Lamby

To the lady who gave my son his very first Easter stuffie, thank you.

This afternoon Cam and I were making our way through Superstore for our weekly grocery shop. This time around we knew we needed to get a few extra things. We knew that Edison's 12 month pants were getting tight so we searched through the clearance rack and we knew that Easter is coming up so we saw stuffies and Easter books marked down. "Perfect", we thought! "We can probably afford that."

We've felt convicted to trust God lately through the little things as well as the big things. We've come to realize that trusting our lives means trusting for daily needs and also wants. It means starting off the day with a heart of thankfulness and sticking to the goals we've put in place to get us through. So even with the knowledge of extra purchases we said, "only $100 today at the store. It's what we've got in cash already, we're trusting it to be sufficient today." And with that we collected what we needed from our list and proceeded to the cash register.

I was packing our groceries with Edison in the cart and Cam was at the till. The total was over our budgeted $100 and so we stuck to our goal and asked for the Easter items (Lamby and a book) to be taken off our bill. "That will be $98.97." "Perfect!" I thought, "I can always budget Easter things later when we have more of a cash flow."

Cam paid and then proceeded to help me pack our food when all the sudden Lamby was put in Edison's lap by the woman in line behind us. "For your boy", she said and I stood stunned. We thanked her over and over. With smiles and shocked faces we pushed our cart to the exit and tears welled up in my eyes, "she doesn't know us," I said to Cam. "She has no idea what our situation is, she has no idea who we are and yet she blessed us."

So thank you!!!!!!! From the bottom of this mommas heart. Your gesture was simple and maybe to you it was just a $7 stuffed animal but to us it means so much. To us it means we're being provided for, we're being thought of and we're all that much more grateful for it.

So welcome to our little family Lamby!!!


N.

The way things are

Life is inevitably full of thousands of different decisions, all meshing together and influencing one another. Nothing seems straight forward anymore and decisions no longer seem easy to make. Lately I've been terrified of making the wrong decisions, scared of putting our future in jeopardy, scared of not being able to achieve our dreams. But that's where faith comes in. I'm choosing to be faithful and trust in the midst of what feels so very overwhelming.

You're probably wondering what I'm talking about. So let me explain.

Cameron and I are very strong advocates when it comes to the power of education. We believe that when you're educated you have the ability to achieve the type of career you dream about. When you're educated you have choice, you have doors opened to you, you have the ability to do what you most want in life. So we chose to go after education for both Cameron and myself this year and that means all sorts of sacrifices.

This decision has not come lightly to us. We have a son, we have obligations and dreams to have more children sooner rather than later. And to some people (even friends) our decisions seem crazy, irresponsible, stupid and financially impossible.

But we aren't stupid. We have looked at our decisions at every possible angle. We take days (often weeks or months) to decide on something big like this. We crunch numbers, live off of cash from jars, keep track of our money in spending journals, budget every single penny, save in every way possible. We will be doing canning this spring, I'm learning to sew, we buy clearance, use points, compare prices, cut coupons, park the car and take the bus. We buy used, go to swap meets, diaper with cloth, watch out for sales, wait to make purchases and focus on the goals we've set forth for our family. We've put the credit cards away and take on extra shifts when necessary and show up at our parents dinner tables if we're really in need of a meal (that's welcomed by the way).

It's possible. Everything and anything is possible. The biggest and most important lesson in all this for us is having faith in God to meet our needs. Realizing we don't have to want and live according to society's impression of what is "right". We do not need stuff to be happy. As long as our needs are met we can choose to be content in the midst of the sacrifices we make now to obtain our goals later. Goals that include the careers we want, a home of our own, a big yard with a couple large dogs and children running around our feet.

Anything is possible if you set your mind to it and believe God has good things in store. I believe that more now than I ever have before.
N.

Feeding through the pain

Because I love my son and will do anything for him is why I've continued to breast feed. It's not to toot my own horn or to satisfy my mommy need. It's because he wants it and he gets to decide if we keep going. At least right now that's the truth of our breast feeding relationship. And I've got to tell you, right now it's hurting like hell.

I've been spending many months in pain. Like crazy pain. Like "give me back my horrible cramps or let me go through labour again" kind of pain. At least that type of cramping I can deal with, this stabby, burning, stinging, radiating pain I hate. No, I loath. I desperately want it to stop. It doesn't happen all day long but I get shoots of it frequently throughout the day and once Edison feeds on it I am guaranteed tremendous pain for hours afterwards. Every. Single. Time.

So I stopped feeding him on that side and instead I try to pump it. At least the pumping doesn't cause the pain (thank goodness). And I take Advil to help me so I'm not groping myself or constantly walking around braless.

This SUCKS and I want to quit. I want to say "no! Mommy all dried up." But then I look into those teary blue eyes wanting nothing more than the comfort and milk only I can supply. So I latch him another time and hope that some how, some way I'll get answers soon. Because it's far too long like this and has only gotten worse. Please, no more milk blisters, no more pain. I just want to feed my son and look into his eyes and hold onto the experience, the joy, the love that is this whole breast feeding adventure.

N.

Today...

There's a lot I could say but I think I want to just talk about how today I feel beautiful and humbled.

I have stretch marks, a "mommy tummy", shirts that won't fit, pants that are too small, a mind filled with cravings to eat nothing but the "junk". I have glasses that are crooked, teeth that need a dentist, toes that need polish, legs that need shaving. I have troubles with milk blisters (that hurt like hell), feet that hate socks, extraordinarily long hair that sheds and roseca all over my face. I have weird medical issues, "chicken skin", and squinty eyes and an interesting nose! I have eye brows that I don't care to pluck and celiac disease, the list can certainly go on...

But today I feel beautiful. Today I feel like God made me in His image and all those things are apart of who I am and I choose that I will embrace it all. I choose to love who I am in all the glory of who I get to be in Christ and that's an honour. That's grace. I am saved. I am worthy. I am a sinner. I am a mother. A wife. A teacher. I get to live this exact life in all the chaos it brings and in it I get to decide how to live and who to be and I chose to be me. In surrendered faith to the God who created me and gave me this life.

Feel beautiful today.
N.