman's Hospital of Reproductive Health, isn't done with me yet. I just got off the phone with the reception office to book myself another appointment with Dr. Williams. Ive been putting it off too... Im not going into detail why the appointment was made, Im not even sure myself exactly. But I knew it had to be done, Mom was telling me to, and well so was the hubby. So its done, May 6th I'll be heading to downtown Vancouver to sit and wait in the uncomfortable chairs with my mommy, reading magazines I don't care about with Women around me who have the same problems I do. O well... the journey isn't over apparently.

The surgery? It went PERFECTLY! I couldn't have asked for it to go better, and that abdominal, gut, horrible, "can't move an inch" pain is gone! PRAISE THE LORD!

So... I need a hobby, I need to find what Im good at, what Im creative at, what makes me excited to wake up in the morning (other than cam) and do it! I just can't keep watching tv and hoping that my future will approach quicker than it is.
I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself, I need to get over it and live life to the full. And other than psychology (which I find the most fascinating and is what I want to master in work), I think that health is another subject of upmost curiosity. Especially Womens health. I really want to study... maybe I should take out books from the Library, or start up my own book collection. I really still want to paint, what? No clue at all! and scraptbook! Maybe finally I can make that creative wedding album that Ive been dying to get my hands on. hmmm.... all very interesting projects. I need to make a list.. yes, a list is good. All the sudden Ive turned into a list maker, where did this come from? Its like I started to plan my wedding (forever ago!) and finally realised that I take such joy in organization, my goodness!

O... the HighSchool Musical Marathon is happening sometime next week. IM SO EXCITED! :)

Now today is "relax all day" Day (other than cleaning the kitchen and attempting my hand at yoga) because my sinuses are CRAZY! and acting up, with extreme pressure which makes wearing contacts impossible, and causes my eyes to squint, even the meds aren't helping so Im thinking that sickness is on the horizon, therefore, relaxation and Gilmore Girls season 5 watching will help. Its my kicking it in the butt attempt. Unless its the coffee, which means I need to stop drinking it which will make me very sad. Unless....hmmm, decaf, I will buy decaf!

This weeks agenda?: KORT! when are you free?, hanging out with Mommy, sleeping over at the parents place cause its closest to work for my weekend shift. And cleaning the house. I love making sure its clean. O... along with the "get in the groove of food and symptom journaling" agian. I always feel like Im complaining for no reason, when my 5 years of agony and resulting Endo kind of proved to me that the complaining is jusitfied.
O, and finding new recipies, my dinner making plans aren't working for me to I need to come up with a different approach.

Love and Hugs.

WOW! is it really March already? I can't believe it! It feels like just yesterday I was getting ready for the biggest change of my life and now Ive already been living it for the past two months and what a fairy tale it is! Although Cam has been hardcore into the books the past few days, its been so nice to do somethings around the house for a change. To be domestic. I baked some really amazing banana bread today, FINALLY I got to exchange my white Kitchenaid stand mixer for a red one!! and it only took two months! :P Im not bitter... not at all (I lie!). But I am very VERY thankful for my incredible husband who called The Bay, went down there on one of my late Saturday shifts... put my name on a list, waited for them to call and traded in my white for red. So far Ive made chocolate chip cookies! Pizza dough & the wonderful banana bread! I LOVE baking and cooking, my favorite passtime and I am so glad that I have a husband that LOVES to eat baked goods.
I also... got laundry done, did some hardcore cleaning in the kitchen, made the bed and went shopping for some much needed skincare products. I even called up my brother Jason to come over and keep me company cause Cam was too focused on his homework and I was VERY bored after I finished my errands for the day (before 1pm even!).
Now... I await my 6am shift for when I do the books at work, then I am off to FINALLY see Alissa for coffee. SO excited, I havent seen her since she was my fantastic bridesmaid. I can't wait to chat her ear off, and hear her wonderful adventures that have taken place since we last saw eachother.
My life is crazy right now:
I also have plans to sucker my dad in letting my mom and I take over their basement for our much anticipiated HIGHSCHOOL MUSCIAL MARATHON! Friday night, with movie snacks and the whole nine yards, I will even bring pj's and might drop by a theatre for popcorn! I have to see my friend Amy,my other friend Julie (she got back from Mexico so Im dying for details), I have to call Becky cause I MUST get details on her life and have her talk my ear off about her new baby boy, I need to see Nantina and get my wedding lipstick back. As well as, grocery shop, make and freeze dinners for these next couple of weeks so I don't need to think about it, mail my thankyou cards from my wedding that are sitting in the glovecompartment of my car and learn yoga cause I think its going to help my evolving health crisis.

