so its been a bit since Ive posted... and honestly there really is not much for me to say, other than I just spend a lovely time with Lauren Neufeld, my England friend who is home here in Canada to get married before she returns to England. So my dearest friend who I know reads this blog... thanks a bunch for the wonderful time tonight, especially the wedding talk was delightful! :)
I went to the doctor on Monday, I told her my fears concerning the treatment she has put me on, and now I have to make a decision whether I go for another "dose" on Thursday. She said she wants me to keep going on it... that its only for a short time, she would never put me on it long term, etc... but once again. Im scared. Im totally, 100%, completely scared. So please pray for me and my fear. That God will lead me to the right decision, and that God brings both me and Cam strength to get through whatever there is on the way in terms with all of this. My hope is high and I am doing really good, honestly. Im in pain off and on, Im just generally uncomfortable on a daily basis so just please pray for me in that regards too! Praise the Lord that Endo doesn't turn into cancer (only VERY rare cases) and is not life threatening. Its just really painful, thats all!
As well, Im being referred to the top Endometriosis doctor in all of BC. So please say many prayers for me, that the referral will not take very long at all, and that the doctor and I (who I hear is fantastic) will find the Endo if it's in me somewhere and make me all better. It could be a 6 month wait I heard, which is exhausting and emotional for me to hear, so a quicker referral will be amazing. My Dr said we're skipping the middle man and running straight to the top with this referral, she usually doesn't do this but she said she is going to make an exception for me! (thank you Jesus!)

My engagement and wedding planning have been SO magical, I thank everyone for the cards, love, encouragement, hugs, and joy expressed. Its been the most wonderful time for me... I am amazed at how happy everyone is for us! I am extatic myself (of course!) and very excited to get all my planning done. Everything is so surreal. We are having our wedding at Columbia Bible College for all who don't know, we met there, fell in love there, so its PERFECT! We're even getting Gerald to make his famous Turkey dinner with all the trimmings. I have my decor and photographer booked! and this week we're working on getting some invitation ideas, then its registry once we're out of school, along with honeymoon booking and finding a florist. I feel like Im ontop of everything, yet I feel like Im second guessing myself as well. I have a lot of help though, so Im not worried at all.
The latest though is... do I want red in the color scheme? hmmm.... grrrrrr!!!!!!!!

As well, I decided Im going to call Cam my fiance every and any chance I get for the next Nine months and three weeks :)

Blessings!

O... and yes, Ive been trying to get a decent picture of my ring to show you here online, unfortunately as Nantina said "the photos don't do justice" and you'll just have to wait to track me down, take my left hand and peek yourself. Here is another cute pic of me when I tried a photo shoot with my new "bling" Once again you can't exactly see the beauty of it... but it really is all its cracked up to be!!!

Trouble arrives in measures, and we stack it up real high, until we're convinced, we have no reason to try. If you feel defeated, you're absolutely wrong, for if you follow your dream, you could never lose for long. Ignore the minor set-backs that pile up and trouble you,
or you will build a mountain, out of the stones hurled at you. The future holds great promise, your destiny unknown, but God is always helping, and you're never alone. Soar bravely toward your goal. Let nothing darken the way. You can change your tomorrow,
if you seek your dream today.
posted by Candy15

I have joined an Endometriosis support site which has helped me more than I can express in regards to understanding more about the disease and the people who experience it. Especially with all the different ways that people get pain, the information sites aren't exaggerating when they say that it is different for everyone. It truly is, but that is nothing but comforting because I have read some truly heart breaking testimonies. I continue to be as positive as possible, its easier some days, and actually its a lot easier just in general than it had been before. As well, God has blessed me with such supportive friends, family and well, my most supportive fiance, who even though he has no idea what to say or do to help, tries his best anyways. Yet, I appreciate my friend Kortney Story the most, who has encouraged me again and again that "its really not that bad, it could be worse" and she is right!!! Its do-able and thats the most important thing to keep in mind. Even through the physically painful experiences.
I have another doctors appointment on Monday for a referral to a specialist which I will hopefully see in April or May when Im out of school. Please pray that the referral goes smoothly and quickly so that I can get on the right track and in a more functioning capacity soon. The fatigue and headaches/body aches, cramping are overwhelming a lot of the time and interfere with my studies, daily life and mostly sleep. Which is obviously not good. Im so thankful to be able to take a year off this next school year to take care of my self and save up for my new life as Mrs. Stehr.

