YIPPPEEEEEEEEE.... so I went to the doctors today and it was such a wonderful appointment. I went and got more blood work done and there are some other things that they are going to check, but all in all... health is on its way! I am SO EXCITED and I FINALLY know exactly what to do!

PRAISE GOD!

Blessings and a Happy New Year to all!

you know... I feel so much like the answer is there right in front of me. That I have the strength to do what I need to do in regards to eating well, and spending the time I need to spend in the word of God. Yet... at the same time there is still that part of me that holds me back. That whispers that its not going to happen. I still find it truly difficult to deal with all that goes on in me, my body feels so foreign to me. I guess thats kind of hard to understand, but its almost as if I try to do something good, that I have one answer and then all the sudden another pops up and something once again seems to be wrong.

Ive been getting bad, dizzy headaches and I kept wondering what was going on. Friends said its my eyes and to check it out. So I went to a doctor, after a month of these headaches... I couldn't deal with it anymore, it was like I needed to sleep all the time. So, more tests. As well, my doctor said that I can't get all the nutrition that my body needs if I choose to go forward in a vegetarian diet. He said that its almost impossible to get all the protein and substances that my body is obviously craving. So, he suggested that I reconsider and go back on eating lean chicken and fish. Well, fish is out of the question. The last time I ate salmon I was sick for four days. However, chicken and turkey may not be a bad idea. Go on it for a while, get my strength back in other areas, take the detox stuff and get back to normal. Then work on getting rid of the chicken/turkey allergy. I mean, Ive dealt with the stomach stuff before... I can surely do it again. I can't handle this "drunk" feeling any longer, its driving me crazy... I feel like I can't function.

Its nuts huh? One doctor tells you to do one thing, and another the opposite. One test reveals your allergic to meat, yet another could reveal that I need meat in order to function. That I could possibly have low blood sugar and low iron. BA! hahaha... so Im in limbo... again...

Please Father God, please guide me to the answer and the plan that I can follow, that is right for me to regain my health.

Blessings.

Each and every time I see these girls, my heart melts and I grow more in love with them. They are Cams sisters girls. The adorable red head is Jackie who belongs to Michele and the blonde cutie is Addie who belongs to Jen. Both of these girls are precious and wonderful. I had such an amazing time holding them, cuddling with them, chasing them around, playing with them and watching them make my heart melt a little more. I want children! I sure do... I miss them already and I just left them a couple hours ago.
This Christmas feels different. And Im not sure why. Maybe its because of all the time Ive spent at Cams parents place, hanging out with the family, becoming more apart of the family and just seeing what life will be like down the road.
Or maybe its because the hardwood in our home was just put in so that the last week was spend putting our place back together again. The tree did just go up a couple days ago.
Maybe its also because school ended just last week, and I wasn't home with my family as often. There hasn't been a gingerbread house decorated, no Christmas train at Stanley park, no waiting in line to see Santa, no making a snow fort in the snow... none of that... just a different kind of style this year. But none-the-less days leading up to this Christmas Eve, and tomorrow, Christmas day!
What an amazing time of year.

I am so thankful for what this time of year truly means. That Jesus Christ was born to the virgin Mary to save us all from ourselves. That he sacrificed himself at Easter, but was born on Christmas. PRAISE GOD! for his most precious gift.
AMEN!

Blessings to you all this Christmas!

while I hugged a friend good-bye the other day... actually two separate friends going two separate ways in their lives, compared to mine. I realized that life most certainly moves on. Friends move away, go in different directions, get married, have children, buy property, get new jobs. There is such a strange sense that seasons come and seasons go in the year... but I find also in life. I love how one of my close friends calls the times of her life "seasons" That they are almost like chapters of a book that describe every specific part of where she is, and where she goes. I adore that phrase and try to use it as my own.
In my own life I have experienced many different seasons, some bad, some good, some not-so-good, some not-so-bad. All having their own friends, their own style of myself, their own meaning and specific direction to bring me to the next chapter. And although some things that have happened in those seasons have been hard to admit where honest mistakes were made in an honest naive way most times, I don't trade anything in for something else. Because if I had, then the season I'm living at this moment would not be the way it is.
Even the seasons that are meshed with others, I bring everything... every experience, heartache, pain, joy, praise into the next chapter of my life. Working through everything to somehow, in some way be the person and continue to walk in the direction that God has laid out for me. Wherever that is, whoever I am made to be.
I love the people that have walked with me through every aspect of my life. And those that may say that I never loved or cared for them. Please recognize your mistake. That part of who I was, or the part of me that was begging to be something more, loved you with what I had at that moment in time. And if you are my precious friend today, still living with me, going through the stages of my life with me, and those of your own, please understand as well that we may not be together forever. And thats okay! For the love of friends, never truly fades away.
I've begun to understand this and have found peace, I've mourned over the idea that the people I love with so much of my heart may not be with me tomorrow, or the year next. Not because of death, but because of life. Because direction is fickle, things happen, lives move on... and thats okay.
I am thankful for who I am... I am thankful especially for the God I serve, but I am as well thankful for those who have been such great friends. Even those that have been acquaintances, or those that have hurt me in some way or other, or who I may have hurt as well.
Growth, life, moving on... it hurts... but its necessary. And I am thankful for that too!

Blessings on all!

Yesterday Columbia had their Christmas Banquet, It was a lot of fun. Cam and I sat with Carlene, Nate, Julie, Erin and Donna. Lots of laughs and seeking in the food line! Im coming home to Surrey December 14th! Im very very excited to have three weeks of relaxation, no stress, and just Christmas fun!!! yay!!!

I need to go Christmas shopping :S eeeeeekkkk.... its getting too close!

Blessings,
Nicole.

So for those of you who do not know, I LOVE Christmas! So as I sit here looking at the Christmas lights in my apartment with stockings, a mini tree, advent calenders and ordainments hanging from the ceiling. I am in such excitement that the day is near where we have the opportunity to be blessed with family fellowship, sing carols (we already have some stuck in our heads) and eat a wonderful meal. But most importantly celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!
This time of year, is seriously the best!

Blessings!

One of the things that I have been thinking a lot about lately is just life in general. My life has been filled of things, good things, great things, hard things, sucky times, blessed events! I am thrilled with the life that I have been blessed with. I am excited beyond words for the future I am working towards.
My parents named me Nicole Elisabeth. And although I do not know what Elisabeth means, Nicole I do know, means VICTORY. This is why the name of this blog is Forgiven.Victory. I am forgiven in Christ and I am victorious in Him through all the stuff in my life.
I am going to counseling, and I am not ashamed that I am. I am thrilled that I am! I am working through things in my life that have held me for years beyond what I am able to remember, and I am excited for the Victory that has taken place in my life. My parents rightfully named me Nicole, for I have become Victorious over much in my life. And continue to win over more.

This picture was taken at Katie and Mike Hughes wedding. What a gorgeous wedding it was! I am so thankful that Cam is in my life, I love him more than the word love can even express and I am excited for the wonderful that God has in store for us!

