so i just finished watching Julie and Julia which i felt was just fantastic! I loooove cooking shows and i loooove chick flicks, so this movie is perfect for me. so, because of this grand movie i decided i should at least blog tonight, although im not nearly as good as julie in the movie and there isn't much i made today to eat, other than pasta bake and garlic bread! mmm....

but then again this is why im blogging too.... tonight. im eager to start another new time in life, where i finally take charge of my eating habiats and get real with my body and my relationship with it. tomorrow marks day one of many... but at the very least it may be one that i hope will lead to full out change. im starting sureslim again, what i thought i wouldn't want to share on here, but after a lot of thought decided that if i at least make it clear on here my intentions then at least i'll HAVE to own up to my words. and well.... prove that i can do it. and prove that im serious about living. which i am.
i went on this plan when my gynecologist right before my surgery told me that i MUST loose weight for my laproscopy (i always spell that wrong, im sure of it) also... i seriously did NOT want to be a fat bride. so, in six weeks and twenty pounds less... my incredible wedding dress fit like a glove (it was ordered too small!) and my gynecologist was pleased and the surgery went very well. but now over a year later ive gained back my weight which I lost for my surgery and more. EWWWW! is right. thank goodness my amazing and incredible husband said he loves me no matter what!
its my new found love to cook and my amazing talent to not give a shit (pardon my language) thats put me in the place im afraid to be but darn good ready to leave. my grandmother died at 75 from heart disease which was caused by many years of being obese and diabetic cause she just didn't give a shit (again, pardon my language) im sooo pissed at her cause she could have made a difference in her life if she would have only ate lettuce instead of butter.... and now im doing the same to my body that she had done to hers and i say "HELL NO!" if im going to die at 75 its cause i got hit by a bus, not because i ate myself into disease.

so here goes nothing... bring it on sureslim! and lets get rid of my fat ass so that i can live long enough to piss off my grandchildren and have a sexy body while i do! heehee!

so those of my friends who read this and invite me out for dinner or over for baking, I LOVE you dearly! but im going to say no, cause this new year for me has to be about getting healthy... and stopping the ulcers and gallbladder diseases from starting. i can have decaf coffee though if you're offering!

loves, and healthy eats :)

WOW! I can't believe that the season, that Christmas has already come and gone, and even my first anniversary has come and gone as well. Firstly, Cam and I had such a romantic Keg dinner and was blessed with cards, phone calls and facebook postings, so thank-you to everyone who wished us a happy anniversary! I was very surprised!
Our technically second Christmas, but first here at home was SO wonderful! It was very different from what I remember being the typical "Kroeker Family Christmas" but thats what happens when you move on, get married and aren't a child anymore! hahah... but I sure was over the top spoiled by both sets of parents and family members so THANK YOU TO ALL! I loooove you dearly. I was even very impressed and proud of my wonderful hubby... who bravely walked into my most favorite store (forever yours lingere) and bought me the most gorgeous piece of sexy silky thing... but the story of how he got it was just as fabulous! hahaha...

Now, in about a week and a half I will be back at CBC and in classes, with homework, tests, papers and STRESS! hahhaha.... its going to be wonderful and surreal to be back and Im not prepared at all! But hopefully sometime this week I will be.
Actually, our plan has changed for the New Year. I will be dropping two of my classes and only keeping three. Those classes will be Adult Psychology, Effective Teaching, and Conflict Management. I will also for the moment, be dropping my plan to graduate with a completed diploma in Intercultural Studies. Maybe later on I will change my mind and complete that, but for now... focusing on my BA is the best choice for Cam and I and our future. So then I will be in classes Monday and Wednesday and then working two days in the week, have my weekends off and an odd day for homework, library studying and errands. I think its the best plan possible and helps us out financially... Where will I be working you ask!? well NOT IGA... I will be landscaping! I know! I know... me.... landscaping!??!?!?! But seriously, I believe fully that after some very sore weeks and lots of blood, sweat and tears (literally!) I will find a way to do it. Its the same money I was making at IGA, and I will be working with my hubby! AND Cam looooves the job, so if I love it too... then maybe something can come of that later in life. Who knows!!??!??!?!? Stehr Landscapers sounds kinda catchy right!? You'd hire us... right!? heehee!

I have come to the point that Im alright with the thought of finishing school a little slower than previously planned, even if that means my Masters as well. I believe that things are going to work out for the good and that as long as I don't throw out my dreams and my desire for education then its going to be okay. I don't want Cam and I to risk financial ruin just cause I demand that I need to get things done "NOW!" thats not right. That goes for the baby plans as well as the buying a house plans. I talked to my amazing aunt and uncle who are relators and said that they would LOVE to help us find a house, they have insane connections that could help us out soooo much here in ways other people our age don't have the luxury of. Im thrilled! A house in BC is not out of our reach! It just will take time, money and lots of hard work. But we're up for the challenge.

We hope and wish that you... (whoever reads this, Im sure only a few!) had a fantastic and wonderful Christmas season! and that you have an incredible New Years as well! we're just sticking around home this year for the 31st and hanging out with my brother, Jared, Katherine and some cigars with brandy! mmmmm..... GOD BLESS! :)

Christmas is my most favorite season of the year! I absolutely LOVE every aspect of Christmas, the purpose/reason, the food, the family affairs, dressing up.... buying gifts for loved ones and seeing their expressions, singing carols, drinking hot chocolate or starbucks treats! its all just magical... it reminds me of my childhood, it reminds me every year what life is about and what family is about. This year however, has been very difficult financially, which was completely expected. But expecting and living things are completely different. Ive never been in the position to be completely financially unsure. My parents have always "taken care of me" and now that its between Cam and I, all the sudden I'm petrified for our future. Expecting a certain type of life, and actually seeing the reality of what my life may look like in five years, or where we are going... I have had to re-adjust my expectations. God is seriously working out in my mind what it means to want and to need, what is realistic and over the top and that maybe the brand new home that would be wonderful, may turn out to be a beautifully "lived in project" cause that would be all we can afford.

We just recently came back from Winnipeg to see Cams sister Michele, her husband Scott and their children Jackie (turing 3) and new baby Ashley (3 months). As well, we were there to see Colin (cams brother) and his fiance Jessica. It was a FABULOUS time! However, very VERY cold! The weather network would call for "-26, but will feel like -32" what the heck!?? Why not just say "-32!" The city of Winnipeg has so much character in the types of buildings there are, all nice and brick and lots of murals all over the place. However, the homes that were around where Mikki and Scott live, were not that fabulous on the outside. Because of the harsh winters, the homes look like the weather.... cold and sad. However, even though the outside looks warn and torn, majority of the homes on the inside are cozy and cute! (I looked through lots of realty magazines and tv) The prices of homes there are laughable compared to BC. Its actually made me cry a few times with how less expensive it really is to live in Winnipeg compared to BC. Im really starting to learn and live out the idea of sacrifice. Live here, maybe be able to afford a townhome and be near my family and love the land, weather and community... OR... live in Winnipeg, leave my family, have the perfect home, let our money go a lot further and deal with the harsh winters. Its a hard toss up... does Cam wish to move!?? No way! but the reality of the situation may be that we may be better off there. I have no idea.

Holding Ashley made me seriously want to have children like... now! hahahaah.... she is the most precious and adorable baby girl. but so is Jackie too! to chase her around and give her hugs and try to help her learn about the potty! it was just such a peek into what my future could hold.... and I LOVED it. I had Ashley on my bed almost every morning when Mikki drove Scott to work, it was so special to just have that time holding her and watching her kick, smile and be a happy, adorable baby. I would pick Ashley up more than once and just keep her in my arms for hours, until she needed a feeding. I learned how to keep her quiet while she screamed cause of gas (the football hold and rocking!) and even changed her a few times! I can't wait to visit Jen (cams other pregnant sister) and Dan and their going to be brand new baby boy in Feburary and want babies all over again!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! if I don't post again before then.

O... and Cam and I, thanks to my parents, are going to have the most fabulous anniversary meal and date night tomorrow! I can't believe its been a year already. Man has time passed very very quickly!

lately, life has been GOOOOOOOD! I have been off work for a month already! can you believe it? thats just so crazy! and I haven't looked back. I do not regret quitting, it was absolutely the best move for me! Since learning that I do not have gallbladder disease, Ive been eating MUCH more healthy, and Ive been making better choices. I haven't seen such a big difference on the scale yet, but that will come. Im not going to rush the process... Im just going to take my time so I succeed. Ive been going to massage therapy which has helped so much with my headaches, so thats just perfect that Ive found something thats affordable and perfect for fixing that all consuming problem of migraines.

something that really touched my heart this week was a post that I read on my friends blog. This particular friend has also suffered from Endometriosis and has helped me through my journey of appointments, discovery and surgery. There are times that I forget the process even happened, and then there are times that I very much remember the pain, the actual surgery and feel the scars on my stomach. I remember dr. williams saying that after two surgeries there shouldn't be a third due to scar tissue, and that there is a 30% chance of Endo returning after it has been removed. I also remember the claim that pregancy at most times "cures" Endo. But now I read off my friends blog that she believes her Endo has returned! and she has had two surgeries with dr. williams and had a daughter last year (babies born of Endo sufferers I believe are miracles due to the percentage of infertility associated with the disease). And if you haven't experienced the pain and anguish of Endo, then you really have no way of understanding how devestating this is for her. Please keep her in your prayers as she trys to get answers and help. I hope that above all else, God will cure her and bring her peace and strength to deal with this once again. It keeps me on the look out for myself that mine doesn't return.

