on Sunday, as I called my fiance on the phone to give him a heads up that I was just about to jump in the car and take off for his place unannounced. He told me that my prayer counselor, John Schmidt has passed away that morning. I immediately stopped being happy, I stopped talking and with tears streaming down my face asked to call him back. I sat there staring at the wall and memories of sitting in his office with his wife Erna, and them loving me like grandparents, praying for me, giving me advice, guiding me through prayers against bondage came flooding back. I loved John like a friend and grandfather. He was such an incredible man of God, so I know he must be overjoyed to be home with the Lord. But he was also the one who started to help me find myself again and get back to the place I most desperately needed to be with God. He was the one who spoke words of wisdom and most cherished inspiration into my life. I appreciated this man, I respected this man, and now he is gone, and I am sad.
So please pray for Erna, her children and her grandchildren who are experiencing this loss. I never knew he was sick, he didn't tell anyone. They kept it low-key, praying for healing. Now I can understand that he prayed really diligently for me in regards to healing, he understood what sickness felt like.

CBC most definitely won't be the same without him.

so Im back into the swing of things with wedding planning... the list is LONG with things that Cam and I have to accomplish, agree on, design, people to meet with. BAAAAAA!!!! we came up with an amazing and super creative design for our invitations and I LOVE how both of us over tea at Timmies yesterday came up with it. Im NOT telling what its going to look like, but Im super excited to make up a "tester" and then order the paper from Traci's mom.
Another super wedding find... I think that I just came across my bouquet! I LOVE this bouquet, I need to show it to Cam tonight (hopefully I see him) and see what he things (I mean, he IS the flower expert here) but its gorgeous! My goal, is to make the centerpieces, bouquets and invitations concrete in their design and color schemes. THEN I will continue my planning with everything else around them to make sure it all flows, I need one thing as "inspiration" and then have everything else come out from that. Then my mind will stop spinning with all the ideas and ways that I could do everything separately. So if I get this bouquet, does that mean that navy blue is in the color scheme? Im not sure yet! but I do know that Cam will laugh if I ask him. But I can tell you for sure that Lavender and Chocolate Brown are! And even little gold accents, but I think Im going away from the Gold being dominant and more "appearing here and there" YAY! Im SUPER HAPPY to be back into the fun of wedding planning, seriously I see it all in my mind, I can't wait for this magical day to come :)

hello all! well, my week has been interesting to say the least. I started at my new job on Monday, IGA again! only this time its at the Cloverdale IGA so those of you who know where that is I welcome you come in and say "hi". I know the job well, Ive done it before and I really don't mind the cashiering. Its that I have never actually worked 40 a week that will take some getting used to. That and the absence from Cam. Its such an adjustment going from living next door and being able to see him all the time to only a couple days a week for a couple hours. Definitely NOT acceptable, this is making me super impatient for the wedding to come, I just want him all to myself already!!

However, this adjustment is also making me look twice at myself and some things. I mean its hard, its really hard for me to understand some things that just seem so simple, I seem to complicate (all the time!) but its such a learning process and I am soooo grateful for Cam. I am super happy and in love with him, what a blessing! I can't wait!

Ive been putting off the amount of work that needs to get done around me. The bathroom needs cleaning, my room as well, I need to organize and repack all my stuff for moving in December, I need to get all the wedding planning done. And things sorted out with that, I have so many appointments to make and not so much time to get it all done it. AND the STUPID doctors office is stupid and I still don't have a gynecologist appointment even though Ive been calling them about it (I think Im bugging them too!). That needs to get itself sorted and Im looking for a new doctor! EEEKKKKKKkkkkk.....
Okay, the list needs to get shorter... well, I at least need to start making the list first, that will get done tomorrow!

Other than all of this... life is good! and I am thankful for every moment of it. Praise the Lord for His grace.

Its the end of the year and it hasn't really hit me yet that tomorrow, Im packing up the van and moving home. My roommates are dealing with a different experience than me. They are graduating! and I am SUPER PROUD of them... but not me, I have three more semesters left. For me, this is a different experience. I will leave my apartment, I will leave campus tomorrow as a relatively single, 22 year old student who has had a tremendously challenging and incredible year. Now, the next time I walk onto this campus, I will be a 23 year old, married, house wife! WOW! My life will look COMPLETELY different the next time I walk onto campus, the next time I come to this part of "town" to call home again. Cam will no longer be my neighbor, he will be my husband! And I will no longer share a home with girls, no longer will there be sleep-over like times and staying up super late to order pizza and have fondue.
This year has been crazy difficult and yet the most memorable of my college career. I have dealt with hard classes, the pain and remorse of decreasing health, the emotional challenges that Endo has been for me, and the amazing, wonderful and incredible experience of getting engaged! My relationship with Cam has been transforming this year, it has grown to be the most incredible relationship of my life! And I am eternally grateful for my future, my life, my forever with him!
So... today I will go out and have the most amazing girls night with my most treasured friends and then I will pack up, leave this place and embrace the change thats inevitably going to take place.
Ever since the move out of my most cherished home back in grade nine, after I changed high schools, churches, friend circles, having both my grandparents pass away close together and have my health increasingly decrease throughout these past years... Change for me, I just go with the flow! I accept what needs to be accepted and I say bye to those I love with the expectation and hope that they will continue to be apart of my life!
so... GOODBYE! so all my beloved friends from CBC, I love you dearly and I thank you unconditionally for the experiences this year. **Hugz**

today i feel sick... well, ive been feeling sick for a while but today and the days previous to this i have been wondering why i have let it get this far.
i love who i am, i truly do and i am impressed with how far i have come emotionally, spiritually but not exactly physically. i want to be healthier, i want to change my perspectives on food and myself so that i can get to a place of complete transformation and a new "me" in that way but im not sure.
i mean i am prepared and excited to get out of school and start a new lifestyle, one which will be difficult indeed but needed. i feel the sickness, i can see the sickness, the weight ive gained, the blanket, "as it were" ontop of me which has been suffocating myself.
once again though... how have i let it get this far? why? what has told me that i am unable to stop it? im not exactly sure... but i know that i need to get healthy, i NEED to.
i owe it to me, Cam, and our future children.
ba...