Lots to do and one Gilmore Girls episode to watch now before bed!
Love you all...

O and please, pray that my father gets a job soon. PLEASE. and that Cam and I get through graduation, find an apartment in Langley close to our work, and that Sue even has enough work to give Cameron once he is available again, also... just prayer for health.
And a praise! our marriage is going even more fantastic than I ever imagined or dreamed so thank you jesus for that :)

valentines day was wonderful... I was so excited for our very first valentines day as a married couple. a year ago on valentines day we were not even engaged and now this one we're married!!! its all so exciting. I was SPOILED! Cam bought me the most perfect perfume, its very soft and since Cam gets those really bad headaches when he smells such a strong smell, its so great that he picked it out himself. We went out on a giftcard we got for Christmas, bought and completed some of our Thank-you cards for the wedding, and had a nice coffee date. It was such a great day! I even got flowers.

Saturday Cam found out that his hard mid-term was actually today when he thought it would be on Wednesday. So Sunday I went solo to my parents house for dinner to celebrate my dads birthday. It was such a fantastic dinner, ribs, cesar salad, mashed potatoes and corn! Yummies!

Now, Im just finishing off the Thank-you cards and typing... Cam is watching the newest Simpson's episode, and its very funny! This week its work work work... trying to get together with friends! (alissa, if you're reading what day are you free this week? Hopefully this week will be the week!) and another kroeker dinner, this time its the Kroeker/Dublancia Christmas!!! lots of good food and family discussion, should be good.

Love and blessings,

O... one year today Cam asked me to marry him and I said YES YES YES! that was one incredible day.

lately, ive been thinking of my future and just my life in general. i absolutely LOVE my husband and our life is getting more and more exciting by the day. i have found the incredible passion of cooking good, wholesome, healthy meals! (and some indulgences of types as well). i have this internal drive to learn how to do yoga (NO idea where that came from), i still want to learn to run but im afraid abbotsford will kill me if i try, i can't get enough of looking at babies. actually, i met this incredibly sweet woman in line at CarltonCards today. she had a son "Colton" and i immediately thought "hmmm... colton lyle stehr sounds nice, cole for short" AH! hahahaha.... she was so sweet and told me to wait to have kids and to enjoy my marriage. which i am doing for sure!
so... unfortunately im not sure if endo has completely let go of its grip on me, i may have to go back to Dr. Williams for a heart-to-heart and advice, actually i plan on calling the office tomorrow. maybe there are other options to keep my "little baby stehr" at bay for now.
i really really badly want to go back to school, although i am incredibly blessed by my job, especially at this point in time with the economy. and i am eternally grateful for it... i am desperately wanting to go to school. a nice change, a different pace, something new for me to do... i finally decided that i will be finishing at CBC and then transfering my credits after i graduate with my BA and do counselling psychology at Trinity Western, all God willing of course cause financially that will be a big burden. i am seriously feeling the call and tug to do counseling for YFC maybe. i truly have no clue, i just ask for many prayers and support!

cam and i are doing incredibly amazing, i am SO blessed its overwhelming. he has cleaned for me, done laundry, makes the bed, vacums, he even pan fried ground beef for me cause i was too tired. WOW huh?! seriously i hope that this never ends :)
i am very excited for our first married valentines day. people keep telling me that its going to turn into "just another day" but come-on! its a cute little opportunity to buy corny gifts, give a mushy card, dress up all pretty, go out for dinner, and be spoiled! I love being spoiled! haaha... and i love expressing to Cam, just how grateful i am for him.

we got our wedding album today! all put together from us by James! and the dvd's and slideshow. VERY excited to display and show them off! eeekkk... i even posted another picture to share. more will come...once i get them onto my computer.

okay... lots of love!

I got the wedding photos! well, I only got about four hundred of the thousand that is being sent to us by mail! our day, our big day was such an incredible day, and these photos are amazing! so much better than I ever imagined. I am so thankful for all of the blessings and people who made this day happen, and made us feel more blessed than we could ever imagine!
THANK YOU! to all who have been involved in our lives, who have loved us, supported us, shared with us... thought of us. You are so appreciated, and thank you to those who came to our day, and we missed those of you who couldn't make it.