Yesterday cam and I put our Christmas tree up! and our lights around our front window.... since we don't have a place to put up lights outside so ppl will see at the front of the house (last year we had a balcony) we decided that the window will be our focal point. Im not sure the tenants before us were this "creative" with the space. Our landlords seem pleasantly surprised by our constant decorating and use of their basement, and our patio.
I'll post a photo later if I remember.

T-minus 13 days until we leave on a jet plane for winnipeg!!!! wahoooo!!!! I have most of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped, cards almost completed and some of my baking done! Im ahead of the game. Lots to do before we go, but Im SO excited for a little mini winter vacation.
Im still looking and hoping that we can get a killer deal to go to Ontario in February to see Jen and Dan, Addie and the new baby boy they have coming in January!

O... update on Cams work. please please please pray for us! that Cam gets steady jobs until Winnipeg and then right back into it for January! Work has been soooo slow this summer, and now all the sudden its almost stopped. we're worried, but know, believe, and understand that God is our provider.

take care! :)

so.. today was the day! i went to see the doctor this morning... and what was the verdict? NO GALLBLADDER DISEASE! no stones! no surgery needed! nothing wrong! hahahaha, I had my mother come in the room with me (yes! sometimes I just need my mommy, even at 24). but mostly it was because I was expecting to be referred to a gallbladder specialist/surgeon. I was expecting to be given a lot of info at one time so I wanted another set of ears in the room with me to absorb all the bad news. But I instead sat there stunned at the lack of information, and the YOU ARE OKAY statement took me for a loop! It must of been aparent in my eyes... cause I was like... really!? Im okay? honestly!? seriously!? what do I do now!? hahaha.... Ive been getting used to there always being something wrong, when instead, now I need to stand strong and own the fact that nothing is wrong, and nothing has to be wrong. Im fine! I might have anxiety and heartburn which is causing discomfort, but thats about it!! so what now!? Loose weight! thats the advice from the doc, and excercise. So! by golly, thats what I will do, and I will be happy and glad to do it. I'll do anything if it means I don't need to be put under again!

so... today... I left the doctors office VERY happy! And yesterday I visited IGA... and left, VERY happy! Ive lately, just been soooooo happy, and sooooo excited for life, and so content in all things, learning a LOT from God and building my relationship with Him, with my husband and with myself. Things are GOOD!

Im excited for Christmas this year! Im extatic to visit Winnipeg to see my sister and brother in laws and my nieces! Im getting my hair cut again tomorrow with some foils too!, so I'll be sexy again! hahahah... Im going to now wrap some Christmas gifts, put up some fun snow flakes and write some Christmas cards! O.. and Ive been fully enjoying my Walmart adventures with my mom this past week! hahaha... Im becoming a very BIG fan of Walmart sales, its perfect for buying gifts to spoil my nieces with! (and soon to be nephew)

LOVES, happiness, smiles and hot cocoa!
Nicole.

this past couple of months have been really stressful again, ive been going through the process with my doctor of trying to figure out why it has been so painful to breathe deeply, and why after certain meals, my chest would just HURT! so... sitting in the doctors office last week, my test results from the ultra sound came in. And?! well, no results that day! GAH! seriously!? i was lectured again in regards to my eating habiats, and was sent home without any real answers. its just been SO confusing these past couple weeks, trying to research and understand whats going on in my body without knowing for sure. And since ive gone through IBS (still am) and the Endometriosis, all effecting what im supposed to eat and not eat, this has begun the all confusing game again of "what to eat and not eat" its just the MOST confusing thing in the whole world to be staring in the fridge and not understanding what to do.... it makes me cry most days! i even told the doc how helpless i feel in this department. he said to eat salads without dressing and no fast food.... FUN! hahhaha... what help! :)

this Friday is when i get to go back, sit down and hear for sure whether or not my test results reveal anything worth discussing.... but last week the doc said that if its gallstones then they won't go away with just diet... but that I HAVE to go on a specific diet regardless to control my symptoms, he said we will address stones when we get the results back but i know what that means... surgery!!!! im not even sure how i feel yet about it.... right now, just confused and helpless and since thats the case, im not doing very well in eating what im being told to eat. im not sure what my problem is... but i did tell cam that this is number three! im just twenty four years old and ive already been through three seperate health issues. this being the third, whatever it is. GAH! it makes me really sad.. yet it makes me really mad at myself too, since gall bladder disease is something that you could theoretically stop yourself. it develops from eating too fatty, not taking care of yourself and if family members have it, you're likly to develop it too.

the doctor once again made it clear that i have to loose weight and finally keep it off. im not sure how to do it this time though... i need to loose quickly again, like i did when i had endo, but im not convinced that SureSlim is the answer this time since i have to stay away from animal fats, cheese and full fat dairy, oils and consume a LOT more veggies and fruit.

im honestly just venting, this blog is more like journal entries... thanks for listening! ill let cha all know whats going on, once im done at the doctors office friday. im nervous.

cheers!

so on monday i went to CBC and it was fabulous to be back! i went into my meeting with Erv with all the positive energy possible. he said that ive completed 73 credits which translates to two complete years of school, and in total i need 129 credits to graduate with the degrees i want. we scheduled out the plan for me graduating and figured out that with just 3 extra credit hours i can actually graduate with both a BA in caregiving/counseling AND a diploma in intercultural studies which is the program i actually started taking at CBC way back in January of 2006. im sooooo thrilled that i can actually leave the school with a degree in ICS as well, its very exciting for me because i hope to be involved in short term missions trips so that type of education is important to me. so when all is said and done, April 2011 i will be walking across the stage in BLUE... then completeing my internship that summer. when i leave CBC i will have a diploma & BA in caregiving & counseling and then a diploma in intercultural studies.

i have been hard core thinking and praying about what is the best possible path for me in regards to a masters degree and the point of time to have children. i think my friends, parents and even cam are humoured by my planning. it just gives me peace to know what the plan is.... to know where im headed and what i want to achieve. im not so calm with the "spontaneous" plan. i feel that finishing a masters degree before children is the best path for me. i will be looking into Trinity Westerns counseling degrees for September 2011... and then would be thrilled if once i graduate with my masters i would be pregnant and ready for family!

my classes this january are going to be HARD! hahahaha... its third year for me so the tough psych classes are coming! where I can't just "wing" it anymore, not that i did all the time anyways.
Adult psychology
Abnormal psychology
Intro to conflict management
Effective teaching (SO SCARED for this class)
World religions

then in late April, after those are done I will be in
Gospel of John
Sexual Ethics
both classes are out the end of April, so they are full time, 5 days a week, like 8 hours a day classes... eeeeekkkk!

Life is looking fantastic these days, and Im preparing the house to go full out Christmas this year! Last year there was the wedding, full time work and the move to Langley by my parents so Christmas was pushed aside by the chaos of life. This year I am SO HAPPY to share that Cam has work up until our Winnipeg trip December 6th, which is the BEST blessing! And so we will both be off work for Christmas, so will my brother Jason... and so far both sets of parents are sticking around BC. So we get a real Christmas this year. And our anniversary, which is coming up FAST, Cam suggested going up to Grouse Mountain for the ice skating and a very romantic dinner. Im excited to make that an anniversary tradition.

well... thats all the fun thats going on lately! Im going to start christmas baking next week! I promised Cam that I wouldn't start the Christmas stuff until November 1st. heehee... and we agreed that the tree can't go up until mid November so I don't go overboard. Mom and I are going Christmas decor shopping tomorrow! hahaha... and I get to see Karen Roeck and Kate today! yipppeeee, and then when the hubbies are off work we're all having dinner together. I can't wait. I think Aaron and Cam are going to hit it off really well.... Its nice to actually go to friends places now with Cam, instead of always having to try to make things work around IGA.

