woot woot... I can eat food with no pain!
life is FANTASTIC! Praise the Lord!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I feel as though the surgery has been this one overwhelming step in the right direction, although it feels like it NEVER happened, more like a dream, a very surreal experience. I am very cautious of how I am now, I am not expecting anything from this surgery except to feel exactly the same because if I expect anything other than that, and nothing changes, then at least I am not disappointed.
I need to take a step back and evaluate what happened, how I really feel and as soon as the after pains of surgery fade away, then I get to discover this "new me" that I hope gets to emerge. I hope that I start to love my body again, I hope I start to respect myself and the goals I wish to set out for me. I feel that I can close my eyes and see the place that I wish to be... the healthy place but it seems almost impossible to get there. BA!
But for now, I need to stay away from the mountains of Halloween candy thats filling my moms pantry... eeekk... I could really go for a m&m peanut right now :P
I need to take a step back and evaluate what happened, how I really feel and as soon as the after pains of surgery fade away, then I get to discover this "new me" that I hope gets to emerge. I hope that I start to love my body again, I hope I start to respect myself and the goals I wish to set out for me. I feel that I can close my eyes and see the place that I wish to be... the healthy place but it seems almost impossible to get there. BA!
But for now, I need to stay away from the mountains of Halloween candy thats filling my moms pantry... eeekk... I could really go for a m&m peanut right now :P
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I just wanted to say a HUGE thanks to everyone who have been so supportive, loving, and incredibly encouraging and just wonderful this past week. I have received four flower arrangements! which was completely unexpected... visits from countless people, emails, comments on my blog and phone calls that unfortunately, most of the time I was either sleeping through or unable to get off the couch to answer. I appreciate EVERYTHING... its overwhelming me!
I am healing nicely... although I am still very bloated (I was just able to do up a pair of my pants today) and I am still in pain, I am confident that in a couple of weeks I'll be back to fully normal. However, I am unable to pick up anything heavy for a month! And I am not allowed to exert myself... I will do my best, and get lots of rest after my shifts at work this week ( I go back tomorrow) I know that in good time I will be 100% bac
k to normal.I am meeting with Dr. Williams in a month to discuss the results of the surgery, how I am feeling and some other things. I am eager to go over my photos and see for myself what they mean and what happened from her perspective.
Although I did nothing today, I am exhausted! :P I better go to bed... its still a challenge to sleep and I am to be up nice and early for work in the morning, its going to be wonderful to finally get out of this house and walking around again!
Blessings! and LOTS of thanks! :)
Thursday, October 16, 2008
So... yesterday was surgery day! I got up at 9am just starving cause your bowels need to be empty, along with your stomach for the procedure. We left at 10am, Cam came and brought me some flowers and an autographed photo of Starfield from his trip to the youth convention on the weekend. It was really sweet of him :)
We all piled into the CRV (my parents and Cam and I) and then headed out to the Ambulatory Surgical Centre in downtown Vancouver, across the street from the St. Pauls Hosptial. I was nervous and in sweatpants and a sweat shirt. We got there early and hung out in the waiting room for just about an hour before they called my name. I then left my support team and went into a very nice room with a tv, my hospital gown & robe and waited another two hours or so. I had the sweetest nurse come into my room about a hour before they lead me into the operating room as they called it. She was soooo sweet and kind, asking me some questions while taking my heart rate. Then about a half hour from when she was in my room the anistetic guy came in and gave me the run down of what was going to take place when I got in the operating room. He was joky and fun! Talked fast though and realised that I was a little nervous. So.. a few minutes after he left I was lead down the hall by my first nurse to the operating room. I was helped up onto the table, and was given my IV which hurt the most out of everything that happened. It was fun though cause the guy that gave it to me kept me laughing and comfortable, after he put it in, to distract me from the sharp pain he said "look up here, do you see lots of medical shows? isn't this about the time when they play the dramatic music?"referring to the part of the IV that drips. And then he said things like "see, that didn't hurt so bad right? well... it didn't hurt me!" and then I said "well we don't want that!" hahaahah...
But then after a couple meds he put in my IV which stung! my nurse said "now you're going to be getting some oxygen through a mask... have you had that before?" And the moment I said no, I was out! I didn't even get to count back or forward like everyone says they get to while they're being put under, the next thing I remember is being in a different room, in the warmest blanket ever! Drifting in and out of sleep.
