a look at 2010

The tree is still bright in our living room, with the lights shining on our front window, stockings are still up and none of the Christmas decorations have been put away as of yet. Unfortunately however, Christmas has come and gone. It's always sad to me when the final gift has been given and opened, and the final moments of Christmas are over. I have so many fond memories of my childhood Christmas's that its sad to me that each year they continue to change. It's okay though, life keeps changing and Christmas is not exempt from the changes that occur. This past year has been an interesting year thats for sure...

I had started 2010 with intentions of going back to school, and I had! I did three classes from January to April at CBC towards my psychology BA there. I had completed two of those classes with an A and one with an A-, one of these classes being Adult Psychology and the other effective teaching, two classes that I was terrified to start that month.

I had started a job in an organization that I thought I could make my home, and my career in. Unforunately, bad experiences and the reality of what sacrifices it meant to succeed there made it unfit and I left after one two months of full time work there. However, through this I understood that ECE (preschool teacher and/or infant & toddler work) are for me! and I was determined to make a career out of something I loved, and looked forward to doing.

Cam had stayed landscaping this entire year, starting in Feburary and ending in December. A year that had its challenges with finances, but we learned to endure and make the best of our rescources. It was absolutely a year of learning and understanding for Cam, that he wants to persue horticulture as a career direction! being a landscaper has a held his passion and he wishes to make it his lifes work. 2011 will give him challenges in how to move forward in this step and choice, whether school is his best option.

We did some trips this year. One to Ontario in Feburary to hold our nephew Timothy for the first time! we were absolutely honored to be the guests in Jen and Dans home and see Timmy and Addison, play in the snow and go see the Niagra falls, it was gorgeous! We were also honored when they came in November here to BC to see Cams parents, (and us of course!). We also travelled to Winnipeg, Manatobia to see the family and to celebrate Colin and Jessica's wedding! (Cams younger brother). We were both in the wedding party and had such a blast there in the summer (we had previous been there December 2009, to meet our newest neice Ashley!).

Cam and I also had an adventure in August with almost buying a condo in Murrayville, it was one of those steps that we thought we could handle. But thankfully the Lord new that we were waaay over our heads and lead us away from the opportunity which meant walking away from the deal and back in the rental we were currently living in. We hope that soon we will be able to journey in the direction of owning a place of our own, but for now we are more than happy with our location and landlords.

We celebrated our 2nd anniversary this month as well (December 20th!) it was incredible to be aware that its been two years already that we've been together under the same roof, living as a family. I hope that every year gets better and better.

2011 will bring changes once again. I am going to school at Langley College, its not certain if I will be going full time the entire year, but I will be going full time January to June for certain (two semesters with one practicum). I am eager to see what will happen this next year, yet I am aware that it will feel like just a moments notice when I am back here writing about the year of 2011 and our hopes for 2012. I wish to savor every moment, and not wish away the year... everything happens when its meant to I believe.

So... here is a big *cheers* to 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

update & change of plans

I'm back! Jen mentioned when she was out here in November that she keeps checking to see if I have updated my blog yet... and then is sad when she sees that I haven't (now you'll have to comment on this post Jen so I know you've read it!)

Life has been kinda crazy since August (my last post) considering its December and two weeks away from Christmas, I have a lot to catch you up on, but most of you who read this already know about my life... so I guess its not so bad.

so 1st, I got the job at QMM, I started on September 13th and then I quit on November 10th. It is a long story why I quit, and if you honestly want to know the full story then just ask me. I don't want my personal details on that one to be lost in the orbit of the internet world. It is because of QMM and that experience that I decided that I really wanted a career that I know I would love, I thought, I prayed, I considered, I researched, I pondered, cried and came to the conculsion that ECE (early childhood education) was the route for me. I can go to school full time in the day (with one evening class) and finish my certificate, then finish my diploma at night while I work (after the certificate is complete) and then if I want, I can even take it into psychology to become a child psychologist OR I can continue at UFV and transfer my ECE into their Child and Youth Care BA and then keep going for a Masters degree in ECE. So there are SO many options it is unreal... so there will be so much that I can do with it! Im excited to start. I actually went to an orientation at Langley College on a Tuesday, went to their testing and interview process two days later on Thursday and was accepted that Monday for their January semester!!!! YAY me! I even got 96% on their entry exam!

Other than that.... Christmas is going to be awesome this year! We are going to spend equal time between Cams family and my family, its going to be different this year but thats okay! we finally get Brandon this time! he isn't in Germany this year like he was last year.

I think I will try to think of other things we've been up to and catch you up next time...the pic is taken from my sister-in-laws blog, my nephew Timothy and I. He is 11 months this month, I love that little guy! the only nephew I have (so far!).

N.

The White House is no more :'(

When I came to CBC in January of 2006, Cam was living in the Jones Street House on campus. I remember many cuddling nights on the couch in the living room, falling in love with the incredibly handsome man beside me. The next year he went into The White House and again, the memories are many of the year he lived in the room in the basement. How we played video games in the living room for hours and how although I was supposed to be outta the house by 11pm, I would usually stay till 1am or later. Our relationship unfolded in the walls of the houses on campus at Columbia Bible College... and, now they are no more.

This week both of the houses were demolished on campus to make way for the construction of the new dorm building project. And although Ive known for a few years that this project was going to take place, I had no idea that the photos of campus with the empty spaces of where those homes were would make me cry as hard as they have. Seeing the photos of the demolished house were there were so many precious memories made.... were I fell in love with my husband, makes me cry tears of serious sadness. I know that those houses are just the places where the memories were formed, but still.... its another part of our new reality that CBC will never be the same, that we have to move on. I am thrilled for the plans that we have for our future, I am thankful for the memories we made at CBC... but it still hurts, and I am allowing it to.

Man alive, I will be a basket case when they demolish the chapel that we got married in whenever it is that they do.