Wow, this is long, and I am thristy!
happy reading...

so im sitting here, watching tv, relaxing and enjoying a very nice glass of rosea wine, which is my favorite... with a little licorice treat. im celebrating the fact that tonight, at 9pm i left the store IGA in my uniform, finishing my last ever shift. and it was definitely bittersweet. i got a boquet of flowers and a card which was super sweet of the girls to put together... and amanda helped me take down the ad, as we talked in the aisles before she left. i got lots of hugs today! which i LOVE and yesterday i almost cried when i said goodbye to whitney and angela.

when i thought of leaving IGA, i only thought about leaving the job. then yesterday happened and i realised, im not just leaving a job... im leaving friendships. its necessary for me to leave. and i know from lots of prayer, that taking these next 9 weeks off before full time school hits, is neccessary too! and vitally important for my health. so...... im taking it in strides, and today, as i stood here infront of my husband, i took a deep breath in and said "im back!"

lately, ive felt like my life has been consumed by only work and i haven't had time to do the things that ive needed to do to foster my abilities, and my gifts. i haven't been to church in over a year in a half!!! can you believe it?? and when what brought you idenity, you're no longer involved in.... when your a christian and your maker gives you your life, and you stop talking to Him.... everything in yourself and life comes crashing down, and you feel so very confused, and so very much NOT like yourself. that is what happened to me. i realised that i allowed myself to be trapped in this very very dark, angry, frustrating place. and finally... ive allowed myself to walk out of that prision and kneel at the cross. im going to Fraserview tomorrow with my family and Cam. To not only see my grandparents but to be joyful in hearing the word. I am extactic to finally get involved again in church.

what else am i extatic about!? the conversation that Cam and I just had recently... about our future, about having children and after im done at CBC, when i will go for a masters degree. its something that Im going to have to decide, and with some counsel from professors who have gone through the same decisions, some long and hard prayer, and a lot more long talks with Cam and probably even my mother, to decide on the fate of my career... a decision will be made. but right now, Im seriously torn. what do i do once CBC is done?! kids!? YES! please! and Cam and I have decided too that once we start we won't finish until we're done for good! so what does that mean exactly!? have one, then wait a year, have another, wait a year, have another wait a year and maybe have a fourth! It will be HARD for a while and I might actually go crazy! heehee, but we're going to have me stay at home full time and be there for our children and live off one income. My plan is... if one is in diapers, then might as well have two in diapers! if one is up at 2 in the morning screaming, might as well have two up in the morning screaming! heehee.... I know, Im crazy... and I know... "once she has her first she will feel differently" ummmm.... I honestly don't think so! hahahahaha....

but then its.... do I go for a masters degree before children (masters takes two years) and then after graduation, have my first baby.... but then I won't pracitce/counsel for like four/five years! or.... I could wait until my youngest is in grade one, go to school full time while my kids are in school and then graduate and start counseling in my mid thirties. The later plan is probably going to be the one I go for.... I have no idea that at that point if I will even be up for it. hahaha, I think so though, I have such a passion for school and educating myself as well as having a career. Its hard though, the passion I have for having children is just a little bit more prominent than my passion to have a counseling career. its a hard decision to make with what passion to follow right away... but because of my Endo, my ovaries aren't "24" they are "31" as my gyno had said, so if I want kids, the younger I have them... the better!

well... this is long and full of my hopes and dreams I guess!
take care y'all, Im going to finish my wine and dig into my licorice! yuuuuuuumy!
xoxoxox

Its bittersweet to me that this saturday is my last day at Marketplace IGA, Im honestly sad to leave some of my co-workers, Ive grown close to Anglea, Whitney, Amanda. These past couple of months have finally felt like home there at the store, unfortunately, things like this never last and it is definitely time for me to move on.

Im excited for my time off! I seriously need it. Im very very eager to start baking, cleaning/organizing our place, paint, see my friends I wasn't able to see before. Im so glad to have my weekends back and especially my Sundays! Cam and I have agreed that we will start attending the free evangelical church in Langley and are happy that friends attend there so it will be easier to become involved.

Also I am EXTATIC to start attending CBC again, I know that like each year, the campus is very very different since the last time I attended. But its going to be AMAZING to be back there. Hanging out with my friends that I miss and attending the classes that I am soooo excited to start studying for! (yep! I am seriously excited to study) Its going to be GOOD.

I can't believe also that last week (the 15th) marked one year since my endometriosis surgery. I have not had to take pills other than the occassional advil for cramps this whole year which is actually amazing for me. I have not had any problems what-so-ever regarding my endo, it is so far... gone for good! and PRAISE GOD for that.

Off to bed for me! Im wiped, made home-made pizza for the hubby and brother tonight. I need to sleep now for day four of five left at work.

wahoooo! I booked my ultrasound for November 3rd! Im thrilled that I can get in so soon, considering most waiting lists for tests Ive been on are like one-three months long. This should be good, and interesting. I did a little "test" today at work, I didn't bring my lunch and ate really high fat food. Like an egg salad sandwhich and chocolate bar, it was yummy! But I wanted to see what would happen afterwards, I mean, according to the doc and what I was reading last night. The pain that Ive been experiencing, if gallbladder pain, should be focused after eating, under my right ribcage and would be throbbing, etc... and YEP! wow it hurt... A LOT! so Im going to try and keep experimenting while waiting for my test, on different kinds of food, mainly meats, dairy products and wheat. And keep a journal and see what I can do... I mean, if it is gallstones and I can control it with diet, that might mean no surgery in the future. If that is even what may happen. I just want to see if I can control it with what I eat.... or, well, not eat.

but yipppeee.... ultra sound in three weeks! :)

AND.... CAM GOT OUT OF JURY DUTY! PRAISE GOD! its such an answer to prayer, so thank you to all who have put in a little "dear God, please..." for us, we appreciate it so much!

smiles and yawns

well.... I went to see my doctor today! I got a refill on my birth control which was much needed, and had a good talk with the doc. Im becoming very impressed with him, he misdiagnosed my endo for so many years so that made me so upset and unwilling to see him. Until all this stuff started to happen.

Anyways, so what went on? I have a form of rosacea its primarily on my left cheek, but it will most likly get worse and spread, depending on how soon I can find creams and oils to control it. My mother has it, and Ive apparently had it for about two/three years but didn't know what it was until it start to seriously flare up due to the hormones in this particular birth control. Thank goodness I caught it now, Im experimenting with creams... it should be interesting. There is no cure or magic cream to get rid of it... but Im okay with having it. My mom has had it all my life, so Ive seen her learn to control it and cover it with make-up so I will too.

what else? good news! my GI Tract test came back completely normal! YIPPEEE!!! so that was a praise to God. But the bad news now, is that Im going in for an ultra sound of my Gallbladder, he thinks that I have Gall stones, and that Im suffering from a combination of Gallbladder attacks and panic/anxiety attacks. So we're going to find out whether or not that is the cause, Ive been researching all day to see if it fits from the info Im finding online, and it does. Perfectly! So, it may mean surgery, but we'll wait to see. Ive found some diets that sound helpful so I will try that out and see what I can do to stop the attacks. They last for hours!

Its funny, my mother also had Gallbladder attacks and Gall stones and had surgery to remove her Gallbladder, so this doesn't scare me at all. I actually will have complete peace if this is the problem cause Ive seen my mother deal with it, I KNOW that I can too... it just means that I need to get smart and take care of myself and do what I need to do to get healthy, cause a sick Gallbladder is NOT fun.

so thats the update! its good and bad news, but I honeslty feel completely at peace with pursuing the possibility of these diagnosis'

thanks to everyone for their prayers during this very confusing and painful time in my life!
loves and smiles :)

just a quick one before Cam and I are off to our date night movie (toy story double feature!) this is a very BIG prayer request, please please please. Im actually not even nervous about it... there is a lot of peace, espeically since Ive previously been worrying about everything and its completely out of my control.

But Cam has been summoned for Jury Duty, he faxed in a letter stating how its going to dramatically hurt us financially which it ABSOLUTELY WILL! so please pray that he is either excused, or else the trial that he is assigned to, if chosen... will be quick.

thanks lots and lots
smiles, and pumpkin smells (i got this wonderful candle thats been burning all day long! yummy)

colie.

ITS OFFICIAL! My last day at IGA is October 24th, Rob asked me what my absolute last day is going to be and well... like Cam and I intended, that shall be the last day. I have very mixed emotions about it. I am very nervous to be on one income, even though I need to step back and allow God and Cam to take care of me financially. But then I am THRILLED to get some time off, I was go go go at school trying to complete what was the worst year I had ever had at CBC in terms of grades, and well personal health issues and the like.
Then Cam and I decided to get engaged, I volunteered to work full time and BAM! Im at IGA right after April of 2008 straight out of full time school. It has been one overwhelming/stressful thing after another. So to stay home and clean, cook, grocery shop (and search for the best deals), take care of my husband but mostly myself. Will be the BEST thing for me right now. I have decided that like before, my passion to try and start painting has resurfaced. Therefore, after purchasing an art kit from Costco (Cam wants me to explore my artistic side again) my desire to try and paint will finally be reality. I also am interested in running, learning to cook better and bake, explore more vegetarian meal ideas. I discovered that while talking to Alissa the other day that I truly just want to be the "typical house wife" at least for now thats what I desire for myself. I still want to complete school and obtain a masters degree so I can work part time, I desire to do that as well, very much so, counselling I mean. But also being able to take care of my home, my husband, eventually children at home... is exactly what I wish for myself.

Right now however, I will finish my three weeks and three shifts. I will take my two months off to find myself again, to heal... and then I will go back to school and finish so I can walk across that stage again in a blue cap and gown!!! yipppeeee.... I know that its all I talk about lately, but seriously, its all thats going on and all Im thinking about. I need to regain a life!

well. Im exhausted and hubby is already in bed, I better join him.

Hugz and Im seriously excited for the rain :)

so!!! I went in for that GI tract test today... and although I looked online for what it might be, it was still kinda awkward. They called my name along with three others and took us into a room with people sitting down on one side, and little change rooms on the right and straight ahead of where we entered the room. Then the "nurse" proceeded to say "you, shirt off.." and hand people gowns, then she came to me... "you, everything off but underwear and shoes" GREAT! thanks, Im the only one that actually had to completely tie up the back of the very awkward hospital gown. O well....

