Edison keeps growing up!!

It's definitely true that the first year of a child's life goes very quickly. My son will soon be ten months old and I'm left wondering where has the time gone? Where is my precious newborn son? How did we get here so quickly? I get giddy watching my son do his latest developmental achievement and I get caught up in his smiles. But that doesn't stop my tears from flowing remembering even just a few months back when he was smaller.

Lately I feel like I'm being told of numerous pregnancy announcements and hearing of many birth celebrations. I'm not ashamed to say that a piece of me gets jealous every time those announcements are made. My heart has now started to yearn all that much more for another precious baby. Another baby Edi, or maybe a girl :)

Don't get me wrong, I'm crazy happy with my son. I'm loving every single moment I have with my boy. He's the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me and watching him grow up is the highlight of my life. But I'm starting to understand in the midst of my joy that there is also sorrow that he is growing up so quickly and is fast approaching toddlerhood. There are tears of sadness mixed into the tears of joy and NO ONE can tell me that I can't feel and experience each side of this crazy emotional roller coaster that is motherhood.

The reality of these emotions are coming to the surface and I fight back the desire to have another baby right away. It's not even possible right now so it's not like we're trying but it's definitely at the forefront of my mind. I'm longing for the joy that comes with seeing my children, holding my children, knowing my children. I've wanted a big family my whole life and so has Cam. We've equally talked about it our entire marriage and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But lately it's like I can't help myself and I talk about it more often again, especially with all the excitement surrounding me with other babies coming into the world.

Does that mean I'll be irresponsible and turn into a baby making machine? Absolutely not! Does that mean that I'll forget the other passions in my life like my career and school? Absolutely not! Does it mean that I'll forget myself and who I am? Absolutely not!

This figuring life out business is sure a journey of emotion, fear, joy, and choice. And at this moment I'm in the midst of experiencing all those things in regards to the fine art of mothering and family planning. Being a mother and having children is apart of who I am and I don't see anything wrong with that. But one of these days I will be done my family and fighting back these emotions for good will be a very hard thing to do. At least today I get to dream about the future and look forward to my next pregnancy, whenever that will be! Today I get to dream of holding another baby (or two) in my arms with Edison and Cam by my side and that's an exciting thing to dream about.

Ok. Phew! We won the hockey game, now I need to go and help my son stand again because that's his new trick and he can't get enough of it.

Damn, I'm so crazy happy!
N.

Sleep well my son, you are loved!

The biggest struggle I've had with Edison has been the sleep issue. Ever since he was born he was waking up every 2-3 hours and it got to the point that some nights I'd be breaking down from complete exhaustion. How was I ever going to cope? How was I going to function? Go back to work? Get a break? Have him go down with a sitter?

I was worried! Obviously.

I kept hearing that I "just need to let him cry". As though having my son scream in bed was the only solution. It was definitely an option I went back and forth with and I struggled to decide whether it truly was the right direction to take.

But after Edison started refusing the bottle and refusing the soother completely, I knew something was going to have to change. His teeth kept coming one after the other and he started scraping them on my nipples. This meant the suckling he was doing was causing me all kinds of pain and discomfort. So I started nursing him and unlatching him after he was done. I'd hold him and rock him as he screamed hysterically and cried himself to sleep. I could only handle it for so long before Cam started to take over and put him in his crib. This was brutal, I spent days crying tears of sadness at the thought of my son just wanting the comfort of my breast to sleep. But I knew, as I know now that this was the best time for a change and he was more than ready for it.

Thursday came and we went to his nine month appointment and talked to dr. Katie about it. She was so encouraging and thoughtful, listened and gave advice and reassured me of my fears. I'm SO grateful for her.

So Thursday night instead of trying to rock him through his tears I nursed him and gave him to Cam and down in his bed he went. Only 12 minutes of tears and he went straight to sleep! It was hard, but such a turning point as well. Ever since that night Edison doesn't cry more than 2-3 minutes if he cries at all! He gets boob/milk for as long as he needs and I only unlatch him when he's completely done eating, obviously sleepy and ready for his crib. He's sleeping longer, better and so am I! I'm SO HAPPY that we took this step and did it when we were both ready for it. I'm so grateful for friends who listened to my fears, offered me encouragement and words of support. I know that struggles will still come with sleep routines and nap schedules and all that. It's far from over, but at least in this moment everything is good.

Sleep well my baby boy, I love you!


Sweet dreams everyone,
N.

Own it momma! (& cam)

Just own it momma. Decide (probably with your hubby) what's best for your baby and do it! Own your decision, stay consistent, be the parent.

A very wise momma friend of mine was very helpful the other night. She said that I need to parent my baby. What a concept! But honestly it never occurred to me that my once eat, poop & sleep newborn was now a fast approaching toddler. He needs to be parented, now, at nine months old. And it's MY (& cams) choice how that happens. MINE! ME! I choose (& cam). WHAT THE??!! It's too much responsibility. GAH! What if I make the wrong choice?!

How did this all the sudden happen?! My boy is quickly growing up. I knew it'd happen this way but it was like I blinked and here we are. My son relentlessly demanding his way when it comes to how he eats and sleeps (so far). YIKES. I'm in for a ride. I have a son who is super determined, stubborn, wants his way, knows what he wants, "me do it" and has me wrapped around his adorable pudgy baby finger. So now I have to (& cam) decide how to parent him in a way that is gentle, yet firm, allowing him room to express himself, yet set expectations that we hope we can peacefully stick to.

So right now, before we make any decisions that require us to "own it" I'm going to process the fact that my son is nine months old today. I'm going to enjoy the nursing relationship we have that's showing no sign of slowing down. I'm going to maybe even cry a little at the fact that my baby is growing and that's exactly what he's supposed to do. I never knew my heart could love this much. I never knew my life could be so blessed.

So I still don't really have any clue as to what to do to move forward from this put Edi to sleep issue. Falling asleep on me latched and hysterically crying if taken off to sleep. He's a smart one my boy, he knows the harder he cries the more inclined I am to stick my boob in his mouth. So now I (& cam) need to figure out for certain the plan and own it! Because we are in fact Edison's parents, not just the milk maid and the funny one.

Happy parenting
N.

Paleo update

Habits die hard and so transitioning to 100% Paleo eating has proven to be a huge challenge here at home. I am however very proud to say that I've stuck to completely gluten free so far this year. It's a huge accomplishment for me and I'm thrilled.

What's getting to me is saying no completely to rice, corn, sugar and every once in a while dairy. I've decided that I'm okay with eating legumes and night shade vegetables. If I get to the point where I'll need to cut those out then that's fine by me but right now I'm concentrating more on eliminating all grains.

It really is grain in all forms that gets me. I still have digestive symptoms even though I'm completely gluten free. Oh well, keep trying right?! Keep striving to make the change, keep loving my body and my life. I can do that. I've already lost approx 7 pounds since January 1st. SCORE! haha. I can handle only one weigh in a month so not to be tempted to make this journey a weight loss one. It's not, it's a "get a healthy gut for life" thing, BIG difference!

Ok. Time for a GF brownie baked with love by my momma. All because I burnt the top of my left hand and it hurts horribly. And chocolate with an GF ice cream topping cheat treat is completely necessary. Yes! Yes it is! Sometimes cheats happen, i just need to keep them in my 85/15 ratio. That's my challenge.
N.


Feeling great!