It feels like forever ago that I attended CBC, I miss it SO much! and I am SO thankful for everything that happened in those halls... in those homes, my life... I don't want to consider who and where I would be without those precious years at CBC.

we're home!!!!!!!!!!!

the wedding was fabulous! I had such a fun time... Being in the party was so much fun, the dresses were incredibly sexy, my hair looked honestly incredible and my makeup was done by Anthony, who was SO MUCH FUN! He called me sweetie and talked me into buying more product that I probably should have (of course!) but anyways...

I got the ball rolling on the paper work to be done to be officially a Quality Move Management Customer Service Rep. Im SO EXCITED! It just dawned on me that my CBC days are quite far behind me... I don't have my completed degree yet, but there is always the opportunity to go back and complete it. I may not get it done until Im quite a bit older... my focus is going to be entirely on this job. My priorities have shifted from "MUST HAVE A BA" to "want to succeed at the opportunities that present themself to me, set my family up for our future and work towards a home and a baby" I honestly didn't go searching for this job, my friend informed me of it and then I put in an application and BOOM I got it, with the effort of interviews of course. But I truly believe that God had His almighty hand in this one. I will focus on doing more courses in January, after I got training for QMM and understand the job more. This will help me focus on the job so I can pass the probation. The owner of QMM wants to meet me apparently to get to know me, the office is like an intimate family... just knowing that the owner of the company wants to know who I am, to me is a fantastic sign of a properly run company who cares about who works for them.

Honestly, I am SUPER EXCITED to go shopping for some heels and super awesome office wear :) Alissa, you in???

Tomorrow, Jason gets back from Mexico... he was on a missions trip doing plumbing and Im sure he saw some things that touched his heart. He has never been exposed to that type of culture before. Please pray for his safe return and that once he starts looking for a plumbing job here that he will become successful. He has been out of work in plumbing since May of 09, its quite devestating and he is coming into some real bad financial problems because of it.

N.

I GOT THE JOB!!!

I finally heard back from QMM today!!! and..... Christina said that she wanted to proceed in the steps to hiring me! Just some paper work and a background check and I will be on payroll :)

I am soooo excited for the opportunity, a little nervous cause I will have to train and all for two weeks and all I want is to do my best and do great at the job, pass the three month probation and work there for a while! I hope I love it.

I start either the end of August, or middle of September. Doesn't matter to me when, as long as I am on staff!

Im super happy tonight...

N.

it's sure been a stressful ride *sad face*

so... after some real hard pushing to make this condo thing happen, Cam and I realised that it's not going to happen and we decided to back out of the deal. We didn't get approved, because Cam's work is seasonal it just wasn't working out for the banks to give us the loan and we refuse to have a co-signer so this is the end.

And.... as sad as I truly am to say "goodbye" to it, I know in my heart that it's okay and that this is just not the right timing for us. I believe that God is saying "just not right now you two, trust me!" so because of the overwhelming peace, my heart is happy. I am honestly happy. I know that there is a perfect home for us to purchase one of these days, just not today.

We will try again next year, probably next summer/fall and that's okay. In the mean time we're going to make this awesome basement suite more like home...

Still no word from the QMM job... hopefully that news is good, but if its not, I still believe that God has His hands in it all and that the right job will present itself. I will just look like crazy once I get home from Winnipeg. Maybe starbucks! :) Maybe the library! :) or... who knows, maybe QMM! :)

N.

alrighty... update again!

So.... QMM decided that since they have been traveling all week for meetings, that they would put off hiring. SO! when I called and spoke to Christina, she said that she would be calling me back early next week, and asked me if I could hang in there! I feel that if they don't want me at all.... then they wouldn't have given me a second interview, I also believe then that they would have told me no right away, or even today would have just said "we're going in a different direction" therefore, I have confidence that I have a very good chance of getting it. But things aren't final until they are final and I get that phone call and my cubical :)

The job is an office job, its a customer service representative position. Lots of phone calling customers, lots of answering phones, lots of paper work... etc.. etc.. but I really feel like I could do it and I really feel like I'd love it! So... still crossing my fingers that I get it!

No condo news as of yet... but I keep googling for ideas for the kitchen and bathrooms for renos.

Alissa, I'd love for us to sit in a starbucks/Chapters and go thru magazines for ideas :) if we do get it then it won't be until the new year that we would start big renos, but paint would probably be something we'd do sooner than later.

so.... another update will be posted as soon as there is true news to celebrate! its just incredible to me how Cam and I have been praying over and over and over again for God to guide us, show us, move us into the direction that He has planned. It was tears and pain and frustration of seeing where we wanted to be but never feeling like we knew how to get there and then BANG this condo comes up and BANG I get a text message from Kailee about a job she thinks I'd be great for in her office that'd be perfect... and BANG all these things fit PERFECTLY into where Cam and I are right now... this is it, this condo is our home we can feel it and I feel the same way about this job. Its just incredible to me how God works and answers prayers.

And even how God as been showing me how anxiety has been ruling my life and that instead of crazy trying to diet and crazy trying to "fix" who I am, I instead just need to focus on Him and ask Him to help me get through this anxiety and seek out my true self in Him and learn how to treat my body and myself properly without the restrictions and pain of a super strict life. Im not happy that Im the heaviest that Ive ever been, but its just been this past month that Ive noticed it... and that I am understanding how I got here, I want to change but help change my perspective first to stop using food for comfort, to stop using it to hide behind.
WOW is life a journey! :)

N.

ANOTHER update! (for you Alissa Dueck cause you requested one!)

okay guys... SO I found out yesterday that the managers that had interviewed me have left for Alberta yesterday and are back on Friday, so Im quite sure from that news that they won't be calling me until Friday. Im actually working landscaping Friday so that cell is staying in my pocket all day long! If they don't call me by like 2pm or so than Im just going to call the office myself and ask for Christina and get the info cause its KILLING me to not know. But come on... how many peeps could they interview Monday?? Or even last week?? So I hopefully have a pretty good shot :) They are filling two spots too... as far as I know, I also know that one of the girls they interviewed before me they didn't like! SCORE! So as soon as I know, I will be posting!!! I also put in resumes to Starbucks and Coastcapital but... I would work at McDonalds for a while if I have to cause...

