okay... so... now tell me, isn't she the CUTEST little girl EVER! yes, yes she is... you know why? Because she is my little niece and I love her waaaay to much for words, the other little one, the little red head... isn't she just gorgeous!? Thats right because she is my OTHER adorably incredible little niece that I love more than words are able to express!

Both of these little girls are going to steal the show at my wedding! hahahaha... no matter, its okay, but they are most definitely my flower girls and they are going to look incredible in their lavender flower girl dresses that Mommy Stehr is making for them... Im psyched. Actually Michele said (mommy to little Jackie) that she might dance if we play one of the Newsboys songs for when they walk down the aisle. I am certainly contemplating trying it out! Can't you just imagine it?! Actually there is video on Mikki's blog, right hand side click on Jaclyn.

Im just posting their fabulous faces to brag... heehee! :)

I can't wait to hug them! and if Cam and I are lucky enough to produce babies that cute... wow! Im excited! hahaha...

okay... Im tired, and in need of some serious sleep, Ive been up waaaaaay too long!

Blessings to all!

O... and thanks to everyone who has complimented me on my wedding invitation, those who have received theirs! Im so glad that they are loved by all :)

here is another one of our engagement photos, I thought that I'd share them one at a time... and since Im sitting here very much missing Cam, this was my attempt to try and stop the obsessing thoughts that life is going to drastically change all in two months for me starting October.

how you might ask?
well... my surgery is the 15th, where I need to take almost a week off work to recover and be prepared. This will hopefully mean that my battle with Endometriosis will be either over completely or on the road to be over. So in a way, how do you live one day with frequent pain? Bloat? Irritability... and whatever else comes with this disease and then in a day, in a surgery... it goes away! Its been this bad for five years, and then in 6 or so weeks its going to be Poof... GONE!

next, Cindy from work is going to be leaving to have her baby, so the store and all the file responsibilities will be on Richelle and I completely. For one full year, although I feel ready for it... its still daunting.

thirdly, Im taking the most desperately needed steps to better my health. I know I say this a lot but this is serious. I don't want to mention what Im doing until my success is seen, but its going to be dramatically different... YAY!

and then... I marry the man of my dreams! I will move out of my home with my family and into an apartment with Cam in Abbotsford. I will change my last name to Stehr, and have to start grocery shopping and making dinner on a regular basis! :D
Don't get me wrong Im psyched, but its going to be very different...

another change? Im graduating CBC with a diploma, I want to go back and finish my BA and also go for a degree in nutrition. but still... I will have a college diploma people, something I never dreamed I would reach.

Lots of change to look forward to... everything good... I feel like my entire life, even my physical body is going to dramatically change. FINALLY! hahahaha...

O... THANK YOU! to everyone to came to or was involved in my passion party shower last night. I didn't take photos because honestly, the table was scandalous with all the "toys", hahahaha, it wasn't embarrassing like I thought it would be, after two glasses of wine I was laughing at everything and having a hoot! I certainly was educated.
And thank you to everyone who came and bought me presents, SO MUCH FUN! hahaha, Im sure Cam will thank you in 3 months and 2 weeks.

Okay... getting to be a little too much... better head off to bed for a snooze before work.

BLESSINGS! people... **hugz**

so today I just came back from my amazing and wonderful three night stay at CBC. it was so weird this time to walk on campus and be a commuter. I wasn't exactly a student, yet, I wasn't exactly a "visitor" either. Its my home, CBC is just as much my home as this house I am sitting in now. Its where I fell in love with the love of my life, where I started to intently learn about the God I love and serve, and where some of my most momentous growing experiences and challenges have taken place. Its the place where my professor of New Testament Theology comes up to me and gives me a hug in the halls, asks me how my wedding plans are coming along and says with the most sincere voice that he has been praying for me all summer long and is thrilled that I am finally getting the surgery I need to correct my Endometriosis. Now tell me, where else do you experience that kind of love?

Its the place where I walk up to the registration table and am greeted with a charging David Iwai who picks me up and gives me the most aggressive bear hug Ive ever had in my life! Where Traci tramples over me practically and cries, and where I walk up to the Student lounge and see the biggest smile EVER on Julie's face! With big hugs from her and Tanya! I cried when I drove away from the campus today because not only am I leaving Cam there now until our wedding day... but I am leaving my family behind. I am leaving my life there to accomplish what I need to here, in order to return there. Its crazy to think about, and Im sure my tears will flow once again before these next three and a half months are over... but boy, did I ever feel the love these past few days!

The life of a CBC student is one that I will miss once I graduate and move on, but its seriously the life and the place that I love. I LOVE being a student, I LOVE education, I LOVE psychology and religious studies. I would be a forever student and accomplish a Ph.D if I could afford the time and money.

But tomorrow, I return to IGA... and count down the days until I go back for another visit to CBC on the 13th. And today in the car home I realized that I wouldn't be able to accomplish all that needs to be accomplished if I was at CBC this semester. Its a GOOD THING that I am here in Surrey, that I am at IGA. Its the right step in the correct direction and I keep getting told that the time will fly by. Honestly, I hope so!
Now... I have showers to look forward to! Can you believe it? Nantina my maid of honor is throwing me a shower tomorrow night. Im sure I will post some pictures when I can, I am thrilled and well... will most likely be overwhelmed. But Im SO EXCITED! :)

Finally.... the invitations are in the mail, and I am going to get all the little details done and sorted out soon, and I will feel like a bride! WOW! me... a bride :)

Blessings.

cam and i got our engagement photos done a little while ago by our photographer James Moes. It was soooo much fun! and I am so thankful for how they turned out, very very pretty!

This is one of my favorites.

So, whats new lately? Cameron is heading out to CBC for school on Sunday. And Im getting really sad :'( this means that the next time we'll really get to see one another on a consistent basis will be when we have our time off for our wedding... wow! thats too far away :'( so if Im a bit cranky these next couple of months, that might be why!

Other than that, invitations are done and will be in the mail very very soon! so Im thrilled about that! it took some very thoughtful and incredible friends of mine to get them done. So THANK YOU to Nantina, Alissa, Kortney, Amy, Holly and Mandy for your help. LOOOOVe you guys! And for Nantinas mom and Heather who kept us company on Tuesday night while we took over the dining room table with our mess. Nan and I had to take two emergency Walmart runs to get enough glue to finish them! Fun times!

So... Im taking some serious steps and making some serious changes to my lifestyle and I am SUPER excited for my opportunity to step into a new kind of life and new kind of health. Please pray for strength for me to have the dedication and self control I need to succeed but I know that God will help me do so.

Well... bed and then up early, and then work!

O, one more Yay for seeing my bridesmaid Julie on Monday night SO EXCITED!!! I LOVE YOU JULIE!!! I am beyond thrilled, I haven't seen her or talked to her since April, its been very difficult. So its going to be such an emotional reunion for us once we finally get to talk. Im going to Cams friend, Mikes wedding reception and then right after we're going to CBC, I get to spend two nights at Julies place on campus and then register for my one class. Child Psychology, which Im doing through correspondence.

You know what is great though? Im graduating!!!! In december I will recieve my two year diploma in psychology (care giving and counseling) from CBC. I will get to walk the stage as Nicole Stehr in April and participate in everything graduation. I am super excited cause I thought I would have to wait a lot longer to have that opportunity. Hopefully I will get to go back and finish my BA later on.

Blessings everyone! :)

I GOT A SURGERY DATE! yay!!

I have to go in for surgery on October 15th, and I am thrilled that I will finally have some answers after this and some relief and treatment!

hurray for this intense blessing!

First off I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all of you for your prayers and love and support, its been been amazing to be so blessed!

So.... I went into the womens health center yesterday (in the Womens hospital in Vancouver) and after they weighed me and took my height, blood pressure and pulse. I waited in the waiting room.
My mom and I were then called into another room where I told my entire five year story of pain!!!
I was then examined which was NOT comfortable, but Williams and her intern could only find what they called a "trigger spot" when they pushed on a part of my stomach and made me try and sit up, that HURT a lot!

So... whats the verdict??!!