Love always! Nicole & Cam

Photographer: James Moes (HolyHolyMatrimony-http://blog.jamesmoes.com/)

I just had to add this picture! There is Nantina and I at my stagette party before I tied the knot! I have been thinking about her lately, she was my maid of honor and she is my best friend and she just visited me on Thursday at work, it was a surprise and I LOVE it when she surprises me like that. I can't wait to actually have a night out with her... sometime soon, eventually! hahah... our schedules never match, and we both can't stand the phone! I LOVE YOU NANTINA! you're the bestest ever.

okay I got the BEST NEWS EVER! yesterday...
IM GOING BE AN AUNTIE AGAIN! well... correction: There is either another niece or a new nephew on the way! Mikki is pregnant (Cams older sister) and yesterday she called and I was screaming (well not literally) I am SO EXCITED for her, and Scott and Jackie. so CONGRATS to you guys! and yay for a new baby in the family! And Mikki you HAVE to keep me updated with everything, miss you :'(

in other news:
I got my hair cut. FINALLY! short hair again. Its cute though, and I love the change, I really needed it. My long hair was getting so gross and annoying, always in knots and always dry. ewwww!

Work is work lately, Im getting tired, and its getting harder for me to be there... but Im very thankful for the job during this recession, I am very thankful that God has blessed us with finances coming in. Please continue to pray for my parents, my father was laid off... as well the entire Vancouver Nokia department that he was involved in, he is passionately looking for work with nothing promising. Its a very scary time for our family but PRAISE GOD that my parents Surrey home was sold! :D and the best family bought it, we love that we were able to give over the keys to them.

I think I really need a night out tonight, some girl time and a hug.

Blessings!

O... and I still don't have the wedding photos yet, they are coming! And once James emails me the website I will post some!

so one of the goals I have as a housewife is to be the best cook I can be! My grandmother, Linda Wittrien was the BEST at everything she did in the kitchen. Its unforunate that I was too young to appreciate her recipies before she died, but her cooking was literally the best around and she always had the itch to host. My mother, while we were all youngsters, would host bible studies and dinners all the time. Her simplistic recipies always had people coming back for more. So for myself? I want to be the place that everyone is eager to come for dinner, or dessert. I want to learn to cook from scratch, and to cook well.

I don't exactly want to create my own dishes and test them out. But I do want to learn how to make the best roasted chicken dinner, the best roast, the best mac n' cheese, the best chocolate cookies, the best sangrias. I want to learn to cook for those I love and host christmases, holidays and just "saturday night dinners" because I can!

Tonight, for the first time I had some friends over for dinner... what was on the menu? ceaser salad, garlic bread and a home-made three cheese pasta bake or aka. mac n' cheese fancy style! Everyone kept going for seconds and kept complimenting me on my cooking, so it must have been good! :)

One of my most favorite things is cooking for those I love. So when Im home, I always ask Cam if he wants something to eat, because making him food is one of my favorite things to do. And most of the time Im not even interested in eating what Im making. Im more interested that other people will like it!

Next thing Im making... Beef stew with biscuits, butter chicken and waffles... all made from scratch!
I already perfected sangrias, pizza dough and mac n' cheese!

O... and I want to make the best cheesecake too!
if you have any recipe suggestions for me, please comment and let me know!

too bad I missed a picture of my meal... it was gone before I remembered to bring down the camera!

okay... so people have been bugging me to see some wedding photos. Unfortunately I have not recieved them yet, but Im not bugging James for them either. He's the pro, he'll get them to me when he does, and well... he has lots and lots of weddings to do lately anyways. He is an up-and-comer photographer that I would recommend to anyone in a heartbeat for any occasion. He was like another friend at the wedding instead of a photographer and he was with us for TWELEVE hours! literally from start to finish, he got to Cams house for 9am for "getting ready" photos and then left once every guest was gone and the chairs were being stacked. Talk about a guy who loves to get involved. He even suffered through soaked through shoes to give me his gum boots so that I wouldn't cry any longer, the wind chill on my feet and sore toe was brutal and so I had Trevor hold me up, Nantina kept my dress out of the snow... and James was taking photos of it all! It was great and sooo comical. There were tonz of photos with my broken toe nail.
It was halarious though, James comes to do photos at the house and I yell at him "James! I tore off my toe nail!" and he says back to me "don't worry! I'll photoshop it back on!"

