Edison rolls!

It just happened, a few days ago I put Edison on his back on the soft blankets like usual and BAM! He rolled onto his stomach. I was shocked but thrilled and continued putting him on his back throughout the day and each time he rolled! But not only that, he's trying so hard to crawl too. I'm in so much trouble! I think my boy is going to be a very active little guy who ends up crawling really soon.


What am I going to do to keep up with him? I'm not ready for this. All the sudden it's challenging to dress him cause he's rolling all over the place. Oh well, it'll be fun and if not I can just wear him in my ring sling all the time :)


Oh and Cam & I are still working on what to do about our sleeping arrangement. I think Cams waking Edi up at night sometimes (maybe I am too) so moving him might be good? I have no idea, I'm still so unsure of it all. Any good book recommendations on the topic? I'm not concerned about the sleeping through the night thing. I'm more concerned about the moving him to his crib thing. But then again I think I'm more comfortable with co-sleeping than I thought I'd be and it surprises me that I'm doing it. But I feel that since I was always told that babies sleep in their own cribs the fact that I'm actually co-sleeping now and am okay with it is something that I'm unfamiliar with. There is still that huge fear that if I don't move him now then it'll never happen. Wow! There's too much stress surrounding this. I'll stop talking about it now.

Diet update: I'm no longer eating eggs, dairy, gluten (which means no wheat), goats cheese, dried fruit & cabbage (gassy veggies). I'm currently working on also eliminating caffeine. All because my baby is really sensitive, you should of smelled him yesterday his gas was really really stinky.

Oh well, it's not all bad cause I've already lost 3.6lbs in 15 days! I feel really good and so does my baby, lots of smiles today :)
N.

Another hard day

Today was another one of those hard days, the type where I stay in my pjs with unwashed hair because my son is screaming so often. The type where I look at him with tears in my eyes because I just don't know why. The type where I question when these hard days will end.

I love my son.

I love his precious smile and his coos. I love the way he grabs my fingers to chew on and how he looks up at me when he nurses. I love it when he buries his head in my shoulder and how only I have the privilege of supplying his meals. I love his big blue eyes and adore that his nose looks similar to mine.

But I'm saddened when days like today happen and my smiling boy is replaced with a screaming, teary eyed mess of a child. A child that won't take my hugs or kisses or attempts at comfort. A child that seems impossible to please. A child that feels so far from my sweet, precious boy. A child that I still so desperately love. And I sit there with tears welling up in my eyes, holding him tight and beg to understand what the heck is going on.

There was no excessive spit up today but lots of tummy rumbling, lots of farting, lots of drooling and a more irritated than normal diapered bum. I've eaten no dairy or gluten (to my knowledge) in the past 24 hours and actually feel pretty good physically. Yet, my son has cried himself to such a hysterical point that he turned bright red and went stiff as a board several times today.

What. The. F@$k. Seriously!!

I love being a mommy. I love watching my baby boy grow up and I believe this is my greatest calling in life. But it feels so damn hard when the crying won't end and my baby is in obvious pain and I can't seem to do anything right to help him. What do I do? When will this end? But at the same time, dear God I don't want to miss it! I want to enjoy my three month old little man, he will never be this little ever again. But please, may his screaming turn to laughter soon really really soon.


I just don't know what's going on anymore 😢
N.

Happy 3 months Edison!

Age: My baby is three months old, WOW! It's going so fast!

Weight & height: when I had Edison weighed a couple weeks ago he was 12lbs. I'm assuming that he's around 13lbs now or more! I'll weigh him soon. He's currently 60 cm long.

Clothing: All of his 3-6 month sizes & 6 month onesies are currently in his drawer. A couple 3 month pants are still fitting him around the waist but are a little short. I'm buying cute 9 month size clothes now when I find them at good prices. And if anyone has used 9 month sized clothes they want to pass on I'm more than willing to take them!!

Likes:
• jolly jumper
• sleeping on daddy
• his soothie soother
• Ollie the elephant (his stuffie)
• blue ball rattle
• lying down on his blankets to kick
• watching the tv
• funny faces
• his Ergo baby carrier (most days)
• sucking on fingers (his & ours)
• baths & kicking the water
• sitting up to look around
• sleeping beside me in my bed or on our couch
• smiling, cooing & "talking"
• being held upright

Dislikes:
• car rides (unless someone is sitting beside him in the car)
• tummy time
• waiting for boob
• dairy, HATES dairy!
• wet hair in the tub
• napping in his cradle
• being alone at any point in time
• gas bubbles & tummy grumbles

Development:
• holds his head up so well
• smiles really big & is starting to laugh/giggle too
• rolls over (so exciting!!)
• grabs things & holds onto them or puts them into his mouth
• drools all over himself
• leans forward
• "crawls" up your shoulder when you hold him
• more of a screaming type cry when he gets hysterical


Hows mom doing?: I'm doing great! Especially since I've decided to just listen to my boy and offer him milk whenever he's showing signs of possible hunger. It's obvious by the above photo that Edison has definitely grown in the past month. He hasn't even had formula feeds so that's all due to my milk production. I'm no longer stressed or worried about my production, now I'm just worried about whats in my milk. Since we discovered Edison's reflux problem we decided I would go dairy and gluten-free, it's been remarkable how different he is now! I've even had friends who have seen Edi at his worst testify to me how different he is now! It's not just me experiencing a different baby, others are too! We're sure its my diet affecting him because as soon as I accidentally consume foods containing gluten or dairy we can see the averse effects in Edison's behavior an hour or so after he eats. So the really hard days (when Edi reacts) keep me motivated to stick to my new diet and be extra careful. I hope I end up loosing some weight in the process too, that'd be nice.