CAM AND I ARE BUYING A CONDO!!!! wahoooo!!!! in Murrayville, township of Langley!

http://www.realtylink.org/prop_search/Detail.cfm?areatitle=&ARPK=&ComID=&agentid=&MLS=F1014978&rowc=3&rowp=1&BCD=FV&imdp=116&RSPP=5&AIDL=911&SRTB=P_Price&ERTA=False&MNAGE=0&MXAGE=200&MNBT=0&MNBD=0&PTYTID=1&MNPRC=200000&MXPRC=900000&SCTP=RS

Above is the link to MLS... you can click and see photos! The deal isn't done yet, we're still trying to get our financing together and have to extend our subjects in order to do that so super fingers crossed that the seller will let us extend. They have accepted our offer so we just need to get approved and sign some papers and then September 1st we move in!! We are sure they will extend cause they need to sell it and we're the ONLY offer on the table. We LOVE it! It needs some serious love as you can see from the photos but Im already looking online for ideas and all that jazz. Even if I don't get the QMM job, we're still buying it. We are just going to make it work... we have a plan! Like my brilliant hubby has said "you need to fight for what you want, so lets fight hard for it!" and so we are.

So yes, the stressing??? I really want this job cause it will make our lives soooo much better in terms of us buying this condo and to have benefits and security is awesome! If I don't get it than its just another swamp of uncertanity and waiting for when I get a job wherever (including McDonalds) to make sure that mortgage payment is paid. Cam still has his job landscaping so we're not eating KD quite yet... but he is going back to school for landscape horticulture soon so thats another reason why I need a good enough job to handle paying the bills so Cam can go to school and get his degree to have a career in a field he LOVES! and will sustain our family when we have babies and Im off work and finishing my degree(s).

The stress comes from all the major decisions that need to be made in terms of our future! I guess we're taking a risk... but well, we figure if the going gets super tough and shit hits the fan we can always sell and start again. We won't know until we try!

N.

UPDATE! had another interview today!

so.... that first interview went really well. I was interviewed by only Christina who is one of the customer service manager type people. We got along really well I think and I felt really good coming out of the interview. It went for like a half hour!

I was then called for a second interview for today with another one of the boss people in the customer service department, I think this one went well. I was interviewed for a while and we both exchanged some laughs. I really hope that I made an impression cause I think the interview I had today is going to be the deciding factor...

They said they would let me know their decision by the end of next week... *fingers crossed* and many many prayers that I get it, I really REALLY want this job! It would be such a fantastic opportunity for me. If I don't get it however, I know that there will be something else for me to do and a different direction for me to go.

N.

job interview! gah....

today at 1pm I am interviewing for a job at one of the most popular moving compaines around the lower mainland and the rest of Canada (I had not heard of them prior to this interview however!) Quality Move Management is the company... they move major companies and other high end people like the Canucks :)

anyways... I have an interview for the customer service rep position, my good friend Kailee already works for them and has been promoted several times so I hope I can live up to the expectations they have of me cause of what Kailee has been saying.

The pay is good, I would get benefits for me and Cam again (finally) and its apparently an incredible company to work for (says Kailee) so Im super nervous but excited to give it a shot and try to get a good office job again...

all in Gods will right? I keep praying that its so... I know that if I don't get it, something else just as good will present itself.

PRAY FOR ME! :)

N.

so... Im going to go private with this thing... After I deleted it, I really did miss it and then began to think about all the things I could write about, and how this blog already contains a bunch of my life that I don't have documented anywhere else.

I just assumed that nobody read it... but then I got people asking me where it was, so I guess people do read it :) thats good to know!

Life has been interesting... I will post with more details, for now Im going to try and relax and spend some time praying before bed.

N.

we were just informed this morning about ten mintues ago that Grandma B had passed away earlier this morning. Today would be her 83rd birthday... We love you so very much Grandma B, have a happy birthday in paradise.

Tiena Balzer
July 11th, 1927 - July 11th, 2010

Out of respect to my mother-in-law I had taken off my post about my husbands grandmother and her diagnosis of cancer back in the earlier months of this year. It will be in the next few days that we will receive a phone call informing us that she has passed. Please keep my husband, his sisters, brother, parents and other beloved family members in mind as we remember a remarkable woman and member of our family. Grandma B, or Tiena Balzer as she was formally called, is a wonderful woman of God who loves her family... and adores her grandchildren and great grandchildren.

She had come out for our wedding in '08 and Cams graduation in '09, she will be incredibly missed by both Cameron and myself and of course the rest of the family.

WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA B... and we will see you again in heavenly glory.

tomorrow is the actual day... but today I woke up to discover streamers, balloons, and a 25 banner and paper on the wall that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIE! pink and purple roses, presents and my favorite Tim Hortons breakfast all set up! it was fabulous and super sweet of Cameron to put that all together. He is working tomorrow, so today he is making my day extra special... what a wonderful husband!

but tomorrow I will officially be 25!

that number has a bunch of different meanings to me... mostly there is symbolism in that number, that to me carries the reality of being an adult.
In highschool I thought that by the time I reached the age of twenty five I would own a home, have at least one child and be in a steady career, or in the midst of finishing a Masters Degree of some type. WOW! do things not exactly work out the way that they were initially planned. I got married when I knew I wanted to... 23 to be exact, and I am super happy that Cam came into my life when he did. He is my best friend and my everything.

I seem to get carried away that the expectations that I had put up for myself do not necessarily need to be fulfilled in the timeframe I gave myself when I was like thirteen. Its okay! Seriously, its okay! Life happens, shit happens! and figuring it all out so dramatically and perfectly in order to make sure every single avenue and piece of everything goes smoothly is impossible to handle. This I am realising. Its okay that I am not pregnant at this moment, that Im not living in a condo that Cam and I full out own. We will get there when we get there... and if shit happens along the way of meeting those goals, then we will work around it. All I wish for myself now, is to enjoy the ride of life and be happy and excited with every new adventure Cam and I step into...