I just wanted to say...

BECKY AND KEVIN DAVIDSON!
CONGRATULATIONS :)

They just found out that they are 5 weeks pregnant and expecting in December! yipppeee! I am thrilled for this couple. Becky is one of my closest and most dearest friends, she is amazing and I am super excited for her and the bundle of blessing that is on its way. Another super cute baby to spoil (Wahooooooo!)

Im grinning ear to ear with excitement for her and Kevin. I hope you all are doing the same! Please keep them in your prayers as Becky is an American citizen and is awaiting her Canadian citizenship, so please help in prayer that she receives it before baby D comes along. As well as prayer for a healthy pregnancy.

so lately ive been asking myself the question "what do I want to do?" "who do I want to be?" and although i should probably be directing that question primarily to God, i have been thinking much about it and where i want to end up career wise. my conclusion thus far? there are two directions... health psychology or counselor. my psychology teacher reminded me that those two can coincide and i can actually do both! yipppeeeee... but then i thought to myself "well, i came here with the heart to do ministry, why am i all the sudden going down the road of psychology?"
First off, cause I LOVE it. I seriously love opening up my book and reading about how human behavior effects things, it makes sense to me!
And Secondly, well, because a huge part of me feels lead to walk this road.
Yet, i've always envisioned myself speaking in high schools and counseling adolescent girls out of youth groups concerning eating disorders, self destruction tendencies, and pre-martial sex/teen pregnancies.
But then i realised, it actually kind of side swiped me... those things work with a health psychology degree!!!!! and i would probably be a better speaker, counselor with that health education aspect.
so i guess this is the route im taking! yikies, it scares me, but my goodness you should seriously try and read some of the psychology stuff out there its FASCINATING! im going to DIE taking a year off with no psych classes, im actually going to buy the child psych book, read and highlight and prepare for when i finally get to take the class... how did I become such a geek!????? heehee!

blessings to all!

so i just found out today that my uncle and his fiance (who i already call "aunt" and who is one of my most favorite people EVER!) are getting married in late October/early November! and GUESS WHERE THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED????.... really, come on, guess!??? HAWAII!!!!! woot woot, which means i GET TO GO TO HAWAII!!!!! i am extatic, i loooooooove Hawaii, soooooo much its probably my favorite place on earth, Ive been three times so this will make it my fourth. Its kinda crazy cause I actually know where everything is, the flea market, the museum, the zoo! the starbucks! i absolutely adore this place and Im trying to get Cam and i over there for our honeymoon too! yippppeeeee.... you have no idea how excited i am.
but anyways... other then this, life is great. its getting kinda sad over here at CBC with only 18 days left its kind of surreal, knowing that this is my last time in senior housing, its my last time with roommates other than family members, after this comes work and home then MARRIAGE! WOW! I mean, don't get me wrong, there is a lot of excitement coming my way there is just a little sadness with the whole saying goodbye thing. **sniff sniff** however! saying goodbye here means saying hello to my friends in Surrey who i haven't seen in ages and don't get to spend any of my time with. THIS is really exciting to me.

i feel like i have this sentimental, open hearted post just trying to get outta me but i have no idea what it is i really want to say... i had an incredible visit with my psychology teacher today, an hour visit, i love her, shes amazing! and as i walked home afterwards i began to realise how okay i am with a lot of things. i feel as though ive come SUCH a far way... and im so proud of myself in this. i am so proud that i am able to say "bring it on Endo!" and to not be afraid of the unknown. im eager to get home and to take care of myself with food choices and a membership to the YMCA right next to my house. i am ready to just take charge of my life and my decisions im eager and excited to do so... and i feel like being at home will give me strength that i can't seem to find here at school. i absolutely love life right now, actually ive been trying for an hour to share a nooma video in this post through youtube but i can't seem to make it work :'(
but its called rain and its amazing! and its helped me realise and see just how important it is that God is carrying me through all of these experiences. my life these past five years has NOT been easy. who knew that oma dying would jump start the dominos effect from hell... but i love what Rob Bell says in the video:
that God is holding us close to his heart, he is whispering in our ear "I love you, I know the way home" God is taking care of us and instead of us screaming at him, or asking him "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!" we can fall on our knees brokenhearted and praise him proclaiming "thank you! thank you so much for holding me during that time" because i believe that we go through the hard times despite whether or not we love God, they are times necessary for growth and for brokenness, which is NOT a bad thing. i see brokenness as strength now, i see weakness as perseverance and i see these things building character in a person that nothing else could. and i am blessed, i am blessed with Endometriosis, i am blessed with hard times because they form me and make me who i am and they allow me the period of time to fall on my knees and proclaim
GOD I CAN NOT DO IT ANY OTHER WAY!

blessings!