The poem above is inspirational to me, and the picture is one that was taken at my roommate, Traci's birthday at the Old Spaghetti factory. The night that some random waitress of ours flirted with Cam all night long! (she even touched his arm!) I laughed my little heart out... I've got the ring, so Im not concerned.

love and blessings to all!

so as we headed out from my parents place, it was at least 10:30pm and we were both ready for some down time. Its exhausting celebrating our big day! and cam had done so much driving that night, he was so tired. However, once we got back to our apartments we decided to "play it stupid" with both of us coming in as though nothing happened. I even had my sweater over the ring. Yet, I think it was my grinning face that gave it away because no one was fooled and the screaming/crying began. What a wonderful bunch of friends/family/community we have here in our two apartments. It was then that people started talking about going out "we have to go and celebrate!". YAY! more celebrating! so... Boston Pizza was the choice (even though Im not too fond of the place) it was about 11:30 or so by the time we got there.
Cam and I were too full from dinner so we just got a mudslide to share (SO GOOD!) and everyone else got drinks and some appies. But the most fun part was that Dave mentioned to the waiter that we were celebrating our engagement. So the guy said "O is that right? we have got to do something then!" so at the end of the night they gave us all our drinks on the house because of our engagement! it was amazing!
That night I went home, with a constant gaze on my ring... and couldn't believe the amazing day I just had and the blessings that were given to me. The family and love that surrounded me that day. It was PERFECT!
IM ENGAGED! yippppeeeeeeeeee.... **Heehee**

Blessings :)

SO! here is the long awaited Engagement post for those who are reading. So as you know from my previous post, Cam and I couldn't do a Valentines date on the 14th because Cam has youth that night, but he surprised me with the stuffed lion and chocolates and all, such a sweetheart. So he said "on Saturday Im going to take you to Cascade Falls in Mission" I was sort of suspicious but then didn't want to keep my hopes up so I talked myself out of thinking he was going to pop the question (at least I tried). So on Saturday Cam came into my apartment and I asked whether or not I needed "hiking shoes" or just the new cute flats I had been wearing, he said those were fine and we headed off. Yet, as we climbed the "mountain" more and more snow presented itself and I was a little nervous for frozen feet for our little "hike". Sure enough we get there and there was TONZ of snow, so Cam gave me his socks to wear in my flats. It was super sweet of him.
we got the falls and there was another couple there. So, Cam and I enjoyed the view and he waited until the couple left. As soon as they did (like ten minutes) Cam started mentioning that its our two year anniversary soon (the 24th), he asked what I saw us doing the rest of this year together and we mentioned things like growing together and such, growing closer spiritually and all. Yet every time he brought these things up, it got me wondering why we weren't going back down to the car yet, and why he seemed to be so nervous. I was like "is this happening?" After I while I figured it must be! So when he said "I love you" I would look up expecting that at that very moment a ring would appear and after about three or four of these "I love yous" Cam went into a speech about how much he loves me, wants to spend his life with me, take care of me, etc... it was SO SWEET! and wonderful. He pulled out the ring box, opened it up, got down on one knee and said "will you marry me?" I of course freaked out!!! put my hands up to my face, almost cried, but was too excited to cry! I said YES! Then I pulled him back to his feet and gave him the biggest hug and kiss EVER! it was so much fun, we talked all about his plans and nervousness... it was so surreal.
The next moment we were racing down the trail, into the car (we were both freeeezing and my feet were too cold and really sore) we headed off to his parents place (it was their anniversary yesterday so we got engaged on their anniversary! this was a coincidence cause it slipped Cams mind) then we headed off to my parents place who took us out for a great dinner celebration at White Spot, back to their place for a toast with sparkling apple juice and then back to Abbotsford. There we had people waiting for us to see whether or not Cam had asked THE question. I showed the "bling" and I had people coming towards me who crawled over other people and couches! It was such a screaming fest, and hugging/crying fest! we went out for Boston Pizza and got drinks at Midnight, we weren't home until after 2am and Im exhausted still.

