as i take a much needed break from statistic studying, i thought that i would post... finally, its been a while and i really liked Kortneys comment in my last post. what kind of procrastinator am i? well, im not sure but i know that it doesn't always involve the computer, i spend hours doing homework at night (like last night i was up until 3am writing a paper!) but anyways...
lately, ive been discovering what it means to be a wife. what i means to support Cam in everything, even the things that i find painful. but thats what marriage is... its support, its love, its paitence. and well, falling in love with Cam has brought me to discover how set i am in some ways, some thinkings, some expectations. that my "first born, only girl, spoiled brat" mentality has gotten me heartbroken, many times, with no real idea as to why. im sure many of you have gone through what i have, or maybe not, i have no real clue. but i know that for myself, having one expectation that i thought i would never have to see be incapable for Cam, is heartbreaking. however, the experience of being there to support, encourage and help is shaping the way that i will love him for the rest of my life, which means shaping the way i will be "wife". this being a positive and wonderful result.
man alive... who ever said that relationships were easy, i seriously want to kick that person in the crotch! like seriously.
i agree with Cam when he says that society plays the whole "you just fall in love and live happily ever after" BULL CRAP!
Cam and i have put blood, sweat and tears (or at least I cry!) into our relationship and we still face rocky cliffs. I am SO THANKFUL that God is such a huge part of who we are, i am sooooo excited that God shapes us, changes us and challenges us, through the love we have for each other. its amazing to me, and wonderful.
the person i am becoming is all due to my relationship with Cam and the grace given to me from God. this is the most incredible gift that i would NEVER trade in life...
well... Cam came in, and he just made fun of me :P
geeezzzzz, hahahah, back to the books... NOOOOOOOOOOooOoooOOOOoooo
Blessings!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
it is most definitely frustrating to wake up to pain, to intense pelvic pain and pressure, then to decide whether it will be worth it to go to class, and sit for hours listening to lectures when I can read my text book at home in my pj's with a water bottle... so the verdict, I went to my Stats class today and now Im heading up to the library where I need to finish a paper that is hard to write, but very interesting all at the same time. THEN will come pj's, a water bottle and my gummie bears! eeekk... Another couple of days extension on that "such a good idea but very intense paper", due to this set back it is desperately needed BA!!
I hate having to ask for more time... I hate to use my pain as an "excuse" it really isn't one, you try writing a ten page paper on the theme of hope found in the New Testament when all you want to do is pass out on the couch and moan!! Yeah, I thought so :P
BUT things are starting to get figured out... and when I say that, I mean emotionally more than physically, which is a huge step in the right direction for me. I am choosing to overcome my difficulties and although it may not sound like it in this post, I am not allowing this pelvic pain to overtake all of me, not like it has in the past. As well, I am taking the right steps in the right direction in order to overcome my eating disorder and bad associations, my depression can no longer be fed, by me, even this needs to be overcome, and I will.
The good part about all of this? I have GOD! I have hope, and I will overcome! I have chosen to overcome...
And I have the most trusting, patient, loving and loyal fiance of all time!(seriously, he is far more in all these characteristics than anyone else I know)
So blessings to all, and I hope you have no pelvic pain today :)
I hate having to ask for more time... I hate to use my pain as an "excuse" it really isn't one, you try writing a ten page paper on the theme of hope found in the New Testament when all you want to do is pass out on the couch and moan!! Yeah, I thought so :P
BUT things are starting to get figured out... and when I say that, I mean emotionally more than physically, which is a huge step in the right direction for me. I am choosing to overcome my difficulties and although it may not sound like it in this post, I am not allowing this pelvic pain to overtake all of me, not like it has in the past. As well, I am taking the right steps in the right direction in order to overcome my eating disorder and bad associations, my depression can no longer be fed, by me, even this needs to be overcome, and I will.
The good part about all of this? I have GOD! I have hope, and I will overcome! I have chosen to overcome...
And I have the most trusting, patient, loving and loyal fiance of all time!(seriously, he is far more in all these characteristics than anyone else I know)
So blessings to all, and I hope you have no pelvic pain today :)
Saturday, March 22, 2008
In New Testament theology class I need to write a devotional, not exactly an easy thing for me to do, but alas! I did it! I wanted to share my final copy, this is what I will be reading aloud in class on Tuesday, I hope it works and makes sense.
Blessings!