Dr. Williams before she even examined me said that she wanted to do surgery. and then after she examined me she said again that she wants to do surgery to confirm that Endometriosis is what I have. She said that there is a 95% chance that I have it. That after going through my history she feels strongly that its Endo and the every day pain that Im describing is certainly not IBS.
She also said that after surgery, I will be feeling MUCH better! SO EXCITED for that. It will be incredible to wake up on my wedding day, slip into my sexy dress and have fun the whole day without any pain at all! I will be EXTATIC! for that.

So... I have to wait 2-5 months for surgery. She also said that I have to loose weight for the surgery which will be simply diagnostic to confirm if I do in fact have Endometriosis.

I am very nervous to go under but SUPER HAPPY that something is finally being done about it! Please continue to pray for me as this journey is definitely not over, and that I will get a surgery date as soon as possible with a quick recovery. After surgery Dr. Williams will go from there to talk treatment and so then is when the drugs (if any) would start. Right now, I just wait... again. You know, if God wants to teach me patience, he sure has through this entire experience!

Blessings! :)

so its obviously been a while since Ive done some blogging. Honestly I haven't even been online lately, not entirely sure why.
So... what is new!?
Well, on July 27th I went to my friend Lauren's wedding to her man Brenton. It was BEAUTIFUL! and she looked incredible! If you want to read details go to her blog on the right side of your screen down to "new chapters". It was so much fun and I got to talk to some really great people who I met for the first time. I was sad to leave early for Cam to get to Stillwood in time for lights out. Her cousin-in-law Rachel even gave birth to her baby boy the day of her wedding, so it was really exciting to be at the rehearsal and have it announced that it was a boy! so CONGRATS to both Lauren for her big day and Rachel on the birth of her son!

Work has been great! I have exceeded my own expectations with how well I have caught on, I have another 6am shift in the morning to do books, so bed is just a hour away for me! Im starting to feel really distant from people again but only cause Im working what feels like so much and when I get off there is only so much time I get to spend with Cam and my parents in a week. It sometimes doesn't feel fair at all cause Cam gets camp and summer day trips, including fishing and I just have work and home. I feel like I haven't had the luxury of experiencing summer at all. Which makes me sad.

My doctors appointment at Womens hospital is coming up really quickly. This week has been already emotional and nerve racking thinking about it. I know that there is nothing to worry about (Kort keeps reassuring me!, thank you!) but its still something that will make me nervous. I have never experienced anything like this before, I don't even remember ever being in a hospital for ME so its going to be an experience. And my biggest fear is that Im going to be told that nothing at all is wrong and Im perfectly fine. When in fact something HAS to be wrong cause Im convinced that Im not crazy!

well, Im announcing it even though the parents probably don't want me to BUT... WE'RE MOVING! to Langley! seriously, our house is up for sale, do you know anyone looking for a house? send them here!

Im watching John and Kate plus 8 now! I loooove this show!

blessings!

so its been a while... I know... Im sorry, for those of you who read my wonderful array of tales. Its been crazy busy for me, I have switched with Richelle (my wonderful file buddy) from night to super early morning shifts. So in the past I couldn't do anything cause I was working late, now Im exhausted and need to get used to the early shifts (which I LOVE) to be able to have energy to make it through the week. Other than the lack of time and energy (what else is new?) life is going really well... things are good, I really shouldn't be complaining.

however... today when I sat outside wearing my lulu lemon sweater which I love!!!! and reading my bible. 1 John, which is one of my favorite books. Things kinda hit me. So I finally took the envelope out of my basket on the hutch in my parents house (which Ive had for a month and been avoiding), the one that the hospital sent me for my appointment and I opened it up with stomach pain turning in my gut. I read the blue sheet which explains what I need to bring to the appointment, any history of surgeries which is something I expected to read (no surgeries of my past). And then comes the paragraph about how it is highly recommended to bring someone for support, and that the person you bring will be registered along with you at the hospital, to help you in the room for encouragement and to discuss treatment. All the sudden that paragraph made things a little bit more scary for me.

If you read Kortney's blog (falling leaf) on the right hand side of my blog you will come across an entry when she talks about how she prayed and prayed and cried and cried to God to be given the gift of children. Its the worst feeling in the world to know that there is a high statistic against you that children could not happen if Endo in fact is your condition. And if you're like me, or Kort, in desperate want to be a mother. Then you can understand how depressing this disease can be. Thankfully I am convinced that I will have children, but the fear that I have absolutely NO CLUE whats going on in my body is very overwhelming... especially when being asked millions of personal questions on a sheet of paper, the questions you know when being answered in the little examining room could mean the differences of being under a knife and in surgery, or taking birth control pills until menopause creeps up... or worse, ending up at square one again with no clue with the happenings of my body.
Each of these "options" are not exactly what I thought for myself five years ago when this all started to happen.

so I realised today, as I sat outside, as I read 1 John... that the trust I give has to truly fall in the hands of God. Im sure that everyone who reads this does not believe the way I do, and that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that I know what I believe and what I stand for, and if believing that health, full health, complete health is in the hands of God and trusting in him through this process brings me greater faith than that is exactly what I will do.

Its not easy to not know what to do... I am exceptionally thankful that I don't have cancer, that I am blessed and priveledged, but disease and disorders, sickness of any kind, especially when you truly have NO IDEA whats going on is exhausting, and emotionally frustrating and depressing.

On another note: PRAISE GOD that I am as blessed as I am to have my family, my job and especially my Cam.

Blessings! :)

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday and it was such a fun day! I woke up, early though... unfortunately a little too early, and had such a fantastic phone call with my grandma who almost made me cry. She was super super sweet, so that was the perfect start! Then my parents, Jay and Brandon surprised me with presents. I got this really cool hair dryer, underwear of course! and lots of gift cards so Cam and I can go out on a really romantic date. Then we went out for brunch at IHop, I had eggs benedict. It was really kinda sad for me because it was the last birthday as Nicole Kroeker, my next one will be as Mrs. Nicole Stehr. What an incredible thing to think about! I really enjoyed my family time, and like always we ordered WAY too much food but had such great and hilarious conversation. Then we went out for a Starbucks treat, and I was dropped off at Cams parents place. (Mom and Dad S!) Cam had my present waiting me, I got SO SPOILED! A elephant webkins stuffed animal, which I will admit I have such a blast playing online and I adore elephants. Then because of an inside joke between Cam and I and David Iwai, I got two big containers of The Body Shop body butter, passionfruit and strawberry, he told me that he smelt all the different ones to pick out his favorite for me! As well, Cam gave me a devotional book which he picked out himself and an adorable and super sweet card which he wrote things that practically brought me to tears! (thanks babe!) He got a juicy kiss and a super hug for the thoughtfulness and perfect gift! Then Mom S comes out with a present and balloon for me, what a sweet heart. I open it up and what do I find? A home-made recipe box!!!!!!! and this isn't just an ordinary recipe box, its a super box, crafted with a bunch of special scraptbook paper with the colors brown and green which are PERFECT for my new kitchen colors! I also got my favorite bubble bath :) Then Cam and I went and WE DID OUR REGISTRY! Well, we did half of it, wow its going to take a while. We got our bed and bath stuff done, and some other little things. We have to go back to put all of our kitchen stuff on. But first off we want to talk about what we really want for our kitchen. Then in November we're going to add a bunch of more "home" stuff to it which will reflect more of where we know we're going to live and what we know we're going to need. So thats good! and it was SO MUCH FUN! I got to let Cam hold the "gun scanner thingy" more than me, he loved it. He then took me out for dinner, which is such a treat because we never have the opportunity to do it. And I got to order a drink, which was a coconut bellini SO GOOD! Cam had his Guinness of course. I ordered a legendary burger with fries cause its such a rare thing for me to eat that kind of food, Cam had fish and chips. We then went out and grabbed a Starbucks! Yummies two for me! And we went to see Wall*E which was fantastic! I loved it, it was really cute. A love story between two robots! Cam and I then went back to my parents place and said "hi" we were both really exhausted and he went home. I stayed up for a bit with my parents and then went to bed! Such a GREAT day! I loved it, and I wanted to say thanks to everyone who emailed me and called me. THANKS HOLLY! THANK YOU Nantina and Alissa for your text messages! LOVED them. And Julie for your card. I just feel overwhelmed with all the love coming my way. Even today was great! I woke up at 5:30am I guess with habit from all the other Sundays up that early, and after forcing myself back to sleep I was up again and ready in time for church. I went with my parents, after we took a look around at some properties that they wanted to check out and then I was back at Cams parents place. We went strawberry picking which was a hoot! We're going to make it an annual thing! We're freezing all of our strawberries for later on in the year. Then I had a great Mexican dinner there and after a very full weekend I came home exhausted and ready for some pj's and now its time to go to bed. Im really excited for bed! I get to see Cam again on Tuesday which Im thrilled for and although this week at work will be exhausting most likely, it'll be fine.
My headaches are coming back and being very consistent, my stomach pain/cramps are still here and more intense in the mornings and Im not sure sometimes whats going on, its so weird to feel so disconnected with your body and to just have no idea what to think about it. But its just five or so weeks until the specialist. YES! seriously, SO HAPPY!
My invitation paper is being ordered on Monday and then once I get my hands on it, the invites will begin to get made. I had to modify my prototype a bit, but I am still very very pleased with how they are going to look, exactly what I had envisioned.
The next thing I guess is just to meet with Tracey for finalising the decor of the reception and then I will be officially waaaay ahead of the game. Actually it was kinda funny how most of the Bridal Gallery girls were so impressed with how far in advance I have everything done. They kept saying that most girls who are getting married in August have less done than me and my date is in December! I can't imagine.