Blessings! :)

I was sitting here contemplating about life, and my long weekend back home in Surrey with my parents when I came to realize how immensely blessed I am in my relationship with my mother. Of course there are those times when we get onto one another's nerves, when we say things we don't mean and hurt one another. But every relationship goes through those times. Yet despite those times, my mother and I have the typical "Gilmore Girls" relationship. We are friends, we are family, she is what a sister would get to be in my life. And I am BLESSED!
I shared some life changing news with my mother this past weekend, and truth be told I made her cry in the soup aisle at Save-on-Foods. But that is what I can count on, tears of joy when the news is good, and tears of sorrow when I can't seem to find joy in anything. My mother will always be such a huge part of who I am. She has helped shape me into the woman I continue to become, the good in me, the bad in me, the bold in me. It comes from her amazing mothering skills, and overwhelming love. I am grateful for my Mommy, and I am excited for what the end of 2007, and whole of 2008 will bring for the both of us!

I love you mom!

Don't cha love my wonderful art work?... I DO!

I was inspired by my grandmother before the summer, to start painting. My grandmother, Helen Fast-Kroeker, is the most extravagant painter I know. seriously, she's amazing, and Im not even being biased because she is my grandmother. I figured that some of her wonderful talent MUST have rubbed off on me. So... this is my very first attempt at painting, no classes, no previous knowledge, just paint, a brush and me. Along with Traci, Julie and some worship music.

Ive been thinking a lot lately, and along with my new found love for painting, I have discovered that there is so much emotion worth capturing.
My heart has been consumed with tears and darkness lately, lots of things in my life has been weighing me down and I can't seem to break free from them.
I even just discussed with my roomies, the feeling of having to rip off a band-aid, where there is a huge wound underneath. But not wanting to remove the band-aid. Anything else...anything else God, just don't remove the band-aid, don't allow me to see how big the wound is underneath (the comfortable place I have rested in). No matter how self destructive this place is.
I can see, I have been told the things that need to be done, I can see my own behaviors, I understand the consequences. Yet there is the step to take to consciously rip myself from the comfortable place and expose myself for who I really am...

Father God, when I close my eyes, I see myself sitting on your lap, you holding my life before me. Here I can recognize that YOU are in control, that YOU have my life within your fatherly care. I ask for your strength, I ask for you rip off the band-aid of comfortable pain and reluctance, I ask for you to show me that your strength is all I need to get through, that I can do all that you are asking me, that I don't need to be fearful.
Please help me to see that the wound isn't as scary as I make it out to be.
Amen.

Blessings!

"So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." 1 Peter 4:19

I really love this verse. Mainly because we just finished doing a project on it in Hermeneutics class, and secondly because I feel like it speaks into my life perfectly. It may not be that God willed it for me to allow myself to do what has been done to my body. BUT I know that he wills for him to be glorified through it. That he wishes for me to not sit in self despair, hurting myself further, but to get up out of the darkness and walk confidently in who I am and more importantly in who he is. My identity does not come from sickness, not from what I eat, but from Christ alone.

Blessings! :)

I am SO BLESSED! to have such a wonderful house this year at CBC, Amber and Traci are amazing! Everything is so much fun!!!! This is most defiantly my home. Lately I've been thinking of all the things I am blessed with. And I am blessed with more than I can imagine. A wonderful family, a wonderful boyfriend, wonderful friends and school environment. Even the boys next door are like my missing brothers from home. I just can not believe that although I get frustrated, although I get sad and down, that the life I live is beyond what words can express. I am thankful, I am happy with my life and with what steps I am taking to walk in the will of God to make each day better than the next.

Thanks for blessing me! You are appreciated!

so you would think that things would be easier now that I know exactly what is making me sick. But unfortunately thats not the case. I think that the whole eating completely differently than what was expected is almost harder. I feel lost. I have no idea what its like to not eat meat, I haven't touched it really since the results. I feel like I am eating carbs way too much, but I only have tortilla wraps (no yeast) as my source of "bread". At this moment I have excruciating pain on my left side which hasn't gone away, and I haven't eaten anything off the "no" list. I wonder if it is psychological, thinking for so long that dairy, wheat, sugar was making me sick and all the sudden finding out that its fine. Either that, or Im not eating enough, so when I eat a normal size meal all the sudden my "insides" get blocked and it causes great pain. I've been on the couch since 7pm and its close to midnight.

I ask for fellow believers to pray for me and for guidance to help me discover what it is I am supposed to do. There is so much preparation, so my time, effort, that needs to go into all of this. I feel so much like I don't have a grasp on anything and the cravings have become overwhelming again.
I mean sugar is alright, coffee is alright, dairy is alright, as long as I am giving myself time in between my helpings. I can't over due it. I just don't have the body that allows such a thing.

Its getting used to who I am, discovering the body I have been given. Its understanding whats going on.
My mom was encouraging yesterday. She said "you have Leaky Gut Syndrome Nicole, it took years for you to get to this point, you cannot expect it to take you a week to heal and recover"
shes right!
the villi (I think I spelled that right) are shrinking and retracting because of all the sensitivity in my system, this is NOT GOOD! but its reality for me.
Its something I can not ignore, its something I can not deny, its something that will live with me for a while longer. And God has blessed me by introducing me to healing in this way.

I need to allow God to be glorified through this... I can not allow this to be all about me. I will have no strength on my own accord to get through this.

Thanks for listening to my ranting... I greatly appreciate it!

Blessings!

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT!!!! I hardly believe it myself... actually I am in a state of complete shock as to what my test results are. No worries, it's nothing horrible and it is DEFINITELY something doable. so what Am I sooo crazed about??

I am allergic to MEAT!!!! hahahahaah.... come on now, laugh with me!
Thats right, No:
Beef, Chicken, Turkey, or Eggs.
ALSO! NO:
shell fish of any kind, and no fish in general.
I will NEVER again be able to eat tuna or sole fish, the sensitivity is the highest on the scale. As well, Salmon is one food that will probably take me years to regain.

BUT! you haven't heard the clincher yet...
I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO: wheat, gluten or cows milk! :P

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?!?!?!?!?
This means that I can have wheat, I can have icecream, I can have chocolate!
I CAN HAVE COFFEE!!!!!

BUT!!!!!!
I am allergic to Yeast :P
which still means no bread, no baking, nothing at all with yeast in it. No crackers, no cake, no donuts, none of that fun stuff still... As well, those things contain egg.
So the whole time I thought I was wheat/gluten/dairy sensitive, I was actually reacting to the egg and yeast in bread and baking products.
AMAZING right!? :)

As well, NO goats milk, NO cheese, NO cottage cheese.
and FINALLY! an explanation for my mother as to why I was so sick as a new born and why I had such horrible stomach pain... I am allergic to breast milk! (go figure huh!?)