I waited....

then I was called into another room by a gentleman that had such a thick accent I could barely understand what he was saying. He was at least nice enough to repeat himself... I was told to stand on a platform thing which had a strange, tall backing to it and an obvious x-ray machine infront. Then given a pouch of crystal like things to swallow with so little water I was almost choking, I was told not to burp when the purpose of the stuff was to create gas in my stomach! then given another wonderful, white, thick, heavy, chalky, awful glass of something to swallow. ekkkk... it was gross.

The first thing the doc said to me when he came into the room even was "you're too young to have acid reflex", well thanks doc, just take the photos so I can burp already. They took them, and that "tall like backing" moved and made me lie down, where he took more photos. that kinda freaked me out, they took close to like 15 photos. and my doctor gets them on Tuesday. so I guess we will see what turns up. But there was a screen that I could peek at every now and then which showed the doctor in the room what he was taking photos of, Im pretty sure I saw my heart! it was so cool.

it was gross and Im glad its over, but soooo not even worth the smallest worry, surgery was definitely much worse!

**yawn** time for bed
thoughts and prayers
Nicole.

ps. brandon left for Germany this past wednesday and is gone for seven months. he won't even be back for christmas, please pray for him and his safety and that he has the best experience possible at bible school over there. i already miss him :'(

WE ARE GOING TO WINNIPEG! on December 6th - 13th, it was almost a no go, but we looked into some flights and got a pretty good deal!! so we are thrilled, we will get to meet our new niece Ashley and have an early Christmas with family there. We are sad that we won't be able to see Jen, Dan and Addie :'( but thats the next place after Colin & Jessica's wedding for us to save up and visit.

It actually just occured to me the other day that I have family in Winnipeg and Ontario, before it was just "o yah, Cams siblings live an airplane away" now... its finally hitting me that they are my siblings too! and that they live so far away! so now Im sooo excited to visit my sister-in-laws place and be with family, my family, that live outside of BC.

its been a little while since ive posted... but things at work are a lot better, the test file is all back to the way it should be. but angela and i have a lot of telezoning to do to make sure that the store is perfect. my goal is to complete the store before i leave in october (8 weeks and one shift left!!!!!!!).

mom and dad and the brothers came back on thursday, and it was so nice seeing them. actually our weekend was jam packed with fun things. we went out for sushi with jason, mom and dad on friday. and mom brought me back the most BEAUTIFUL Guess purse from california. i have recently found that i am such a sucker for Guess purses, i splurge with my birthday or christmas money! a designer purse is just so much fun and a lot more practical for me considering they last forever and cheap ones only last a season.

then on saturday we went canoeing with cams parents to somewhere in mission. it was fun but ive still been so exhausted lately that i was so tired. but the view and the weather was gorgeous and it was the last available time to do it this summer. hopefully we'll do a better trip next summer with them. but the boat felt like it was going to tip over.
(side note: kort, I took a pregnancy test!!! it was negative, so im not tired cause of that)

sunday we FINALLY went to check out our first church. we're wanting to get involved and actually attend a church, and i am SO excited to finally be able to do that once i leave IGA. i haven't had a home church since i left for CBC back in 2006. thats just unacceptable to me. CBC was my "church" and home until i left for work and got married, now working at 6am every other sunday doesnt allow time for getting involved. plus, we just moved to langely this summer. but we found one we LOVED and that trevor (cams best man) attends with his wife and little son. so we took off to the beach with them for lunch afterwards, their little jayden is adorable. we found out from them that the churches youth pastor is moving back to UK... interesting i thought and gave cam that "you should think about this" look. so prayer for if that position would be in Gods will for cam or not. after the beach we went grocery shopping (my fave) and then out to dinner and bowling with Jared and Katherine and my little bros. its always SO much fun to hang out with Jared and Katherine, we talked lots about their wedding plans and it sounds like this summer is going to be a fun one with their wedding to attend, cams brothers wedding to attend as well. Lots of "i do's" next summer!

monday it was back to work for 6am and now this morning im typing before i take off for work in 45 min. cam is working now irrigation once in a while for a guy named Scotty, it would be VERY appreciated for you guys to pray for us that cam continues to get work. Sue has had a rough summer with getting jobs, so the money we were really counting on to help us through the winter isn't exactly there. i am for sure leaving IGA in october for school in january and some much needed time off before a crazy year and a half in school, im worried but trusting and trying very hard not to go crazy and stress about the potential lack in money flow. i know in my head that God will provide but my heart needs strong reminders. I am thankful though that Sue has hired me on for the spring to work landscaping part time when i get out of school!!! i hope and pray that there will be more work next year, for both cam and i in her company. i am also hoping that she will teach me some of her office work and let me help her out in that way.

well, thats it for now! this week has been busy and this weekend im working file again, MSO! maybe next week will be more exciting :)

so i seriously had the WORST weekend ever! like it doesn't get any worse than this. i got to work, walked up to the office where i have the little file work space, which is now more mine than it was friday (richelle, my file buddy left me and quit **sniff sniff**) so now its just angela and I, and I LOVE her. shes fantastic, shes super sweet and kind and knows all the tricks of the trade which has made my life SO much better and A LOT less stressed.

but anyways, back to yesterday. so there were flowers for me on the desk with the most adorable letter from richelle about how she loved working with me "RICHELLE! I loved working with you too!!!!" then Lee walks up with a million and one things for me to do, so Im thinking "thank goodness I got all my weekend prep stuff done on Thursday" I was also informed that I was short a cashier due to her baby troubles at home.

so all is well, i got what Lee needed done, signs and tickets were hung, life was good aside from my pounding headache. until I scanned a Set For Life ticket and it rang up 1 dollar. "odd" I thought. I went to change it back to 4 dollars and thought maybe someone screwed it up while building it in. No biggie, little did I know, HUGE biggie.

I was called to the deli where four lovely co-workers of mine (no seriously they are great, and I will miss them when I leave) informed me that their cakes and random deli products where scanning in at a dollar... this was the exact moment of complete and utter PANIC!!!! I looked Nakita in the eye and said "SHIT! I don't know how to fix this!" "I have no idea what items are scanning in at a buck and which aren't" Until genious of them to figure out that all the cakes were test items (items not in the computer, that I need to manually add in) turns out that ALL and I mean HUNDREDS of items from every department were ringing in at a dollar.

So... I called Lee, then I called our support, then Lee, then Dave from support called me, then I panic called Angela who didn't pick up... then I finally phoned Rob who was already on his way. He was crazy calm when I was a storm of panic/stress/furry and harsh regret thinking it was all my fault. I literally sat at a table on my break and Nakita came to give me a side hug and invited me out drinking (I didn't go)

Angela finally rescued me at 7:30pm or so that night and came to the store. we are on it with fixing the problem but we have to do it all manually.... its THE WORST! but we're almost all ready there in completely fixing it. so the hubby and I had take-out as well as an attempted calm and relaxing night so I can de-stress because I was sure stressing ALL day yesterday and most of today.

now... BED! i sure need a looooooong sleep before Im up at 5am for books in the morning.

today was such a nice relaxing day, it was weird though cause I just couldn't get enough sleep. I had to keep going back to bed, I had three naps! Mom and Dad are gone with Jason and Brandon to California. Its so weird to have them go on vacation without me. For so long no matter what was going on in my life, I always went with them, they are the most fun to go on vacation with. But this year, its different! New last name, new hubby... Cam and I just can't do it this year considering next summer is going to be packed with trips and all. For Jessica and Colins wedding, SO excited to travel to Winnipeg to spend time with the family. Actually Mikki is having her second, due in two and a half weeks! Im secretly hoping for a boy, so I can spoil a nephew with tonka trucks and nerf guns. But another neice would be so much fun as well, more cabbage patch kids and sparkly glitter.

so this Friday is the count down to ten weeks until I leave IGA. Its seriously bittersweet to leave. I have been SO blessed with that job, the 40 hrs, the pay, the security was/is so wonderful. But school and finishing a BA is much more important to me. I don't want to be an IGA lifer, I have plans, plans that I truly feel directed to complete, plans that I feel more passionate about than I ever thought possible. The file was and is so much fun to do, and now Im trying to get on landscaping with Cams boss Sue for some hours in spring/summer of next year. I have no idea where I will end up with work before a masters is complete. But the journey and trying something new with a LOT more freedom is what I truly need. I can't stand the confinement of shift work, its unreal how it truly takes over your life. I feel like I haven't been able to do anything for the past year and a half. I have felt trapped and thats NOT how I chose to live anymore, counseling will be soooo much more relaxed and freeing when I eventually get there, but also so will landscaping. Sue is AMAZING! the best boss I have known in a long time. She called my brother Brandon to work because the team wanted to take him out to the bar on their lunch break and treat him to a beer for his 19th birthday. What other boss does that? No... seriously!

Well... I have a prayer request if you don't mind. Im not sure if Ive posted much about it, but Ive been feeling sick again. Lots of chest pressure/pain and so I went to the doctor finally, with a lot of concerns about it. My mom told me its probably heart burn, which I agreed. But taking tums does such a huge number on my stomach so I never take them. So, the doctor grilled me with questions... including what I have and haven't been tested for. I was SO impressed because finally it seems like the guy cares. I am being sent for whats called a GI test, at some imaging place in Langely so Im assuming that its going to be a drink that I have to take and then some sort of scan. Its apparently supposed to show whether or not I have an ulcer or some other problem in my esophagus. Only my appointment is September 18th, and I got the appointment a week ago! always so long to wait for these things. I am a little nervous cause I feel like throwing up ALL the time, and Im sure Im not pregnant (whew!) Im also getting my stomach pains back. grrrr.... no cramps though so it cant be endo. Im thinking of going back on my strict no wheat, no sugar thing to see if thats whats doing the damage. Its just SO frustrating, like this stupid sick thing never ends. Please just consider me in your prayers that if something is wrong that it is caught and treated, and if not, than I can just control whatever sensitivity I have with diet.