Throughout the months coming up to writing for this devotional, I had many themes and ideas run through my mind. Then someone told me to do something that meant something to me, something that I am in the midst of being taught, something that touched my heart and circumstance. So, this is what I have chosen. Healing for the past five years has become an emotional subject for me. For several years I have had abdominal pain and discomfort along with some other symptoms and it has not been fun to say the least. Doctors would only tell me that nothing serious was wrong and to watch what I eat, and track what I experience. Friends and pastors would tell me that if only I would believe deeper, pray longer, hope harder then maybe healing would come sooner.
The emotional journey that I have been on has lead me up some very steep hills. Yet, I find that it is nothing compared to the testimonies that I read in the New Testament. A woman bleeding for twelve years, cast out of society because she is looked down on as unclean. Her faith leading her to Jesus Christ and with hopeful determination she goes and touches his robe to find herself healed. I can only imagine her circumstance and what emotional healing came that day for her as well. Especially with Jesus affirming her by saying, “your faith has healed you, go in peace and be freed from your suffering” (Mrk 5:34).
To be freed from our sufferings is such bliss, to be freed from physical disease or even emotional distress brings us such blessing and release. I believe like probably many of you that healing is possible, even the type that doesn’t make sense. Yet, I also believe that it pains us, sometimes we hold onto our sufferings because we grow attached to the comfort of them. The healing that Jesus did were for those suffering a great physical distress. Yet the healing of these men now meant that they had to work and were no longer able to make a living by begging and being cared for. A small price to pay for freedom. But with the comfort of a being cripple gone, the challenge of being thrown into something other than what was previously known can be scary.
One of my most favorite healing stories is that of a blind man, in John chapter nine, Jesus’ disciples ask him “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” (v. 2). Jesus answered them and said “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (v. 3). There is no fault found, the power of God is to be displayed through this mans blindness. So as I read this story I am not only reminded of my own circumstance, but of my friends as well and their baby boy who was born with disease and who lived only twenty eight days of life. Although circumstances such as these bring us emotional pain, Jesus says here, that it is for Gods glory to be displayed. That in the hopelessness of disease, God brings glory to himself. Noah lived so that God would be glorified, an incredible accomplishment for such a short life.
Yet, physical disease and compromise are not the only ways in which God can display is work. Emotional distress constricts the body almost as much as the physical. And it is recognizing that through these times God wants to be glorified, and he will offer his strength to those of us asking for it. It is asking for his peace, his hope, his renewal and his clean sweep of our minds that helps us overcome the obstacles that get in our way. Whether these obstacles include a dysfunction of our physical body or not.
“We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor 4:16-18).
Therefore, the healing we experience today whether they be physical or emotional or both are not what is entirely important. What is important is that our hope is in God and his return, it is in our salvation in Christ Jesus.
Blessings!
Throughout the months coming up to writing for this devotional, I had many themes and ideas run through my mind. Then someone told me to do something that meant something to me, something that I am in the midst of being taught, something that touched my heart and circumstance. So, this is what I have chosen. Healing for the past five years has become an emotional subject for me. For several years I have had abdominal pain and discomfort along with some other symptoms and it has not been fun to say the least. Doctors would only tell me that nothing serious was wrong and to watch what I eat, and track what I experience. Friends and pastors would tell me that if only I would believe deeper, pray longer, hope harder then maybe healing would come sooner.
The emotional journey that I have been on has lead me up some very steep hills. Yet, I find that it is nothing compared to the testimonies that I read in the New Testament. A woman bleeding for twelve years, cast out of society because she is looked down on as unclean. Her faith leading her to Jesus Christ and with hopeful determination she goes and touches his robe to find herself healed. I can only imagine her circumstance and what emotional healing came that day for her as well. Especially with Jesus affirming her by saying, “your faith has healed you, go in peace and be freed from your suffering” (Mrk 5:34).
To be freed from our sufferings is such bliss, to be freed from physical disease or even emotional distress brings us such blessing and release. I believe like probably many of you that healing is possible, even the type that doesn’t make sense. Yet, I also believe that it pains us, sometimes we hold onto our sufferings because we grow attached to the comfort of them. The healing that Jesus did were for those suffering a great physical distress. Yet the healing of these men now meant that they had to work and were no longer able to make a living by begging and being cared for. A small price to pay for freedom. But with the comfort of a being cripple gone, the challenge of being thrown into something other than what was previously known can be scary.