So... ALL fruit is okay!!!! yay!!!! and I am only allergic to garlic, green beans, carrots and peas in the veg department.
Along with NO peanuts, NO sesame, NO oats, NO white rice (but brown rice and wild rice is okay)

My body is still severely sensitive, I am on a liver detox, and there are still some funky hormone tests and such things I need to do... I need to keep going back once a month, I have waaaaaaaaay more protein shakes, oil supplements, pills and such things that I'll need a serious system, journal and calendar log of everything!!!

I can not eat ANYTHING the same every day... I need to wait for four days until I can eat something I ate four days ago. I HAVE to do this. If I don't then I will become sensitive to different things all over again... a new way of life for me I guess!

Tomorrow I will wake up a vegetarian... and I will most likely have to stay that way for a LOOOONNNNGGGG time in order to confirm that I can regain it back. If I stay away, regain and than eat meat all the time again within a couple months, the sensitivity will come back again. Better to stay away and keep staying away. As well, every year I will have to take this blood test and re-adjust my diet to the results.

SO!... thats it!!!! different huh???
But I know that I can make it work... having icecream, and chocolate back makes my day!!!! I already bought a chocolate bar today and had a frapp!!!
yippppeeee for it all, its good news and bad news, but its news that I can handle and that I was preparing myself for... for a loonnng time!
FINALLY! I have clearance and confirmation.

Be as Blessed as I!
and PRAISE GOD! that it's not as bad as it could be... I am honestly completely HAPPY!

This is it... tomorrow I am going in for my results, I can not even believe that it has come this fast already. I feel nervous for it, yet at the same time I feel ready to finally know and finally start my six month journey of elimination dieting. As well, its been a month since I first went to Galina, and Ive "cheated" only three times! and not really big cheats either... THIS IS HUGE! I used to cheat all the time, I used to pig out, I used to be obsessed with it all. And now, I just cheated three times in ONE MONTH! whoa. I am proud of myself. I just need to keep it up (not the cheating, the LACK of cheating!). Today I had a bit of chocolate in anticipation for tomorrow, a small treat for the big day. Tomorrow marks the start of another big change, I know that I can do it... I've proven it already. I am so proud of what I have done, who I have become (in regards to self discipline) THANK YOU! for your support, I am seriously going to need it more and more these next six months.

I'll post my results tomorrow... just in case you're a little curious.

Be Blessed! :)

MY STYE IS GONE!!! .... I repeat... MY STYE IS GONE!!! poof, last night I was in bed with a puffy, painful eye, this morning woke up and kept blinking to make sure it was true... and it was! no more painful eye! yippppeeeee.....

so you may be wondering about this picture, my right eye in this photo is puffy because I have a stye. It was taken back in April of this year and now today the nice doctor at the walk in clinic informed me that... FUN FUN I have another one!!!! in the other eye. It hurts like CRAZY! but Ive been placing a hot cloth on it and its taken away some of the pain and I have antibiotics for it as well, which makes it hurt too... BUT at least I now know what it is.

so you know what made my week? I CAN HAVE SALTED KETTLE CHIPS!!! but only kettle chips and only the salted or salt & pepper flavor. I am SUPER excited.

As well..... CAM IS A SWEET HEART! he took me to the clinic, waited a hour for me to go in and out, and went shopping with me twice this week for groceries. He has had to deal with my dizziness and stupid painful eye this week too... wow!! he has GOT to love me. I mean, he sees my crazy health stuff, and I mean ALL OF IT. He has a front row center seat.... and is so willing to comfort me, take me wherever I need to go, and be a sweetheart in the midst of it all.
I LOVE YOU CAM!!!!! THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL YOU DO FOR ME!!!!!! **muah**

Be Blessed all you! :)

TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL I GET MY BLOOD TEST RESULTS!!!!!!

I attempted to make chicken noodle soup with rice noodles today for lunch...it was GROSS :P so I resorted to peanutbutter and banana on rice bread...mmmmmmmmm... at least the pineapple was good! :) but you know what I was most defiantly thankful for this thanksgiving??!!! I got rice crust, non dairy pumpkin pie yesterday at thanksgiving dinner. you have no idea how amazing it was!!!! my life rocked yesterday with my pie...mmmmm.... I can still taste it! :)

so... today I cheated and ate an entire banana loaf that my grandmother gave me. **tear** Im really sad that I did it... but I literally felt like I could not handle it anymore, the cravings were out of control and I had already felt sick because of some potatoes I ate today, as well as breakfast which did NOT agree, so I was sick all day (and by the way both of those times were food that I am supposed to be able to have and I still got sick)

:'( baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... I think I just need to have a good cry, pull myself together again and remind myself of why I can't just eat like everyone else.

I knew that I had to post this slip, or else it would eat me up alive **sniff sniff**

Love me please, and please pray for me.

Be Blessed.

I pretty much love this photo!!! We went to the fire hall last night, for unit meeting. It was SO MUCH FUN! we got to climb up all over the fire trucks, and shoot water outta the hose!!! YAY!!!

well... today was my first really hard day. I don't know why especially, it just was. Maybe the reality of this situation is setting in, maybe I've had enough salad to last me for a loooooong time that thinking about eating more lettuce makes me feel like a rabbit. I have no idea!! hahahaha... but its hard. I said a short prayer today while making my boiled potatoes, that I submit this all to God. I mean, I'm doing it for a reason, it's not just "cause" its waaaay more than that. You would be happy to know that even in the midst of my hard day, I did not cheat. Not once! I do not have the luxury. If I cheat and fall back into my old ways I am afraid I will never get out of them. I will not be able to go back to the doctor (I got a firm talking to by my parents and the doctor herself about the consequences of cheating), I will not be successful, I have to find the strength within my self to stand up and say "I am worthy of this! I am strong! I am able" and I am.... I know that I am.

Blessings! :)

WEEK ONE: well, this new diet is amazing! I feel wonderful. Really!! one of the pills that I was given wasn't working. It was a guess whether or not it was actually a problem of stomach acid or anxiety. Unfortunately there is no such test to provide information as to what it specifically is. So... we guessed. And... I got serious chest pain for two days. But other than that... Im off of it and everything seems to be working fine! Im really excited to go back and get the details of my blood test, to find out what exactly is up with me and have the definite yes or no to which foods I can or can not consume. Thanks to something the doc gave me as well, I have next to no cravings for anything, so this whole not eating what everyone else is... is working out really well. Its a lot, and seriously A LOT easier this time! And I am soooo much more committed! yippeee... health is on its way!

school is good... handed in a paper, don't think it was my best work, but it was my first of the year. Now, need to read a book for marriage and family class, this ought to be insightful! :P

Blessings!

ALAS!!! I have found a doctor who knows how to fix me! a serious YIPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I have been so desperate to find some way, some thing, someone to help me and I have found her! I LOVE her, she is wonderful, kind, understanding, a genius and a person who knows exactly what it is that is wrong. Like seriously.... EXACTLY! :D AH! you should see my face right now, at this moment, it is beyond extatic. I have not been this excited in a LONG time... I will be healthy soon! I mean it won't be easy, I got a blood test taken and when it comes back it will reveal all that I am sensitive to. Which will be things that I will NOT be allowed to eat, no "if", "ands" or "buts" nope! none of that anymore. But it will be wonderful, 6 months for sure on this restricted diet, and then maybe I can introduce some more stuff back. However, some things I may always be sensitive to and I will just have to re-adjust my ways, I think it is going to take a little longer than just 6 months for complete health and transformation, but I am committed and I am NOT going to give up on this. YAY!