Well... This post is so long that I assume most of you aren't going to read all of it and thats perfectly fine and definitely not expected.

Actually a really exciting thing for me lately is that I pulled out some of my old journals, I journal like a scribe and while I read most of my old entries I really began to grab a hold of who I was and I reflected on who I am today and noticed that my spiritual life was lacking significantly. I started to realise that I really am allowing other things in my life to overtake my identity and I was really saddened. Its like I lost myself in the messes of situations. So, I feel as though Ive found my "spunk" and myself again. Its as though I was putting God on the back burner and as soon as I realised how much of myself is found in being a child of God I lost those parts of me. So now, Im working really hard to bring them back. I have found my passions again and my desires, the reasons why I love the things I do, and the reasons why I stand up for what I do. The reasons why I so desperately love school, health, Cam, psychology, creativity, nature.. etc..

well, I better sign off before I end up writing a novel.

Blessings!

This is my friend Kortney Story with her husband Jordon. I actually stole this photo from her facebook photo album, but I wanted to share some exciting news with you guys because I am SUPER excited and happy for her and well, right now it feels like this is happening to so many of my friends.

KORTNEY IS FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT!

She just found out last Tuesday because well, like me (well still "maybe" for me), but she has Endometriosis and has been on hormone treatment for the past two years. Which means she had no idea this was happening even though she was super sick all the time. She figured it was morning sickness. SO... Both Becky and Kortney are pregnant, which means two brand-new babies at my wedding (hopefully!) WOW! a whole new kind of role now, a new kind of "time" of life now that its happening where married friends start having babies.
I told Kort on the phone today "I want a baby!" and its true, I do... but most definitely not right away, although if it was to happen right away I would still be thrilled!

What makes me really hopeful knowing that Kort got pregnant? That it can happen for me too... you see with Endo, you read stats that say that 40% of those with Endo are infertile. And although I refuse to believe that for myself, there is that high possibility of it happening. Even the thought of your chances rising that high that you may not be able to carry children... it makes one who has a great hope to be a mother, feel desperately saddened. I mourned that statistic until I got up one day and talked to Cam and decided that wasn't going to be me. But still... I am hopeful that a fellow Endo patient got to conceive because I have read of many who haven't.
and even if Endo isn't my problem, I still feel exactly the same way!

so... CONGRATS KORTNEY AND JORDON, you are both going to make excellent parents! :)

Blessings everyone!

Although I have a crazy sinus headache that kills!... Life is FANTASTIC! Just thought I'd share, I have some good time off next week which I plan to use to see my Cameron and spend some quality time with mom, and hopefully some other wonderful people, get my room packed up and move upstairs (switching with Brandon) and hopefully get some color and a good tan started for the honeymoon! (yah right!)

Love you all... THANKS FOR MY BIRTHDAY CARD JULIE! I LOVE YOU FRIEND.

Blessings! and a happy hot weekend to all, I will be enjoying most of mine in IGA but Im more than okay with it.

I feel like I have some crazy news to share with you... but then when I think about what it was I wanted to share, for the life of me I can't think of it. Hmmm... strange isn't it?! I get to see Cam tomorrow so I am thrilled, its been a week and a half that he has been at camp doing his staff training and I kinda feel bad for the guy because it is his last staff training, he isn't going to be doing full summers at Stillwood from now on. We just won't be able to swing it for him to be at camp for 10 weeks out of the summer and well, when it comes to marriage, I don't want to be apart for 10 full weeks. Nor could I stay at Stillwood for 10 weeks with him while he does it. So... he is saying so long to Stillwood and I can only imagine how hard that will be for him. This is his 7th summer doing the job.

I have started to research more about Endometriosis in my spare time. I want to get more of a grasp as to how the disease works and what I could do now that I am waiting for my doctors appointment. Once again I stumbled across a web site that seems to be very informative and helpful. Its not my goal to scare myself, but it is more my goal to give myself a basic understanding of what I may be up against. I don't want to see Doctor Williams in August and have no clue as to what she is saying to me or have no clue what kinds questions she would be asking me.
I have found though that a seriously restricted diet is basically the best thing for me. Its very very hard, but with basic experience I have found that it works, especially in these past couple of weeks I ate really well one week and the second not so well. In the second week I was sick literally every day with cramping and other pain. It was horrible. Now in my third week I am back on the eating plan and already feeling much better.
There is something wrong, bodies don't just hurt for no reason.

More wedding things are getting accomplished! The dresses are ordered HORRAY! and the mens tuxes are ordered as well DOUBLE HORRAY! such a stress relief for me.. the dresses will most likely be in for September which gives so much time before the wedding to get them altered and the tuxes will be ready for pick up the day before the wedding. woot woot! Even my dress should be in by September! SO excited to put my dress on and cry.

Nothing really new otherwise, just the same old. I have the next two days off work, which will be nice. And then back to work! Im really loving the file...

Blessings, Im getting my hair cut in the morning and so Im excited for the new change.

there are SO many people that I miss right now in life. like seriously miss, like aching in my gut miss. i miss Cam mostly at this moment its just too hard to be away from someone you love, and i know im being over dramatic and pathetic, especially since i know someone who is thousands of miles away from her fiance. but distance is still distance and being away from the one you love and not being able to be with them the way you want, in waiting for marriage, hanging out with them all the time and just having that closeness in relationship that you're just months, weeks, days away from is daunting, frustrating and exhausting at times. **sigh**

but not just that, i miss hanging out at school with my most dearest friends, i miss julie, i miss amber & traci, i miss dave (believe it or not!) i miss maren, carlene, heidi, tanya, holly, kendra. i miss walking into the guys place next door and awkwardly opening up the door without knocking to find one of them either in a towel or many of them walking around in boxers or no shirt! these wonderful friends made life super interesting and always fun!
i miss my sisters in law (to be) jen and michele, and the incredible relationship i already have with them... i miss my nieces (their daughters) i want to play with them and hug them and be the super cool aunt who plays barbies and sneaks them treats!

i miss my old gracepoint days when i would see nantina, alissa & amy all the time! that was so much fun... now i hardly get to see them.

why all the sudden the missing of close individuals? because i spent my day with Becky today, and it was SO MUCH FUN! but having that day with her today made me realise how much i miss my days with all of my other super close friends and how much i miss my coffee dates, curb side guy chats (julie!) and park walks. how i miss staying up until 2am studying for a final the next morning and how much i hate that life moves on in small ways making it impossible to see everyone all the time.
i miss seeing Kortney for neighborhood walks, and bugging my guy friends mat & kevin. or living beside kailee.

but seeing becky today, my amazing, pregnant, halariously encouraging friend... made me realise again all the wonderful things that i get to look forward to in regards to getting married, eventually starting a family and taking new steps in my life in different directions than some of these friends and that its okay.
Some of these friends are at the same place as me, some just got married, others been married for a while and one (becky) is having her first child. So i have so many more great adventures and talks with them... so many more coffee dates, child play dates, wedding parties and just plain curb side conversations to have. and I am THRILLED that each and every one of these people understand that life moves on and relationships can continue to flourish and grow in situations which change all the time.