One of my most favorite healing stories is that of a blind man, in John chapter nine, Jesus’ disciples ask him “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” (v. 2). Jesus answered them and said “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (v. 3). There is no fault found, the power of God is to be displayed through this mans blindness. So as I read this story I am not only reminded of my own circumstance, but of my friends as well and their baby boy who was born with disease and who lived only twenty eight days of life. Although circumstances such as these bring us emotional pain, Jesus says here, that it is for Gods glory to be displayed. That in the hopelessness of disease, God brings glory to himself. Noah lived so that God would be glorified, an incredible accomplishment for such a short life.
Yet, physical disease and compromise are not the only ways in which God can display is work. Emotional distress constricts the body almost as much as the physical. And it is recognizing that through these times God wants to be glorified, and he will offer his strength to those of us asking for it. It is asking for his peace, his hope, his renewal and his clean sweep of our minds that helps us overcome the obstacles that get in our way. Whether these obstacles include a dysfunction of our physical body or not.
“We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor 4:16-18).
Therefore, the healing we experience today whether they be physical or emotional or both are not what is entirely important. What is important is that our hope is in God and his return, it is in our salvation in Christ Jesus.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Ive been going onto a wedding site in my "spare time", as though I even really have spare time! But its been a lot of fun to get ideas and bring them together to produce my very own dream wedding! So while I was going through the cake section I came across these cakes, where in my opinion are GORGEOUS! Cam and I are doing a cake especially for the head table and family tables, then there will be cup cakes for the rest of our guests. Which brings me to my next wedding point... the guest list.
There are SO MANY PEOPLE that Cam and I love, adore and appreciate, so its pretty well THE HARDEST THING EVER to come up with a guest list. How do you say, "yes you can come!" to one friend but "sorry we can't afford to have you there" to another???????? Especially when so many of our friends are in relationships or married, its really hard, and really stressful. SO! What Cam and I have discussed and envisioned for our big day, is for our reception to be a very intimate environment, which means... small. Smaller than what we had originally planned for, which means, not everyone will be able to come. And I am sorry and I love all of my dearest friends, but I sure hope that those of you who are reading this and love us too... will understand. Financially if we want to make our day completely ours with the components we want to add, as well as keep the intimate feel we really are striving for, then less is more. Back to more wedding photo browsing!
Blessings :)
Sunday, March 16, 2008
so on Saturday I went to the Clipper Street Scraptbooking Company and in a wedding invitation class I created my very own wedding invitation, its PERFECT and pretty! :) Im very excited to finally get the paper & ribbon ordered, along with other components needed, then go all crazy putting them all together. I know its early... but I have programs, the guest book, and other fun additions to create which will be a key to the wedding and will display my amazing creative capabilities! I'm very excited to make my wedding completely my own, including the creation of my own stationary!
It was super fun too cause Mom and Nantina (maid of honor) were with me... and although Mom is NOT crafty she did a great job! and Nantina and I played around with the measurements to see what some choices are in regards to size! FUN!
Friday was great... I had the best conversation with a good friend, Kortney Story, who has the authority to speak encouragement into my health situation. She gave me the most amazing advice that I am sure Ive heard before, but coming from Kort this time, she put things in more perspective. Maybe that is because I am more ready now to hear it than I was before. CLICK to read falling leaf where she blogged about it.
as well, yesterday my Mommy pulled out her wedding dress from the air tight box it was in and we had one of those sentimental "Mother/Daughter moments" it was such a special time for me. I put on her veil and with an overwhelming excitement fell in LOVE with it. Its GORGEOUS! SO... I'm going to wear my mothers veil on my wedding day :) I'm going to bring it with me when I go and pick out my dress (whenever that happens) with some re-adjustments I am going to be HOT STUFF! On December 20th, Cams jaw will drop! Which is the plan of course.
Blessings to all!
and YIPPPEEEEE... FOR MY WEDDING DAY... NINE MONTHS :)
It was super fun too cause Mom and Nantina (maid of honor) were with me... and although Mom is NOT crafty she did a great job! and Nantina and I played around with the measurements to see what some choices are in regards to size! FUN!