**yawn** bed time again!
cheers :D
Nicole.

last night was so much fun! cam and i went to his ten year highschool reunion and i had some great talks with some of cams friends wives. one had a five month old son, jullian and he was adorable. it was just so great to spark up conversations with people i have never met but strangely felt completely comfortable with. i might have even been the youngest wife there! heehee. it felt like everyone there was older than me, with a kid, or two. but it was so much fun. one of the wives and i talked about so many personal things, it was crazy! and her friend is going into the same counseling field as i want to go into, so that was interesting!

but yah, so now today cam and i are going to potters because its a 50% off sale! which is super exciting for cam. and then we're going grocery shopping for me! (because Im getting recipies for coconut cream pie and chimichangas) Im making mommy stehr her b-day dinner tomorrow!

going to eat cereal, then we're off!

smiles :)

I am really tired! camping was so much fun, and once I have some more time to post some pictures I definitely will. Cameron, Jason, Brandon and I headed out to Clearwater, specifically Dutch Lake on Wednesday, the 5th and then stayed until today, the 10th. We woke up this morning to rain, rain and more rain! Cam had to jump out of our tent around 3am to prevent a lot of our things from getting wet. We had a sweet set up though with tarps, two picnic tables, two coleman stoves and although we weren't allowed to have a fire, we made the best of it.

Yesterday was full of hot hot sun and a beautiful sky, all the boys got a little bit more red than they wanted. I got really red as well, but ventured into the shade just in time I think. On Saturday night we had a wicked thunder/lightning show. That was soooo nice and fun to watch, under our tarp with hot chocolate and marshmellows. My diet was pretty well thrown out the window, but thats alright. I start back up again tomorrow.

We found the BEST diner type resturant, Greys Inn just across the hwy from our camping site. The food was incredible and very very reasonable. We are keeping that in mind for the next time we're around that area.

As well, I got the BEST phone call from my soon to be sister-in-law Jessica Noel who is Cam's, younger brother Colin's, fiance. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids! :D and I am SUPER SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! The wedding is August 14th, 2010.
And Im really thrilled because I should have at least a week/ten days in Winnipeg for Jess and whatever it is she needs help with, hanging out with the family, seeing my new nieces or nephews that should be coming this fall/winter, Michele is due in the fall, Jen in the winter. SOOOO excited for whats in store next summer/next year.

I better get in the shower, and then in bed. Another day off work tomorrow to relax a bit more and then its back to IGA, I should probably call for my hours! heehee.

Blessings and hugz.

My mom text messaged me (we constantly text message, its our "thing") that I had to promise her to check out the http://www.joycemeyers.com/ online tv sermons that you can watch on the website. And so I tried watching a few the other day, and too bad that I had to leave for work cause in that 28 minutes my entire outlook on things changed! Its just that I guess I haven't been focused on the true things in life. Its hard when you feel like you've lost yourself, thats exactly how I've felt lately.

Okay... so enough of my "diary blabbing" whats coming up for us? We are going CAMPING! with the family... well, with my brothers. Mom and Dad can't come cause they are already taking time off for Palm Dessert this August (lucky butts!).

As well, I can officially announce (since I told my boss this morning) that I will be leaving IGA the first week of November and take some time off to visit family, and study my butt off because....... IM GOING BACK TO CBC FULL TIME IN JANUARY! yipppeee.. Im sooooo excited. The plan is also for me to complete my Masters Degree very soon afterwards and study to be a Christian Counselor where I can work pretty well anywhere (church, school, own practice). I will be cramming three semesters hopefully into two, and do some correspondance next summer with a "sister college" of CBC's from Alberta. We'll see how it works out, I still need to complete an internship as well. Its going to be sooo hard, so I definitely need to start doing something in my routine to handle stress.

loves and hugs all!
Nicole

ps. me and the boys went to the Kutless concert on Sunday and it was AWESOME! very upbeat, one of those types that gets you teary.

okay... so since I have some time I can now blog about the past adventures in the lives of well, my hubby and I. Not entirely interesting, but here it goes.

July 1st... it didnt even feel like a stat holiday since that was MOVING DAY! which was wonderful to say the least. Cams best man at the wedding, Trevor came to help out, that was awesome. We also had the help of brother Jason, My parents and Cams parents! wow! karen (my mother in law) also prepared lunch so I wouldn't have to worry about it. It was fantastic! now... just piles upon piles of boxes and I seriously have no motivation right now, its Cam doing all the work.

July 3rd... crunch time to get to Dawson Creek before night fall on the fourth. So what crazy thing do we do? Leave at 3:35am for the looooong drive over there. We arrive at 5:25pm. And you can see the sleeplessness in my eyes, lack of shower, lack of nutrious food... everything in all the photos of that day. We also found out that Nicole + roads that twist & turn + lack of gravol = the need of a puke bucket and serious pill popping. I had no idea I got so sick on road trips like that, I don't remember it as a kid. But... well, now we MUST have gingerale, crackers, gravol, advil, water, food, bucket in order for me to get through it.

July 4th... WEDDING! and Carlene was GORGEOUS! sooo happy that we made it and that we got to see Mike, Anita and Cat again. It was sweet, and fantastic.

July 5th... MY 24TH BIRTHDAY! and another horrible day in the car. At least my hubby treated me to presents in the morning and a Tim Hortons breakfast. We left Dawson Creek that morning at 10:30am ish and arrived in Kelowna for 9:30pm. lots of rain so camping was outta the question even though it was our original plan. Here we are, sad to be leaving Dawson Creek.

July 6th.. we decided to stay one day in Kelowna and saw TRANSFORMERS! for my birthday cause well, I loooooove transformers (thats what growing up with boys will do to ya). It was awesome! so impressed by the film. Then a really nice dinner and a swim in the pool followed by lots and lots of relaxing.

July 7th... on the road again! towards HOME! we got home early afternoon and crashed.

Then a couple days Cam and I had off work together, to just re-adjust to life in our new place and unpack some boxes and try to relax before life started again. We will definitely NOT do that again unless, like Carlene, its someone we truly care for. That was soooo exhausting, what we thought was going to be a nice drive and a nice vacation turned into a tired, sickly mess. We both came away with such horrible headaches, fuzzy/dizzy minds and an aching body along with the ever pressing desire to throw up! And now I have a really bad cough and sore throat. So... we hope next year will free us up financially to do something a little bit more relaxing. Even though Winnipeg is definitely a must

since......

CONGRATS TO CAMS BROTHER COLIN WHO JUST GOT ENGAGED!!!! and to Jessica, who has been pretty well apart of the family since I have. So we are SO GLAD to have them be official and to welcome the new Mrs. Stehr!

loves and blessings to everyone! :)

the Stehrs

hey peeps! so, its been a while, and well... its been exhausting. No worries pictures will come soon of the new place, once the unpacking is done.
We went to Carlenes wedding which was wonderful and beautiful, up in Dawsons Creek!!!!! We are now back, and to our jobs and trying to juggle everything involved with life right now.

so this is going to be just a quick one to let you know that Im still here... that Im loving life, Im stressed and sickly so please pray for me.

Also, please keep my very good friend Alissa Dueck and her family in your prayers, her father recently passed away and it breaks my heart that this incredible family is in such pain.
Love you Alissa, **hugz**

blessings!

well... the move is complete. we are IN! and i am beyond THRILLED! its wonderful to be out of the in-laws place and finally into our own space. SOOOO EXCITED to move things around, get organized and decorate. im just overly excited to be in my own space, i love my in-laws but to be in my own place is just fantastic. i am too independant to live with any form of parents anymore. and i am sooooo excited to start cooking again. its honestly my new hobby and passion, i just love to cook! and ive come to realise how picky i am with my meals. but then again, im getting sick again... like REALLY sick again :'( so things are going to have to desperately change once again... o well, im committed to making it work and not letting it ruin my life any longer.

well... Cam is unloading boxes and although im so frustrated at everything right now because its so overwhelming. i feel so guilty leaving him to do all the work. so... here i go, getting off the super ugly couch that must be replaced! hahaah...

loves and hugs.

WE GOT THE PLACE! the one that I was describing in the previous post. We got it! And the best, most crazy part? Well, let me tell the story, since I love telling it!

After a very exhausting and horrible day of packing, Cam came home to pick me up and we went down to this new place to take a look at this newly renovated, pretty in the photos basement suite. However, we've been through that before and were extremely dissapointed before, so I didn't want to get our hopes up.
We knocked on the door, and this young guy (only a few years older than Cam) holding this adorable little girl answered. He was really friendly, really nice and I breathed a sigh of relief! He took us to the suite, around the side of the house (which has its OWN patio and private cemented area with a fence) and let us in. The moment I stepped through the entrance (which are french doors!) I LOVED it. Lamenant flooring in the kitchen, beautiful fireplace with mantel, good size family area, an island in the kitchen which actually IS a kitchen, has the best fridge around and a great dishwasher and stove. We then moved to the bedroom which is such a great size and has cable... the other bedroom which has such a cute stacker washer/dryer and then the super small but adorable bathroom. We turned around to the guy and asked "what is the next step? we want to rent this!"

