Im reading by far one of the BEST books that Ive read in a looong time. Its called The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. She is a psychotherapist and is brilliant! And after Im done with this book (which Im reading for conflict management class) Im going to go searching to buy it and others by her. I believe that every single married woman needs to read this book! Im serious... it is profound the revelations that have come from reading it. I have two chapters left to read and I just picked it up on thursday morning. When Im done, I need to write a book report on it and Im actually really excited to do it. One of the most profound things Ive learned about myself, which may be obvious to others but was apparently oblivious to me, is that I am responsible for myself, for my own desires, my own behaviors, my own wants and needs. And only I can see them come to pass. Cam is not responsible for me... I am responsible for me! And anger usually results from not taking responsibility for ones self but placing that responsibility on another and blaming the other. So yes... only I am responsible for my health and happiness! Who knew?!

First off, just because I changed the blog name DOES NOT mean Im pregnant! Im not! at least as far as I know Im not! so no jumping to conclusions here!... please. No baby Stehr, at least its not in the plans anytime soon. Cam and I both kinda just came up with a new name, I didn't really like the other name, and Im not convinced that this is a good one either. It'll do for now though.

So whats been up lately!? School is going really good. I am actually learning a whole lot in my conflict management class. It is such an eye opener to some of the conflict I have experienced over this past year (and more). The serious, heart breaking type of conflict. This is information that every single person should learn and practice. It is amazing how most of it just makes sense, well... until you are living in the conflict and resort back to your habiats. But still... common goals or different goals and percieved interferences are the source to every conflict! yep... its true! If you want to read my text book after Im done with the class, then I will for sure lend it to you. Or call me up for a coffee if you wanna talk about it. However, that text book cost me over a hundred dollars, so I'll want it back! :P

I saw Gay Lynn Voth on Monday! she is one of my former teachers, and one of the best! My first semester of CBC, Cam and I took her theology class and it was AWESOME! I must say that my mind does not think too well when it comes to post-modern stuff and theology. But her ethnics class was incredible and I got a super good grade on that big paper. It was just awesome! Apparently way back I wrote a bit about her on this blog, and well, she found it! heeheehee... so she just was saying how kind it was for me to mention her on my blog and that I said some really nice things. Awwww!!! Gay Lynn I sure hope you come back to campus more often! (if you ever find this blog again!) Her husband is having his last chemo treatment, I don't know what cancer he is suffering from. Please pray for him and his recovery.

I know I must say it a lot, but Im truly MOST happy when Im in the classroom. When Im being educated. I have no idea where that came from, but it is absolutely one of my most favorite things. Even studying for my adult psych tests are so much fun! (minus the tension headaches). You know when you think you've found what you're called to do? Or where you just know you're called to be? I got that when Im in the classroom learning psych and working towards the goal. I dunno... it just consumes me. Kinda strange, yet, kinda completely overwhelming, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Im actually doing really well in psych too... Im getting high A's on my assignments so far! Im just so excited, its hard to explain.

Well... I caved, again! blah! I had some Red Robins tonight and pizza last night. gross Im feeling really ill, I really can't digest high fat food very well. I sure hope that I can get my act together and seriously commit to this thing. I really want to. The thought of me wearing a size eight dress to some of the weddings this summer just makes me smile so big! O, you know, and the health part about it is good too! heehee.

blessings all!

O... and please keep Timmy, my new nephew in your prayers. It's important. Thanks.

PRAISE GOD!!!! our car is now running... Cam and his dad fixed it for under $15! wahooooo... it is totally worth it to have a hubby who loves to tinker with the car. Did NOT know that about him until after we were married. Now, the pile of homework awaits me... a 5 page reflection paper for conflict management (awesome class!), along with studying for the first test in that class as well, a test tomorrow in adult psychology along with reading chapter three and a journal article and answering questions for the following week, as well as a book report and oral presentation for effective teaching along with the required weekly reading, then I need to pick out a journal article myself for adult pscyh and present it to the class. AHHHH!!!! thats lots... and I need to get started on some things due in February so Im ok to go to Ontario. I guess its lots of coffee and staying in the house for this week!