Yes... this day especially... I am SOOOOOO blessed! :)

"O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." Isaiah 33:2

I realise that this passage is from the Old Testament, Isaiah speaking to those who are going to be, or are already exiled by the high powers of that day. Judah and Jerusalem are in for the most difficult time of their history, so God uses His servant Isaiah to speak wisdom, and His words. Both pieces of who were once the 12 tribes are going into a time of judgment for they did not obey, nor follow Gods instructions. The Hebrew people time and time again disobey in their quest to be the children of God. Generation after generation, not learning from the previous and continuously seeking out sin instead of Gods ultimate plan. So punishment came in the form of Persia and Babylon, two high powers that at two separate times in history exiled the Hebrew people.

I don't know about you, but I am fascinated with the Old Testament story. Not only because it is the groundwork of the New Testament, but because its a story that helps one to realize that God isn't looking for the perfect ones. He isn't searching for you to be a certain expectation, the only thing is he looking for is a heart that longs to love and serve him.

This... is the biggest revelation that I have come across these past couple of weeks. The importance of Christ in my life. The importance to giving ALL over to him. I have been struggling with something that has literally rocked my world. Some might assume my recent health decision, my recent excitement and health discovery, and although that is going to rock my life a bit, I know that I am strong enough to step out and do that for myself.
No... this is almost bigger to me than that... but I know that the only way to get through is to place God before it, and realize that my life, no matter what happens is going to be amazing, there doesn't need to be anymore fear, or tears. Just full concentration on the cross, and a big step to claim that I am worthy of what I want, and I am worthy of something really wonderful.

be Blessed!

so... here we go again: those are the only words that really come to mind while starting to understand this "next step" of my lovely IBS adventure. Im still uncertain whether or not its exactly IBS, but I know that my body is becoming more and more sensitive to everything, honestly... everything!!! my conclusion: I am getting worse, and after talking to someone today in a similar position as I, only years ahead of me (shes one of my teachers) I am indeed getting worse and my immune system is slowing down. However, hope! I am going to see a naturopath on Friday and as I have come to realise, I need to do EXACTLY what it will be that she tells me, to the TEE. For when that is done, I can experience healing, absolute and wonderful healing!!!! its just going to be a season, a season of strength to eat what I have to eat, drink whatever drinks I have to drink, do whatever it is I have to do to allow my body the environment to go back to the way it was intended to be at birth.

So.... for Friday, wish me luck!

Unlike some who would simply state that this is a minor problem with minor detail and would not even warrant it a second guess. For me, is a huge life adjustment, a huge life decision, a huge life slap in the face. My body is not working properly, this SUCKS BULLETS! but it is not the end of the world, I have my life, I have the ability to walk, to think, to feed myself, I have the freedom to be who I am... I don't have cancer, I am not dying, I am blessed! very very BLESSED with or without IBS.

so school is going really well.... actually my apartment, my room mate, everything is just wonderful in my house. I LOVE it!!! we have couches from MCC, artwork all over the place and just personality from all three of us, its perfect, utterly perfect! :)
The boys are next door, like I said previous... which poses its problems, but its a lot of fun... they watch the Office, we watch the OC, they play video games ALL THE TIME! :P and we talk and hang out like girls do, and like the "typical male" they never come over to us, we have to always go over to them... TYPICAL! Even when we have goodies.

More classes tomorrow, and Ive done my reading for the day, Psychology and Hermeneutics... o what fun! but seriously, I have a good feeling that I will enjoy all of my classes and have fun trying to achieve the highest grade my poor mind can handle!

I will be coming back to Surrey weekend of the 22nd... wanna have coffee with me? give me a call or leave me a message!

hahaha... yes, as my time ticker has said, Im BACK AT CBC! and it is wonderful! No classes as of yet, they start on Wednesday, but campus life is SO MUCH FUN! this year is going to be so amazing. Amber Hodgkiss is my roommate, along with Traci. And the best and most exciting part of this year is....

CAM IS LIVING NEXT DOOR!

hahahahaah.... yep, Cam is living exactly beside me. No joke, just walk out my door and through his apartment door and there he is! If we can live THIS close together for the next eight months with no sweat... then Im even more confident that we're meant to get hitched! OOOOOOOO yah! :)

well.... I'll keep you updated. I start cash in the cafeteria tomorrow, Im kinda nervous.
BE BLESSED! :)

so yesturday was Cam and I one and a half year anniversary (which you can tell from my previous post) I didn't have the delight of seeing Cam that night :'( **sniff sniff** BUT! this morning Cam was SUPPOSED to come to my place at 11:30am to head off to my friends wedding... and INSTEAD he came over quarter after ten in the morning (this is amazing, usually he's still in bed at this time! :P) with FLOWERS!!!!! two bunches, one yellow and one pink and one single red rose all for me!! for our anniversary! I was just smiling cheek to cheek. I had just rolled out of bed myself so you can imagine how I looked... and he even said that I looked beautiful! can I get an "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!" Yep! I am officially the happiest and luckiest woman on earth! Amys day today was her big, special day... but Cam made my today, and our anniversary one of the best!!! and most special, he's even taking me to Science World on Monday for more celebration! YAY!!!!
THANK YOU CAMMY! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! more than words can say. **MUAH!**

HAPPY YEAR AND A HALF ANNIVERSARY CAM!!! LOVE YOU :)

Lauren tagged me so here I go!

Five's:

5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago:
- babysitting
- still "enjoying" elementary school
- I was IN Sunday school not teaching it
- complaining to my parents about my annoying little brothers
- getting ready for my "wonderful" teen years

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
- chocolate silk soy milk
- apples with honey or nutella
- corn chips or rice chips with salsa
- soy beans and salt
- all kinds of fruit

5 TV Shows I've Seen Every Episode Of:
- Saved by the Bell
- Full House
- Home Improvement
- Friends
- Gilmore Girls

5 Things I Would Do If I Were A Millionaire:
- pay off all my and Cams debts as well as both our families debts
- travel around the world, go back to Hawaii!
- give to our churches and organizations which are important to us
- invest, especially in realestate like flipping homes and having fun with different kinds of properties
- have Cam do whatever it is he wants to do with a big yard, in the means of giving him the financial freedom to garden and landscape till he can't no more!

5 Bad Habits:
- staying up too late
- eating too much when I'm obviously full
- watching too much tv when I have nothing better to do (that won't happen at school though!)
- not doing my homework when I should
- being impatient (probably my worse habit)

5 Things I Like To Do:
- spend my time with Cam!
- hang out with my family, and Cams parents, his sisters too but I don't get to see them enough **sniff sniff**
- have coffee (or in my case, tea) with friends, just spend time talking and hanging out
- I love to read, especially my bible and other Christian related books, haha... even the ones required for school
- staring at nature, like watching the stars or just sitting outside, playing in the rain, walks... suntanning!