THANK YOU MY FRIENDS, for being such extrodinary people!
I LOVE YOU! **Hugz**

blessings to all.

hello all! I found a new really neat wedding website page... I absolutely LOVE it and have fiddled aroud with it tonight to put if up and have it running. Its so much fun this kinda stuff... anyways, its on the right hand side, the wedding website link.

Camy loves Colie

and then I added my blog that is attached to this site in my "blogs to read" section

When a Frog and a Stare collide

I hope you all enjoy!

Cam is gone this week for camp, which means no communication of any kind until he is back. I HATE this, I need him really bad this week, Im having such a hard time without him. And I miss him super much :'( I might be a bit of a baby this time, but seriously you guys, I have my reasons.

Blessings!

this picture i found on my parents camera which was lost for several months, its another one of our pictures that was taken on the day we got engaged back on Feb 16th. its overwhelming to me how much love there is between Cam and i, we have grown together extraordinarily. and are blessed beyond what i think we both thought possible. things are just falling into place so perfectly that i don't believe anything else but the divine had His hand upon us. the difference though between Cam and me?! he is SUPER patient, like if he had a super power it would be his capacity to be crazy patient. thats just who he is, and i admire it because i am NOT in the least bit patient at all. and since falling in love with Cam i have noticed that more about myself. so now...as you can see from my count down, there is just a tiny bit more than 6 months until our wedding and im going NUTS! i want to get married, live with him, cook for him, have my own home, be with my husband. thats just the life i truly want to live and i want to live it yesterday! BAAAAA!!!!! grrrrrrr.... at least Cam knows my unpaitent self and keeps me calmed down.

on another note... I GOT MY SPECIALIST APPOINTMENT FINALLY BOOKED TODAY! The anticipated date is August 15th! and its about the same level of importance to me to count down as my wedding day. No joke! On my break today at work I practically broke down and cried in the staff room because I read a text message from my mom that I got an appointment booked and that there was a mix up with our mailing address that caused them to think I chose not to take their help when in reality I was all upset that they weren't calling me. They were anticipating me to call them since MARCH! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! MARCH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! BAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I could seriously kick my doctors office in the butt! or rip out my hair!
But Im just thankful that things are finally and I mean FINALLY getting sorted out, its been 5 years, I deserve some answers. Im nervous cause its still cutting it kinda close to the wedding date, but Im sure things are going to work out just fine. Im confident that God has His divine hand in the midst of it all. I just don't want to be a grumpy/hormonal/piece of work on my wedding day or honeymoon due to hormone treatment... **fingers crossed** for Cam in particular! :)

But seriously... PRAISE GOD!
Blessings to all!

ps. work is FANTASTIC! and Richelle the girl Im working file with is wonderful, I really appreciate her. I can only anticipate a truly fun filled and exciting work career ahead of me at Robs IGA for the next two years! :) (at least!)

hello to all once again! this week has be wonderful so far, snd its only the middle tomorrow. im really looking forward to tomorrow... i will be hanging with my mother and then i will get to see my fantastic and sexy fiance! :)
heehee... more wedding things have slowly been getting done. Another milestone of wedding fun!? BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES! got done on Saturday I am THRILLED with what we chose, the dresses are very elegant, very pretty and are going to make my maids look super beautiful!
Next? get the guys all suited up on the 21st! Yay! very excited for that.

work is great, I really do love my job and the store I work in. its fun to be there and the time just flies by for me. Im learning so much of the file and I really do enjoy it so much!

so Cam and I are going to go and book our honeymoon on Saturday! Our destination???
The Dominican Republic!
I am super excited, he found an all inclusive resort which is apparently fanastic and greatly recommended by his parents travel agency. So... thats our honeymoon spot and I am EXTATIC! Because I never thought I would get to go there.

I just want to be married already... this waiting thing sucks :'(

Be BLESSED! :D

i just can't even begin to describe to you how amazing life is these days... God has blessed us ENORMOUSLY! with all that has been going on. i can't even fathom what other good stuff He has in store. my job is going wonderfully, i absolutely LOVE it, although im still a little nervous to go all on my own, im thankful that Cindy will be around till October to fix my wrongs, but im really confident with so much, doing a lot without help and taking the initiative. its great! :)

so... new news! a great friend of mine, kailee rathburn is looking into a friends condo to see if we can rent it out when the knot is finally tied! the condo is in Langley, we are just talking back and forth and we have no idea if there is a chance, but the opportunity is there and im thrilled! this would mean that we won't move into Abby but would then stay in Langley where we want to be anyways! from what we hear, the place is beautiful and only a year old!!!! so many prayers that if thats the place for us, that everything comes together.

so im sick :'(
and today Cam and I had a date planned after work, but i was just too sick to be able to go out and be much fun. SO... instead we stayed inside at my place and just relaxed, which was perfect for me. but you know what my amazing fiance did?! he surprised me with FLOWERS! and a really sweet card. just cause he loves me and wanted to spoil me. O that wonderful, amazing boy. i am so blessed! the being apart and not living two seconds from one another thing is REALLY REALLY HARD :'( we hardly see each other but only 6 and a half more months to go and we won't have to deal with it anymore! yay!

well... better go to bed and get some sleep, we have some bridesmaid dress shopping to do tomorrow, and im back to work bright and early on Sunday!

BLESSINGS! :)

so... many of you know that I work at IGA Marketplace in Cloverdale, well... today I started my training for FILE!!!! Im super super excited to be given this wonderful opportunity to further my "education" of the store. I really loved the training, I learn quickly so it was great to be shown what needs to get done on Sunday mornings, something I will be doing myself probably next month. But the job itself? LOVE IT! Seriously, I really like it, there is a lot of repetition and all, but its great, its something I see myself doing for a while. And I really love the store, I appreciate the managers and some workers. So.. PRAISE GOD! For this blessing and "promotion" because I feel like its exactly where Im supposed to be :)

YAY! FOR ME!
**big smile**

HUGE thanks to everyone who posted on my last post and gave me a great big hug and "its okay to stress about the stressful guest list" speech. I appreciate and LOVE you all so very much in your quest to love and encourage me. Its SO appreciated! This weekend was a really productive wedding weekend, which is just more and more exciting. Saturday I worked until 6pm and then Cam came over and hung out with little wedding discussion (mostly just nice and relaxed time). Then today Cam came over to work in our garden with the guys, pulling out weeds and putting in fresh dirt! The garden looks GREAT and Cam did an amazing job. I am so proud of my fiance, working hard and doing is very best and taking pride in his work. It makes me thrilled that he does so well in all of his accomplishments, along with youth work and landscaping. I love to see his finished work and I just can't wait to hear about his youth nights when he gets home on Thursday nights and calls me up to fill me in! But anyways, thats enough bragging. Bakerview church, the one that Cam interns at emailed me about a month ago asking if today would be a good day for me to attend a bridal/baby shower in honor of all the new brides and babies of Bakerview, not knowing anyone at all I said "sure! I would LOVE to come" and so mom and I went today and had such a great time! I am soooo happy that they had invited me, I was even honored in a slide show, had to stand up with lots of lovely ladies going "awwwww... " when introduced as Cam's fiance, and even got a card and a gift which I never expected. I was floored as to the hospitality and gentle loving kindness they all showed. THANK YOU SO MUCH! My first "shower" and I loved every moment of it. I even sat next to one of those honored babies who was ADORABLE! makes me want babies (umm... Cam... nudge nudge).
My card was even wrapped with beautiful ribbon that I took home, showed Cam and later attached to our prototype invitation and both of us were like "THATS THE RIBBON!" hahahaha.... so ummm... where did you find it!?
Eric Ens (who is marrying us) and Karen Roeck (his daughter and long time friend) came over tonight as well to discuss ceremony. We pretty much got it all planned out (except fine details, like word for word what we're saying) and Im STOKED! to have that in the works already... its all coming together nicely! They stayed for a bit to chow down on some yummy salmon and that brings me to this moment sitting on the couch sweating and having stomach pain which is keeping me up, but not grumpy!

all in all... good, great weekend. Tomorrow Im off to see Kortney, very excited to have coffee with her after work. Then Wednesday I have off and will be seeing Nantina. Saturday is then Jason and Brandon's birthday paintball extravaganza where I am hoping to coax Cam into a romantic evening... we'll see if its a success!