My diet is getting really difficult right now, Its like Im fighting with myself to stay on track... its always hard I think when you try and change. No matter where the change takes place in a persons life... its very easy to resist. But I like what my mom talked to me about... she said that no matter how many times I fall down, its making the decision to stand back up and get back on the right path that matters, that the decisions I make, and the committments I make mean more than the feelings and emotions I experience. I thought that was great advice, no matter what circumstance in life.

so... heres to getting out the yogurt and getting back on track! :)
blessings!

On friday it was my mothers 50th birthday!!! and it was soooo much fun to make her dinner, and even her cake! we had indian food, she wanted something that she never makes, and she never makes indian food! It actually turned out real well... I was very impressed with how everything tasted. And Im glad that she liked it a lot... consdering it was very spicy. I also went to the dollar store to buy a bunch of 50 decorations! so my place was very "festive" for the occasion. Now the decorations are down and waiting for dads 50th in February!


mommy enjoying her time waiting for the rice to cook on the stove! apparently white and brown rice have very different cooking times! hahhahah..... I thought it would just take a few mintues more, turns out that few minutes was a bit bigger! haahahah.... know now for next time.


Here I am trying to make sure the butter chicken is all cooked up and delicious! I always love to throw in some cashews and ripe tomatoes to keep it fresh. Not as good as White Spots, but it was goooooood!


Things otherwise are great! Other than our stupid car not starting, cam and his dad are trying to make it work now. All I wanna do is eat the cake in my fridge and cry cause if we can't get that car started, we're in a real pickle since I need to get to school in Abbostford and we can't afford to fix it at a professional mechanics. Please please PLEASE pray for us! we desperately NEED cam to get back to work soon, and there just isn't some right now.... we have faith, but its definitely being tested. Thanks guys! you're the best!

Being at school right now is like a dream come true! I can't believe how natural it feels for me to sit in the classroom and learn. If you would have told me in highschool that seven years from now I would be in college and about to complete a degree in psychology... I'd probably laugh! Well, and maybe cry a bit. When I was in highschool, I wasn't big on the school thing, I thought I was too stupid and didn't think that science was my "thing". Now, being 24, and being serious about my education and seeing where it could potentially take me, I am completely motivated and have a completely different mindset. I think that in highschool, sometimes we are too immature to understand how valuable education can be. Or, we just don't believe it's our "thing".

Yesterday, while doing my effective teaching homework, I was reading an article on teaching. It was such an inspirational article. Not because I want to teach (I actually don't believe I will, ever!) but because what the author spoke of about his journey through his education helped me to understand mine. When I first got to CBC I thought that my focus was going to be school work and only school work. There are SO many distractions when you live on campus, work a little part-time, visit your family on some weekends and have roomates who become your best of friends. School and the plans you had set out kind of get set on the back burner. Don't get me wrong they are still evident, but none-the-less... are pushed aside when a snow ball fight is happening outside and you have a chapter of psychology to finish reading.

This year is already different, I am taking classes slow with only starting out with the three. I believe that if I acted like this in highschool I would have been a lot more successful, but probably would have also been "the geek". Trying to comfort Cindy at the lunch table on Wednesday about our adult psychology class in proclaiming that "I already read the first two chapters and they are great!". Didn't help out any! Neither for me, or Cindy!

I guess, I feel like when I am in the classroom, when I have the most interesting subjects to read and study... I feel most happy, and most like myself. I feel like I have finally captured apart of me that I never knew existed, and I am thrilled about it. Am I scared about what potential career is out there? Heck yes! but I am confident now in my abilities and I am growing through the process of being educated, and I think thats an incredibly amazing thing. I think I will always strive to learn, and to take classes, no matter what the subject is.