Friday was great... I had the best conversation with a good friend, Kortney Story, who has the authority to speak encouragement into my health situation. She gave me the most amazing advice that I am sure Ive heard before, but coming from Kort this time, she put things in more perspective. Maybe that is because I am more ready now to hear it than I was before. CLICK to read falling leaf where she blogged about it.
as well, yesterday my Mommy pulled out her wedding dress from the air tight box it was in and we had one of those sentimental "Mother/Daughter moments" it was such a special time for me. I put on her veil and with an overwhelming excitement fell in LOVE with it. Its GORGEOUS! SO... I'm going to wear my mothers veil on my wedding day :) I'm going to bring it with me when I go and pick out my dress (whenever that happens) with some re-adjustments I am going to be HOT STUFF! On December 20th, Cams jaw will drop! Which is the plan of course.
Blessings to all!
and YIPPPEEEEE... FOR MY WEDDING DAY... NINE MONTHS :)
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
today was the funeral for the picture of that little boy in my previous post. what an emotional ceremony, but of course, its always sad when a child only lives 28 days. the slide shows they presented, the prayers and the speeches would bring anyone to tears, me especially.
this past weekend has been especially hard for me. with the advice from my doctor I took a shot to try and stop the Endometriosis from growing, only the shot has stopped working and Im unsure of what to do. I think that the emotional part of ones body kind of takes over subconsciously sometimes. I know that whats going on in my body is not life threatening, its not cancer, its nothing to be too alarmed about. But I feel it and live with it everyday still... and sometimes I just wish I would only have the job of waking up in the morning and being the engaged, happy, 22 year old that I only want to be.
Instead my femininity has caused such pain, something that seems to be completely unfair. Your body is supposed to work one specific way, so why does it seem to have the ability to make a decision and be stubborn? Gosh!
God only knows.
Please pray for the Neufelds today... they deserve your support
Blessings.
this past weekend has been especially hard for me. with the advice from my doctor I took a shot to try and stop the Endometriosis from growing, only the shot has stopped working and Im unsure of what to do. I think that the emotional part of ones body kind of takes over subconsciously sometimes. I know that whats going on in my body is not life threatening, its not cancer, its nothing to be too alarmed about. But I feel it and live with it everyday still... and sometimes I just wish I would only have the job of waking up in the morning and being the engaged, happy, 22 year old that I only want to be.
Instead my femininity has caused such pain, something that seems to be completely unfair. Your body is supposed to work one specific way, so why does it seem to have the ability to make a decision and be stubborn? Gosh!
God only knows.
Please pray for the Neufelds today... they deserve your support
Blessings.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Noah Jonathan Neufeld February 8th - March 6th, 2008
This little boy is Jonathan and Melissa Neufeld's baby boy. He had Trisomy 13 and beat all the odds concerning this disorder, until last night. Please pray for the Neufeld family and all those who are grieving the passing of this precious little boy.
If you want to see Melissa's blog, please go to the right of my blog and click the Neufeld Family site.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
i couldn't help myself but post another engagement shot! even though we were both scrubby that day and it was freeeeeezing cold, the photos are such a sentimental part of that day for me!so ive been getting a little carried away with the whole "counting down" tickers, the days left until my wedding are 293! BUT can you blame me? really?! i mean im just excited, im just crazy, totally, completely and overwhelmingly excited. yep! its just kinda crazy when i went to the welcome wagon bridal show with Nantina and Becky (two of my wonderful brides maids) sitting there with all the brides around me, watching a fashion show and them asking me what i liked. i actually had to take a moment, sit back and say to myself "O YAH! thats ME, IM the bride! ME!" wow... ive been to many weddings, actually i am surprised as to all the weddings ive been invited to and honored to watch and cry at (yes, im going to cry at my own) its just SO SURREAL to be called "bride" WOW! seriously, its like this time of my life is the most special, wonderful, fun and exciting time.. and i feel at most times that im outside of myself watching it happen. im glad that our engagement is ten months, it gives me some time to enjoy and process, but i love the processing! :) the other day i said to Cam "you know what the next big thing in our lives is going to be?" he looked at me and said "babies" i then said "YAH! BABIES! thats NUTS!" hahahaah... of course you can tell that im not exactly ready for that stage in life, so don't you start asking us when the little Stehrs are going to present themselves, they will come... we want at least three, but just not right away.
i can't express to you how excited i am for this step in my life, i can't start to explain to you how i can close my eyes and envision our living room, our home, our pantry, the way that life will be with all its up and downs, with all its joy, its amazing and wonderful joy! i am THRILLED for my life as MRS. Stehr to begin. the joy is seeping from all places within me.
PRAISE GOD for the blessings HE has given us! its overwhelming :)
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