BUT... Dr. Williams did come to my side and grabed my hand and said that indeed IT WAS ENDO!!! And that there was lots! Majority of it on my right side and some on my left. I even have four incesions, two on my right, one on my left and one in my belly button. But I am soooo thrilled that this is exactly what this was. And that its all gone! the moment she told me it was Endo, that there was lots and that she took it all out, I cried...I just bawled cause the relief knowing that was just so overwhelming.
Now... it feels like someone has hit me in my stomach! hahahaa.. Im sore, and the gas they pumped in me for surgery hurts still, my shoulders and chest. Im afraid to sleep on my side, but I slept practically all of yesterday, I couldn't keep awake. It was actually kinda funny yesterday cause they had two nurses try and get me out of my bed cause I couldn't stand properly, and my mom had to help me change, I feel back asleep when the nurse was explaining to mom what my photos were about... heehee. poor her cause my photos are pics of my endo and where it was that she removed it from. They aren't pretty.
Great news!? The greatest there is?
The Endo was NOT on my fallopian tubes, nor was it on my ovaries or my cul-d-sac which means from my understanding that there really shouldn't be any reason for me to have trouble getting pregnant once Cam and I want babies, so my eyes just brightened up, and honestly so did Cams when I was told that. Now, the treatment is birth control, but I can for sure deal with that, and I see Dr. Williams in four weeks for a follow up where I have many questions for her.
And its been sooo sweet, Alissa visited me with flowers yesterday which was suuuuuper nice of her, and Kortney wants to come over today as well to say hi. My aunt and uncle are planning to come this weekend as well to visit.
I can't say enough thankyous to all who have prayed for me, phoned me, emailed me, facebooked me... Its been incredibly overwhelming to know how many people have cared about me so much these past couple of days in regards to my surgery.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! From the bottom of my heart!
Everything went well, so much better than I could have imagined... praise God! :)
We all piled into the CRV (my parents and Cam and I) and then headed out to the Ambulatory Surgical Centre in downtown Vancouver, across the street from the St. Pauls Hosptial. I was nervous and in sweatpants and a sweat shirt. We got there early and hung out in the waiting room for just about an hour before they called my name. I then left my support team and went into a very nice room with a tv, my hospital gown & robe and waited another two hours or so. I had the sweetest nurse come into my room about a hour before they lead me into the operating room as they called it. She was soooo sweet and kind, asking me some questions while taking my heart rate. Then about a half hour from when she was in my room the anistetic guy came in and gave me the run down of what was going to take place when I got in the operating room. He was joky and fun! Talked fast though and realised that I was a little nervous. So.. a few minutes after he left I was lead down the hall by my first nurse to the operating room. I was helped up onto the table, and was given my IV which hurt the most out of everything that happened. It was fun though cause the guy that gave it to me kept me laughing and comfortable, after he put it in, to distract me from the sharp pain he said "look up here, do you see lots of medical shows? isn't this about the time when they play the dramatic music?"referring to the part of the IV that drips. And then he said things like "see, that didn't hurt so bad right? well... it didn't hurt me!" and then I said "well we don't want that!" hahaahah...
But then after a couple meds he put in my IV which stung! my nurse said "now you're going to be getting some oxygen through a mask... have you had that before?" And the moment I said no, I was out! I didn't even get to count back or forward like everyone says they get to while they're being put under, the next thing I remember is being in a different room, in the warmest blanket ever! Drifting in and out of sleep.
BUT... Dr. Williams did come to my side and grabed my hand and said that indeed IT WAS ENDO!!! And that there was lots! Majority of it on my right side and some on my left. I even have four incesions, two on my right, one on my left and one in my belly button. But I am soooo thrilled that this is exactly what this was. And that its all gone! the moment she told me it was Endo, that there was lots and that she took it all out, I cried...I just bawled cause the relief knowing that was just so overwhelming.
Now... it feels like someone has hit me in my stomach! hahahaa.. Im sore, and the gas they pumped in me for surgery hurts still, my shoulders and chest. Im afraid to sleep on my side, but I slept practically all of yesterday, I couldn't keep awake. It was actually kinda funny yesterday cause they had two nurses try and get me out of my bed cause I couldn't stand properly, and my mom had to help me change, I feel back asleep when the nurse was explaining to mom what my photos were about... heehee. poor her cause my photos are pics of my endo and where it was that she removed it from. They aren't pretty.