So... here goes nothing! I will give it my all, and I will believe in myself while I finish. I can't wait to wear the blue robe and get that BA! :)

So here is the start of 2010! The first 4 days have been alright, the Christmas decorations have come down, and we have ventured out of the house a few times to use some gift cards and go grocery shopping (the first time in about a month). Like my pal Kortney, I find it kinda corny that when the new year rolls around a bunch of people make resolutions! I will admit though, that I make them too! I actually appreciate making goals, even if they end up forgotten. I find it important in my own life. If I make goals then I feel like there is some sort of direction. If there is direction then I feel like I am making progress in my life.

So... as corny as it is, here are my and our 2010 goals

Nicoles 2010 personal goals:

* finish and succeed in my Sureslim program. This means reaching my goal weight by my birthday, July 5th. And then learning to maintain this weight with a practical strategy I can continue for the rest of my life. This is also to help me get past my emotional eating troubles

* do my best in school and succeed in my classes and assignments. My husband today said that I will do fine and that I always work at each assignment with my full heart and attention. In this goal I will also need to learn to balance my anxiety and not let it get the best of me, especially with the new professor I will have in Adult Psychology. My hope is to graduate CBC with an A average, but we'll have to wait and see if that happens. I won't kill myself over a grade... but I'd like to have options when I graduate.

* be the best wife I can be. This goal is very special to me, its not that I feel like Im a bad wife its just that I know that I can always be better. Specifically to pray for Cameron and support him in all decisions and ventures. As well, to be submissive to him and give up my overwhelming need to control all situations. To give him the space to thrive as the leader of our home and our family, and to hope and pray that he succeeds in living the role that God has laid out for him.

* to be a better friend. This past year I have felt that my life has gotten in the way of my social life. I know that sounds retarded, and yes, I did see majority of my friends regularly. But I feel as though I have not participated as much as I should have in some of my most cherished friendships. I feel as though I have let the stresses of life, circumstances, and distance come between me and opportunities for me to develop even deeper relationships with some of my most beloved friends. I hope this year will bring freedom and a drive for me to invest more of my time and myself into the people I love.

* to find, attend and be apart of a home church and to grow deeper in my relationship and understanding of God.

Stehr family 2010 goals:

* save earnestly for a down payment on a house. We aren't planning to buy in 2010, but we are planning to look, save and research our options in 2010.

* find, attend, and be apart of a home church.

* save earnestly again for a vacation away to a hot destination! This would be intended as a "second honeymoon" for before I get pregnant.

* As Cam stated at our anniversary dinner: "to NOT get pregnant" (the getting pregnant will probably be a goal for 2011/2012)

* maybe we can get a new couch! hahahaha... an ikea couch! Pretty much making our house pretty and getting some pictures on the walls. O, and buy a futon, we really want a futon for our "study"/storage/laundry room.

* to unplug our cable and learn to do other things that don't involve watching tv or being on the computer. Hopefully this will develop opportunities in our marriage and help us thrive in our hobbies that we normally ignore. This however will not effect our Big Bang Theory/House dinner date with Jason and Dave.

so there you have it! our goals for 2010. Im really excited for what this new year is going to bring and what adventures Cam and I are both going to face, together and separate. Landscaping is going to be interesting... and a huge need in prayer that this landscaping year is going to be successful so that our income is successful!

Winnipeg is going to be SO exciting! That trip is going to be so much fun! I am thrilled to have Jessica be apart of our family! She is going to be the next Mrs. Stehr, so I won't be alone! hahahaha.... the trip itself is going to be such a blast and since Cam and I are apart of the wedding party we get to be front row and centre to all the fun!!!!

Actually there are five weddings happening this summer, all people that were at our wedding and all friends that are significant. I have no clue if we're invited to all the weddings, but I know for sure that we're going to two. The friends and the dates? Tanya & Cameron on May 8th, Katherine & Jared on July 17th, Leigh-Ann & Ryan on July 31st, Jessica & Colin on August 14th, and Traci & Dayne on August 21st. Yep, thats a lot!

So this new year, is going to be full of change but hopefully its going to be the kind of year we get to remember on December 31st as one full of fun, love, opportunities and growth.

Bring it on 2010!!!!