so here is a sneak peek from photos that have been posted on facebook, which I love! :)


okay so I guess I'll tell the story!
I was up at 7am on my wedding morning, and my mom and I the previous day did a quick costco shop for some yummy breakfast food because Steph & her friend were coming over to do our hair and makeup (so nice to have them come to the house!) everyone else as well was coming for 7:30am too. So to help my mom out, I decided to clear off the island in the middle of the kitchen. Since we're still getting used to the new house, I opened up the door to the mud room a little harder than needed, and without realising were my foot was I "stubbed" my big toe, only to realise that it hurt A LOT more than just a little harsh tap. I actually tore off my big toe nail, gross huh? I fell to the floor and noticed that the nail wanted to come off and it was bleeding like mad. I called my parents and my dad, shaking his head could only exclaim. "NICOLE ELISABETH!" He calls this my last "kroeker klux move". haahaha... Im sure that there will be more "Stehr cluxy moves". However, I feel that this was, although a sucky thing that happened a really obvious reminder to me to give up control and allow the day to happen the way it was meant to and let myself be pampered and taken care of without trying to step in and take over. I didn't feel it all day long, Im serious! The whole wedding it didn't phase me. Until Cam and I left the reception and my foot thawed out in the car under the heater. I started crying and it throbbed, so we went to Walmart for supplies for the honeymoom. Now, its fine! :)


Some before ceremony fun! Cam and I had met before the wedding ceremony started, in our own private meet with just James, his co-worker (our photographers) and Trevor (cams best man) It was such a brilliant idea. Because we did most of our photography before the ceremony... and then could enjoy our entire reception and "in between" time, before ceremony time, practically the entire day together! The first thing that Cam said as he walked up towards me by the barn? OOOO mercy! :D He was thrilled.



Family photos! I almost cried while standing there at the ceremony... my mother mouthed to me "I love you" thats what made me almost loose it. My brothers were groomsmen and cams sisters were bridesmaids (and his brother a groomsman as well) it was the best decision to have our families involved.


Dad was super emotional... but very very sweet! Our dance will forever be such a fond memory of my big day, I can't wait for those photos.


Yay! we're married!!!!! I was looking at Nantina right here... she was instructing me where to go and what to do.. hahaah, apparently I wasn't paying attention at rehersal.

Okay... now I can finally update you on the honeymoon. As you know, we went to the Caribbean... the Dominican Republic to be more specific. And it was so gorgeous, bright, hot and pretty. We did not want to leave, although the food sucked (seriously sucked!) the rest of the resort was magnificent! My husband did such a fantastic job, looking for, finding and booking this insane place for our honeymoon. Our room? the closest you can get to the beach without being apart of the time shares offered. And Cameron up graded our account to "privilege" which was fantastic.

What was halarious though is that because of my ripping my big toe nail off my foot on my wedding day morning (entirely different story all together) we couldn't do any of the "water tours" cause of my open wound and the salt water. So... we took most of that saved money for the tour and put it into tipping the employees of the resort like crazy! (the people there make less than $30 a month) so the "housekeeper" kept coming in at like 9am every morning. And because of the time change (they are 4 hours ahead) our sleeping patterns were OFF! and well... ummm... well, you get it.

But seriously, white sandy beaches, staying in my swimsuit all day, tanning!, swimming (while I swam in the pool with tonz of tape on my toe to keep the nail on) Cam swam in the ocean with seriously blueish green waters. And we had employees come up to us in broken english (they speak Spanish) and asked us what we wanted to drink, so margaritas & pinacoladas for me, beer for Cam! soooo much fun!

Our plane was delayed though coming home we were supposed to leave DR time 11:25pm, but didn't actually leave until 2:30pm DR time. 8 & 1/2 hour flight and landed here in Vancouver at 7am BC time. To what? SNOW! lots and lots and lots of snow. My parents picked us up to take us to the Ens place for our car (they were so nice to let us leave it there and skip paying to leave it at the airport). We were then told that the Kroeker Christmas was canceled and other family members on the Stehr side were either delayed big time going back home or had to stay in BC for Christmas! WOW! while we relaxed on the beach, Vancouver was having the worst winter on record.

We couldn't have picked a better date for our big day. The whole day was clear & sunny with lots of hard snow on the ground, so the photos will be incredible. wind chill of -13 though! eeeekkk.... that was "interesting" to say the least, I did end up wearing gum boots (my photographers even!) SO MUCH FUN! I kept saying all day that Jesus loves me lots and lots because every single day for months I was praying for a clear sunny day and snow on the ground. Then that night about an hour after guests started to leave, it started to blizzard & snow! sooo pretty and perfect :)

I will blog about the big day soon... garanteed. But now I need to figure out what to make for dinner, cookies and M&M's just don't do it for me. .