I LOVE my life, I love my body and my spirit and my relationship with my most adored friends and most loving families (both Stehr and Kroeker) I LOVE my personality, dislikes and likes and big, opinionated mouth!
I Love that who I am is found in God...
I LOVE that I LOVE psychology and the motivation/drive I have to be someone someday in some sort of career, whether counselor or librarian

So... bring on twenty five! Im really eager to live out what it has in store!

Smiles and blesssings!
N. Stehr

this book by Geneen Roth has been inspirational to me... it has been apparent to me that I obviously have an eating disorder. It is not anorexia or bulemia, instead it is the obessive need to drown myself in overeating and starving and depriving myself, hating myself, loathing the person that I am and trying so desperately to fix it, to "fix" me.

I saw this books author on tv and it became very clear to me that I NEEDED with such a desperate plea to read that book... I remember being in the state of mind that said "you have to read that book Nicole, you must read it! freedom from all this shit may actually come from the psychology in that book" and well, it did in certain terms.

I read it with the knowledge that this woman is not a christian, she does not talk about Jesus or calvary, she does not speak about how Christ is the savior of the world and that through treating ourselves like temples we live out Gods plan. No, I am sorry this book is something different, what may be defined as "new age" if people may place it there... it is helpful... and I ABSOLUTELY recommend it to every woman. Not everyone may get the experience that I have gotten from it, but I believe that every woman who has learned to believe she is "fat, unworthy, left behind, unwanted" and has convinced themselves that they "aren't lovable" those women NEED to find themselves again... they do, absolutely deserve to love themselves, all of themselves, even the jiggly parts of themselves :)

Since reading most of this book (I have a few chapters left) I am glad to be in a place of examining how I react to food, to my own emotions, to my choices... I am listening to my body and understanding a heck of a lot about past experiences that got me here. To the place of loathing everything about myself. FINALLY I love my body, I think I am sexy and desirable and I can FINALLY see what my husband sees in me when I am naked. I have been in shitty past relationships... but the beauty of this book has helped me to realise that nothing defines me but me.. and the choices I make and how I want to be, and I loooove that. And the icecream that I used to drown my sorrows in, the cookies and anything else that I could get my hands is not needed anymore. I am finally whole and lovable and worthy and sexy and I see that in myself and I am starting to listen to my body and what it needs and wants... ironically what it wants isn't icecream all along, instead it's nourishment and love and movement.

Praise God! :)

hello hello! so things around here have finally calmed down, so much so that I don't know what to do with myself most days. I am only working two days a week so far... which is kind of nerve racking since my pay cheque is supposed to be helping pay for my schooling, but Im making a lot more than I would if I was to go and apply at Starbucks or a bank. So... I guess we will just have to wait and see how it goes, its apparently the start of the maintenance season, so there will be work... eventually!

The surprise party that us Kroeker kids threw was a HUGE success! it was so fabulous, I am so happy and proud of my husband and brothers and I. We had twenty people all together including ourselves and our parents. All of their close friends, and all from their several walks of life (old neighbourhood, bible study, dads brother & fiance and friends from waaaaay back) it was so much fun to surprise them like that, they literally had noooo idea! So we were all thrilled with how everything turned out. THANK YOU HERB & LYNN AND ROD & KAREN for taking my parents out so that we could surprise them! that means a lot to us :)
so I finally decided (with the help of cameron of course) that I will finish my BA in December of 2011, instead of April 2011. This is so that I can just enjoy my life... enjoy my school, and with only seven credit hours left to do in September 2011-December 2011 it really won't affect much of my life (the schooling) so that I can still work and Cam and I can still move on with plans that we have for us. As well, this means that we won't be putting so much of our finances into school and can now have more freedom to save up for a home, among other things. I feel very peaceful about this decision and am actually really excited for the internship opportunities I have. My sexual ethics class... although painful to be in (the class is difficult emotionally) really sparked my interest in women being abused, either sexually or emotionally and my wanting to work with them. I still want to talk to the teacher of the class and ask her some questions and maybe for some guidence on what I could do for an internship and where I could go, what compainies I could work for... etc... but even though I keep getting really scared to be a counselor and I keep trying different routes to be something else, I ALWAYS comes back to the same thing... counseling as the way for me to go. Im not as scared anymore... Im just more excited to finish my BA, although the thought of walking across that stage in a blue gown makes me think that the moment that moment is over I will be a grown up! hahaha, its silly cause I am a grown up and I will be 26 when I graduate, but still... once that part of my life is over, then the next thing is kids and a house!! and a masters degree which leads to a career, and to me... thats part of the definition of grown up!

blessings!
N stehr.

so... I was in bed the other day watching Joyce Meyers (she is FABULOUS!) and guess what happened?! A HUUUUUGE spider came crawling towards me on my blanket!!!! it was soooooo gross, I freaked and smacked it with my journal (that I was taking notes with) which then fell onto the ground, where I grabbed my fat psych text and placed it ontop of it so it wouldn't get away. I then came out to the kitchen and text messaged Cam... but then a monster fly flew into my face! I wanted to cry... and what did Cam do? Texted me back laughing.

I need to get out and work full time... even the crazy huge/giant bugs in my house say so!

Good News! Got work for tomorrow AND Friday, and then hopefully start full time in May! yippeeeee....