I'm also reading wheat belly but I'll write a different post on that later.

Happy three months to my little guy, you're growing too fast my love.
N.

Tell me why do I own this crib that's never used??

Edison is the best at cuddling, he just loves to snuggle up at my boob and put himself to sleep. And if my boob isn't anywhere in sight then he'll settle for a soothie and some rocking to catch his z's. But then try and put him in his crib or playpen and in minutes you've got a wide awake hysterically crying little man. He's not a happy boy when sleeping alone and I'm getting to the point where I really want to encourage that to change.

I never imagined that I'd become the mom that would co-sleep with her baby. I always questioned the practice and deemed it unsafe and a complete nuisance. I mean why would I want to share my bed, I already share it! But then Edison came along of course and I ended up reading tons of articles on the benefits of co-sleeping and after a few sleepless nights I said screw it and Edi has ended up in our bed half way through the night ever since. And I've really noticed how different the nights are when I bring Edi into our bed compared to the nights when I'm fighting him to fall back asleep so I can get him back to his bed and me back to mine.

Yet, I'm back and forth in all this. I think to myself that things seem fine. He's needing comfort and my breasts seem to be the place he's choosing for that. But then there's moments (more often lately) when I'm wishing I could just put him in his crib for his nap so I can get the loads of laundry done or take a much needed nap and shower. I don't want this to become a bigger issue in a couple months when he's older and more aware. But then I don't want to rush what he's not ready for, I'm really not sure where to go from here.

What do I do? Where do I start? I have no clue. I knew that the three month mark was when I wanted to start doing something to establish routine and move Edison slowly to his crib. I'm not so desperate to get him in his crib at night so much as I am to get him there for his naps and then transition him after he's napping in his crib most of his naps. I'm realizing though that this is going to take some serious dedication (and tears) but I'm not willing to do the cry it out method. That method is just not for us, no judgement if you did it, I just don't want to. So what do I do? How do I start? What's best? I'm no longer worried about Edison nursing to sleep on me (a non issue on my opinion) but I do want him to sleep in his crib after his feeds if he's sleepy. That transition is the most important for me to start working on. Because right now he'll only sleep on either me or Cam or my mom most times. And only stay sleeping if he's being held.


I never anticipated that I'd have to teach my new baby how to sleep. Shouldn't that just be built in from birth? I think it should be!
N.

World breastfeeding week, we're doing great!

Wednesday marked the first day of world breastfeeding week and it's the first time I've actually paid attention. My life is now completely changed, this adorable little boy has claimed my boobies as his property and like during my pregnancy, my body is not my own.

But I've come to understand that it's okay, breastfeeding is all apart of my relationship with my son and I wouldn't have it any other way. And after all our hard work, after the many tears, frustrating moments and appointments, I've come to understand that my breastfeeding relationship is just between Edison and I. We get to choose how this relationship evolves, nobody else is apart of it, nobody else has a say, it's just us and I'm starting to gain the confidence I need to listen to just my son and block the rest of the world out.


So if Edison nurses too frequently for your liking, well tough! And if his latching to fall asleep or our frequent co sleeping isn't something you agree with, well I don't care. And if you think that my time is too valuable and shouldn't be spent on the couch with my son, then I'm here to tell you that you're wrong! I'm not listening to you doctors anymore who tell me that I'm doing it wrong because in my heart I know I'm doing it right for us.

I've decided that I'm only listening to my son from now on. My boy knows exactly what he needs and I believe he has the ability to tell me exactly what that is. I trust him! He has his own personality, his own likes and dislikes which aren't the same as every other infant. So I'll stop comparing him to every other infant and start realizing that he is his own and I'm his mother who loves him just as he is. Especially during his frequent late night feeds and the times he needs a snuggle and a long suckle because his gas bubbles are bothering him. Moments like these are passing by far too quickly and he'll eventually reject my milk for something else. So I'll hold onto my gassy son who has found a home at my breasts and treasure all these moments for as long as they will last. I may even nurse longer than I ever expected, I don't know. But since we have worked so hard at breastfeeding I feel that cutting him off at a certain age just because he reached that point isn't for us. This may make others uncomfortable and I guess I'm preparing myself for that but I'm quite certain that I'll be breastfeeding my son into his toddler years. But of course only if he wants it. I know I have my husbands support and that's all that matters.

So to my soon to be mommy friends please find confidence in yourself and trust in your child. Please realize that breastfeeding is hard for the majority of us and your baby may feed for what feels like all the time but that it's normal. And if you need encouragement and help then seek out a lactation specialist (Cloverdale public health is amazing!) or a post partum doula (I know a couple amazing ones too!) there is real support out there, I promise!
N.