Loves and hugz... and of course, blessings to all

O yah... God is doing some remarkable things to my mind and heart in regards to health and wellness, there are still some habiats that I obviously need to break free from but overall, my goodness my mind is opening up and my passions are openly changing. its remarkable what God can do! and what he can reveal. Im PSYCHED!

I almost forgot... my part of the guest list is complete and Im SO HAPPY that its done. Im not sure if changes will take place, but I am confident with the end result and very happy with the number. There is still Cams list, Karen/Kelvins and my parents list to add to create the master one. But mine is done, and thats all that matters at this exact moment... so **breathing sigh of relief** stress eliminated and sleeping bliss will commence :)

THE GUEST LIST IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!! just thought I would scream my frustrations out on here, okay. Im done, well not really, I haven't even started the guest list and I am planning to order paper from Traci really soon here. BA! So seriously people, if I offend you by not giving you an invite, Im seriously just not going to care so much because this is one of the, no! this IS the most stressful part of the whole experience and I will not deal with it any longer! :P

**deep breath**

I feel MUCH better now!

seven months today and i am going to marry this magnificent man! i am super, crazy emotionally excited! im sure you have no idea unless you talked to me about it... i cant believe how fast the time is flying away. it feels like just yesterday cam and i were discussing marriage and then just days after that where we came up with a date, all the sudden we're engaged (best day ever!) and now ive been wearing my ring for over three months and the date is just 7 months away!
cam and i just visited a friend of karen (cams mom) who happens to be a florist! (SCORE!) so... we met with her on sunday, she is a sweetheart and im thrilled to be working with her on my flowers, just a little wait to see how the prices will pan out and then a deposit and the deal is done! SUPER thrilled that she is going to try and make my wedding bouquet come true! my dream one that is. im thrilled that this is one more wedding essential being taken care of.

this week im working hard, once again. i am seeing Becky tomorrow, my super pregnant friend, along with two other friends to attend the show of the new Hillsong United movie at Metrotown. it shall be grand!
then its work and relaxing until Saturday when i get to see Cam again! (im a dork, its torture to not see him everyday like we are used to, the wedding can't come soon enough!) then Sunday for more wedding planning!!!!!
O, i get to go to the Bakerview bridal shower, where they have invited me to attend so that they can celebrate with me and Cams engagement! I was super surprised and honored to be asked to come and be celebrated! wow! very excited for that :)

so... thats my week! its going to be good.
Blessings.

motivation is a word with lots of well... availability for lacking. thats me at this moment, with no "lets do it!" enthusiasm anymore. i mean i feel poor, and i see the sickness bloat me every time food enters my stomach, but the motivation to stick to a diet that only the most determined person on earth can succeed at is seeming to be impossible. what do i do? i have no clue at the moment!

food journal, exercise program, weekly planning, that makes more sense to me. ba! just me here complaining once again.

my weekend, looks good!
seeing Narnia with my brothers, Cam and Brandon's girlfriend tonight... late. Then its a nice, wonderful day of relaxing on Monday! yippppeeee for relaxing!

and all you who got to enjoy the sun these past couple of days, I envy you :P
I enjoyed from my till at IGA, it was a marvelous sight.

Blessings!

its official... the bridal party has changed!!! and I am really happy with adding two wonderful friends of mine to the mix of peeps who will stand next to me and support me on my big, wonderful day! :)

Julie Ratcliff and Alissa Dueck, are going to be among my supporters! :)

If you have kept up with my blog you will know that my precious friend Becky Davidson is expecting her first bundle of joy and therefore, is due about a month before the wedding and with no concrete indication if she will be in Canada for the date. Therefore, with much sadness on both parts she has stepped down of bridesmaid duties and I have had the luxury of praying, contemplating and debating what to do. I have always considered these two to be in the party since the start. They are supported me, stood by me, they are incredible and amazing women of God and just friends all together. They always lend their ears, give advice, hug! Love, and give of themselves with all of them selves. I love them both to pieces, I respect them, adore them and am thrilled to have them be there for me.

So the party:
Nantina Tyerman, maid of Honor
Julie Ratcliff, bridesmaid
Alissa Dueck, bridesmaid
Jennifer Wohlgemut, bridesmaid
Michele Walker, bridesmaid
(and not in this order, I have no clue!)
and the official, unofficial: Becky Davidson, supporter extraordinaire!

The wedding planning is coming along, next on the list, florist who we are seeing Sunday, then meeting with our "officiant" who happens to be a close family friend, Eric Ens! along with meeting his daughter Karen Roeck who is doing piano (shes amazing!) then its dress/tux shopping, invitation paper ordering, and a meeting with Tracey for decor change.
WOW!!!!!

Okay, bed for me so that I can sleep and be prepared for work tomorrow morning, start at 9am. (yipppeeeeee!!!!!) honestly, I LOVE my job and the people I work with. I mean I miss CBC and the lunch ladies, but this is good too! :)

Blessings on you!

today was mothers day, which was such a wonderful thrill for me to absolutely spoil my mother (and soon to be mother in law). i made my mother breakfast, bought her flowers, a cd, some chocolate and an apron with fancy new oven mits. all with the help with my brothers and my father of course. it was such a fun day, to drive into Richmond and spoil my grandma with our presence, buy her flowers and give her tonz of kisses. i love to make the important women in my life feel amazing, they deserve every moment of it and i expect it from my children when they are my age. its the thing to do... spoil the ones you love with love and gifts! :)

lately, ive been scared of my health. ive been scared because things aren't working properly and ive discovered what coffee does to me, which is such a downer since its one of my favorite treats. but coffee FOR SURE gives me tough headaches, wreaks havoc on my digestion, gives me cramps and makes me sleepy, this is even the case with decaf. tough huh?! ive been trying other "helpful" digestion remedies which are supposed to help me but have done nothing, i take a handful of pills in the morning and hemp hearts to give me some relief and health, all they do now is make me almost gag. BAAAAA!!!! and its next to impossible for me to find a doctor who will LISTEN and get down to the bottom of my failing health. my inner ears hurt all the time now too... im concerned that i have an ear infection thats been brewing for the past couple of months but if thats the case then i believe i would be a lot sicker than i am (like fever, loss of balance, etc..)
IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A GOOD DOCTOR TAKING PATIENTS PLEASE GIVE ME THEIR NUMBER!
cramps and crazy fatigue which ive been struggling with for the past week along with insane cravings and intense desire to snack have been my days lately. when your hormones are all over the place it seems impossible to control what you want to put in your mouth, so i feel out of control in the whole diet territory which has made my diet impossible to follow. tomorrow im back on the program, im putting my foot down against myself and its certainly not easy. i mean when you feel like crap you just want to eat crap and forget the consequences of it.

okay, i sound like a downer.

reality, i am finding new ways to deal with everything. my intelligent brother put it this way "YOU only have the power to get over it and find a way to live with it and fight it" sooo much truth in that.

Life is wonderful and wedding planning is going very well. Its almost time for bridesmaid dress shopping! :) eeeeeeekkkk..... its still all so surreal, even after the wedding dress shopping, I LOVED trying them all on, I almost wish it would have taken longer, so I could have allowed it to sink in more.
Marriage and all that comes with it is sinking in more and more these days, the intense conversations, and such that come along with them are making things a bit more real for me today, a good real of course!

Work tomorrow, then a wonderful time with Nantina to discuss wedding, chat it up and for me to admire her new intense skinny figure! very excited.
and I hope to see Alissa this week... that would be super!
wahoooo for good friends and good times! I looooove my coffee dates :) (well, tea dates now I guess)

Blessings

so... another big wedding planning event is done! I got my dress today and its fantastic! I looooove it so much. Its perfect, absolutely perfect! But... no no no, no peeking for anyone other then a select few. Not even my father or brothers are going to know what I will look like until the big day! So don't even bother asking me what designer, or what "kind" of dress it is. Because I am NOT spilling the beans.

Off to bed... to dream fantastic wedding dreams! :)

Blessings!

so Im going wedding shopping!!! that is dress shopping I mean and I am SUPER EXCITED for it, unfortunately I have been feeling super sick/crampy these past couple of days (well, this whole week in fact) which has made it interesting at work and with eating. my tummy is NOT happy, I think that I need to keep reminding myself that I have this "problem" that doesn't seem to go away, and that its apart of life right now until I can get it fixed and just ignoring it won't make it disappear so fighting the uncontrollable cravings, bloat, pain, headaches, dizzyness and such is just something which needs to be done. I can't just give in all the time and allow these things to rule my day. So...its such a fantastic character adjustment and takes enormous strength, which Im most definitely learning daily, this can only make me more of the person I am, it can only foster incredible growth and perseverance, which I am proud of myself for continuing to strive to acheive!