Thats the wonderful story and my super amazing engagement day! so magical, wonderful and so Cam. The way he did everything was completely his personality and his thought and love, thats what made it so special. He even picked the ring out all on his own, and he did a GOOD job! such elegance and thought and of course love!

so the date you ask?!
December 20th, 2008

People seem surprised when told, but I really wanted a winter wedding and it works best for our schedules and lives. Im thrilled! Its going to be here at Columbia Bible College because this is the place we met, and fell in love... the place we have grown together and have experienced practically all of our relationship so it just seems to fit perfectly!

If I missed out on any details I will fill in more! THANK YOU ALL who have wished us a congrats... it means SO MUCH to me!

Blessings!

IM ENGAGED!!!! yay!!!! just you wait, details and more pictures are coming. BUT I wanted to leave you with this one. The ring is gorgeous! I love it so much! And know that the way he did it was SO SWEET! and wonderful! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!

ITS VALENTINES DAY!!!! and Cam went ALL OUT this year for me. No seriously, last year he was amazing and bought me flowers along with my favorite Ben N' Jerrys icecream, this year. Well... just take a look at the picture SUPER sweet huh!? I woke up and after getting ready for the day, couldn't wait to walk around the apartment snooping to see if he did anything cute. Nothing in the apartment itself, until I peeped through the peep hole and saw a glimpse of something pink outside our front door. I quickly opened up the door and on a stool sat my lion, 3 lindor chocolate bars and the sweetest, most mushy romantic card. I got all giddy that I came into my bedroom, and said "AMBER! (she was asleep so I woke her up in a frenzy) LOOK WHAT CAM GOT ME!" she smiled said "O Nicole" and went back to sleep. I frantically got ready for work, headed off to the cafeteria and proceeded to tell everyone I knew of my sweet boyfriend and the super cute pink lion he left on my front door this morning.
I don't think I'll share what I got him, you'll have to ask him yourself! But I promise its good! ;) Unfortunately we wont' be able to celebrate our Valentines day together tonight, Cam has youth which is apart of his internship with Bakerview and its too important for him to ask to miss. Plus, Im really happy and excited for him that he is doing so well there! Thanks Tim for keeping him happy! They are going go-carting and well, thats pretty exciting anyways! SO Cam mentioned he is taking me to this water fall in Mission on Saturday! Its going to be our "valentines date" and Im very very excited. I'll post about it when we're back that night! As well, my roommates and I are doing our own VALENTINES DAY EXTRAVAGANZA! with fondue and the works! Thats going to be a hoot as well, my weekend is going to be AMAZING! so.. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL! I hope that you're all being spoiled and loved like you should be.

Blessings!

I absolutely love that this time around people I know are going through the same predicament as me. Its wonderful to be able to talk to two of my friends and have them say "I know what you mean, I was there too!" Its like WHAT! REALLY!? o my goodness, SOMEONE knows, someone has gone through this, someone has gotten THROUGH this. And really, its not THAT bad.

My outlook has done a 360 degree turn, and that has all come from the grace of God and the many loved ones who have prayed a prayer for me. I appreciate how my family, friends and Cam have willingly listened to my complaints and frustrations, my negative outlook that I first held so strongly too. But today, Im doing great! And I am choosing to be positive through whatever it is that comes my way! Even if its surgery. No more fear for whatever it is that this possible Endo is going to throw my way.

I wanted to say as well... that those who have been praying for me, please also, say a long and heartfelt prayer for my friends little nephew Noah Jonathan Neufeld. This handsome little guy was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 while still in his mothers womb back in/around October, he was born last Friday and has beaten so many odds, but is still not in the clear yet. There is a slim chance, given by the doctors, that he will live to his 1st birthday. I ask that you pray for him and his family.

if you want to visit their blog, click on right hand side of my blog page, entitled NEUFELD FAMILY and leave a sweet comment of love and encouragement.

Praise God for the blessings he's given us, no matter how small or short.

more lovely flowers to smile for!

these past couple of days have been difficult pain wise, but i feel that i finally have a hold on to my emotions and my life. i finally feel like this isn't going to end me, im not going to let it run my life. i mean i don't have the "concrete" diagnosis, but it sure feels real, and even in the midst of it feeling real. this "real" disease is not going to over take my entire being. i can't let it.

i found another great web site! i really love the encouragement in it. and it gives guide lines to a certain Endometriosis diet to possibly relieve pain and symptoms. i feel as though i should do it... actually i know i should. so i will! starting tomorrow.

here is the site!

blessings!