Great news!? The greatest there is?
The Endo was NOT on my fallopian tubes, nor was it on my ovaries or my cul-d-sac which means from my understanding that there really shouldn't be any reason for me to have trouble getting pregnant once Cam and I want babies, so my eyes just brightened up, and honestly so did Cams when I was told that. Now, the treatment is birth control, but I can for sure deal with that, and I see Dr. Williams in four weeks for a follow up where I have many questions for her.
And its been sooo sweet, Alissa visited me with flowers yesterday which was suuuuuper nice of her, and Kortney wants to come over today as well to say hi. My aunt and uncle are planning to come this weekend as well to visit.
I can't say enough thankyous to all who have prayed for me, phoned me, emailed me, facebooked me... Its been incredibly overwhelming to know how many people have cared about me so much these past couple of days in regards to my surgery.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! From the bottom of my heart!
Everything went well, so much better than I could have imagined... praise God! :)
Friday, October 10, 2008
okay... so is it bad that i want babies?
hahahaah... before you answer, let me explain, i was out today with my good friend kortney who is very pregnant (sorry kort, but its cute!) and then there my good friend becky who is also super pregnant (i know becky doesn't read this so i don't need to apologize but shes cute too!). so at starbucks today there was this ADORABLE little toddler Trinity running around the place and then another very new baby boy in another womans arms just beside Kort and i and then i started thinking. Wow!... that'll be kort in December, and then... in a couple years, that will be me. and in the midst of the cute kid running around and all the pregnancy happening in that little starbucks today i said outloud... I WANT KIDS! and i do... not tomorrow (well, not December) already but definitely in at least two years, or three!
another great thing about getting together with Kort today... the stress level about the surgery went down, waaaaay down. and although Alissa who is a nurse and has been coaching me to not stress about this surgery has helped, and Amy who has forced me to promise chanting the phrase "i will be fine! i will be fine" each day every day... has helped. knowing that Kort has gone through it and that it truly is "not a big deal" has helped enourmously. So I am planning to speed through my file day tomorrow and Sunday. Eat the most fantastic Thanksgiving meal of my life on Sunday night, and then work another quick day Monday. And not fret about my surgery after that.
I promise myself that I will not fret... and I am seriously understanding the concept of handing over all control to God, and if you knew me, like really knew me, you would know how hard that can be for me.
**deep breath**
blessings!
hahahaah... before you answer, let me explain, i was out today with my good friend kortney who is very pregnant (sorry kort, but its cute!) and then there my good friend becky who is also super pregnant (i know becky doesn't read this so i don't need to apologize but shes cute too!). so at starbucks today there was this ADORABLE little toddler Trinity running around the place and then another very new baby boy in another womans arms just beside Kort and i and then i started thinking. Wow!... that'll be kort in December, and then... in a couple years, that will be me. and in the midst of the cute kid running around and all the pregnancy happening in that little starbucks today i said outloud... I WANT KIDS! and i do... not tomorrow (well, not December) already but definitely in at least two years, or three!
another great thing about getting together with Kort today... the stress level about the surgery went down, waaaaay down. and although Alissa who is a nurse and has been coaching me to not stress about this surgery has helped, and Amy who has forced me to promise chanting the phrase "i will be fine! i will be fine" each day every day... has helped. knowing that Kort has gone through it and that it truly is "not a big deal" has helped enourmously. So I am planning to speed through my file day tomorrow and Sunday. Eat the most fantastic Thanksgiving meal of my life on Sunday night, and then work another quick day Monday. And not fret about my surgery after that.
I promise myself that I will not fret... and I am seriously understanding the concept of handing over all control to God, and if you knew me, like really knew me, you would know how hard that can be for me.
**deep breath**
blessings!
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
so... it has become evident that I am stressing out WAAAAAY too much. Especially when I go out for coffee with one of my good friends, Amy. And then she tells me to cool down and give it all to God, etc... then I come home and once checking my email have a biiiig one in my inbox from my fiance telling me the exact same thing!
I think God is using some of my most trusted friends/family to give me a message. And the message is?
TURN IT OVER ALREADY! and start breathing properly.
Actually, my stress has become so much that Im getting such bad migraine headaches and a year ago I wasn't getting any at all. As well, Im having a hard time breathing properly because I have so much anxiety. Its not good, its kinda scary when your deep breaths don't feel like deep breaths at all, and when there is intense pressure in your chest cavity.