BUT.. back to happy point. WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING! super excited, super happy! :)

O, and I got two more engagement cards in these past couple of weeks (one today), which I absolutely LOVE receiving, they are so much fun. Makes me smile super big when I get them in the mail.

If I buy anything I will let you know! :)
but I won't be giving out details, thats a secret... ESPECIALLY to be kept from Cam.

Blessings,

O and can you believe it!? ALMOST... just SEVEN MONTHS away! eeeekkk... its coming super fast, I LOVE it.

I feel absolutely motivated to do what I completely desire to do and accomplish for myself. I know that within the second week of a new "lifestyle change" the individual doesn't feel so motivated anymore and the real challenge begins. Well, Im in week three and with continuously revamping the way I am doing this, I keep myself motivated. Another thing that is keeping me on track in my thinking and progress. Womens Health Magazine. I LOVE this magazine because the tips are great, the info is real and it continues to keep you thinking about what you can do to better yourself. "If they can do it, I can do it!"
So what the heck am I talking about?
I am really trying hard to better myself health wise, and I know that I keep talking about health and that I need to change my habits, etc... but its seriously the truth. About two months ago I noticed that my hair was coming out a lot more in chunks and bunches when I ran my hands through it. SICK right? YAH! Then I read in Womens Health that the first thing to go and tell-tale sign of horrible health is in your hair.
O REALLY! I said out loud (at work on my lunch break!), then this means that EVERYTHING needs to change. And so it will...

I have strength in the Lord, motivation beyond what I feel I need and a bunch of people to help me get through.. Im excited, I will be challenged and its all for health, for myself. yippeeee! :)

Blessings.

on Sunday, as I called my fiance on the phone to give him a heads up that I was just about to jump in the car and take off for his place unannounced. He told me that my prayer counselor, John Schmidt has passed away that morning. I immediately stopped being happy, I stopped talking and with tears streaming down my face asked to call him back. I sat there staring at the wall and memories of sitting in his office with his wife Erna, and them loving me like grandparents, praying for me, giving me advice, guiding me through prayers against bondage came flooding back. I loved John like a friend and grandfather. He was such an incredible man of God, so I know he must be overjoyed to be home with the Lord. But he was also the one who started to help me find myself again and get back to the place I most desperately needed to be with God. He was the one who spoke words of wisdom and most cherished inspiration into my life. I appreciated this man, I respected this man, and now he is gone, and I am sad.
So please pray for Erna, her children and her grandchildren who are experiencing this loss. I never knew he was sick, he didn't tell anyone. They kept it low-key, praying for healing. Now I can understand that he prayed really diligently for me in regards to healing, he understood what sickness felt like.

CBC most definitely won't be the same without him.

so Im back into the swing of things with wedding planning... the list is LONG with things that Cam and I have to accomplish, agree on, design, people to meet with. BAAAAAA!!!! we came up with an amazing and super creative design for our invitations and I LOVE how both of us over tea at Timmies yesterday came up with it. Im NOT telling what its going to look like, but Im super excited to make up a "tester" and then order the paper from Traci's mom.
Another super wedding find... I think that I just came across my bouquet! I LOVE this bouquet, I need to show it to Cam tonight (hopefully I see him) and see what he things (I mean, he IS the flower expert here) but its gorgeous! My goal, is to make the centerpieces, bouquets and invitations concrete in their design and color schemes. THEN I will continue my planning with everything else around them to make sure it all flows, I need one thing as "inspiration" and then have everything else come out from that. Then my mind will stop spinning with all the ideas and ways that I could do everything separately. So if I get this bouquet, does that mean that navy blue is in the color scheme? Im not sure yet! but I do know that Cam will laugh if I ask him. But I can tell you for sure that Lavender and Chocolate Brown are! And even little gold accents, but I think Im going away from the Gold being dominant and more "appearing here and there" YAY! Im SUPER HAPPY to be back into the fun of wedding planning, seriously I see it all in my mind, I can't wait for this magical day to come :)

hello all! well, my week has been interesting to say the least. I started at my new job on Monday, IGA again! only this time its at the Cloverdale IGA so those of you who know where that is I welcome you come in and say "hi". I know the job well, Ive done it before and I really don't mind the cashiering. Its that I have never actually worked 40 a week that will take some getting used to. That and the absence from Cam. Its such an adjustment going from living next door and being able to see him all the time to only a couple days a week for a couple hours. Definitely NOT acceptable, this is making me super impatient for the wedding to come, I just want him all to myself already!!

However, this adjustment is also making me look twice at myself and some things. I mean its hard, its really hard for me to understand some things that just seem so simple, I seem to complicate (all the time!) but its such a learning process and I am soooo grateful for Cam. I am super happy and in love with him, what a blessing! I can't wait!

Ive been putting off the amount of work that needs to get done around me. The bathroom needs cleaning, my room as well, I need to organize and repack all my stuff for moving in December, I need to get all the wedding planning done. And things sorted out with that, I have so many appointments to make and not so much time to get it all done it. AND the STUPID doctors office is stupid and I still don't have a gynecologist appointment even though Ive been calling them about it (I think Im bugging them too!). That needs to get itself sorted and Im looking for a new doctor! EEEKKKKKKkkkkk.....
Okay, the list needs to get shorter... well, I at least need to start making the list first, that will get done tomorrow!

Other than all of this... life is good! and I am thankful for every moment of it. Praise the Lord for His grace.

Its the end of the year and it hasn't really hit me yet that tomorrow, Im packing up the van and moving home. My roommates are dealing with a different experience than me. They are graduating! and I am SUPER PROUD of them... but not me, I have three more semesters left. For me, this is a different experience. I will leave my apartment, I will leave campus tomorrow as a relatively single, 22 year old student who has had a tremendously challenging and incredible year. Now, the next time I walk onto this campus, I will be a 23 year old, married, house wife! WOW! My life will look COMPLETELY different the next time I walk onto campus, the next time I come to this part of "town" to call home again. Cam will no longer be my neighbor, he will be my husband! And I will no longer share a home with girls, no longer will there be sleep-over like times and staying up super late to order pizza and have fondue.
This year has been crazy difficult and yet the most memorable of my college career. I have dealt with hard classes, the pain and remorse of decreasing health, the emotional challenges that Endo has been for me, and the amazing, wonderful and incredible experience of getting engaged! My relationship with Cam has been transforming this year, it has grown to be the most incredible relationship of my life! And I am eternally grateful for my future, my life, my forever with him!
So... today I will go out and have the most amazing girls night with my most treasured friends and then I will pack up, leave this place and embrace the change thats inevitably going to take place.
Ever since the move out of my most cherished home back in grade nine, after I changed high schools, churches, friend circles, having both my grandparents pass away close together and have my health increasingly decrease throughout these past years... Change for me, I just go with the flow! I accept what needs to be accepted and I say bye to those I love with the expectation and hope that they will continue to be apart of my life!
so... GOODBYE! so all my beloved friends from CBC, I love you dearly and I thank you unconditionally for the experiences this year. **Hugz**

today i feel sick... well, ive been feeling sick for a while but today and the days previous to this i have been wondering why i have let it get this far.
i love who i am, i truly do and i am impressed with how far i have come emotionally, spiritually but not exactly physically. i want to be healthier, i want to change my perspectives on food and myself so that i can get to a place of complete transformation and a new "me" in that way but im not sure.
i mean i am prepared and excited to get out of school and start a new lifestyle, one which will be difficult indeed but needed. i feel the sickness, i can see the sickness, the weight ive gained, the blanket, "as it were" ontop of me which has been suffocating myself.
once again though... how have i let it get this far? why? what has told me that i am unable to stop it? im not exactly sure... but i know that i need to get healthy, i NEED to.
i owe it to me, Cam, and our future children.
ba...

I just wanted to say...

BECKY AND KEVIN DAVIDSON!
CONGRATULATIONS :)

They just found out that they are 5 weeks pregnant and expecting in December! yipppeee! I am thrilled for this couple. Becky is one of my closest and most dearest friends, she is amazing and I am super excited for her and the bundle of blessing that is on its way. Another super cute baby to spoil (Wahooooooo!)