"The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5-7

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately. a lot of contemplating how i feel and what i want to do with all of this. for some reason i keep trying to stay away from talking to God. maybe i feel that the pain im experiencing will only grow if i come to be "emotional" before God. ive had people tell me that satan is using this to keep me distracted from God, i have people tell me that God doesn't want me to be sick and i need to focus in on that fact and stop being where i am. yet the truth is that today and yesterday ive had such horrible pain that its not easy to forget that this is whats going on in my life. and when i do come to God about it i wish to scream on the top of my lungs that "this is not what i want for myself, this is not the future, or the life that ive asked for. and for goodness sake make this all go away already".

i feel like im becoming over dramatic, like a broken record that keeps spinning, and i realise that there are tonz of other people that are worse off then me. i praise God for what i have and the blessings given to me.

i am starting to realise that my worries aren't going to change the diagnosis when it becomes concrete and the only thing i can do is fall at the feet of my Lord and pray for healing, courage, strength and comfort. this is one long journey i never asked for, this is one diagnosis i am piss afraid to receive, this means not knowing what the future brings, not knowing how intense it all is, not knowing whats going on inside of me... but its something that can be used to bring me closer to God, to glorify God, to bring me to lean on Him more. and that can't be anything but good.

hahaha... im too emotional, and i over analyize everything, i worry far beyond what anyone should and i take life very personally. maybe a lot of learning and growing can come from all of this, which always takes a little bit of pain first.

Blessings.

ITS LENT!!!! yay!!!! SO... I'm going to give up Facebook. I'm a little too addictive to it, so giving it up is going to be really good for me. SO... please email me instead if you need to get in touch with me at:

peanutbutter.please@gmail.com

OR

give me a call on my cell, if you don't have the number I'll send it to you in an email if you email me to ask for it

However, you get to do whatever you give up for Lent on Sundays (so Ive been told) so every once in a while on a Sunday I'll check it. But I won't stay on for very long.

what are YOU giving up for Lent?

Blessings!

i added this picture because flowers always make me feel better, they make me smile and so i felt like i should share in my desire to smile today!

in the past couple of days ive read everything that i can get a handle on when it comes to endometriosis, i think im irritating my room mates, even Cam and my family cause im talking so much about it. but seriously, how could i not? i am excited that there is finally some action going on, a doctor has listened to me, its not all in my head. or is it? as i sit here, the pain is dulled, for now and my overwhelming need to sleep is still hindering me from opening up my book and doing homework. but is that just a reaction of other things? i so desperately want it to be something, anything... just diagnose me with something that makes sense! PLEASE! FOR GOODNESS SAKES! im afraid that as i read the symptoms of Endo, mine will no longer match what i read and i'll be back in Dr. Ferris' office with the dreaded "yes its IBS" once again... I HATE THAT DIAGNOSIS! it can not be that, it doesn't make any sense. the stories ive read, the surgery that may be preformed and the reality that something is indeed wrong, i mean it has to be... right? its all so, whats the word? mind boggling.

so my prayer request, honest, and to the very depth of my heart... is that i get in to see the gynecologist soon, very very very soon. So that my treatment can start as soon as possible, if Endo is really the culprit of all of this.

but what if its not? please God, let the answers come soon.
i surrender myself into Your hands. Amen.

I had another doctors appointment yesterday and let me tell you its been the BEST so far! I have been referred to a gynecologist and I'm thrilled. The suspicious culprit of all my misery in the last four and a half years is NOT Irritable Bowel Syndrome BUT

ENDOMETRIOSIS

here is a good link if you want to read up on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis

I won't go into details with what they're doing to treat me. I'd rather not tell the world and keep that to myself, Cam (and family) until things start to move along with the gynecologist (that won't be for three months). My doctor can not say 100% that its Endo, only my gynecologist can, so the diagnosis is not concrete as of yet.

Thank you all who have prayed for my health these past four years. I FINALLY know whats going on, all of my symptoms and pain are suspected to come from this one problem.
However, prayer is still needed as I embark on my new healing adventure which may involve surgery.

PRAISE THE LORD, and may He be glorified!!

Blessings.