Loves, hugz and blessings!


Our pretty resort, yes, this picture was taken from our room balcony! amazing right?


So this is the pool... ah yes, relaxing was wonderful!


Do we look like we just got married?! :D

hello all! so... we finally have internet! and we're finally back in Canada! the wedding? AMAZING! seriously, the best and everything I ever wanted. I will be posting pictures once I get them. I will posting an update soon too! but married life is seriously THE BEST!!!! I LOVE my husband so much, and doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, its so much fun.... because its MY house, that makes all the difference in the world.
we got lots of kitchen toys too as presents, man did we get SPOILED rotten!

better go... grocery list is growing and we only have cookies in the house to eat. Yay! grocery shopping, my favorite. O, and Ive already been to Costco which is so much more fun when you have a spouse next to ya.

Blessings! and more to come, I promise.

so... its been a while! so sorry for the delay in postings... its been a crazy life these days, but SO MUCH FUN! as well. Cam has delighted me by reminding me what is most important right now, and thats my health, and not the perfection of "little details" but just the relaxation of enjoying this time and the chaotic wonderful that comes with it!
so what have I been up to lately!?
Last week, on the 4th there was the CBC Christmas Banquet. I thankfully got the Thursday and Friday off, which was so wonderful! so I showed up on campus on Wednesday night after my shift and crashed at the ladies place of 621 Medowoods. (thanks girls!). And then the next morning was up and refreshed to get the keys to OUR PLACE! yipppeeee... Cam and I went in with the manager, did our inspection, paid our first months rent and then he left. We were sitting on the ground to our what will soon be "living room" and just realised what had happened. Hahahahaha... it was such a wonderfully surreal moment. I loved it! forever will I remember that. We picked spaces for his desk, our tv, our soon to be bought couch, and our kitchen table. Its going to be so MUCH FUN! Then it was Christmas banquet, I was over and Julies place getting ready... and there we were, all pretty and eating a wonderful turkey dinner. It was such a great time. Then bowling afterwards, where I BEAT CAM! yipppeeee.... and I did it just at the last second too... the last round, he was a little sad, but I told him that he has the rest of his life to try and take me down! hahaha... Then I went back home on Friday with Cam... to Langley where my parents moved into their new house! SO PRETTY! I love this new house, we then went out and met our officiant and his wife (Eric and Mary Ens) in Delta for dinner and then came back to Langley. Saturday was work for me which was actual such a great shift, then Sunday MY SHOWER! SOOOOO much fun, there was like over 20 people and I got sooo spoiled! Like seriously spoiled, I was soooo surprised. I felt loved beyond all else, and had such a hoot. THANK YOU EVERYONE! Now... eleven days left until my big day. I just keep waking up with a grin on my face :D I am sooo excited, and so blessed and soooo psyched for life forever with my Cameron.

Thank you to all who have been praying for us, and who have been praying for me and my stress levels, I am at the point (with lots of help from Cam) to accept things the way they will turn out. The most important thing is that Cam and I are getting married, that on the 20th we say "i do" and exchange rings, kiss and are forever one. Thats the most important and most incredible thing, so if the programs don't get done, or the table stands, or my schedule does not go "as planned" its okay... because I will still be Mrs. Stehr by 2pm on the 20th of December and thats what I have been waiting for! :D

Blessings!!!

I feel sooo overwhelmed by wedding details, O MY GOODNESS there are sooo many things to consider, I feel like something that we think is concrete just all the sudden works out horribly and needs to be re-planned. eeeekkkk!!!!...

Then there is the dreaded list of to-dos which doesn't seem to get smaller, my child psychology stuff and work still.
And not everyone has RSVP'd so although I was supposed to have everyone tell me no or yes by November 1st, its the 17th and I am still waiting on replies!
GRRRRRrrrrr.....

Im going to sleep now!

CAM AND I GOT A PLACE!

yippeeee... its a loft in the apartment complex that we were both dying to get into. we have laundry in our loft, and its like a house cause it has its own entrance and all... its in one of the townhome buildings and Im sooo excited to decorate it!