5 Things I Would Never Wear Again:
- super low, butt crack jeans :P
- giant t-shirts which are obviously way too big
- shorter tops
- dresses with no substance
- crazy flower printed, neon type clothing, eeekkk...

5 Favorite Toys:
- my moms 2007 Honda Fit
- Camera
- iBook G4 Mac laptop
- my cell phone
- my mexico blanket (it may not be a "toy" but its one of my favorite things)

5 Things I Can't Stand:
- people who expect other people to do everything for them
- people who are just rude... all the time!
- people who can't drive
- people who "can't or don't" unload their grocery baskets when they obviously had no problem loading them
- people who ignore other people when they are on their cell phones :P

Now it's my turn to tag 5 people.
And I tag…- Dara, Jen, Michele, Nantina, and Amber.

CAM IS COMING HOME TODAY FROM STILLWOOD!!! yes, I'm a little excited, can you hear my excitement!? no no, don't get me wrong, I love it that he wants to be there at camp, year after year, doing whatever it is he does over there. I am soooo proud of him!!!! But, I just don't want to share him any longer :P I want my beau back... so, when I finally get home, I'll be singing for sure! :)
I LOVE YOU CAM!!! yes, I most definitely do.

In other news: its 109 degress F (42 degress C) in Palm Desert today and will be for all the days that I am here, that means HOT, SO VERY HOT!

Disney Land is wonderful! I wanna find Mickey Mouse and Goofy today! :) heehee... Tomorrow we're going off to Palm Desert. Im very excited for relaxing and tanning. Yipppeeeee...

YES! I am STILL in California... and today, we went to SIX FLAGS and it was amazing!! the picture above is of mom and I on the ride Tatsu, yes, that is me on my stomach on a roller coaster that goes millions of miles per hour which tosses you upside down and around. It the scariest thing EVER! but soooooo much fun, I loved it! :)

Tomorrow... DISNEY LAND!!!

COUNT DOWN!!!! 2 FULL DAYS UNTIL DISNEY LAND!!!!
yay... soooooooooooo excited.
yep, very very VERY happy :D
I'll say "HI" to Mickey Mouse for all of you... heehee.

CAM IS COMING HOME IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!! I'm really excited to spend more than just one day with him a week... **blushes** I really love this boy! :)

I had no idea how loved I am at IGA! wow!! I told my friends there that my last day is this Saturday and most of them, the look on their faces was like "what are you doing!!" Ive had some say they aren't talking to me anymore (only joking of course), and others make sad faces. I honestly had nooo idea!!! WOW! I feel so loved! and now it makes it even harder to leave **sniff sniff** but it needs to be done.
I already said goodbye to a couple people and it was sad, but with a hug it was all better. Glen one of the regular costumers even came up to me several times saying that hes sad Im leaving and he wants a hug on my last day! hahah...
Well, to all my IGA buddies, its been an honor to work with you! I have loved every moment of our cashier conversations and jokes, gossip and what-nots. Its been wonderful! I hope to work there again next year... but if not. I'll make sure I visit often.
**Hugz**

Cam and I in the boat, I was freezing... its so windy!!! :)

from left to right: Karen Roeck, Nicole (me!), Stephanie Martens, Jason Kroeker, Tanya Ens, Brandon Kroeker, Jenny Ens

Every once in a while when we were all little children, our parents would sit us on a couch from oldest to youngest and take a picture at the Hatzic Lake Ens cabin. This year we were fortunate to be able to go the cabin for a dinner with the Ens family. Cam came along too! It was SO MUCH FUN! and once again, a picture was taken. O, and in case you were confused Mrs. Roeck, and Mrs. Martens were Ens children at one time, but are both now married.

COUNT DOWN TO DISNEY LAND AND CALIFORNIA!!! 10 days.
Im so excited to see Mickey Mouse, you have noooo idea!! its going to be such a blast. It's official and Im extatic. Im heading off, and driving to California, specifically Palm desert, Palm Springs. Im going to roast! :'( Its 93 degrees at SEVEN THIRTY IN THE MORNING! imagine high noon??? ahhhhhhhh.. O well, at least I'll be tanned! heehee!

So.... I quit IGA today! actually, I put in my two weeks notice to Kathy, to give to Jon and my last day will be August 11th. Why??? Because I am going to be living full time in Abbostford at CBC this coming fall, September 2nd to be exact. And going back and forth to work, from Abby to Surrey to Abby to Surrey is just soooo hard with 15 credits, deadlines and opportunities to hang out with friends. Last year, I had no life at all. This year, I want time to socialize and I don't want to be stressed outta my mind that I get more ulcers and anxiety attacks. I will be applying for a job at the CBC cafeteria, for approx. 8-10 hours a week, which is nothing really compared to the 20 hours I was doing at IGA each weekend last year. So yep.. this is the plan. I'll reapply for cashier at IGA in April of next year for the summer... hopefully Jon will take me back, and if not. I will be applying to other places as well anyways! :)

O, also guess what???
IM GOING TO PALM SPRINGS most likly for vacation, after August 11th sometime. I will die though from the intense heat there is over there.. but o well! it'll still be TONZ OF FUN! and hopefully I'll get an awesome tan!!!!

well.... gots to go and sleep soon
Be Blessed!

IM SO BURNT... it hurts sooo much **sniff sniff** and its all in my cheeks and my nose. It's going to be horrible once it starts to peel... waaaaaaaaaaaaaa... I will now go and rub aloe vera on it, maybe that will help.

I have a pic to post soon :P

wear sunscreen!

I came across this old photo of Lauren and I, Im acutally not even sure when this was taken, but I absolutely LOVE this picture of us. Its one of my favorites. Reminds me how much life has changed, now that Lauren is off in England and has been since November of 2005. I miss her of course, but thats life. People move on, things change and thats okay. Im so happy that shes built such an incredible life there for herself.


Here is another one of Becky and I, she is now "Becky Davidson" and Im thrilled for her. Even more thrilled that she now lives here in Burnaby. I get to see her often when before I had to cross the border in order to visit, now she's only a 20 minute sky train ride away. YAY!!!!

Today...when I came up the stairs to the kitchen, a bunch of BEAUTIFUL red roses were awaiting for me along with a letter. Cam had dropped them off on his way to the airport this morning, waaay early this morning. and I LOVE THEM! Actually, I LOOOOVE him. SO much! So here are my perfect, red, wonderful roses.
I MUST show them off! :)

IM SIIIIIICK! **sniff sniff** yesturday I had heat stroke (im pretty sure thats what it was) and today my nose is all stuffy and all... sooo sucky! :P but O well! It'll pass in a couple of days.

I hope that everyone who is going to California to celebrate Cams grandmas birthday has a wonderful time! Be safe all of you! :)

Blessings!

my dad is so amazing I love him SO MUCH! he came home and surprised me with pink roses as his present to me for my birthday... the card made me cry!