ps. we booked our flights for Winnipeg with a seat sale (score!) its actually the best seat sale Ive seen in a looong time so Im thrilled... we're leaving here August 7th at 11am so we'll land there at 7:44pm (stuck in Edmonton for four hours, maybe we'll hit the mall... heehee)

these past two weekends have been CRAZY! ... my little brother Brandon (not really little, he is now 6 feet 5) came home from Germany, where he was for the past eight months! Its crazy to think that he was gone and now he is back. weeeeird. Anyways... he came home on Jasons (my other little brother who isn't so little) 23rd birthday, so we did a dinner for Jason on the 9th, then a big breakfast on the 10th and then DQ that night as well for Brandons home celebration!!!! Then the 11th we went out with Jared and Katherine, it was good times had by all! That was just THAT weekend.... THEN this weekend, on the 16th we went to the Newsboys concert, it was FABULOUS! our seats were killer, they were perfect! Michael Tait is the lead singer and I kid you not that he was literally singing on stage three feet infront of me, and I was in the 22nd row on the floor. They had a catwalk and they played a bunch of songs at the end of the catwalk! soooooo cool! Not going to lie, I wanted to reach out and touch him... but I was too chicken (I totally could have touched him too!). That was Jasons birthday gift from all us kids, we then went to Mr. Mikes for dinner afterwards (at like 9:30pm) but that place is AMAZING for burgers... like seriously AMAZING!!! Cam is calling it our new favorite place (our previous fave was White Spot) so I think Mr. Mikes will be on the menu very soon once again! Then on the 17th it was my very amazing, handsome husbands 29th birthday! I can't believe that my hubby is 29!!!!!!! I remember throwing him a 25th b-day pizza party back in our CBC days and now I AM going to be 25 THIS july! eeeeekkk.... time flies by sooooo fast!!!!!! But that day, although it was our friends grad, from the festivities on the night prior, we decided to let Cam have a lazy morning, he opened his gift from me, a gift card to Home Depot so he can buy gardening tools (im clueless with that stuff) and a four pack of Guiness beer! mmmm....... then we went to Subway for his birday lunch and then Home Depot so that he could grab what he wanted (I kinda chuckled at the fact that he chose Martha Stewart gardening tools) and then it was to the mall where we caught up with my brothers, hung out and then to the PUB!!!! for the hockey game where the Canucks LOST :'( . Then on the 18th (yesterday) it was dinner for Cams birthday at my parents house where he chose meatloaf of all things... with hedgehog flavored cake! yuuuummy and wine! :)

So there you have it... my goodness this month has been FULL of fun... now its time to relax. I started landscaping on the 16th and truly LOVED it. It is nothing like IGA, I am outside, I have no customers to deal with, and its the same shift every single day with weekends off! but I am maitenance and that hasn't started up full swing yet.. so Im just waiting until I can pick up more hours which should be sometime in May! yippeee. for the blessing of work.

Hubby is home :)
N Stehr

my mother always told me that once I put my mind to something, I accomplish it. So, graduating from CBC is no exception! I technically have three semesters worth of classes left to do, once I get my grades back for the three classes I just finished (well technically I still have one final in adult psych to finish, due Friday, and THEN I will be offically done these classes).

So there were two options:
1. take three semesters to finish school and graduate December 2011
OR
2. work like crazy and do distance education and finish for April 2011

I took #2 as the game plan!

SO... the game plan is this: I am currently enrolled in Sexual Ethics class from April 26th to April 30th, this is a one credit modular class that goes from 1-4pm for just those five days. I will have a major paper due for it in May, but all the classes are done in that five day time span.

THEN...
I start distance education from a University in Alberta, Athabasca. I am already registered and accepted into their Cognitve Psychology class starting May 1st. I will also register and start their Social Psychology class starting June 1st. I have six months from the start date to complete these courses.... so Im not worried, but the goal is to work hard this summer and complete them before I go to Harrison Hot Springs in September.

THEN...
I have a 14 credit semester in September, followed by another 14 credit semester in January, while doing distance education through Athabasca again for the English Literature that I need to make sure is complete by August 2011...

THEN...
I will have to do my bible/theology level 3/4 class as either another distance education through Briercrest that summer OR as a two week modular through CBC at the end of April along with my internship (to be done by the end of August) to recieve my Bachelor of Arts degree. BUT I will get to walk across the stage and all that April 2011!!!!!!!

Sound complicated and hard??? ummm.... YEP! hahahaha.... but Im determined to get it done and to be successful and graduate with friends in April 2011. That way I can work throughout the summer and fall and figure out from there where and when and if I want to continue into a Masters Degree...
My most recent thought process is slowly doing distance education through Athabasca for a Masters in Counseling Psychology, I can just take my time, work, have babies! and all that jazz while still working towards my future career.

I had an awesome half hour talk with my pscyh prof about all my options and my fears (he is currently working on his Ph.d in psych)... he said that its interesting how fearful and worried I am about counseling when I am not even trained yet to do it... he is right! and well, Im starting to tell myself and realise that honestly, I can do anything!!! and be anything, and be good at it!!! I just need to work hard for it.

take care! need to run out and grab groceries for the hubby....
N Stehr.

WAHHOOOOO!!!!!!.... remember that adult psych research paper that I was stressing out about? My very first psych research paper that I needed to write?! Well, I got my grade back!

I GOT 96%!!!!!!!!

Im beyond excited, this brings my grade up to a 89% which is an A :)

Thanks for all the support and helpful advice that friends and family have sent my way!

N Stehr.

hello hello! things have been great these days... last night Cam and I attended the awards ceremony at Columbia Bible College. I was awarded the John Schmidt Bursary which made me almost burst into tears (actually I did when I found out that was the one I got!) it has a special place in my heart because a couple years ago John and Erna Schmidt were my counselors. I had spent at last a year and a half talking to John about everything under the sun, he was an incredibly gifted man. God used in him incredible ways to touch my life and the lives of others all over campus. So when Cam called me months before our wedding that John had passed away, it was incredibly difficult, I couldn't even attend his funeral because I had a shift at IGA I couldn't get rid of. But I am grateful, so very grateful for his life, his influence, and now this award. It was an honor... and very fitting, I think.

I have been thinking a lot lately, (this is what I do!) and have come to the conclusion that I really just need to focus on God and not on the other things that have been flooding my mind. Cam told me the other day that Im so much like my dad because I am always paranoid... this is true! heehee... but I have been taught a lot these days. God has really influenced me in personal ways. Like the call and revelation to truly take care of myself, so... this is what I am doing. FINALLY! and Im glad to do it. Ive also decided to take a break from school after CBC is done. I have more to finish than I had thought previously, so Im looking into distance ed so that I can finish a lot more quickly. I hope to get a job in a library when Im out (fingers crossed, apparently its next to impossible to get in if you don't have a resource to get you in, but Im confident that if Im meant to get in there, God will find a way) or in a bank. This way I can gain enough hours to go on maternity leave for the first time... SO... hopefully Cam and I will be starting our family soon after CBC is done :D which is all I want at this point in time.