As Jon was explaining, he stopped and asked Cam (who has his youth worker shirt on) what a youth worker was? where did he go to school? are you guys christian? Yes, we're christian! we stated a little unsure where he was going with it.
Then it comes out that he goes to Cams parents church! He works at Langley Christian High and the family that lives across the street from them also know the Stehrs... Weird we say... then give them our info. They said they would call but another couple are interested too... they need to discuss it.
So... we head off to White Spot, and then two hours later. They call and what do we find out? Cams sister Michele had graduated with Jon and his wife. Christy (his wife) hung out with Michele in gym class in grade nine!! and a lady that Jons mom works with knows Cams family!!! They then state that they are looking at Cams grade nine photo as they sit there speaking to us on their home phone.
we're like WHAT!????
The next thing was like music to my hears "we want to reserve you guys! come over in a couple days and if you bring us your deposit we would LOVE for you guys to be our renters"

so there you go... what an incredible answer to prayer huh?!

We went over the other day to sign their rental agreement, and give them our deposit so we can secure the suite for July 1st. They said they are so thrilled to have us as their tenants and we're so thrilled to have them as our landlords. We ended up staying over there for about two hours just talking and realised that we have a lot in common!

God is seriously good, because situations like this, I believe, never occur without Him. Things like this have been happening left right and center for my family and my life with Cam. Its unbelieveable how God has provided, and blessed us. Im beyond words, this season of life is absolutely the most wonderful. So... I'll post some pic once we finally make it our own.

But for now, since we're living with Cams parents, there will be no access to internet unless I walk down to my parents house which I will do on a regular basis. So.... call me if you wish!

hugs and loves!
The Stehrs :)

wow! its been a while... and come on, no comments!? :P just bugging...

so whats new? Um... still haven't found a place "officially" we LOVE this one place (at least we love the online photos, whats included, the price and location) its all that we're looking for. BUT we haven't seen it yet, we haven't put money down on it yet, and its not available until July 1st. SO! we're hoping to see it tomorrow after Cam is off work, and that means if we get it **fingers crossed** we'll be staying with Mom and Dad Stehr until then. SURPRISE MOM!
it should be allll good, Im actually really looking forward to the bonding time with my new folks. I haven't had the opportunity to be that close to them, so its all exciting to me! But if this place falls through, then we're back to square one with searching. We're not too worried, just had enough and want to settle down.

so it was one of my best friends birthday last friday and we went to her party. im really sad cause she hasn't found a job around here yet (she is from Ontario and doesn't want to go back) but no job equals no income and no money to live here or pay for school next semester, so.... shes in a tight spot, and I HATE seeing her in that tight of a spot. Its actually a very common thing to hear around here, CBC students without summer jobs. Im SO thankful for the work that Cam and I have... even my good friend Amy's husband has no job and she has to go to school in September, her PDP which is impossible to get accepted to. She got in!!! And now the hubby has to take over the job of "bringing home the bacon" but there is no work in his trade. What to do? Other than just completely rely on God. Please keep these very special people in your heart and prayers, I hate to see them living out this terribly difficult season.

As well, Jason, my brother just got layed off work. Please pray for him and that he finds a job soon. He is at a cross road as to what to do for his career, stay with the Union? Or venture out, go to BCIT and move forward quicker. If only he can find that job!!

other than the realization of the recession things are going really well! my long-time friend and practical cousin Karen Roeck (used to be Ens) just had her first baby this morning at 5am! CONGRATS YOU GUYS! LOVE YOU LOTS! The babys name is Katlyn Margaret Roeck and she was 7lbs 12oz or so. We visited them at the hospital tonight and Karen is glowing and Aaron couldn't keep his hands off his daugther. What a cute family.

I will leave you with some fun photos from Julies birthday... Take care all and have a happy Tuesday!

hey peeps! well... there is a LOT going on right now in the lives of us, the new Stehr newlyweds.

1. We put in our notice to leave our place here in Abby for May 31st, we have no place to live however and are panicked that we'll end up in one of our parents basements! please pray for us to find a suite FAST! thats cheap, good location, has laundry and amazing landlords.

2. Cam is back to work! and since we are in Abby for now, we're both waking up at 6:15am to make the drive out to Langley so Cam can be at work for 7:30am and I can be at IGA whenever my shift starts. We're spending a LOT of time at my parents right now cause mom takes Brandon and Cam to work and I hang out there until my shift starts and pick Cam up when its done. We haven't had dinner at our place in about two weeks!

3. We are coming up with some future plans and goals, this is all very very exciting and terrifying and crazy stressful all at the same time. When we finally understand what these goals look like... we'll let cha know! Mostly its me figuring out what I want to do once Cindy gets back to IGA and my year commitment and responsibilites are done.

4. We are planning two vacations this summer! Nothing too crazy cause we're going to be saving up our money like mad this summer. But we're going to my friend Carlene's wedding on July 4th and since thats the day before my birthday and its in Dawson's Creek. We are ROAD TRIPPING! SOOOO excited!! And on the way back after the wedding we are going to do some wine tastings in Kelowna or Pentiction. Its going to be fun fun fun! Then we're camping in August with my brothers, fishing, drinking some beer, BBQ'ing, the works!

Life is looking great like usual... we have some very exciting times ahead, I feel like life is going to start at any moment and be amazing!!! But then I forget that it already is! :)

Update on my doctors appointment, it went well. There IS something wrong that I need some meds for, but I will NOT go into it so do not ask! No surgery needed though, so thats fantastic!! I still think that something is wrong with my stomach/chest/lungs. I need to see a doctor for it, but Im not sure how to go about it quite yet. Pretty well stress is taking over my entire body and messing it up. Thats the ultimate problem, so I need to figure out what my life needs to look like in order for me to control it and stop the medical problems. Lots of discipline, self discovery and journaling in store for me this year... its my goal to fix everything before Cam and I are ready for kids. Thats about two years then, its going to take time. But I need to do this for myself and my future, my husband and family. Pretty well if I keep up what Im doing Im probably just going to be sick and get sicker for the rest of my life, my body is just waay to sensitive.

Alright. Time to put together some food and go out to get my mothers some presents for tomorrow, Im really excited to celebrate them!!!!

Lots of love and hugs!

O.. and YAY for Third Day! Cam and I get to go to the concert tonight with a bunch of friends for REALLY cheap! Front row too! I'll brag about it tomorrow :P

i was going through my wedding photos today... just to take a peek again, i loooove looking at them because they make me feel sooo beautiful and so loved. it was such a magical and wonderful day! Especially with the snow.

but i came across this photo of my dad and WOW it captures the exact essence of my father. i looove my daddy, im such a daddys girl. i adore him, and i am sooo thankful because as of yesterday my dad has officially been hired on to Microplex once again! YIPPEEEE! praise the Lord, my father has a job. and we are thrilled. it means so much to me, and cameron that my father has work and stability, just more proof of how good God has been and the blessings he's given to my father, mother and us. so now we can all breathe a little easier!

God is good... all the time! amen!

love, hugz and fuzzy thoughts!

yesterday as my name was called i walked across the stage at Northview Church in red, i had a funny hat on with a tassel that read "2009" and was given a folder with my name written on a piece of fancy paper indicating that i, yes, i indeed have succeeded in completeing a diploma in Caregiving & Counseling at Columbia Bible College. actually, two faculty members asked me if i wanted my named changed on my diploma because it read Nicole Kroeker, I replied "no, its exactly the way I want it".

why!? because i came into CBC as Nicole Kroeker, and i changed my major to Counseling and Caregiving as Nicole Kroeker, and i completed my diploma as Nicole Kroeker. So therefore, that name is staying attached to that particular accomplishment.

i didn't think that yesterday was going to affect me the way that it did. i kept telling everyone, including myself that its "not a big deal, this is Cams big grad, its not mine". but then as Doug Epp and my favorite professor, Gay Lynn Voth spoke at the dinner i started to break down in tears. This place, this home... is never going to be the same. Yes, I will walk these halls again in January and i will walk them proudly, but i will not have as many people who will stop me for a hug. i will not have my incredible roommates bug the heck out of me, and i will not take all of my meals in the cafeteria at that particular table anymore. its done! my degree may not be completed but my time at CBC the way i once knew it, was/is over. and that realisation is a very heartfelt one to experience. my beloved friend Julie and my "other brother" Dave are still going to be there when i return, there is thankfully tremendous comfort in that fact. but no longer will i have conversations with Carlene about our weddings and psych classes, no longer will there be Ryan to bug, or the Nolte couple to joke around with in the halls. Jackie is moving on, and so it changes.

So the question being asked is .... What am I doing now?
Im going back and completeing a Bachelor of Arts degree in January, to me, a diploma is just NOT good enough... I will hopefully do some correspondance throughout the summer next year so I can continue to work and also so that I don't burn out and graduate when I want to (with Julie!)
I will then go on to a Masters Degree, Im looking and planning on the program at Trinity Western in ACTS.
we'll see... these are my plans, but well... we all know how plans can change.