Me and my beautiful flowers!

So yesturday was my 22nd birthday and I had SUCH A BLAST! it was the most wonderful day. My mom and younger brother Brandon took me out for breakfast to IHop, then we came home and mom and I suntanned outside for a couple hours while talking. We had the most incredible conversation, and discussed such matters as my previous post. Its so remarkable to me that her and I have such a close relationship, I am so blessed! Then her and I went out for starbucks, came home and my dad came home shortly after. WITH FLOWERS! I absolutely love flowers! especially roses. I cried when I read my card and hugged him so much in thanksgiving for such a beautiful gift. I then opened up my gifts. Underware (my favorite thing!) Starbucks travel mug, and the Peter Pan cartoon Disney movie. Indian food dinner is where we ate (also my favorite) and then picked up Becky from the skytrain station, Alissa and Lena came home and we hung out and had such a blast for the night. Saturday I get my birthday date with Cam and I am SOOOO EXCITED! its going to be wonderful, we're hopefully doing the beach and then seeing the Transformers movie! :) I know hes eager to see it, and so am I. so, YAY!
THANK YOU EVERYONE! for making my day amazing, for the phone calls, the gifts on facebook, the messages. IT HAS MEANT THE WORLD TO ME! seriously, you have no idea how much love I feel when I see those comments and how special you have all made me feel as well. I am beyond blessed.

I LOVE ROSES! :)

Im trying SO HARD to understand more about myself and why I abuse myself with food. And actually, Im finally getting somewhere! :) Im finally starting to find why I have taken the task of eating and have made it into an abusive activity. Which has caused all sorts of digestive and emotional problems.
This is actually because all my life Ive been told that Love is food. When I eat I used to be taught by my grandparents and then parents actions that to feel love is to eat, and to feel comfort is to eat. And so, I always have associated food with feeling loved. If I was sad about something, angry at someone and just plain unhappy... I would turn to food to make me feel better because I was taught to do that. Instead of dealing with my problems, working them out, coming to terms with tough situations, my reaction was to hide behind food.
NO MORE! and Im serious.
Im sick and tired of being sick...and I get sick A LOT. Im tired of feeling tired, Im tired of not dealing with myself and the things of my past. Because these actions and the way Im dealing with my problems and life today, is NOT going to help me tomorrow. Its not going to help cam and I when we finally do get married and it surely isn't going to help my children when I finally have them.
so... YAY! Im not afraid to revisit my past and deal with the hurts and pains I experienced that I was too afraid to experience at the time. Bring it on! :)
hahaha.....

I love my life, and I Love the people in my life.
I love Cam and the promising future that him and I have... I love myself and the path that God has me walking on, my life is NOT easy I can say that twice, but it is SO incredible and I am SO thankful.
So love... does not come from a chocolate bar, not from a bowl of icecream, nor from the craving that is overwhelming at the time. It comes from amazing people and an amazing God, This I FINALLY can understand.
yay for healing! :)
yay for promises unraveling themselves before my very eyes.

BE BLESSED!

Yesturday Cam had a day off of Camp, so he came home! :) which meant... I GOT TO SEE HIM! yay. I was smiling all day long. It was super sweet too cause he called just after lunch and asked for me to come over to his place, so I made my way over there. We got in the car and on our way over to wherever we were going (I had no idea at this point) he kept asking me "do you know where we are?" "do you know where we're going?" he took an alternate route so I really had no clue.

We then pulled into Fort Langely, and he took me to visit the Fort! I had never been there before and we had previously been to Fort Langely to walk around and have coffee we walked past the tall walls and I was so curious as to what was behind it. So Cam took me in! It was SO MUCH FUN! we had such a blast... I really loved every moment of it.

He is now back to Stillwood today... he's doing the single moms camp and then Sunday afternoon the first load of kids come (over 500) and the summer camps begin! Ten more days and I get to see him again, and that Saturday (July 7th) is my Birthday day with him! For he misses my actual b-day on thursday! SO EXCITED!

YAY for healing!!! my thumb is getting better... a lot better! Not very much pain anymore and hardly any more throbbing, just left with a very ugly nail and no feeling on the tip of my thumb or side, apparently the nerves will return (hopefully!) so yay.
two more days and then I get to see Cam!
Im VERY excited. :)

my icky thumb! :P

my first hospital bracelet ever! can you see the monkey sticker?

so... many have been asking because of my facebook profile how I did this AGAIN to my finger! well, it was in October of 2006 when I did this the first time, so it isn't like it was a couple months ago, it was about eight months ago! :P
so there!!
but this time I was taking cigarettes out of the safe, and the door was closing a lot faster than I realised and it smashed on my thumb. This time it was waaaay worse too :'( I went to the Emergency at the nearest hospital where the doctor froze my entire thumb! you know when you get your mouth frozen at the dentist? he did that to my thumb!! It was SOOOOOO painful!! I cried and squeezed my brothers hand so hard! then he put my thumb in a shotglass of chemicals which bubbled and dissolved all the blood which was scabbing on my thumb! :P it was gross and painful...
but
my thumb isnt broken and Im back to work on Tuesday.
my hospital adventure was very... entertaining in the least, Jason (my brother) took me and stayed with me the entire time! we laughed and kept ourselves smiling and all the nurses there were amazing! the nurse that I registered with even put a monkey sicker on my hospital bracelet she told me that it was to make me feel better and to try and help me stop crying! soooo sweet! she then tried to set me up with her son! hahaha.... the one thing that would have made it all better was if Cam was there :'( but it's okay cause I got to see him last night and he kissed it all better!

so... now I am going to stay faaaaaar far away from the cigarette safe if I can help it.

I MADE WHEAT-FREE COOKIES TODAY!... and they were soooooo good! :)
Im sooo excited to experiment with making wheat-free bread, cake and other yummy things soon, hmm... actually I think I'll make brownies tomorrow! I bought a wheat-free cook book today too! so I can make TONZ of stuff, and I've found the flour I need at such a cheap price, some of it at Pricesmart and some at Choices! (you need to mix four non wheat flours to make the flour needed for wheat free baking/cooking, this is cause only one flour doesn't have the right consistency) so its surprisingly afforadable! YAY! :D yes.. this is my awesome good news. so Summer Goal: learn how to cook/bake wheat-free!!!!!!!

here is a big YIPPPEEEEEE for PriceSmart foods.. why you ask!?
cause I was there yesturday in their bulk foods section just hanging out with my mommy and guess what I came across??? RICE AND BROWN RICE FLOUR @ 29 cents for 100g. Thats amazing! :) Im sooooooo excited! you have no idea what this means! (well, I think you're guessing where Im going with this) I can FINALLY start doing my own stuff with this flour which is CHEAP! sooo much cheaper than buying it any other way I've found so far. so YAY... BIG HURRAY! for this new discovery I was sooo giddy at the grocery store that I actually hugged the flour containers and jumped up and down! and then wanted to find someone who worked there to hug them too (I didnt though, cause thats creepy)... AHHHH!!! sooooo excited! :D I can experiment, now my plan is to find a recipie book so I can make some good rice bread and Karen (cams mom) has offered to help me perfect the art of rice break making... yipppeee!!!....