I hope to then consider a masters degree either with distance ed, or if I can find an appropriate course here at a university that accepts CBC graduation credits. I still have no clue what to do, but right now... after intense and serious prayer, counseling is not my absolute direction. I am going to continue to consider it, among other things. Keeping my heart, and mind open for the correct direction God wants me to go. But I believe that just cause I want to start my family sooner than later, does not mean that I won't be successful in my educational goals and career goals, whatever they end up being. Things may change though... I guess it all depends where Cam and I are after CBC is done. Im just starting to realise that the money I could make with a career after a masters degree is not as important to me as having a family, and living my life with my husband. So, whether or not we buy a home next year or the year after, or whether or not we can't make it to Cancun before our first child comes, it doesn't matter at all! Because God will take care of us, we will have each other and that's really all I want anyways! :)

so **cheers** to Godly revelations.
N Stehr.

so this whole "what do I wanna be when I grow up thing" is KILLING me... not literally might I add, just metaphorically. I am going to finish my BA from CBC, thats a no brainer. Plus I got a bursary for $1000 from the CBC scholarship committee! YIPPPEEEE! But the question is.... what do I do afterwards?! Like seriously!!

These are what I view as my options:

* have a baby!
* take a little break & try to find a good job for awhile
* apply and finish a two year masters degree at Trinity (if accepted) in Counseling Psychology
* apply and finish a two year masters degree at UBC (if accepted) in Library Sciences
* apply and move to Ontario to finish a one year masters degree (if accepted) in Library Sciences
* throw my options in the air and get God to decide for me

hahahaha... its not just me either, Cam is struggling with what he wants to do as well. So please pray for us, that God leads us in the correct direction and that His will is done in regards to our career choices and that we aren't just deciding our future based on yearly income, or the fact that we never want to move anywhere. That instead, we base our future and schooling on where God wants us to end up.

This is sooo damn hard to figure out!

N&C Stehr.

So this is just a taste of our Ontario trip! I hope that you enjoy the pics, we had such a great time and are sad that it ended so soon. Trips like this one always seem to end so soon, especially when you're having such a great time with family you never get to see. Bonding with Addison and holding/cuddling Timothy was the highlight of my time there. Although Niagara Falls was such a great experience as well. Cam and I are happy to be home safe and sound with the sunny weather (there was some serious snow in Ontario) as well as in our nice and super comfy bed! No other bed compares to ours!!!! but anyways! I am super psyched to say that I will for sure be working landscaping with Cam this summer. I get to have my weekends off garanteed (not something Ive had the privledge of these past two summers) and I will get to work outside in the dirt and get some color! In August however, I will be putting out resumes for work I can do alongside school once that comes along in September. This year is turning out to be great! :) Blessings!

well... we made it safe and sound to Ontario, already went to see the Niagara falls last Saturday, wow time flies! It was gorgeous! I will post pics once I am on my own computer at home, but the ice and snow all around the falls made it the most beautiful site to see. And the tourist shops around the falls were fun as well, we ventured into the Hershey chocolate store, the fudge shop and the coke store. It was incredible to know that just a few feet away on the other side of the falls was New York! I saw New York! only I was the only one with my passport so we didn't walk across the bridge to visit the USA side. That made me really sad, so instead of stating that I had been in New York I can only say that I had seen New York. But I have a plan, that next time we come here to Ontario for a visit we will make it two weeks so we can spend one week here with the family and then the other week we will rent a car and drive the eight hours to New York City!!!!! I'm psyched to plan that trip, won't happen for a few years though.

Timmy is the most adorable little baby boy. I keep telling him that he is my favorite nephew, because he is the only one I have, so far! He seriously makes me want to have a house full of boys someday, even though Cam still wants a baby girl to throw into the mix for fun. He is so much fun to cuddle and carry around, since babysitting him a few times already this week I feel much more confident in my abilities. Should be fun when that time of life starts.

Ive started researching for my paper already today, and Lindsay you sure are right about the amount of information there is out there. I have narrowed my topic down to anxiety sensitivity in development. I am very curious once I start diving into the journal articles, what I will find and how I will narrow down the subject even further. If I receive a good grade, then I will post the paper for you all to read if you're interested. I'm always protective of my work, kind of nervous about how others will respond to it. I need to get over that if I'm to move on in school.

Jen, my sister in law has got me thinking about being a librarian. Although the psychology counselling degree at Trinity still has my attention. I was looking into it further the other day and for some reason it doesn't feel as intimidating as it did a few months ago. But who knows what direction I will end up going, if any at all. It's just so overwhelming to me. I want a career, that's for sure. But decisions like this are always so difficult to make.

Time for some grub! I hear Jen juggling pots and pans downstairs. My diet has been tossed out the window this past month... I am very disappointed in myself, and still feel very sick on a daily basis. I don't know what to do to kick myself into gear, but I hope that I can keep fighting hard to be healthy, especially since my IBS symptoms are returning with vengeance.

Blessings from Ontario! :)

The homework is getting done so that the trip to Ontario can be filled with lots and lots of family boding time! :) But the reality of my adult psychology research paper being due eight days after we get home from the trip is going to be hard for me to swallow while Im there. SO... Im going to have to start researching online at their place to ease my panic and get a good start on my thesis. Im planning to do the topic of either mood disorders with a concentration on anxiety or premenopause and how the symptoms can affect everyday life. Anyone have any other ideas? Or good research sites and resources?

Other than school being fabulous, things around here are great. Cam is working on a regular basis which is such a praise item for us. However, the hours he works each day are not full time so that is still a need for prayer. I do have an important prayer item that involves my sister in law Jen, her husband Dan and their new son Timothy who we are visiting in Ontario next week.

Timothy may have cystic fibrosis, the doctors tried a sweat test on him and the results came back inconclusive so now we have to wait until Tim is two months old for his next test. There is no family history of cystic fibrosis on either side of the families so we are in high hopes that the test comes back negative and that little Timmy is okay. Please pray that he is completely healthy and that when Tim is tested in March again, that the results are good. Thank you, we all appreciate it.

until next time... blessings!