Im grinning ear to ear with excitement for her and Kevin. I hope you all are doing the same! Please keep them in your prayers as Becky is an American citizen and is awaiting her Canadian citizenship, so please help in prayer that she receives it before baby D comes along. As well as prayer for a healthy pregnancy.

so lately ive been asking myself the question "what do I want to do?" "who do I want to be?" and although i should probably be directing that question primarily to God, i have been thinking much about it and where i want to end up career wise. my conclusion thus far? there are two directions... health psychology or counselor. my psychology teacher reminded me that those two can coincide and i can actually do both! yipppeeeee... but then i thought to myself "well, i came here with the heart to do ministry, why am i all the sudden going down the road of psychology?"
First off, cause I LOVE it. I seriously love opening up my book and reading about how human behavior effects things, it makes sense to me!
And Secondly, well, because a huge part of me feels lead to walk this road.
Yet, i've always envisioned myself speaking in high schools and counseling adolescent girls out of youth groups concerning eating disorders, self destruction tendencies, and pre-martial sex/teen pregnancies.
But then i realised, it actually kind of side swiped me... those things work with a health psychology degree!!!!! and i would probably be a better speaker, counselor with that health education aspect.
so i guess this is the route im taking! yikies, it scares me, but my goodness you should seriously try and read some of the psychology stuff out there its FASCINATING! im going to DIE taking a year off with no psych classes, im actually going to buy the child psych book, read and highlight and prepare for when i finally get to take the class... how did I become such a geek!????? heehee!

blessings to all!

so i just found out today that my uncle and his fiance (who i already call "aunt" and who is one of my most favorite people EVER!) are getting married in late October/early November! and GUESS WHERE THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED????.... really, come on, guess!??? HAWAII!!!!! woot woot, which means i GET TO GO TO HAWAII!!!!! i am extatic, i loooooooove Hawaii, soooooo much its probably my favorite place on earth, Ive been three times so this will make it my fourth. Its kinda crazy cause I actually know where everything is, the flea market, the museum, the zoo! the starbucks! i absolutely adore this place and Im trying to get Cam and i over there for our honeymoon too! yippppeeeee.... you have no idea how excited i am.
but anyways... other then this, life is great. its getting kinda sad over here at CBC with only 18 days left its kind of surreal, knowing that this is my last time in senior housing, its my last time with roommates other than family members, after this comes work and home then MARRIAGE! WOW! I mean, don't get me wrong, there is a lot of excitement coming my way there is just a little sadness with the whole saying goodbye thing. **sniff sniff** however! saying goodbye here means saying hello to my friends in Surrey who i haven't seen in ages and don't get to spend any of my time with. THIS is really exciting to me.

i feel like i have this sentimental, open hearted post just trying to get outta me but i have no idea what it is i really want to say... i had an incredible visit with my psychology teacher today, an hour visit, i love her, shes amazing! and as i walked home afterwards i began to realise how okay i am with a lot of things. i feel as though ive come SUCH a far way... and im so proud of myself in this. i am so proud that i am able to say "bring it on Endo!" and to not be afraid of the unknown. im eager to get home and to take care of myself with food choices and a membership to the YMCA right next to my house. i am ready to just take charge of my life and my decisions im eager and excited to do so... and i feel like being at home will give me strength that i can't seem to find here at school. i absolutely love life right now, actually ive been trying for an hour to share a nooma video in this post through youtube but i can't seem to make it work :'(
but its called rain and its amazing! and its helped me realise and see just how important it is that God is carrying me through all of these experiences. my life these past five years has NOT been easy. who knew that oma dying would jump start the dominos effect from hell... but i love what Rob Bell says in the video:
that God is holding us close to his heart, he is whispering in our ear "I love you, I know the way home" God is taking care of us and instead of us screaming at him, or asking him "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!" we can fall on our knees brokenhearted and praise him proclaiming "thank you! thank you so much for holding me during that time" because i believe that we go through the hard times despite whether or not we love God, they are times necessary for growth and for brokenness, which is NOT a bad thing. i see brokenness as strength now, i see weakness as perseverance and i see these things building character in a person that nothing else could. and i am blessed, i am blessed with Endometriosis, i am blessed with hard times because they form me and make me who i am and they allow me the period of time to fall on my knees and proclaim
GOD I CAN NOT DO IT ANY OTHER WAY!

blessings!

as i take a much needed break from statistic studying, i thought that i would post... finally, its been a while and i really liked Kortneys comment in my last post. what kind of procrastinator am i? well, im not sure but i know that it doesn't always involve the computer, i spend hours doing homework at night (like last night i was up until 3am writing a paper!) but anyways...

lately, ive been discovering what it means to be a wife. what i means to support Cam in everything, even the things that i find painful. but thats what marriage is... its support, its love, its paitence. and well, falling in love with Cam has brought me to discover how set i am in some ways, some thinkings, some expectations. that my "first born, only girl, spoiled brat" mentality has gotten me heartbroken, many times, with no real idea as to why. im sure many of you have gone through what i have, or maybe not, i have no real clue. but i know that for myself, having one expectation that i thought i would never have to see be incapable for Cam, is heartbreaking. however, the experience of being there to support, encourage and help is shaping the way that i will love him for the rest of my life, which means shaping the way i will be "wife". this being a positive and wonderful result.
man alive... who ever said that relationships were easy, i seriously want to kick that person in the crotch! like seriously.
i agree with Cam when he says that society plays the whole "you just fall in love and live happily ever after" BULL CRAP!
Cam and i have put blood, sweat and tears (or at least I cry!) into our relationship and we still face rocky cliffs. I am SO THANKFUL that God is such a huge part of who we are, i am sooooo excited that God shapes us, changes us and challenges us, through the love we have for each other. its amazing to me, and wonderful.

the person i am becoming is all due to my relationship with Cam and the grace given to me from God. this is the most incredible gift that i would NEVER trade in life...

well... Cam came in, and he just made fun of me :P
geeezzzzz, hahahah, back to the books... NOOOOOOOOOOooOoooOOOOoooo

Blessings!

it is most definitely frustrating to wake up to pain, to intense pelvic pain and pressure, then to decide whether it will be worth it to go to class, and sit for hours listening to lectures when I can read my text book at home in my pj's with a water bottle... so the verdict, I went to my Stats class today and now Im heading up to the library where I need to finish a paper that is hard to write, but very interesting all at the same time. THEN will come pj's, a water bottle and my gummie bears! eeekk... Another couple of days extension on that "such a good idea but very intense paper", due to this set back it is desperately needed BA!!
I hate having to ask for more time... I hate to use my pain as an "excuse" it really isn't one, you try writing a ten page paper on the theme of hope found in the New Testament when all you want to do is pass out on the couch and moan!! Yeah, I thought so :P

BUT things are starting to get figured out... and when I say that, I mean emotionally more than physically, which is a huge step in the right direction for me. I am choosing to overcome my difficulties and although it may not sound like it in this post, I am not allowing this pelvic pain to overtake all of me, not like it has in the past. As well, I am taking the right steps in the right direction in order to overcome my eating disorder and bad associations, my depression can no longer be fed, by me, even this needs to be overcome, and I will.

The good part about all of this? I have GOD! I have hope, and I will overcome! I have chosen to overcome...
And I have the most trusting, patient, loving and loyal fiance of all time!(seriously, he is far more in all these characteristics than anyone else I know)

So blessings to all, and I hope you have no pelvic pain today :)

In New Testament theology class I need to write a devotional, not exactly an easy thing for me to do, but alas! I did it! I wanted to share my final copy, this is what I will be reading aloud in class on Tuesday, I hope it works and makes sense.

Blessings!