Love and prayers... with lots of reflection today.
Nicole Stehr

lately ive been thinking a lot about my future. i guess one of my faults is that i always want to know whats coming around the corner, i always want to know what to expect. i LOVE surprises, but when it comes to my life and my future i want to be "in the know". which in most cases is absolutely ridiculous and completely impossible. this is why im convinced that God is going to throw a baby into the mix when i least expect it, (no! im not pregnant).

why have i been thinking about tomorrow? about two months, six months, a year from now? i guess cause im bored?! (i get bored very easily), or maybe because i know that what i wake up to do today isn't what im supposed to do tomorrow, or a year from now, or even eight months from now. i know that there is this incredible plan that i can see but just can't hold yet and thats whats so crazy exciting to me.

school... i ADORE school. i never, ever! thought that'd be me. i never thought that i would be the book worm, the psychology major, i never pictured myself trying to stay in school for the longest time possible, but i want to. and well... i will.
my dream goal? a PhD in psychology. and i seriously don't care if i reach that at 60 years old. i don't care that i may have to put school off when that pregancy comes completely out of the blue (im telling you its going to be the biggest surprise at the most unreal time!) at the very least I'll put my Masters Degree off. i KNOW that counselling, or what my friend said... social work is my future. and although i have the "plan" on the horizons, i still don't know what is around the corner and in a lot of ways that scares the crap out of me. but at least i know that once i turn the corner i have a strong sense of where i want to be and who i will be. and at least i know that by the time im in my thirties and finished my masters degree and talking in highschools, youth groups, community centres to girls about pre-marital sex, eating disorders, drug abuse, body abuse and more... i'll have seen more, know more, be more mature to deal with what will come my way. did i mention im excited and eager to get started?

i guess i just realised the other day while driving to work... that i know exactly who i am. i know exactly who i live for and know exactly where i am going in life. i know exactly what i want, and why i wake up everyday... and no one, not even the circumstances in my life and the people in my life that have tossed me around can take that away. this realization is incredibly empowering, and such a huge blessing!

im ranting, and my steak is waiting... so....

love and hugs!

ps. please pray for Cam and I, that we find a place around Langley, a cute, affordable home with laundry!!!! if you know anyone at all... give them our name!

So after work I came home to an empty loft, I opened up the door, knowing that Cam is at youth tonight doing something crazy with those kids. Although at most times I hate being alone, I really do enjoy my time to myself if its not hours upon hours... a nice three hour time span for me to reflect, make myself something to eat, and just tune out is really really welcoming.
I opened up the door to the Christmas lights on our railing being turned on and a piece of white paper that read "go upstairs & relax, love Cam" When I went upstairs there was Cams brown sweatshirt laid out for me on our bed that was so neatly made up! (I love wearing Cams sweatshirts after work cause its so comfy!) there was a letter on there as well telling me to go to the kitchen, so I did! To find a clean kitchen!!!! with my boxes of teas laid out, my favorite mug and the kettle full and another letter that read "turn the kettle on and pick a tea and relax, love Cam" so I turned the kettle on and picked my vanilla mighty leaf. Then on the couch Cam made up a "bed" with a bunch of blankets, pillows from our bed, my computer right next to the couch, the phone placed beside the pillow and another note that read "relax!!!"
it was soooo sweet! what a treat to come home to... so I made myself some dinner (eggs, turkey bacon and some toast ....mmm....) poped in the Shrek the Third dvd that Ive been dying to watch again and relaxed. Im still relaxing and its wonderful!!!!

WOW! I have such a considerate husband, I am so blessed and thankful.

well... hurray, at least i know FINALLY what is wrong. the clinic that Cam forced me into... literally with bribes and my kicking & screaming. but as i sat there in the cold chair waiting for my name to be called i realized that i really needed to be told what it was that i was going to be told.

so... after i had to lie down, after i was poked a dozen times and told to breathe deeply "in and out, in and out" i sat up to discover that yes, indeed stress is my enemy!

so here is the deal:
i have an imbalanced sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system.

The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is a branch of the autonomic nervous system along with the enteric nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system. It is always active at a basal level (called sympathetic tone) and becomes more active during times of stress. Its actions during the stress response comprise the fight-or-flight response. (http://en.wikipedia.org).

The parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) is a division of the autonomic nervous system (ANS), along with the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and enteric nervous system (ENS or "bowels NS"). The ANS is a subdivision of the peripheral nervous system (PNS). ANS sends fibers to three tissues: cardiac muscle, smooth muscle, or glandular tissue. This stimulation, sympathetic or parasympathetic, is to control smooth muscle contraction, regulate cardiac muscle, or stimulate or inhibit glandular secretion. The actions of the parasympathetic nervous system can be summarized as "rest and digest" (as opposed to the "fight-or-flight" effects of the sympathetic nervous system). (http://en.wikipedia.org).

Apparently because of this imbalance, one of my nervous systems is compensating for the other and dominating. Therefore, some of my organs aren't exactly "happy", they aren't functioning the way they are supposed to. So my stomach is pumping out more stomach acid than it needs, which is backing up into my esophagus and causing extreme heartburn/pressure/pain. The doctor said that the treatment is some pills and its fairly straight forward but the duration of the pill taking is tricky. i have to go see him next week this time, and he is forcing the second visit by only giving me a weeks worth of pills! Also, he figures that the last time i had an "ulcer" was not an ulcer at all but an inflammation like what im going through now, another "attack" as he called it.

After I got home and swallowed the monster pill, i did some research and am honestly a little freaked out but also very happy and excited with my findings. It turns out that this imbalance could be the result of the trauma I had when I was born (I almost died, I had the umbilical cord wrapped around my head three times), and could be responsible for my digestion issues and hormonal imbalances. crazy huh!? Well.... Im just taking it easy now, and trying to de-stress... Im going to research tactics on how to de-stress, does anyone have any pointers?

But Im not allowed coffee anymore, and no advil. O, and my headaches are connected to this all too apparently! So once my chest pain starts to go away with the meds the doctor gave me, my headaches should too.

love and hugs!

hey peeps... so I think I have come to the conclusion, after some Medical searching on the web, that I either have an ulcer or just really bad heartburn which either or SUCKS to be plagued with. O well, I guess the stress is getting to me and all the "over indulging" is causing my body to scream in revolt. Cam is taking me to the clinic today after he gets some homework done. I have today and tomorrow off (thank goodness!). But you know the sucky part? If it is an ulcer I'll have to stop taking Advil again, and stop drinking coffee again, so than WHAT THE HECK am I going to do for my headaches? AHHHH!
Stress SUCKS!

On another note, a lady came in to work yesterday, shes awesome I really like her. Actually there are a few customers that I adore! But anyways, she mentioned Sureslim to me because I had mentioned to her weeks before my wedding that I was on it cause she asked how I lost all the weight (I can't believe she noticed, Cam hardly noticed). But anyways, I had to ashamefully admit that I have been off of the program since the wedding and that its "hard to keep to now that Im married". But then on my way home I thought to myself, "what the heck is my problem? I have gained all the weight back that I had lost for the wedding and I desperately need to start taking care of myself if I want this heartburn/ulcer/stree to go away". So folks, Im going back on it on Thursday. I just need to buy a food scale. geeeeezzzzz.... Im becoming that kind of wife that I swore I never would become. You know, the kind that says "the hell with it!" and eats themselves into a size HUGE pant and gets diabetes and dies of a stroke (like my Oma).

O... speaking of my Oma, My moms aunt is amazing! My Tante Lilly gave me my Omas, mothers china set! (thats my moms grandmother, my great grandmother Angelika). I am OVER JOYED! I can not believe that I now own the china that my grandmother ate off of at special occasions, that has been in the family for years, its the BEST wedding gift of all time. Even my kitchen aid stand mixer, and my dyson vaccum don't add up to how much of an incredible gift this is. I am beyond thankful and beyond joyful to recieve it. Now I get to serve special occasion dinners with this china. And it is definitely my taste, its gold rimmed, with a floral pink pattern. I will post a picture of it soon. I bet there are second cousins and other women in the family that are pissed off that I am the one who got it! But I don't care and I fully intend on passing it down through the generations. Its like a piece of my Oma again, its like my Oma gave me this for my wedding, its like having her in my home. When I finally got to pick up that plate and exclaim how much I love it I cried a little... I miss my grandmother more than anything else in this whole world, I would give up soooo much just to be held my her again **tear**.

Well, Im off to relax on the couch and watch the remaining season 7 of Gilmore Girls. I really REALLY need this chilling time.

Love, prayers... and a big huge hug!

hey... just a quick one before work! Im working file this weekend and the next, then I get two off in a row! Just need to get through these two first before I get the sweet time off! Im not sure but now Im getting chest pain/pressure, still have the headaches, and Im dizzy and sorta sickly in the tummy if I don't eat the "right" things. I have no clue whats wrong with me! but Im dealing with it I guess....

Life is wonderful! Cam and I are looking for an apartment in Langley, please keep us in your prayers that we find something in our price range that is perfect for us! Im really nervous since we're putting in our notice and last months rent the end of this month.

eeekk... just a few minutes before I have to take off!

hey folks! well... and update, and yes the nose tea-pot story for you Alissa!
it so happens that the water from the tea-pot, as I stuck the thing in my nose, tilted my head as I was supposed to according to the picture and directions.... almost make me throw up in the sink and cough like a crazy person!!!!! Cam was wondering what I was doing up there and was sad that he missed the spectacle that was me. Im not sure if that twenty bucks was a waste of money or not because Im scared of the thing and may never do it again! No! not me!