I think that being stress free is of high importance right now... so I may have to start locking myself up in my house and on my bed for rest, and start dedicating time to serious prayer and take LOTS of bubble baths... if anyone has bubble bath to donate I am for sure able to take it off your hands!
Blessings to all...
at least I got a lot of wedding planning done! whew!
I think God is using some of my most trusted friends/family to give me a message. And the message is?
TURN IT OVER ALREADY! and start breathing properly.
Actually, my stress has become so much that Im getting such bad migraine headaches and a year ago I wasn't getting any at all. As well, Im having a hard time breathing properly because I have so much anxiety. Its not good, its kinda scary when your deep breaths don't feel like deep breaths at all, and when there is intense pressure in your chest cavity.
I think that being stress free is of high importance right now... so I may have to start locking myself up in my house and on my bed for rest, and start dedicating time to serious prayer and take LOTS of bubble baths... if anyone has bubble bath to donate I am for sure able to take it off your hands!
Blessings to all...
at least I got a lot of wedding planning done! whew!
Monday, October 06, 2008
So I really should be in bed right now... Im exhausted and super hungry and need to be up early tomorrow because part of my new food plan is a weigh in every Tuesday morning. NOT looking forward to it. I don't think, well I KNOW that I didn't do well this week :'(
I think my stress is just up (when isn't it?) and cravings are really hard to overcome sometimes! But I know that this is just all apart of the process and there will be a time when I will take steps back but I can't obsess over everything.
EDIT: the weigh in today was SO GOOD! Ive lost 15lbs in total in the past 4 weeks! and Ive lost 6 inches, and 2% of my body fat! woot woot! Im definitely on track :D
I accomplished SO MUCH of my wedding planning today! It was fabulous! I went and saw my florist Esther, we decided on the entire floral department of the wedding. Its going to look incredible! Soooo much floral in the wedding, Im very excited! And... then mom and I took a trip out to Abby, picked up Cam quickly and headed off to meet with our decor lady. We talked all decor for the reception site and its going to look INCREDIBLE! Im telling you... super elegant. Im giddy just thinking about it.
But can you believe it? We're in October already! In 8 days Im having my surgery and then once Im recovered and back to work its TWO MONTHS! before the wedding... that means it'll be November and then BANG! its December and I'll be a Mrs. It just hit me last night as I laid in bed. But now that two of the most important aspects of the wedding are planned and taken care of. I am breathing all that much more better... and I even finished an aspect of our guest book, and started working on prepping the table numbers.
Im thrilled with what we have planned out... I can't imagine my wedding any other way than the way its coming about. This truly is my dream wedding! YAY!
Okay.. bed finally.. and one last important note:
IF YOU HAVEN'T RSVP'd TO MY WEDDING AND YOU GOT AN INVITATION
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
RSVP SOON!
thank-you! :)
I think my stress is just up (when isn't it?) and cravings are really hard to overcome sometimes! But I know that this is just all apart of the process and there will be a time when I will take steps back but I can't obsess over everything.
EDIT: the weigh in today was SO GOOD! Ive lost 15lbs in total in the past 4 weeks! and Ive lost 6 inches, and 2% of my body fat! woot woot! Im definitely on track :D
I accomplished SO MUCH of my wedding planning today! It was fabulous! I went and saw my florist Esther, we decided on the entire floral department of the wedding. Its going to look incredible! Soooo much floral in the wedding, Im very excited! And... then mom and I took a trip out to Abby, picked up Cam quickly and headed off to meet with our decor lady. We talked all decor for the reception site and its going to look INCREDIBLE! Im telling you... super elegant. Im giddy just thinking about it.
But can you believe it? We're in October already! In 8 days Im having my surgery and then once Im recovered and back to work its TWO MONTHS! before the wedding... that means it'll be November and then BANG! its December and I'll be a Mrs. It just hit me last night as I laid in bed. But now that two of the most important aspects of the wedding are planned and taken care of. I am breathing all that much more better... and I even finished an aspect of our guest book, and started working on prepping the table numbers.
Im thrilled with what we have planned out... I can't imagine my wedding any other way than the way its coming about. This truly is my dream wedding! YAY!
Okay.. bed finally.. and one last important note:
IF YOU HAVEN'T RSVP'd TO MY WEDDING AND YOU GOT AN INVITATION
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
RSVP SOON!
thank-you! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)