Throughout the months coming up to writing for this devotional, I had many themes and ideas run through my mind. Then someone told me to do something that meant something to me, something that I am in the midst of being taught, something that touched my heart and circumstance. So, this is what I have chosen. Healing for the past five years has become an emotional subject for me. For several years I have had abdominal pain and discomfort along with some other symptoms and it has not been fun to say the least. Doctors would only tell me that nothing serious was wrong and to watch what I eat, and track what I experience. Friends and pastors would tell me that if only I would believe deeper, pray longer, hope harder then maybe healing would come sooner.
The emotional journey that I have been on has lead me up some very steep hills. Yet, I find that it is nothing compared to the testimonies that I read in the New Testament. A woman bleeding for twelve years, cast out of society because she is looked down on as unclean. Her faith leading her to Jesus Christ and with hopeful determination she goes and touches his robe to find herself healed. I can only imagine her circumstance and what emotional healing came that day for her as well. Especially with Jesus affirming her by saying, “your faith has healed you, go in peace and be freed from your suffering” (Mrk 5:34).
To be freed from our sufferings is such bliss, to be freed from physical disease or even emotional distress brings us such blessing and release. I believe like probably many of you that healing is possible, even the type that doesn’t make sense. Yet, I also believe that it pains us, sometimes we hold onto our sufferings because we grow attached to the comfort of them. The healing that Jesus did were for those suffering a great physical distress. Yet the healing of these men now meant that they had to work and were no longer able to make a living by begging and being cared for. A small price to pay for freedom. But with the comfort of a being cripple gone, the challenge of being thrown into something other than what was previously known can be scary.
One of my most favorite healing stories is that of a blind man, in John chapter nine, Jesus’ disciples ask him “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” (v. 2). Jesus answered them and said “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (v. 3). There is no fault found, the power of God is to be displayed through this mans blindness. So as I read this story I am not only reminded of my own circumstance, but of my friends as well and their baby boy who was born with disease and who lived only twenty eight days of life. Although circumstances such as these bring us emotional pain, Jesus says here, that it is for Gods glory to be displayed. That in the hopelessness of disease, God brings glory to himself. Noah lived so that God would be glorified, an incredible accomplishment for such a short life.
Yet, physical disease and compromise are not the only ways in which God can display is work. Emotional distress constricts the body almost as much as the physical. And it is recognizing that through these times God wants to be glorified, and he will offer his strength to those of us asking for it. It is asking for his peace, his hope, his renewal and his clean sweep of our minds that helps us overcome the obstacles that get in our way. Whether these obstacles include a dysfunction of our physical body or not.
“We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor 4:16-18).
Therefore, the healing we experience today whether they be physical or emotional or both are not what is entirely important. What is important is that our hope is in God and his return, it is in our salvation in Christ Jesus.

just now as I work on my NT Theology paper, I came across this verse which stopped me in my tracks so I wanted to share:

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Blessings!

Ive been going onto a wedding site in my "spare time", as though I even really have spare time! But its been a lot of fun to get ideas and bring them together to produce my very own dream wedding! So while I was going through the cake section I came across these cakes, where in my opinion are GORGEOUS! Cam and I are doing a cake especially for the head table and family tables, then there will be cup cakes for the rest of our guests. Which brings me to my next wedding point... the guest list. There are SO MANY PEOPLE that Cam and I love, adore and appreciate, so its pretty well THE HARDEST THING EVER to come up with a guest list. How do you say, "yes you can come!" to one friend but "sorry we can't afford to have you there" to another???????? Especially when so many of our friends are in relationships or married, its really hard, and really stressful. SO! What Cam and I have discussed and envisioned for our big day, is for our reception to be a very intimate environment, which means... small. Smaller than what we had originally planned for, which means, not everyone will be able to come. And I am sorry and I love all of my dearest friends, but I sure hope that those of you who are reading this and love us too... will understand. Financially if we want to make our day completely ours with the components we want to add, as well as keep the intimate feel we really are striving for, then less is more.

Back to more wedding photo browsing!

Blessings :)

so on Saturday I went to the Clipper Street Scraptbooking Company and in a wedding invitation class I created my very own wedding invitation, its PERFECT and pretty! :) Im very excited to finally get the paper & ribbon ordered, along with other components needed, then go all crazy putting them all together. I know its early... but I have programs, the guest book, and other fun additions to create which will be a key to the wedding and will display my amazing creative capabilities! I'm very excited to make my wedding completely my own, including the creation of my own stationary!
It was super fun too cause Mom and Nantina (maid of honor) were with me... and although Mom is NOT crafty she did a great job! and Nantina and I played around with the measurements to see what some choices are in regards to size! FUN!

Friday was great... I had the best conversation with a good friend, Kortney Story, who has the authority to speak encouragement into my health situation. She gave me the most amazing advice that I am sure Ive heard before, but coming from Kort this time, she put things in more perspective. Maybe that is because I am more ready now to hear it than I was before. CLICK to read falling leaf where she blogged about it.

as well, yesterday my Mommy pulled out her wedding dress from the air tight box it was in and we had one of those sentimental "Mother/Daughter moments" it was such a special time for me. I put on her veil and with an overwhelming excitement fell in LOVE with it. Its GORGEOUS! SO... I'm going to wear my mothers veil on my wedding day :) I'm going to bring it with me when I go and pick out my dress (whenever that happens) with some re-adjustments I am going to be HOT STUFF! On December 20th, Cams jaw will drop! Which is the plan of course.

Blessings to all!
and YIPPPEEEEE... FOR MY WEDDING DAY... NINE MONTHS :)

EIGHT TO TEN WEEKS! in 8-10 weeks I get a gynecologist appointment :) I am SO EXCITED! This means that this appointment could mean an official diagnosis of Endometriosis (or something else if its something else), my almost five year wait to diagnosis this thing is finally here!!

today was the funeral for the picture of that little boy in my previous post. what an emotional ceremony, but of course, its always sad when a child only lives 28 days. the slide shows they presented, the prayers and the speeches would bring anyone to tears, me especially.

this past weekend has been especially hard for me. with the advice from my doctor I took a shot to try and stop the Endometriosis from growing, only the shot has stopped working and Im unsure of what to do. I think that the emotional part of ones body kind of takes over subconsciously sometimes. I know that whats going on in my body is not life threatening, its not cancer, its nothing to be too alarmed about. But I feel it and live with it everyday still... and sometimes I just wish I would only have the job of waking up in the morning and being the engaged, happy, 22 year old that I only want to be.
Instead my femininity has caused such pain, something that seems to be completely unfair. Your body is supposed to work one specific way, so why does it seem to have the ability to make a decision and be stubborn? Gosh!

God only knows.

Please pray for the Neufelds today... they deserve your support

Blessings.

Noah Jonathan Neufeld

February 8th - March 6th, 2008

This little boy is Jonathan and Melissa Neufeld's baby boy. He had Trisomy 13 and beat all the odds concerning this disorder, until last night. Please pray for the Neufeld family and all those who are grieving the passing of this precious little boy.

If you want to see Melissa's blog, please go to the right of my blog and click the Neufeld Family site.

i couldn't help myself but post another engagement shot! even though we were both scrubby that day and it was freeeeeezing cold, the photos are such a sentimental part of that day for me!

so ive been getting a little carried away with the whole "counting down" tickers, the days left until my wedding are 293! BUT can you blame me? really?! i mean im just excited, im just crazy, totally, completely and overwhelmingly excited. yep! its just kinda crazy when i went to the welcome wagon bridal show with Nantina and Becky (two of my wonderful brides maids) sitting there with all the brides around me, watching a fashion show and them asking me what i liked. i actually had to take a moment, sit back and say to myself "O YAH! thats ME, IM the bride! ME!" wow... ive been to many weddings, actually i am surprised as to all the weddings ive been invited to and honored to watch and cry at (yes, im going to cry at my own) its just SO SURREAL to be called "bride" WOW! seriously, its like this time of my life is the most special, wonderful, fun and exciting time.. and i feel at most times that im outside of myself watching it happen. im glad that our engagement is ten months, it gives me some time to enjoy and process, but i love the processing! :) the other day i said to Cam "you know what the next big thing in our lives is going to be?" he looked at me and said "babies" i then said "YAH! BABIES! thats NUTS!" hahahaah... of course you can tell that im not exactly ready for that stage in life, so don't you start asking us when the little Stehrs are going to present themselves, they will come... we want at least three, but just not right away.
i can't express to you how excited i am for this step in my life, i can't start to explain to you how i can close my eyes and envision our living room, our home, our pantry, the way that life will be with all its up and downs, with all its joy, its amazing and wonderful joy! i am THRILLED for my life as MRS. Stehr to begin. the joy is seeping from all places within me.

PRAISE GOD for the blessings HE has given us! its overwhelming :)