In other news... heehee, I went to the doc. Not my doc (I don't trust that lousy man who couldn't correctly diagnose me if my life depended on it). I went to the walk in clinic in Langley, with my mommy of course cause Im a little girl! But I was brave and waited in the little waiting room all by myself (really, I was impressed with myself). The doc came in, who was awesome! He was so nice, and so little, and so kind and listened which is new to me with medical doctors (other than Dr. Williams who is my gynecologist and the most amazing doctor ever! Kort will agree Im sure). Anyways...
He asked me the usual questions which were associated with trying to discover if my headaches are in fact migraine related, and since I researched before the appointment what kind of headaches I could be getting, I knew what info he was fishing for. Most of my answers were, "no! light & sound don't effect it", "no! Im not vomitting although Im feeling very much like I want to do so!". So he came very close to look into my eyes and TA-DA! nothing seriously wrong with me **breath of relief** but that my headaches are stress related and that I need to "change my lifestyle" and if I do indeed "change my life-style and take the advil he is recommending me to take" and Im not better in a couple months then I have to go back and see him again to talk about what else it could be.

If I take the advil every day on time (every four hours), then I feel somewhat alright, but if I miss it for a little while (like this morning) then I feel headachy, dizzy, sickly, and well... just not too pretty. More weird and faded like. Im not sure whats up! And no Kort, I haven't done what you suggested, although Im wondering if I should.

Okay guys... Cam and I are attempting to look at our taxes now, he has the stuff all laid out on our kitchen table, and as much as its going to give me a headache, he brought home my favorite wine so maybe that'll make it less painful.

Lots of love and smiles!

hello all who read (which I am assuming is only Alissa and Kort!) O well, no matter to me, this is such a good way to vent! hahaha...

so these past couple of weeks?
I FINALLY got to see Alissa a couple weeks back! which was super and so much fun, we talked so much that I ended up staying in that Starbucks for 3 1/2 hours with two beverages! And then I was finally able to see Kort yesterday and her adorable baby girl Alexys who is so pretty and looks very much like her mommy. Another Starbucks drink and lots of "adult" conversation which was very encouraging and fun. I also got to see Julie on Thursday night last week which was wonderful, another Starbucks date! (I always end up there). She filled me in on all of her Mexico adventures, and we were there for at least two hours, only one drink that time though.

Its been so great to finally catch up with important friends, and now a date with Amy will happen next week, and hopefully one with Traci as well, I feel like time just keeps slipping away.

Lately Ive realised that I just need to keep positive and keep my focus above. I find myself slipping into this helpless, hopeless, horrible depressive state which is ridiculous because there is NOTHING for me to be sad about. But I get into this state of mind where all I want to do is swear at everyone and everything, run and hide and cry forever! Im at least finding God again in all of it... and recently an entirely different state of mind. Ive also completely transformed my diet, and Im going to start moving more to relieve my stress. So... maybe thats what's helping?!

Ive been having these horrible headaches, they are behind my eyes and have more recently moved to the back of my head. I will get them in the middle of my sleep, while Im at work, while Im typing on my blog. They will come for hours and hours, leave for a little while and then creep back. Ive tried warm cloths, sinus pills, that water blue medicine pot, changing from contacts to my glasses and then back to contacts. Everything I can think of to explain it, and nothing seems to be the cause. So Im going to the walk in clinic tomorrow. I hope my mom can come with me for support, and well, to hang out cause I haven't seen her in a while.
Im a little nervous cause one of the girls from work has been in the hospital for three days because of her headaches :S
Fingers crossed that worse case I need to get my prescription changed in my glasses or I have an infection of some sort. I hope its nothing worse.

well... off to bed! Im exhausted and hope my head stops aching.

O yah... I seriously have the BEST husband ever! I was soooooo mean a couple days ago, dealing with my depressive state, and then when I finally snapped out of it I apologized like crazy! and what does my husband do? but buy me the most gorgeous pink roses (my fave!) because he thought that I needed a "pick me up!" and wrote in this super sweet card the most wonderful love letter. Seriously! where did I find this guy? And I am soooo glad that hes mine forever!

take care everyone, and be healthy!

well apparently The Woman's Hospital of Reproductive Health, isn't done with me yet. I just got off the phone with the reception office to book myself another appointment with Dr. Williams. Ive been putting it off too... Im not going into detail why the appointment was made, Im not even sure myself exactly. But I knew it had to be done, Mom was telling me to, and well so was the hubby. So its done, May 6th I'll be heading to downtown Vancouver to sit and wait in the uncomfortable chairs with my mommy, reading magazines I don't care about with Women around me who have the same problems I do. O well... the journey isn't over apparently.

The surgery? It went PERFECTLY! I couldn't have asked for it to go better, and that abdominal, gut, horrible, "can't move an inch" pain is gone! PRAISE THE LORD!

So... I need a hobby, I need to find what Im good at, what Im creative at, what makes me excited to wake up in the morning (other than cam) and do it! I just can't keep watching tv and hoping that my future will approach quicker than it is.
I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself, I need to get over it and live life to the full. And other than psychology (which I find the most fascinating and is what I want to master in work), I think that health is another subject of upmost curiosity. Especially Womens health. I really want to study... maybe I should take out books from the Library, or start up my own book collection. I really still want to paint, what? No clue at all! and scraptbook! Maybe finally I can make that creative wedding album that Ive been dying to get my hands on. hmmm.... all very interesting projects. I need to make a list.. yes, a list is good. All the sudden Ive turned into a list maker, where did this come from? Its like I started to plan my wedding (forever ago!) and finally realised that I take such joy in organization, my goodness!

O... the HighSchool Musical Marathon is happening sometime next week. IM SO EXCITED! :)

Now today is "relax all day" Day (other than cleaning the kitchen and attempting my hand at yoga) because my sinuses are CRAZY! and acting up, with extreme pressure which makes wearing contacts impossible, and causes my eyes to squint, even the meds aren't helping so Im thinking that sickness is on the horizon, therefore, relaxation and Gilmore Girls season 5 watching will help. Its my kicking it in the butt attempt. Unless its the coffee, which means I need to stop drinking it which will make me very sad. Unless....hmmm, decaf, I will buy decaf!

This weeks agenda?: KORT! when are you free?, hanging out with Mommy, sleeping over at the parents place cause its closest to work for my weekend shift. And cleaning the house. I love making sure its clean. O... along with the "get in the groove of food and symptom journaling" agian. I always feel like Im complaining for no reason, when my 5 years of agony and resulting Endo kind of proved to me that the complaining is jusitfied.
O, and finding new recipies, my dinner making plans aren't working for me to I need to come up with a different approach.

Love and Hugs.

WOW! is it really March already? I can't believe it! It feels like just yesterday I was getting ready for the biggest change of my life and now Ive already been living it for the past two months and what a fairy tale it is! Although Cam has been hardcore into the books the past few days, its been so nice to do somethings around the house for a change. To be domestic. I baked some really amazing banana bread today, FINALLY I got to exchange my white Kitchenaid stand mixer for a red one!! and it only took two months! :P Im not bitter... not at all (I lie!). But I am very VERY thankful for my incredible husband who called The Bay, went down there on one of my late Saturday shifts... put my name on a list, waited for them to call and traded in my white for red. So far Ive made chocolate chip cookies! Pizza dough & the wonderful banana bread! I LOVE baking and cooking, my favorite passtime and I am so glad that I have a husband that LOVES to eat baked goods.
I also... got laundry done, did some hardcore cleaning in the kitchen, made the bed and went shopping for some much needed skincare products. I even called up my brother Jason to come over and keep me company cause Cam was too focused on his homework and I was VERY bored after I finished my errands for the day (before 1pm even!).
Now... I await my 6am shift for when I do the books at work, then I am off to FINALLY see Alissa for coffee. SO excited, I havent seen her since she was my fantastic bridesmaid. I can't wait to chat her ear off, and hear her wonderful adventures that have taken place since we last saw eachother.
My life is crazy right now:
I also have plans to sucker my dad in letting my mom and I take over their basement for our much anticipiated HIGHSCHOOL MUSCIAL MARATHON! Friday night, with movie snacks and the whole nine yards, I will even bring pj's and might drop by a theatre for popcorn! I have to see my friend Amy,my other friend Julie (she got back from Mexico so Im dying for details), I have to call Becky cause I MUST get details on her life and have her talk my ear off about her new baby boy, I need to see Nantina and get my wedding lipstick back. As well as, grocery shop, make and freeze dinners for these next couple of weeks so I don't need to think about it, mail my thankyou cards from my wedding that are sitting in the glovecompartment of my car and learn yoga cause I think its going to help my evolving health crisis.

Lots to do and one Gilmore Girls episode to watch now before bed!
Love you all...

O and please, pray that my father gets a job soon. PLEASE. and that Cam and I get through graduation, find an apartment in Langley close to our work, and that Sue even has enough work to give Cameron once he is available again, also... just prayer for health.
And a praise! our marriage is going even more fantastic than I ever imagined or dreamed so thank you jesus for that :)