Im reading by far one of the BEST books that Ive read in a looong time. Its called The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. She is a psychotherapist and is brilliant! And after Im done with this book (which Im reading for conflict management class) Im going to go searching to buy it and others by her. I believe that every single married woman needs to read this book! Im serious... it is profound the revelations that have come from reading it. I have two chapters left to read and I just picked it up on thursday morning. When Im done, I need to write a book report on it and Im actually really excited to do it. One of the most profound things Ive learned about myself, which may be obvious to others but was apparently oblivious to me, is that I am responsible for myself, for my own desires, my own behaviors, my own wants and needs. And only I can see them come to pass. Cam is not responsible for me... I am responsible for me! And anger usually results from not taking responsibility for ones self but placing that responsibility on another and blaming the other. So yes... only I am responsible for my health and happiness! Who knew?!

First off, just because I changed the blog name DOES NOT mean Im pregnant! Im not! at least as far as I know Im not! so no jumping to conclusions here!... please. No baby Stehr, at least its not in the plans anytime soon. Cam and I both kinda just came up with a new name, I didn't really like the other name, and Im not convinced that this is a good one either. It'll do for now though.

So whats been up lately!? School is going really good. I am actually learning a whole lot in my conflict management class. It is such an eye opener to some of the conflict I have experienced over this past year (and more). The serious, heart breaking type of conflict. This is information that every single person should learn and practice. It is amazing how most of it just makes sense, well... until you are living in the conflict and resort back to your habiats. But still... common goals or different goals and percieved interferences are the source to every conflict! yep... its true! If you want to read my text book after Im done with the class, then I will for sure lend it to you. Or call me up for a coffee if you wanna talk about it. However, that text book cost me over a hundred dollars, so I'll want it back! :P

I saw Gay Lynn Voth on Monday! she is one of my former teachers, and one of the best! My first semester of CBC, Cam and I took her theology class and it was AWESOME! I must say that my mind does not think too well when it comes to post-modern stuff and theology. But her ethnics class was incredible and I got a super good grade on that big paper. It was just awesome! Apparently way back I wrote a bit about her on this blog, and well, she found it! heeheehee... so she just was saying how kind it was for me to mention her on my blog and that I said some really nice things. Awwww!!! Gay Lynn I sure hope you come back to campus more often! (if you ever find this blog again!) Her husband is having his last chemo treatment, I don't know what cancer he is suffering from. Please pray for him and his recovery.

I know I must say it a lot, but Im truly MOST happy when Im in the classroom. When Im being educated. I have no idea where that came from, but it is absolutely one of my most favorite things. Even studying for my adult psych tests are so much fun! (minus the tension headaches). You know when you think you've found what you're called to do? Or where you just know you're called to be? I got that when Im in the classroom learning psych and working towards the goal. I dunno... it just consumes me. Kinda strange, yet, kinda completely overwhelming, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Im actually doing really well in psych too... Im getting high A's on my assignments so far! Im just so excited, its hard to explain.

Well... I caved, again! blah! I had some Red Robins tonight and pizza last night. gross Im feeling really ill, I really can't digest high fat food very well. I sure hope that I can get my act together and seriously commit to this thing. I really want to. The thought of me wearing a size eight dress to some of the weddings this summer just makes me smile so big! O, you know, and the health part about it is good too! heehee.

blessings all!

O... and please keep Timmy, my new nephew in your prayers. It's important. Thanks.

PRAISE GOD!!!! our car is now running... Cam and his dad fixed it for under $15! wahooooo... it is totally worth it to have a hubby who loves to tinker with the car. Did NOT know that about him until after we were married. Now, the pile of homework awaits me... a 5 page reflection paper for conflict management (awesome class!), along with studying for the first test in that class as well, a test tomorrow in adult psychology along with reading chapter three and a journal article and answering questions for the following week, as well as a book report and oral presentation for effective teaching along with the required weekly reading, then I need to pick out a journal article myself for adult pscyh and present it to the class. AHHHH!!!! thats lots... and I need to get started on some things due in February so Im ok to go to Ontario. I guess its lots of coffee and staying in the house for this week!

My diet is getting really difficult right now, Its like Im fighting with myself to stay on track... its always hard I think when you try and change. No matter where the change takes place in a persons life... its very easy to resist. But I like what my mom talked to me about... she said that no matter how many times I fall down, its making the decision to stand back up and get back on the right path that matters, that the decisions I make, and the committments I make mean more than the feelings and emotions I experience. I thought that was great advice, no matter what circumstance in life.

so... heres to getting out the yogurt and getting back on track! :)
blessings!

On friday it was my mothers 50th birthday!!! and it was soooo much fun to make her dinner, and even her cake! we had indian food, she wanted something that she never makes, and she never makes indian food! It actually turned out real well... I was very impressed with how everything tasted. And Im glad that she liked it a lot... consdering it was very spicy. I also went to the dollar store to buy a bunch of 50 decorations! so my place was very "festive" for the occasion. Now the decorations are down and waiting for dads 50th in February!


mommy enjoying her time waiting for the rice to cook on the stove! apparently white and brown rice have very different cooking times! hahhahah..... I thought it would just take a few mintues more, turns out that few minutes was a bit bigger! haahahah.... know now for next time.


Here I am trying to make sure the butter chicken is all cooked up and delicious! I always love to throw in some cashews and ripe tomatoes to keep it fresh. Not as good as White Spots, but it was goooooood!


Things otherwise are great! Other than our stupid car not starting, cam and his dad are trying to make it work now. All I wanna do is eat the cake in my fridge and cry cause if we can't get that car started, we're in a real pickle since I need to get to school in Abbostford and we can't afford to fix it at a professional mechanics. Please please PLEASE pray for us! we desperately NEED cam to get back to work soon, and there just isn't some right now.... we have faith, but its definitely being tested. Thanks guys! you're the best!