so i decided that i wouldnt talk or post about my "health issues" any longer because it bores people and because i really need to rely on God about it and not other people to give me attention. in a way i believe that i was subconsiously enjoying the attention i was getting from people by telling them my "sick problems" and getting the "ooo... I feel so bad for you" response. im sorry to all!

yet, this is truly scaring me and although i am posting i ask that nobody do the whole "ooo... Im so sorry for you!" thing, but instead pray for me.

i went to the doctor about two weeks ago, because i had an anxiety attack and intense pressure, burning and such things in my chest. turns out i have a stomach ulcer, or at least the "start" of an ulcer which my doctor gave me meds for. good right? take meds and ulcer goes away!? well, wrong apparently! ulcers don't go away, at least ive been told.
but i believe that with the healing power of God, YES! they do!

so please pray for me, that this forming hole in my stomach shrinks and goes away, not only cause its a hole and that sucks, but because there is potential for it to become bigger and cancerous, there is also potential for me to get more anxiety attacks and so forth. so really it going away is the best thing possible.
Im also done my 15 days of medication and nothing has changed, still pain and pressure, still anxiety and apparently I need to learn to relax, no stress... any relaxing techniques that people have to offer me?

thanks to everyone who will pray on my behalf!
i appreciate it more than i can express,
be blessed :)

Cam and I enjoying everything!

Nantina and I goofing off, the chocolate fountain was our favorite! :) Yummies

So yesturday I was at Lena and Marcel Fast's wedding... it was BEAUTIFUL! soooo nice and elegant, Lena did such a fantastic job and she looked absolutely BEAUTIFUL! sooooo amazing. Sorry no pics of her cause I didn't get one :'( I wish I did. The ceremony was wonderful and the reception was tonz of fun, we got to square dance, I had such a hoot with it. So thank you Lena for such a good time, it was wonderful to share in your excitment and watch you on your special day! CONGRATS!

I got to see Lauren again on Monday!!! its been since her Christmas visit that I have had the chance to see and speak with her! it was soooo exciting, such an awesome visit and such a great time to catch up on our lives and pick up where we left off... that is pretty much how it works for us now! and I am thrilled.
I am so excited for the life she has in England I am so excited for the blessings God has in store for her life, and I am thankful for her support and love in the things that are within my life here in Canada.
yay! for a long distance, life-long friendship! :)

they were AMAZING!

he's eating beef jerky if you're wondering.

Cam and I went along with my brothers and our family friend Tanya to go and see HILLSONG UNITED! this past Saturday and let me tell you... it was AMAZING! soooo incredible, soooooo much fun! so much of a worship time that I can not explain how excited I was that I could go and experience it.

At one moment everyone was lifting their arms up to God and the band was singing... there was this white light upon the crowd and it was incredible to witness so many people worshiping looking almost angelic. I loved every moment of it!
I even got a t-shirt!

makes me want to just sit in Gods presence and reflect.

Be Blessed! ;)

these pics were my one year anniversary surprise from Cam back on February 24th of this year. it was such an awesome surprise cause he was like "meet me at Willowbrook mall no later than 9:45am" so I was sooooo interested in what was going on, then he proceeded to walk me through the mall explaining that meeting at the mall was a detour for what he really had planned. I was confused but followed. we then came to the Sears portrait studio and he was like "o! lets go in here" he had book an appointment and we had a blast with getting our pictures taken! I looooved it! so these are finally the pics from that wonderful surprise! hmmm... I wonder whats in store for our two year! ;) heehee.

so Im a dork.

cause I put one of those ticker factory time lines on this blog to count down the days before school starts up for me again. but can you blame me? Im SO EXCITED to go back... seriously, I've never been so disapointed for summer.
School is just too much fun, and working all the time isn't.

beds calling....

BE BLESSED! :)

ATTENTION ALL!!!
today is McHappy Day... this means that we get to eat McDonalds food for the children! isn't that soooo much fun!???
I think so,
today... go and get a Big Mac or a Happy Meal and help the kids!

Im going to! :)
heres the link if your interested in checking it out:
http://www.mcdonalds.ca/en/index.aspx

so I tired the detox kit... yep...NOOoOooooooOOoOOo.... not happening.
I feel soooo sick its just horrible!
I just want to puke and sleep, so I don't think Im going to keep it up. When I came home from work I went straight to the pantry, ate some corn chips and finally feel some-what better.

Im just going to stick to my no wheat diet and that'll be it.
booooo for detox :P

so there really is hardly any new news to share at all.... Im getting good hours at work which is sooooo nice! however, work I find is actually work! (go figure!) I havent worked these long hours in such a long time (since my mcdonalds days!) and now Im starting to realise the exhaustion that can take its toll on a person who puts in a good 33 hour week. And well, I just honestly get exhausted easily... of course!

but tomorrow starts an interesting week.

Im doing a detox week kit that my mommy bought me, honestly I do not think that Im mentally prepared for this!
It's where you need to drink this thick orange drink three times a day, eat a pack (well five huge pills) every day and are only allowed to nibble on veggies and cooked chicken. eeeeeeekkkkk.... seven straight days of this?????
but, of course I wanted to do it!
yet, that was two weeks ago when I was brave enough to...but I should.

I've been feeling ill again
I guess because the cafeteria food at CBC is horrid and full of wheat that my body went into the whole "I HATE YOU" and so now I need to calm it down to liking me again. Ive been staying off of wheat (minus today) and its been good, no wheat and I feel amazing and healthy, eat wheat and I balloon (literally!).
I mean there are women out there with so many problems and here I am with one of the most annoying...geeezzz, I feel sorry to any daughters I may pop out one day! (its genetic in girls)
but anyways...

gots to sleep and if something interesting happens in life, I'll post.
until then
BE BLESSED!

I really love this picture, and not because my face looks huge or because this was taken on Cams birthday. but just cause its "us"... relaxing and having fun. so I thought I'd share.

well... nothing exciting has happened at all lately, like nothing at all! hahaha... well, other then this wonderful woman who I know, from somewhere. I know its bad, but I honestly have no idea where I know her from. But anyways!
She knows of a counselling office in Abbotsford which is chrisitian and geared for pregnant teens and those struggling with having an abortion or such cases. Exactly what I want to get into when I graduate from CBC, and what Im looking into for an internship for my third year. Not this next year coming but the year after. so... YAY!
if I can volunteer there, or at least have coffee with some of the ladies that run it, and learn from them.. then that would be incredible!
so this woman I know that Im not sure if I actually know.. is getting me all the contact information I need.
I know its going to be hard to volunteer and connect there my first semester cause Im going to be so swamped. But it'll be sooo nice to get my "foot in the door" as my dad always says. or at least make it known that Im interested in that career choice and heading in that general direction and want some "mentoring" or help getting there.

yay... Im excited!

