i was going through my wedding photos today... just to take a peek again, i loooove looking at them because they make me feel sooo beautiful and so loved. it was such a magical and wonderful day! Especially with the snow.

but i came across this photo of my dad and WOW it captures the exact essence of my father. i looove my daddy, im such a daddys girl. i adore him, and i am sooo thankful because as of yesterday my dad has officially been hired on to Microplex once again! YIPPEEEE! praise the Lord, my father has a job. and we are thrilled. it means so much to me, and cameron that my father has work and stability, just more proof of how good God has been and the blessings he's given to my father, mother and us. so now we can all breathe a little easier!

God is good... all the time! amen!

love, hugz and fuzzy thoughts!

yesterday as my name was called i walked across the stage at Northview Church in red, i had a funny hat on with a tassel that read "2009" and was given a folder with my name written on a piece of fancy paper indicating that i, yes, i indeed have succeeded in completeing a diploma in Caregiving & Counseling at Columbia Bible College. actually, two faculty members asked me if i wanted my named changed on my diploma because it read Nicole Kroeker, I replied "no, its exactly the way I want it".

why!? because i came into CBC as Nicole Kroeker, and i changed my major to Counseling and Caregiving as Nicole Kroeker, and i completed my diploma as Nicole Kroeker. So therefore, that name is staying attached to that particular accomplishment.

i didn't think that yesterday was going to affect me the way that it did. i kept telling everyone, including myself that its "not a big deal, this is Cams big grad, its not mine". but then as Doug Epp and my favorite professor, Gay Lynn Voth spoke at the dinner i started to break down in tears. This place, this home... is never going to be the same. Yes, I will walk these halls again in January and i will walk them proudly, but i will not have as many people who will stop me for a hug. i will not have my incredible roommates bug the heck out of me, and i will not take all of my meals in the cafeteria at that particular table anymore. its done! my degree may not be completed but my time at CBC the way i once knew it, was/is over. and that realisation is a very heartfelt one to experience. my beloved friend Julie and my "other brother" Dave are still going to be there when i return, there is thankfully tremendous comfort in that fact. but no longer will i have conversations with Carlene about our weddings and psych classes, no longer will there be Ryan to bug, or the Nolte couple to joke around with in the halls. Jackie is moving on, and so it changes.

So the question being asked is .... What am I doing now?
Im going back and completeing a Bachelor of Arts degree in January, to me, a diploma is just NOT good enough... I will hopefully do some correspondance throughout the summer next year so I can continue to work and also so that I don't burn out and graduate when I want to (with Julie!)
I will then go on to a Masters Degree, Im looking and planning on the program at Trinity Western in ACTS.
we'll see... these are my plans, but well... we all know how plans can change.

Love and prayers... with lots of reflection today.
Nicole Stehr

lately ive been thinking a lot about my future. i guess one of my faults is that i always want to know whats coming around the corner, i always want to know what to expect. i LOVE surprises, but when it comes to my life and my future i want to be "in the know". which in most cases is absolutely ridiculous and completely impossible. this is why im convinced that God is going to throw a baby into the mix when i least expect it, (no! im not pregnant).

why have i been thinking about tomorrow? about two months, six months, a year from now? i guess cause im bored?! (i get bored very easily), or maybe because i know that what i wake up to do today isn't what im supposed to do tomorrow, or a year from now, or even eight months from now. i know that there is this incredible plan that i can see but just can't hold yet and thats whats so crazy exciting to me.

school... i ADORE school. i never, ever! thought that'd be me. i never thought that i would be the book worm, the psychology major, i never pictured myself trying to stay in school for the longest time possible, but i want to. and well... i will.
my dream goal? a PhD in psychology. and i seriously don't care if i reach that at 60 years old. i don't care that i may have to put school off when that pregancy comes completely out of the blue (im telling you its going to be the biggest surprise at the most unreal time!) at the very least I'll put my Masters Degree off. i KNOW that counselling, or what my friend said... social work is my future. and although i have the "plan" on the horizons, i still don't know what is around the corner and in a lot of ways that scares the crap out of me. but at least i know that once i turn the corner i have a strong sense of where i want to be and who i will be. and at least i know that by the time im in my thirties and finished my masters degree and talking in highschools, youth groups, community centres to girls about pre-marital sex, eating disorders, drug abuse, body abuse and more... i'll have seen more, know more, be more mature to deal with what will come my way. did i mention im excited and eager to get started?

i guess i just realised the other day while driving to work... that i know exactly who i am. i know exactly who i live for and know exactly where i am going in life. i know exactly what i want, and why i wake up everyday... and no one, not even the circumstances in my life and the people in my life that have tossed me around can take that away. this realization is incredibly empowering, and such a huge blessing!

im ranting, and my steak is waiting... so....

love and hugs!

ps. please pray for Cam and I, that we find a place around Langley, a cute, affordable home with laundry!!!! if you know anyone at all... give them our name!

So after work I came home to an empty loft, I opened up the door, knowing that Cam is at youth tonight doing something crazy with those kids. Although at most times I hate being alone, I really do enjoy my time to myself if its not hours upon hours... a nice three hour time span for me to reflect, make myself something to eat, and just tune out is really really welcoming.
I opened up the door to the Christmas lights on our railing being turned on and a piece of white paper that read "go upstairs & relax, love Cam" When I went upstairs there was Cams brown sweatshirt laid out for me on our bed that was so neatly made up! (I love wearing Cams sweatshirts after work cause its so comfy!) there was a letter on there as well telling me to go to the kitchen, so I did! To find a clean kitchen!!!! with my boxes of teas laid out, my favorite mug and the kettle full and another letter that read "turn the kettle on and pick a tea and relax, love Cam" so I turned the kettle on and picked my vanilla mighty leaf. Then on the couch Cam made up a "bed" with a bunch of blankets, pillows from our bed, my computer right next to the couch, the phone placed beside the pillow and another note that read "relax!!!"
it was soooo sweet! what a treat to come home to... so I made myself some dinner (eggs, turkey bacon and some toast ....mmm....) poped in the Shrek the Third dvd that Ive been dying to watch again and relaxed. Im still relaxing and its wonderful!!!!

WOW! I have such a considerate husband, I am so blessed and thankful.