One bedroom, one bath and the cutest little kitchen. Its perfect for our first place!

what an answer to prayer :)

literally, i feel like superwoman right now. its not that i have tights on with an estranged need to fly... but that i feel like i have conquered such a horror in my life and that i have come up ontop, skinny style! hahaha...

ive lost a total of twenty pounds in the past two months. i don't mean to brag, and its not about bragging at all, its not about "o look im getting skinny" its about the incredible accomplishment of kicking enemy endo butt and how SureSlim (the program im on) has been such an incredible tool in the process of it all. so seriously, if anyone of you is looking for a way to get healthy, this program is amazing!

but its not even about the program, my friend Jared is over at my house with my brothers playing video games all last night and today! its such a hoot when Jared comes over and soon he s moving to Aussie so it was imperrative that he come soon, so we made sure that we went out and did something last night, and well us Kroekers love to eat so... we went to Olive Garden, we drank and we were merry! (brandon drove home). but after the meal, after the dessert, after the fun... and back at home with guys around me playing video games until five in the morning, i didn't feel anything. NOT A THING! in my precious little tummy of mine. its like Dr Williams took a magic wand and made all the horror of the past five years vanish. its as though the memories of sitting in the pantry and crying because there was nothing for me to eat without pain never actually occured. the pantry is not a vortex of death, it doesn't matter anymore.

three months ago, if i was going to have that awesome night of carboydrate fun with the guys, i would bloat so bad my pants wouldn't fit and i would immediately need either a sweater or sweat pants, i would complain of horrendous cramping pain and i would have it all for at least two days, followed with what my docs called "terminal constipation" i would have to spend the night tossing and turing from the cramps, drink masses amounts of herbal teas and use hot water bottles to ease the discomfort. all that agony over one bowl of pasta and some bread sticks! sometimes, i would even get the pain from a bowl of salad!!! i would also gain at least five pounds from the experience. no wonder i gave up on food choices and let go, huh?

its incredible how such a small procedure has now fixed all of that, and how such a small mishap in my reproductive organs could have caused such agony for so long. I am SO BLESSED! beyond what i ever could have imaged to be cured the way that i have and to have such incredible friends and family around me in the process. im still on the SureSlim program, its helping with making me feel completely transformed and completely different from that girl that went into the surgery centre almost a month ago. Seriously people, i came out different... endo free, and i am super excited!
and all in time for my wedding, woot woot! :)

Blessings.

hey everyone!

lots has been happening, work is great! I am really enjoying the file work, even when its unbelievably stressful, but it makes work and life always interesting. Keeps me on my toes!

wedding stuff! O my goodness, six weeks on Saturday and its HERE! eeeekkk... so very excited. Everything is coming together, I have things running through my head constantly, new things to do and reminders to book last minute details. I am thrilled with the outcome, its going to be better than I am expecting I think :)

Prayer request please!
Cam is looking for an apartment in Abbotsford, and we thought we got one, we were already to make the payment and sign the papers when it came back that the guy promised it to us a little too soon.. and needs to go through head office to confirm that its alright to offer to us. So.. what seemed like such a blessing and such a for sure thing is becoming more stress than needed. Please pray that if its Gods will that we can have this apartment, it has laundry, its in our price range, two bedrooms and its huge! I would looove to spend my first months as a married couple in that apartment.

As well, please keep praying for our house to sell. The market out there is not nice right now and my parents are feeling the effects. Its really scary and we just desperately want a sold sticker out on that sign.

thanks for the prayers and support,

Blessings!

ps. I am feeling fantastic lately! :)
mom even mentioned today that I haven't been complaining about pain at all anymore, which is because I don't have it anymore. PRAISE THE LORD that this healing has taken place, it was a long road, but it was definitely worth it!!
As well, I am back on my program and shed another five pounds this week. yipppeee...

woot woot... I can eat food with no pain!
life is FANTASTIC! Praise the Lord!

I feel as though the surgery has been this one overwhelming step in the right direction, although it feels like it NEVER happened, more like a dream, a very surreal experience. I am very cautious of how I am now, I am not expecting anything from this surgery except to feel exactly the same because if I expect anything other than that, and nothing changes, then at least I am not disappointed.

I need to take a step back and evaluate what happened, how I really feel and as soon as the after pains of surgery fade away, then I get to discover this "new me" that I hope gets to emerge. I hope that I start to love my body again, I hope I start to respect myself and the goals I wish to set out for me. I feel that I can close my eyes and see the place that I wish to be... the healthy place but it seems almost impossible to get there. BA!