Blessings on ya! ;)

i believe that this summer is going to end up being something incredible for me. a change, a chance to grow in becoming the person i know that i am. in doing the things that ive always wanted to do. like paint! im SO EXCITED to finally paint. and the best part about it is my grandmother is a crazy good painter, i mean shes pro. so i must have some talent hidden within my genes somewhere! i asked her if she would show me how, get me started and she told me not to buy anything cause she has it all... perfect! however, she did tell me that the best thing to do to start is to sketch, so i need to go to Micheals and get me a sketch book with some pencils. im a little afraid that im going to suck! but i'll grow in it..

maybe when im a little bit more confident i'll post something ive done... when i finally produce something, yay for growth. that although its painful, its beautiful as well!

Be Blessed! :)

Pictues like I promised! My new Haircut! LOVE IT! What about you!?

well... I got a hair cut! totally spontaneous and completely shorter than I had oringinally hoped for, but hey! its a change. I will post a pic once I get back on my own computer at home in surrey with internet access, its frustrating to have no internet here in my apartment at CBC... Im really REALLY nervous about what my parents and Cam will say, but they need to love me, short hair and all anyways! :) **heehee** tonz of girls here say they love it, so thats such an encouragement... I love it too, just total shock right now, thats all!
Be Blessed!

yesturday i came to the point of realising that the ankle that i now have which is messed up and sprained i have no desire what - so - ever! to fix. what!?!?! this is what im a little afraid of... it seems so strange that having an injury like this would in no way bring me to want to change it. and i know for a fact that this is not a healthy thought process. it can't be... there is no way. ive been thinking, contemplating, wondering how in the world i can change this... pray for me!? im icing my ankle by the way and its slowly getting better, im wanting to finally do something about it.

why do things need to be so hard??... sometimes I just want to cry and pray with heart felt tears for things to just be better, for anything to happen to make it better.
Father God, I need a hug.

at the dinner table yesturday I was given the news that a girl who went here to CBC last year was killed in an avalanche.
the news has shocked me and although I do not know the girl personally, her boyfriend still goes here to CBC and lives in the OL house (outdoor leadership house) where a couple of my friends live. I do not know James, but I can only imagine the pain that he is experiencing and it's brought me to tears several times since yesturday.
the unnerving reality that death is sudden and real... and even that death can happen to those who I love and hold dear, that cam, my parents, family, friends are not safe from it, and neither am I. i never want to experience receiving a phone call hearing of cam or anyone else for that matter, who has passed suddenly.

so here is my heartfelt sorry.. for James, for Kims family and all those that have been affected by her death. I am so so so so sooo sorry, that this has happened, and I pray with all of my heart and energy that God will bring peace and comfort to you.
God Bless.

okay... so Im going to be writting my paper tomorrow and doing my argument on tuesday in class on my ethical issue. However, I want your opinion and advice when it comes to my topic, everything you got. For or Against. Get me thinking about more angles, there is tonz of research in this, its VERY interesting! (at least to me!) so... leave me a comment. PLEASE! :)

POST-MENOPAUSAL PREGNANCIES
having a child after menopause which average age is about 55-56 years old.

how ethical is this? considering the child's life.

I loooove being spontaneous, its one of my favorite things EVER! next to being surprised, which Cam has taken to doing lots and lots of which is super sweet! Past Sunday was one of those spontaneous times... after a halarious lingere shower for Lena, Nan and I drove home to Abby and since the sun was out, our shades were on and the music was blared, Nan had the fantastic idea of going to the tunnels outside of Hope just to hang out, so we did!! We pulled into the parking lot of CBC, grabbed Cam, Julie and Caitlin and took off! It was soooo much fun! if only we had rememberd to bring a flashlight though!! opps on that one... but seriously it was georgous!! absolutely beautiful, yet the tunnels were terrifying you couldnt see a thing!

At least I had fun on the sunday, cause the rest of this past week has been sucky to say the least. I was horribly sick with stomach cramps and head aches/dizzyness on Monday... Cam was a SWEETHEART! and surprised me with Ben and jerrys icecream and some cuddles! :) my favorites!! then Tuesday along with what was left of the cramps and dizzyness I sprained my ankle going up the stairs to go to Vespers, I didnt think much of it cause it didnt hurt too much...but when I tried to walk home, Cam had to help steady me and I used him as my "cane" for the rest of the way... now it hasnt gotten better, but worse and Cam was sooo sweet to take me to the clinic yesturday afternoon to get it checked out. The doctor was no help at all, but did tell me Im not allowed to work all weekend or walk around too much, I have to ice it as much as possible on a pillow for height... yep! sucky!
but O well... at least I had my super sweet man to take care of me all week long! which he did! I love him! :)

Blessings and please pray for my foot :'( Im such a gimp right now!

its been a while...sorry guys!
life has been very busy, lots of homework to get done, most of which I finished Monday and Tuesday, all the small stuff so that I can get started and keep focus on the big stuff! like my ethical reasoning paper.

Im doing the ethical issue of post-menopausal pregnancies, meaning woman who have babies when they are not physically able anymore through fertalization. there is something about this that makes me angry!!! I mean... why would a woman be so selfish as to bring a baby into the world, only to "enjoy" that child for a short amount of time because of the reality that woman in their 60's don't usually live very much longer! I find that its kinda crazy... but thats just my opinion.
Im also doing an assignment with Alissa on Haggai in the minor prophets, this assignment is very very fun!
next is my Anabaptist integration paper... long and all about how the Anabaptist movement of the 16th century has effected my own theology and in what ways, this one Im looking foward to writing (i love writing anyways!) but I think its going to be more challenging.... O well, a challenge is good!

so yep! thats going to be my life for the next three weeks O well!

o... I know what Im taking next semester already!

Biblical Hermenutics
Intro to Phsycology 1
Intro to Counselling 1
Marriage and Family

It'll be a good one! although Im thinking of throwing in another biblical elective just to make it 15 credits, but we'll see.
till next time! :)

Blessings!

so Im aware that this is an old picture, taken on Cams birthday last year (april 17) BUT the reason for the post is that... I GOT CONTACTS TODAY!!! and this picture represents the last time I wore contacts for an extended amount of time, before I ran out and became a broke college student. Now that my glasses broke, and I took a kaaa-ching outta my bank account... my parents were kind enough to step in and offer to buy me contacts from costco for a third of the price my glasses cost and half the price I paid last year to have contacts! so yippeee.. for finding a waaaaay cheaper way to buy contacts and a even louder yippeee that my mommy and daddy are happy and loving enough (out of pity I guess) to buy me a six-month supply... heck! I should accidently break more expensive yet manditory stuff more often! :) *heehee*... I'll post another more recent pic of my non-glass wearing lifestyle as soon as Im back at school and re-united with my camera, maybe I'll coax Cam into a pic as well!

**Hugz** and Blessings to all!

O... and yes, DON'T FORGET to spring ahead tonight! :)