Being at school right now is like a dream come true! I can't believe how natural it feels for me to sit in the classroom and learn. If you would have told me in highschool that seven years from now I would be in college and about to complete a degree in psychology... I'd probably laugh! Well, and maybe cry a bit. When I was in highschool, I wasn't big on the school thing, I thought I was too stupid and didn't think that science was my "thing". Now, being 24, and being serious about my education and seeing where it could potentially take me, I am completely motivated and have a completely different mindset. I think that in highschool, sometimes we are too immature to understand how valuable education can be. Or, we just don't believe it's our "thing".

Yesterday, while doing my effective teaching homework, I was reading an article on teaching. It was such an inspirational article. Not because I want to teach (I actually don't believe I will, ever!) but because what the author spoke of about his journey through his education helped me to understand mine. When I first got to CBC I thought that my focus was going to be school work and only school work. There are SO many distractions when you live on campus, work a little part-time, visit your family on some weekends and have roomates who become your best of friends. School and the plans you had set out kind of get set on the back burner. Don't get me wrong they are still evident, but none-the-less... are pushed aside when a snow ball fight is happening outside and you have a chapter of psychology to finish reading.

This year is already different, I am taking classes slow with only starting out with the three. I believe that if I acted like this in highschool I would have been a lot more successful, but probably would have also been "the geek". Trying to comfort Cindy at the lunch table on Wednesday about our adult psychology class in proclaiming that "I already read the first two chapters and they are great!". Didn't help out any! Neither for me, or Cindy!

I guess, I feel like when I am in the classroom, when I have the most interesting subjects to read and study... I feel most happy, and most like myself. I feel like I have finally captured apart of me that I never knew existed, and I am thrilled about it. Am I scared about what potential career is out there? Heck yes! but I am confident now in my abilities and I am growing through the process of being educated, and I think thats an incredibly amazing thing. I think I will always strive to learn, and to take classes, no matter what the subject is.

So... here goes nothing! I will give it my all, and I will believe in myself while I finish. I can't wait to wear the blue robe and get that BA! :)

So here is the start of 2010! The first 4 days have been alright, the Christmas decorations have come down, and we have ventured out of the house a few times to use some gift cards and go grocery shopping (the first time in about a month). Like my pal Kortney, I find it kinda corny that when the new year rolls around a bunch of people make resolutions! I will admit though, that I make them too! I actually appreciate making goals, even if they end up forgotten. I find it important in my own life. If I make goals then I feel like there is some sort of direction. If there is direction then I feel like I am making progress in my life.

So... as corny as it is, here are my and our 2010 goals

Nicoles 2010 personal goals:

* finish and succeed in my Sureslim program. This means reaching my goal weight by my birthday, July 5th. And then learning to maintain this weight with a practical strategy I can continue for the rest of my life. This is also to help me get past my emotional eating troubles

* do my best in school and succeed in my classes and assignments. My husband today said that I will do fine and that I always work at each assignment with my full heart and attention. In this goal I will also need to learn to balance my anxiety and not let it get the best of me, especially with the new professor I will have in Adult Psychology. My hope is to graduate CBC with an A average, but we'll have to wait and see if that happens. I won't kill myself over a grade... but I'd like to have options when I graduate.

* be the best wife I can be. This goal is very special to me, its not that I feel like Im a bad wife its just that I know that I can always be better. Specifically to pray for Cameron and support him in all decisions and ventures. As well, to be submissive to him and give up my overwhelming need to control all situations. To give him the space to thrive as the leader of our home and our family, and to hope and pray that he succeeds in living the role that God has laid out for him.

* to be a better friend. This past year I have felt that my life has gotten in the way of my social life. I know that sounds retarded, and yes, I did see majority of my friends regularly. But I feel as though I have not participated as much as I should have in some of my most cherished friendships. I feel as though I have let the stresses of life, circumstances, and distance come between me and opportunities for me to develop even deeper relationships with some of my most beloved friends. I hope this year will bring freedom and a drive for me to invest more of my time and myself into the people I love.

* to find, attend and be apart of a home church and to grow deeper in my relationship and understanding of God.

Stehr family 2010 goals:

* save earnestly for a down payment on a house. We aren't planning to buy in 2010, but we are planning to look, save and research our options in 2010.

* find, attend, and be apart of a home church.

* save earnestly again for a vacation away to a hot destination! This would be intended as a "second honeymoon" for before I get pregnant.

* As Cam stated at our anniversary dinner: "to NOT get pregnant" (the getting pregnant will probably be a goal for 2011/2012)

* maybe we can get a new couch! hahahaha... an ikea couch! Pretty much making our house pretty and getting some pictures on the walls. O, and buy a futon, we really want a futon for our "study"/storage/laundry room.

* to unplug our cable and learn to do other things that don't involve watching tv or being on the computer. Hopefully this will develop opportunities in our marriage and help us thrive in our hobbies that we normally ignore. This however will not effect our Big Bang Theory/House dinner date with Jason and Dave.

so there you have it! our goals for 2010. Im really excited for what this new year is going to bring and what adventures Cam and I are both going to face, together and separate. Landscaping is going to be interesting... and a huge need in prayer that this landscaping year is going to be successful so that our income is successful!

Winnipeg is going to be SO exciting! That trip is going to be so much fun! I am thrilled to have Jessica be apart of our family! She is going to be the next Mrs. Stehr, so I won't be alone! hahahaha.... the trip itself is going to be such a blast and since Cam and I are apart of the wedding party we get to be front row and centre to all the fun!!!!

Actually there are five weddings happening this summer, all people that were at our wedding and all friends that are significant. I have no clue if we're invited to all the weddings, but I know for sure that we're going to two. The friends and the dates? Tanya & Cameron on May 8th, Katherine & Jared on July 17th, Leigh-Ann & Ryan on July 31st, Jessica & Colin on August 14th, and Traci & Dayne on August 21st. Yep, thats a lot!

So this new year, is going to be full of change but hopefully its going to be the kind of year we get to remember on December 31st as one full of fun, love, opportunities and growth.

Bring it on 2010!!!!