But for now, I need to stay away from the mountains of Halloween candy thats filling my moms pantry... eeekk... I could really go for a m&m peanut right now :P

I just wanted to say a HUGE thanks to everyone who have been so supportive, loving, and incredibly encouraging and just wonderful this past week. I have received four flower arrangements! which was completely unexpected... visits from countless people, emails, comments on my blog and phone calls that unfortunately, most of the time I was either sleeping through or unable to get off the couch to answer. I appreciate EVERYTHING... its overwhelming me!
I am healing nicely... although I am still very bloated (I was just able to do up a pair of my pants today) and I am still in pain, I am confident that in a couple of weeks I'll be back to fully normal. However, I am unable to pick up anything heavy for a month! And I am not allowed to exert myself... I will do my best, and get lots of rest after my shifts at work this week ( I go back tomorrow) I know that in good time I will be 100% back to normal.

I am meeting with Dr. Williams in a month to discuss the results of the surgery, how I am feeling and some other things. I am eager to go over my photos and see for myself what they mean and what happened from her perspective.

Although I did nothing today, I am exhausted! :P I better go to bed... its still a challenge to sleep and I am to be up nice and early for work in the morning, its going to be wonderful to finally get out of this house and walking around again!

Blessings! and LOTS of thanks! :)

So... yesterday was surgery day! I got up at 9am just starving cause your bowels need to be empty, along with your stomach for the procedure. We left at 10am, Cam came and brought me some flowers and an autographed photo of Starfield from his trip to the youth convention on the weekend. It was really sweet of him :)

We all piled into the CRV (my parents and Cam and I) and then headed out to the Ambulatory Surgical Centre in downtown Vancouver, across the street from the St. Pauls Hosptial. I was nervous and in sweatpants and a sweat shirt. We got there early and hung out in the waiting room for just about an hour before they called my name. I then left my support team and went into a very nice room with a tv, my hospital gown & robe and waited another two hours or so. I had the sweetest nurse come into my room about a hour before they lead me into the operating room as they called it. She was soooo sweet and kind, asking me some questions while taking my heart rate. Then about a half hour from when she was in my room the anistetic guy came in and gave me the run down of what was going to take place when I got in the operating room. He was joky and fun! Talked fast though and realised that I was a little nervous. So.. a few minutes after he left I was lead down the hall by my first nurse to the operating room. I was helped up onto the table, and was given my IV which hurt the most out of everything that happened. It was fun though cause the guy that gave it to me kept me laughing and comfortable, after he put it in, to distract me from the sharp pain he said "look up here, do you see lots of medical shows? isn't this about the time when they play the dramatic music?"referring to the part of the IV that drips. And then he said things like "see, that didn't hurt so bad right? well... it didn't hurt me!" and then I said "well we don't want that!" hahaahah...
But then after a couple meds he put in my IV which stung! my nurse said "now you're going to be getting some oxygen through a mask... have you had that before?" And the moment I said no, I was out! I didn't even get to count back or forward like everyone says they get to while they're being put under, the next thing I remember is being in a different room, in the warmest blanket ever! Drifting in and out of sleep.
BUT... Dr. Williams did come to my side and grabed my hand and said that indeed IT WAS ENDO!!! And that there was lots! Majority of it on my right side and some on my left. I even have four incesions, two on my right, one on my left and one in my belly button. But I am soooo thrilled that this is exactly what this was. And that its all gone! the moment she told me it was Endo, that there was lots and that she took it all out, I cried...I just bawled cause the relief knowing that was just so overwhelming.
Now... it feels like someone has hit me in my stomach! hahahaa.. Im sore, and the gas they pumped in me for surgery hurts still, my shoulders and chest. Im afraid to sleep on my side, but I slept practically all of yesterday, I couldn't keep awake. It was actually kinda funny yesterday cause they had two nurses try and get me out of my bed cause I couldn't stand properly, and my mom had to help me change, I feel back asleep when the nurse was explaining to mom what my photos were about... heehee. poor her cause my photos are pics of my endo and where it was that she removed it from. They aren't pretty.
Great news!? The greatest there is?
The Endo was NOT on my fallopian tubes, nor was it on my ovaries or my cul-d-sac which means from my understanding that there really shouldn't be any reason for me to have trouble getting pregnant once Cam and I want babies, so my eyes just brightened up, and honestly so did Cams when I was told that. Now, the treatment is birth control, but I can for sure deal with that, and I see Dr. Williams in four weeks for a follow up where I have many questions for her.

