Today there were schools that came in to talk to students (especially third and fourth year students, which I am) about their Masters programs. I'm not sure if its a secret that one of my greatest wants out of life is to complete a masters degree in psychology and counseling. I can't think of anything other than marrying, being a mother and accomplishing a Masters... for my life. Seriously. I mean of course God is the number one in my life, there is nothing close to comparing to that. All I am stating is that the desire to hold in my hand a degree and educate myself is one of the passions I never dreamed to have. Especially not for psychology. The photo above is my Introductory to Psychology 1&2 text book. It is this class, and this book where my joy lies as I pull it out and read for tests and papers. Now experiencing more psych classes this semester, what I have learned from that book I am practicing and understanding even more in specific and narrow ways.
What I'm getting at is... I can't see myself doing anything else. Like I can't picture myself being NOTHING else then a counselor and masters degree student. Nothing else other than a mother. There is no way that I will put off having children, I want them more than the passion I have for a degree. But I can't see myself waking up to any other joy (in the working department) than counseling, or being a health psychologist.

But honestly.. I am scared SHITLESS! and yes, I am sorry I swore, but I swear its the truth. And today made me aware of these two facts. Super, totally, 100% SCARED! but super, totally, 100% sure.
And even more sure that I'll need ALL of Gods strength to be the best counselor I can be! Because I sure as heck ain't going to be able to do it on my own.
And that is another BIG reality that I have come to today! Today has been a good day!

Blessings!

This was our first ever photo together in February 2006, a couple weeks before we were "officially dating". Although everyone knew it would happen eventually... So now, on the 24th of this February, Cam and I will be celebrating our TWO year anniversary! I wonder where the time has gone?! Its amazing that when I came here to CBC, and walked up into that student lounge for the first time it would bring me to look forward to one of my most favorite days of the year! It took that one "hello" to get me hooked on him, and I can replay the way he sat, what he was doing, and how I felt in that moment we met for the first time. Kinda corny right? Well... not so much in my eyes. Every single day I praise God for the blessing of Cam, he has held my hand through so much that has happened in these past two years. There is no one else on earth who is better for me. I swear it! I fall in love with him more every single day, so I am excited for the day when we're both old and wrinkled, holding hands as we walk around the nearest park, admiring each other, Gods creation and the way our lives treated us. Yep, one of these days! :) This post has no real significance, other then my boasting of my most wonderful boyfriend!

Gods blessings!!

so... I went home this past friday night because my family was celebrating my moms birthday by going out for a nice dinner (mmm... chinese food) and a movie (the bucket list was good!) but while I was home my mom and I had a good discussion. After asking me how Ive been, with the diet specifically and all, I answered "all right, I just can't seem to shake off the feeling that Im not doing the best I can" well, her response was more than brilliant, "Nicole, you keep thinking that you're going to wake up one day without any cravings or without it being difficult, this is something you're going to have to deal with every day. Asking the Lord for his strength to do your very best that day to eat the best way you can for your health. Its not going to be easy, until you accept and recognise this, you'll more than likly continue to have problems and struggles but each day is going to be different, and thats okay!" WOW! brilliant huh? So.. this is where I am today, and where I intend to stay and go forward from. She's right, there isn't going to be the day when I wake up and go "hey! no cravings, this is super simple, horray for me!" hahahah.. thats unlikly, but I can wake up and say "Father God, I give this day to you and I ask for your strength to say no to the foods I need to say no to and achieve the health that I need to achieve, I ask that you be glorified through this experience and that you level the hormonal imbalance in my body, in your glorious name, AMEN!"

Blessings! :)

It is amazing to me how powerful nausea can be and how devastating it can also be to myself and the wonderful "health streak" I had been on for almost two full weeks. I know that its "early in the game" but one fallen step back to me feels like a dancing game and failure that I wish NOT to experience. I was given pills to help my stomach pain and sure enough, they make me nauseous, severely so that I need some sort of solid carbohydrate to stop and settle it. NOT so much fun when that is exactly what I am hoping to stay away from, and what from time to time causes pain and discomfort. But the major problem here is the little bit of "luxury" in carbs that causes the want for more. And finally brings me to loose sight of the true intentions of why I was doing this in the first place.
My first little hump, and Im sure there will be more. Complete health can not come in the first two weeks of a restrictive diet that offers healing. This will take time, and although I am rushing through what feels like the rushing current that is before me, reality is that steps back are inevitable. I need to realize this and be alright with it. I can not rationalize, but prepare for the hard roads and times that there are before me.
Maybe restaurants aren't for me right now, but that doesn't mean they won't be in a few weeks, months, next year. The time will come when I can sit down, order a burger and fries, enjoy and not be guilty, not have pain, not be sad with my choice, and not sorrow over an increasing health issue.
Instead the time will come when my favorite meal can be my favorite again, and not every day, but once a week maybe... and I will be okay because I will be glad that I took the time and the effort and used Gods strength to get me back to the point of being able to say "yes! I would like to order" and not be afraid of it.

Joy is in the air!, at least around me it is!
Blessings

Everything is starting to feel just a little bit overwhelming at the moment. I have my diet to be concerned about, the pills and fibre supplements that I need to make sure Im taking when Im supposed to take them. Seriously, its not easy! Then I have homework, and lets just say Ive stupidly decided to take two of the hardest classes in the same semester! (NOT a good idea), but doo-able, (hopefully!). Also, I'am working in the cafeteria again, no food card means, no food, so I need to make money so that I can go and fee myself! grrrr.... but honestly, what I think Ive just come to realize, right now, as I write this... is that its all okay, I can do it! I can make changes and experience life the way I choose to experience it. I don't need to be stressed or worried, or overwhelmed if I don't choose to be. I can just say "Im going to do my best, be my best and overcome all the obstacles that are before me!" I don't need to be little Miss. Worry! I just need to be rested in the love of Christ, family and friends. There is no need to freak out, I need to remember that life carries on, and I can do my best to succeed where I need to, but when it all comes down to it, I can't loose myself in the chaos of it all.

Blessings!

Its really incredible to me how psyched I am to accomplish what is before me. Here I have potentially been told the wrong thing these past four and a half years regarding my stomach and the problems with my digestion and progressive health failure. I won't go far into these details for the results from my tests haven't found their way back to me yet... but I feel very empowered to do what I know needs to be done and to watch my body transform from sickness to health. It really is the most amazing achievement. I have been on this "plan" since January 1st and I have already seen incredible results and improvement. Nothing is impossible, and nothing is too far out of reach. Im learning about determination, self discipline and structure, goal setting, healthy living and strength.

Praise God, for if He was not the one I kept running to, Im sure I would have never been able to get through these past four years.

Blessings!