And its been sooo sweet, Alissa visited me with flowers yesterday which was suuuuuper nice of her, and Kortney wants to come over today as well to say hi. My aunt and uncle are planning to come this weekend as well to visit.
I can't say enough thankyous to all who have prayed for me, phoned me, emailed me, facebooked me... Its been incredibly overwhelming to know how many people have cared about me so much these past couple of days in regards to my surgery.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! From the bottom of my heart!
Everything went well, so much better than I could have imagined... praise God! :)

okay... so is it bad that i want babies?

hahahaah... before you answer, let me explain, i was out today with my good friend kortney who is very pregnant (sorry kort, but its cute!) and then there my good friend becky who is also super pregnant (i know becky doesn't read this so i don't need to apologize but shes cute too!). so at starbucks today there was this ADORABLE little toddler Trinity running around the place and then another very new baby boy in another womans arms just beside Kort and i and then i started thinking. Wow!... that'll be kort in December, and then... in a couple years, that will be me. and in the midst of the cute kid running around and all the pregnancy happening in that little starbucks today i said outloud... I WANT KIDS! and i do... not tomorrow (well, not December) already but definitely in at least two years, or three!

another great thing about getting together with Kort today... the stress level about the surgery went down, waaaaay down. and although Alissa who is a nurse and has been coaching me to not stress about this surgery has helped, and Amy who has forced me to promise chanting the phrase "i will be fine! i will be fine" each day every day... has helped. knowing that Kort has gone through it and that it truly is "not a big deal" has helped enourmously. So I am planning to speed through my file day tomorrow and Sunday. Eat the most fantastic Thanksgiving meal of my life on Sunday night, and then work another quick day Monday. And not fret about my surgery after that.

I promise myself that I will not fret... and I am seriously understanding the concept of handing over all control to God, and if you knew me, like really knew me, you would know how hard that can be for me.
**deep breath**

blessings!

so... it has become evident that I am stressing out WAAAAAY too much. Especially when I go out for coffee with one of my good friends, Amy. And then she tells me to cool down and give it all to God, etc... then I come home and once checking my email have a biiiig one in my inbox from my fiance telling me the exact same thing!

I think God is using some of my most trusted friends/family to give me a message. And the message is?

TURN IT OVER ALREADY! and start breathing properly.

Actually, my stress has become so much that Im getting such bad migraine headaches and a year ago I wasn't getting any at all. As well, Im having a hard time breathing properly because I have so much anxiety. Its not good, its kinda scary when your deep breaths don't feel like deep breaths at all, and when there is intense pressure in your chest cavity.

I think that being stress free is of high importance right now... so I may have to start locking myself up in my house and on my bed for rest, and start dedicating time to serious prayer and take LOTS of bubble baths... if anyone has bubble bath to donate I am for sure able to take it off your hands!

Blessings to all...

at least I got a lot of wedding planning done! whew!

So I really should be in bed right now... Im exhausted and super hungry and need to be up early tomorrow because part of my new food plan is a weigh in every Tuesday morning. NOT looking forward to it. I don't think, well I KNOW that I didn't do well this week :'(
I think my stress is just up (when isn't it?) and cravings are really hard to overcome sometimes! But I know that this is just all apart of the process and there will be a time when I will take steps back but I can't obsess over everything.

EDIT: the weigh in today was SO GOOD! Ive lost 15lbs in total in the past 4 weeks! and Ive lost 6 inches, and 2% of my body fat! woot woot! Im definitely on track :D

I accomplished SO MUCH of my wedding planning today! It was fabulous! I went and saw my florist Esther, we decided on the entire floral department of the wedding. Its going to look incredible! Soooo much floral in the wedding, Im very excited! And... then mom and I took a trip out to Abby, picked up Cam quickly and headed off to meet with our decor lady. We talked all decor for the reception site and its going to look INCREDIBLE! Im telling you... super elegant. Im giddy just thinking about it.

But can you believe it? We're in October already! In 8 days Im having my surgery and then once Im recovered and back to work its TWO MONTHS! before the wedding... that means it'll be November and then BANG! its December and I'll be a Mrs. It just hit me last night as I laid in bed. But now that two of the most important aspects of the wedding are planned and taken care of. I am breathing all that much more better... and I even finished an aspect of our guest book, and started working on prepping the table numbers.

Im thrilled with what we have planned out... I can't imagine my wedding any other way than the way its coming about. This truly is my dream wedding! YAY!

Okay.. bed finally.. and one last important note:

IF YOU HAVEN'T RSVP'd TO MY WEDDING AND YOU GOT AN INVITATION
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
RSVP SOON!

thank-you! :)